On the pod, we take a look back at the best moments from The Always Sunny Podcast.
Rob McElhenney: You know guys I've run into a lot of French people over here in Europe, a lot of French people. And guess what? They've been lovely. Every single person has been lovely, just making me get a shit- a shit sandwich.
Charlie Day: So Robbie running into nice French people.
Rob: Yes. Yeah. I'm here in, um, in London and man, am I- am I being ma-made to eat my words? Uh, no. no. No. None of them listen to the podcast. So I wasn't taking any-any shit from anybody. It's just that, uh, everybody is-- everybody with a French accent seems to be very nice. But, you know, I'm not in France.
Charlie: Putting your words on a nice baguette. You know.
Rob: But I'm wondering if these are the French people that left France because they couldn't stand the people in France. I'm just-- I don't know. I'll have to go to France again to-to find out. But I, the first time I was not met with a lot of, um, welcome.
Charlie: How old were you the first time you were in France?
Rob: 24. Something like that. And I was really--
Charlie: Maybe a 24-year-old takes it more personally, right? 24-year-old is like-- you know, grown man, it's like, You're coming at me with some shit. "All right. Bring it," you know?
Rob: Yeah that's fair. That's fair. Well, anyway, the-the French here have been wonderful as ha-- as are the English. And, uh, it's really just a-a wonderful melting pot, this city. I love it. I love it in London.
Charlie: I've only been twice and both times I was like doing press stuff. So you go into like a hotel room and you-you know, they bring in like a hundred people and you just answer the same question over and over again. "Oh, uh, no. I've never had a horrible boss," and you go over and over again. Um, I think I did it for Pacific Rim too. And it was- it was, uh, fun and exciting to be in London, but I wish I'd seen more of the city when I was there.
Rob: Well, I went to- I went to a-
Charlie: I did enjoy it.
Rob: -a football game at Wembley Stadium. And I can tell you that was an incredible experience and it was really fun up until the game part, um, which was less fun. But, um, I-- Your-your buddy Jason Sudeikis came, um.
Charlie: Oh, how's he doing?
Rob: He's great. He's here shooting that other show on Apple. Teed. Teed Lizzo. Teed Lizzo, Teed Lizzo something like that. Tia Missou, is that what it was?
Charlie: Teed- Teed- Teed, uh, Lassou.
Rob: Will Ferrell came. He was very sweet and David Beckham, David Beckham was there and he was--
Charlie: Did you see Will Ferrell?
Rob: Will Ferrell was there. He came, he came to watch. He's the best
Charlie: The best of the fucking best.
Rob: The best of the best.
Charlie: And he's-he's exactly who you would want him to be when you meet him.
Rob: I know.
Charlie: Or at least my experience has been that.
Rob: That's-tha-that's right.
Charlie: Lovely. And, uh, funny.
Rob: You know who else was lovely was David Beckham, and I kind of thought he might be just based on some documentary footage that I've seen of him and interviews and whatnot. But you have really known until you're talking to him. That's a real nice guy.
Charlie: Nice people over in England. Yeah, we've uh, we've done a 180 on the French.
Rob: Well, we're here to talk about Glenn 'cause he's not here. Um-
Charlie: We're here to, But that's what we're really gonna talk about. Like, uh, it's messing up our episode. Yeah. It's messing up our flow.
Rob: Yeah. Somehow Megan, who's apparently in the middle of-- between Mars and-and Earth, um.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Rob: Considering her internet, but she was still able to-to sign in and Charlie, you're-you're-- it's like 5:45, 5:00-- it's six o'clock in the morning where you are.
Charlie: Yeah, I was up at 5:15. Um, my wife has the COVID.
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: And uh, so does, uh, anyone who could possibly help with our kid. But I'm up before everybody, so I'm hoping to jam this out, and then I, you know, gotta make school lunches and-- or a single school lunch and uh, and then jump in all that.
Rob: So-- but we-- so-so you made the podcast and Glenn couldn't make it.
Charlie: Sure did pal, you know, because that's my dedication to the fans, you know, which-which-- who put us here.
Rob: Yes.
Charlie: Um, I can't just turn my back on them.
Rob: I feel the same.
Charlie: I mean, I could, watch this.
Rob: You're speaking with a low volume. Is that because you don't wanna make anybody-
Charlie: You know what, I'm terrified of waking anyone up in this house and then being like, "Well, it's on me. It's on me to, uh, um--" But-but the great thing about my son is that he won't get outta bed because he knows it's a school day. You know, if it's-- like a full-on teenager, like-like a weekend, he would- he would, you know, he'll be up already, but, uh, on a school day it's like, I gotta drag him outta bed. God bless. I get it. I get it.
Megan Ganz: Was that how you were Charlie when you were growing up?
Charlie: I-I-I certainly didn't love going to school, you know. Um, I probably got out bed maybe a little bit easier, but no, I hated going to school. I mean, it was cold. He had to go outside. It's like freezing, you stand out there waiting for the bus. Your h- your hair would freeze if it was wet. Um, then you gotta lug your trombone on the bus, know how that is, right? You gotta get your trombone.
You gotta sit in the front seat cause you got, you know, the fucking bus driver doesn't want you carrying that thing up and down the aisles, banging up- banging up her bus. Everyone's fighting and throwing gum and which that I- that I liked. That was exciting to watch. You know, I wasn't really getting into melee, but I liked when one broke out. But, um, no, no. Didn't, uh-- I mean, I love seeing my friends, but the whole school work part, No, no, no, no, no, no. If I- if I could take a pill and know everything I need to know, I would've done it. I mean everyone would.
Rob: Yeah. I don't think anybody really remembers enjoying school. My children came here, uh, to-to-to watch the game and then they just flew back today and they were real bummed. But mostly they're bummed about having to go to school tomorrow, which is gonna be tough.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: But you know what? Get over it. Kids. I didn't go to Europe for the first time until I was 25 like I just said, and I had to pay for it my goddamn self kids. Get up and go to wor-- go to school, suck it up.
Charlie: These ungrateful,
Rob: They're so ungrateful.
Charlie: Uh, speaking of-of ungrateful, because Glenn's not here. Um-
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: We're gonna need to-
Rob: We're gonna do a-a best of the podcast, which I think is-is brilliant to do a best of only th-- how many episodes have we done, Meg? 30 something.
Megan: 33.
Rob: We've done 33 episodes of this podcast. You know who, you know, who was number 33? Charlie?
Charlie: No,
Rob: Larry Bird. And-
Charlie: Was he really?
Rob: Larry Bird was number 33. And he-- and-and his first season, he-he won, I believe he won Rookie of the Year. His-his-his first season. And-and I believe that you could have show-showed a-a-a-a string of highlights from his first season, 33 games into the season, and it would've been very, very impressive. And I think that's what we're gonna do here.
Charlie: They grow 'em different in French Lick Indiana.
Rob: That's right.
Charlie: Indiana.
Rob: You can't stop talking about French.
Charlie: French Lick. What a name.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: French Lick.
Rob: French Lick, Indiana.
Charlie: Who's coming up with that? How'd they coming up with that name? It's like, "Well, I like the word French but what if we added a Lick to it?"
Rob: Well, what if- what if, like, what if it's somebody that came back and they're like, "The French suck, they suck, but we can't- we can't call a town-- Let's call this town French Suck." And someone else was like, "Nah, they'll be on to us. What if we keep it like, you know what else they do, they lick."
Charlie: But what, you know, you know, like-like what if like, you know, you know what it's like, uh, you're at a restaurant and uh, Frenchman just walks up, just kind like licks back your neck and says, "Okay, now what-what would you like to eat?" Uh, yeah. You know, he walk up on you. He says, "Uh, hello, monsieur," and then he l-- he come on licking up on your neck. "Let's call French Lick."
Rob: You gotta feel like a Louisiana bayou you fair thing at the end.
Charlie: Yeah, I don't know. I went through like nine accents to really--
Rob: I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Well, yeah. So we're gonna do- we're gonna do a best-of episode of the podcast here, where we're gonna find highlights from all of your favorite moments from the last 33 episodes.
Charlie: It's so easy. Not you--
Rob: Who else can we break?
Charlie: And it's sort of like on Jesus, on a cross look.
Rob: All right, now we're doing McElhenney's wingspan.
Megan: Oh right.
Charlie: [unintelligible 00:08:01] Mr. Spielberg.
Rob: Steven.
Charlie: Steven.
Rob: Drink a sip of water. I'm feeling a lot of love. Cut that Cut. Cut that cut that cut, cut.
Charlie: Cut that Cut that.
Rob: We say cut that, cut that, cut that, and then we never-- you don't ever cut it.
Charlie: And then, uh, when we come back, we're gonna be talking about the gang gets whacked, part one and part two, which I can't wait to talk about. But first, let's talk about the things we've already talked about. Which Beatle would you think-- do you think you are then if--?
Rob: Definitely Paul.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn Howerton: Okay, well, who-- which- which Kink are you?
Rob: Jerry Garcia.
Glenn: Yeah. See there?
Charlie: Oh yeah. But see, that's the problem with the Kinks.
Glenn: Oof. Ah.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Yikes.
Charlie: Then which-
Rob: Bob Weir.
Charlie: If you're Paul, which Beatle am I? Which Beatle do you think I am?
Rob: I think you're a little bit of Paul. I think you're Paul too.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Rob: I think you're Paul.
Glenn: If you guys call me Ringo, I swear to fucking God.
[laughter]
Rob: Nah.
Glenn: I swear to God-
Charlie: No, no. You're George Harrison.
Glenn: Yeah, George's-
Rob: Mm, maybe John-- I mean, it's interesting-
Charlie: You're definitely Harrison. Like, you know, like, uh-
Glenn: He's def-- He's doing it, yeah. He's about to call me John Lennon. He was about to give me John Lennon.
Rob: Well, in terms of the relationships [crosstalk] with each other
Glenn: He was, he was and you cut him off.
Charlie: You got a little John Lennon too. You got a little John Lennon.
Glenn: I don't know. But-
Charlie: You got that George thing where you could- you could go and write an amazing song on your own and then you don't get the credit for that, but then you're-- like, you can do it, man.
Glenn: Hmm. That's fine.
Rob: But you see like, P-Paul is like a maniac, like constantly like pushing things forward and saying, "Guys like let's go, let's go, let's go."
Glenn: That's you.
Rob: I think-- That's me. But I feel like that's you too.
Glenn: Yeah it is. That's true. Yeah. I don't- I don't really--
Rob: I So we're-we're all Paul-- a little bit of Paul McCartney, little bit-bit John Lennon, some George Harrison.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: And nobody's Ringo?. Ringo-Ringo's fucking great by the way.
Charlie: No. Yeah, we're all three ego maniacs, right, who think we're the- we're The Beatles.
Rob: We think we're The Beatles.
Glenn: Wow, so you guys have uh, uh, both have kicking-in-doors stories. I don't-I don't have any kicking-in-doors stories, I don't think.
Rob: It's probably good. That's probably good.
Glenn: I've never kicked in a door. It always sounded fun to me though. It's one of those things like God that-that sounds, you know there's like a handful of things that always sounded kind of interesting to me that I always wanted to test the theory of like when I was a kid. I was always like get like kicking a door down like what-- how hard--
Rob: Why don't we do this? Why don't we-- in our new studio, we just commit to whatever the cost is to repair a door-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: -okay? And then we just give you your dream, buddy. This is Hollywood. We-- you know like you can do whatever you want um,--
Charlie: Well let's kick a door in.
Megan: Um, yeah okay.
Charlie: Let's do it-- let's do it, let's get to- let's get to work here.
Megan: Check my angles guys, check my angles, make sure we got-- I've got a camera inside as well to get the inside.
Charlie: Oh, all right then we're covered.
Megan: [laughs]
Rob: Oh okay, so then--
Megan: So we've got a-a wide there.
Rob: So you're gonna kick it in but wha-what's the story? Like take us through, 'cause like let's take us to a place, right?
Charlie: How are you-how are you feeling right now?
Glenn: Uh, I'm-I'm excited. It's a little close with the cam-- A little close with the microphone. A little close with it. Yeah, oh, same, you did it again. Um, I'm feeling- I'm feeling good, um, I'm not that warmed up. I do wanna say--
Charlie: Tell it to the folks at home.
Glenn: Yeah, uh, folks, I-I do wanna make this very clear that I never, uh, took martial arts in my entire life.
Charlie: What? Really?
Glenn: Yep, so the--
[laughter]
Rob: So what you're about to see is happening in real time.
Charlie: So you're not even a ninja or anything? You think you're gonna be able to kick this door in?
Glenn: Uh, ninjas don't kick in doors, for-for the record I--
Charlie: They sneak in windows.
Glenn: They're sneakier than that, they're much sneakier than that, okay? This is more of a sort of a SWAT team-type situation.
Charlie: Yes, I like that, okay.
Rob: And can I ask a question?
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Is it more fun if it's Glenn kicking in the door or do you wanna play one of those characters from the '80s? Meaning you have a story and there's somebody or something in that door that you need to get to. Because you wanna say something cool, after you kick it in, you wanna come into the door, into your camera in there, and announce something.
Charlie: That's right well we're-we are-
Rob: Who are you looking for?
Charlie: -letting you relive-
Rob: Where's the girl?-
Charlie: -your dream here for like, um, yeah what's the-what's the line?
Rob: What's the narrative, you know? Where's the girl? Something like that. That could-that could be the villain or the hero, I don't know.
Charlie: How do you get your kicks?
[laughter]
Charlie: You know what I mean?
Glenn: Oh, you want it to be like a one-liner? Okay, yeah okay.
Charlie: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go is just a great one, boom, let's go.
Rob: Because, well, I think also like commit to it, right? So if it doesn't work once, don't stop, like keep going 'til it opens and you might-- if you wind up putting a hole like through the door, you might have to bash through it like the uh, the Hi- the Hi-C guy.
Charlie: Uh huh.
Rob: Do the Hi-C guy.
Charlie: Uh-huh, yeah, yeah.
Megan: The Kool-Aid man.
Rob: The Kool-Aid guy, sorry the Kool-Aid guy.
Glenn: Oh, yeah.
Rob: Oh yeah, that's what you should say.
Glenn: That's the fucking line.
Charlie: That's the line, oh yeah, here it comes. All right, guys, someone else's line.
Glenn: All right, ready, everybody?
Rob: Yeah, here we go, Glenn's lined up, he's lined up.
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: Okay, here we go.
Charlie: Oh my God.
Glenn: Oh yeah.
[laughter]
Charlie: That was so easy. Now, you-you damaged the door.
Glenn: Well, of course.
Charlie: But, come check this out, uh-
Rob: I mean.
Charlie: Let's grab the camera here. You went straight into the drywall. So lemme get the-- get a shot here. Into the drywall, we made a-
Rob: More stuff to fix.
Charlie: -a hole, so. How do you feel right now, Glenn? How do you feel?
Glenn: Uh, an exhilaration that I haven't felt uh, in-in quite some time. An exhilaration I haven't felt in quite some time, uh-
Charlie: Mic was too close?
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Okay.
[laughter]
Rob: How does your foot feel?
Charlie: Foot is fine.
Rob: Awesome.
Charlie: Foot's good, all right.
Rob: Well, what else can we break? Can you tell me what's in that coffee? Is it just coffee? Is it-- what kind of special-- is there like an egg cracked in there? Do you have hot pepper, is it brewed in--?
Glenn: What-- why-why do you ask that?
Charlie: I don't know--
Glenn: Because- because of who I am?
Charlie: Hot pepper and an egg in your coffee?
Rob: I don't know is that-- is that-is that a crazy thing to ask? Now hold on a second-
Charlie: No, it's not.
Rob: -there was a moment in which-
Charlie: It's not a crazy thing to ask you are right.
Rob: -where this motherfucker was drinking coffee that also had egg in it.
Glenn: No, what are you talking about?
Charlie: What?
Megan: Coffee and egg?
Rob: Hold on a second, what was the bu-
Charlie: A bullet coffee and egg?
Rob: -what was the bullet coffee? What was the bullet coffee?
Charlie: That's butter, it's like a butter.
Rob: Explain yourself to me.
Charlie: It's a butter thing
Glenn: Okay well, grandfather, uh, bullet coffee, uh, which is otherwise known as and actually known as bulletproof coffee, uh, is, uh, is coffee and butter and MCT oil, uh, and sometimes coconut oil. There's different ways to make it but the main thing that bulletproof coffee is-- by the way, that's not pepper, okay? And that might sound strange, but like, by the way, I never really-- I did the bulletproof coffee thing for like five seconds. It just absolutely destroyed my stomach.
Rob: Yes, I'm not--
Glenn: I hated it.
Rob: Uh, the reason I was asking was because it's not that crazy to assume that-- to go from butter to an egg-
Glenn: Well, no.
Rob: -I don't know.
Charlie: No, you know what? I have coffee with my eggs all the time and I've never thought to like stir the eggs st-straight into the coffee.
Rob: Maybe you're missing out.
Charlie: But-but I could be missing out. I mean, that's a very common--
Glenn: I wonder if anybody has.
Charlie: Get-get some eggs, have a cup of coffee that's--
Glenn: I'm down to try it. I'm down to try the-- like, you know.
Charlie: Egg coffee or coffee egg?
Glenn: Oh I bet-- how-how about this?
Charlie: Coffee egg.
Glenn: How about this? Like you do some-
Charlie: Egg coffee.
Glenn: -some cold coffee, right? Cold-brewed coffee, put it in a blender with some ice um, couple of-- crack a couple of eggs in there, maybe put some butter in there.
Rob: Okay.
Glenn: All right? And a little bit of honey, maybe to sweet-- well, no, you can't do that.
Charlie: The egg coffee would be good for you. A coffee egg would be a coffee that's been hard-boiled-- uh, an egg that's been hard-boiled in a pot of coffee. That would be a-
Glenn: Oh my god.
Charlie: -that would be a coffee egg but-
Glenn: I would try it.
Charlie: -egg coffee, we-- yeah.
Glenn: Like in a percolator right?
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Where-where you're actually boiling the water?
Rob: Let's make both of those and then see which one is better.
Charlie: That's the thing, a tea egg is a thing-
Glenn: No but then-- but wait-wait-wait-
Charlie: -where you cook it in tea.
Glenn: -but the-the-the coffee's not gonna penetrate the shell of the egg and actually affect the flavor-
Charlie: Oh, yes it is.
Megan: Yes.
[laughter]
Glenn: He's so sure of it.
Charlie: He said with such, su-- I mean, you were so clear and so sure that that--
Glenn: Oh, yes it will.
Charlie: It most certainly will.
Rob: You don't know if it's like you work for the coffee--
Glenn: How is it gonna penetrate the shell of the egg? I-- by the way, I love your passion for this I really do.
Charlie: I have no idea.
Rob: And the certainty, the certainty.
Glenn: Oh there it really is, I have no idea.
Charlie: 'Cause I-I've had a tea egg before, I've had a tea egg, which was an egg that was-
Glenn: You're kidding-
Charlie: -boiled in tea and it was delicious.
Glenn: It tasted like tea?
Rob: It tasted like tea?
Charlie: Yeah, very good.
Glenn: Uh, you're blowing my mind. I've never heard of that, a tea egg?
Charlie: Yes, yes.
Glenn: What is this?
Charlie: It's a- it's a-- it's from the other cultures, man.
Glenn: Whose-- what culture?
Charlie: Japan.
Glenn: Oh.
Megan: And Chinese, Chinese.
Charlie: And Chinese, okay. I don't know, I don't know.
Megan: Chinese tea eggs.
Charlie: Yes, Chinese tea eggs, and then do they--
Glenn: My God.
Charlie: Will you find that they--
Megan: They are simmered in a savory liquid with star anise, cinnamon sticks, and peppercorns.
Glenn: Cinna-- star anise.
Charlie: But uh, do they peel the egg before they boil it? That's what we need to know.
Glenn: But you can't peel it before you boil it.
Rob: How do you peel an egg before you boil it?
[laughter]
How do you peel an egg before you boiled it?
[laughter]
Charlie: I'm just saying, do they- do they boil it and then, like, soak it in the tea or something?
Glenn: Like after, uh, you are right, cracking open-- crack open the boiled egg and soak it in tea.
Charlie: Like we absolutely should have Charlie try to peel an unboiled egg.
Glenn: And he can't figure it out, he's frustrated.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, he wants to make-- yeah okay, all right coffee egg.
Charlie: Coffee egg.
Glenn: Uh, I-- I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that's gonna be gross.
Charlie: Yeah, [laughs] I'm with you I think that's gonna be unpleasant.
Megan: Well, I have something to leave you guys, even though I'm not dead, but I have a special treat for you today.
Glenn: You do?
Megan: Which is I-
Charlie: Megan?
Megan: -this morning, I hard-boiled these eggs in coffee-
Glenn: No fuckin' way.
Charlie: Oooh, no way.
Megan: To see whether, uh, it would get through. So if you guys wanna peel these eggs-
Rob: Yeah.
Megan: -and then taste them-
Glenn: Yeah, let's do it. -
Megan: -you can see-
Glenn: Let's do it.
Megan: Here, I have salt and pepper too if you--
Charlie: You didn't peel it before you boiled it?
Megan: I did-I did not peel it before I boiled it.
Rob: Okay, so you just-you just boiled-- you, uh, you just--
Megan: I made a pot of coffee-
Rob: Uh-huh.
Charlie: Uh-huh.
Megan: -and then I put the egg into the coffee, with no extra water, just the coffee-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Megan: -and then I boiled them, as I standardly do hard-boiled eggs.
Glenn: We would want, do you have salt?
Megan: Yeah.
Charlie: There's no- there's no brown coloration in here though. Like, with the tea egg--
Rob: They still smell- they still smell like egg.
Glenn: That's amazing.
Charlie: So here is what-- I think the tea egg, the thing with the tea egg, and I don't know I have to look up--
Glenn: I can never peel these well. Did you guys suck at peeling? I suck at peeling a hard-boiled egg.
Charlie: You gotta use the side of your thumb.
Rob: These are tough.
Glenn: The side of my thumb.
Rob: These are tough, they're shattering into a billion pieces.
Charlie: Um--
Glenn: Yeah, I'm not good at this.
Rob: I'm not getting any better.
Charlie: I would say that I think maybe let's look up how the tea egg is cooked but I think, what I meant to say--
Megan: I did look that up and actually they soak it in tea after they hard boil it and peel it.
Charlie: Yeah, after they boil it so you
Glenn: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Charlie: So-so this is gonna be nothing, probably.
Megan: This is not gonna taste like coffee.
Rob: This is gonna taste like-- it smells like an egg.
Charlie: It just tastes like an egg.
Glenn: Oh, does it?
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Well, it can't penetrate the shell, right?
Charlie: So we gotta do it the way they do the tea egg. You gotta--
Megan: Soak it in coffee after--
Charlie: You gotta-- and this is what I meant [laughs] when I said do you peel it first. You gotta boil it, peel it, and then soak it in some coffee.
Glenn: Then you soak it.
Rob: But definitely boil it first before you peel it.
Glenn: Mm, mm, well, Megan, thank you either way. Thank you very much, mm.
Megan: My husband was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm working.
Charlie: I'm working here.
[laughter]
Glenn: You guys wait, wait, for those freaks out there, let's do a little ASMR.
Charlie: Why?
Rob: Ooh.
Charlie: Ooh. Stop, stop, oh, my God. No you know uh, you--
Rob: That does not bother me, that doesn't bother me, that doesn't bother you? Wait let me-let me do it, let me see if I can do it.
Glenn: It won't bother me if you're doing it on purpose.
Charlie: Really?
Glenn: Oh right, that's what we established. Chewing sounds don't bother me.
Rob: It's not the sound, it's-it's that- it's that people don't give a shit.
Glenn: Yes, it's the--
Rob: Yes, it's the-it's the chaos.
Megan: The first question is, what makes Glenn the most angry?
Glenn: [laughs]
Rob: Uh, just in general?
Glenn: It's-it's-
Megan: Yeah. [chuckles]
Glenn: Oh, okay, oh well.
Charlie: I got it.
Glenn: I know just wait. Okay, hold on.
Charlie: I'm ready to rock.
Megan: Charlies on with that.
Rob: Ha-ha-- you see, that's amazing. How-how, uh, there's so much.
Charlie: Uh, there's so much, but, uh-
Rob: But you went for-- you just went for one.
Megan: Charlie show us your answer.
Charlie: Okay. I wrote, uh, chewing loud.
Rob: Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
Megan: Okay. Chewing loud.
Charlie: Oh, okay, chewing-chewing loud. Loud chewers, you know, smacky foods.
Glenn: The difficult thing I think about this is that so many things make me angry. So I wrote down a, uh, a sort of a-a broader category which would encompass what you wrote, Charlie.
Charlie: Can I have a one-second guess? I won't write it, but just-just to say.
Glenn: Yes.
Charlie: Did you write the word life?
[laughter]
Rob: Wait, I think I know what you did. I think I know what you did. I think I know what you did.
Glenn: Yeah, go for it.
Rob: You wrote-you wrote peop-- it's-- uh, having to do with people not giving a shit.
[crosstalk] There's an injustice about people not caring.
Charlie: That's a big one. That's a big one.
Rob: You're- you-you-you didn't say it the way I said it, but I think what you're saying is what I-- it-is-- I think what you mean is what I meant when I wrote what I wrote.
Charlie: [gigggles] Yeah, what did you write?
Rob: People's lack of awareness.
Glenn: So, like, this bothers you?
Charlie: Yes it does.
Glenn: Even though I'm doing it on purpose-
Charlie: Uh-huh, yeah.
Glenn: -to try and bother you.
Rob: There's a lot of people out there right now that are fucking really grossed out. And then there's some people that are getting erections, right?
Megan: [laughs]
Rob: Right? [chuckles]
Glenn: Right. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. Is that what it is, sexual?
Rob: I know some women into-into this. Meg, are they're getting turned on?
Megan: No, no.
Rob: And it's only me-men will be the little deviants.
Charlie: Well, these people are all over the [unintelligible 00:21:40].
Megan: Yes I do.
Rob: Meg speaks for all women. It's a good egg, Meg. Thank you.
Glenn: That's a good egg.
Charlie: It's good. Coffee egg.
Glenn: [crosstalk] in these trying times.
Charlie: So it turns out you can boil your egg in coffee or water and-and it won't penetrate the shell.
Glenn: Boil it in whatever- whatever, you're already boiling, just go ahead and throw an egg in there. It won't make a difference.
Charlie: [chuckles]
Glenn: That's basically what we're saying. Well, guys, this has been great. Uh--
Charlie: And so it has been brought to you by egg.
Megan: [chuckles]
Charlie: Egg.
Glenn: It's just fine.
Rob: For your trying times.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
[music]
Glenn: Guys we know it's your favorite part of the podcast where we hawk products to pay Megan's rent.
Charlie: Mm-hmm, hmm. Rob, what is going on with-with Megan's rent this week? Do-do we know.
Glenn: I'll tell you what's going on. This week she spent a little too much money on champagne in the UK and now she can't afford her rent.
Charlie: Mm-hmm. Sounds like champagne problems to me, right?
Glenn: Yes, well, yeah. You-you should have put together more of a travel fund there, Meg. Fortunately, we've got you covered [chuckles] with our partners at Vuori, the most comfortable exercise and lounge apparel this side of the gym or the couch.
Charlie: Yeah, okay. So what you're talking about here is called athleisure. It's the art of looking like you're working out even when you're not, which is extremely important for fooling people that you're more physically active than you are. And Vuori is definitely the brand to do that, because not only do they look great, they are full on more comfortable than whatever you're lounging around in right now. I mean, more comfort. Who wouldn't want that?
Glenn: Let-let's just say you actually did work out. Good for you. Stop bragging about it.
Charlie: Hmm-hmm.
Glenn: Whatever.
Charlie: Yeah, well, Rob would be in luck there, too, because you can run in your Vuori core shorts. You can train in them. You can do yoga. You can even swim. You can swim in these shorts, man.
Glenn: Okay, so when there's a- there's a good chance that my day will involve both water and air and I need transition shorts, this is the first pair I reach for and Vuori is offsetting 100% of both their carbon and plastic footprint. Did you hear that? No footprints. Zero footprints.
Charlie: Zero footprints, I like that. It's like an eagle that never stops soaring high above the ground. That's Vuori.
Glenn: Okay, so look. Vuori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners. They are offering 20% off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at Vuori.com/sunnypod. That's V-U-O-R-I.com/sunnypod.
Charlie: Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75 and free returns. Go to Vuori.com/sunnypod and discover the versatility of Vuori clothing.
[music]
Glenn: Like that would be crazy.
Charlie: Do you think Steven Spielberg feels that when-- if he sees Jaws, where he's like, [sighs] this doesn't- this doesn't represent me.
Glenn: No.
Rob: But Jaws is good though.
Glenn: Yeah, but he doesn't- he'd probably see-- he just sees all-
Rob: [unintelligible 00:24:24] He's probably got some clunky scenes that he looks at and is like, "Oh, I wouldn't state that one that way anymore, or something." Let's ask Spielberg. Do you still-- Mr. Spielberg.
Glenn: Steven.
Charlie: Steven, uh, how do you feel about the first Jaws movie?
Steven Spielberg: Uh, this is pretty good, yeah. I'm a big fan I may not still like it. Uh, I mean, I mean, you know, if-if-- [coughs] I don't love everything, right? But there's some things that I think still work and I think I-I do regret that the-the shark didn't look better because I still think the movie would have been better if the shark-- if we did able to see the shark more. But that turned out to be a good thing, according to some people. I don't know. I-I stand by it. [chuckles]
Glenn: I stand by it. [chuckles]
Rob: I don't know. Is that a bad Steven Spielberg impression?
Charlie: What are you- what are you talk-- Let's ask Steven. Steven, how is your impression of yourself? Is it good or is it bad?
Steven Spielberg: I don't think I sound like that.
Charlie: [laughs] Well, thanks for coming by Steven Spielberg.
Steven Spielberg: Yeah, well, thank you.
Glenn: Thank you. That was, yeah, Steven Spielberg. Wow. [unintelligible 00:25:37]
[music]
Rob: When I was a kid, we would go to the beach and-and there was no sunblock. My mother used to spray us with vinegar.
Glenn: Yeah, to get- to get you dark, or is that- [chuckles]
Rob: Yeah. Well, it was the keep away the sun.
Charlie: That is the, yeah, that is [chuckles] funniest thing. Picturing me is like-
Glenn: To what?
Charlie: MacElhenny kids just are reeking of vinegar.
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Imagine you like-- you coming over to a kid like, "Hey, well, you- well, you guys want to play, uh, Frisbee or something?" And they'd be like, "Oh God, what is that?"
Glenn: Jesus Christ.
Charlie: No, my eyes are watering trying to talk to in this kid.
Glenn: Oh shit, man. How much fish and chips did you have?
Charlie: The fuck are you- [chuckles] Guys smells like a fucking salad.
[laughter]
What is this dude's deal?
Rob: Crazy, crazy. Even worse than that like-
Charlie: And by the way the second you go in the water, that vinegar is off.
Rob: Out of it when you came out, she had more of it.
[laughter]
She just wac- she'd wack you down.
Charlie: Watch out for mom, she's got the vinegar. [chuckles] She's gonna blast me.
Rob: I know, and it's all-- and I can even look at-- now I ask why-why was I sprayed down with vinegar? It's, uh, and I'm like, do you think that helped engage the sun in some way? And she was like, "Uh." It's on, by the way it's still unclear 100%.
Charlie: She's like, "Honey, I was loaded. I'm so sorry."
Rob: Yeah, yeah she was oh 100% that's-that- that-- no doubt. We would go down there, with her and her sisters and her friends.
Charlie: Yeah why vinegar? What the fuck is that?
Rob: They looked like Parchisi
Glenn: What if she- what if she was like-
Rob: Because in Jersey, they had these, like, horse flies that would bite you.
Glenn: Oh yeah.
Rob: And I think, if-- it was to keep it-- but they don't like the vinegar. So it keeps the-the flies away from you. And then-
[laughter]
But no, no, no, sunlight.
Charlie: McElhenny kids covered in vinegar and flies.
[laughter]
And you know those kids here from Philly. "Yeah, yeah, [unintelligible 00:27:09] reek like vinegar." They always get floats. [laughs]
Rob: Wait, she also loved-- For some reason, she loved the look of those, like, of, like, those, like swimmer like-like, in the European look.
Glenn: Oh, no.
Rob: They look like underwear, right?
Glenn: They put those on you?
Charlie: What?
Rob: Yes, yes.
Glenn: Oh dude.
Rob: Like a swimmer. Like a swimmer.
Glenn: God help you.
Rob: She loved that look, right? And we were too young, but I was old enough. I was probably, like, nine.
Glenn: Oh God, you knew it wasn't good.
Rob: You know, 9, or 8 or 9 or 10. [crosstalk] And she was like, "You just look so cute in these." And meanwhile, like, you know, uh, maybe at, like, f-- 6, you don't care, but by the time you hit like, 10, you're like, "My dick is tiny, and it looks so bad."
Megan: [chuckles]
Glenn: Yeah, like so much smaller in this.
Rob: Yeah. Yeah, like, I-- Yeah, and so now I'm wear-- I'm [chuckles]
Charlie: God only knows how it's reacting to the vinegar, too.
Glenn: Yeah, right?
Charlie: Shrivels [unintelligible 00:27:55] yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, like a- like a slug.
Charlie: Like it's a [unintelligible 00:27:58] or something, you know. [chuckles]
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah, yeah that's- that is so weird. I've never heard of that.
Rob: Oh yeah.
Glenn: Like, I mean I grew up in the south. A lot of horse flies.
Rob: But I had nothing but good memories, though. Like, I've just-- I remember it being-
Charlie: So you didn't care.
Rob: -really fu-- No I, did, I did remember caring once like 10 or 11. I remember there being like a group of kids and me always, like, having my hands over my dick and then like my cousin being like, "Look man, there's no hiding. [chuckles] There's no hiding. You've got to get a new suit. You got-- you just got to get a new suit." And I was like, "All right."
Glenn: So 11 eleven years old, you were still wearing like, the European, uh.
Rob: Maybe 10, yeah, like I'll-I'll-I'll get some ph- I'll get some photos 'cause we have some photos. I look happy in the photos.
Glenn: I do really enjoy when I see, uh. It's always like an-an older gentleman. It's always a man, like, you know, well into his 60s or above, you know, and those guys are just like, "I don't give a fuck. This is what I like.
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: "This is what I wanna wear. This is what I like. This is what makes me comfortable and I don't care how it makes you feel."
Rob: Well I'll tell you what, I was tan as shit, like, for as-as-as Irish skin that I have. I was like-- 'cause we would be out there on the beach every day covered in vinegar, with no clothing, with no clothing on. So I was so tan. The photos you see of me, I'm like, this is crazy. I look so, so dark.
Glenn: How does the vinegar affect the sun? Does-does it make you get more sun or does it actually block the sun off?
Rob: I think she, from her, uh, point of view, I think it did ha-- no, no, it didn't block the sun. I think it was like an o- well had the same properties as like a baby oil.
Glenn: That's what I'm saying. So it enhanced the-the--
Rob: I believe so, yeah. She wanted us tan, right? Not-- uh, just because that was a healthy look, you know.
Glenn: Right, right, I want my-my bab- I want my kids to look healthy. Yeah, yeah. Spray them in vinegar. Get them out there.
Charlie: Yeah, oh yeah, I want this kid to-
Glenn: And if he's covered in horsefly bumps then that negates the whole thing.
Charlie: Sure.
Rob: I'll-I'll dig up some photos.
Charlie: I want them to resemble a French fry, you know what I mean. It's just, like, golden brown, but every-
Rob: I think I look pretty good if I'm being honest. I mean my-- I look like, you know, like, my dick didn't look great, uh, when I was a little kid. I was a little kid. I don't know if you should be looking at a little kid's dick anyway. But like, I think my-my body looked all right.
[laughter]
I was tan as shit.
Charlie: I guess so.
Rob: I was 10.
Glenn: Yeah, I guess so. Um, I-I-
Charlie: What percentage of people are going to try the vinegar thing now? They're like, "Oh, you were really tan?" I'm trying the vinegar.
Glenn: I-- Listen, I grew up in Alabama where we had a-a shitload of horseflies. And nobody ever sprayed me in vinegar. Nobody ever suggested spraying me-me-me down.
Rob: It could've been to fuck with us. I don't know. It could've been to be like, "Look, we gotta toughen this kid up so we gotta get him out there and, like, having kids pick at him so he can, I don't know, get the--
Glenn: So he can spend the rest of his life overcompensating?
Rob: Yes.
Charlie: It's a bizarre move, one way or the other.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah. To-to-to spray yourself in vinegar is very strange.
Charlie: Yep.
Rob: We should have my mom on the podcast and have her answer for it.
Glenn: And she'd be like, "I don't remember any of it."
Charlie: "Aye, well, I don't know. You're supposed to get vinegar all over you. I don't know, it's what you do."
Glenn: [laughs]
Charlie: "Ah, stop, Robbie. You loved it."
Rob: But as you age, it definitely gets harder. You have--
Glenn: Oh, for sure.
Rob: For men, you have less testosterone, you-you-your skin looks [unintelligible 00:30:46] so you're never gonna look the same as you would in your 20s. Even if you got into the same kind of shape, our skin's all stretched out and shit.
Megan: [chuckles]
Rob: I'm getting things hacked off my body every other week from sun damage from the vinegar.
Glenn: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Charlie: From the vinegar, yeah, yeah.
Rob: I got a big old thing on my face, I gotta get cut out.
Charlie: On your face?
Rob: On my face.
Glenn: I don't see it.
Rob: Yeah, you can't-- you can't see it. You'll see it when there's a giant scar there.
Glenn: Oh, shit.
Charlie: Well, yeah, but you'd think you look cool.
Rob: You know what I mean?
Glenn: Are you wearing makeup right now? Why can't I see this thing on your face?
Charlie: What's wrong with your face?
Glenn: What the fuck are you talking about?
Rob: I've already had-- You know, have you-- Have you had things removed from your body?
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Okay, so they remove it, then they biopsy it.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: And so this one, I got biopsied. And it's like it's some kind of squamous cell.
Glenn: There is nothing on your face.
Charlie: Hey, buddy.
Rob: That's because they cut it off.
Charlie: Buddy, you might need to switch dermatologists because this guy might be making a killing off of you just being like, "Here's a rich guy. I'm just gonna keep chopping shit off of him." and then he charges--
Glenn: Yeah, "I'm gonna chop this guy up."
Rob: Wow.
Charlie: You might have a--
Glenn: "I'll chop him to bits."
Charlie: You know what I mean? 'Cause, uh, I-I went to a guy, uh, this was years ago, and got some-- Like, I had a freckle on my back, and I have a big scar now from-- they cut it off and, like, 12 stitches, whatever. And then I go to a different guy now and it's like he's never barely cutting off anything.
Rob: Hmm.
Charlie: You know what I mean? And I feel like the other guy was just knife-happy. [chuckles]
Rob: Well, maybe the-- maybe the first-- Maybe the first one was a good doctor and this one's killing you.
Charlie: [laughs] Well, no, not judging by the office. The second guy's got a better-better-looking office, so.
Glenn: You do wonder how those doctors get into certain specialties, right? You go to med school, 'cause very-- You know, very few people when they're, you know, six-years-old and all the other kids are like, "Oh, I wanna be an astronaut. I wanna be a football player." And he's like, "I wanna shave people's-- you know, parts of their skin off and biopsy them." Nobody does that, so they--
Charlie: "I wanna look at their moles."
Glenn: "I wanna look at moles. I wanna stick my finger up a guy's butt all day long."
Megan: [chuckles]
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Nobody-nobody's dream is that when they're a kid. Talking about a proc-proctologist.
Rob: You're just demeaning doctors.
[laughter]
Glenn: I'm not demeaning them.
Rob: Nobody wants to be a doctor?
Glenn: I didn't say that.
Rob: Who the fuck wants to be a--
Glenn: I didn't say that.
Rob: You said nobody-- You said no kids wanna be a doctor.
Charlie: Kid said-- No kid said-
Glenn: No, I didn't.
Charlie: -dreams of being a proctologist. No problem.
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: Yeah, you're trying to turn around the [unintelligible 00:32:45] on this one.
Glenn: You don't listen to the specificity of what I'm saying. I didn't say--
Charlie: Yeah. Who's talking about a proctologist?
Rob: [chuckles]
Glenn: What I was about--
Charlie: He's talking about moles.
Glenn: What I was about to say was [chuckles] was a kid does grow up though thinking, "I wanna be a doctor." And then eventually, that turns into, I don't know. I just, uh, you know. And some-- And some people do just become internists or general practitioners and, you know, whatever. But then, you know, somewhere along the way somebody's gotta go, "Well, I guess, I'll be the butt guy." You know what I mean?
[laughter]
"I-I guess I'll check out butt holes." But, like, are you already into that shit? Like, the-- Are you-
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: -going through med school-
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: -and you're, like, discovering that you're like, "I-I'm kind of fascinated by, like, what's inside people's butts?" You know?
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: "I wanna see the butt itself, then I wanna go through the butt and see everything. I wanna see the journey from the butt hole through the intestines." You know what I mean?
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: Maybe.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: Or you're looking at it and saying, like, so many men die of so-- prostate cancer so when people have [crosstalk]
Glenn: So you're just seeing dollar signs?
Rob: No, you're thinking that you wanna save lives.
[laughter]
Rob: Maybe it's the doc who's selling out.
Glenn: "I can make a lot of money up."
Charlie: There's a lot of money in butts. There's a lot of money.
Rob: There's a lot of money in saving lives.
Glenn: Not a lot of people wanna do it.
Megan: [laughs]
Rob: Yeah, and I do.
["It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" theme song]
Charlie: I also don't want my drink to be my meal. I like a meal-
Glenn: Oh really?
Charlie: -I like a drink. I don't want my drink to be my meal.
Glenn: I would drink every single meal, if I could.
Charlie: Really?
Glenn: Every single meal.
Rob: You don't really enjoy food?
Charlie: I wanna be chewing and, you know, that's--
Glenn: Chewing is a-a-a massive, uh, waste of time and energy.
[laughter]
Charlie: You wanna?
Glenn: I wanna mix it with my saliva and swallow it. That's it.
Charlie: That's it? But the way you chew, it is a waste of time though.
Glenn: I do chew a lot.
Charlie: You-you-- Uh--
Rob: There's a lot of chewing.
Charlie: There's a lot of chewing.
Rob: A lot of chewing.
Charlie: There's compartmentalizing of the food.
Glenn: [laughs] It's true. I hate the way I eat.
Charlie: [chuckles] It gets-- It gets chewed-
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: -going into a lower corner. It sits there for awhile while something else is chewed and moved over to the top of your mouth.
Glenn: [chuckles]
Charlie: And then at some point, it's swallowed together.
Glenn: [chuckles] It's a-- It's a factory.
Charlie: [chuckles]
Glenn: An assembly line.
Charlie: Yeah, it's an assembly line.
Rob: It's something I--
Glenn: It's an assembly line.
Charlie: You're-you're-you're separating the egg from the salt in your mouth somehow.
[laughter]
Charlie: Because you've learned what will metabolize faster.
Glenn: You're so right.
Rob: You are turning your food into a liquid-
Glenn: I am.
Rob: -in your mouth before it's being swallowed?
Glenn: I'm liquefying it.
Charlie: You are the [unintelligible 00:34:49]
[laughter]
[music]
Glenn: I don't just talk to fa-fans on the phone.
Charlie: I like this phone ringing sound.
Glenn: Me too, I need that.
Rob: I love it.
Megan: Welcome to the Always Sunny Podcast. You're on with Rob, Charlie, and Glenn.
Glenn: Hey, what's going on over there?
Daniella: Oh my God.
Glenn: Yes?
Daniella: Hi, Megan.
Megan: [chuckles] Oh, hi.
Rob: Oh.
Charlie: Hurrah, the Megan fan.
Glenn: All right.
Charlie: All right. You spoke directly to Megan. Who are we speaking with today?
Daniella: I love Megan.
Megan: Oh.
Rob: She's the best.
Charlie: So do we, so do we.
Rob: She's the best. Why don't you ask Megan a question because-
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: -she-she loves to talk-
Charlie: Megan's here.
Rob: -but she hasn't been able to because we-we just-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -talk over her.
Charlie: You got any-- First of all, who are we speaking with today?
Daniella: I'm Daniella. I'm on the shitter.
Glenn: Hey, Daniella.
Megan: Oh, great. [laughs]
Charlie: Daniella calling us from the shitter.
Glenn: Are you on the shitter? Wow, okay, cool. Are you actually taking shit--
Daniella: Yeah, right now.
Glenn: Are you taking a shit or are you peeing?
Daniella: No, I'm taking a shit.
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: All right, Daniella. [chuckles]
Rob: This is amazing.
Glenn: That is amazing.
Charlie: Is it-- Is it a good one? How do you be-- Are you hydrated?
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: Or is it coming out runny and is it-- is it a mess?
Glenn: Right. Do you have to wipe 1000 times or-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -is nothing gonna come out-
Charlie: Uh, is it-
Glenn: -and off?
Charlie: -is it going okay or how you--
Daniella: How? Well, it's-it's-it's one of those where you, like, sit down and then you kind of, like, get bored and you're just, like, there. And then I called in and I was like, "No way."
Glenn: Oh.
Megan: [laughs]
Glenn: You're gonna have to coax it out.
Daniella: The next thing, I'm here.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: You're gonna have to coax it out.
Charlie: All right.
Rob: Uh.
Charlie: Well, if you need to stop to push or grunt, that's fine.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: It's all-- Uh--
Rob: Well, I'm sorry. And I-I-I missed the first part. Has any- has any been, um, exported yet?
Megan: [chuckles]
Glenn: Mm.
Daniella: Just like little-little-little-little dots.
Glenn: Nuggets.
Rob: But you're looking--
Glenn: Nuggets.
Rob: But you're looking for a full-
Glenn: Right. She's getting- She's getting Milk Duds.
Charlie: She's getting the little dots out.
Glenn: She's getting Milk Duds and she wants a full-
Rob: Yeah, I'm gonna suggest-
Glenn: -Snickers bar.
Rob: -that most--
Charlie: I'm sensing a hydration problem here.
Rob: [chuckles]
Glenn: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: I'm gonna suggest that most--
Daniella: Nah, nah, nah. It's just morning. It's just morning. I've gotta warm up.
Charlie: All right, all right. Well--
Glenn: Okay, this is the first one. You're popping the cork.
Charlie: Well, don't-don't hurt yourself.
Glenn: She's popping the cork. Sometimes this happens, right?
Daniella: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: The first shit of the day.
Daniella: I think y'all ruined it.
Megan: Aww.
Charlie: All right. She-she had a question for Megan.
Megan: Maybe it went shy.
Charlie: It went into her full retreat. [unintelligible 00:36:41]
Glenn: It went into hiding. It went into hiding.
Charlie: It went into hiding.
Megan: Aww.
Daniella: It went to hiding.
Glenn: It got scared.
Daniella: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: It got scared. Your butt got scared.
Charlie: Now, why is it a morning poop for you? Where are you calling us from?
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Are you up in Hawaii?
Daniella: I'm fro-- um, I'm calling from Arizona.
Rob: Okay.
Charlie: Okay, okay.
Daniella: It's 10:30 so it's not, like, kind of not late.
Glenn: That's a young person's morning. You know what I mean? Like--
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: We-we-we're old. We're up at 7:00 with the kids.
Charlie: Yeah. What's your question for Megan? Because Megan-
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: -Megan deserves a question. You can ask her anything, and she will tell you.
Daniella: Okay. Uh, Megan, um, have you done your bowel movement for the day?
[laughter]
Glenn: This is amazing.
Rob: This is wild.
Megan: Uh, yeah, yeah. I don't bring anything into this room other than enthusiasm for these guys.
Charlie: All right.
Rob: That's right.
Charlie: There you go.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't have poop in your body and do a podcast.
Daniella: That's an incredible work ethic.
Megan: Thank you.
Daniella: You guys are so lucky to have her.
Charlie: I know, yeah. We know.
Rob: We-we agree.
Charlie: We know, we know.
Rob: Uh, I-I have a follow-up question, Megan. Which podcast did you call into while you were, uh, having your bowel movement?
Megan: [laughs]
Glenn: Yeah. Who do you usually call?
Charlie: Yup.
Megan: Yeah. Uh, I-I don't know, I keep it to myself.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: Okay, yeah. That's fair.
Glenn: Okay. Well, listen, we hope that you can get, uh, a nice, full Snicker's bar worth of poop out.
Charlie: Yep. We hope you have a full evacuation.
Glenn: You know what I mean?
Charlie: Uh, a complete elimination.
Rob: Yeah.
Daniella: Thank you, guys. Y'all made my day. Y'all, like, and it just started. This is fantastic.
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: All right. Well, enjoy your bowel movement and thanks for calling the Sunny Podcast.
Glenn: Thank you. Thank you.
Daniella: All right. Have a good one you guys.
Glenn: Bye.
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: Goodbye.
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: There's a guest actor in this episode. And I don't want to name the person because the-the story I'm gonna tell is sort of a personal story. Uh--
Glenn: Mm.
Charlie: But it-- He-- It was this actor's first ever audition for anything.
Rob: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Charlie: Glenn, do you remember this story?
Rob: He-he would be-- He would be happy to tell-
Charlie: Yeah, okay.
Rob: -the story, I believe. It might be worth-
Glenn: Oh, oh, oh.
Rob: -getting in touch with him and having him--
Glenn: Is this Aaliyah's friend?
Rob: Ye-yeah.
Charlie: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Charlie: All right. Well, uh, Rob, you say his name and then, uh, and then we can be-beep it out or whatever. And then-- And then if we get permission from him, we'll put it in.
Glenn: Okay. His name is [beep]
Charlie: So, [chuckles] Megan, you don't know the story, right? So I guess we'll tell it to you and the listener at home.
Rob: Yes. And then why don't you tell the story and then we'll have [beep] call in and tell his version of it that maybe we might miss. Because this is now-
Charlie: Okay.
Rob: -10 years ago, but it is amazing.
Charlie: I know, yeah.
Glenn: Right, right, right.
Rob: And he was very cavalier with the whole story.
Charlie: Yes. Uh, so we had met him, [clears throat] I guess, after season one or two. And, uh--
Glenn: Well, he's friends with our makeup artist, Aaliya [unintelligible 00:39:06].
Charlie: Yeah. And he said that he had his first ever audition for a movie, television, anything, and it was for our show. And, um, he went-- The-- Our casting director at the time was a guy named John Papsidera when we started the show.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: And he goes to John Papsidera's office and he's as nervous as can be. Right? He's never auditioned for anything. And he's got a-- his head shots and his-his-- He knows his lines, he's ready to go. And suddenly, he has this, like, rumble in his stomach of like, you know, and that taste in your mouth and the sweat of like--
Glenn: Taste in your mouth?
Charlie: Uh, well, I don't know. It's just, like, the dry mouth maybe.
Glenn: What's the taste in your mouth? Okay, right.
Charlie: Uh, yeah, like a dry mouth situation that your bo--
Glenn: Or the watery, a watery?
Charlie: Yeah, your bo--
Rob: So that's usually vo-vomit.
Charlie: Yeah, that's vomit.
Rob: That's not with this is.
Glenn: All right, sorry.
Charlie: Well, this is coming out the other end.
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: So he realizes he-he's gonna have diarrhea. Like, he-he's like, "There's no way I'm not having diarrhea and it's-it's--
Glenn: Vomit of the anus.
Charlie: It's coming re-really bad.
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: And-and yeah.
Glenn: It's comin'.
Charlie: And-
Glenn: And said, y-yeah.
Charlie: So he goes to the bathroom but just before he gets to there, uh, someone, some a-actor or actress goes in and they locked the door, and he's waiting, he's waiting. And he can kinda hear the person in there like rehearsing their lines and they're taking forever.
Glenn: Oh God, Jesus, come on.
Charlie: And then he taps on the door but they're not coming out. And then he's like, "I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it." So he goes in the alleyway behind the casting office,-
Megan: Oh.
Charlie: -and it was like a dumpster there, and he- he doesn't quite make it. He has diarrhea in his pants.
Megan: Ugh.
Charlie: He pulls his pants down, and he's like, "Oh my God, this is a mess." He-
Glenn: This is a mess.
Charlie: -He -
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: -he's trying to salvage the situation. He has no toilet paper, so he's wiping his butt with his own headshots.
Megan: Oh my God. [laughs]
Rob: [laughs] And the sides?
Charlie: And the sides, yeah.
Rob: Pieces of paper-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -and photographs of himself?
Charlie: He's- he's wiping his ass with pictures of himself.
Glenn: [laughs]
Rob: Is that a brand new metaphor for Hollywood?
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean, just like, it's something out of like a, you know, like a Ben Stiller-
Glenn: Absolutely.
Charlie: -comedy.
Glenn: Straight out of the, yeah.
Charlie: And so, as the story goes, he realizes, "I'm done. There's- I- there's- I can't do the audition, I gotta go home." And he gets in his car and his pants are so ruined, and the car smells so bad, he like takes them off and like, I don't know if he throws them out the window, whatever, but his driving home with no pants on. And as he's driving home-
Glenn: [laughs]
Charlie: -with no pants on, he gets rear-handed.
Megan: Oh my God. [laughs]
Charlie: He gets rear-handed. Now, the rest is kinda hazing for me. Like I'm- like is it a homeless guy who looks in the window and starts yelling, "That dude's got no pants on."
Megan: Oh.
Charlie: And anyways, so we heard this story, and um, I think we had a- he auditioned again. He- 'cause, we didn't just like automatically give him a part. We had to make sure he could-
Glenn: I think, yeah-
Charlie: -perform.
Glenn: -he auditioned for this.
Rob: He- he did but we found out about it after he had auditioned [inaudible 00:41:53]
Charlie: Oh, that's right.
Rob: So we probably would've just given it to him anyway because of that. But then he read for it and was great and we were like, "Yes, you have earned this role."
Megan: For this theme of St. Patrick's Day,-
Glenn: Oh.
Megan: -I wrote you guys some toasts, which we can do with a shot, in the style of a limerick.
Glenn: Oh.
Megan: So-
Glenn: You wrote these?
Megan: I wrote these limericks for each of you.
Glenn: I can guess.
Megan: But I think that you shouldn't read the one that's about you, you should read the one that's about-
Charlie: Yeah, Megan, this is really good. Megan-
Rob: Uncle.
Charlie: -you're a delightful writer.
Megan: Thank you.
Rob: She's the best.
Glenn: Okay, alright, alright.
Charlie: You're a delightful writer.
Glenn: Who's going first? Who's going first?
Charlie: I'll go first.
Glenn: Okay
Charlie: Because I-I-I don't-
Glenn: You're excited.
Charlie: -trust my ability to continue to speak in and um.
Megan: [laughs]
Rob: Coherently.
Charlie: "Let's raise our glasses to Glenn, the best of the 5-star men. He's the host of this show, can't stay safe on the snow, and he dreams of not chewing again."
Rob: [laughs]
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: Megan, that's very good.
Rob: That's so good.
Charlie: That's very, very good.
Glenn: Got a lot of references to previous podcasts.
Charlie: And if someone at home doesn't think that it's good, they're fucking idiots.
Megan: [laughs] Aww.
Charlie: It's very good.
Megan: Cheers.
Rob: Cheers. We'll go a little bit for this one because-
Glenn: Wait,-
Rob: -we have three.
Glenn: -did I already drink mine?
Megan: Hmm.
Rob: You said you didn't want it.
Glenn: Oh, I don't remember. Rob, read yours.
Rob: "Three cheers for our pal, Charlie Day,-"
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: "-he's one of a kind, in a way."
Glenn: [laughs]
Megan: "We'd flatter him more,-"
Glenn: [laughs]
Megan: [laughs]
Rob: "-but he'll walk out the door. And forget every word that we say."
Charlie: Yeah. [laughs]
Glenn: [laughs]
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: Megan, look at you.
Rob: So good.
Glenn: Wait-
Rob: So good that it's like, goddamn, that's good.
Charlie: Why? Did I forgot something?
Megan: [laughs] No never.
Rob: [laughs]
Glenn: [laughs] Badababaw.
Rob: That is so good.
Megan: [laughs]
Glenn: No, that is good. That is good. Well, Rob, that means this one's about you.
Rob: I guess so.
Glenn: Wanna hear it?
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: What are you anticipating?
Megan: [laughs]
Glenn: Just curious.
Rob: Well, out of the three of us,-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -I'm the one that's closest to Megan.
Glenn: Oh, so you're anticipating a roast?
Rob: I think it's gonna be-
Glenn: Roasty?
Rob: -devastating.
Glenn: Yeah, roasty?
Rob: Yes.
Charlie: No.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: But we have- we're very close-
Glenn: So she also loves you?
Rob: -oh yeah, we love each other very much.
Glenn: It's a love-hate relationship, as it often is with someone you're close with.
Rob: But she doesn't- I'm guessing she doesn't love you. She likes you but she doesn't know you that well.
Glenn: Not- not nearly as well.
Megan: I mean, right now, I love everybody.
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: Yeah, well, that's.
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: Ahh.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: I think she had the whisky.
Rob: But you're keeping her because of your sociopathy. You're keeping her-
Glenn: That's not socioahty.-
Rob: -at arm's length.
Glenn: -That's not sociopathy. That's growing up in an Air Force family where you moved around a lot and had to protect yourself.
Rob: Got it.
Glenn: That's a whole thing.
Rob: Okay, alright.
Megan: Okay.
Glenn: That's a whole thing and we can get into that, but I hold everyone at arms' length.
Rob: Got it, okay.
Glenn: I don't like that about myself. I-- it's ingrained. Okay, uh, "A toast! To our good buddy, Rob. He's the reason we all got this job." Meh, hmm.
Rob: [laughs]
Megan: [laughs]
Glenn: [laughs]
Charlie: [laughs]
Glenn: Thank God he made Sunny we all got this to prove that he's funny-"
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: [laughs] A little roast.
Rob: A big roast.
Glenn: [laughs] "-'cause his other show makes people sob."
Rob: [laughs]
Glenn: [laughs]
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: [laughs]
Charlie: Hey, Rob, guess who's stepping in to help Megan now? Bud Light Seltzer.
Rob: We are really excited for summer because with summer comes BBQs and get-togethers and general excuses to be outside day drinking, responsibly, and nothing's gonna hit the spot quite like Bud Light Seltzer.
Charlie: Now, what it is that sets Bud Light Seltzer apart from, uh, the 20 million other seltzer these days? What do you know?
Rob: It's probably its taste and its extensive flavor list.
Charlie: Now, I want something loud. You know? Something practically crying out for attention. I'm looking for a loudness in my beverage.
Rob: Mm, well, loud flavors are exactly what Bud Light Seltzer's all about. In fact, the louder, the better. We always say that on Sunny, just get as loud as you can.
Charlie: Mm-hmm, the louder the better, yeah.
Rob: Got to get louder.
Charlie: But let's be the judge of that. Let's- let's take a look at this list here. Let's- let's- let's take a look at this list.
Rob: Okay.
Charlie: What do they get?
Rob: Cherry Cola Bud Light Seltzer. The Hard Soda Cherry Cola has the perfect cherry-to-cola seltzer ratio for indulgent taste without all the sugar.
Charlie: Citrus soda, the familiar lemon-lime soda flavor you secretly crave with the seltzer's stats we know you want. We know you want.
Rob: I like that Charlie is trying to recreate the sound of being loud 'cause he doesn't want to wake up anybody at his house, but he can't actually be loud. But I can. Blasting Berry, lemon, cherry, and blueberry combined for the perfect fruit mix. Refreshingly sweet to inspire more fun.
Charlie: Quack, quack, quack. We have a new flavor alert here. New flavor alert, watermelon. Watermelon, a new spin on a fan favorite. Now, this seltzer features a refreshing and sweet taste with, uh, a candied watermelon aroma, mm-mm. Well, I wasn't this loud as I could've been-
Rob: No, but I appreciate your-
Charlie: -Rob.
Rob: -I, I appreciated the transition, from voice-to-voice and you brought a lot of um, flavor, you made a lot of choices in there. And I- I- I think you won.
Charlie: Anyway, to find a retailer who delivers right to your door, head over to budlight.com to learn more. Bud Light Seltzer, the loudest flavors ever. Enjoy responsibility messaging for 21 plus. Guys, you gotta be 21 to drink these, and please drink responsibly, don't drink like a jerk.
Charlie: Rob, did you go- did you work out this morning?
Rob: No, I-I, I had some bad- some crazy dreams, I was up all night from about 2:00 to about 4:30, and then I fell back asleep.-
Charlie: What were you dreaming about?
Rob: -I fell back asleep.
Glenn: Were you dreaming about me?
Rob: It was- it was dark stuff.
Glenn: Mm.
Rob: Dark stuff, not for this podcast.
Charlie: Were you dreaming you had COVID?
Rob: No.
Glenn: Did you kill anybody? Did you kill me?
Rob: No, I have a recurring nightmare that's in that space. Not you.
Glenn: Mm.
Charlie: Oh.
Glenn: But where you kill, you murder?
Rob: Yeah. It's happened in the past.
Charlie: Mm.
Rob: But there's no violence.
Glenn: You're living with it.
Charlie: Is that- I, I think it's like imposter syndrome? There's a fear that you're gonna lose it all, right.-
Rob: Mm.
Charlie: Like, if you're gonna be arrested, you're gonna lose it all. So, probably in your life, you know, you've accomplished these things, you have this wonderful family, and if you-
Glenn: That's what you did, you-you murdered your career.
Charlie: -and you have this-this great career and you have this underlying fear, well, I'm just, who am I? I'm not a writer, I'm not an actor, I'm just Rob. So like, I'm a big phony and it could all be taken away from me. I am here as your friend, to tell you that that is true. Um-
Glenn: Yeah, it's time.
Charlie: And- and sooner you accept that and just let it go and be like, yeah, I a big fraud but so is everyone else. Just ask Steven. Steven doesn't know what he's doing. Steven just, each movie is potential disaster, Steven, who just stepped in the room.
Steven: Yeah, what's up, guys? What-what-what are we talking about, b--?
Charlie: Well, Rob has an imposter syndrome and I say don't fight it and say oh, I'm a great creator, that's bullshit. Be like, yeah, I'm a fraud, so what? So everyone's a fraud.
Steven: Fake it til' you make it, baby. Yeah, ehhe. Nobody's nobody is what they are until they do what they do. And then once you do it, then you are what you are, whether you are or aren't. But- if- but, you know, basically, what I'm saying is that- that, nobo- like you said, nobody really knows what they're so you just have to do it. You just have to do it.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. And so-
Steven: And you gotta be decisive. You got- that's the thing that you ran into a lot of times with the directors where it doesn't work. You think you-
Charlie: You gotta be decisive. You have to, uh-
Steven: You have to be decisive. Whether you're right or wrong doesn't matter. You have to be decisive.
Charlie: Right, 'cause you're gonna get there on the set, the shark's not gonna work and then you gotta make choices, right?
Steven: You gotta figure it out.
Charlie: You know, you could be planning on seeing that shark a lot. Suddenly you're like, you know, what we're gonna have to make this where you don't see the shark a lot. And then that's a lucky thing because then suddenly you're like, this movie's better because I'm not seeing the shark as much as I'm supposed to see it in the first place, so shut up about your dreams, Rob.
Megan: I'm in the international arrivals terminal. So everybody's here. It's actually the one they shot Love, Actually in. Um, so the- the-- You guys probably have never seen Love, Actually, but women will know. That, uh, this is the terminal they shot the arrival scene in.
Rob: Love, Actually?
Charlie: The three- The three of us shook our heads.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Love, Actually.
Glenn: I mean they may as well have titled that movie Men, Don't Bother.
Megan: [laughs]
Glenn: You know?
Megan: And they didn't. They didn't.
Charlie: Love, Actually.
Glenn: Uh, love, actually.
Charlie: [laughs]
Glenn: Don't be sarcastic with me, movie title. Fuck you.
Charlie: Yeah, um, it's love.
Glenn: Uh, actually, it's love.
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: Yeah. So.
Glenn: All right?
Charlie: Okay, so there you go. Um.
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: The answer-- The- The-- What is that? What does that mean? Was the- Was the question posed, um, are you with me for the sex or are you with me for something else?
Glenn: Yeah, right.
Rob: Sweetie. Are you with me for my money?
Charlie: Uh, love, actually, Tony.
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah. Let's- Let's talk-- Let's talk about a movie that we've never seen, actually, and pontificate on why the movie is called that.
Charlie: Why the title?
Glenn: I like that. I like that game. Yeah.
Charlie: That's good. Okay.
Glenn: I think it could also be, um, that it's like, you thought you were in love with somebody. But then you meet somebody else and you're like, actually, that's love. I didn't realize that until I met this person. This is love, actually. The thing before was just I thought it was.
Charlie: That's most likely it.
Glenn: That's-- Did I get too real? Did I- Did I not be funny and I actually nailed it? Meg, did I nail it? Is that- Is that kinda--
Charlie: Could be about someone who's incapable of feeling love and then suddenly, like, starts to feel it. And like, this is actually the emotion of love.
Glenn: This is love, actually.
Charlie: Yeah, it's actually that.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: What if- What if the movie is about a guy named Phil Actually. Phil Actually.
Glenn: Yup, yup, yup.
Rob: Right? And then there's a-- It's star-crossed lovers. There's a woman named Jane and-
Glenn: Jane Love.
Rob: -she falls- she falls in love, actually.
Glenn: Jane Love falls in love with Phil Actually. And, uh, this is great. This is really good stuff. Alright, so we've got a sequel.
Rob: Who's in that? Who's in that movie? Who's in that movie?
Glenn: Everyone, right? Isn't it one of those?
Megan: Yeah. Lots-lots of people are in that movie.
Glenn: Like 500 people.
Megan: Yeah, because it's like six different stories. I- I prefer your version of it to the actual one. So I'm not gonna tell you guys what happens in it because you should break your own version.
Glenn: You like our version?
Megan: Yeah.
Charlie: I probably did see it. And just don't remember seeing it.
Rob: It sounds like a Hugh Grant movie. Was he in that? Is that a Hugh Grant joint?
Megan: Yes, Hugh Grant was in it.
Rob: Oh, for real?
Glenn: Come on, man.
Megan: He was.
Glenn: Of course, he was. What are you kidding me?
Charlie: Of course, he was. He was in love, actually. Uh.
Megan: I believe he played the prime minister in the movie.
Glenn: Of love.
Megan: Yeah. The prime minister of love.
Charlie: Ladies and gentleman, the prime minister of love. Love, actually.
Glenn: [laughs]
Rob: Oh, it's a Christmas movie. It's a Christmas movie.
Megan: It's a Christmas movie.
Charlie: The prime minister of kindness, of love, actually.
[laughs]
Charlie: That's the worst line.
Rob: Listen to this cast for one second, Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Colin Firth, Laura Linney, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Keira Knightley, Martine McCutcheon, don't know, Bill Nye, Rowan Atkinson. I must see this movie. These are fantastic actors. We're missing out.
Glenn: Yeah. I mean you know, it doesn't tickle my fancy. I saw the poster. I knew all those people. And I still didn't go see--
Charlie: They're great. Of course, they're all great actors.
Glenn: No, they're great. They're great. They just need to do- do a-- Now, if the movie was called, Guns, Actually. I probably would have gone to see it. You know what I mean? Or like, you know, fists. Fists, actually, you know, and it had that cast.
Charlie: Yeah. Fists, actually. Yeah.
Glenn: I'd be, like, fuck yeah, man. What is that? Like, what is that shit? Like--
Charlie: Or Fist Action Lee and it's about a guy named Lee and his fist action.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah. And all of his fist action.
Charlie: I'm seeing that for sure.
[transition music]
Rob: As a fan of Glenn, I recognize I can see in his camera that he is staying in a hotel room. There's a part of me that wants to know how many times today or since you got to the hotel room have you masturbated? I wanna know. Now, I wanna know that as your friend. I wanna know that as a fan of yours because I find it funny.
Glenn: Uh-huh.
Rob: I'm picturing you landing and being like, "I haven't been away from my family in like a year and a half. I'm gonna lock this door and I'm gonna beat my dick like it owes me money. And I'm gonna do it for like a- like a solid three hours.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: I'd like to think that you'll do that.
Glenn: I'mma strip a couple-- I'mma strip a- at least three or four layers of skin off this thing.
Megan: Oh, God.
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: You know what I mean? Like, I am doing that.
Rob: Now--
Charlie: There's gonna be people banging on his hotel wall being like, "Are you okay in there?"
[laughter]
Charlie: Is everything okay?
Glenn: I hear a lot of screaming.
Charlie: Are you okay?
Rob: There's so much screaming. Are you doing voices? Is-- How many people are in there? It's just one.
Glenn: Yeah, it's just one but I'm an actor.
Rob: I wanna know about that.
Glenn: And don't worry about it. It's fine. I- I- I play all the characters. [laughs]
Charlie: I'm getting into character.
Glenn: I'm just, like, an Eddie Murphy thing every time I masturbate, all right? Just-- Just let me do my thing.
Charlie: I'm just getting into character. Leave me alone.
[laughter]
Glenn: Don't talk right now. Not now. Don't talk to me now. Um.
Rob: So, I- I can understand what the- the desire from a- a person out there in the world, like, I want to-- I think that would be amazing. If I'm listening to Smartless and I-- And- And- And Jason were to go-- were to check himself into a hotel room and he started-- would've started talking about that, I would find it absolutely fascinating and probably hilarious.
But there's also a weird connection because anybody that's alone or have been alone or away from people for the first time in a long time, knows exactly what that feeling is like. But we don't talk about it a lot in public because it's either base or private or whatever. I get that, too. And I- I also understand why you wouldn't want to tweet that out to the world but yet I still would love to hear.
Glenn: Well, I mean that's-- Yeah, sure. I mean, that's why you built a whole separate little house for yourself, right? So that you could just have--
Charlie: Right. That's-- Yeah.
Glenn: Then you call it-- It's--
Charlie: Maybe why you were so sweaty and 18 minutes late. It's fine. It's fine.
Rob: Yes. This- This-- Look, this was not for sweat.
Charlie: Oh, no. For the listener at home, he's holding up a dark rag.
Glenn: Raccoon. Oh, I thought it was a raccoon.
Rob: It's dry. It's dry.
Glenn: Well, it's dry now.
Rob: Megan almost threw up. I think Megan almost threw up. Yeah. There's been-- Look. Look. I spend a lot of time down here. I'm- I'm a human being.
Glenn: Yeah, of course.
Rob: From time to time, I find time for myself.
Charlie: I have needs. You have needs and a high-speed internet connection and one thing leads to another and, uh. [laughs] I wonder what percentage of our audience just masturbates to the podcast. You know, there's probably, like- like one- one person, right, at least.
Rob: Do you think?
Glenn: Should we give some-- Should we give them something? Should we- Should we take our shirts off?
Charlie: You guys remember that cable show in New York? New York One. Like, where it was like- like, news during the day.
Rob: Yeah. And at night, it was Robin Byrd.
Charlie: Robin Byrd. We talked about this, didn't we, on the podcast?
Rob: I don't think so.
Glenn: I don't think we talked about Robin Byrd, um.
Charlie: So it was, like, soft core porn.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah. Well, it was, yeah.
Charlie: A lot of, like, naked--
Glenn: She would have, like, strippers on.
Charlie: -flaccid men.
Rob: Yeah, it was- it was both women and men and they would be--
Glenn: Well, there was men for men.
Rob: Yeah, it was men for men.
Charlie: There was men for men.
Rob: And then women for whoever.
Charlie: And women for men.
Rob: And- And and they would come and they were basically be--
Charlie: It was all for men.
Glenn: It was all for men. It was men for men and women for men.
Rob: To be clear. Sorry. Yeah. It was all- It was all for men.
Charlie: It was men for men, and women for men.
[laughter]
Rob: And it was-- And they would do like stripteases, and they would strip.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: There wouldn't- There wouldn't be any like, fornication.
Glenn: No.
Rob: But they would strip- But they would strip naked. And then they- then they would plug what strip club they were working at in the city.
Charlie: There was like a weird song on the Robin Byrd Show, too. It was, like--
Glenn: Right.
Rob: Uh, [sings] Baby let me bang your box. Baby let me bang your box.
Charlie: Holy shit.
Rob: [sings] I've been banging since I was a little girl.
Charlie: [sings] I've been banging since I was a little girl.
Glenn: That's disturbing.
Charlie: [sings] Baby, let me bang your box.
Glenn: I've been banging since I was a little girl.
Charlie: What does that mean, bang your box?
Rob: [sings] Baby let me bang your box. Don't know.
Megan: Well, box is--
Rob: Box is vaginas.
Charlie: No, but-- Well, but the-- But she was singing it.
Rob: She was singing it.
Glenn: About-- Well, she was singing it about herself.
Rob: And singing that she's been banging since she's a little girl.
Glenn: Since she was a little girl.
Charlie: Oh, man. See, that kind of--
Glenn: That's upsetting.
Charlie: There was a darkness to it.
Rob: But there was a-- Well, okay, wait. Let me play that-- Let me play devil's advocate for a second.
Charlie: Okay.
Rob: There's also something to like, you know, how that somebody is scantily clad, it's more attractive than someone who's just like completely naked. Do you see-- Do you feel that way sometimes?
Glenn: Wait. Say- say that again.
Rob: Meaning like, when-
Charlie: I know what you're saying.
Rob: -there's an air of mystery where you're, like, I can see aspects of your nudity and your body through your clothing, for example, is maybe more attractive than someone who's just like nude.
Glenn: Yes, I- I agree with that. Yeah. I like- I like a little mystery.
Rob: Yeah. Meg, when you see a juicy dong hanging down somebody's pant, like, is that better than seeing the dong itself?
Glenn: Yeah.
Megan: I don't want to see any more than half of it.
Charlie: Right. Yeah, sure.
Glenn: But you don't mind seeing the top?
Megan: Yeah, a little bush.
[laughter]
[transition music playing]
Rob: Well, Glenn, we've established that you are the host of the show. Could you-- What should we do next?
Glenn: Uh, well, so- so here-- This is a little awkward or maybe it isn't. I don't know. I-I always write notes on my phone when I watch the episode, right? Like, if I have questions I want to ask you guys or things I wanna talk about or whatever. It looks like I'm just looking at my phone in the- the in the video but, you know, just know, listener, watcher-- [chuckles] Watcher, you fucking creep.
Uh, that when I'm looking at my phone--
Rob: That's great. That's great. Let's insult the half the audience. Apparently, half the audience watches a podcast.
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: And you've just called them all creeps. A lot of people watch and I like that Glenn calls them creeps. And I think we should just call them the creeps.
Glenn: Well, when you call someone to watcher, it just sounds creepy. I'm not saying they're creeps. I'm just saying, when you call someone to watcher, it sounds creepy. You know, call someone a listener, it's like, yeah, listener.
Rob: Right. But I- I- I think, maybe that's kind of fun that if the au- the audience on the, uh, who's listening to this in-- on the drive, to and from work, um, they're the listener and anybody who's watching is a creep.
Charlie: By the way-
Glenn: It should go--
Charlie: -we did it.
Megan: This is great. We definitely did it.
Charlie: We did it.
Glenn: We did the fuck out of it.
Megan: Yeah.
Glenn: And, um, good luck editing this because Jesus Christ.
Rob: God Bless.
Megan: Play us out, Charlie.
Charlie: Okay.
Megan: Play us out something.
Charlie: [sings] Play us out something. That's a lot of pressure. We came to be funny, but we search for the truth. We told some yarns, got long in the tooth. But life's just that way, if you're lucky, that is. I guess I'm just foolish for living in bliss. For I am happy, I guess that makes me awfully sunny and that's why we're here. For we are sunny even though we seem bleak sometimes it may appear. But we are sunny because we're hopeful in a way and we're honest with each other and I guess that's just the way we appear. We are sunny in our way and this will be what we're known for till our very last day.
Megan: Aw.
[laughter]
Rob: My God. That's good, man.
Megan: Very good.
Glenn: Wow, I just got actually emotional. I just got actually emotional about it.
Megan: That's the whiskey?
Charlie: That's the whiskey talking?
Glenn: Yeah, that's the whiskey. Wow, that just really got me.
Rob: Yeah, that's what it's like being with him.
Glenn: Huh?
Rob: That's what it's like being with him, you know?
[End Credits]