Cricket | Always Sunny Podcast – The Always Sunny Podcast
This site has limited support for your browser. We recommend switching to Edge, Chrome, Safari, or Firefox.


Watch the Episode

Episode #44

Cricket (with special guest, David Hornsby!)

Who wants to perform for candy?

Subscribe on Youtube

Listen to the Episode

Listen on

Episode Sponsors

44. Cricket (with special guest, David Hornsby!)

On the pod, the guys revisit the best of "Cricket" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with special guest, David Hornsby.

Charlie Day: [chuckles]

Rob McElhenney: Well it's six after 9:00-

Charlie: Yeah, it's too bad we are there.

Rob: -and, uh, we are, we're rolling.

Charlie: Are we rolling?

Rob: Six after 9:00.

Charlie: Oh Christ it's online.

Rob: I heard Glenn come in but he's just, I-

Megan Ganz: [laughs].

Rob: -he's- he's slow and everything-- the start time was nine o'clock.

Glenn: Yes, yes.

Rob: Was the start time at nine o'clock?

Charlie: He did-- I remember the text, let's look at the text chain here.

Rob: Welcome to the podcast David, this is what's it's like.

Charlie: Let's look at the text chain.

Meg: [laughs].

Charlie: Um, wait- wait- wait- wait we have a special guest who needs to be revealed.

Rob: Oh, David wants to decide, David wants to do a reveal. Here you go and-

Meg: Yeah, there he is [laughs].

David Hornsby: We're not rolling yet come one.

Rob: Yeah. Yes we are.

David: Come on.

Rob: We're rolling. We go back, do a spin.

David: Let me do my reveal, it's not-- I want-

Charlie: Let him do his thing.

David: -organic, you have to set me up. All bits have to be set up.

Rob: Okay. Turnaround, turnaround.

Meg: All right, turnaround.

Rob: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the podcast. Glenn will be joining us-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: -whenever he fucking feels like.

Charlie: Yeah. Wait a second, hold on.

Rob: Charlie is here and and Meg is here on time.

Charlie: I'm gonna-

Glenn Howerton: Are we starting early?

Charlie: Oh.


Glenn: We are starting early.

Rob: Here comes Glenn full of piss and vinegar 'cause he's late.

Charlie: Oh, really.

Rob: 'Cause he's late.

Glenn: And Meg what time is called time.

Meg: Um, look, I don't want to get involved.


Charlie: Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: You're the- you're the producer. What time is- what was call time?

Meg: I, uh-

Glenn: Amaura what was call time?

Charlie: You know? Hang on. It's fine- it's fine. Yeah, when we say 9:00, we show up around 9:00.

Glenn: The show is-.

Charlie: Um-

Glenn: -you know, one minute after my call time.

Charlie: But before we totally make this about you-

Rob: I'm not late.

Charlie: -I've noticed there's another person in this space.

Rob: I was trying to give him his due but Glenn walked in and ruined it.

Glenn: Well, [crosstalk] no, you guys did that.

Charlie: All right, let's start over. Oh, welcome to the podcast.

Rob: Welcome to the podcast everybody.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We good.

Meg: [laughs].

Charlie: Uh-

Rob: We've got a very special-

Glenn: Hi.

Rob: -guest in the studio today.

Charlie: Hi.

Meg: Oh.

Charlie: He's here.

Rob: There's someone used to this kind of bickering because he's known us for 20 years.

Charlie: Now if you're listening, you can't see his face. If you're watching-

Rob: You also can't see his face.

Charlie: -you can't see his face 'cause he has turned the other way. Ladies and gentlemen, it is-

Rob: If you have a guess by his strawberry blonde-

Meg: [laughs].

Rob: -curls and his-

Glenn: Ladies and gentlemen, Sandy Duncan.

Charlie: Sandy Duncan in the studio.


David: Come on, Dave real name.

Rob: David.

Charlie: David owes me.

Glenn: I'm so sorry Dave. I didn't-

Charlie: You did a nice spin.

Glenn: -honestly I thought it was Sandy Duncan.

David: Oh, yeah, well, no, I- I get that a lot but well, and Sandy Duncan's gone gray. So that makes sense too 'cause in the back it's-

Meg: [laughs].

David: -it's fantastic.

Glenn: Uh, if you pause-

Charlie: A place where people don't know who Sandy Duncan is anymore.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I was just about to say for-

David: That's- that's an old trick.

Glenn: -for you listeners and- and watchers out there, you're probably gonna have to look up Sandy Duncan [chuckles].

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: What was she most famous for besides the Hogan Peter-

Charlie: The Hogan Peter Pan.

David: The Hogan Peter Pan.

Rob: Right.

Glenn: Peter Pan?

Duncan: Yeah.

Rob: Broadway star but really the Hogan-- She's one of the America's living room by the- by the Hogan.

David: She was a replacement, right?

Rob: Yeah, for Valerie Harper.

Charlie: She have a glass eye?

David: People don't know what that is either. I mean, about most people don't know we're talking about.

Glenn: [laughs].

Rob: She got a glass.

David: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: She got a glass eye.

David: Right.

Glenn: Wait, wait [crosstalk]-

David: Do we all know someone with a glass eye though? Like does everyone have someone that they know from their hometown that's like, "Oh yeah, they had a glass eye."

Meg: Yeah. My uncle does, my uncle does.

David: I do, do you?

Charlie: But- but, how often was the glass or how often was it a lazy or wandering eye that kids assumed was a glass eye?

Glenn: Was glass because why wouldn't it move?

Charlie: Yeah. Or why-

Rob: Or why does it move at different way?

Charlie: -was it aimed a different way?

Glenn: Yeah, sometimes- sometimes the eye moves at a slightly different rate like it-

Charlie: Uh huh.

Glenn: -one moves and then the other one catch it-has to catch up.

Charlie: Like chunks ears from Goonies.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: They just-


They got minds of their own.

Meg: That's a reference that no one will get that.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: A disturbing choice in that movie be like I think we're gonna make the ears just wiggle to just terrify kids for-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Anyway, David's here.

Glenn: [laughs].

Rob: Welcome David.

Meg: Uh.

Glenn: Welcome buddy.

David: Hey- hey happy to be here. Good to be here. Nothing worse than a-

Charlie: Yeah.

David: -uh, podcast on video.


Glenn: Are you in full hair and makeup today?

David: Uh, no, no, no hair makeup. Just, uh-

Glenn: Well, you look great.

David: -ran a brush through it. Yeah, you know.

Charlie: Yeah. It's brushed.

David: And had a-

Glenn: Like the dermatologists? Your skin looks fantastic.

David: No, no, nothing.

Glenn: No.

David: Just you know, wake up and just- just live with terror and fear most days.

Meg: [laughs].

Glenn: Some sort of that.

David: And not anger and, uh, it just-- I don't know maybe just kinda comes to the surface.

Glenn: Okay.

David: Yeah.

Rob: It seems like the anger doesn't come through.

David: Oh, good. Good. Oh, well.

Charlie: I actually don't think you're an angry person. You know, you can get angry but I don't think you run hot.

David: Right.

Glenn: There's a- there's a level of, uh, there's a level of- of anger underneath. I- I've often said I think a lot of comedy comes from anger. I don't know if that's-- I don't think that's the case with every comedian but-

Charlie: Tell you what, if you don't have any anger, I don't trust you at all.


You know what I mean? Like if-

David: I- I'm suspicious if you're too nice. For sure.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: I've definitely had that work.

Rob: You-and you have that- that Southern reserve, the- the Texas like you're-

David: Mm hmm.

Charlie: Mmm.

Rob: -you're holding back and I get that from time to time.

David: It's the boots. The boots they contain you, you know what I mean? They- [chuckles]

Charlie: Yeah. They- they-

Glenn: Really well.

Charlie: Well- You're wearing a high top sneaker which is the boot of sneakers.


Rob: The boot of sneakers.

Charlie: I believe it is.

David: Yeah.

Glenn: Charlie you dressed up for this today?

Charlie: I wore this sport coat for David and, uh-

David: Ay, nice.

Charlie: -some ratty jeans and my T shirt with the banana on it. That's the velvet on the drawing.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: And, uh, I think that these-

Rob: You read it, I don't think that nobody knows.

Meg: [laughs].

Charlie: Yeah. Sure, sure.

Glenn: Oh, no. People- people know to read, right?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Now, did these pants tear naturally or is this-

Charlie: This- this is a natural knee tear.

Glenn: Yeah, because they do- the rest of the jean looks-

Charlie: It's falling apart.

Glenn: -pristine.

Charlie: I mean, if you look closely at the podcast, I've worn them most every episode. And, uh, as I tend to do, um, [crosstalk].

Glenn: I blew the crotch outta these. I had to get it fixed.

Charlie: Oh, man. And I love those jeans.

Glenn: Blew the crotch right out.

Rob: We saw Chad Coleman this weekend, at Comic-Con.

Glenn: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: We gotta have Chad on the pod.

Glenn: Gotta have Chad on the podcast.

Charlie: Yeah. But for now we have David.

Rob: That's yeah, we have David. Let's not talk about other guests.

Glenn: We really should get Chad though.

David: It would be so good.

Glenn: We really should get Chad, though.

Charlie: It would be so much better if we had Chad.

David: It would be so good if you go to book him. You book-- let's go- let's go book him right now.

Charlie: But we got David.

David: Let's book him right now. I was actually remembering with Chad, a moment from, uh, from one of the episodes where he does the-the jean shorts. Uh, where he talks about the jean short-- the let's get weird one where you-

Charlie: Yes, yes.

David: -you guys we're-we're all over at the party and--

Glenn: Gotta take 'em off every now and then.

David: Yeah, yeah,-

Charlie: Yeah.

David: -exactly.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

David: And then we were rehearsing and I remember he-he had not, he didn't notice-

Glenn: No.

David: -for some reason there was a monologue, that jean monologue, and I was-- when I saw him at Comic-Con, I was like, "Do you remember that like the last time I saw you, I feel like we-- you were-- I was like, "Oh and you got that funny jean monologue." He's like, "What are you talking about?" I'm like, "You don't-- you have a monologue, like right here. It's in the scene that we're rehearsing."

Glenn: Yeah.

David: He's like, "Oh shit. [laughing] Oh shit, okay. I gotta go remember this."

Glenn: Which is also not like Chad at all. Like he's-he's like a theater actor like comes prepared, like sometimes over-prepared,-

David: Yeah.

Glenn: -I would argue. And yeah, he was like, "oh shit."

Charlie: No, I feel like it's more like us. Like whatever department was in charge of sending him his materials probably like-

Glenn: Oh really?

David: I-I don't know-

Charlie: Yeah.

David: -but either way, it's just like, he memorized it right before we did it, and it was-- it's-it's in the canon now.

Chad: I used to have some jean shorts like that too. I slept in them shits, man. Eventually, I blew the crotch out them things, but you can't wear ever day and expect for 'em to hold up. That's some nice ass denim too. Miss them shorts. But you gotta take 'em off every now and then. You gotta take 'em off, son.

Glenn: And you know what? It was- it was better because sometimes-sometimes like, I'm-- I think Chad, because he didn't do a lot of comedy before he started working with us, was a little nervous about it. I mean he would like really prepare for it, you know, we-we-- 'cause he was in Boldly Going Nowhere.

Charlie: With David Hornsby.

Meg: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: With David Hornsby and, uh, you know, so it was kind of nice to see him slightly unprepared because then we-- he was able to just kind of like follow his comedic instincts, which I think an actor's nightmare, right?

David: But that's an actor's nightmare, right? When you show up and you're like, "Oh, you have a monologue.-

Glenn: Upset.

David: -you don't-

Glenn: Yeah,

David: -you don't know that?"

Charlie: It's a literal nightmare.

Rob: Boldly Going Nowhere and always looking for content, a-and-and I don't know that other podcasts have done things like this but why don't we just put Boldly Going Nowhere out on the podcast and have people watch it?

Glenn: Is it-- it might be on YouTube.

Rob: David's so funny in it. Really?

David: No, I don't think it is. -

Glenn: Uh, I don't know. Is it not? Yeah, yeah. Uh, the biggest problem with--

Charlie: I don't think so.

Glenn: My biggest issue with Boldly Going Nowhere is the sound.

Rob: I can't remember.

Glenn: Because like we did a sound mix-

David: I would never notice that.

Glenn: -and for some reason, the final sound mix the-the-the s-the, uh,

David: The score was like-

Glenn: The score was-

David: -mixed too low.

Glenn: Yeah, it was like, you almost can't hear the score. So there's like scenes of like, just dead quiet, like just dead air.

Charlie: Dead air.


Glenn: And we literally added in-- because it was a spaceship, we thought like, it sounded too quiet when it was quiet so we added like a [imitates engine hum].

Charlie: Like a hum. Yeah, sure.

Glenn: There's like a [imitates engine hum] underneath everything.

Rob: So you could hear everything. Everything sounds vacuous.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, everything sounds vacuous, yeah,yeah, yeah.

Rob: Nothing's better for comedy than vacuums.


Brigsby: So I finally got a new mattress in my room. Oh my God, you would not believe the rigamarole I had to go through to get that thing, but it's really helping with my-my back problems. Oh, Tracy. I miss sleeping next to you. Don't you just wanna grab each other and just be wild and just roll around together?

Tracy: Mm-hmm.

Brigsby: How are the kids?

Tracy: Mm-hmm.

Brigsby: Can you hear me? I feel like you can't hear me.

Tracy: Yeah, kids--

Brigsby: Oh, did they get that picture I sent of me posing with the blaster?

Tracy: Hey, where's the money?

Brigsby: I sent the money. Are you not getting the money?

Tracy: It's not enough, Lance. The kids need more.

Brigsby: It's not enough? It's practically everything I'm making up here.

Tracy: The other dads send more money.

Brigsby: Well, I-I'm trying to send as much as I can. I mean, I need a little money to survive.

Tracy: Okay. Well, you're letting the kids down, so-

Brigsby: Where are the kids? I wanna say out those little rugrats.

Tracy: I don't know where they are. Okay well then we'll talk then okay, sweet?

Brigsby: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that?

Tracy: What was what?

Brigsby: I thought that there was a gentleman in a towel that walked by.

Tracy: Uh, oh, hun. Oh, I think I got a weird connection, probably going behind some kind of a moon.

Brigsby: Moon? Are we-- Oh, can you not hear me?

Space Officer 1: Yoh, Briggs, Briggs.

Brigsby: Yeah.

Space Officer 1: Looks like we gotta go let that inspector guy on board after all, so.

Brigsby: Oh, okay babe, we gotta go. Oh, she's gone.

Space Officer 1: Come on,.

Brigsby: Must've had a bad connection. Are we going around a moon?

Space Officer 1: No, there's no moons where we are in-between.

Brigsby: Why's she always cutting out?

Space Officer 2: Right this way, sir. This is the ship's temporary holding facility where we house various perpetrators we have on board.

Space Officer 3: What are these people being held for exactly?

Space Officer 2: Well, you know, leaving clothes lying around for somebody else to trip on, disagreeing with the captain, being a punk ass bitch, that kind of thing.

Prisoner: All I was doing was just chewing gum.

Space Officer 2: Yeah, but you were smacking it and driving everybody crazy, being all loud.

Rob: I say we've made a couple of pilots- and nobody's ever seen them. And maybe that's good, but maybe we put them out there and see what the people think.

Charlie: Well, I'll tell you who doesn't swing and mich- miss much? Uh, fuck, I just sw-swung-swung.


Glenn: I swang, I swang and I missed.

Charlie: I just swing it in it and missing it right in the middle of my sentence. Fuck it. Forget it.


I was just trying to spin it back to David man, let's-let's go.

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: All right, uh, part of the problem here-

Rob: Well, I was talking about Boldly Going Nowhere cause David is so great in it, but if there's another show he's also great in.

Charlie: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Rob: Mister Quest.

Meg: [chuckles]

David: Uh, look, I brought some- I brought some things in case-

Charlie: Okay.

David: -you know, uh-

David: -we got-we got in a lull.

Glenn: Oh you brought a topics-- you-you brought a, uh, a stack of topics?

Charlie: Oh you brought note cards.

Meg: Oh, David are you trying to take my job?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: We shouldn't have to do this. Yeah. I mean-

Meg: You can have it. [chuckles]

David: Well, just in, uh, just in case if we hit a lull, I have, you know-- it's like, like things that I thought I might say like I-that I had prepped for my own, like TedTalk if you ever, you know, you get the past-

Charlie: Okay, would you like to say one?

David: Um, well, I-I can if it gets in a lull.

Charlie: Okay, well then let me, let me try to unlull that. So hang on to those cards.

David: [crosstalk] I don't know, I kind of feel like we're [chuckles] we're in a nosedive, but, uh-

Rob: You know, we'll just put a vacuous sound underneath all of us.


Glenn: We should do that.

Charlie: I wanna take you guys to 1997.

Glenn: Oh, take me there baby.

David: I don't- I don't know.

Charlie: It's Western Massachusetts.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I've signed up for a summer theater festival. There's a young man there at that theater festival. His name is David Tiberius Hornsby.

Meg: [laughs]

David: Close enough.

Charlie: Yeah, what is your middle name?

Glenn: Tiberius.

David: Allen.

Charlie: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. David [crosstalk]

Rob: What was it?

David: Allen.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Okay, David Allen Grier-

David: I did want to change it at one point to Kirk when I was a kid, after Kirk Cameron. And I did, my mom said, you know, I'm thinking about, uh, changing your name because we just kind of named you. I'm thinking we should have name you up your grandfather.

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: We just found a name.

David: We just kind of like threw it out.

Glenn: We didn't put a lot of thought into it. We saw you and we were like-

Charlie: We really whiffed on this one. We whiffed.

David: We whiffed.

Glenn: Yeah. I'm not getting anything.

David: Yeah like 10 or something. I-I don't, you know somewhere around there. And I was like, "Oh, well, actually, this is perfect cause I'm thinking about changing to Kirk. Would that be cool?"

Charlie: [chuckles]

David: And why Kirk? Like cause he is the coolest. Kirk Cameron on, uh, Growing Pains was the coolest.

Charlie: Mm-hmm. Yes.

David: Not so much anymore.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: But, uh-

Charlie: He took a little bit of a right turn.

Glenn: Yeah, right. A very right turn, yeah. Yeah.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Yeah, very self-righteous turn.

Charlie: Hmm.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: This is what- I-I don't want you to confuse that moment for a low. Let's-let's-let's get back into this.

Charlie: Okay, so the year is 1997. David Hornsby has been cast, as has Charlie Day in a little play called Johnny on the Spot.

David: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: Uh-

Rob: Who was Johnny?

Charlie: Neither of us were Johnny, so, you know, at this-

Rob: Neither. Somebody else got Johnny?

David: Scott Wolf.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, we weren't given the spot. Um.

David: Yeah, Scott-Scott Wolf is here.

Charlie: Yeah, uh, uh, Scott Wolf wasn't there that year.

David: Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

Charlie: Um, but, uh, no, this was Christopher Reeve's wife was in the play. I forgot her name was Diane maybe.

David: Uh-huh. Yeah, Dana. Dana Reeves and, um- and, uh, Jim-Jim Naughton.

Charlie: Jim Naughton. Jim Naughton, the famous sort of Broadway actor.

David: Yeah. He was acting and directing. Always very, uh, very easy with, uh, interesting when you're directing a play that you're also starring in.

Charlie: Yes, I forgot he was directing it.

David: Yeah.

Charlie: Uh, and we were-- I was like a sign holder or something. Like, come in and be like, uh, you know, they're really buying signs today or whatever. Like-like one line and they were like-

Glenn: You were a sign seller.

Charlie: Yeah, something. Yeah, maybe a sign seller.


Yeah, I don't recall. Do you remember what your role was?

David: I-I were you in that play?

Charlie: Sure was, pal.

David: You sure?

Charlie: He was the sign seller.

David: You were not- you were not in one of the other plays and it was like, uh-

Charlie: I was in one of the other plays to buddy, I was that good. But I was in Johnny on the Spot.

David: You were on Johnny on the Spot. Do you remember when Paul Newman came by?

Charlie: I do remember when Paul Newman came by.

David: Okay, so you were in it. Okay, cause I was dong rehearsal. Paul Newman came by.

Glenn: Fucking slinging salad dressing.

Charlie: Paul Newman told Charlie, he had the stuff.

David: He did?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: He didn't tell me that.

Glenn: Wait wait. Paul Newman told you that you had the stuff.

Charlie: That's a whole other thing. This is not my thing.

David: Wait a second. No.

Charlie: This is David's thing.

David: He was talking to the catering person and they were like, yeah, I got the stuff, here's your apple sauce, Mr. Newman.

Charlie: Yes.

David: And it turns like he said, I got the stuff.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, it was like-

David: I got the stuff.

Charlie: He was like fuck I need a beer and he's like, anyone got a beer and he's like, he's got the stuff.


David: And you're like, I know, oh. [laughs] Yeah I got a beer.

Charlie: He's got the beer, here you go Mr. Newman.

David: You're gonna be great one day kid. You got the stuff.

Charlie: Yeah he goes, relax this is Newman's own now and he-


-took of the message. No, uh, I was in the play, but I had like one line in that play.

David: Okay, okay.

Charlie: I had more lines in the play that Paul was at the rehearsal. I don't remember him at the rehearsal. I remember him at the premiere of the show.

David: I do remember he said-- someone made a joke or something and he-he was talking about, "I thought it was really good. You know, I thought and blah, blah he's like, I don't know, it's all Budweiser up here," you know, and we're all like, "Yes, he's funny too."

Charlie: He's funny, too. He's referencing his, uh, functional alcoholism in an amusing-


Charlie: -way. I'll relate to that in 30 years. [laughs] Uh, but, uh, I-I remember-- I didn't-- we weren't buddies yet. We-- you know.

David: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: There's a--

David: You were an admirer.

Charlie: Yeah, I was an admirer. I was a fan. I was like, "Here's a talented guy." And I remember picking up your-- you had a-- you know, we would have these books of compact discs and you're probably like getting psyched-

David: Case logic.

Charlie: Mm-hmm. Sure.

David: They- no one knows what that is now either.

Kaitlin: Oh, sure.

Charlie: You're getting psyched up for like the play listening to your tunes.

David: Oh yeah.

Charlie: And I was like, "Oh cool. Let's do this."

David: Like a boxer before the match.

Charlie: Yeah. I'm like, "Do you mind if I flip through?" And it was like, you know-

David: She loves me.

Charlie: -Phantom of the Opera, Les Mis, like all these-- I was like, "Oh, I'm not sure I'm gonna--

David: Colm Wilkinson solo album.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. I was like, "I'm not sure I'm gonna jive with this guy."

David: Liz Callaway solo album.

Charlie: Uh, and I don't know that we hung out that much that first year.

David: That-that probably put you off for a few.

Charlie: It put me off. I was--

David: We are not the same.

Charlie: Oh. I was like, "oh, he's like one of those guys." And then, uh, the next summer, we both auditioned to get in the next sort of level up in the program. And we were in a company together where we're spending like the entire summer together doing sort of like avant garde theatre. And I found out that you were the funniest man on the planet. And thick as thieves ever since then.

David: That's right. Yeah. That was 25 years ago, which is pretty crazy.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: That's a quarter of a century guys.

David: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah. So fast forward, uh, fast forward through that quarter of century to the point where we're making the pilot of Always Sunny and I was like--

Rob: I wanna back up a second. I wanna tell you about the time I met David.

Charlie: Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Rob: Okay. Did I steal your thunder?

Charlie: No, no, no, no, no, no.

Rob: Do you remember the first time you met David? 'Cause I had a similar-

Glenn: Were we together?

Rob: -experience to-to-to meeting David as Mary Elizabeth did 'cause-- and you, which is, at first you're like, "I don't know about this guy."

David: I don't remember Mary Elizabeth's. I don't remember what story it is, but, okay.

Rob: Her-no, her point of view is she didn't know if she liked you-

David: Sure, sure.

Rob: -at first and I was-- I was the same. 'Cause you-you seem very persnickety.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Um.

David: But I'm not obviously.

Rob: Exceptionally-

Kaitlin: Oh no.

Rob: Exceptionally fussy.

Glenn: Can you- can you just-- can you just a little--

David: Get your hands a little close.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: Go ahead.

Rob: The day I met David, you remember this, David?

David: I do. Yeah.

Rob: Was at, uh, a taping of a little show called the Luis Guzman Show. It was called Luis.

Charlie: Oh.

Rob: And, um-

Charlie: You guys met that day?

Rob: My friend Charlie--

David: Yes.

Rob: Yes. My friend Charlie was in this pilot. It was on the Fox lot. I had never seen a television show shop before. I thought this would be cool.

Glenn: You didn't come to That ‘80s Show?

Rob: I was never invited. I don't think we were friends yet.

Glenn: We weren't friends yet.

Rob: No.

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: No. But I think you had a similar experience to me where you were like, "I don't-- I not know if I'm friends with-- I wanna be friends with that guy."

Glenn: With David?

Rob: No, with me.

David: Oh, with you.

Glenn: I definitely didn't. You- you were--

Rob: But I grew on you. I-I wore you down. Um, so David- so- so David, uh, I meet, "Oh, you're also friends with Charlie. Oh, great. This is really cool." We're at this- this- the taping of the show where they try to keep you excited in a very air-conditioned room.

David: Live audience.

Rob: Everybody's laughing. Live audience.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: And in between-- Those who don't know, uh, in between takes or in between scenes, to get the crowd excited, they have a warmup- warmup comic.

Glenn: Right.

Rob: And the comic is there to just-- to jazz people up and get them laughing.

Glenn: Keep the energy going.

Rob: Yeah. Just to--

Charlie: Pump up that crowd-

Rob: Exactly.

Charlie: -so that they can get to that.

Rob: And so the-- and the guy's doing a pretty good job. Everybody's excited. It's gonna be a big fun show. And they say, "Okay, great. Now we're just gonna wait for a few minutes and get everything set up." And David says, "Great." And he takes out a little book that he has.

David: Big book. Big book. Big book.

Rob: Yeah. A big book. I believe it was the SNL book. Was it not?

David: Yeah, it had just come out.

Glenn: Okay. I thought it was like Charles Dickens-

Charlie: It is a great book.

Glenn: -like A Tale of Two Cities.

Charlie: What a great book. What a great book.

Rob: A great book. Fantastic book. David starts reading the book. Now-

Glenn: He's sitting-- Are you sitting next to him?

Rob: I'm sitting next-

David: I don't remember.

Rob: Yeah. Near him, next to him. 'Cause I remember the guy-the- David just starts reading, and the audience--

Glenn: So he had an option to strike up a conversation with his, you know, mutual friend of Charlie Day or read Nicholas Nickelby.

Rob: Yeah. That was-- wasn't the weirdest part. The weirdest part was just being out in public, in- as a participant in an audience and just popping out a book and- and reading.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: It was down time, right? It- just to be clear. We were sort of between setups and he was, uh-

Glenn: Yeah.

David: -kind of talking to the audience. "Who wants candy." You know, "Who wants to perform for candy?" You know, that kind of thing.

Rob: Yeah. There's-- there's down time--

Charlie: Using treats just like animals.

Rob: Now, this standup comic is like, "Hey man, can you put the fucking book away?" He comes up to him and says like, "Can you put the book away?"

David: By the way, how many people are in this audience? I mean--

Rob: 100.

David: 100. It's a-- it's a rather large audience, right?

Rob: Yeah. But he singled you out because his whole job is to keep the audience focused. And I remember the guy saying, "I'm gonna get fired." Like, "I'm gonna get chewed out because my whole job is to get you to focus on what's happening there and not what's happening in the book. Why are you here?"

Charlie: I can't go back to the Laugh Hut. I can't go back. I gotta stay a gig here, man. They bring me in every Friday.

Rob: And I remember David-- Now in that situation, I- I don't-- I don't know. I was like, "Oh shit." Like, "He's getting dressed down." And I remember David's response was, "No."

David: Yeah.

Glenn: Whoa. Nice.

Rob: "No. I'm not putting my book away."

David: Yeah. You should have seen it, man.

Rob: And I was like, "Oh." Well--

Charlie: Fuck, yeah.

Rob: Then the guy was like, "Dude, just fucking put the book away." The more he got like aggressive with David, the more David was like, "I'm not putting my book away. I'm gonna read the book."

David: Well, he said, "who's your friend?" He said-- I said, "what are you doing here?" I'm like, "Well, my friend's in the show, I'm here to see him." He's like, "Who's your friend? What's his name?" I'm like, "I'm not telling you."

Rob: Yeah. “I'm not telling you. I don't have to tell you anything." I'm like-- I'm sitting there watching something like-- I loved this guy.

Charlie: I love that, I love it.

Rob: Now I'm like, "Now I know I wanna be friends with him."

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: I put my readers back on, and I opened my book up.


David: Thank you very much, sir.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah, and to David's credit, it is like a four-hour long-

Glenn: It is a-- an endeavor.

Charlie: Oh, what a nightmare.

Glenn: It's an endeavor.

David: No, you were the first person that was like, "I think acting on--" Well, I don't know at that point, but-but it was like, "Oh, this is exciting. One of our friends is on a show. Like, let's go see it."

Rob: Oh, yeah.

David: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: In front of a live studio audience-

David: Yeah.

Rob: -and you celebrated by reading a book in the middle of it. However, the whole [laughter].

David: I see-- I still don't think that's weird. I'm like, "Okay, so you wanna read a book in some downtime?" I-I still find it bizarre and I-I-- to me, I'd stand up and defend that.

Glenn: Sorry, to be clear was the--

Rob: If you go out to dinner with somebody, will you bring a book just in case the conversation is boring?

David: No, but I'm not sitting in 100 seat-

Glenn: For when your person goes to the bathroom, you bust your book out.

David: Uh, is it any different than looking at your phone-

Rob: Yeah.

David: And like scrolling and reading something?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: No, it's not. It's actually better.


Rob: Anyway, I was definitely interested in becoming friends with David, although he kept me at arm's length for a while.

David: Yeah. Well, because usually when I meet someone, I'm like, "Who's this jerk? I gotta deal with. " You know, if like that's the first-- You know, I gotta deal with someone new here."


Glenn: Was that because that-- that's kind of your-your initial feeling about anybody?

David: Yes.

Glenn: Or like, "Huh, I gotta-I gotta figure out who this person is and-“

Rob: What do they want from me?

David: Yeah, they want something from me.

Rob: They wanna emotionally connect with me and I'm not-I'm not-

Glenn: I'm not into that.

David: I don't need that. I don't need that right now. That's enough.

Rob: I need to keep him interested.

David: Yeah. He's like, "Hey I'm Rob." I'm like, "I got enough going on." "What?"

Glenn: That's the first thing outta your mouth.

David: Yeah. Oh, okay, man. I'm Charlie's friend.


Charlie: I have a life of my own man.


David: Uh, no, I totally remember that and the-and the it's a-- Uh, yeah, I don't think it's that bizarre. Um, but it definitely is a-- it's definitely a sign of character. Certainly, if you were to write a character, you'd be like-

Glenn: Yeah, for sure, for sure. Tells you a lot about them. How do you tell the audience about this character without exposition?

Rob: So that was 20 years ago and I think-I think the lesson we're learning here is that people don't change.

David: No, absolutely not.

Charlie: Oh, no.

Rob: We're all exactly the same. We grow, we learn, we become more wise, but we're pretty much the same people we've always been.

Glenn: I don't remember, uh, I think my first-- the first time I ever saw David Hornsby. I had heard about David Hornsby, was when we were shooting our Haley Joel Osment, uh, Frankie Muniz documentary-- mockumentary. You and Jimmy Simpson played a married couple.

David: Mm-hmm, [chuckles] Yeah.


Glenn: I remember--

Rob: Haley's parents.

Glenn: What, sorry? Oh, it was Haley's parents. Yeah, yeah.

David: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: I distinctly remember-- I wasn't even there when you guys shot. For some reason I wasn't there when you shot.

David: Yeah, we shot separately.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: I met you at that point, yeah.

Glenn: We hadn't met yet, yeah?

David: Yeah.

Glenn: So the first time I ever saw you in my life was-was when you guys were showing me the footage of what you'd shot with-with David and Jimmy. First of all, right off the bat, I was like, "Amazing and super funny that instead of having a man and a woman, it's just two men and one man is playing a woman," and-and then I--

Charlie: Wait, who played the woman, was it Jimmy?

Glenn: Jimmy played the woman.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

David: So good.

Glenn: I distinctly remember you eating a glazed donut and drinking a Budweiser-

David: Mm-hmm. [laughs]

Charlie: Oh, yeah.

Glenn: -and thinking that's a really funny choice in and of itself. Like--

David: The combination of sugar and alcohol must have driven you crazy.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.


Glenn: That's why I thought it was so, so funny. I do remember thinking like this man is-- both these men are extremely funny and I knew Jimmy at that point, but I was like, this guy is also really, really, really funny. Then I think we probably met, honestly, the first time we shot something together.

David: I feel like-- I remember meeting you at like a bowling alley like we went bowling. Remember bowling? We used to go bowling for fun.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Remember social lives?

Glenn: Remember sticking your fingers in a random ball, you know that everybody else--

Charlie: That thousands of people had stuck their fingers in, sure.

Glenn: [laughs] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: Then take and then eating fries, you know.

Charlie: Then eating fries and not a care in the world.

David: No, didn't matter and guess what? We're all still here.

Charlie: Yeah, we're all fine.

Meg: I met David at my interview for Sunny.

Charlie: Oh, yes.

Glenn: Did you?

Meg: David conducted my interview for Sunny.

David: Myself and Scott Marder.

Meg: Yeah.

David: That's right.

Meg: Yeah, David and Scott, uh, interviewed me and I had to pitch a storyline, uh, to him. I was very nervous because I had watched David on Sunny for a long time. Uh, but he was very nice.

Charlie: It was a warm room?

Meg: Yeah, yeah. It wasn't too intimidating. They were- they were very nice. Um, I mean, they weren't like overly generous, but like I-- that would make me more nervous if I was like, "Oh, they think I need their laughs." Then he must have given me a good review because then I ended up meeting all you guys.

Charlie: You got the job.

David: I ran into Rob's office like, "I found her, I found her."


Meg: Do you have the shoe?

David: Come see.

Meg: Can we put it on her and see if it fits?


Rob: Get the shoe. Where is it?

Charlie: Where is it?

David: I'm wearing it. Why are you wearing it? I don't know it feels good, it felt comforting. I won't take it off! She can go find her own shoe, that hag!


Charlie: We are brought to you in part by Shopify.

Glenn: Now let me ask you boys a question. Are you afraid of scaling your business?

Rob: Can I be real with you?

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: Can I be real with you too? What is scaling?

Glenn: Well honestly, the best way to do it is Shopify honestly. I mean Shopify gives entrepreneurs the tools that a larger operation might have so upstarts startups and established business alike can sell everywhere. You know, synchronize online an in person sales and effortlessly stay informed.

Rob: Oh I love that, so Shopify makes it so that my business can succeed from down the street to around the globe.

Glenn: Oh no, it's already powers millions and millions of business I mean from first scale to full scale.

Rob: Plus you can reach customers or across social network like Facebook, Instagram, TikToks, Pinterest and more.

Charlie: It seems like they real deal.

Glenn: It absolutely is, so go to, all lowercase, for a 14 day free trial and get who access to Shopify's entire suite features.

Rob: Grow your business today with Shopify today. Go to right now. That is


Charlie: This episode of The Always Sunny Podcast is brought to you by McDonald's.

Rob: Per Meg's request.

Meg: Yeah yeah, you see I'm a details person as you know and here on the podcast we love to dive into each episode of Sunny in detail, but you know what else is fun to discuss in detail?

Charlie: I'm guessing you're gonna to say McDonald's crispy chicken sandwich.

Meg: Bingo. Are you more of like a standard or a spicy or even a deluxe?

Charlie: Alright here is the thing about me- If you know me you will know I love anything spicy okay? That's easy for me.

Rob: Now I know I'm a deluxe guy, whenever Caitlin and the kids are out of town, I go get one by myself and watch myself eat it in the mirror and I'll be like yeah yeah you are doing this.

Charlie: Mm-hmm

Rob: You are doing this bud, and you love it.

Meg: Well look there is an absolutely one place where nothing will suffice except a good old fashioned McDonald's crispy chicken glory.

Charlie: So what's the right answer? What crispy chicken sandwich build is best? Every single one.

Rob: This is making me very hungry, it's almost about lunch time and I want that McDonald's crispy chicken sandwich. Your order ahead in the McDonald's app and try the sandwich, that invented crispy juicy tender today.

Meg: App downloads and register are required.


Rob: Now Meg, We are planning on watching some of David's highlights.

Meg: Yeah, I've made a super cut of some of Cricket’s best moments so we can watch the de-evolution of Cricket over the years.

Glenn: It happens fast.

Meg: It's does, so I'll get that loaded up.

David: Yeah, the curve goes from normal to insane.

Rob: Cartoon!

David: Not real.

Glenn: I do remember noting how incredibly grounded your performance is in the very first episode that you in the Miracle episode.

David: I feel like that where you are like-- for me like that's when you are young actor and I mean I'm not saying it's better or worse but I'm saying it's young actor and like all right, I wanna just-- not gonna bring any kind of angle to this, just this perform-- like when you go to acting school and you are like I'm going to perform this as sincerely as possible-

Glenn: Yeah.

David: You know, and then as you find and ask you keep going, you are like "oh, I gotta kind of bring something to this a bit more," but, I feel like in acting school you are like "no, do this as neutral as possible." Like I was probably in that mindset as well.

Glenn: I was always afraid of being too big.

David: Right exactly.

Glenn: That was always my biggest fear, like don't be broad.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: And then I would see other people do stuff that was big but wasn't broad, and I was like how do you do that? How do you do something that's like really intense and big and you know, boisterous or whatever and have it not be-you know, feel broad.

David: You put a pancake on your face, it's-

Charlie: What's on the page though, right? Like you couldn't do that first episode of-

David: No.

Charlie: -Matthew Mara big and broad.

David: No, he's straight man.

Charlie: He's grounded kind of guy-

David: Yes.

Charlie: -who takes his religion seriously and you know.

David: Yeah, If you are a guest star on Sunny, you're probably straight man.

Charlie: Yeah, usually right yeah.

Meg: Alright here we go.

Rob: Alright here we go, here it is.

Cricket: Oh wow it is you, Matthew Mara.

Glenn: You look the same.

Charlie: You look exactly-

Glenn: That's very upsetting to me.

Cricket: We were in physical therapy twice a week after school. I was the only person in physical therapy with you. I wore the giant leg braces.

Dee: Oh my God. Yeah, with the leg braces.

Charlie: Hey remember what we used to call you in high school? Rickety cricket dude. That's right, rickety cricket leg.


Dee: Forgive me further for I have sinned, It has been 10 years since.

David: I remember this was just a box in like a warehouse stage or something. It's like I don't know what part of stage it was, this was in-- what was the name of that Hearst building or something?

Charlie: Oh, yeah yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: Was it downtown?

Rob: The Herald Examiner.

Glenn: Herald Examiner, yeah.

Megan: This is one of my favorite scenes with you, David, because it gives you just like a little prop business with the door open, which you're so good at like just utilizing just so well, the timing of-

David: We love a good prop.

Megan: [laughs]

Charlie: One of David's great talents is, uh, miming, you know? So like when you're in a writer's room with David, he will pretend to like eat a sandwich or something in a very detailed and hilarious way.

David: I had a runner where we do the food bit where it's-- It-it evolved from like eating a sandwich, but then it became like eating something and people would try to guess what it was, but doing it very weird. Like if I had cook-- like, I would go like-- And you're like, what are you doing?

Glenn: Looks like corn on the cob.

David: Corn on the cob. That's one of the funny weird ways to do it, where you're just-- Yeah, just twisting it.

Charlie: I would have thought that move was an apple. You really kind of seem to scrape your teeth-

David: Yeah, you're scraping it.

Charlie: -in a downward motion.

Megan: [laughs]

Glenn: He's scraping the corn off the- He's scraping the corn off the cob.

David: That used to be a recurring bit. That's a good bit because it's--

Charlie: The listeners at home are loving a good miming bit.


Dee: I want you to know something, I love you. Wait, wait.

Cricket: What?

Dee: Open the door.

Cricket: No.

Dee: Mattie, open the door.

Rob: [laughs]

Dee: I love you.

Cricket: I know that. Say seven Hail Marys.

Dee: Hold on, hold on. I love you.


Megan: The timing-

Charlie: It's so cruel too because-

Glenn: But I think she--

Charlie: -without context, you forget that she's just-- Right? Wasn't she like trying to win a bet or something?

Glenn: No, no.

Rob: I think she actually feels the things, right?

Charlie: She feels it, right, and then she-she has it and she doesn't feel it anymore.

Glenn: Yeah, exactly. Once she gets it, she's like, ''Oh. Uh-oh, no, I don't actually want it. I just wanted you to want it.''

Dee: What are you doing here?

Cricket: I thought about what you said. And I think you were right. I mean, in-in some weird way, this was God's plan for us. I mean, I had to become a priest to reconnect with you and I had to leave the priesthood to have you.

Dee: Huh?

Cricket: Mr. Reynolds, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage.

Frank: Done.


Megan: So that's the thing about Danny.


Megan: You think like you can act as much as you want in a scene with him and then he says one word in this entire scene like just destroys. “Done.”

David: Uh, so good.

Glenn: Done.

Charlie: Done.

Megan: [laughs]

Glenn: I do like it.

David: I think this is the day I met him for the first time.

Charlie: Oh really?

David: Yeah. I think I was like--

Megan: Do you remember what that was like?

David: I-I-I-- It was very quick. It was like, you know, shaking his hand sort of, and then I'm in a scene with him all of a sudden. And you're-- Then he says something like that and you're like, Oh my God, this is-- that's amazing.''

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Megan: [laughs] Done.

David: Done. The timing.

Dee: Did you just say that you left the priesthood?

Cricket: [laughs] Yes-yes, I had to.

Dee: Matty, wow. You should not have done that!

Cricket: [thunder cracking] What do you mean?

Dee: You gotta-- You should go and undo that right now.

Cricket: So-so you don't love me?

Dee: Oh, Matty-

Glenn: Oh God.

Dee: I think you are a great guy.


Glenn: [groans]

Dee: Why don't you go back to the priesthood?

Cricket: I can't, okay? I-I-I-I can't. You can't just go back, Dee. Yeah, I wanna become a priest again. You can't, okay?

Dee: But, uh, but are you sure? Did you do-did you double-check that?

Cricket: Oh, my life is ruined.

Megan: That was Season 2. So you were already a writer then. So were you like involved in coming up with like what Cricket's character was gonna be? Or did you come in as an actor and then join as a writer? Or like--

Glenn: He wasn't- He wa-- Then we didn't have a staff and he wasn't like on the staff. We just--

David: Second season, [crosstalk] I-I wrote a episode, second season. Cricket came about because-- Well, I helped out on the, you know, the pilots of the-the shooting, uh-

Glenn: Yeah.

David: -e-early on. But then I remember Charlie was like, ''Hey, we have-- Like do you wanna be on the show? We can-- We have like this guest spot you could do Season 1 here.'' Um, I think we're at your house, like at a party or something. And, uh, like, ''Or do you wanna-- It's not like that big. Do you wanna wait for something bigger?'' And I was like, ''Eh, yeah, I'll wait for something bigger.'' So he offered me something, but then I don't know what it was, but, uh-- And then you came back and you're like, ''We have something for you.'' Uh, and you- and you guys had come up with it completely. You know, we're gonna call you Rickety Cricket-

Charlie: Yeah.

David: -uh, braces, you-you know.

Charlie: I wonder what the first thing was that, that--

David: I don't know, yeah.

Glenn: The first thing that what?

David: It was probably just some straight man guest-guest type of thing that was like, ''Do you wanna be the guy at the bank?'' kind of idea but-

Charlie: Yeah, totally.

Glenn: Oh, the first day-

David: But so then the second season-- Um, so at the same time I had sold, um, a show and you guy-- And -and it's like at the same time with both--

Glenn: The Other Mall.

David: Yeah, we had both worked on stuff separately. Like I had helped out with your thing, but, uh, I had sold my own thing. And then you guys were like, ''Guess what? We sold, you know, Sunny to FX.'' And I was like, ''Oh, that's awesome. Uh, guess what? I just sold this pilot to Fox.'' And you guys were like, ''Oh, Fox. That's way better.'' That's like, that's real. That's real TV.

Charlie: Yeah, that's the major leagues.

David: Yeah. Um--

Glenn: Cut that.


Rob: Well, it turn-it turned.

David: Yeah. No, it worked out, it worked out. We're not on The Other Mall Podcast. You know what I mean?

Glenn: [imitates Mickey Mouse laughing] Guess what? I own it all, fuckers.


Charlie: Um, g-going back to the, uh, the Luis Guzmán, uh, multi-cam that I did. You also did one called The Mullets that you were--

David: Yes, my name- our la-- We wore mullets-

Glenn: UPN? Was that on--

David: -and we had Mullets and our last name was Mullet.

Charlie: Was that after the Luis Guzman show?

David: Sure, sure. I'm just--

Charlie: You wore mullets and your last name was Mullet?

David: Yeah.

Charlie: Was it before the mullets on the after-

David: The mullet was before.

Rob: The brother's Mullet.

Charlie: -the Guzman Show.

David: See, that's why when I said that, I was thinking, "Well, maybe I'd already done it." Uh.

Glenn: It was before.

Rob: It was about all around the same time.

David: The s-- Well, obviously the second, um, like episode we filmed for the like pilot stuff before it was a show for Sunny it was a show, I was like- the joke was I was the famous friend because I had been on The Mullets.

Charlie: Cause you been in The Mullets.

Glenn: No, no, it's because you've been in Six Feet Under.

David: Oh, really?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. We were stoked, we were stoked to get you 'cause you did three episodes to Six Feet Under.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Didn't you do three? Am I making up? Something like that.

David: I-I did. I can't even remember how many. A couple.

Charlie: It was an ark. Yeah, it was an ark.

Glenn: You had an ark.

David: Yeah, it was an ark. It was an ark.

Glenn: You had a little ark.

David: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: Yeah.

Glenn: Actually, can we just talk about those early days a little bit? Like, uh, you know, the fact that, uh, when we, the very first version of the home movie.

David: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Rob didn't want to be in it, he wanted to just write and direct, and, uh, so you played, uh, the character Rob.

David: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: like, uh, what-- Like, do you remember, are there- is there anything you remember from those early days that--?

David: I-I remember-- Yeah. Well, I remember he didn't wanna be in it and asked me to do it, uh, but I- and I remember filming it and being- feeling like I didn't quite get exactly sometimes what you guys were going for.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: You know, like it was very much your sense of humor and obviously, you should have been playing the part like, but I do remember we went to a nail salon and we told--

You guys set it up. We're like, "All right, we're gonna this nail salon. And we told them we're like filming it for your birthday or something." Or a bachelor party.

Glenn: We said--

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: We said it's-it's-it's our buddy's birthday which we're-we're-we're-we're-we're-we're just doing a whole day where we're treating him to all these different things and we're filming it all and, you know, we want to have him get his-his nails done, his, uh, toenails- his-- We want to get him a mani-pedi for is birthday and we're gonna film it, and they were like, "Fine." You know and uh--

David: Yeah. You're just trying to-- We're just trying to-- We needed a location, that was always the-- You know, you had to hustle and either you either paying someone and be like, "Hey, can we film here?" And like, "We'll pay you some money." Or you lie to them and they're like--

Charlie: Or do-- Yeah, do that kind of shit [chuckles] then like people coming in with a boom and stuff.


Glenn: Well, that's the thing, that's the thing. So--

David: -boom and it's like four other people watching.

Glenn: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: This town is very hip to it, you know?

Glenn: Well, and you know, there's those people giving you mani-pedi and you know, we're doing the same shot over and over and you're saying the same line.

David: I'm answering the phone.

Glenn: You're answering the phone over and over.

David: And I say, "Go for Jesus," but I feel so uncomfortable in-in the situation. It's almost like you never-- Sometimes just didn't quite get it. You're like, because I just, "Hey, go for Jesus." Like, you know, I'm like looking at the camera. No. Um, and, but I do remember the scene in the, um, coffee shop where you're c- you are-- Uh, no. You have cancer and Rob is copying you to study you.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

David: And not quite getting the right like comedic quality of it.

Charlie: Hmm.

David: And then the second time you guys were gonna shoot it, um, because you persevered. You know, you got some no’s in-in regards to like, it didn't look good. You guys shot it again, you wanted to do it again. Rob called me up and, uh, I couldn't do it at the time, and I was like, "why don't you play it anyway?" Like, uh, and so I remember when-when I saw that same scene, you guys reshot it, I was like, "Oh, that's right. I get it now."

Glenn: Oh, I get it now.

David: You know.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

David: So I-I kind of remember it being like, I also remember wearing a sock on my penis.

Meg: [laughs]

David: Um, yeah, there was that.

Charlie: Sure, sure.

Glenn: What?

Rob: There was nudity.

David: There was nudity in the--

Charlie: There was some nudity.

Rob: There was- there was--

David: I-I confront you in the kitchen.

Glenn: When you come out of the bathroom-

David: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -and I'm trying to get you to examine my foot.

David: Yeah.

Glenn: Or, or was that only- do we--

Rob: Yes, that's right.

David: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Yeah, 'cause I've got like- I'm-I'm worried there was some kind of-

Rob: It was close set.

David: It was closed.

Rob: It was just the three of us.

Charlie: We wound up redoing it but you stayed in your underwear or no-

David: Yes.

Charlie: -we just cut that scene?

Glenn: Yeah, we put you in-

David: Different [crosstalk]

Glenn: -we put you in tighty, tighty, whitey kind of-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -situation and, and, uh, yeah.

David: Yeah, you all-- A career always starts with a sock over the penis.

Glenn: Oh, that was-- Oh, that was where--

David: It really starts when the sock comes off.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: No, but that was where "Did you get your shot?" came from.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: That's right.

Rob: Did you get your shot?

David: Did you get your shot?

Rob: Mr. Producer, did you get your shot?

David: Mr. Producer, did you get it?

Charlie: Did you get that shot?

David: Was that everything you need?

Rob: I hope you're happy.

Charlie: That's our running about, uh, you know being exploited.

Rob: David came out like-- It was just the three of us in a- in an apartment. And I was like, "David, I-- I mean, it says in the script that you're naked, so I guess you got to get naked." Again, I- maybe this is-- It's-- We're-- It's a bunch of dudes and we're friends. It was not a- an abusive situation.

Glenn: No.

Rob: But--

David: No.

Rob: But then-

Meg: That came later in the show.

Rob: -he was like, "Well, how am I gonna show my ass? Like when I turn around, you're gonna see my dick." And I was like, "I'll shoot above it." And he's like, "I don't trust you." And I was like, "I wouldn't either."


Rob: So--

Glenn: I wouldn't either.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: I wouldn't either, that's smart. And he- so he puts a sock on and then we shot it and I stayed above it 'cause who wants to see a sock? And then afterwards he put on a robe. [chuckles]

David: Yeah.

Rob: And we were like, "All right, you good?" And he just turned to us and goes, "Did you get your shot, Mr. Producer?"


Rob: "I hope you're happy."


Glenn: Did you get your shot?

Charlie: May I have my free soup now?


David: I remember at Six Feet Under, they gave me a robe because I was supposed to be making out with, uh, Michael C. Hall in this- in the bed and they- someone like came in before- like after rehearsal and they were like, "Here's your robe." And I'm like, "Thanks. Am I-- Do I get naked? What is this? I don't know what's happening."

Glenn: Oh.

David: You know, like no one broke it down for me.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: Um.

Glenn: Come one.

David: And so I like-- I'm like, "All right." We're in the house in the valley and I'm like- I go into the- this bathroom and I change into the robe and I'm like, "Do I do underwear? Do I-- What- what's- what is this?" And I get into the robe and I come out and uh, there's no one there yet like it's still-- And I'm like in a- like a very like fine thin robe, just feeling like in the real life--

Glenn: Thin. Oh, a thin one.

David: Very, very thin robe.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

David: And there's no one to joke about, "Did you get your shot?" Just more like a cold, harsh, like reality of like-

Glenn: Yeah.

David: -"What am I doing?" And, uh, I was like, "You know what? I'm gonna go back in. I'm gonna wait till someone says, 'Get the robe on,' and uh, change back." And I never had to wear the robe, just- just took off the shirt but, uh, it's those- those moments, you know?

Glenn: Yeah.

David: Yeah, that was before-- What do you call it?

Rob: Intimacy coordinators.

David: Intimacy coordinators, yeah.

Rob: Which is- which is great because it-it is amazing how often it-it like- any kind of sex scene was treated, or nudity was treated like-like you would when you're a 14-year-old boy. Everybody's like afraid to talk about it, everybody's like giggling. Even if it's a-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -closed set, there's no conversation happening. And like if-if David- even somebody like David is intimidated about what he's supposed to do, imagine like a younger person who's-

Glenn: Totally.

Rob: -on set and is like I'm just--

Glenn: Well, he was a younger person. I mean you were-- That was what? I mean, what year was it?

David: Yeah, 20-something.

Charlie: You're in your 20s, right?

Glenn: You were probably in your early-mid-20s, right?

David: Yeah. "Here you go, doll." Doll?


Charlie: Put it on gorgeous.

Rob: [laughs]

Glenn: Put this on gorgeous.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Meg: Do you guys remember we had an intimacy coordinator on Mr. Quest 'cause we did an episode with some sex dreams?

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Meg: And they asked- because there's one with your two characters, uh, having a sex dream and they asked if you guys wanted an intimacy coordinator and you were like, "No, we're-

Rob: No, we're good.

Meg: -we're good." [laughs]

Rob: Well, that would just make it weird.

Charlie: Uh, yeah, yeah. Have we all done- all done the uh, the cock sock on-on Sunny?

Glenn: I've definitely done it.

Rob: I did it on Mr. Quest.

Glenn: I've definitely done it.

Charlie: I've done it too for the ski episode.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: Yeah, we've all--

Glenn: For which one?

Charlie: The one, the ski- the ski slope.

Glenn: Oh, right. That's right, yeah.

David: What did you do? What were you doing?

Charlie: Like, it's like the '80s-

Glenn: Well, he--

Charlie: -movie sex scene thing. And so it's just a bunch of-

Meg: In the hot tub with the stuff.

Glenn: And he gets on with the, uh, the Russian prostitute.

Charlie: -with the saxophone.

David: Does Danny do a sock for when he does--?

Charlie: Danny definitely has had the sock on.

Rob: Yeah, yeah, he does.

Meg: When he comes out of the couch, did he have a sock on?


Charlie: Uh, Lethal Weap- and also Lethal Weapon.

Rob: Yeah, he did--

Meg: Oh, in quarantine when he's like-- Oh no, he had underwear on in that when he [crosstalk].

Charlie: We used to get Danny naked a lot.


Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

David: He's real funny.

Charlie: Hey, I got an idea. Should we look at- at your very last clip of-of David just to see the--

Glenn: Oh, just the full thing and then go back?

Charlie: The full-- Yeah, just to see what--

Glenn: That's a good idea.

Charlie: How different it is?

Glenn: That- that is- that's a good idea actually. Yeah, I like that.

Charlie: Five, four, three, two, one, whoa.

Glenn: Oh, right.


David: That's good.

Charlie: I mean to go from the--

David: It's like there's no real hair or face left, it's just, everything's phony.

Charlie: To go from the priest to this to the guy with a milky eye. [chuckles]

Cricket: Where did we land on the cassava?

Glenn: I- I think you can eat it, man. I think we're done with it.

Charlie: Yeah, we're done.

Dennis: Yeah.

Cricket: [laughs] Ha, ha ho. Yeah, baby.

Frank: Yeah, I wouldn't eat it, Cricks. It's full of loads.


Charlie: Oh, man.

Glenn: Yeah, we knew it. We knew it.

David: I was not in the same scene with Danny-

Glenn: We knew he was, we--

David: -by the way there. That was shot separately.

Glenn: Oh yeah.

Charlie: Yes. How come?

David: They did a good job in marrying that.

Glenn: I think he was-- I think you were actually--

David: I was unavailable.

Glenn: You were unavailable.

David: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: You had a scheduling conflict.

David: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, you big-timed us.

David: Yeah, it felt good.

Glenn: You big-timed Danny DeVito.

David: It felt good.

Glenn: It feels good to big-time a guy like Danny DeVito, doesn't it?

David: Yeah. Yeah, I may be playing the lowest of low but every now and then I get one in.

Glenn: Sure, that's right.

David: You know, I get a shot in.

Frank: Allow me to introduce Paddy's top gay!


David: Look at his face.

Rob: Amazing.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Frank: Everybody in the neighborhood knows, everybody loves. The gay that will rope in all the gays.


Frank: Cricket.

Dee: What?

Frank: Hey.


Glenn: Oh my God, you're going for it.

David: I had to- I had to vamp because there was so much space.


David: I found myself like in the moment, like, "Oh, I--"

Glenn: Too much shoe leather.

David: "I can't just jump out and do a reveal. Like he's-he's a good 15 feet ahead of me so I really gotta--"

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Dee: What the hell, Frank? Where's Mac?

Frank: Mac's out.

Dee: Why?

Frank: Well, I think he's gone back in the closet.

Dee: Goddammit, you had one job; get the gay man to dance on the gay float. It's not that hard.

Charlie: We've got a problem, we got a problem. Dennis doesn't want to drive. Now he's saying he's claustrophobic and-- What is Cricket doing here?

Dee: Because Frank blew it.

Charlie: Oh, come on man. You had one job to do.

Dee: That's what I said.

Frank: Cricket's gonna do the dance. Dance Cricket, go.

Charlie: No. No, no, no. He lo-- Oh, God, no. Come on man, he looks like a monster.

David: This one I fasted for for a little bit, or I-I did the, uh--

Glenn: Were you trying to lose a little weight?

David: 'Cause I'm like, I gotta be in my leathers you know? Gotta--

Glenn: Yeah, you gotta get- I gotta-

David: When you're gonna be on--

Glenn: You gotta look good in your leathers.

David: Well, you gotta look good in your leathers.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: Yeah.

Glenn: Oh, my God, and thank God you had that outfit at home-

David: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -because like, we would've been screwed like we didn't-

David: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Glenn: -we didn't have it and so David was like, "I got it, I-

Charlie: You still had it from your Six Feed Under days.

Glenn: I have something that might work and then--"

David: [laughs] It was in the trunk of my Honda.


Charlie: I just stopped by Rough Trade.


Cricket: Lady, I'm not going anywhere until I see an Abraham Lincoln.

Dee: Here you go.

Cricket: What is this? What is this?

Dee: Like 73 cents.

Cricket: No, I-I said Abraham Lincoln.

Dee: There's a bunch of Lincolns in there.

Cricket: Oh, those are pennies.

Dee: Okay, you wanna give it back to me?

Cricket: Well, no, hold on.

Meg: I love that you-you fasted for this even though then you put lesions on your body. [chuckles] Like-- you're like, "I want to look good," but then they put like some open sores.

Charlie: Well, those are all tapeworm scars, right?

David: Sure, yeah.

Rob: Ringworms.

Charlie: Yeah, ringworms.

Glenn: Oh, ringworm scars.

David: But I wanna be true to the character, you know, I-I wouldn't- I wouldn't be you know, uh,-

Meg: You wouldn't have extra.

David: I wouldn't have that extra.

Frank: Oh, Cricket's gonna do the dance. Dance Cricket, come on, dance.

Charlie: No. No, no, no. He lo-- Oh, God, no. He looks like a-- [laughs]

David: Wh-why don't we play one from this season?

Meg: From what?

David: This last, very last season.

Meg: Oh, I don't think we have that.

Glenn: I don't think you were in the last season.

Meg: Yeah, sorry. Yeah, you weren't in the last season.

David: That's right. You know what? That's right. I wasn't in it.

Rob: Oh.

Glenn: That was his point.

Meg: Oh, you were just trying to bring that up.

Glenn: That was his point.

David: You know what I'm talking about? This is an intervention.

Meg: Yeah.

David: This is an intervention.

Charlie: And it was a really good season this year I sort of feel like.

Meg: Yeah, it was great.

Charlie: You know, it was like--

David: It was one of our best in years.

Charlie: We kind off put it back on the rails in a way and-

David: Right, right, right.

Charlie: -I'm starting to see, uh,--

David: Maybe budget-wise 'cause you didn't have to do the makeup, but otherwise--

Charlie: So much ringworm makeup.

Meg: [chuckles] I'm gonna do this one.

Glenn: There we go. Yeah, PTSD.

Rob: It was probably a low point for Cricks.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah. This was a tough one.

David: Do with the burned face if you remember we-we burned the face.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

David: And then-

Rob: Too much.

David: -we talked about the face being a little too grotesque.

Glenn: I want- I wanted it to be full like half a face of Freddy Krueger.

Charlie: Hamburger face.

Glenn: Like Freddy Krueger, half face, and-and I was like, I-- and I didn't see a problem with it. You guys were like, "It's really disturbing to look at," and I'm like, "Yeah, it's fucking amazing." Either-- Yeah, we-- That was one of those things we could not agree on. But you guys were on the same page. I wanted it to be as grotesque as possible.

Charlie: I can't remember-- I don't remember that.

David: Yes, we soften that a bit with-with, uh, the notion that well it probably healed over a little bit over time.

Glenn: Yeah, sure.

Charlie: Yeah, sure, it would heal some.

Cricket: Are we ready to party tonight?


Cricket: So am I.


Cricket: We're going to see some skin tonight. Yeah, scars and all.

Glenn: His scar from a stolen organ.

Cricket: I got a good story behind that. This is a-- They took out the kidney actually, that was the first time that I really thought, "Hey, I might actually, uh,-- I might die and-


Cricket: -and no one's gonna remember."


Cricket: All right, anyway--

Glenn: All right, hey.

David: Back to the show.


David: It's called dark blue marble we colored. All right, anyway--

Glenn: Anyways.

Meg: It seems like the type of thing that they just wouldn't even script for you. They'd just be like, "Yeah, just like start telling sad stories."

Charlie: I don't think we did, you know?

Glenn: That's so funny.

David: No, I don't--

Charlie: I don't think we did.

David: I think we just made it up.

Charlie: I think it was you come in, announce it.

David: I remember Rob being like, you know, and--

Glenn: Oh, this.

David: "And he'll be-- He'll turn, right now he'll just show his what I- is what he p- what passes for him for an ass, uh, and--" Just like insulting my body in front of everyone. It's fine, it's all part of the show.


Cricket: You gotta fake it like trust- don't- trust me, no one will even know. I mean on the streets, you gotta fake. You know what I mean? If you're orgasming, you fake it. You know, the guys that don't fake--


Charlie: What do you mean you'll fake it? You don't- you don't know you're laughing?

Cricket: No, no. Don't worry about it, I could sell anything. You know? You know how many times I fake on the streets? The orgasms, the ohs, you know. You have to fake. The guys that don't fake they're the ones that get it the worst. Those are the guys that don't survive, so I fake.

Mac: You fake?

Charlie: Are-are you telling me--

Mac: Are you telling me--


Mac: You fake an orgasm in the street?

Cricket: Yeah.

Charlie: Like when people rape you, you fake an orgasm-

Cricket: You've got to.

Charlie: -so that the rape lasts a shorter amount of time.

Cricket: Well, sometimes you don't fake it.


Cricket: Well, sometimes-- Well, sometimes you don't fake it because it's so good.


Cricket: Well, sometimes you don't fake it-

Charlie: Okay.

Cricket: -and it just ends, naturally.

Charlie: Okay.


[cut sound]

Charlie: Cricket, is there like anything we can do to have you not talk about like sucking penises or getting raped in the butt?

Cricket: It just keeps popping up.


Charlie: Oh, Jesus.

David: I honestly don't know which part was scripted where we started breaking off from it but, uh,--

Charlie: Yeah, it's hard to remember.

Glenn: Pretty-pretty early on I don't think any of this stuff about faking it was in the script.

David: Yeah, I think the faking thing and then ever we all saw the opportunity there.

Glenn: Yeah, it just kind of kept going. Yeah, build.

David: -kept going.

Charlie: Uh, a whisper conversation is always, uh, funnier, uh than a full-volume conversation.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

David: Yeah, that was--

Meg: That's a- that's a good one.

David: -that was a funny day on set because that- we found that riff and we just could not keep a straight face.

Charlie: Yeah.

David: That scene and then maybe the lemon scene we were breaking up bad.

Charlie: Yeah, the lemon scene.

Glenn: Oh, for sure, yeah.

David: The podcast scene.

Glenn: Oh, we could not-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. The lemon scene.

Glenn: -keep it together with you doing that the sucking on the lemon and being like-

Meg: Yeah, maybe we should just be watching the bloopers from David because he made you guys laugh so much. Here we go this is the actual scene.

Charlie: Yeah, what’d we wind up with.

David: I love to scene. I-I love this scene for you guys, really. The, "Three wars?"

Rob: Two wars.

David: Two-two wars.

Glenn: Two wars.

Charlie: There's gotta be something surreal about doing a podcast while watching this scene.

David: What was the premise of the podcast that you guys could just be as interesting as on the radio? And that-that they're not--

Glenn: I think- I think at the time we-- I think we were like probably thinking that podcasts were kind of stupid. You know, it's basically like the average person thinking that they can do what people do on the radio and be just as entertaining and being like-- And you don't even have to resort to all that dumb shit, all the stupid sound effects, and all that kind of shit. Like we just need to have an interesting conversation, we'd be 10 times more interesting than those personalities on the radio, which is what we're doing now.

Meg: Mm-hmm.

Dennis: Okay, all right. We'll-- Um, listen, let's get into the issues here. We're gonna start rolling on this.

Cricket: Oh no, no, no, no, no. I am not saying another word until I get the chicken.

Danny: I lied about the chicken, Cricks.

Cricket: Are you kidding me?

Danny: There’s no chicken.

Cricket: Oh my God. Unbelievable. Why do I even trust you?

Danny: Wait a minute, you know, I do have something for you. Lemons.

Cricket: Lemons?

Danny: Yeah, you suck on them.

Cricket: Oh, come on.

Glenn: [Laughs]

Cricket: Can I at least get some crackers.

Danny: No, suck on the lemons.

David: He's got crackers, he won't even give them.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: So this is the first lemon scene that we have ever introduced lemons, right?

Glenn: Yes.

Dennis: Dennis and Dee Reynolds here. We are talking about the homeless issue here in Philly. That's a big issue here these days and we are here with our friend, Cricket. He is a homeless man. Cricket, walk us through a day in your life.

Cricket: Oh, day in the life. Well, uh, the other morning I wake up, I find a dog sniffing at my wound. He's fully aroused mind you.

David: Your reactions, the reactions of everyone--

Cricket: He's looking at me right in the eyes. He does not have to say it. Not that he could.


Cricket: Oh, that is- that is tart.


Cricket: I mean, does my scar look like a dog's vagina?

Danny: Let me see it, turn it over this way.

Cricket: Yeah, I mean maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. I don't know. I'm not gonna sit here and try to get inside the head of a dog. You know that is not my job. That is God's, who doesn't exist by the way.

David: [laughs]

Cricket: Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. I don't know. I'm not gonna sit here and try to get inside the head of a dog. You just lay there and you let this dog do his business. This guy could be feral. You know what I mean? They have that on the street.

Dennis: [laughs] That's good stuff.

Meg: This is a great-- Uh, David. This is The Gang Cracks the Liberty Bell. Did you write this episode too?

David: Yes.

Glenn: I think you did write this one, yeah?

David: Yeah, I wrote it.

Meg: I think so, yeah.

David: Uh, I was trying to remember if I wrote it with like Marder and Rosell but no. Uh, yeah, I wrote it and um--

Meg: Did you write them spitting in your face into the script?

David: Yes. I think I remember coming up with that being like, "Ah, she could spit in my face." 'Cause it was Dee spitting in my face first I think.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: And I spit in your face too 'cause Dee does it.

David: And then it became a runner. Yeah, and I'm like--

Charlie: Yeah.

David: It's one of those weird things where you are like, "You know, it is best but like I--"

Charlie: Yeah.

David: She will be spitting in my face if I do this, if I type this, and they're gonna love it.

Charlie: Yeah, and you're going to have to do multiple takes.

David: They're gonna love that I've written-

Meg: There's no way they're not going to do it--

David: -something where like everyone spits in my face. That's gonna-- So it's definitely going in like, all right. But yeah, when you are on the day and it's just, take four, let's do it again.

Cricket: Oh. Okay. Oh, god.

Cricket: Whoa, hey. What the hell are you--

Cricket: Oh, come on.

Cricket: Oka, my face right now. Oh. Okay. Oh, okay. It's-- Yeah, okay.


Cricket: That one was in my eye.

Charlie: I'm really sorry, that was huge.

Cricket: Yeah, that's-


Cricket: You know what, we don't-


Glenn: That's fucking great.

Charlie: And then your head exploded.

David: Yeah.

Rob: And then we blew your- blew your head.

Charlie: Then exploded your head.

David: Yeah. Yes, we did.

Meg: Your head explodes in that one.

David: Yeah, I don't know. Have you guys all gotten casts on your heads?

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: Yes.

David: It's a very claustrophobic experience.

Charlie: Yeah, it's not great.

David: I'm wondering if I'll ever do it again but I'll just be like, "No, I'm not doing it."

Rob: They don't really do that anymore, it's a laser scan now.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: Oh.

Charlie: Wow.

Glenn: I liked it. I weirdly liked it. I had to get a cast for my head for The Strangers 'cause I got half my head blown off in the movie.

Charlie: That appeals your quicksand fantasies.

Meg: Oh, yeah. Do you wanna be smothered? Is that what we're feel- we're hearing? [laughs]

Glenn: Smother me.

Charlie: Smother, smother king.

Glenn: No, I don't. I like, um, it's like, uh, have you ever had like an MRI? Is it MRI where you have to go-

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: -in the thing and it beeps and bloops at you, and you are like in the thing and they are like, "Okay, just you're gonna be in there for a little while." And I have had it done twice and I love- I loved it-

Charlie: Mmm.

Glenn: -both times. I loved being like in a little small space. It's so weird to--

Meg: Yeah. I find it a little comforting.

Glenn: I find it comforting.

Meg: Yeah.

David: It gets hard, and it gets really hot, right? It heats up.

Glenn: Yeah, and they just put like straws--

David: And they put straws.

Glenn: What do they put, like straws in your nose?

David: You really-- Someone maybe holds your hands, you know or something like, "Hey, it's okay. Just--" You didn't have the hand-holding thing?

Glenn: No one was holding my hand.

Charlie: I don't remember that.

Meg: Was that your wife that provided that service or just a random nurse?

David: It was just like a--

Glenn: Just like a prop guy, a random prop guy was like,-

Rob: So this is a special effects house.

Glenn: -hey buddy."

David: Yeah.

Rob: Oh.

Glenn: "Don't worry, we're here. We're here."

Rob: Are you sure it was- are you sure it was his hand?

David: No, no. She was like, "Don't worry."

Glenn: It feel like-- His hand did feel like a cock.


Glenn: This is a weird-shaped hand.

David: I'm sorry, that's a weird hand.

Glenn: That is a hard hand.

David: An extremely hard hand.

Glenn: That is a hard thin hand.

Meg: Is this a pipe?


Charlie: He keeps spitting on his hand.

Glenn: He keeps--


David: Is this a real prop house? Oh, yeah, David never showed up here.


David: I went in the wrong door, it's changed my life.

Glenn: Someone just poured clay on your face and then had you jack him off.

David: Hey, I'm-- Hey, guys, my name's David I'm an actor. Um, SAG obviously, I'm here for the, uh-

Charlie: You see like a line of sex dolls and it's just your face.

David: -the live cast.

Meg: Yeah.

David: Oh, yeah, you guys are gonna pour stuff on my face and--

Meg: Yeah, you're gonna do something with my head, oh yeah.

Glenn: We sure are buddy.

David: Come on in.

Glenn: have a seat.

Dee: There you are, what are you doing?

Cricket: I’m working on my moves.

Dee: What moves?

Cricket: For my musical. I'm writing a musical, you guys. It's about life on the streets. Archangel has to live on the streets and fight crime.

Dee: Well, that's great. Where are our drugs?

Glenn: Archangel.

David: Yeah, the drugs.

Cricket: I sold the drugs.

Charlie: Good, give us the money now.

Cricket: I spent the money, spent the money on these sweet ass kettle drums. Look at these.

Dee: Those are trash cans,

Charlie: Trash cans, Cricket.

Cricket: Oh, these are trash cans, uh, then why do they sound like this?


Dee: You spent our drug money on two garbage cans?

Dee: No, no, no, no.

Glenn: As if cocaine's like a hallucinogen or something.


Cricket: There is some left, you guys are yelling like crazy and I can't compute. Oh, don't do all of it though because I've still gotta write the seventh act. It's kind of all up here.

Charlie: Cricket, come on back to the bar.

Dee: Let's go.

Cricket: Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere without these kettle drums.

Charlie: All right, bring your trash cans.

Dee: Oh, yeah, don't forget the trash cans.

Cricket: Yeah, I'm bringing the trash cans. Watch-watch the crack addicts though, they will cut you. That's a pop. That's a pop. That's a pop.

Glenn: Now, this. This is-- I mean this is some of your most iconic stuff.

David: Yeah, this is-- This is what gets commented on a lot.

Danny: Oh, no, I'm going out I'm going guns blazing.

Cricket: Rise up, gonna get higher and higher.


Meg: Was that written? Did you make that up?

David: That was Rob Rosell. No, Rob Rosell, like I always think was doing that bit in the room, uh--

Meg: Gonna get higher and higher.

David: Yeah, did they write this episode, Rosell and Marder?

Glenn: Uh, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, I think they were- they were a big part of the writer’s room.

Glenn: They were part of the writer’s room.

David: Yeah, so that was definitely fed to me, uh, by Rob Rosell and it's, uh, hilarious.

Meg: But you gotta make it sexy I think is one of the most like enduring--

Glenn: Gotta make it sexy, yeah.

Meg: Yeah. Nips and yeah.

Glenn: Your hips and nips.

Charlie: I feel like the specificity of-of a rotisserie chicken felt Rosell.

Glenn: Yes.

Charlie: You know what I mean?

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Uh-uh.

Charlie: Like lemons like or-or Marder you know, but like those two guys.

Rob: Rickety Cricket.

Cricket: Hey.

Charles: Looking good, bro.

Cricket: Thanks man, I'm almost done. You guys, you gotta make it sexy. Hips and nips, otherwise I'm not eating.

Glenn: There it is big pink nips.

Rob: Big pink nips.

Glenn: Let's talk about those nips for a second.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Have you ever tried- have you ever tried to figure out what size coin fits on your nip? Have you?

David: No, I haven't.

Glenn: No, have you not?

Rob: Have you?

Glenn: Mm-hmm, absolutely.

David: Yeah.

Rob: Is that a thing? I didn't--

Glenn: No, it's not a thing. I-I, uh, I, uh, that's-

Rob: You have smaller nips. So are you, uh, di-dime sized?

Glenn: Dime nips.

Charlie: Get them dime nips.

David: Yeah, I was surprised by that.

Glenn: No, I-I-I joke about them 'cause like Jill-

Charlie: Nickle nips--

Glenn: -Jill used to-- I dunno, Jill used to say like you've got dime nips, like she would always say that and so one day we took a dime and I was like, "Let's just see like if a dime is it," and it was exactly a dime.

Charlie: Eisenhower nips.

David: Daddy, are we leaving for--? Uh.

Glenn: Uh, daddy is- Daddy is measuring his nips with a coin, honey. I'll be right there. Just give it- just give us a sec.


Glenn: I'm gonna do one right now-

Charlie: Okay.

Glenn: -and this is a product that I genuinely, genuinely love. Athletic Greens.

Charlie: I've been taking my Athletic Greens AG1 green powder literally every day.

Glenn: Now, Charlie you say you feel so great and renewed after you take it, it's given you somewhat of an alter ego, yes?

Charlie: Uh-huh, yep, mmhmm. Yeah, the guy's called Greens Man. Right? He emerges now after I've had my morning scoop of AG1 with 12 ounces of water. He just kind of takes over.

Rob: Like the Hulk.

Charlie: The Hulk looked like he was- like he was doping, right? But Green Man is all about staying lean.

Glenn: Yeah, well, look I-I imagine it helps that AG1 has less than a gram of sugar. Yeah, no GMOs and no nasty chemicals or anything artificial actually.

Rob: This is very inspiring.

Charlie: So like we said, to make it easy Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of Immune Vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.

Rob: All you have to do is visit

Glenn: That's to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


Meg: Well, there are so many Cricket scenes that we could watch and we have watched a few but I also have some fan questions to ask you.

Rob: Hmm.

Meg: So if you’ll indulge.

Glenn: Oh, let's do that.

Charlie: I'm also curious about David's note cards. I don't wanna just blow right by that.

Meg: Oh, yeah. I also wanna hear what's on the note cards.

Glenn: Okay, yeah. Let's do fan--

Meg: What do you want me do to? Fan questions first?

David: Oh, is it a lull-- Yeah, no, no.

Glenn: Let's do a little bit of both.

Charlie: Well, what's on those-

Glenn: We haven't had a lull.

Charlie: -cards, man? I'm just curious like-

David: It was just-

Glenn: Let's do that first.

David: It was just topics-

Glenn: What have you got?

David: -of what I was gonna-- Um, if every day is a gift then open up your present and enjoy.

Glenn: Well, what's your question?

Rob: That's not a topic that's more of a--

David: Now, these were- these were like points I was gonna make, like a TedTalk.

Rob: Oh, okay. Great, great, great.

Glenn: Oh, okay.

Charlie: What else you got?

David: Yeah. I wasn't listening. What was it?

Rob: That was good.

David: Create the Netflix algorithm for life. What do you wanna see on your homepage?


Glenn: Yeah.

David: Good. That's good.

Glenn: I like that, man.

Charlie: This is good stuff.

Glenn: This is great.

David: Just 'cause people tune in to hear, you know-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: -like reflect and like--

Charlie: To learn.

Glenn: Wisdoms.

Charlie: To learn.

Glenn: Yeah, wisdom.

Rob: Yeah, this is a learning podcast.

David: Stop parenting your kids and start kidding your parents.


David: I just feel like sometimes they just rearrange things.

Meg: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Whatever the backwards is.

Meg: Yeah.

David: That's about-- I mean there's more, but you want--

Rob: Yeah, yeah, I'm enjoying them.

Glenn: I like these.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, I could go for another one.

Glenn: I like these a lot.

David: A bear market in your love life is a bull market in self-reflection.

Glenn: I can't- I can't sort that one out.

David: It's time to look at yourself.

Rob: Yeah. Got it.

Glenn: I don't get it.

Charlie: I don't know enough about the market.

Glenn: Yeah, I don't know enough about bears.

Meg: So were these to create a lull or to fill one?


David: What are some fan questions?

Rob: What are some fan questions?

Meg: Fan questions?

Glenn: Yeah, fan questions. Let's go.

Charlie: Fan questions.

Meg: Uh, okay--

David: Did you get a lot of-of similar ones and this- you're asking the most?

Glenn: Well, there's not a lot of fun.

Meg: Yeah, I'm asking-- So yeah, we got a lot.

David: From the three of them. [laughs]

Meg: Yeah. And I've averaged them out into some of these questions then I picked my favorites.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Meg: What's been your favorite or most bizarre fan interaction working on Sunny?

David: Probably the time someone showed me their tattoo of me on their ankle.

Meg: Wow.

Charlie: Whoa.

David: Was just-- I'm sure you guys have had some interaction where someone maybe through the internet like posted a tattoo of some Sunny things but--

Charlie: On the internet.

Glenn: On the internet, yeah.

Charlie: But I don't think I've ran into someone in person with--

Rob: I have.

Glenn: I-I've seen some, I feel like I've seen them live before but I'm--

Charlie: Maybe I have.

David: At the premiere when we had fans come and it wasn't just like industry people.

Glenn: Yeah.

David: Remember that year?

Rob: Yeah.

David: Which was great. Uh, there-there was a bunch of people in the bar, afterwards in the party, and uh, this dude showed me his tattoo.

Glenn: What phase of Cricket was it?

David: It was, uh, fourth season, third season. When, um, I've got the-the-the tin foil and I'm going like that, you know?

Glenn: Oh.

Charlie: Oh, yeah, yeah.

David: Maybe like when Dee-Dee's pregnant kind of area.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: I thought that was quarantined. Oh, no. That's the- that's the PCP joint thing.

Meg: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

David: Yeah. I did not think anyone would ever get a tattoo of me on their-

Meg: Wow.

David: -on their ankle. I mean, he had a lot of tattoos to be fair. It wasn't like the only one, but--

Rob: Yeah.

David: Um, yeah, that's the weirdest.

Meg: That's a pretty good one.

Glenn: Cool.

Meg: Here's another question. Um, what was Cricket doing during quarantine? Which- do you remember, we had an idea for this in the room.

David: I had- I have- Yeah, I-I think I-I thrived during quarantine.

Meg: Yes.

David: And-

Glenn: Mm.

David: -I had a-a, what is it? A rickshaw company-

Meg: It was--

David: -to deliver things and I was running my own rickshaw.

Meg: What I remember was that we were realizing that because everything was remote work-

David: Uh-huh.

Meg: -that you just put up like a background behind yourself and you were able to like have a real job because nobody knew that you didn't have a home.

Glenn: Amazing.

Meg: And so we were gonna play the thing that Cricket actually got quite successful during quarantine because having a home wasn't like necessary.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Meg: You just needed a backdrop.


David: I would think I'd be thriving because everyone's getting everything delivered and I've caught everything so it doesn't matter to me.

Charlie: Yeah, I feel like you'd be--

David: So I'm just rickshawing whatever, and I'm just like-

Meg: Yeah.

David: -I'm more flushed than ever.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: Business as usual.

David: Yeah.

Meg: COVID's gonna be worried about catching you.

David: I'm not aware of it. [laughs]

Charlie: Yeah.

David: What's going on?


Charlie: Yeah, exactly.

Meg: Is there still hope for Cricket and Dee, which maybe is a question for everybody here?

Glenn: Well, that's just a-

Rob: There's always a chance. If that whiteboard is empty long enough, we'll fill it with something.


David: Yeah. I mean, I guess the question is can-can you have such a journey where then you somehow come back around to the very beginning in some way and Cricket and Dee get together and have a child? And I don't know. Uh, uh I--

Charlie: End it like in a Shakespearean way where all the- all the people wind up back with each other and--

David: Right, if we're at the lowest point of the movie in a sense of the story, are we gonna have a--

Charlie: We're at a- yeah, mi-midway.

Glenn: Well, maybe she gets--

Rob: Oh, we haven't got to the lowest point yet.

Meg: Do you remember what was your hardest day of filming Sunny? What was like the most difficult thing to shoot?

David: Uh, I do remember that when we did the Birds of War, uh, I got stuck talking to Rob for like straight 45 minutes.

Meg: [laughs]

David: And that was tough.

Glenn: Brutal.

Charlie: For real?

Glenn: Brutal.

David: Yeah, that was tough. He didn't have anything to do or something and like--

Rob: You caught me in one of those periods where I-- Yeah.

David: Yeah, he was talking about his future, something. I was like--

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: That was when he was going through his cocaine phase too. So he was like [imitates yapping].

David: That was tough.

Charlie: I remember he was like digital coins, it's gonna be like-- Oh, all right.

David: Yeah. And he was like, "I don't have to paint these abs on, you know?" And I was like, "Okay, yeah."

Meg: [laughs]

David: And he's like, "Just cause it's part of the character."

Glenn: And then you started to walk away but he's like, "Hold on, hold on."

David: Yeah. [laughs] Yeah.

Glenn: "Wait a minute."

David: No, I would say that when I was- when we were shooting Birds of War, I do remember almost fainting weirdly, which I've never experienced in my life. I don't know why, but, um, I think we were just rehearsing or something and--

Glenn: Did somebody say something that offended you and you were like [gasps] and then you just--


Charlie: My word.

David: I didn't have my pearls, but I clutched.

Glenn: My word.

Meg: Your corset was too tight I think that day.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Oh, yeah. You squeezed your tor- corset too tight.

David: Uh-huh. Well, it happens, you know, every now and then.

Glenn: Sure.

David: I wanted to look good for the camera. Uh--

Charlie: The robes were too much, too hot in the robes?

David: But n-not that--

Glenn: Right.

David: There's not a better place to be if you're going to faint, than on a wrestling mat.

Charlie: Yeah. Sure.

David: That's when I was-- But I went to my knees, like, "I think I'm, like--" Uh, has anyone ever fainted for real?

Glenn: I have, yeah.

Rob: Yes.

David: And it- that sorta like closing-

Rob: Yeah.

David: -feeling where I'm like,-

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

David: -"What's going on?" Uh, but I s- I just-

Meg: Pushed through.

David: -managed to push through it. Yeah.

Charlie: Mm.

Meg: Professional.

David: And then I looked over and Rob's, like, "Yeah, it's like--"

Glenn: What happened? Somebody handed you a turkey sandwich and got your blood sugar back up and you were good to go or what?

David: Making fun of the fact I don't eat meat. So that's it, yeah.

Charlie: Sorry, tofurkey.

David: This joke brought to you by 1985.


David: Next question.

Meg: Is there anything you do to prepare yourself getting back into the character of Cricket? Do you have any, like, thing that you do to kinda capture the--

David: I do, like, three and a half hours of makeup in a chair. Um--

Meg: Yeah.

David: That's about it.

Meg: To get this.

David: Yeah.

Charlie: You've definitely put the most makeup on of anyone in this show, you know? It's a big transformation. It's a big thing.

Glenn: Yeah, It's a lot.

David: Yeah.

Glenn: You usually- you've committed- most seasons you've committed and grown, like, you grow it out.

Charlie: Yeah, at what point--

David: That's true. No, that is true.

Charlie: At what do you start growing out that beard?

David: Yeah, like, two months ahead I'll start growing it out.

Charlie: Two months ahead. Like, two months before the Writer's Room starts, or in the Writer's Room?

David: Well, the Writer's Room is just, like, two months.

Charlie: Yeah, right.

Rob: Did you grow it this year?

David: I-I did grow it this year.

Rob: Oh.

Glenn: Oh.

David: Yeah.

Charlie: I'm s--

David: Grew it out, expecting the storyline, kept pitching 'em.

Glenn: I'm sorry is the thing people say.

David: Rickshaw, he's in the rickshaw.

Charlie: yeah.

David: Uh, well, maybe Cricket could be in the- in the monkey episode.

Charlie: You were in the monkey episode for like a minute-

David: Yeah.

Charlie: -in like one draft.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. And then we realized we've already got a monkey, so.

Charlie: We already have a little monkey, so.

Meg: [laughs] What's--

David: No, I did want-- Yeah, I wanted to be the-the guy, that's like, "Oh, you're gonna give the monkey? That's- Come on, I can do it. Let me--"

Glenn: Yeah, right. Right, right.

David: And then, remember there was that video of, like, one monkey gets, like, a grape while the other gets, um,-

Meg: Oh, that's right.

David: -a veggie or something like that and the other monkeys are really pissed? And so I-I wanted to be the, like, "Oh, you"re gonna give him a grape? And you're gonna give me a lemon? That's bullshit. You gotta give us both the same thing."

Charlie: Yeah. That would've been good.

Glenn: Competing with a monkey.

Charlie: Yeah. That would've been good.

David: Yeah. But, um, yeah. No, I grow- I do grow out my facial hair. And then, um-- Man, what was I gonna say about that? I grow out my facial hair, and that-that takes-- and I-I learned that when I did Joe Schmo, that they asked me because I was on Six Feet Under, "Hey, this guy that we're-- It was like a, you know, a re-reality show, fake reality show, we had a mark. And like, he said he was a fan of Six Feet Under so we're afraid he might not recognize you possibly. Can you grow your facial hair?" And I've never grown it out. I'd never grown it out." And, um, I was like, "I don't think I can." Or in college, I tried to. But I-I tried growing out for that. And to my surprise, like, this full, like, nothing here but this full beard grew, goatee grew. So--

Glenn: So, you grow- you don't grow here?

David: I can't grow anything here but-- So--

Glenn: Nothing?

David: Yeah. I grow it out for that and that's why it's always a goatee 'cause I got nothin' else but uh-- Yeah.

Charlie: But it comes in so thick and hearty there, yeah?

David: Yeah.

Glenn: It sure does.

David: Yes. So that's about-

Meg: That's pretty good.

David: -that's about all the preparation.

Meg: Well, I just wanna thank you so much for being on the podcast today. And so I've brought you something as a little thank you here, which is this nice package.

Charlie: Ohh. We got you a bag of lemons.

Glenn: Oh, let's go.

David: Come on.

Glenn: Come on. Let's do a lemon bit.

David: Guys.

Rob: Let's do a lemon bit.

Glenn: Let's do a lemon bit real quick.

Rob: Come on, David.

Glenn: Let's do a lemon bit real quick.

David: But is there like a pay- an actual paycheck or--?

Charlie: No.

Glenn: Um, no. I don't think so, Crick, David.

Charlie: Not really how podcasts work. Yeah.

Rob: We don't really make money.

David: So, we don't make any money- you guys don't make any money on this?

Rob: No, no.

Charlie: Not for you. Like not enough to share.

Glenn: Yeah. Like, we don't make money like you don't make money. Yeah.

Rob: Don't you understand the-the economics of podcasts? You know, you come on, you get to--

Glenn: You provide entertainment.

Charlie: Promote yourself.

Rob: No. You get to promote yourself and whatever projects.

Charlie: Yes.

David: I'm on your projects.

Rob: [crosstalk] Mr. Quest. Let's talk about Mr. Quest.

David: I'm on your projects.

Charlie: Well, yarn, yarn, Cricks.

David: I'm- I'll just be promoting you.

Glenn: Yarn, yarn.

Charlie: Yarn, yarn.

Glenn: You know what I mean? You- sometimes you--

Charlie: I mean, Season 15 you weren't, and then that's kind of--

David: Oh, this is like leverage. You were, like, you're saying, "Hey, we can do this without you."

Charlie: Yeah. I'm just saying, Cricket.

David: You know, okay. I see.

Glenn: Just suck on this lemon right and you might have a job next year, Cricket.

David: Well, let me- let me see.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: Yeah. W-what's your actual reaction to sucking on that thing?

David: [squeaks] Like that.


Charlie: Oh still funny.

Glenn: Still funny.

Charlie: Still funny.

Rob: Still funny.

Glenn: Still funny.

Rob: Still funny.

David: Yup. Yup, yup. Yup.

Rob: David Hornsby, everybody.

Charlie: David Hornsby, still funny.

David: Thank you. Thanks, guys. Thanks so much.

Glenn: Still funny.

Rob: Still funny.

Charlie: Still finny.

Meg: Yeah, spinning around. There he goes. Bye.

Rob: Bye.

Meg: Now, he's gone.

Glenn: He turned back.

Rob: He's turned back. He's gone now.

[End Credits]


No more products available for purchase