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Episode #43

Mac's Banging The Waitress

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43. Mac's Banging the Waitress

On the pod, the guys revisit Mac's Banging the Waitress from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4, Episode 4.

Rob McElhenney: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the podcast, uh, now, we did decide on 8:45. Now, I will say--

Glenn Howerton: There was a little bit of a--

Rob: There was a time change, but--

Glenn: What do you mean?

Rob: There was a time change.

Glenn: Oh, yes.

Rob: We asked to come a little earlier last minute, but not really last minute. It was- it was yesterday, late afternoon, and you specifically said, "Charles, are you confirmed for this?"

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And Charles said yes.

Glenn: Okay. Interesting. I didn't see his-- I-- I'll admit it, I did not actually look at his response. I assumed that when Meg said we're on for 8:45, that she had had confirmation from him, but I just wanted to be doubly sure.

Rob: You said, "Did we get confirmation from Charles?" And Charles said, "Yep, I'm good."

Glenn: Well, I will say, I was a little confused the other day 'cause I popped in and--

Rob: Late, yeah

Glenn: A little bit late. I was-- [laughs] well, so, call time was 9:00 AM, and I thought like, "Oh, everybody shows up at 9:00."

Rob: We don't usually use the terms call time. It's more just like, "Hey, let's do the podcast at 9:00."

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my bad. I-I think 'cause-'cause, you know, Mara runs-

Rob: Well, well, well.

Glenn: There he is. What's up, mister cool guy?

Rob: Always coming in Hollywood.

Glenn: Cool guy. What's up, Hollywood?

Charlie Day: I'm going to keep my shades on and look maximum awesome.

Glenn: Well, you do look cool.

Charlie: Ooh kay.


Rob: Hollywood, Charlie Day.

Charlie: Hey, man, you know, you said 8:45 and I knew it was going to be a tight squeeze for me 'cause the-the-- our nanny was getting in the house at 8:30. I knew it was going to be tight to-to make it here in 15 minutes from my house, but--

Glenn: 15?

Charlie: 15, but I was like, "I could either do another five texts being like, "I might be five," or I could just be like, "Let's just see if it happens."" And if I'm five late, it'll be good fodder for the pod.

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: 'Cause there's a lot of text back and forth to try to--

Rob: Well, you-you-you texted- you texted, "Yep, I'm good."

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah.

Glenn: Well, it was yesterday. Yeah.

Rob: Yesterday at 4:30 PM, yeah.

Charlie: Yep, I'm good. And guess what?

Rob: You're good, baby.

Charlie: I am good, motherfucker.

Rob: You're great. Hey, you're one of the best.

Charlie: Hey, man, you're one of the best too, guys, that's why I love you. Let's get going.


Rob: I felt nothing but love for you guys watching this episode, I'll tell you what.

Glenn: I-I-I love this episode.

Rob: Loved.

Charlie: Same.

Glenn: So I forgot-- I almost forgot to watch it, and I-I had already, like, put my son to bed and he was actually sleeping in our bedroom because he's having some problems with, like, nightmares. And so I was like, "Oh, I can't- I can't leave 'cause he doesn't want us to," 'cause he wakes-- keeps waking up and he needs somebody there. So I was like-- so I just watched it on my phone in bed last night, and had to, like, seriously stifle a-a-a lot of, like, laughter so that I wouldn't-wouldn't wake him up. Uh, I-I just loved it.

Rob: I had the same fun.

Charlie: I had a lot of out loud laughter as well for this particular episode.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Now, anybody who's-who's watching along with us will-will notice that both Danny and Kaitlin are not in the episode.

Glenn: Right.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: And if do you guys remember the reasons why?

Charlie: No.

Glenn: Um, I think that--

Charlie: They couldn't be there, I think it was.

Glenn: Danny couldn't-- [chuckles]


Charlie: Pretty sure, yeah.

Rob: Well, yeah, short answer, they couldn't be there.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's what it was.

Glenn: Danny needed--

Rob: This was not something that we- that we engineered. We didn't- we didn't write the episode thinking, "Oh, it'd be great to do an episode without them."

Charlie: No.

Rob: It was that they came to us and said, um, um, much like you had disrespect for our time today, uh, they had disrespect for our shooting period, and they said, yes, you know those, like, m-month and a half period--

Charlie: Are you serious? [laughs]

Rob: No. No.

Glenn: Hold on.

Charlie: Are you- are you seriously going to-

Rob: Excuse me sir. [chuckles] [crosstalk] You know that month-- No, I mean, I'm going to roast, uh, Kaitlin and Danny for a second. You know that month and a half period where you guys just, you know, you-you ask us to show up and say the words that-that you write.

Glenn: That we've been writing for three months.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And that you'll edit into the show and-and then we get the rest of the year off. We just-- we can't make it that whole week.

Glenn: We're not going to be able to make it.

Rob: Just can't.

Charlie: But why, what was it? Da--

Glenn: Well, Danny needed two episodes off, actually, because he's not in the, uh, whatever the bar critic one that's coming up. He wasn't in that one. And I don't remember why, but I don't remember why, and I don't remember why Kaitlin needed an episode off.

Rob: I do believe it was injury related.

Charlie: That's what I thought with Kaitlin. It was--

Rob: It was an injury.

Charlie: It had something to do with when she broke her back.

Glenn: But how would we have known that in order to write it because we-- presumably it was written ahead of time.

Charlie: No, yeah. Right.

Rob: Oh, no, it was rewritten.

Glenn: Oh, we rewrote it.

Rob: Oh, yeah that was like one of the la-- that we--

Glenn: So she was in that?

Rob: We had to rewrite that episode. Maybe it was the time that she broke her foot.

Charlie: Well, when did she--

Rob: Yeah, she broke her foot this-this season.

Glenn: When did she break her back? Was that Season 3?

Rob: That was Season 3.

Glenn: Season 3 she broke her back. Season 4 she broke her foot. Okay.

Rob: Yeah, and so she really truly couldn't walk. Yeah, and-and we worked around it for some episodes and other episodes it was-- we just couldn't do it.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: But why?

Rob: No, they got paid. Just to be clear.

Glenn: Excuse me?

Rob: They got paid for those episodes.

Charlie: I'm sorry, what?

Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: I want to get paid for work I don't do.

Glenn: God bless.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: God bless.

Rob: I know. They got paid for the episodes.

Charlie: Uh, they have to, you know, pay or play contracts.

Rob: Pay or play, but we were like, "Hey, can-can you--"

Charlie: But they're the ones who said they can't play.

Rob: Yeah, they can't play.

Glenn: Right, they can't play.

Charlie: You tell me you can't play and you want pay?

Rob: And you want to get pay.


Glenn: Pay or play is when we don't want you to play, and we have to pay you because we chose.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, we said you can't play and you're like, "Well, I get paid to play," and you know, "Fine, you'll get your pay, but you won't get you play," but if you come to the game and say, "I can't play."

Rob: I won't play.

Charlie: "Fine, well, here's you pay anyway."

Glenn: You know, that's-that's-- we're idiots.

Rob: It's tough. I mean, like in, uh, professional sports, if you're injured, they don't- they don't take away your, uh, your salary. Right?

Charlie: Yeah, workman's comp there.

Glenn: Right, right.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Uh, but, but I-- Danny, I feel like he was prepping-

Rob: He was.

Charlie: -a movie.

Rob: Yeah, the movie that didn't go.

Charlie: And it didn't-- it didn't come together.

Rob: Morgan-- a Morgan Freeman.

Glenn: Something he was directing.

Charlie: Yeah, and he was gonna direct it and he needed Morgan Freeman and he had to, like, go to Mississippi to, like, visit with Morgan, who I think lives there, I could be making that up, but, um, he's from there. Uh, anyway, he had to go somewhere to, like, sit with Morgan or it was- it was like, uh--

Rob: I remember being in the trailer down by those stages in Culver City, and getting a phone call saying, "I-I-- can-can you work this out? I need to go and fly and see Morgan." And we did, because you know what? We're great partners.

Charlie: Well, I tell you what, I think the episode, and this is not a-- there's a high five happening here, fellow listeners-

Rob: Oh.

Glenn: God.

Charlie: -and it was a really bad--

Rob: That was so sad.

Charlie: That's not the high five of a best friend.

Rob: Oh, let me go with my right hand.

Glenn: Oh, goddamn it.

Charlie: Not good. Okay, they finally--

Rob: That was good. That was somewhat painful, which is nice.

Charlie: For the people who are still listening, they finally connected on the high five and--

Glenn: Yeah, ah, the first one was so limp.

Rob: And for the creeps, maybe we can do like a--

Glenn: That first one was so limp.

Rob: You know what it is, it's coming from the side here. You gotta go across your body.

Glenn: Yeah, you wanna go--

Charlie: It's hard to do a back sideways and have a full-

Rob: And this is my dominant hand-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: -but I still-- I couldn't get enough whip out of it.

Glenn: Speaking of high fives, can we just talk for a second about Kaitlin's high five.

Rob: That's what I was trying to emulate there. She's got a wicked one where she slaps you like a snake.

Glenn: So Kaitlin's- Kaitlin's-

Charlie: Oh, she puts a little pop in it, doesn't she?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: She, like, anytime-- like, I'll go to give her a high five-- Yeah, you hold your hand, you're getting ready to go for it, and she just whacks your hand. Like that's how-- and then-- and I would talk to her about it and be like, "That's not how you high five." She's like, "Yeah, it is. You-you-you slap the person's hand."

Rob: She puts an extra- she puts an extra pop in it like a cobra that's striking.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, she psh.

Charlie: The way she was pecking at that sandwich.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: So Kaitlin and Danny were not in this episode it was just the- it was just the three boys and-and the waitress. Um, really fun, really fun.

Charlie: Oh, man, so funny. Uh, you know, it's so-- it's interesting too, right? Like, so you have this contract, you have these five actors, and you're like, "Okay, we have to write for them in every single episode and let's figure out how to represent everybody," but I don't know, something pops up, then you can't use two of them, and you're like, "Okay, we have to figure out something else," and it's something we haven't done because it's just not the way the sort of contracts break down, but like, from a creative standpoint-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -yeah, it's great to just focus on these three-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: -and their relationship for this one episode. I'm surprised we haven't done-- we've done a little bit more of it as the years went on, but--

Rob: And we'll do more episodes that are more heavily focused on a couple of characters or one character.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: You know, where the other characters just kind of come in and out.

Charlie: Yes.

Rob: It's just fun to keep it fresh and keep people on the toes.

Glenn: Yeah, it's such a fun episode like the-- just the exploring the dynamic between these three characters. Like just, you know, the-the concept of three men in their- in their early 30s, like, arguing about which one of you is-- like, who's-who's best friends and shit.

Charlie: The-the simplicity of the scenes is super refreshing. Like, I come over to your- to your apartment, and that's--

Glenn: That's one of my all-time favorite scenes in the- in the entire series, is when you come over with the 24 pack of beer, and uh--

Charlie: That whole sequence from-from getting to the house to the end of the night peeing in the bed. Am I peeing?

Mac: Are you peeing? He's pissing all over the bed. I told him he was gonna do it. I knew he was gonna do it. He drank too much.

Dennis: Goddamn it.

Charlie: If I'm peeing, wake me up.

Glenn: Yeah, it's some of my favorite stuff. Yeah, you're right. That-that entire- that entire sequence, I mean that scene where I'm desperately trying to get you to sleep in my room and trying to engage you in some sort of fun activity, you know, us watching a DVD, but I remember- I remember us, like a lot of that, I-I-I think actually that entire board game conversation was improvised.

Charlie: Was it? Yeah, it feels- it feels improvised.

Glenn: I think in the script it was just- it was just like, we could play some board games and you're like, "Nah, I'm not really into that," or whatever, and we looked at the board games that we had, I think, in the-- they're on the set, like I think there were some board games on the set-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -and we were like, oh let's just-

Charlie: I think you're right. Chinese checkers is kind of foreign to me.

Glenn: Kind of foreign, yeah.

Rob: Connect 4.

Charlie: Connect 4, that's a lot of counting.

Glenn: A lot of counting.

Rob: Not really, but--

Glenn: Not really.

Charlie: Well, you know.

Glenn: It's 1, 2, 3, 4 and--

Charlie: Yeah, but over and over and over again.

Glenn: Yeah, but then just so many times you have to do it.

Charlie: Yeah so many times you have do it. How many times you get a one, two on the game?


Glenn: I-I have to admit, I feel like I'm stealing some-some moves from Jason Bateman in that scene. Did you pick up on that?

Rob: I-- When I was watching that today, that's what I felt like. I was like, "Oh, this a-- This is very Bateman."

Glenn: Yes, uh, and I-I think that, uh, it wasn't intentional initially, but it was like as I was doing it, I-I could feel it coming up. You know what I mean? It's like I-I just-- I've- I've always admired Jason Bateman, I-I love.

Charlie: He really mastered the dry, straight man, and so any time you wanna go dry, it's hard not to be like, "Oh, I'm slipping into a Bateman."

Glenn: I couldn't- I couldn't help it in that moment, it just felt right. Um, but I will- I will fully admit it and give him credit for sort of the-the rhythm, the inflection, sort of like the way I played that scene with you, you know? And it's fun, 'cause those are colors that I feel like I don't get to play that often on the show, like, especially in the later seasons as my character gets more insane-

Charlie: Yeah, more arch.

Glenn: -more angry, more arch.

Charlie: It's nice to see you like a little want-- a little needy, a little wanty.

Glenn: A little needy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Um, these scenes are played very natural. I mean, I-I guess except for like some super drunk acting but like--

Glenn: But even that, I mean--

Charlie: Yeah, it's all kinda really grounded and-and intimate, which is so funny to me, like--

Rob: Well, it's an emotional episode. It's about- it's about-- well, on the surface it's about love and about wanting to-to-to demonstrate that we-we are actually the ones who love each other more, but really it's- it's a desperate need for-for--

Charlie: Should we back it up to the-- how it begins with a little project badass?

Rob: Sure.

Charlie: Um, is that Marc Scizak on the bike or is that-- Is this before Marc Scizak started the show?

Rob: This is- this is one year before Marc Scizak.

Glenn: Oh, really? That wasn't Scizak?

Rob: Yeah, no, it looks like him and I've asked him about it.

Glenn: Marc Scizak is our, uh, stunt coordinator, uh, on the show and has been for many, many years and he's the only person who's ever been nominated for an Emmy.

Charlie: Yes.

Rob: Yes, multiple times.

Glenn: Multiple times, yes.

Charlie: Multiple times, and deservedly so. Um, but, uh, yeah, I thought that was Marc on the BMX bike.

Rob: It looks exactly like him.

Glenn: It does, yeah.

Rob: It's not him, and so that was all born out of our love for Jackass.

Glenn: Yeah, right.

Rob: How much we love Jackass.

Glenn: Yeah, that was our version of Jackass, right.

Rob: And found out that Knoxville was a fan of the show and-and we were trying to find ways in which we can incorporate him.

Charlie: That's right.

Rob: That, I think was the next season that we tried and we had a whole script, and he couldn't do it.

Glenn: We had a whole thing, yeah, yeah. The guy-- like, we were trying to do a Jackass thing, and then something happened where, like, one of those guys, like-- Oh, no, that's what it was. One of them came into the bar and they were, like, super depressed, right, and they were just drinking and we were like, "Oh, shit that's the guy from Jackass." Like, we should do some stuff with him and we kept trying to like Jackass prank him-

Charlie: Oh right, right, he just wanted a beer.

Glenn: -and he was like fucking just getting irritated with that. He just wanted to drink and-

Rob: Just leave me alone.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: -and, like, drown his sorrows and we just couldn't leave him alone and then I think like somebody ends up in-- somebody ended up in jail.

Rob: I think we should pull up that old script.

Glenn: Yeah, let's bust it out.

Charlie: It is interesting how the week before and this week, it-it does have a-- or at least that way into the episode has a lot to do with these sort of, you know, social phenomenons at the time, whether it was reality shows or Jackass or things that felt fresh. I don't know what would be today, you know, like, I think-- is anything new?

Glenn: Not-not for- not for me-- Not for us, not for-- for me, I've-I've sort of enclosed myself into a little bubble and, um--

Charlie: And nothing's new.

Rob: Sticking with the classics.

Glenn: I'm just sticking with the classics now, and, uh-

Charlie: Yeah, sure.

Glenn: And I feel it, I feel myself. I see-- I feel the world passing me by.

Rob: You're dug in.

Charlie: That's-that's why we do film noir episodes now.


Glenn: That's right, exactly right, right.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Glenn: Um, but no, but this is- this is something that you've talked about many times and I think something we all love is, like, the relationship episodes. You know, those-those are some of the best. Those are just always some of the best ones where it's really just about relationships and about, like, the, you know, the needs that you have and the-the-the, you know the inter-- what's the- what's the word I'm looking for? The--

Charlie: Interpersonal? It sounded like you were gonna--

Glenn: No, uh, uh.

Charlie: Interstellar.

Glenn: This is-this is-- by the way, this is happening to me now in my 40s.

Charlie: Intergalactic?

Glenn: I'm losing-- intergalactic?


Rob: Intercontinental?

Glenn: I'm losing words.

Rob: Tito Santana.

Glenn: No, no, um, uh, uh, oh my God.

Charlie: Did you say Tito Santana?

Rob: Yeah, Tito Santana, Intercontinental champion WWF 1986 to 1989?

Charlie: I'm positive that those are the words you were looking for.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, they weren't, but you know fair enough. Um--

Charlie: Carlos Santana?

Glenn: You know, when you're- when you're--

Charlie: Which Santana was it?

Glenn: [laughs] On-on- when you have an unhealthy relationship with somebody--

Charlie: Oh, oh, uh, codependent.

Rob: Dysfunctional?

Glenn: Codependent.

Rob: Oh, codependent.

Glenn: That's the word I was looking for, codependency.

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: I'm surprised I got it.

Glenn: A lot of codependency at play. The, um, the scene where you were, you know, you were on the walkie-talkie for the first time. First of all, just to start, like, that is the kind of thing that, like, when-when you were kids, like, walkie-talk-- you've got some walkie-talkies and you were like, "Holy shit. Whoa, this is so fucking cool. We can-- I can talk to you, you'd be like over there and I can be over here and we can talk to each and like, I wonder if we could reach all the way to our houses," and like-like, and the fact that these men in their 30s are still, like, obsessing over that, but--

Charlie: There's still something I find exciting about a walkie-talkie.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Even though I have a-a thing in my pocket where I can look at your face if you are in Egypt-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -and talk to you in real time, but if I have-

Glenn: Walkie-talkie brings back--

Glenn: -a little, like, walkie-talkie-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -if I pick up a signal of someone else somewhere, I'm like, "Whoa, that's really exciting."

Glenn: I'll tell you what-- the-the-- I remember- I remember, uh, when you end that first-- or when he abruptly ends that first walkie-talkie conversation. I'm just kind of hanging there, and I'm like--

Dennis: He's lying.

Charlie: Huh?

Dennis: He's spinning you a web of lies, Charlie.

Charlie: And-and the reach- the reach up to the top of the doorway-

Glenn: It was too high.

Charlie: -yeah, it was a little too high to reach.

Rob: But commit-- but-but you committed to it.

Glenn: Yes.

Rob: Because once the arms and hands go up, you can't- you can't--

Glenn: You can't-- no, that's the- that's the stance you took and you know, that was the big reveal. That's the reveal, my friend looks over and I'm doing-- [laughs] it's like-- And I remember thinking, like, as we were shooting that, I'm like, "This is a little too high," and then I was like, "Oh, that's actually funnier."

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: It's really awkward.

Charlie: It's funnier that it's an awkward stance.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Uh, the Don Johnson reference is classic.

Glenn: It's a good run.

Charlie: Is it-- we've had two Don Johnson references on the show.

Glenn: Have we?

Charlie: Do you know the second one?

Rob: Yes.

Rob: I don't.

Rob: Was it in the-- was it more recently?

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Was it in the haircut? Was it in the, uh--

Charlie: No. It's a little bit of a trick because we don't actually say Don Johnson, but we are referring to Don Johnson.

Rob: Sonny Crocket. What? No.

Charlie: A Nash Bridges reference. It's a lyric in The Gang Turns Black. I miss my old Camaro and my mansion in Van Nuys.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Still wish I hang with Nash Bridges-

Glenn: Nash Bridges and those--

Charlie: -and played poker with the fall guy.


Glenn: And played poker with the fall guy.

Charlie: Yeah, man.

Glenn: Yeah, he misses- he misses hanging out with Don Johnson and Lee Majors.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I sat next to Don Johnson once at a dinner party at Rob Lowe's house, and Don Johnson was a very cool. I love Don Johnson.

Glenn: He was a very cool-- yeah.

Charlie: I always have loved Don Johnson.

Rob: Speaking of, um, mixing it up a little bit-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: -with people not in the episode-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: You'll notice that there's an empty chair over there.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Now, now, Megan's still getting paid, but she's not playing.

Glenn: We'll see about that, but yeah.

Rob: Yeah, maybe we should. Should we talk about that? She's not here, so we could fit--

Charlie: Yeah, we should carve- carve this one out.

Rob: Yeah, we could carve one out.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Well, cause she's not playing and she's not pay to play, pay or play.

Glenn: I don't think we've signed anything that says pay or play.

Rob: No.

Charlie: No, we have not.

Rob: Okay, but she's gonna be editing the episode.

Glenn: So, if you don't play, there's-- we have a choice whether to pay.

Charlie: She's still gonna be doing some playing.

Rob: She will be, and in fact, she set- she set this whole thing up, and then she sent us a bunch of questions and things, so she is playing, I suppose.

Glenn: Yeah, she's also gonna be involved in the editing of this.

Rob: Yeah, that's what I said, if you're--

Glenn: So-- oh.

Rob: You're not playing either, 'cause you're not listening.

Charlie: I don't know. You checked out of play time for a minute.

Glenn: I'm-I'm only halfway here.

Charlie: You're here, but you're not playing. [chuckles]

Glenn: Well, let's see- let's see what-- if we've got some-some fun questions here that, uh, Meg prepared. Uh, We-- now, were you guys fans of Jackass actually when it came out?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I was too.

Rob: I-I-I-- we used to watch-

Glenn: I was blown away.

Rob: -the television series before--

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah, I loved it.

Charlie: You know what's crazy, I d-- I'm sure I wa-- yeah. I'm sure I watched the TV series. I don't know that I've seen any of the movies.

Rob: Oh-

Glenn: Oh God, they are fantastic.

Rob: -do yourself a favor.

Glenn: They're fantastic. They're fantastic.

Charlie: I don't- I don't know how I haven't.

Glenn: They're genuinely, genuinely fantastic.

Charlie: I'm sure.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. I think it is-- I will say though, it's the kind of thing that's like best experienced in the theater.

Charlie: Mm.

Glenn: You know what I mean?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: With a giant group of people.

Charlie: They joy of uh-

Glenn: Yeah, and I can't remember if I told--

Charlie: -watching a man set his balls on fire in a group.

Glenn: Yes, exactly, try to-- yeah. I-I-I don't know, I may have talked about this on the podcast before, but I took Jill on our very first date together, I took her to sushi, and then we went and saw Jackass 2. And the fact that she was down to do that and excited to do it, and then, you know, enjoyed the movie just as much as I did-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -I was like-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: This is- this is the one.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: This is the one. She's the one I want.

Charlie: Did you have sex that night?

Glenn: We didn't.

Charlie: [chuckles] I feel like that's like what Howard Stern would ask. And uh-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -how was the sex? Right, you know.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Not that I wanna be Howard Stern.

Glenn: We, uh, [chuckles] we did not, we did not. We-we-we actually didn't have sex for a little while. We waited.

Charlie: Till you got married?

Rob: Well, she waited. I think should she-- didn't she-- may-- She was maybe not sure.

Glenn: No, well--

Rob: There was a period I remember where you were like, "Uh, this-- I like this woman but I-

Glenn: No, this-- well--

Rob: -think she's kind of--"

Glenn: The-the real story is, uh, we started dating and she was like six months out of a six year relationship. So she was like just not, uh, ready to be in a relationship and I could tell, and she pretty much told me as much. And I had been single for like three years, and you know, wasn't like trying to get in a relationship, but when I met her, I was like, "Oh, this isn't the kind of girl that I just want to date," like I-- "This is serious girlfriend, possibly marrying material," and she just wasn't ready for that. So we dated for like, I don't know, three weeks and then I actually called it off, because I was like, I-I don't want to just date you, and this feels weird and I feel like it's, you know, like we're-we're just like-- it was a dynamic that wasn't quite working, and I was like I don't want--

Rob: This is a good move, this is a Howerton special. You saw that she was going to do it first.

Glenn: Dennis system.

Rob: And-and you said no, you said no. You knew-- you saw the writing on the wall, and you were like, "This woman is great-

Glenn: Yes.

Rob: -she's going to tell me to fuck off. What I'm going to do is I'm going to tell her to fuck off first."

Glenn: Well, yes, but it was also, uh, you know, uh, I did-- I was aware

Charlie: Wow, mind game.

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: I was aware in the back of my head that, like, I was doing something arguably sort of impressive.


Glenn: Walking away- walking away from a relationship-

Charlie: I'm impressed by this break up.

Rob: The Glenn system.

Glenn: Well, because my reason-

Rob: The Glenn system.

Glenn: -because my reason for breaking up with her was that I liked her too much, and that she wasn't ready for what I had to offer.

Rob: We got to get a board up here and get the Glenn system up, I want to know the acronym.

Charlie: Yeah, but what was her reaction to that? I will marry you and have your babies.

Rob: Yeah, yeah. No, it's-- no, at first, it's, "Oh, okay," but then weeks go by and she's like, "What?"

Charlie: She's like, "This creep's trying to Glenn me."

Rob: He's trying to Glenn me, but I-- somehow, I'm into it.

Charlie: What would the Glenn system be?

Rob: Yeah, G.

Charlie: Gloat.


Rob: Gloat first?

Glenn: Go to woman.

Rob: I think go--

Charlie: Go to wo- go for it.

Rob: Go for it.

Charlie: Go for it.

Rob: Go for it. Then L.

Charlie: Love making.

Glenn: Lift off, yeah, love making.

Charlie: Love making.

Rob: Go for it. Love making.

Charlie: E. Escalate, escalate.

Glenn: Escalate.

Charlie: Escalate.

Rob: Escalate.

Charlie: N N. Never Negotiate.

Glenn: Never-- [laughs]

Rob: Well, no, N.


Rob: N, that's like a classic.

Glenn: Neglect.

Rob: What is that weird, like, pickup artist shit, um, what do they call it?

Charlie: Oh, negging

Rob: Negging.

Glenn: Oh, negging.

Rob: Negging.

Glenn: Neg.

Rob: So that was-- the-- your first N is the neg.

Charlie: Neg.

Rob: So you took it all the way, then you neg- you negged her.

Charlie: Neg and then nuptials.

Rob: Neg and then nuptials.

Glenn: And nuptials, that was the Glenn system, yeah.

Rob: Wow.

Glenn: Just the one time. Just the one time.

Glenn: Did you ever think that maybe you were caught in a web of her making?

Charlie: I'm sure.

Glenn: I don't think-- look [crosstalk]

Rob: Could be, could be that she's smarter. She's definitely smarter than you, and that she could--

Charlie: Without a doubt. The second she locked eyes with you, she knew, she was like, "This guy's trying to break up with me and do the whole thing. Okay, sure."

Rob: Mm-hmm

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: The Jill.

Glenn: We should have her on-- we should have the-the-- we should have Jill on-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glen: Right, because we've had your wives on now.

Rob: When we get to that episode.

Glenn: That makes more sense.

Rob: When we get to that episode.

Glenn: When we get to The D.E.N.N.I.S. System episode, we'll have Jill on, and she can tell her version of the story.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Yeah, and we can cut all this.

Glenn: Yeah, we can cut all of this because it'll be way better with her.

Charlie: It'll be fresh and new.

Glenn: With her there.

Rob: I don't know, I-I-I find it fascinating.

Charlie: It is fascinating.

Glenn: Yeah, it's interesting, I-I-- but--

Rob: I'll tell you what else I feel-- I find fascinating, and this is why I went into the episode. Um, within, uh, there's a very-- I-I think a very popular subset of-of pornography viewers who really enjoy a closeup of genitalia just smacking together. I've never understood this. I've never understood--

Glenn: Some enjoy it. I think it's the actual pornographer who enjoys it, and doesn't know his audience.

Rob: Clearly, people are watching it.

Charlie: I don't think so. I think it's a way to, um, stitch scenes together.

Glenn: Oh, you think it's a cut point.

Charlie: Yeah, it's a cut point, yeah, so you're like--

Glenn: We need something to cut to. What about, what if all we can see is his asshole and his balls?

Charlie: Okay, you're going to make a porn and you're like, oh, you know what, I like them to be at least, uh, a minute and a half long, and uh, this-this one lasted about 35 seconds, um, so I'l-I'll go to the library of ball and vagina and, uh-

Glenn: You can pull any angle.

Charlie: -and I'll just splice that in, and I'll lengthen up this episode.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: It's just like-- It's crazy dehumanizing, right? Is that the idea? That you're just-- you're dec- you're decapitating the people. You're-you're suggesting that they're not humans.

Glenn: I think--

Rob: Who-who-who is attracted to that?

Charlie: No, I think it's-- you're getting a closer look at what's happening, you know, you're like-

Glenn: But who wants that?

Charlie: -you're like- you're like, I'm really engaged in this story, but what's really happening in this story?

Glenn: I apologize to everybody out there who is into that, and there's nothing wrong with- there's nothing wrong with that.

Rob: I'm not sex shaming anybody.

Charlie: Don't close up shame.

Rob: I'm fascinated, it's fascinating.

Glenn: It is fascinating. I-I can tell you that I'm not into it, that's not what I want to see.

Rob: I feel like Charlie's defending it, he might be into it, which is fine, but-

Charlie: I'm not, no.

Rob: -can you walk us through why?

Glenn: Can I just tell you what I think--

Charlie: No, I'm with you. I'm not into it. I'm just trying to figure out why it's in there, and I think it has to do with the storytelling. You know, I think it really has to do with like-

Rob: It's narratively based.

Charlie: -bring the audience closer to the story that you're trying to tell. You know, you're trying to get people to be like, "Okay, these two people are having sex, but how is it happening?"

Rob: Right.

Charlie: You know, like what-what actually is--

Glenn: What are the steps?

Charlie: What are the steps?

Glenn: It could be-- or it could just be their version of [hums Sunny theme music].

Charlie: Uh-huh, what is the speed at which this is happening? You know, like, um, you know, I can't-- I know I can't smell it, but I imagine the closer- the closer a view I get, the more I could sense the horrible smell.

Glenn: Well, you get to see who's generating the power. You do.

Charlie: Who's generating the power? Who's receiving the power?

Glenn: Who's receiving and who is generating? Yeah, you get-- you do get a little bit of that.

Rob: I don't know, it's definitely- it's definitely for the male audience, right? Am I- am I-- is that stereotyping?

Glenn: I think it's all for the male audience.

Rob: Yeah, well, it's all for the male audience, okay, to be fair.

Glenn: I-I-I think, sadly, yeah.

Charlie: You don't want to finish your point and feel like I didn't get enough coverage.


Charlie: You know what I mean, like, you know what I mean? You don't want to be in the editing room and be like, "We don't have enough-

Rob: I-I wish I have--

Charlie: -angles here, and this is-- no one's gonna watch this," you know.

Glenn: Well, and also, like, you-you know, you-you're trying to get-- you're trying to appeal to everybody, you know, which is why, you know, somebody's-- at some point often somebody's gonna do something with a foot, you know, and then you're gonna get a shot of the guy's, you know, butthole, 'cause you know, who knows who's watching? And who knows who's watching and who's into what?

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: You want to give them a little bit of everything.

Charlie: You're trying to get those VHSs to fly off the shelf, right, and, uh, you want to make sure that everyone is appealed to, yeah, yeah.

Rob: All the creeps are-- All the creeps--

Rob: All the creeps are satisfied.


Glenn: Well, guys, if you haven't heard the news yet, it is Smooth Sack summer.

Rob: Say you're a group of fighter pilots, right? You know.

Charlie: Uh, I would say that.

Rob: Okay, and you're playing- and you're playing your balls in the sun.

Charlie: Whether it's volleyball or it's- or it's some weird sort of two football.

Glenn: But either way, you've got expert ball handling skills and you want to impress the ladies.

Rob: Mm-hmm, or each other.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Or each other. Actually more so each other.

Charlie: Mm-hmm. And then you want to make sure that those balls are aerodynamic, right, hydrodynamic, and smooth to the touch. You want the leader in below-the-belt grooming.

Glenn: What do you want?

Charlie: You want Manscaped.

Rob: The Manscaped performance package 4.0 has everything you need to prepare for that glistening, dewy, inexplicably sweaty, just very overall damp summer bod.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Now, about that lawnmower, it features a ceramic blade with state-of-the-art advanced skin-safe technology to reduce grooming accidents. Now, I cannot tell you how thankful I am that they've developed this safeguard against what can be extremely painful or somewhat embarrassing, he says from personal experience.

Glenn: [laughs] Yeah, it's Smooth Sack Summer, guys, not scarred sack summer. Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code SUNNY at

Charlie: That's 20% off plus free shipping with the code SUNNY at

Rob: It's Smooth Sack Summer, boys, get on board or get left behind. SUNNY at


Glenn: Hey, what's up creeps, uh, Glenn here.

Charlie: I'm gonna get my merch at the merchandise store.

Glenn: Sorry about that. Go ahead, cut that, cut that, cut that. Um, let's go again. Um, okay, what's up creeps? Glenn here, SUNNY merch is now available-

Charlie: I'm gonna cut that with my Cut That mug.

Glenn: [exhales] Okay. Hey, guys, sorry-

Rob: What's up, listeners.

Glenn: Oh fuck.

Rob: I'm wearing a sweatshirt with my face on it, and you can too.

Charlie: At the merchandise store.

Rob: Wear a sweatshirt with my face on it, not yours. What are you? A narcissist?

Glenn: Go to and get you some podcast merch, baby.


Charlie: Is this the first episode where we establish that you have a camera running in your-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -uh, bedroom at all times?

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's really disturbing.

Charlie: I-I remember doing it and being like, "Uh, is it too far? But it's funny." The drawer full of tapes.

Glenn: The drawer full of tapes. Also--

Charlie: And the 1 star, and your reaction to the 1 star.

Glenn: The-the-the number of waitresses.

Rob: The number of different waitresses.

Glenn: The number of different waitresses, all like--

Charlie: Waitress coffee shop. [chuckles]

Glenn: Yeah, there's-- yeah, there's like, waitress at the-

Charlie: And the fact that you're disappointed that it's a 1-star tape.

Glenn: Well, she's disappointed.

Rob: Yeah, she's disappointed.

Glenn: Well, you're-- and you're--

Charlie: No, you-you say it's not good.

Rob: It's not good.

Glenn: Ooh, not good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: But see, it's episodes like this and situations like that, that, I don't know, I mean, we don't need to get into this again-

Glenn: Go ahead. We can always cut that.

Rob: -but when we talk-- when we start talking about episodes that are pulled or banned for-for very specific reasons.

Glenn: Yeah, why is that not?

Rob: I look at this and I say, "This one should be ba--" If you're looking at the show and saying, "We're taking this all at face value,"-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -that intention doesn't matter, that the-- essentially the subject, uh, the-the-the subject that we're addressing is-- should be taken at face value, and that these characters are-- we're presenting them as human beings who we're-- and-and whose lives we're following, um, and there's no satirical element to it, then there's a- there's a case to be made that certainly an episode like this should be pulled. I mean, it's like such an insane violation that Dennis is-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Mm.

Rob: -perpetrating. We go on to suggest also that he's potentially a serial killer. Like a legit mass murderer.

Glenn: It-- Oh, oh, later.

Rob: Yeah, later in the scene.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, in the scenes, yeah.

Rob: And then again, if you're taking it at face value, are we suggesting that this is something funny? This is something to laugh about?

Charlie: My character is harassing a woman for-

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -the entirety of the series.

Glenn: He's lovable, but what he's doing is, yeah, entirely inappropriate. [laughs]

Charlie: Yes, yes, yes, and it's funny.

Glenn: It is funny. It-- because it is despicable, and despicable behavior is funny.

Rob: It's the- it's the point of the show.

Glenn: It always has been. It always has been. And again, we're not saying these are good people, so it's not, you know, but, uh, yeah, anyway--

Charlie: I don't know.

Glenn: So let me see if we have any other, uh, we have any other prompts here. Uh, okay, actually this is a good one. Charlie, your character drinks-- by the way, you're drunk acting in this episode is just fantastic.

Charlie: Oh, thank you.

Glenn: I love it.

Charlie: How about you take your mind off of it with some pizza and some beer. Oh, that's right. I ate all the pizza. And I drank all the beer.

Mac: You must be wasted, dude, 24 beers by yourself.

Charlie: And I'm very wasted.

Glenn: I love it so much. I love the- I love the- I love the weird little body choices that you make, like when you're drunk, like the-- you-- it's almost like you don't have as good a control over your limbs.

Charlie: It's always fun to do, right? Because you feel like you have like a-- I don't know, you have like a pass to just go as far as you want, right? Like you-- because you're drunk. So you're like, I don't know, try anything, try this posture, try this speech pattern.

Glenn: Well, you've always been good about-- I-I will say you've always been more brave, insofar as, like, you're willing to just really go for it, like make a really bold choice.

Charlie: Mm.

Glenn: And that was something that took me a while to kind of get to a place where I felt comfortable doing that. Like, it's a good thing, because you're a good enough actor to where it doesn't-- you-you can go big and it's still-- there's still like a-a kernel of truth to it, you know.

Charlie: It's kind of you to say, and I'll take all the compliments, and say thank you.

Glenn: But 24 beers is a lot. How many beers have you guys ever had in a single sitting? Or not in a single sitting, but like--

Charlie: I mean, here's the thing, if you--

Glenn: How about over the course of a day.

Charlie: When you get past 10, you are losing count, you know?

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Sure.

Charlie: And if you-

Rob: There were periods a long time ago, where, yeah, you'd start a day drinking ep-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: -episode with friends.

Glenn: Right. A barbecue.

Rob: In your- in your early 20s, and it would start-- I remember, uh, there were-- there were some bars on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. And on Saturday mornings, they would run a- they would run a, uh, a promotion where you paid $40, and you from 10:00 AM until 4:00 PM, you had all the beer you could drink, and all the wings you could eat, and they would just put college football on.

Glenn: Wow.

Rob: And you would go-- you would go there and you-- we would spend from 10:00 to 4:00 there, and it was just like-

Glenn: And you'd stumble out of that place probably, right?

Rob: Yeah, but we would transition straight from that into another, like, party, and then another-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: -bar after that.

Charlie: Sure.

Rob: And so I don't know. I mean--

Glenn: The wings and the-- and the celery, and the blue cheese set you straight.

Rob: And you're drinking probably some kind of light beer because you gotta- you gotta pace yourself to a certain extent.

Glenn: Sure. Yes, you're not drinking IPAs. You're not drinking 24 IPAs.

Rob: No, no, no, no, I--but I- but I have to assume there was 30 beers straight. From the time you-- I started at 10:00 AM-

Glenn: So you think- you think you may have-

Charlie: You know,

Glenn: -had a 30 beer-

Rob: Because I didn't drink any other alcohol.

Glenn: Right.

Charlie: I'd be surprised. I bet- I-I bet you're capping out before 24. Before a full case.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: In-in a- in a 10-hour period?

Glenn: From-from 10:00 AM till what are we talking, like midnight?

Rob: An average of two beers an hour.

Glenn: Two-two beers in an hour.

Glenn: Two beers in an hour, I think you start to slow down after a while.

Charlie: Probably.

Rob: You'll probably slow down to one beer an hour-

Charlie: Probably.

Glenn: -at a certain point.

Glenn: I think you gonna probably-- the brakes are gonna start coming on, depending on your body weight, and height and all that, by the time you get near 18.

Rob: And they probably should.

Glenn: [chuckles] Yeah, yeah.

Rob: They probably should.

Glenn: I don- I-I don't think I've ever had anywhere close to 18 beers in a day. I-I just don't-- I-I just can't. I don't think I could do that. I-I think, um--

Rob: I couldn't at 45, but at 25 I could.

Glenn: You could at 25. Yeah, over the course of like 10 hours. Yeah. Yeah.

Charlie: 10 hours maybe, right?

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: It's tough to know, because after 10, you really don't know what you're- what you're doing.

Glenn: Counting them all, huh?

Charlie: Well, sometime-sometimes it's-it's easy to count, right? Because you-you-you bought two six-packs, right? And then the-- you know one of them's gone, and then, you know, half of the next or something like that. So you can-- it's easy to count.

Glenn: But you're passing them around.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: Are you carrying them around yourself and not letting anybody have them, and then you are like--

Charlie: Oh, there's other people there?

Rob: Yeah.


Glenn: It’s a keg party.

Charlie: Oh, I thought I was just alone watching a movie in my house.

Rob: You're drinking solo.

Charlie: Sure.

Glenn: No, that's what- that's what it turns into. That's what it develops into later.

Charlie: That's what you become in, yeah, your later 20s and your early 30s, and yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, you're still- you're still doing it. Uh, 24 is-- yeah.

Rob: It's a lot of beer.

Charlie: 24 is a lot.

Glenn: Let's see.

Charlie: Dead air.

Glenn: Dead air.

Rob: Dead air.

Charlie: Dead air.


Glenn: I don't know guys.

Charlie: What, you don't like the questions?

Rob: I'm not--

Charlie: Let's just hear them anyway.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: And then let's re-- ridicule Megan for writing them.

Rob: Yeah. You know, so Meg, you're not here and yet you're still doing work-

Charlie: Yeah, and we-we got nothing.

Rob: We came ill-prepared. We watched the episode.

Glenn: This episode is rated in the top 10% of all Sunny episodes on IMDB.

Charlie: Now, who's rating that?

Glenn: IMDB.

Rob: I'd put it up there. I loved it.

Charlie: I would too, but-but-but how do they--

Glenn: Just IMDB folks.

Charlie: So, top rated episode of people who go onto IMDB to vote about episodes?

Glenn: I guess, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, but I'd put it up there. I'd put it way up there, because I-I think because like-- and I've never really thought about like what are-- I don't-- I think it's because there's- there's like three or four scenes in this episode that to me are like scenes that I'd point to as some of the funniest things.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: The scene- the scene where-where, you know, you come in to give me my walkie-talkie and admit to me that you've been banging the waitress.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: And we, you know, and you explain that we're-we're-we're closer than best friends, we're blood brothers.

Rob: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Glenn: And he's asleep, and then he wakes up, and you hide under the covers right at my crotch.

Charlie: What am I- what am I seeing?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: And you come over-- yeah. When you go-- I just remember, like, shooting that and thinking, this is- this is so-- like, the way you performed it too, yeah, like--

Charlie: It was Matt Shakman who directed this episode too, right?

Rob: Yes, Shakman shot it.

Charlie: What-what is it that, you know, you look at our show and the coverage- the coverage, or the camera angles, uh, coverage, uh, for, I guess, anyone who might not know, is like, uh, when you're looking at a porn and suddenly there's a very closeup shot of-of the genitalia moving in at egregious speeds. That's a piece of coverage. But like--

Rob: That's a piece of something.

Charlie: Like, the coverage of our show is very simple. We don't have dollies, we're not switching lenses on the cameras. It's not-- but something that Matt Shakman does, it makes these episodes work so-- I think-- I don't know what it is, but the-- maybe it was the writing, maybe it's all of it together, but he really has many, many, many, many good episodes, and--

Glenn: When he's-- he's also, uh, you know, somebody that can direct in so many different genres.

Charlie: I know.

Glenn: Like, the fact that he--

Rob: He went from Sunny to Mad Men to Game of Thrones.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I know, but-- you know, my--

Rob: To WandaVision.

Glenn: To WandaVision yeah.

Charlie: It wasn't a very eloquent question, but I'm just wondering what he does with how he covers these episodes that makes them feel very natural and very-- where another episode might feel a little more clunky--

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: And I bet he's a bigger piece of the puzzle than-

Glenn: Oh, absolutely.

Charlie: -we give him credit. You know.

Glenn: Well I ge-- yeah, I mean I think- I think we give Matt a lot, and like I-I certainly, I mean, I think that some-- I-I love working with Matt. I wish we could get him back, but he's too- he's-he's got too much going on.

Rob: He's got too much going on.

Glenn: Yeah, too much going on.

Charlie: He's got a lot going on.

Glenn: He's doing way cooler things.

Rob: But there were whole seasons of Sunny that he-he directed every episode.

Charlie: Season 5?

Glenn: Did he direct an entire season?

Rob: Yeah, Season 5.

Charlie: Did he do all of Season 5?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: He did the whole season, all-

Rob: 10?

Glenn: -12. I think we did 12 that year, 'cause we did the Christmas episode.

Charlie: And I think you could make a strong argument Season 5 is our best season. Parts of this season as well.

Glenn: I think Season 5 is one of my- one of my favorite seasons for sure.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, and a lot-- yeah, and Shakman was-- had a huge hand in that while also running a theater company.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Amazing, amazing.

Charlie: Amazing.

Rob: You guys wanted to try something different?

Charlie: What do you wanna try?

Rob: I had an idea just in the moment here, 'cause I-- just 'cause I'd like to see it, and I'm gonna pretend like I'm an audience member who appreciates your comedy. I don't know, I think I would love to see this because when-when did we shoot this episode, did we establish, like, 13 years ago?

Glenn: Uh.

Charlie: This would have been 2008.

Glenn: It was in 2008, so 15 years ago.

Rob: Wow.

Glenn: No, 14.

Charlie: 14 years ago.

Glenn: Sorry 14 years ago.

Rob: That's a long time. Um--

Charlie: Uh, man.

Rob: I would love to see if you guys, just on memory, and having just seen the episode, could recreate right for us right now, recreate the scene in which you come in with the beers, and you are trying to get him to sleep in your bed.

Glenn: Mm, like actually try to remember the words?

Rob: Well, and then come up and then improve your own words as-- recognizing what the scenario is.

Charlie: Yeah. We could try?

Glenn: We can always cut it.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: We can always cut it-

Glenn: We can always cut it.

Rob: -and I think it could be really funny.

Charlie: I think you shouldn't be here, because-

Glenn: Yeah. Is that gonna throw you?

Rob: Oh, I'mma mess you up?

Charlie: Well, the reality of the scene is you're not sitting here. The reality is I've come over to hang out with you-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: -and you're not here yet, and I have to talk to you.

Rob: That's great.

Rob: So- so we're gonna put almost like a- like a theater piece.

Charlie: Look at these like linen pants you got, man.

Rob: Well-

Charlie: These are great

Rob: -I-I meant to bring this up and--

Charlie: This whole outfit is really good in a way.

Glenn: I think he said that you're headed straight to the Caribbean after this.

Rob: I meant to bring this up when we were talking about Don Johnson. W-when I was watching the Don Johnson, I thought, and I have this, like, some linen clothing.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: I was gonna give my best Don Johnson look.

Charlie: All right, uh, all right.

Rob: So, what if I sat over where Meg sits-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, over there's fine.

Rob: -and then I can just-- I can observe.

Glenn: Yeah, you're the audience.

Rob: I'm the audience.

Glenn: This is the set.

Rob: Okay.

Glenn: Audience is over there.

Rob: All right, so we'll set- we'll set the scene then. Um--

Charlie: I'm coming over and I'm sleeping over with Mac and, um, I wanna get over there, but you're here.

Glenn: I'm trying to get you over there.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Okay, great.

Charlie: All right. We're going to give it a whirl.

Glenn: I hope this is- I hope this is okay for the listeners, yeah.

Charlie: I need my beard.

Glenn: Oh.

Rob: Your beard?

Glenn: Oh, yeah. To get-- it feels very out of character.

Charlie: I'm a different character with that.

Glenn: Well, me too, I mean, I don't--

Charlie: You need your hair, man.

Glenn: I need my hair.

Charlie: Golden god hair. Uh.

Glenn: Let me put on my, like, hairpiece.

Rob: Now, do you want me to say action or should I just stay out of it?

Glenn: Oh, yeah. I think action is-- I don't know.

Charlie: You want an action? -

Glenn: It-it-it does something to me.

Rob: Okay.

Glenn: [laughs] Right, you know what I mean?

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Like you-- Are you going to start with a knock? What does-what does the scene start with? No, you just- you just come right in.

Charlie: Yeah, sure.

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: Okay, now Glenn is Dennis Reynolds here.

Glenn: [laughs] Yeah, sadly, always.

Rob: Charlie, is Charlie Kelly here. Yap, here we go, and act.

Glenn: Hey, what's up buddy? How are you doing?

Charlie: Hey.

Glenn: I'm glad you made it. I could grab that sleeping bag from you.

Charlie: Oh, yeah. No, that's okay, 'cause, um--

Glenn: Yeah, I'm just gonna--

Charlie: Uh, oh, you-- in your room?

Glenn: Yeah, I'm glad you came over, man. I-I just-- I'm gonna pop this in my room and then, yeah, we can get that set up, then we can forget about that and move on to whatever else.

Charlie: Yeah, no, that's-- I-- actually, I think I was going to sleep in Mac's room. So-

Glenn: Oh, well, I mean there's, you know, there's a lot more room in my- in my room.

Charlie: Yeah, but-

Glenn: Mac's room's kind of small.

Charlie: -Mac and I made a plan already. So-

Glenn: Yeah, but okay.

Charlie: -you know, feel bad if I wasn't in his room when he got back here.

Glenn: Okay, all right.

Charlie: Wherever he's from-

Glenn: That's cool.

Charlie: -or at. [chuckle] Um--

Glenn: We'll toss that- we'll toss that in his room and then we'll-we'll get into it.

Charlie: Okay.

Glenn: Uh, I see you got--

Charlie: Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know if all-- if like we should be like in a thing, you know, when Mac gets back because it was gonna--

Glenn: I think it's- I think it's probably fine. I noticed you got 24 beers there. So crack some of those up, get-- crack-crack some of those open and get a little tipsy.

Charlie: Those are kind of for me and Mac though, really. Um.

Glenn: Okay, well, that's 24 beers. Uh, you're gonna--

Charlie: 12 for me, and-

Glenn: You're really gonna drink all that.

Charlie: -12 for Mac.

Glenn: 12 for you and 12 for Mac.

Charlie: Yeah, so that's kind of our thing.

Glenn: Really? That's a lot.

Charlie: Not that much, just half a case.

Glenn: It's a hell of a lot. Uh, we could probably divide those up eight, eight, eight, and make that work, but uh, you want to drink them- you want to drink them all. That's fine. I think I got- I got some in the fridge. Why don't we do something else?

Charlie: We do wanna drink them all.

Glenn: Let's-let's-let's uh, let's do something, man. What do you want to do? Hey, you know what, we got-- I got a bunch of new board games. I got the old, I got the classics too. We got- we got Chinese Checkers. We can do Chinese Checkers.

Charlie: Yeah, it's kind of foreign to me, really. I don't want to play a foreign game, you know?

Glenn: Okay. Well, we got, uh, we got Clue. We could solve a mess-- mystery together.

Charlie: Yeah, it's a little too mysterious, you know, and-and feels dangerous with all the little weapons and stuff.

Glenn: Okay. So you feel like something might happen?


Charlie: I just don't want to get like poked or anything, with like a knife, or--

Glenn: Yeah, you wanna-- Okay, well, let's find something less pokey. Let's uh-- what are we doing?


Rob: Get back in. Get back in.

Glenn: Sorry.

Charlie: You're the problem. With you sitting there giggling.

Glenn: All right, we can play something a little less pokey. Hey, you know what's round?

Charlie: What's that?

Glenn: You know what's round? We could do some Connect Four.

Charlie: Oh, yeah-

Glenn: The little -- those little round guys. It's fun.

Charlie: -but you can get your finger caught, you know, if you put it in there, and you could like lose your whole finger when the little slicer comes down.

Glenn: I can tell you how to avoid that. I can tell you how to avoid that. Yeah, it's not-- I mean, it's not really that sharp. It's not like a guillotine, you know?

Charlie: Yeah-

Glenn: So, let's play some Connect Four.

Charlie: -it could be. I've never really got my finger in there because-because there-- yeah, it's a lot of counting too, man. I don't want to spend my whole night counting.

Glenn: Well it's-it's not that much counting. It's one, two, three, four, and then you win.

Charlie: Yeah, but over-- [chuckles] Yeah, but over and over and over again, man. I don't want to spend the whole time counting, you know?

Glenn: You just do it once, you know. It's one, two, three, four, and the game's over. You've won.

Charlie: [laughs] Yeah, but I mean, if I'm gonna spend the whole time counting and playing with pokey things, it's like not really what I came over here to do, you know. Like kind of just want to get in Mac's room and-

Glenn: What about a DVD?

Charlie: -close the door.

Glenn: Let's-- I've got a-- I've just got a bunch of new DVDs, uh--

Charlie: Yeah, but like--

Glenn: You know, some sequels that maybe you haven't seen.

Charlie: Yeah, but maybe I haven't seen the first one.

Glenn: Well, I probably got the first one too. If I've got the DVD of the second one.


Glenn: I've probably got the first one too. If I have the DVD of the second one, I've got the first one.

Charlie: Yeah, I don't know if I really--

Glenn: So we can sift through those.

Charlie: I don't know that I really liked the first one. [laughs]

Glenn: You don't even know what movie we're talking about.


Rob: Okay, get through that. Get through that.

Charlie: That would be the bit. So what would happen is we would be like, "Oh, that's really funny."

Rob: That's what the scene's about now.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: And then we would laugh through the first take of it.

Rob: Okay, okay. Now make the whole thing-

Charlie: Okay, man.

Rob: -make the whole thing about the movies-

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

We're just gonna-- I'm gonna keep--

Rob: -that he doesn't like, and he doesn't even know what they are.

Glenn: Okay. Well, if I've got--

Charlie: I don't-- yeah, but I don't really like the first one, you know, 'cause the first one was kind of scary.

Glenn: Okay, we-we haven't established what movie we're talking about here.

Charlie: Well, you know, most of them. [chuckles]

Glenn: Most of the first of movies that have sequels are scary to you?

Charlie: Well, you know, there's always, like, you never know when something is gonna be like-- there's gonna be like a bang, or like--

Glenn: Uh-huh, okay. [chuckles]

Glenn: Yeah and you get- you get startled easy, that's fine. Well, we can do-- we could do a comedy. I've got Three Amigos. When was the last time you saw Three Amigos? [crosstalk]

Charlie: Sorry, dude, it's, like, dusty in here so my eyes are-- There's too many Amigos.


Glenn: That's an odd number of Amigos.

Charlie: Yeah, that's an odd number of Amigos, now we're back to counting, so.


Rob: Well, you guys are my amigos. I really enjoyed, um, this episode. I enjoyed this podcast, I enjoyed watching you work.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: And, um.

Charlie: Yeah, you know, and, uh, a quick prayer, and, uh--

Rob: Okay, all for one and one for all.

Charlie: Uh, yeah.

Rob: Right?

Glenn: That's the--

Charlie: Huh, right, wasn't that the Three Amigos? [crosstalk] You go, bam bem, and then when you, huh, burst your crotch out. Uh, can you name the three writers of the Three Amigos?

Glenn: I can.

Charlie: There are three writers credited for writing that movie. Do you know who they are, Rob McElhenney?

Glenn: We got Lorne-- Oh.

Rob: Lorne Michaels.

Charlie: Ah, you motherfucker.

Glenn: Sorry, I didn't know it was-- Sorry.

Rob: Uh, Chevy Chase.

Charlie: Nah.

Rob: Well, they are-- they-they-they premier-- or-or do they, uh, appear in the movie?

Charlie: One does.

Rob: Can I get a clue? Can I get a clue?

Charlie: One does.

Rob: Uh, who are they? Steve Martin.

Charlie: Uh-huh.

Rob: Yeah, Steve Martin, Lorne Michaels, and there's a third party. Is it- is it the director? Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me. Is it like, uh, is it a- is it a big name that you wouldn't think?

Charlie: Yes.

Rob: Is it Joel Coen or Ethan Coen? Is it one of the Coen brothers?

Charlie: It's a big name you wouldn't think 'cause he's not known for writing, uh, screenplays. He's known for writing something else.

Glenn: Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. Oh my God, I know who it is.

Rob: He's known for writing something else. Um.

Glenn: It is a songwriter that Charlie, the character Charlie, often emulates.

Rob: That Charlie often emulates.

Glenn: That-that Charlie Day also really likes.

Charlie: I'll give you another clue. This whole episode is about friendship, and, uh, you know, you have a friend in me.

Rob: Oh, oh, um, uh, I love LA.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: Um, um, I'm blanking on his name. Um, please don't tell me. Uh, Randy Newman.

Charlie: Randy Newman, Lorne Michaels, and, uh --

Glenn: And Steve Martin.

Rob: What a crew.

Glenn: Yeah, it's weird, right?

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Yeah, interesting. Uh, you wonder, though, how much-- yeah, like what was the- what was the-- 'Cause, I mean, Lorne is not really-- I mean.

Charlie: I think it was-- they wrote it on the season that he wasn't running SNL. There was the-- like the--

Glenn: Oh, oh he stepped back for a season.

Charlie: He stepped back for like a year or was it two years? Like a year, and they all got together, and they kind of kicked around this idea and they wrote, uh--

Glenn: Holds up, it holds up. I mean, I haven't seen it in probably 10 years, but the last time I saw it, I-I was laughing a lot more than I was expecting to laugh. It was- it was really funny.

Charlie: It was a lot of good laughs.

Glenn: I love that Marty Short.

Charlie: Yeah, same.

Glenn: Love that Marty Short, man, he's a genius.

Charlie: And there's one joke in there where-where he goes, "Yes, uh, see that-that mail plane up there?" Um, and he goes, "How do you know it's a male plane?" Tiny little balls.

Glenn: I don't get the balls, balls?

Charlie: And-and that's-- well, it's the little wheels, but like, uh--

Glenn: Oh, okay, all right.

Charlie: But, uh, you know, male.

Rob: Yeah, yeah, I know I got that part.

Glenn: Yeah, I got that part.

Rob: You got that part?

Charlie: And then what the-- the funny part is, I think it's Steven Martin who goes through a series of, like, laughing and then not getting it and then like getting it for a second, and then not getting it. Anyway, that's the-the best part of that joke.

Glenn: Well, how do we end on a high note?

Rob: I-I try.

Charlie: [singing]

[End Credits]


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