On the pod, the guys revisit Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 2, Episode 4.
Charlie: Guys, how are you doing today? I haven't- I-I haven't-
Glenn: That, uh, that parking place [inaudible 00:00:05]-
Rob: I can- I can see Glenn's having-
Glenn: -[unintelligible 00:00:06] a bad fucking place.
Rob: Yeah [unintelligible 00:00:07]
Glenn: I hate that shit, pissed me off.
Charlie: Now, let me- let me- let me-
Glenn: Cause everybody can park closer to the column. You gotta get-- your job-
Charlie: For the listener at home, you couldn't find a parking spot in the garage-- in the basement. We're in a- we're in a building, editing, and the basement-
Charlie: -has some spots.
Glenn: If you're gonna take an end spot you gotta park as close to the column as you possibly can-
Glenn: -so that the middle guy doesn't have to park too close to the other end cause then you show up and there's either two cars that are parked too-too far from-- there's three- there's three spots, right? Two-two cars parked in the column and then one in the center-- wedged in the center, okay? Now, if the both people don't park close to the column, then there's no spot in the center. You can't get in there unless you're driving a fucking smart car or a motorcycle.
Glenn: So there were no parking spots that I could get into that didn't require me, you know, either being, you know, opening my door into a column or-- It just put me in a bad place.
Rob: Now-now we know-- I know Glenn well enough, as do you, but there are certain times that Glenn comes in hot and it's a fun thing that we can all joke around about because we can turn it into an episode or something like that. For example, the cereal-eating defense which we'll get into later.
Charlie: Sure, that's the best example.
Rob: And then there's sometimes not just Glenn, probably each and every one of us, that we come in hot and we realize let's not joke about that. Let's move-- just move on from it because I think- I-I think it might make him more upset, but not in a funny way.
Glenn: Well, it, yeah, well, it would make me upset if you guys disagreed.
Charlie: Well, I don't disagree that-that-that-
Glenn: Cause the thing is I can get my fucking car right up next to that column, right up next to it. I mean, like so close that most people would be nervous, because I know how to drive. Park closer to the column. When you park your car, think about other people. Here's another thing that bugs me-
Charlie: Was it- was it my car- was it my car that was not close enough to the column?
Glenn: Your car definitely was not close enough to the column by the way. Uh, but the-the-
Charlie: I was the-- I was first one in this morning and I backed my car in-
Glenn: Yeah, backing it in-
Charlie: -and I tried to get it super close to the column.
Glenn: Backing it in you can actually get it closer to the column because you can-- it's harder. You can't see the- you can't see the side of the car as well, uh, when you're going forward, but when you're going backwards, you can see the side of the car in the rearview-- in the side mirror.
Glenn: So you can get like crazy fucking close to the column with that side mirror. [chuckles] Oh, man.
Charlie: See, any closer to the column, and I was thinking about this when I was backing it in. I was actually thinking I should get pretty close to that column-
Charlie: -so there's room in the space-
Charlie: -next to me. It crossed my mind. But in my mind-
Glenn: That's right.
Charlie: -I was like, "Okay, I'm pretty damn close-
Glenn: There's no-
Charlie: -a-any closer would be reckless."
Glenn: Yeah, I don't know. I'd have to take a closer look to it. But when-when-when-when I park in-in-- when I park it closer to the column-
Charlie: I say [unintelligible 00:02:46]
Glenn: -cause it's the same thing [inaudible 00:02:47]-
Rob: I by the way I say we pause-
Glenn: my mirror-
Rob: -I say we pause the podcast and-
Charlie: And-and go-go measure how close I am to the column?
Rob: -we should go down there and take a look. Maybe we should go down there and take a look.
Glenn: All right, let's go. Let's go.
Charlie: Let's go. Let's go.
Rob: Wow, listener, okay. We've got a lot to talk about.
Charlie: All right.
Rob: We went down to the garage.
Glenn: Oh, to the parking garage to investigate the situation and pick up some data points, um, you know, and Charlie, do you wanna defend yourself?
Charlie: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Not only am I reasonably parked and I think Rob will back me up, um, I'm beyond reasonably parked to the point where I was overly cautious that you know, there's two white guidelines that you're supposed to park your car in between. Not only am I over the white line as close to the pole and your argument is I could even get further past that white line and even-
Charlie: -closer. But I am more close to the pole than I am the other line on the other side of the car. So we measured about 16 inches from the pole, which is too far for you, and-and about-- so about 25 inches from the next line.
Charlie: And then there's the line-- beyond that line there's the next parking spot. So I probably could've gotten closer to the pole, but to me, like my car starts beeping at about 13 inches.
Glenn: You also- you also don't need- you also don't need to. Those particular spots are a little bit wider than the other spots so-
Charlie: That's true.
Glenn: -where you got, which also comparatively speaking, you-you-you did park closer to the pole than everyone, except for one other guy who got, uh, what did- what did we? That guy who got- that guy-
Charlie: That guy got 10 inches from the pole.
Glenn: Is it 10?
Rob: 10 inches.
Charlie: So I was-
Rob: Or that- or a lady- or a lady, let's be fair.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: [unintelligible 00:04:31] or a lady yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: We wanna tend to be more courteous in the matter. There's a-
Rob: -very strong possibility that that that's a lady. The question is, um, what are we- what are we assuming are the basic guidelines and/or laws of parking? For example, to Charlie's point, isn't it generally assumed that those lines, cause you said something very interesting and telling. Charlie said, "I'm over the line on one side." Meaning-
Rob: -I'm too close to one line. I'm over one line and too far away from the other line, thus proving that I parked as close to the pole as I could. And you said, "Those lines don't mean anything."
Glenn: It's not that they don't mean anything-
Rob: This seems likes cha-chaos to me.
Glenn: No-no-no. When you're dealing with compact spots, you now, by the way, you know, for listeners who don't live in Los Angeles or-or New York or some large metropolitan city where parking is just not an issue, you guys probably don't even know what the fuck we're talking about, right? Cause there's plenty of parking where you live, uh, and that's great for you. But in Los Angeles, uh, people who design parking garages they love-
Charlie: That's real elitist of you, man to think that-
Charlie: -that parking problems aren't a problem for everyone, man.
Glenn: They're not. Uh, I-I'm from Montgomery, Alabama, you can- you can-
Charlie: You can park anywhere.
Glenn: -park on the grass if you want.
Charlie: Just park in the field.
Glenn: Yeah, just park in the field and-
Rob: That's awesome.
Glenn: -you're good to go. Yeah, it's great. Um, but in-in Los Angeles they love to design parking garages where, uh, the vast majority of the spots are for, "compact cars." I don't know what they're thinking because most cars are not compact so to me, they're just getting greedy and trying to create as many parking spots as they possibly can. That's where the whole like line thing is just kinda like, well, okay, I know these are super small spots so regardless of where the line is, I gotta park as far over as I possibly can to make room for the other cars. That's it. That's it.
Charlie: Well, okay. So, another interesting thing-
Glenn: Nobody's-nobody's coming down there giving you a ticket cause you parked a little over the line, you know what I'm saying?
Charlie: Uh, another interesting thing. Well, I will say when I parked this morning, I parked-- I thought, you know what? I'm gonna try to get close to that pole, make a little room on the other side, which is what you're hoping for. It's what you're getting-
Charlie: -angry about. You're thinking that people aren't considering that.
Glenn: Yes, yeah.
Charlie: And-and on top of that I being like-- when I got out of the car I was like, yeah, that's about as close to the pole as I feel comfortable with getting in and out of but my car is small and I- and I don't-- I, A, don't really worry so much about the lines but-- I mean about parking.
Charlie: But I, B, don't care so much about the way other people park.
Glenn: No. It's true.
Charlie: And so-
Glenn: Yeah, it's an obsession of mine.
Charlie: If it's an obsession of yours, I would suggest getting a smaller car.
Rob: Yeah, because okay in terms of justice-
Rob: - for-- I-I-I would say that you are parked directly next to somebody who has like a Honda, right? I think it was a very small car.
Glenn: Yeah, maybe- yeah, maybe.
Rob: Now, let's just say theoretically, that person wasn't parked as close to the pole as you would've liked them to-
Rob: -couldn't they just as easily turned around to you and say, "Hey, I purposefully picked a car that is actually a-a drivable and livable car for the city of Los Angeles-
Rob: -because it's so fucking packed here.
Rob: You chose a car that's twice as big as everybody else's car.
Glenn: But you don't know why I chose that car. You don't know why I need that car.
Rob: Okay, but-but you don't know that somebody willfully, like to Charlie's point who he just said, he actually did try to park as close as he felt comfortable to the pole-
Rob: -meaning like this was not something that slipped his mind or he just didn't give a fuck-
Rob: -he did his best. He did his best.
Glenn: I don't know if he did his best, but he definitely- he definitely considered it.
Rob: He definitely considered it and I do appreciate that-
Charlie: I mean I was the- I was--
Rob: -and I can also understand getting frustrated when somebody's accusing you of not doing something that you specifically actually tried to do.
Charlie: Well also, you know I gotta say you look at your car and it's over the lines on both sides even when it's perfectly parked.
Glenn: Cause it's a compact spot. Cause every spot in that garage is a compact spot and not everybody has a compact car.
Glenn: My car's, you know, my car's not that big, it's big-
Charlie: No, you're not driving around in a- in a Ram truck but, you know-
Glenn: No, but what if I did? What if I had a Ford F150 cause I'm hauling shit around all the time? I couldn't even park in the garage.
Charlie: No you couldn't.
Charlie: And then you-you'd have to take that in consideration before you got frustrated. You'd be like, "Okay, I've made the choice to get something that is not gonna fit anywhere so--"
Rob: If you were living in Montgomery, Alabama it wouldn't be an issue, but you live-
Rob: -in a major, major jam-packed full metropolitan area.
Rob: So maybe every once in a while you're gonna run into issues where parking is a problem.
Glenn: But I can't-- but the thing is like I can't fit my two kids, uh, all their soccer buddies and their friends from school and my dogs all in a car if it's small, I just can't. You know what I mean? Like I don't- I don't wanna drive an SUV, I don't. I'd rather drive a smaller car, but I can't. I-I mean, it's not practical for me for my lifestyle.
Rob: All the problems with the- with the climate, why are you having so many children, Glenn?
Glenn: I only have two kids.
Rob: That's a- that's a lot of children.
Charlie: What about dog methane? Aren't dogs giving off-- dogs are off-gassing like crazy.
Glenn: I think you're thinking about cows.
Charlie: All right we're.
Glenn: By the way my dog-- I rescued my dogs, so I didn't breed my dogs, I didn't, you know what I'm saying? I rescued them.
Glenn: Did you rescue the children?
Charlie: Were they drowning?
Rob: Did you rescue-- Did you adopt your children?
Charlie: You rescued them from. Uh, all right, so what we've learned is that unfortunately we settled a dispute without a ton of fireworks and that's why we've lasted as long as we have. But the characters in this episode do have a ton of fireworks and that's where the comedy comes from. Segue, let's talk about the show.
Rob: You wanna talk about Mac bangs Dennis' mom.
Charlie: Yeah, I love this one.
Glenn: I did too. I really enjoyed it. Mac loves it. This was the first episode you and I-- you-- episode that you and I wrote together, Charlie.
Charlie: Yes. And for clarity's sake, we would always sort of sit down and outline the-
Charlie: -things together, the three of us. And then we would say, all right, someone goes off to draft. And Rob would take a draft-
Charlie: -or I would take a draft or we'd do it together. And this was the first one that you and I went off on and I-I feel like, you know, we had some success with this one.
Glenn: Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. I mean, and it's not as if, you know, again, like Charlie said, like we're all very involved in the- in the conceiving of the story and the breaking of the story and the outlining of the story. So it's not as if we came up with it, you know,-
Charlie: No, no, no.
Glenn: -whole cloth. Is that the saying?
Glenn: Yeah. Uh, but-but I was pretty proud of our execution and, um, and we- and we created the character of Mac's mom, which I'm also very proud of.
Charlie: A lot- a lot of first in this on, Charlie Work-
Charlie: -first time that came up and that-
Charlie: -sort of, we just took the character in that direction after that moment.
Glenn: Yeah, you-you-you had a- you had a parti-- so my-- one of my wife's favorite moments in the entire show is in this episode and it's you, Charlie. It's after Frank leaves you in charge in that back office and he walks out and you're like, "Yeah, no, I got it. I got it." He's like, you know, he-he walks out, you sit down on the desk, you pick up the calculator, you look at the calculator and you're like, "What are you?"
Glenn: And that is- and that's one of Jill's favorite moments.
Glenn: And that kind of thing sort of became where we took your character out-
Charlie: That's right.
Glenn: -the direction we took your character.
Charlie: That level of stupidity-
Glenn: Not knowing what a character he was.
Charlie: -got locked in there.
Glenn: Yeah, and that was just an improv, that wasn't in the script. That was just something you did.
Glenn: And that was, uh, it was very funny.
Charlie: Um, seeing off the set a lot in this episode-
Rob: -so many-
Rob: -I mean, it's literally looking directly up into light.
Glenn: Come on.
Charlie: When-when you- when you come into the back office.
Rob: Back office. In the back office- in the back office.
Charlie: Back office, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, I do remember that.
Charlie: But I noticed it and I didn't bring it up. I noticed in one of the other episodes we-- like a few episodes ago. But, um,-
Rob: How about this? When Mary and Elizabeth-- when-when the waitress walks into the bar at the-- in the final scene, the-the first time she opens the door and we-
Rob: -look out and there's a brick wall-
Charlie: [chuckles] yeah-yeah-yeah, that's--
Rob: -that's just out there. Then it cuts to us, then it cuts back to her-
Charlie: And the-and the wall is gone.
Rob: -and it's just gone.
Charlie: What-what-what was happening there?
Rob: I don't know.
Charlie: Wasn't there- wasn't there anybody who was in a position to say hey, you young kids let's-let's-
Charlie: -let's get some sort of-
Glenn: Yeah, there were a lot of people in that position and they didn't do it.
Glenn: I'm not sure what happened there.
Charlie: Let's blame someone else.
Charlie: Um, yeah. Uh, boy, I took a bunch of notes and-
Glenn: Oh, you took some notes?
Charlie: -I can't- I can't read a single one.
Glenn: Oh, boy, Charlie's putting on some big Frank Reynolds glasses right now.
Rob: Maybe you should put-put-- you should have had those glasses on when you parked.
Glenn: Oh, shit. Do you need parking glasses? Do you need parking glasses?
Charlie: And maybe-maybe you guys should put some glasses on when you buy cars, you know.
Charlie: Yeah, what the hell.
Rob: I'm on your side.
Charlie: I'm going back. I'm not-
Rob: I-I'm on your side, I was just-
Charlie: Yeah, you were just doing a joke.
Rob: -yeah, I was doing a joke.
Rob: [unintelligible 00:12:50]
Charlie: But then-- but now the listener at home thinks that I parked poorly-
Rob: No-no you parked really-- you parked very well.
Charlie: -and I parked very well.
Glenn: No-no, let me- let me say- let me say for the record, Charlie, you did not park that badly.
Charlie: Thank you.
Glenn: You really didn't. I would argue you could have gotten closer but I appreciate that you tried and you did get pretty close considering, you know what I mean? And also those spots don't require it as much. Those are just like two of the biggest spots down there, I don't know why.
Charlie: I will think about it even more.
Glenn: I cant believe we're talking about this again.
Charlie: Here's what I'll do. I'll-- If I get to the offi-- the place early in the morning, I'll get close as shit to that- to that pole, and then I'll see if there's a cone around. I'll pop a cone in the spot, I'll save it for you.
Glenn: Oh shit. Well, I was gonna have Ross-- I was gonna have Ross put my name on a spot. That's what I'm gonna do.
Charlie: Guys I can't read any of my notes.
Rob: Well, do you know Sean Levy's got a spot down there.
Charlie: In this building?
Rob: Yeah, because the-the-- right next door they're doing a Netflix movie-
Glenn: He's got the best spot.
Rob: He's got the best spot, right?
Rob: So I texted him and I said- I said, "This is a phantom spot, isn't it?" And then he wrote back, "I'm in New York."
Rob: I said, "Are you coming back any anytime soon?" "No." It's a phantom spot-
Glenn: Oh, man.
Rob: We should take that spot.
Glenn: We should take that spot. There's never-never anybody in there. So yeah, that's-that's not a-
Rob: They're waiting for Sean to come, he's not going to come.
Glenn: No-no. Why would he? He's got- he's got other things to do than to be at this random building in Studio City.
Charlie: I used to park in Vin Diesel's spot, uh, when I went to go to Jason Bateman's office cause he had a spot there and I was like, he ain't coming in here so I just parked in his spot every day. But it would-would've been really interesting if he did.
Glenn: Who the fuck-who the fuck parked in my spot?
Charlie: That's pretty good, man. That was pretty good.
Glenn: You gotta be fucking kidding me. Who parked in my spot?
Charlie: Um, what else do we have? Uh, I can't read my notes. This is- this is gonna be-
Rob: Just for the listener at home, Charlie's just staring at this piece of paper.
Charlie: I can't read a thing. Uh, this is my last time writing notes I'm not doing it, again.
Rob: Can I see if I can-
Charlie: No-no-no cause I don't know
Rob: Let me see if I can-- if I know your handwriting. I know your handwriting pretty well.
Charlie: It's on-- it is on a cra- like cranium, uh, from the board
Glenn: From the board game?
Charlie: Yeah, I don't know how I have this, but I did.
Glenn: That is fucking hilarious.
Charlie: Oh, first time we shot in Guigino's, is this correct? The-the-the lunch date-
Charlie: -that Danny goes on?
Charlie: What other scene do we have it in?
Glenn: We use it in Gun Fever, uh-
Charlie: Oh, you're right.
Glenn: -Colin is on a date with Sweet Dee.
Charlie: But I love that scene. And then Danny's daughter comes over and he leers at her, which was odd.
Rob: All very strange.
Glenn: So strange.
Rob: So strange.
Glenn: That's Lucy DeVito playing the, uh, the waitress that he ogles.
Charlie: But if you don't know it's Lucy, then it's not that strange. But we-
Charlie: -wanted to give Lucy a part and we only had that one left and we said, all right, you wanna do this?
Rob: Oh-oh so the song. Okay. So-so we're on set that day, uh, and in the scene where Frank and Mac go to the disco tech-
Rob: -to meet some ladies.
Charlie: Yeah, this is the best.
Rob: And what is in the script is that, he's got a move-
Rob: -like a very specific move-
Glenn: The move.
Rob: -that he's dancing to. And then we're doing the scene and at one point this-this is not scripted, he goes back onto the dance floor and he says, "Hey ladies, I'm Frank, remember?" And then he goes, "Go, go for it."
Glenn: And he starts doing the move.
Rob: He starts doing the move and singing "Go for it, go for it."
Glenn: And we were like, "What the fuck is he doing?"
Rob: We had no idea what he's doing, why he's saying that or whatever, cause there's no music that's actually playing.
Rob: And then in post we thought it was so funny, but we were like, "What if we wrote and recorded a song that we sung-
Rob: -that he-- and that's actually us. That's-that's-that's me singing and You and I, yeah, you and I singing.
Charlie: So what happened, when we found the disco song, right?
Charlie: -we were like, "Oh, this disco-
Charlie: -song works really fun for this scene." And then when we were posting it, we were like, "Wouldn't be funny if he was singing along the thing-
Charlie: -and-and we sort of riffed on it. And I was very jealous that when we went to go do the recording of that, I was-- I had left for my honeymoon.
Glenn: Yeah, I knew there must have been a reason why you weren't on that track.
Charlie: That's why I wasn't on it. That's why it's you two guys-
Charlie: -which always moan-- yeah, cause I would've liked to have sung-
Charlie: -"go for it" as well.
Rob: Well, here's a question for you guys. Have you ever banged somebody's mom?
Glenn: Well, yeah.
Rob: Yeah, you have. Your wives, yeah
Charlie: I mean so-so have you really?
Charlie: My-my child's mom. Yeah, sure.
Rob: Yeah-yeah. That's not what I mean though.
Rob: Uh, what I mean is to-- have you ever banged-- did you ever bang a friend's mom?
Charlie: No, of course not.
Charlie: Did you?
Glenn: No, no, no. I wouldn't have wanted to. There weren't- there weren't any that-that I wanted to, you know what I mean?
Charlie: I would say they wouldn't have wanted to when it came to-to-to me.
Glenn: Yeah. They-they-they probably wouldn't have wanted to with me either, but I-
Glenn: -I-I didn't want to with them.
Rob: We are starting to get to that age though, where our children will be, you know, like-- in like six or seven years, they will be like of the age where they're starting to have sex.
Rob: And then I-- as we all remember like late-late in high school, um, and-and then we would, you know, be around other people's parents but you thought of them as sexual object-
Rob: -in any way, shape, or form.
Glenn: I didn't.
Rob: But, um, do you think that your children's-- do you think that your children's friends are gonna wanna have sex with Jill?
Glenn: Uh, I think so.
Charlie: Biologically? Sure. Yeah-yeah, sure. The ki-- the little teenage boys are so horny.
Rob: Yeah, but I don't remember ever feeling that way about any of my friends' mother.
Glenn: Well, cause you didn't grow up in Los Angeles where--
Rob: Eat fair.
Glenn: Yeah. I mean, women look.
Rob: Well, I'm not gonna-
Rob: I don't suggest-
Charlie: I don't know what you're talking about.
Rob: I don't know what you're talking about.
Glenn: I don't either.
Charlie: People are very [unintelligible 00:18:10]
Rob: People are beautiful everywhere.
Glenn: Who's that- who's that person that just came in and started talking and started talking right on my mic? Get the fuck outta here.
Rob: I think it was, you know what? it was- it was- it was Spielberg.
Charlie: Okay guys, that was fine you got me.
Rob: Steven, can you talk about parking a little bit in this city because-
Charlie: I-I haven't parked a car in years. Yeah, you think I park my own car? I don't even have a car. Well, no, I have a fleet of cars actually I just don't drive them and I certainly don't park them. What the hell are you talking about, man? Come on, come on, come on.
Rob: How can Vin Diesel be so good and-and Steven Spielberg just be a complete [unintelligible 00:18:46]?
Charlie: What are you talking about? Are you saying- are you saying I'm doing a bad impression of myself? What are you saying? What are you saying?
Rob: I'm sorry, Steven, I'm sorry.
Charlie: Okay. It's a weird thing to say. Anyway, uh, but if I did park my car I'd like to think that I parked it pretty close to the column. You know, Charlie, gotta say?
Glenn: Well, thank you, Steven. That was, uh-
Charlie: Uh, you're right I'll-I'll-
Rob: Thank you Steven. Thank you.
Glenn: Thanks for popping your head in, you know, um,-
Charlie: -I'll-I'll make an even greater effort next time.
Glenn: Steven is editing his most recent movie in the same place as us and so we just kinda hang out and he pops in and every now and then and it's-it's always good to see him. I like him. He's a good guy.
Rob: He's cool yeah he's great.
Charlie: Do you think, uh, what do you think the chances are he's ever seen not an episode, but a scene from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
Glenn: I think they're pretty high. Yeah-
Charlie: A scene?
Glenn: -I mean, he strikes me as the kind of guy who likes to know what's out there and certainly-
Charlie: What-what people are seeing.
Glenn: -I think if a show's been on for 15 years, most people are gonna be like, let me just at least pop it in and they're like, why does everybody like this show? And then, you know, and then they'll be confused, uh, as to why anyone does. Unless they go back and again, and again, and again, and then maybe they get it, but probably not, you know?
Charlie: I bet- I bet not. I bet- I bet.
Rob: You-you don't think he's seen it?
Glenn: No. I don't wanna ask him 'cause I don't wanna--
Charlie: Not even a scene.
Glenn: So he doesn't even know who we are, and he's popped his head in on our podcast.
Rob: [crosstalk] podcast.
Charlie: No, no, he just likes podcasts.
Glenn: Oh, he does have a reputation as-as really enjoying podcasts.
Glenn: That's true. Three guys just talking - just talking and talking.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, [laughs].
Glenn: Yeah. That's high entertainment. That's high art. Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah. Um, what else guys? What else? What else do you guys remember from that episode? What, uh-- Should we talk about Sandy Martin? Should we talk about her amazing performances as, uh, Mac's mom?
Rob: Yep, and-and well obviously, we shot that in Philly. So we-we flew both-both, uh, Sandy and, um, Lynn Marie. Wait, is this the first time we-we met Lynn Marie?
Charlie:: No, 'cause she-
Charlie: -was in the molestation episode.
Rob: Oh right, of course, of course.
Glenn: I think it-it was-- I really enjoyed the, uh- the- [chuckles] the-- uh, what's the word? The contrast between me being like skeevy with her and her just being like super sweet and nice.
Glenn: And even when she's telling me that she doesn't find me sexually attractive, that she's doing it in the sweetest possible way because she's just a sweet, sweet lady.
Charlie: And when you're breaking down, she feels genuinely concerned for you, which is [laughs] really funny.
Glenn: Yes. There's a plate of cookies there, I believe.
Glenn: Yeah. Yeah, she tried to give me cookies about it, but I wasn't--
Glenn: You know, I-I wasn't having that, but, uh, yeah. Anyway, I love her performance. I love how she plays it. And she a-- she always looked like she could be your mom to me.
Charlie: Oh, really?
Glenn: Oh yeah, yeah. I-I think there's a-- I think-- I see a resemblance there. I don't know why, but it-- and it's just a coincidence.
Charlie: Made the connection in your mind and now it's real for you.
Glenn: I see it. Do-do you guys-- am I the only person? Like I-I think she looks like she could be your mom.
Charlie: I feel like she looks like she could be anyone's mom [chuckles].
Glenn: Nah. Yeah, maybe, I don't know. I mean--
Rob: America's mom. America's mom.
Glenn: She's America's mom.
Charlie: America-- she's America's mom.
Glenn: Have-have either of you guys ever dated like a significantly older woman at any point in your life?
Glenn: Yeah? What was the age discrepancy between you and this, uh--
Rob: 20 years.
Glenn: Oh wow. How old were you?
Rob: 20. Uh, I was 21 or 22.
Glenn: And you dated a--
Rob: She was 42.
Glenn: Oh wow. How long did you guys date?
Rob: We were, uh, friends that would hang out from time to time. Like it wasn't like there was like a- uh, like a finite amount of time where we were like, "Oh, we are dating."
Rob: We would hang out, go out.
Rob: Ba-- Yeah. Have sex.
Glenn: Yeah. Just have fun.
Rob: And she was really cool. Really fun, like awesome [unintelligible 00:22:24].
Charlie: Do you feel taken advantage of that though? Have you really-- have you worked this out in therapy? Like, you know, that's-that's an older person taking advantage of the younger person. So do you feel-
Rob: Well, she was an agent too, which is even-- which is interesting, and I was a struggling actor.
Charlie: That's a power abuse.
Rob: I wasn't--
Charlie: That's a power abuse.
Rob: I wasn't concerned about the power dynamic at the- at the time.
Charlie: No, [crosstalk].
Rob: In retrospect, um, no it was great. It was really fun.
Rob: It was really fun. And I remember even thinking like, "Wow, this is- this is nuts. Like--
Rob: But that's two years younger than, uh-- than I am now.
Glenn: I know. Yeah.
Rob: But at the time, you know, you're 20-- I was 22 years old.
Rob: But it was- it was fun. She was a-- she-she-she showed me a different New York City because I was used to experiencing a New York City the way that a 21-year-old does or a 22-year-old does.
Glenn: Yeah. just Irish pubs and shit tons of cigarettes.
Rob: She was like taking-- Yeah. She was like, "Take me out to restaurants and show-- like Broadway shows."
Rob: I saw a bunch of Broadway shows and that was really fun.
Glenn: Yeah. That side- that side of New York is fun. I-- It would've been fun to live in New York. Uh, I never lived there when I actually had a little bit of cash to spend. I was just-- I was always so broke. Like I would literally--
Charlie: Yeah. If you went into a nice restaurant, you were either applying for a job-
Glenn: Oh yeah.
Charlie: -or trying to like sneaky use their bathroom before they kicked you out.
Glenn: Oh. I mean, I would- I would go to this uh-- t-these like-- my favorite thing to eat in New York was burritos because they were relatively inexpensive and filled with, you know, nutrition, or filled with sustenance. Calories, I should say. Uh, but I was so broke that I would literally go buy a burrito. I would cook rice and beans at home 'cause they were cheap and like vegetables, and then I would go buy a burrito. I would bring it back to my apartment. I would cut it in half and use half the burrito with my rice and beans and like that would be my lunch. And then my dinner would be the other half. I couldn't- I couldn't afford to eat two [chuckles] burritos. I couldn't have a burrito for lunch and a burrito for dinner. I had to split it in half. That's how broke I was.
Rob: But did you have sex with an older lady? I thought that's where that was going.
Glenn: No. I was- I-I moved.
Rob: Oh, you transitioned.
Glenn: I wanted to talk about burritos now.
Rob: Oh, okay. All right. Sorry.
Rob: Well, this is what I was saying. Like this-- it's the difference between-- well, he-he turned it around, but he was legitimately upset when he first came in. But like not in a funny way.
Glenn: Sometimes I'm upset and I'm all fired up.
Rob: Like you were fired up about the cereal thing right at the-
Glenn: The cereal--
Rob: -at the time.
Glenn: Oh, yeah when I-- yeah.
Rob: But we were able-- there was enough-- there were enough comedy writers in the room.
Charlie: Oh no, that's not at all how that went down.
Rob: Did he not eventually come around?
Charlie: No, no, no, no. That's not at all how that went down.
Rob: Mm. Well, we have-- then we have to save that for that episode. I don't know. Do we?
Charlie: Do we?
Charlie: He was pretty-- he was-- you were fired up about it. You were genuinely upset. You and I were amused--
Glenn: My car was destroyed.
Charlie: Sure, you and I were amused by how upset he was.
Glenn: That's a fun--
Charlie: Not about--
Glenn: That's a fun thing to walk into, right? Your car gets destroyed, your brand new car. It's the first time I'd ever bought a nice new car in my entire life. I had a brand-- It was like couple months old. My car was destroyed, and I come in upset about it, my friends were laughing at me thinking it's funny.
Charlie: Well let's-- can we please clarify that?
Rob: Yeah, let's clarify.
Charlie: There's nothing funny about--
Rob: No one was hurt, number one.
Charlie: Nothing's funny about the fact that your car was destroyed. What's funny is that you were eating cereal while driving your car. It's just an amusing thing.
Rob: It was also the way that we found out.
Charlie: Yes. It would have been just as amusing if you had said, "I got in a horrible car accident." When I go, "Oh, that's terrible." And you were like, "Yeah, I was in the middle of crocheting this beautiful sweater."
Glenn: No, no.
Charlie: Like, "Wait, you were crocheting a sweater and driving a car?" Like-like, "Yes, but that's not why I got into the accident." So-so--
Rob: And you were very specifically upset about the fact that the interior of your car was destroyed, not the exterior.
Glenn: The-the exterior got pretty banged up too, but it was- it was the inte--
Charlie: I'm sure. And that--
Glenn: It was the-- but that's fixable. The interior--
Rob: If you came in and you were like, "I got rear-ended." No one's laughing at you, right?
Glenn: But that's what happened.
Rob: I know, but what you then continued to tell the story, and as you were telling the story, you were like, "Yeah, and the fucking whole interior's ruined too." And we were like, "Whoa, you must have gotten completely totaled." And you were like, "Well, no. I mean like, I gotta get all the vents cleaned because like all the-- all the milk- all the milk and cereal went into the vents and the air conditioning ducts." And we're like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, w-what?"
Glenn: Like whoa, whoa, whoa, what milk, what cereal? What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah. That's why it was interesting. But-but-but you genuinely were upset about it 'cause you've been in a car accident. And-and we--
Rob: And it was not your fault.
Charlie: And we left it--
Rob: That part was not your fault
Charlie: And we left it alone, but then you were gone, you were out of town for a vacation or something and it kind of came- it kind of came back up-
Charlie: -and then we sort of-- Rob and I went down the rabbit hole and then presented it to you after things had settled and you were receptive of it. But I think if in that moment we said, "Oh, that'd be a good episode." It would not have gone over well.
Glenn: Oh, I don't know. Well maybe. Yeah, I can't- I can't remember exactly. I do remember being very upset about it.
Glenn: I also remember- I-I also remember--
Charlie: You're still upset about it.
Glenn: No-no. I mean, look, I can get worked up about-- just about anything.
Just [unintelligible 00:26:56]. If that's what you're looking for, you-you can get it.
Charlie: And Rob, do you c-- I don't f--
Rob: [unintelligible 00:27:08]
Charlie: I don't feel as though you come in to work hot. Does Rob come in hot?
Glenn: No. He-he's a little bit more professional.
Charlie: You might be hot about some like work injustice. Like, uh, usually related to like, you know, on a corporate level. Um--
Glenn: Mm. It's a less caffeinated version of it because you don't drink coffee anymore. You know, 'cause when I come in hot, there's caffeine put on top of it and it's-- you know, it's intense.
Rob: Yeah. Well, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I-I get there from time to time. I guess maybe I don't start the day that way usually.
Rob: But I get there. I can get worked up.
Glenn: Do your kids drive you fucking cra--
Glenn: My kids drive me crazy in the mornings. Ugh, they drive me insane. They're so loud. They're so loud. I can't-- It's like I-I wake up, I walk downstairs and it's just immediately like just chaos.
Glenn: Chaos and fighting and s-- It's either- it's either, uh, screaming out of anger at each other because they're-they're fighting, or it's like screaming 'cause they're playing- they're playing annoying characters that they play.
Rob: Or it's the YouTube guy. The YouTube guy.
Glenn: Oh, that fuck.
Rob: That-- oh, that guy.
Glenn: Should we call him out?
Rob: I don't know. I don't know his name.
Rob: SSundee, ooh-
Glenn: Hey buddy.
Rob: -they love him.
Glenn: Hey buddy.
Rob: They love him.
Glenn: Go fuck yourself.
Rob: He's the Pied Piper, but I'll tell you, he could probably get your kids to do anything.
Charlie: Well, how about this, don't put your kids on YouTube first thing in the morning.
Glenn: Well, no, I don't.
Charlie: What do- what do you do?
Rob: No, no, they don't watch YouTube.
Glenn: They don't watch YouTube in the morning. No.
Charlie: What are you doing? Okay.
Glenn: But we do- we do allow them a certain amount of screen time-
Glenn: -and they choose to-- we're like, "Look, you get 45 minutes or whatever it is to watch whatever it is that you want." And we think-- we're like, great like they're gonna watch a-a movie, you know.
Glenn: Or like pizza and a movie night was like, great, we'll all sit around and we'll watch a movie together. But they wanna watch other people play Minecraft-
Glenn: -and do YouTube channels about it. And it's-- you don't wanna be the old man who's wagging his finger like, "Hey, back in my day, we used to watch--"
Rob: "We used to play video games-"
Rob: "-we didn't watch people play video games." Nevertheless, there's a few of them out there-
Rob: -that are particularly, uh, irritating.
Glenn: Well, yes. And also like it is still absolutely baffling to me, uh, that someone instead of playing video games would watch somebody else play video games.
Rob: Let me ask you this, did you get into a fistfight this weekend? An actual fistfight altercation?
Glenn: What do you mean?
Rob: I'm just asking.
Rob: Did you watch the boxing match on Saturday?
Glenn: I wish I had.
Glenn: Who played? Who played boxing?
Rob: It was the heavyweight championship of the world. It was Tyson Fury versus--
Glenn: Oh, nobody watches that stuff anymore.
Rob: Oh, it was massive, and it was an incredible fight.
Glenn: No, no.
Rob: But you watch boxing.
Glenn: But I used to.
Rob: You enjoy it.
Glenn: It was my favorite sport for a very long time. And I gave it up when I had kids because I just didn't feel like I had the time to keep up with it, so I just kind of fell off of it.
Rob: But you do enjoy watching-
Glenn: I love it.
Rob: -other people do something, right? So it's-it's a [crosstalk].
Glenn: Well, what are you implying?
Charlie: I would also say when we were kids and you went over to someone's house.
Glenn: Oh, I see what you're saying. I-I'm sorry I-- you're making a parallel between, uh, playing sports versus watching somebody else playing.
Glenn: Got it. Correct. I understand. Yes. Yeah, yeah,
Charlie: But also say when we were kids, you know, you go over to your buddy's house and-and you'd be playing Nintendo and someone is playing the level and it's like a one-player game and you're sitting there watching them play. And if they were good enough to-to beat the whole thing-
Glenn: You wanna see that.
Charlie: You'd probably be enthralled. You'd be like, Oh shit. Like you're gonna, you're gonna fight everyone and Mike Tyson and win like cool.
Rob: Yeah. They're also like learning things about how to navigate and like, I, I-I get all that. It's just that-it's just that the-the-the voice is very specifically.
Glenn: I also just don't like the manufactured enthusiasm. He's like, "Oh, he walk into a door. [laughs] He's here, he came in the room. He came in the room."
Rob: That's the guy.
Rob: That is, [unintelligible 00:30:59]
Charlie: Rob and I both had to take off our headsets and I feel like a few I feel like a few people probably stopped listening to the podcast, but that was good. [crosstalk] it's what's annoying about.
Glenn: That is literally what he sounds-- Have you watched this guy Ssundee?
Charlie: No, no, no, no, no.
Glenn: S-U-N-D-E-E. Look him up. He's the most fucking annoying man on the planet.
Charlie: I'm not gonna look him up.
Glenn: Fuck him.
Charlie: I'm not gonna look him up.
Glenn: Fucking ruining my kids, you fuckin' dickhead.
Charlie: Guys, do I come in hot? Do I come in hot? Do I have a-- the hot streak?
Rob: I've never seen.
Charlie: It's not my thing
Rob: You're not really ever really aggressive. You're passive-aggressive.
Rob: A little bit more.
Charlie: My aggression goes inward.
Rob: Yeah. No. Then it comes out.
Charlie: Comes out just like, it's like seeps out.
Glenn: Instead of like pouring out.
Rob: Yeah. Well, I can tell when you're upset.
Rob: But you're very rarely. Um
Glenn: Well, you're not moody. You're not moody. You're not a moody person. No, no. You're, you're upset. It's because of something very specific. I, I, I'm so, I-I'm so overly affected by all stimuli.
Glenn: Right. So if something makes me happy, I can get very, very happy. If something me off, I have trouble letting it go. And I see, I'm seeing this in my kids now too, and it's very disturbing. I'm like, I don't know if I passed that onto them as a learned behavior or if it's just in their genes but like, Isley can't let-let stuff go. He just can't let it go. He gets angry and he just stays angry for like 30 minutes. You're like, dude, we can-- you gotta let it go. You know what I mean? But I'm like, I do the same shit. I do the same shit. I don't know what that is. I'm like so reactive.
Rob: If you can figure out a thing that works on him, if you could let Charlie and I know
Glenn: So that you can use it on me?
Rob: So we can use it on you. That'd be great.
Glenn: You guys, like you do use my anger in the show. I mean, you use it all the time, right?
Rob: Yeah. That's [unintelligible 00:32:34]
Glenn: Yes. I mean, a lot of stuff gets written because, you know, any one of us is uh, you know, hung up about something seemingly insignificant or stupid.
Glenn: Or something that really, really bothers us. And we're like, well that's an episode.
Rob: And then we give it to Dennis. Cuz it's funny to watch you get angry.
Glenn: Yeah. I-I
Charlie: It's funny to watch anybody get angry, like all our characters is funny to watch.
Glenn: That's a-- just pure defense mechanism, guys. Like f-- because I get so worked up about shit and I-I realized at a certain point in my life I was like, well this is no fun for anybody. So, so I, I have to make it funny. In order to be able to get away with like ranting and raving.
Charlie: I need to rant. So let me make my ranting a joke.
Glenn: So let me make it kind of funny.
Glenn: You know? And, uh, now, uh, uh, I don't know if it's because it's actually funny or if it's just because like, uh, uh, it's now I, I don't know. I don't know what it is. I don't know why it's funny. I don't know why it's funny cuz it really is just me getting angry.
Charlie: Let me-
Glenn: Even when I'm playing the character, it's like that, that, but I mean, you guys have seen me actually where I'm playing the character and I get, you know, Dennis is ranting and raving about something that I'm not even upset about as a person. But I'm-- I've done the scene so many times, I've done like five takes of like yelling and screaming that it literally puts me in a bad mood.
Glenn: And I'm, I'm actually angry.
Glenn: You know?
Charlie: You've released those hormones into your body, you know, whatever.
Glenn: Yeah. And I can't come, I, I get stuck-- It's, you know, it's almost like I'm a real actor, you know what I mean? It's almost like I'm so in character that uh, you know, I can, I have trouble dropping the character afterwards. It's-it's almost as if I'm as good of an actor as say, Christian Bale. You know? It's almost like that. It's exactly like that. It's exactly like I'm as good an actor as Christian Bale
Rob: And yet you feel trapped on this TV show which only makes you angrier.
Glenn: Yeah. It just, [unintelligible 00:34:20] Why? I don't know how you guys
Charlie: Are you Christian Bale?
Charlie: Are you Christian Bale?
Glenn: I'm not actually Christian Bale.
Charlie: Doing a-- 'cause that would be an ultimate perfomance.
Rob: Christian Bale doing a Glen Howerton and we didn't even know.
Charlie: He's being doing-- there is no Glen Howerton. It's only, it's a character of Christian Bale's.
Glenn: Yeah. Oh wow.
Charlie: That'd be pretty sweet.
Glenn: Guys. Who would you want to play you in a movie? What actor would play you Rob?
Rob: Steven Segal.
Glenn: You know, he can't stand up anymore, right?
Rob: Yeah. Well, you know, it's like-
Glenn: I mean, I don't know by the way, I don't know. I can't say for certain that he can't stand up. I just haven't seen him stand up in 10 years.
Glenn: I don't think he can stand, you know, God bless him. You know, he's always shooting guns from the car.
Charlie: They can CG for that. They'll fix it. They'll fix it
Glenn: They'll fix his legs in post.
Rob: Yeah. They'll fix in post.
Charlie: I would hope that I could get the part, you know? Um, you know, I know it's tough. I know casting out there is tough, but boy, I feel like I can nail it.
Glenn: Well, you, I don't know if you're big enough box off of straw to play yourself.
Glenn: You know, maybe
Charlie: Possibly. "s-box" office is irrelevant now. You know, everything's-
Charlie: Everything's streaming. Spock's office. Spock's office is irrelevant. Box office asshole.
Glenn: Oh, you said Spock's office. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I don't know. I would like, Who's Spock? Dr. Spock. Mr. Spock
Charlie: Box. Don't pick up on every consonant.
Glenn: I don't pick up on every consonant. [laughs] Uh,
Charlie: Demand-- You're demanding perfection of everyone's parking, of everyone's words.
Glenn: Uh, I look guys, I'm fully aware of how fucking crazy I am.
Charlie: It's entitlement man.
Glenn: Oh, a hundred percent. You're right. You're absolutely right. Charlie, have I-- have we talked about this? Did you just-
Charlie: Get over yourself.
Glenn: No, you're you're absolutely right. You're, I-I did, I did kind of have that, uh, revelation maybe a year ago where I realized that most of the time I'm angry. It-- what it all comes down to is entitlement as I feel entitled for everything to go well and be smooth.
Glenn: And when it doesn't go my way, I get angry. And that it's totally entitlement. You're absolutely right.
Charlie: You weren't raised Catholic, so you-you didn't, you were somehow able to avoid the self-hate and feeling of worthlessness that-
Glenn: No, I always had a very high regard for myself.
Charlie: Yeah. See that's a bad thing.
Glenn: [unintelligible 00:36:42]
Charlie: You wanna really put, put yourself down constantly and then, you know.
Glenn: And then you don't get so angry about [crosstalk]
Charlie: No, you won't care. Yeah. You'll go into that parking garage and you'll like, "There's no available spaces. I must have done something wrong."
Glenn: God's punishing me.
Charlie: You know, and you won't get mad at someone else. You know, you'll just feel as though you weren't worthy of having a good space.
Glenn: Oh, I see. Is that-is that true of you Rob as well? Do you feel that?
Rob: Uh, yeah. I mean, no, I don't know if I feel it to that, to that extent. Catholic, Catholicism is a strange thing.
Rob: But definitely puts you in-- it sets you up for that.
Charlie: Yeah, sure.
Glenn: I-I reject that.
Rob: But I don't know the megachurch that Glenn was going to was setting him up for success either, was it? Maybe?
Glenn: No, no, no, no. Definitely. You're a piece of shit in, in the eyes of the church no matter whether you're Catholic or Protestant. But, uh, you know, you-- we're all born sinners. Right. We're all born bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
Glenn: And we need Jesus to make us good. Good, good, good, good. So we can go to heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven.
Rob: Money, money, money.
Charlie: And then do what?
Glenn: And then just kind of float around and, you know, and then live in your mansion there.
Charlie: The idea of having your consciousness for eternity-
Charlie: -is baffling. Like.
Rob: Meg just audibly sighed.
Charlie: Can you imagine?
Rob: Yeah [unintelligible 00:37:53]
Charlie: Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Um, guys, we did it. We did it.
Glenn: It's not, not our best, but we're gonna keep going.
Charlie: We got other shit to do. We have a show-- we got a show to cut together.
Glenn: Yeah. Let's keep trucking guys, let's keep trucking.
Charlie: Let's do it.
Glenn: Park closer to the column, everybody.
Rob: All right. Great.
Charlie: I'll give it, give it another go.
Charlie: Tape measure it.
Glenn: Be considerate. Be considerate.
[00:38:19] [END OF AUDIO]