On the pod, the guys revisit Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 2, Episode 10.
Charlie Day: [claps]
Rob McElhenney: [claps]
Glenn Howerton: My sound is weird.
Megan Ganz: Oh, is it?
Charlie: 'Cause you didn't clap, try clapping.
Glenn: [claps] I can only hear it in my left ear.
Rob: Maybe it's your ears that are off.
Glenn: Can you turn my right ear on?
Charlie: Do you still have your ear wax in? Have you been swimming?
Charlie: Do you remember the kids that would have to plug up their ears with wax to go swimming?
Glenn: No, they didn't have ear plugs for that?
Rob: Me, yeah, I had to do that.
Charlie: Was that you?
Megan: You can only hear, Glenn, you said?
Glenn: I can only hear in my--
Megan: Out of your right ear.
Glenn: Wait, hold, hold on a second.
Charlie: Is it plugged in all the way down there?
Glenn: Oh, look at that, no, yeah, okay.
Charlie: That was it, huh?
Glenn: Sometimes it's as simple as that, you know what I mean?
Charlie: Sometimes it's as simple as that, guys.
Glenn: I had a, our fireplace was not working, we have a gas fireplace in the family room, and we had a technician come out and check it out, and, you know, he was there for about 15 minutes before like, he basically just realized all I had to do was change the batteries in like a thing, like whatever the control is that controls the thing, it was just like, he just took the batteries out and put new batteries in, and I was like-
Glenn: -well, that's just embarrassing, but also really frustrating that like my, you know, when we had the house built, like nobody told me. Nobody-- I didn't know it had batteries.
Rob: Well, imagine going back only, I don't know, 30, 40 years to a different generation and explain to them that you need batteries to control your fire.
Glenn: Well, by the way, I hate it. I-I want, I-- you can't-- In California, you can't have real fireplaces anymore. It's against code. I would love to have a real fireplace.
Glenn: I would much prefer.
Charlie: I had a situation like that one, this is a little off-topic, but I was at a bar in Rhode Island, and it was wintertime. This was when I was still living in New York, so I hadn't driven a car in a while and I had my parents' car, and I-I was meeting up with Tim Roche, our editor, and some of my Rhode Island buddies. And, uh, I think we were watching a Patriots game and it was snowing, it was really snowing. I was like, "All right, guys. I gotta head out." And I get in my car and I'm trying to drive the car and I just can't get it to go. I can't get it to like, and the tires are spinning in the snow and I'm like, okay, I'm a little outta practice. I haven't driven a car in a few years.
And I'm like, I can't get it. And my buddy comes out, he is trying to give it a little push. Then a cop, uh, a cop sees-sees us and he comes over to help. And I'm like, "Oh, man, okay. Have-have I had too much to drink?" But I was all right. I was not endorsing drinking and driving. Maybe I had like a beer or two. But [laughs] enough to be nervous about it. So then the cop-- the cop's looking at me spinning, wheels are spinning out, now he is trying to figure out, he looks in the window and goes, "Buddy, is the emergency break up?"
Charlie: I did not realize that the emergency break was up. I was like, "Yeah, I think, uh.” I put it down. And I think because my buddy who owned the bar was like, uh, like a real local guy, uh, the cop was like, "Go home, get home." So I got home.
Glenn: Go home, stupid.
Rob: He let you drive home?
Glenn: Go home, stupid. Yeah, in the snow.
Charlie: [laughs] Yeah, I'm not drunk. Yeah in the snow.
Rob: Cut that, cut that, cut that.
Charlie: Cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that. Ey, you know, I really, I was legal. I was legal.
Rob: By the way, Megan, I notice that we say, cut that, cut that, cut that-
Glenn: You don't ever cut it.
Rob: -and then you don't ever cut it. [laughs]
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Yeah.
Rob: Yeah. I don't know.
Charlie: Our cut its are sincere, you know.
Rob: Sometimes. [laughs]
Glenn: Sometimes they are.
Glenn: I have a very similar story, actually, uh, Me and a bunch of my buddies were on acid, and we needed to move my friend's car and, uh, and-and he couldn't find his keys. So we're like, well, we'll just push it. You know what I mean? Like we'll put it in neutral and push it. And we couldn't figure out how to push it. It wouldn't go. We were like, "What the hell's going on?" It was in a driveway. It was on a- on a, uh, it-it should have very easily gone. And it was the exact same thing.
Charlie: Emergency break.
Glenn: We had the emergency break up and-- but we were all too. [laughs]
Charlie: Well, sometimes-sometimes--
Rob: Hopped up on acid.
Glenn: Hopped up on LSD.
Charlie: Yeah. Guys look I think what we've learned is-is sometimes the-the fireplace needs new batteries. Sometimes you're drunk or on LSD, and your emergency break is on. And sometimes you find out you have a new dad.
Glenn: Charlie, is this the first time we establish that you don't know who your dad is? That we actually talk about it? I can't remember.
Charlie: A lot of dad things. Is this the first time we meet Mac's dad?
Charlie: This the first time we meet Mac's dad, yeah.
Charlie: Gregory Scott.
Glenn: Gregory Scott Cummins. Oh my God, what a-what a treasure.
Rob: I mean, he's amazing.
Charlie: I knew it. I remember when we cast him, we watched a VHS tape of-
Charlie: -like his Reel. That's how long we've been doing the show. The casting sent over. Although-
Charlie: -DVD technology existed, but casting had sent over a VHS tape.
Glenn: All casting was being sent to us uh, via VHS tape at that point in time. So, I mean we auditioned a ton of actors.
Rob: Little known fact.
Charlie: Yeah. They would--
Rob: Somebody came in and read for us who went on to become a rather big star who read for that-- read for that role.
Charlie: Read for the dad?
Rob: Read for the dad.
Glenn: Read for your dad?
Rob: Yeah. And I think he got down to, I mean, there was so many great actors that came in, 'cause I think it was a really funny part and they knew exac-- and people got it and they-- and I remember him a pretty good job. I remember there was like three or four guys that we really liked.
Glenn: Yeah. I don't remember.
Rob: And I remember we called them back.
Charlie: My God, Who was it?
Rob: Dave Bautista.
Glenn: Get out.
Charlie: No, really? No.
Rob: Yes. Dave Bautista.
Glenn: I don't remember that.
Charlie: I have no recollection of that.
Glenn: He's way too young.
Rob: I would-- No, I definitely--
Charlie: He would've been too young, yeah.
Rob: No, no, Dave Bautista?
Glenn: Yeah, how? What is he, 10 years older than us?
Charlie: Age in casting is a thing, man.
Charlie: He's 52? Yeah, he would've been too young.
Glenn: Yeah, that's a bit young. And by the way, Gregory Scott Cummins, we had to age him up too.
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: I can't remember how old he is.
Charlie: Did you see the new [bleep]
Glenn: No, I haven't seen it yet. Is Bautista in that?
Charlie: [bleep] plays the-
Charlie: -villain and, you know, he's a very good actor, but like--
Glenn: Is he?
Charlie: Yes, he's a very good actor.
Charlie: Get the fuck outta here.
Glenn: He's definitely--
Rob: I like Glen mouthing it to me like.
Charlie: We're on camera.
Rob: There's cameras everywhere.
Charlie: Oh, dude. Don't do him like that.
Glenn: I'm aware. I'm aware. I'm an actor, I know where the cameras are.
Charlie: Anyways, he plays- he pay uh, the villain--
Charlie: Yeah, but there's a scene where-
Glenn: He plays himself, yeah, just with makeup on.
Charlie: -he plays himself with makeup on.
Charlie: And, you're ruthless, man.
Rob: I love it.
Charlie: You're ruthless.
Rob: He came in hot.
Charlie: Where's your Oscar? I'm sorry, where's your Oscar? You wanna go down to the car and get your Oscar or your Emmy?
Glenn: That's a damn good question.
Charlie: Your SAG award?
Glenn: Hey, listen, there was--
Charlie: Your Peoples' Choice award?
Glenn: There was a whole thing on--
Rob: There won't be any awards in there, but it will be-it will be parked perfectly if we went down there.
Glenn: That's right. Yeah, you want a parking award?
Rob: Oh, I'm gonna get that one.
Glenn: Off the record, I just-- I-I-I-I don't understand why people-- I don't think he's acting. I think the guy looks like, to me, he looks like he's shocked that he's-- he looks like he's constantly on the verge of like-like “I'm gonna be discovered. Like people are gonna figure out that I'm not really an actor.”
Glenn: I'm just weird.
Rob: That's how I feel.
Glenn: I'm just weird.
Glenn: Yeah, let's cut that. We're gonna cut all that-
Rob: Cut that, cut that.
Charlie: Cut that.
Glenn: -'cause the guy does not deserve that. I have not seen him give a good performance, but I'd like to, and I'm gonna watch that movie. So maybe he'll be great. I haven't seen [bleep] yet.
Glenn: See what I'm talking about?
Charlie: Look, you can't put this in the podcast.
Glenn: No, no, absolutely not.
Charlie: I-I-I kind of agree with you, man. I'm not a giant fan.
Rob: No, we-- we can absolutely put it in.
Charlie: No, fuck that. I don't want to tear a guy down.
Rob: Hold on, hold on. Wait, can I make a suggestion?
Rob: Can we put it in, Megan, but can we beep-- can we beep it and then put- and then put literally put like bat-- like bubbles over the mouths so you don't know who we're talking about-
Glenn: We're talking about.
Rob: -or what movies we're-we're talking about. There's maybe a way to cut that.
Rob: I mean, sorry.
Megan: Use that.
Rob: Edit that into the show.
Glenn: Yeah, okay, well, whatever.
Rob: Maybe don't cut that. Maybe don't cut that.
Glenn: What were we talking about?
Rob: So, we made a television show-
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: -and now we're at the end of the second season of it.
Rob: Right. And the episode's called Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad.
Charlie: I really liked so much of this one. I--
Glenn: I loved it.
Charlie: I loved just how sort of, you know, I loved the scene with you guys and your mom in the restaurant where Danny finds out that he's not the dad. Just the dynamic between you guys and-and Ann Archer-
Charlie: -and Danny's fantastic.
Rob: Every time I watch an episode with Ann in it, I'm like, "Man, what a great character."
Glenn: Why did we--
Rob: Why did we-- What happened? Why?
Glenn: I don't know, I mean, it was a good idea. It was a good storyline, it was an interesting storyline, but I think we really shot ourselves in the foot by killing that character because she was so great.
Charlie: I don't think we-- I would say this though.
Rob: We're not projecting that far into the future so we're just like, "Oh my God, what are we gonna do? This is a fun story, let's kill a character." And we don't realize the repercussions that we're gonna cost production.
Charlie: I-I will say this though, I think the show, as much as we try to not change it so much, it has to change, it has to move forward 'cause I watch every episode being like, goddamn it, I love that. Why aren't we doing that? And it's 'cause you can't just do that. You can't just repeat the same thing over and over and over again. So, you know, yes, we could have hung on to Ann Archer for longer, but we didn't.
Glenn: We only had her for one season. We only had her-
Glenn: -for one season.
Glenn: These foolish young kids who thought-- I mean, I thought probably the show would go maybe four years tops. So-
Charlie: Yeah, for sure.
Glenn: -maybe that's what we were thinking. I don't know but--
Rob: Well, Charlie wasn't thinking at all, when he- and neither-- none of us were when we wrote in-
Glenn: Oh, bad new.
Rob: -the bad new tattoo that you were gonna to have to wear that for 12, 15 years of your life.
Charlie: You know, there was a decision where we could have been like, nah, whatever, it was a fake tattoo, 'cause we cut the whole riff about it. There was a riff where you say, "What are you trying to do?"
Glenn: Oh right.
Charlie: And I'm like, “I'm trying to get hard.” And you're like, “What are you writing?” And I'm like, writing bad news. And you're like, “Yeah, but that's two words.” I also stopped 'cause it's hurting me too much, and we cut that, you know like just 'cause the episode was too long.
Charlie: And we cut the whole riff.
Rob: And yet kept the tattoo.
Charlie: And yet kept the tattoo.
Glenn: It's a fantastic tattoo, actually.
Charlie: It's a good tattoo.
Charlie: I've thought about getting it in real life many times-
Glenn: You should if you--
Charlie: -and I always have a little last-minute decision of like, eh, fuck it.
Rob: I like the idea that, um, that, ah, maybe this it feels like the first time where we have a major character who shows the complete opposite of the characters that-that are the main cast of the show, right? Like, a reflection of-of like who these characters could have been if they had good parents.
Glenn: Oh, you're talking about--
Rob: I also like- I also like that were showing who the with-- how these people became who they became-
Rob: Like slowly but surely.
Charlie: Well, they're very-- they're all still real people. They're-they're very bad and arched, but they are still real people compared to their new father that they find out is just to complete opposite of--
Charlie: A little thing, though. A little thing that I caught that, I loved, I remember doing it was, um, that we put in, uh, Clair de lune in the piano there in the, um, in the Guiginos.
Charlie: And it cuts out, like, as Danny's having his rant.
Charlie: And then it starts back in again just as if there's a piano player somewhere which we later establish there is a piano player-
Glenn: Yes, we did.
Charlie: -in the episode where the speech about tasting someone's asshole or something like that.
Glenn: Yeah, right. Tasting someone's asshole.
Rob: Just a little bit.
Charlie: Just a little bit.
Glenn: Just a little bit. It wasn't great but it was fine.
Charlie: But it was fine. [laughs]
Glenn: It actually cuts out, um, uh, when I scream, "I'm not banging my sister."
Charlie: Oh, that's what it is. Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I-I always thought that was a really, uh, really fun-fun choice also to have that cut out and then there's the pause and then it comes back in.
Charlie: Also and so the gunshots versus clicks when Danny is ranting and raving.
Glenn: I wanted to talk about that.
Charlie: Well, let's get into that.
Glenn: Let's get into that. So that was another instance where we got into an argument in the editing room. I believe both of you guys wanted to put the gunshots in.
Charlie: How do you feel about it now, 15 years later?
Glenn: I think it's f- fucking ridiculous.
Glenn: I absolutely 100% think that that is one of the dumbest things we have ever done.
Charlie: Oh, God. I got to that and--
Glenn: I fought so hard.
Charlie: I was like, that's so good. Why don't we do stuff like that anymore?
Rob: I think that was- that was definitely an example of where, at first, I remember being like, I don't- I think this is so dumb and then Charlie winning me over. And being like, "Let me just try it." I'm like, "I don't think it's gonna work." We left or whatever. He put them all in and I came and I was like, okay, he wins. That was so great and you were still in- uh, on the other side of the argument.
Glenn: First of all, it's not funny. Secondly, it's completely--
Charlie: Oh, first of all, you're wrong. It is funny. It’s hilarious.
Glenn: It's not funny. No, it isn't.
Charlie: It's-It's-It's hilarious. Not in so much the gun firing but then to dry firing after he's fired all the guns and it's just clicking away. It's great.
Glenn: It's not. It's not.
Charlie: It is. Rob agrees. And that's why it's in the show.
Glenn: You can't just shoot a gun in a- in a- in a giant building. And that there's no- there's no like debris falling from the ceiling. It's just completely wacky.
Charlie: Well, we didn't have a debris budget at that time.
Glenn: Right, but-- Right, right. Which is why we shouldn't put it in. It-It- It's-It's just so like, so wacky and broad.
Rob: And we did it in post.
Glenn: No one's reacting to it.
Rob: No one's reacting to it.
Glenn: No one's reacting to it.
Rob: Because on the day, that's-- Danny was supposed to-- Or Frank was just supposed to be clicking the gun.
Glenn: No, he wasn't even clicking it. He was just gesturing with it.
Rob: Oh, that's even funnier. So he was not even--
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were putting the little clicks and fires in.
Glenn: You guys, listen.
Rob: It's so stupid but it's--
Glenn: Thank you.
Rob: But it's funny.
Charlie: It's damn funny. It's damn funny. And I-I bet--
Rob: Maybe we should do a listener poll.
Charlie: A listener poll.
Rob: Can we do, like, a listener poll, Meg? Do we have the technology to do that?
Megan: Yes. We can do that.
Charlie: A listener poll.
Rob: Okay. Was that-- How- How do we pose the question, was the scene funny? What--
Glenn: No, not was the scene funny. The scene's funny.
Rob: Sure. Would-Would a gun--
Charlie: Is Danny firing the gun funny? Do you enjoy it? Or does it ruin the scene for you? Thumbs up if you like it. Thumbs down if you don't.
Glenn: I'm gonna guess that most people were like, "Yeah. No, it’s funny." Yeah, and I mean, um--
Charlie: Yeah, because most people know it's funny. You're the person who thinks nothing's funny. You don't think Rob's parking's is funny. You don't think--
Glenn: No, that was funny.
Charlie: The firing the gun. [laughs]
Glenn: It just made me angry, but it was funny.
Rob: What-What-What you said was which I love, you recognize that it was funny. But it didn't make you laugh.
Glenn: It didn't make me laugh. That's correct.
Rob: I understand that. I understand that.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah. No. But-But I acknowledge that it's funny. The- him firing the gun thing is not- is not funny to me and-and annoyed me this time watching it, too. I was like, this is the dumb-- one of the dumbest choices we've ever made. Like--
Rob: And we've done it a number of times again and then-- And every time Frank pulls that gun out, we do discuss like, oh wait. And Cha- Charlie's always the one who's like, "We should put a gunshot in," and then. Sometimes we do it and sometimes we don't.
Charlie: Yes, it's funny. He's so goddamn reckless with the thing that it's funny.
Glenn: To me-- Here's what I think would have been funny. If he was gesturing with it and you guys were like--
Rob: Yeah, reacting.
Glenn: Reacting as if like the man's waving a gun around, which is what would happen in real life. Uh, and then- and then at the very end, he, like, shot one into the scene. And--
Charlie: I-I agree that would have been funnier.
Charlie: But that ship had sailed. And there was still a way to make the scene just a little bit funnier than it was.
Glenn: So you admit it was just a little bit funner.
Charlie: Yeah. But that was what we're going for. A little bit funnier versus, uh, not so funny.
Glenn: Versus reality. Yeah.
Charlie: No. I'm not trying to make reality.
Glenn: [chuckles] Whatever. Let's move past it. I uh--
Rob: This is what it is like in the editing room still to this day.
Charlie: In the editing room, in the writers' room. This is the process.
Glenn: This is the process.
Charlie: This is the process.
Glenn: I love these guys. I really do.
Glenn: I love that we can do this.
Rob: It is insane that this is a profession. It's insane. What we do is crazy.
Glenn: To have an argument over whether or not to put a gun sound effect in and have a passionate argument about it.
Charlie: It's like crazy.
Rob: And step outside of it and be like, man, you know, like I got really upset about that.
Rob: You know what I mean? Like, you have to, like, take a breath and be like, fuck, man. I felt real anger over that.
Rob: Is the dumbest shit ever.
Charlie: Well that's--
Rob: It's so great, right.
Charlie: And the crazy thing about this right is, we're-- You are trying to find some kind of truth, right? You're trying to find some kind of truth. The scene feels real. The moment feels real for the characters. And that joke pushed it out of the truth for you, which is why you don't like it, right? That's that little sort of, uh, ticker you have in your gut that says this works, this doesn't work.
Glenn: Takes me out of it.
Charlie: Right. For me sometimes I'm like, well, there's the- there's the realistic truth, there's the comedic truth. You know like when you pitch that Sweet- that Sweet-- You would see Sweet Dee as an ostrich, you know. And I was like, well, that's crazy. I mean, like, wait, you actually think she's an ostrich when you see her? And then, you know, we're like, well, let's shoot one. Then I got to the editing room, I'm like, that fucking works great.
Glenn: I went-- By the way, I was 100% on board for that.
Charlie: Right. Right. But like--
Glenn: Right away, I was like, that is brilliant.
Charlie: Yeah, and I didn't see it. I didn't see that we could go that far. I was like, to me, it seems the outside of the-- I could see a man firing gun in his apartment. I can't see a man actually hallucinating an actual bird.
Charlie: Until I saw- until I saw in the editing room, I was like, no, it works perfectly. It works great.
Glenn: Right. Yeah. And that was-- Wasn't that-- That was a-- So, actually. Well, I mean, I guess we'll tell that story when we get to it. Um, but, uh, I mean, I remember we were doing a photo shoot. And that bird was there for the photo shoot. And that was the same day I believe or something that we were--
Charlie: It was Filter magazine and I wanna say that was the only magazine we've ever been on the cover of.
Glenn: Cover of.
Rob: Oh yeah. Well, we get a lot of offers now still to be-- We get- We do get offers now to be- to be on covers of certain magazines that we do-- That we pass on because-because we don't want to-- we don't-- Personally--
Charlie: This is news to me. This is news to me.
Glenn: Yeah. I'm- I'm not aware of these offers.
Rob: We've got-- Yeah. Well, we've gotten- we've gotten a few.
Glenn: A handful over the years?
Rob: But, yeah. But-But-But now we're at a place where, like, well now-- See, we needed you at a certain point. Like there was a run in the show for the first. I don't know, eight, nine years where we really needed the-the promotion and-and the publicity. And they were not there for us and then all of a sudden now, we are now promotion for them.
Rob: And like, so how-how does that seem fair? We're now-- We're gonna help promote your magazine when we- when we needed you? And the poor copy editor's, like, "I was 10 when this happened. I don't know. Oh, you're blaming me? I'm sorry."
Charlie: “I'm not aware of all these incoming phone calls that were passing on.” Yeah.
Glenn: No, yeah. “Who's-Who's passing on these things?” I-I--
Charlie: You guys--
Glenn: “Listen, guys. I'll do it.”
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rolling Stone. Cover of the Rolling Stone.
Glenn: “With or without him. I don't even care if he's in the photos. If he doesn't want-- If he wants to pass on it, that's fine. But don't–” You know? I mean.
Charlie: And maybe we would be if I wasn't putting gunshots in Danny's gun.
Glenn: Right. They'd be like-- They'd be like, now- now we-- Yeah.
Charlie: They'd be like, these fucking guys, aren’t taking this shit seriously.
Glenn: They're not taking seriously.
Charlie: Oh, man. Yeah.
Rob: Can we-- One thing, that I-I-I-I found- I found really funny, uh, about the show that was at the first time, and I already brought this up a little bit, but the idea that we're seeing for the first time how important parents are-
Rob: -like, parenting is. And how, like, the question of like nature versus nurture is coming up. Where, like, well, how do these people-- How are these people existing? Like, what led them to this place? And we weren't doing it on purpose and we were just like, desperate for storylines. But the idea of starting to see backstory and to start to see it and understand how these characters got to that day.
Glenn: No, we were absolutely-- Well, I mean- I mean to-to-to what extent? I'm not sure. But-But, I mean, in- in my memory, we were do- we were doing that on purpose. We were very deliberately, you know, showing what could have been.
Glenn: You know, had they been raised by Bruce Mathis versus being raised by Frank Reynolds. Um, and, uh, i- it- it's-it's really fun to watch that-that-- Those interactions with them, like, really trying to kind of fit in with him at first and then they go to the hospital, they just can't help themselves.
Glenn: She's stealing medication.
Glenn: We can't help but blab about which kids are gonna be, probably die. And should we say something or not? And all of a sudden--
Rob: You’re too far gone.
Glenn: Yeah, we're gone and we can't even-- We're like, these kids are dying and we're-we're, like it's, again, complaining about hospital food and the fact that it's too cold in this room and can we crank the heat up? Like, um-- [laughs]
Rob: Yeah. Yeah. But in the end, what's-what's great is that if you're watching the show at that point, it's because you get what we're doing and you're enjoying the characters. So that when you and Dee realize that like, "Oh, you know who never made us feel bad about, like, these kinds of conversations, Dad.” You're actually happy for them because you're like, "Oh, that brings them back to the characters-
Rob: -that we love."
Rob: And we love them for how repulsive they are.
Rob: Because we understand what the show is.
Rob: You know?
Rob: That's a-- But that's an interesting phenomenon that you're rooting for them, you're not rooting for the good guy in the story.
Rob: Right? Like do you remember the whole thing with Breaking Bad and how like, there was this huge backlash against um, Skyler?
Glenn: Oh, yeah-yeah, right. The character Skyler. People were disliking her like.
Rob: Yes. But she was the-- do you remember the-the shoe-- the show?
Rob: So she was the-
Rob: -and the wife in the show, and she was essentially the moral compass for like a while.
Rob: And people like actively hated her to the point where the actor was getting-
Rob: -was-was getting like publicly-
Rob: -like getting bullshit from people. And it was because the audience was like, "Oh, no, we know that Walter is like a sociopath who's turning into a psychopath, whatever and we're on board for that. That's the show, that's the promise of the show. So anybody who's like a good guy who's taking us aw-- away from who that character is, is like pushing us further away from the promise of the show.”
Rob: I don't know, I think that's an interesting phenomenon.
Charlie: Well, is it just as simple as you know, you're telling a story, you have a character, protagonist, right, they have a want, they have a driving want whether there-- that's a good want or a bad want, they have a want, there's something relatable in that to everyone and then the person who is obstructing them, uh, is annoying to the audience just the way that a-a person obstructing you from your want is annoying. Is it- is it maybe just that?
Rob: Yeah, well there-- I also think there's something interesting about empathy that's not necessarily like intellectual. Like if you--
Charlie: Wait, wait. Well, explain empathy to Glenn.
Charlie: Just sort of break it down like-like what the- what the feelings are and let's--
Rob: Okay, so for most normal humans--
Glenn: I have heard the word. I mean, I've heard the word, I just--
Glenn: That's-that's a feeling?
Rob: How about the idea that we're talking about MySpace?
Charlie: Oh, yeah-yeah, MySpace.
Rob: I mean, there's definitely right now a section of our-our demographic of our audience that doesn't know what MySpace is.
Glenn: Has never heard of MySpace.
Charlie: I gotta say I sort of felt the same way like watching the thing I'm like, wait, what was MySpace? Oh, yeah, right.
Glenn: Were you on-- I-I know you were on MySpace.
Charlie: I was on it, yeah.
Glenn: You were on it?
Glenn: Okay, I couldn't remember.
Rob: I wasn't on Friendster.
Rob: But I was on MySpace-
Rob: -and then I wa-- I've never had a Facebook account.
Glenn: But MySpace was fun.
Rob: Yeah, but do you remember that this was an era of the in-- internet, intranet, where, uh, Char– someone had set up a fan account and it was called CharlieDay.net.
Rob: Do you guys remember-
Charlie: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: A nice young lady-
Charlie: -who I think was like maybe from Chicago or something.
Charlie: Well, then here is the funny thing. She was a big fan of Third Watch.
Charlie: She was a big Third Watch fan and then tried to get into Sunny as Sunny happened and then I think, eventually, I must have gotten tired of me over the course of Sunny and being like, this isn't the- this isn't the sexy, drug dealer-
Glenn: Bad boy.
Charlie: -bad boy that I thought he was, this is a man who's eating cat food.
Charlie: And huffing Elmer's glue, this is not the guy for me, so eventually--
Rob: But that was a– I mean, that was really our experience with the internet and the closest thing we had to social media which was the only way we could tell how people felt about the show was going to IMDB.
Rob: Remember? And then [chuckles] do you? There were-- do you-- there were-- That would be like the message board, right?
Charlie: Do they still have a message board on IMDB? They must have dropped it.
Rob: They must.
Rob: But do you remember that we started--
Charlie: They dropped it, right, yeah.
Rob: Oh, they did, yeah, because it was toxic.
Charlie: Message boards are the worst.
Glenn: It was toxic.
Rob: But that was like the first version of a message board that-
Rob: -we had, and then we started-- Didn't you remember we started me-- We started messaging each other.
Glenn: Oh that's right.
Rob: So I started one that was like, "Hey, Glenn Howerton is a fucking dick, right. I hate his face."
Rob: And then I put it out there.
Rob: And then we were basically battling each other, but it was just like a gag to us, and then like hundreds of people started--
Glenn: Chimed in.
Rob: Chimed in.
Rob: And then we started and then it be-- it became not funny anymore.
Rob: To where you were like, "Oh, this is like personal."
Rob: And then we stopped reading them. And then luckily we just didn't have Twitter. It just didn't exist-
Rob: -so we didn't have to read any- anything about us.
Glenn: Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah. [laughs] Yeah, I mean, I was reading- I mean, I was reading comments on MySpace, but by the time, I don't know, I think I got off of MySpace like 2007, 2008, I was like done with it as was everyone else. [laughs]
Charlie: Yeah. What a thing, man, imagine being like the- in Tom, right? There wasn’t it Tom from MySpace.
Charlie: And being like, this is the-- it's taking off. This is gonna be the thing.
Glenn: Tom did great, because he- they sold MySpace to like Fox or something right or?
Rob: My friend. This is even crazier but then they sold it to Fox- Sold it Fox?
Glenn: Yeah-Yeah-Yeah, and then Fox was like, "Meh." Like, what was that? Like they could-- it was huge. They ki-- I feel like they could have really like rivaled Facebook with that. And they [chuckles] just kind of like.
Charlie: Not too late they might try to maybe [laughs] tryna-
Glenn: Revive it?
Charlie: -yeah, revive it.
Glenn: How much did, uh, old Tom make in that- in that deal? How much did they buy it for? Do you know? We gonna-- Meg's gonna look that up, I like that kind of stuff. I wanna know how much Tom made. I wanna know how much that was sold for because nothing--
Megan: $580 Million.
Glenn: Ah, seems low.
Megan: In 2005.
Rob: In 2005.
Charlie: Facebook must have been out there at the same time and he just got it out quicker, because--
Rob: So I have- I have become very good friends with the person who was the CEO and chairman of MySpace.
Glenn: Oh, was?
Rob: Was, and he was the one that sold it to Rupert Murdoch.
Rob: At Fox, and he told me the whole story and it's wild.
Rob: Well, he-- basically, he-he was summoned to Fox.
Rob: Because they were trying to figure out, like, okay, what's the next--
Glenn: “Bring him to me.”
Glenn: That's Rupert.
Charlie: He made a joke about Fox on MySpace.
Glenn: “I wanna know who this guy is.”
Charlie: It’s gotta have a..
Glenn: “Bring him to me.”
Charlie: “I don't want your jokes.”
Charlie: “I don't care who's fucking space it is.”
Glenn: Is he still my boss?
Rob: No, he sold it. He s-- so he sold us to Disney.
Charlie: Sold us to the mouse.
Glenn: Okay, who's my boss now?
Charlie: “Oh it's me now.”
Glenn: John-John Disney-John Disney?
Charlie: “So keep your trap shut.”
Charlie: “Fuck off, Rupert. I'll smack you around, Rupie–”
Glenn: “Fuck off, bitch.”
Rob: Don't you?
Charlie: “Aw, shucks. You stupid old bitch.”
Rob: Can we maybe do-
Charlie: “I’m a cartoon mouse. I’ll go forever.”
Rob: -Mickey Mouse. Mickey's talking. Mickey Mouse talking to Rupert right now?
Glenn: “How dare you.”
Charlie: [laughs] “Yeah well.”
Glenn: “How dare you.”
Charlie: “Listen now, you old fuck. I'm gonna buy this space whether you like it or not.”
Glenn: “It's chump change mate.”
Charlie: Is he Australian?
Glenn: Yeah, he's Australian.
Charlie: Oh, I thought he was British.
Glenn: No way. Noi. He's Australian.
Glenn: He's Australian, mate.
Charlie: How you going?
Glenn: How you going?
Rob: The scene in the hallway when we're walking having-- between Charlie and I.
Charlie: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah.
Rob: Where we're walking with, uh, with our new costume– outfit. Outfits.
Rob: I've ever-- I-I love that scene and I love bec-- because I love when the-- I love writing, acting in scenes where the characters are in agreement that like what they're doing is awesome but they're disagreeing about the specifics of it.
Glenn: [laughs] Yeah.
Glenn: They're both on the same page and in conflict over the details.
Rob: Yeah, whereas like the audience is maybe at first led to believe like what they're doing is ridiculous and that they recognize that. And that's not what it is, we recognize. No, we-we look awesome. It's just that you're buttoning you're not doing it right.
Rob: You're not doing it right. And I remember you had a very-- you were like, "I really want to do it with a top button down."
Rob: And I was like-- And I remember even when we were talking, I was like, "I don't know that that's the look." And you were like, "Well, that's what the she-- scene should be about." [chuckles] And that's what we would end up doing.
Charlie: Oh really?
Glenn: Yeah, I like you asking like is it-- was it bunchy?
Charlie: Do I look bunchy?
Glenn: Is it bunching? Or is it bunchy? That's funny. Uh, yeah, no, that-that-that-that scene's great.
Charlie: See, I like that look and I-I think that's a good look.
Rob: That is a cool look, it is.
Charlie: Yeah. I wish I can't, you know, I can't get away with it but like-
Charlie: -I like it, it's a good look.
Rob: It's a cool look.
Charlie: Yeah, it's pretty sweet.
Rob: I also remember not being able to–
Charlie: It's a nice silhouette, you know? Like the top button- [laughs]
Charlie: -and the flowy.
Glenn: [laughs] It's a nice silhouette.
Charlie: I- [laughs] I go up to those guys, "Hey, you guys, whatever you got going on here is great, man. You got a great silhouette."
Glenn: I really like this.
Charlie: You know what I mean?
Glenn: I really like this.
Charlie: I like this. I'm sorry, can you stand in front of the lights so I can see you in shadow? Yes, look at that silhouette.
Glenn: Look at that.
Charlie: Look at that.
Glenn: Look at that.
Rob: And how would resp-- a person respond to that?
Charlie: And what's- and what's going on with–
Glenn: Come on, man.
Charlie: Come on, man. Come on.
Rob: Just trying stuff.
Glenn: Okay, but for me-- Okay, so my-my favorite scene in the whole episode, I have to say is the scene where you guys quickly walk up to Bruce Mathis with the intention of bashing him.
Glenn: And then you freak out and peel off, leaving Charlie alone-
Glenn: -with him. That whole sequence was so funny and I wanted to ask you, 'cause I don't totally remember. Uh, I feel like you kind of came up with that whole repeating what he's saying back to him very tentatively like in the moment. I don't think that was in the script.
Charlie: I-- Doesn't seem like a thing we would've scripted, yeah.
Glenn: No, I feel like it was something you-- and when Steven Collins, the actor, laughs and te-tells you it's okay, that was a brilliant moment because that was him. I think that was him breaking but using it.
Charlie: Yeah it might’ve been.
Glenn: Do you remember him kind of la-- he's like it's-it's okay. [laughs] It's okay and he's kind of laughing.
Glenn: I think you-- 'cause you guys were-- you were breaking during that-
Charlie: I'm sure I was breaking.
Glenn: -'cause it was super funny.
Glenn: And Steven was breaking too 'cause it was-
Glenn: -super funny. And Steven was such a great actor that he just used it- he just used it and-and that whole scene is so--
Charlie: I feel like I remember Attius getting irritated-
Glenn: Yes. He was.
Charlie: -about us laughing.
Glenn: He was.
Charlie: Where he's like, "Let's go. Keep it together."
Glenn: Yeah. Attius, uh, Attius who again directed all 10 episodes and, you know, came from mostly drama, I don't know if-- had he really done any comedy at that point?
Rob: Not a lot.
Charlie: Not much, yeah-yeah.
Glenn: Oh God, I love that guy. But he was like, you know, he's like, "We're taking this seriously." You know what I mean? And--
Charlie: He was a damn right, totally right, you know. I think it helped too which is like, "Okay, good. Someone-someone is getting irritated, let's get through this."
Charlie: I tell you what? What I really like what-that is, Rob, your peel-off is fantastic.
Charlie: We are making a beeline and you fire out there. I kind of forgotten that you fired out there in that way 'cause you're laughing as I'm smacking you.
Glenn: Like that would’ve been good on a football field.
Rob: I'm laughing through the whole episode.
Rob: I mean-
Rob: -that scene.
Glenn: You guys are both-- I mean you're-you're-you're bre-- almost breaking into a full laugh at the end of that slapping scene.
Charlie: I-I could see on the corner of my face that I was like-
Glenn: Oh you’re smiling.
Charlie: -in a- in a smile. Yeah.
Rob: And it's also so clear that he's slapping me for real.
Glenn: Oh yes.
Charlie: Oh yeah, yeah-yeah.
Rob: That's not fake 'cause you were smacking me.
Glenn: That was also not scripted.
Rob: And it wasn't scra-- oh yeah, it wasn't scripted.
Charlie: Did I tell you I was gonna do it?
Rob: No, I don't think so.
Charlie: I just- I just tagged you.
Rob: Yeah, you just did it and so the-- And of cou--but not in-
Rob: -a painful way, but in a way that al-almost made me laugh.
Glenn: Yeah, you were like–
Rob: But the previous scene or two scenes before that where he-- where da-- where my dad is talking about or where-where you were talking about how-how full we were gonna be for you.
Charlie: Oh yeah.
Rob: How full it was gonna be. And that wasn't scripted. And I just remember not being able to get through that at all.
Glenn: Yeah. Well, that’s in the–
Rob: We have to cut immediately after you say the line.
Glenn: Yes. Yeah. Well, that's-that's all in the bloopers.
Charlie: That's in our bloopers.
Glenn: That's all in the bloopers, yeah.
Charlie: Also I gotta say just singing "Save the Children" I found-
Charlie: -so funny.
Charlie: Save, save, save, save, save the children.
Glenn: Well, here is the- here's--
Charlie: Which I think that was Steven's Band. Like he had like some band.
Glenn: That was, yeah. That was his band, yeah-yeah. Here's a fun fact. Uh, the girl that I'm hitting on in that scene is an actress named Yara Martinez and Yara introduced me to my wife, Jill, which you guys know.
Glenn: But people out there-they may not know that. They probably don't. Why would they? Anyway, Yara Martinez.
Glenn: Thank you, Yara.
Glenn: Thanks, Yara.
Charlie: Yeah, thank you. Thanks for the wife. [laughs]
Glenn: Thanks for the wife, Yara.
[background music tone]
Charlie: Do you guys have this, I have a moment every time I start one of these episodes where I'm like, "Oh my God. Am I really gonna rewatch every single episode of this show?" Not that I don't like the show, but just the-the-the undertaking just seems exhausting to me just 'cause we've already put so much thought and effort into these things and like to go back. And then by the time I'm done with the episode, I've-I've enjoyed going for that ride and that trip down memory lane.
Charlie: But I find the task daunting every single time I sit down to do it. And I just have a moment, just a flashing moment of it.
Rob: Its-it's strange because I bring it. I-I haven't been watching them with Kaitlin, which I should do, but I bring moments up in the episodes 'cause what happens is I forget them completely. And then as I'm watching them, they s-- I remember them so well because we spent so much time in the editing room on them, right? So then all of a sudden, it like comes flashing back. Then I go and exp-- and then I say, "Hey, remember that moment?" I say to Kaitlin. "It was so funny when you did this," she has zero recollection.
Charlie: Sure, of course.
Rob: Because she was there on the day and did it and then maybe watched it once.
Glenn: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Rob: That's it.
Glenn: Has she ever seen the show?
Rob: We don't s--
Glenn: Like I d-- every time I talk to her about it, she's like, "I–what, yeah. Oh, yeah, thanks."
Charlie: It's a different thing. Like there is a--
Glenn: Like she doesn't remember shit.
Rob: There was like a fe- a few years where we didn't watch. I-I was so sick of it by the time it aired that I don't know that we watched it.
Charlie: I don't think I would remember anything if we didn't spend all the time in the editing room.
Glenn: Have there been entire episodes that she has not seen?
Rob: Yeah, probably.
Charlie: [laughs] That’s crazy.
Rob: I know. And I used to get really upset by that. Or-or if she would be like, if we would watch- and maybe we stopped at a certain point 'cause we would watch them and then she would like get up and like go and-
Glenn: I know.
Rob: -do something with the cat or the dog or the-
Rob: -you know, what I mean? And I'm like-- and of course, this is the way people watch TV.
Rob: So you can't have judgment on it, but I'd be like," We put so much work into this and you're just getting up and just doing whatever the fuck?"
Glenn: You’re just sorta like half engaged.
Rob: "You know what, I don't wanna watch it with you."
Rob: "You're in the show."
Rob: "You're in the show and you won't sit down and watch you."
Glenn: Yeah-yeah. I-- by the way, I-- I'm not su-- you know, Jill says she thinks this sh-show is funny but I watch it with her and she's not laughing.
Glenn: Most of the time, like every once in a while, like this-this season-season 15, I don't think I heard her laugh once except for when we got to the episode that you and I were talking about on the Vulture podcast the other day.
Glenn: Uh, where you know, I'm talking to the castle and- uh, and I have-- I'm pinching off the cough and, um, you know-
Charlie: And that's a--
Glenn: -and you guys were singing in the pub and all that.
Charlie: It's a bad sign, well, then maybe--
Glenn: She was laughing a shitload during that episode. I was like, "Okay, so she does--"
Charlie: That's a great episode. But maybe we need to bounce our scripts off her before we shoot them, right? And if they make her laugh, then that's a good-
Glenn: I don't know.
Charlie: -she's a good barometer, like if we can get through to Jill.
Glenn: [sighs] She is a tough--
Rob: Well, can we get through you to Kaitlin? [laughs]
Charlie: I don't know.
Rob: She watches them and laughs but it's like she's half paying attention.
Charlie: Some people though, just don't-- they can't sit and watch a thing.
Charlie: It's not like for good or bad, it's just not their thing, they don't wanna sit down and watch something like--
Rob: I understand that, I'm getting to that point.
Rob: Like I can sit and watch a full-- I can watch like a football game, which I recognize is rid- is ridiculous, I understand, I certainly can watch a--
Charlie: But even that, you're not wa-- you're not sitting there watching the commercials like that. You get like little brain breaks, right? So you get like a two minutes of action and then you can go be on your phone or do whatever and then you're back in and--
Glenn: Are you paying close attention for the full three and a half, four hours?
Rob: Well, my attention is full if I'm watching what Americans call soccer, I can watch. There are no commercials so I'm watching that.
Charlie: Is that what you were talking about when you said football?
Rob: Well, no. I was actually talking about American football there because I'm not--
Charlie: Thank God.
Rob: Yes, I know.
Charlie: I got worried for a second.
Glenn: Don't do that. By the way--
Rob: Well, I have to do it to a certain extent.
Glenn: Again, for the record, it used to be called soccer in England-
Glenn: -as well.
Rob: I know, I know, but they get angry, Glenn.
Glenn: I don't know why they get so angry, they're the one who invented it-
Rob: I get it.
Glenn: -the damn sport and called it soccer.
Rob: I understand.
Glenn: Okay, all right.
Rob: I understand.
Rob: Nevertheless, I recognize how ridiculous to-- ridiculous it is to watch any of that, but I can sit there and watch it. I'm having a tough time sitting through- like sitting down to watch a two-hour movie-
Rob: -these days.
Glenn: Yeah. It's tough.
Rob: And it's not because my attent-- maybe it's 'cause my attention span but it's also because I got other shit going on, I don't know.
Charlie: Could be the movies too, and the movies just aren’t grabbing you.
Rob: Could be.
Glenn: I think everybody's attention span these days is much shorter than it used to be because of our phones and social media.
Glenn: Like to pay attention for 22 minutes, it's like, woo. It's a lot to ask.
Glenn: Let's see, what do you got?
Rob: I saw today that, um, we-we, um, somebody sent this to me from, um, they sent it to me and Ryan, actually, because on Hulu trending searches, the number one trending search was Sunny on Hulu.
Rob: On all of Hulu, and the second one was Deadpool. The third one was Deadpool 2, which I thought was interesting so that we have similar audience. And then I thought, "We're not getting paid enough."
Glenn: Right, because Ryan is very rich.
Charlie: But it's all like gin money, isn't it? Like uh--
Rob: Yes, I think he makes a lot of money for those movies though too.
Glenn: I think he pro-- Yeah-- no. Oh, no, we've been vastly underpaid, we know that, we've been talking about that for years.
Rob: We very pop-- Look, the more people that go and watch the show, maybe they're watching– maybe they’re rewatching it with us as we go, I don't know.
Glenn: Some people are.
Rob: They are?
Glenn: I had- I had somebody come up to me the other day and told me that they were-- that they just-- it was actually a friend of mine and, uh, you know, not s-- not somebody who was watching it for any other reason than they just decided to watch it again and, uh, who was it? Oh-oh, it was, Taran Killam.
Rob: Oh awesome.
Glenn: I was talking to Taran Killam and Taran was like, "I started watching the show again and then you guys started the podcast." And he was like, "It's timing up perfectly with me rewatching the show."
Charlie: Oh, that's good.
Glenn: Yeah, Taran is a great guy.
Rob: Taran's great.
Glenn: You guys know Taran?
Rob: Of course.
Charlie: I know Taran very funny- very funny-
Glenn: Yeah. Lovely guy.
Charlie: -very talented man.
Glenn: Lovely guy.
Rob: We've done it.
Charlie: Well, we're not quiet--
Glenn: We usually go a full hour.
Charlie: Usually, it's a full hour-
Rob: Well, how– what time is is now?
Charlie: -long conversation.
Glenn: We've got 10 more minutes. Uh, come on guys, oftentimes the last 10 minutes we get fired up and, you know, we get-- Let me get a little more coffee.
Rob: Okay. All right.
Charlie: Go get some coffee- go get some coffee.
Glenn: Get a some stretch. Let me get a little more coffee.
Charlie: Okay. It was right over there.
Glenn: This is gonna take me over the top, you know what I mean?
Rob: Can you tell me what's in that coffee? Is it just coffee? Is it-- what kind of special? Is there like an egg cracked in there? Do you have hot pepper? Is it brewed in?
Glenn: Why-why-why do you ask that? Because I am?
Charlie: Hot pepper and an egg in your coffee?
Rob: Is that- is that a crazy thing to ask? Now hold on a second.
Charlie: No, it's not- it's not a crazy thing to ask.
Rob: There was a moment in which-- where this motherfucker was drinking coffee that also had egg in it.
Glenn: No. Come on.
Glenn: What are you talking about? [chuckles] Coffee and egg?
Rob: Hold on a second, what was the bullet--
Charlie: Although coffee and egg?
Rob: What was the bullet coffee- what was the bullet coffee?
Charlie: That's butter, it's like a butter--
Rob: Explain yourself to me.
Charlie: It's a butter thing.
Glenn: Okay, well, grandfather.
Glenn: Bullet coffee, uh, which is otherwise known as, and actually known as bulletproof coffee, is, uh, is coffee and butter and MCT oil and sometimes coconut oil. There's different ways to make it but the main thing that bulletproof coffee is-- by the way that's not pepper, okay? And that might sound strange but like-- by the way, I never really-- I did the bulletproof coffee thing for like five seconds. It just absolutely-
Glenn: -destroyed my stomach.
Rob: Yes, I'm not--
Glenn: I hated it.
Rob: Yeah. I-I-I-- The reason I was asking was 'cause it's not that crazy to assume that-
Charlie: What happened?
Rob: -to go from butter to an egg, I don't know.
Charlie: No, you know what? I-I have coffee with my eggs all the time and I've never thought to like stir the eggs to- straight into the coffee.
Rob: Maybe you're missing out.
Charlie: But I could be missing out. I mean, that's a very common--
Glenn: I wonder if somebody has?
Charlie: Get some eggs, have a cup of coffee, that's-that's normal.
Glenn: I'm down to try it- I'm down to try it like, you know.
Charlie: Egg coffee or coffee egg?
Glenn: Oh, I bet, how-how about this? How about this, like you do some-
Charlie: Egg coffee.
Glenn: -some cold coffee, right, cold brew coffee-
Glenn: -put it in a blender with some ice, um, couple-- crack a couple of eggs in there, maybe put some butter in there-
Glenn: -right? And a little bit of honey, maybe to sweet-- well, no you can't do that, no that's pri-- that's kind of-- no but actually what--
Charlie: I also don't want my drink to be my meal, I like a meal-
Glenn: Oh really?
Charlie: -I like a drink, but I don't want my drink to be my meal.
Glenn: I would drink every single meal if I could.
Glenn: Every single meal.
Rob: Yeah, you don't really enjoy food.
Charlie: I wanna be chewing and, you know that's--
Glenn: Chewing's a-a-a massive waste of time and energy.
Charlie: You want-you wanna--
Glenn: I wanna mix it with my saliva and swallow it, that's it.
Charlie: That's it. Well, the way you chew it is a waste of time though.
Glenn: I do chew a lot.
Charlie: Do you-you--
Rob: There's a lot of chewing.
Charlie: There's a lot of chewing-
Rob: Lots of chewing.
Charlie: -and there's compartmentalizing of the food.
Glenn: [laughs] It's true, I hate the way I eat.
Charlie: It gets- it gets chewed, goes into a lower corner, it sits there for a while while something else is chewed and moved up into the top of your mouth, then at some point it swirls together.
Glenn: It's-It's a factory.
Glenn: Assembly line.
Charlie: Yeah, it's an assembly line. [laughs]
Rob: It's something I would--
Glenn: It's an assembly line.
Charlie: -you're separating the egg from the salt in your mouth somehow.
Charlie: Because you've learned what? It will metabolize faster.
Glenn: You're so right.
Rob: You are turning food into a liquid in-
Glenn: I am-
Rob: -your mouth before it's being swallowed.
Glenn: I'm liquefying it.
Charlie: You are liquefying it.
Rob: Like you wha-- but what's so great about you too-
Charlie: Your mouth is the ultimate blender. [laughs]
Rob: -and I love it, about- I love it about you is that you read somewhere, you know, years ago-
Charlie: Oh God.
Rob: -that if you chew your food a thousand times per bite, that it actually was better for your body-
Glenn: No, I've been knowing that.
Rob: -no, but I appreciate that.
Glenn: No, I've been doing that since I was a kid, I swear to God. I was always amongst my friends, God, I'm crying. My friends when we were kids would-would wolf down their food, like we'd go to McDonald's and they'd eat their hamburger in like two bites. And I'd be sitting there chewing forever and they were like, "Let's go, man, we gotta-- like we gotta ride our bikes across the train tracks again," Or whatever the hell it was we were doing back in the day. And I just couldn't-- I just chew- I just chew and chew and chew.
Charlie: So for-for a man who asked to chew like that, I-- you sho-- of course, you want your food liquified. [laughs]
Glenn: Right, yes.
Charlie: 'Cause you wanna be on- you wanna be your bike too.
Glenn: It's a burden.
Charlie: You want to be on your bike.
Glenn: I wanna be on the bike.
Charlie: Is-- the chewing is a burden.
Rob: You wanna be on an adventure with your friends going to find dead bodies. Look, we get it-
Rob: -we understand, you wanna be in Stand By Me.
Charlie: The egg coffee would be good for you. A coffee egg would be a coffee that's been hard-boiled, uh, an egg that's been hard-boiled in-in a pot of coffee, that would be a- that would be a-
Glenn: Oh my God.
Charlie: -that would be a coffee egg. But, egg-egg-
Glenn: I would try-- I would try it.
Charlie: -coffee, we-- yeah.
Glenn: Like in a percolator, right?
Glenn: Where-where you're actually boiling the water.
Rob: Let's make both of those and then see which ones- which one is better.
Charlie: That's-that's a thing, a tea egg is a thing.
Glenn: No, no but wait-wait no actually-
Charlie: -where you cook it in tea.
Glenn: But the-the-the-
Glenn: -coffee's not gonna penetrate the shell of the egg and actually affect the flavor.
Charlie: Oh, yes, it is.
Glenn: He's so sure of it.
Rob: You were such-such-- I mean, you were so clear and so sure that that--
Glenn: “Oh, yes, it will.”
Rob: “It most certainly will.”
Glenn: You think?
Rob: You know it's-it's like you work for the co--
Glenn: How's it gonna penetrate the shell of the egg? I-- By the way, I love your passion for this, I really do.
Charlie: I have no idea.
Rob: And the certainty- the certainty.
Glenn: I have no idea, there-there he is. I have no idea.
Charlie: 'Cause I--I've had a tea egg before, I've had a tea egg, which was an egg that was-
Glenn: You are kidding.
Charlie: -boiled in tea and it was delicious.
Glenn: It tasted like tea?
Rob: It tasted like tea?
Charlie: Yeah, very good.
Glenn: Uh, you're blowing my mind, I've never heard of that. A tea egg?
Charlie: Yes, yes.
Glenn: What is this?
Charlie: It's a- it's a- it's-it's from the other cultures, man.
Glenn: Whose-- who-- what culture?
Megan: And Chinese-
Charlie: I don't know.
Charlie: Chinese, okay Chinese. I don't really-- I don't know.
Megan: Chinese tea eggs.
Charlie: A Chi-- yes, Chinese tea eggs, and then do they--
Glenn: My God.
Charlie: Will you find if they--
Megan: They're simmered in a savory liquid-
Charlie: Where simmered and-
Megan: -with star anise-
Charlie: Well, that's where you--
Megan: -cinnamon sticks, and peppercorns.
Glenn: [laughs] Star anise.
Charlie: But, uh, do they peel the egg before they boil it? That's what we need to know.
Glenn: No, you can't peel it before you boil it.
Charlie: Before you boil.
Rob: How do you peel an egg before you boil it?
Charlie: What am I saying? Do they- do they boil it and then like, soak it in the tea or something?
Glenn: Like after, uh, uh, right, crack it open, crack open the boiled egg, and soak it in tea.
Charlie: We absolutely should have Charlie Kelly try to peel an unboiled egg next season.
Glenn: And he can't figure it out and he's frustrated.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, he wants to make he-- yeah, okay, all right, coffee egg.
Charlie: Coffee egg.
Glenn: Uh, I-- I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that that's gonna be gross.
Charlie: Yeah, [laughs] I'm with you, I think that's gonna be unpleasant.
Glenn: Um, I-I-I, so, what I was gonna say is, um, I had that same, you and I had the same gum surgery where, you know, you're having like recession on your gums and you get like a thing and they have to take like a little bit of a tissue from the roof of your mouth, this is generally how it's done. By the way, I've heard recently, somebody told me they can do it with cadavers now, that's creepy, but you can get them all done at once. 'Cause they're not scraping it from the roof of your mouth.
Charlie: Say again, cadavers?
Glenn: You can- you can scrape a-- [laughs] Yeah, I-I-I co-- we-we can already just say that we should cut this. Um, they can take the skin, the-the roof skin, I think of a cadaver and use that to, uh-
Charlie: Fix your gums.
Glenn: -fix your gums.
Glenn: Yeah, it's-it's creepy. It's creepy anyway-anyway-
Charlie: No, no thank you.
Glenn: -anyway, so they took it from the roof of my mouth, and then they, you know, they do there and it eventually turns into your gum tissue and, you know, heals and looks normal. Um, but you can't eat solid food for two weeks and in that two weeks, [laughs] my-my who-- uh, uh, my whole thing was, I got this-- I ate the same foods that I would normally eat. Like if I was having chicken and vegetables and rice, I wouldn't be like, "Well, I can't eat that, cause that's solid." I would just literally take that, put it in a Vitamix, add water, and blend it into a smoothie and I would eat chicken, rice, and vegetables as a smoothie. And it was great.
Glenn: It tasted-- you know what it tasted like? Chicken soup.
Glenn: You know what I mean?
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Like I would describe this to people and they'd be like, that's disgusting, what-- that's horrible.
Rob: Yeah it's chicken-chicken soup.
Glenn: And I'd be like, no, it's just- it's just soup.
Charlie: You're like, eventually it's gonna get blended up before you swallow it-
Glenn: Certainly in my mouth.
Charlie: -so I'm just- [laughs]
Charlie: -I'm just alleviating my mouth from having to do the blending work.
Glenn: I would heat it up first.
Rob: Yeah, that would- that would be the soup.
Glenn: So I would heat it up, I would cook it and then-- sorry, to be clear, and then put it in the Vitamix and add water and it would just turn into a soup.
Charlie: How about our friend that was on the all, uh, uh, all-raw diet?
Glenn: Oh, Mark?
Charlie: Was-was-- yeah, was eating all raw-
Glenn: Mark and his wife Allison.
Charlie: -raw meats, like raw chickens and--
Glenn: I don't know that they-- I know that they tried raw chicken, um, but I don't think that was ever like a staple of their diet. And they didn't stick with it like I don't think anyone really.
Charlie: That's a tough thing to stick with.
Glenn: No, and by the way, I went to the place where we would get those-- 'cause there's certain raw foods you can't-- that are like against the law in California, you can't-- you're not supposed to be able to get them and so--
Charlie: Meanwhile, we're scraping cadavers' mouths for gum surgery but--
Glenn: But I-I-- this-this company that would-- it was called Raw and they would- they would get-- I mean, this is so shady. They would literally go to Amish farms in Pennsylvania and drive it in this like big white van, the kind of van that you see and you go, I gotta stay away from that van. And then they would park it in a parking lot, and you would buy stuff outta the back of this van, like, you know, raw eggs, raw butter, raw goat milk-
Charlie: Oh get the fuck outta here.
Glenn: -raw cow's milk, raw meat, raw-- what were the-- I'm trying to put it--
Charlie: Straight out of the salmon-salmonella mobile [laughs] just like--
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was what they called it, actually, because this-- yeah, the salmonella mobile. [laughs] Um, but, uh, uh, they sold salmonella wafers.
Glenn: Ugh, cut that. Um, I couldn't help myself, that's such a dad joke, that was such a dad joke. Oh, I hate myself for saying that. Um--
Charlie: Let it go, man, let it go.
Glenn: Okay, I'm gonna let it go. Anyway, what was my point? I don't know. Anyway, uh we-- so, yeah, we used to get all these like raw foods and, um, and uh, like I tri- I tried it to some degree for a while. It was like, you know, but I couldn't-couldn't stick with it, it was pretty. The-the one thing, I tried to eat raw fish, um, and I bought like some sushi grade fish and I cut it up and there was a fuckin' worm in there and I was like, "I'm done, I'm done."
Glenn: A worm, a wiggling worm, a live wiggling worm. Not a worm that's-
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: -like dead and you're, you know. No no no, a wiggling worm, and I was like, "Well, I'll never eat that."
Charlie: 'Cause human beings started saying, you know, we'll start cooking our shit because--
Glenn: But see, why do we have to cook food? Why are we the only animal that has to cook its food?
Charlie: Well, I'll tell you what happened-
Glenn: What happened?
Charlie: -as we started cooking food-
Charlie: -uh, our lower intestines there-- our intestinal tract got smaller, which made room for our brains to get bigger. And suddenly we were not being--
Charlie: Yeah, that's how it happened. So once like---
Glenn: Your brain couldn't get big until your intestines got small? How is that-- what's the correlation there?
Charlie: Well, just, your intestines were doing a lot more work because you were just only eating raw foods and trying to-- just like the animals, all the other animals but then-
Glenn: Okay, so more power went, was able to--
Charlie: -but then we got fire, and then as we got fire, we got smarter, and our brains got bigger, and then suddenly, you know, we-we-- we're in charge and not the- not the, you know, the town tiger.
Rob: I don't know enough of--
Glenn: The town tiger.
Charlie: 'Cause we figured out how to trap it, you know what I mean?
Rob: I don't know enough about brains to dispute it.