On the pod, the guys revisit Underage Drinking: A National Concern from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 1, Episode 3.
Charlie: Let me pop open this.
Glenn: Go ahead and pop that.
Charlie: Aah.
Glenn: Oh, is that Spindrift sound?
Rob: Is that coffee?
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Glenn is drinking coffee.
Glenn: What time is it?
Rob: 3:09.
Glenn: I'm good with that.
Rob: Great. Good for you.
Glenn: I need- I-I just need seven hours to get it out of my system. My cut-offs are four.
Charlie: I'm gonna drink a lemon Spindrift.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: What time do you go to bed?
Glenn: Honestly, it didn't even matter.
Charlie: Brought to you by lemons spindrift.
Glenn: Brought to you by lemons. Lemons, you know, we're still a thing.
Rob: Well, here we are episode three.
Charlie: Yep.
Rob: Of the podcast.
Glenn: Yeah, uh, so--
Charlie: Nailing it so far. Do you think we lost? What- what percentage of the audience do you think we lost after listening to those first two?
Rob: We stuck in for 14 years of the show.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: But after two episodes of the podcast, we're out.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: We're out.
Glenn: Yeah. Many people are gonna realize that they just don't give a shit about what we have to say but that's okay. That's all right.
Rob: We might be ruining the show. Oh, this is a lot like the show where we're just talking all over each other.
Charlie: Well, how about this for our listeners that are like, "Nah, is this all they're gonna do?" They will be excited to hear we have a guest today. That guest is Mr. Michael Jordan. So if you're a fan of basketball, turns out Michael Jordan's a big Sunny fan and--
Glenn: So stick around. Um, hey, guys--
Charlie: Michael-Michael Jordan isn't here just so--
Glenn: Are we-- Oh, he isn't?
Charlie: No.
Glenn: You son of a bitch.
Charlie: Nah, he`'s probably never seen the show.
Glenn: Oh.
Charlie: But I'm a fan.
Glenn: What about Michael B Jordan, can we get him?
Charlie: Also a fan.
Rob: No, he's not available.
Charlie: We're not gonna get any of that Michael Jordans.
Glenn: He's not, all right that's fine. Listen, guys, are we ever gonna do an introduction of some kind to the show or we just gonna just launch right into it? There's never any like, "Hey guys, welcome to the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Podcast. Hi guys. It's great to have you here. We got another episode for you today. We're gonna do episode three of season one, you know anything like that?
[crosstalk]
Charlie: No. No, because you clicked on it. You know you pulled it up. You clicked on it if you don't know what you're listening to by now.
Glenn: Well, can I fire one off just in case we wanna use it?
Charlie: You just did.
Rob: You just did.
Glenn: I guess I did. Didn't I?
Rob: Yeah.
[music]
Glenn: Welcome to episode three of the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia podcast. We got the whole cast here. We got Rob McElhenney. We got Charlie Day. We got Glenn Howerton. We do not have Kaitlin Olson, we do not have Danny DeVito. So we don't have the whole cast and that's okay. So basically, the premise of this whole thing is we just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk until you can't fucking stand us anymore.
Charlie: It took no time for that coffee to shoot right in your system, right?
[laughter]
Charlie: You took a sip and then immediately-- [laughs] Good. I'm glad you did it though.
Glenn: Became the micro machines man.
Charlie: You're gonna- you're gonn- you're gonna be more fun. Last week you're just talking about how tired you are.
Glenn: Yeah. Oh, no, I'm still tired. It's both. It's both.
Rob: It's man- it's mania.
Charlie: All right.
Glenn: It is mania. I'm not tired tonight, though.
Rob: We're getting a real real good look into what this process is like.
Charlie: So, uh, yeah. So we get into the writer's room we spent- how long do we spend doing this crap before we actually start working on an episode of the show? For the people who are tuning in 'cause they're like, "Oh, well, we--"
Glenn: What's the process?
Charlie: You don't tune into a podcast. For people who are clicking on-
Glenn: Sure.
Charlie: Because they-they really are curious about our process.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: It's a lot of this.
Glenn: It is.
Charlie: It's a lot of this.
Rob: Yeah. It's 15, 16 years of this.
Glenn: It bears fruit. We have to create space for conversations that have nothing to do seemingly with the episode that we're trying to break only to sometimes find something within that conversation, stories about what our day was like, what our weekend was like, what the morning routine was, what have you.
Rob: It's probably why our later episodes are so much better than our earliest episodes where, again, we were just trying to find the show, but we didn't spend a ton of time talking about them. We would just sort of discuss lightly and then just go write them.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah. Maybe, maybe.
Glenn: Well, so--
Charlie: I cannot recall. It was so long ago. I have no recollection of working on that episode.
Glenn: What, season one?
Charlie: Shooting it yes. But like writing it? I don't remember writing it.
Glenn: Well, that's because I mean, in those early seasons, we-we didn't even have offices. Our show was so cheap to make and our budget was so small that we didn't even know to ask for offices. You know our line producer just kind of let that slide by because it helped him save money. So we were riding out of our apartments and out of our manager's office in Three Arts Entertainment.
Rob: Until we got kicked out.
Glenn: 'til we got kicked out of there 'cause they were sick of us.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: We were just drinking their coffee.
Rob: I watched that episode and I-I'm very annoyed by those people. I'm-I'm very annoyed by myself.
Glenn: Yeah, what's up? What's up? What are you feeling?
Rob: Well, I just- I don't like that show.
Charlie: Hmm?
Rob: I don't like that show that-that one.
Glenn: What do you mean?
Rob: I don't know.
Charlie: Well--
Rob: I wouldn't- I wouldn't keep watching that show if that was the first episode--
Glenn: Oh, see. I like that. That's one of the-- Like, I-I actually liked that so I think it's funny.
Rob: I remember- I remember liking it. I remember thinking, ''Oh, this is really funny.'' I mean, again, this is what 2005 or something like that but I remember Kaitlyn being really funny.
Glenn: Oh, my God.
Rob: And I remember loving like what you guys did, the classic Tammy stuff is great.
Glenn: That stuff is great.
Charlie: I remember feeling like we were sort of like hitting a stride with that episode feeling as though okay, this is clicking.
Glenn: Even though it was the third episode we aired it was one of the later episodes that were written it was like-
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: -maybe second to last episode that was written.
Charlie: Oh, gGood memory there. I don't recall that.
Glenn: Yeah, it was one of the--
Rob: I remember writing it really quickly.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah. And like all those names in there they're all-
Glenn: Those are all your high school buddies, right?
Charlie: Your high school buddies, yeah.
Rob: Yeah and we really did smash Nikki Potnik's car into a tree.
Glenn: Yeah, can I clear something up for everybody once and for all? The waitress' name is not Nikki Potnik. So stop it. It just isn't. It doesn't even make any sense. That's a theory that's been out there for a really long time that I would like to dispel. The waitress' name is not Nikki Potnik. That is a to--
Charlie: It's Picky Notnik.
[laughter]
Rob: Close.
Charlie: It was kind of fun the way people kind of came up with that, because there was the-there was the episode where Danny takes the Nicki Potnik High School sticker.
Glenn: Yep.
Charlie: And then--
Glenn: The waitress shows up and doesn't have a tag.
Charlie: The waitress shows up and doesn't have a tag so people said, "Oh, they're doing a kind of sneaky thing" but we weren't that clever.
Rob: Yeah. No, that was a mistake.
Glenn: We just thought it was funny to bring back the idea of Nikki Potnik through having Frank put the sticker on and then totally separate joke that had nothing to do with that was that even the people on the committee didn't know the waitress's name or forgot it. Like that's how- that's how fucking unmemorable she-she was to everyone.
Charlie: Yep.
Glenn: Yeah.
[laughter]
Glenn: You brought up Kaitlin's drunk acting as far as I'm concerned, she puts on a clinic in that episode for like, comedic drunk acting. I mean, that shit is so so fucking funny. I mean that she really looks like, was she drunk? No, she wasn't.
Rob: No, no, that's--
Glenn: I mean that it's so real. It's so real.
Charlie: That's the kind of thing people ask a lot. Like, "Do you guys just get like drunk like on the show all the time during the scenes?" And you're like, "No, first of all, it's 7:30 in the morning on like, a Wednesday, and you're doing that scene and then you have to do five other scenes from different episodes, which you may or may not be drunk, then you have to drive home."
Rob: We've definitely been drunk when we did or at least I was drunk, when we did the live show. I remember being-
Glenn: Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Rob: -pretty hammered when we were doing the live shows.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Charlie: You know what? I couldn't get hammered doing the live show 'cause I have such a tenuous grasp on my own voice as it is-
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: -that like if I were drunk, I'd be like a can't, my voice is gone.
Glenn: Uh, yeah, I was getting pretty hammered.
Rob: I was- I was getting hammered, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Rob: But then, but then now, when we were shooting, I don't think I've-I've ever been drinking while we-- no have we?
Glenn: Oh, absolutely.
Rob: Are you fucking kidding me?
Charlie: No, no. Only when the season is like it's the last scene of the last.
Glenn: Yeah, there have been some other times too but that's okay. [crosstalk] We don't have to get into it.
Rob: No, I really don't remember.
Glenn: You really don't remember or this, you're not just making that up for liability purposes?
Rob: No. I'm really not. No. No.
Charlie: That's a sign of alcoholism, pal.
[laughter]
Charlie: If you can't remember the fact that-
Rob: I've got a pretty good memory.
Charlie: You blacked out about it.
Glenn: I will say this. We- it's not something that we've done in a very long time. It's some of those really early seasons, it would be like, oh, it's the last scene of the day.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: We're drinking a beer in the bar. Let's just have one beer.
Rob: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Glenn: At the end of the- I'm not talking about getting drunk but I also remember actually in The Gang Gets Stranded In the Woods, we were out shooting at night, and we were out in the woods. And I remember us going and getting a six-pack and-
Rob: Oh, yeah.
Glenn: -drinking while we were shooting that episode.
Rob: Or in Philly. I remember we would.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yes yes yes. We'd have like a, we'd get a six-pack to shoot one scene.
Glenn: Yeah, it wasn't that crazy.
Charlie: Yeah, you have like a beer or two but you are not loaded.
Glenn: No, no, you get a little bit looser and have a little fun because it's a night shoot. And you know, that's about it. But no, we weren't getting hammered or anything like that.
Rob: We should do that more though this season.
Glenn: Well, again--
Rob: Season 15.
Glenn: You know, there's the alcoholic in you speaking? Rob-
Rob: Yeah, yeah. I guess.
Charlie: There he is.
Rob: There he is. Here's there.
Glenn: -do we need to have an intervention?
Charlie: I was drinking a beer with my grandma in the scene where I'm playing the piano with the Red Hat ladies in Philly but we have so many episodes to talk about, and-and so much time.
Glenn: Well, let's-let's stick to--
Rob: Let's focus on this one. Sorry.
Glenn: So Rob, I've got a question for you-
Rob: Okay.
Glenn: -buddy, 'cause it's a subject that comes up in this episode.
Rob: Mmhmm.
Glenn: Rob, why don't you tell us what lemon Hill is?
Rob: Lemon Hill is a real place in Fairmount Park in Philadelphia, where we used to go to drink after school.
Glenn: Okay, tell us some good-
Rob: I feel like I'm talking about my drinking quite a bit already.
Glenn: That's okay. That's all right.
Rob: This might be-- this might be a bit of an intervention.
Glenn: Hey, man. It's okay.
Charlie: Here it comes. So Rob, so listen.
Rob: No. Lemon Hill we would got up-
Charlie: Uh, your drinking's become an issue for us.
Rob: We would go there after-after school, like on Fridays, and the cops wouldn't bother us and that's where--
Glenn: So they so it was sort of known and understood.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: And as long as you guys kept it together-
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: -and didn't go super nuts, the cops just let it happen?
Rob: Pretty much. Yeah.
Glenn: Wow.
Rob: And then and then there would be--
Glenn: Sorry. Was it a- it was just a park or what?
Rob: Yeah, it was like an area in the park and it would overlook the river. It was actually quite beautiful.
Glenn: Oh, the Schuylkill?
Rob: The Schuylkill River.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: But then there would be-
Charlie: Yeah, the Schuylkill there, yeah.
Rob: Every once in a while there'd be a fight that would break out or something.
Glenn: Sure.
Charlie: Of course.
Rob: Some kind of violence and then the cops would come and be like, all you have to do, all you have to do is just not fight.
Glenn: Is not fight.
Rob: Because then no one's gonna get hurt but meanwhile, everybody's getting in their cars and driving home. So I don't know what the fuck they were thinking. Nevertheless, I think they kind of felt like we were somewhat more responsible than-- This is in the middle of the city of Philadelphia. I think they had other things they were more concerned about, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, they were busy with other things in the city of Philadelphia. There was other stuff going on that they really--
Rob: I found a dead body there.
Glenn: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tell us about that.
Rob: Yeah, that was-that was years later.
[laughter]
Glenn: Tell us about that.
Rob: That was years later and that was what the cops I'm assuming were spending most of their time worrying about.
Glenn: Now, was that because you were returning to the scene of the crime?
Rob: I was no, no. I was--
Glenn: Oh.
Rob: No, I was driving by.
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: Driving by and there was very clearly a-
Charlie: What kind of dead body? Was it a-
Glenn: So you don't remember killing him?
Charlie: -was it a man, a woman, a child? What ethnicity are we talking about here?
Rob: It was a man. It was a man who was shot, yeah.
Glenn: Oh, God.
Charlie: A shot man. How do you know he was shot? How do you--?
Rob: Because I saw his brains blown out of his face.
Glenn: 'Cause he did it. 'Cause he did it. 'Cause he did it.
Charlie: He could have been bludgeoned.
[laughter]
Glenn: That's good. That's true. He could have been hit-- [crosstalk]
Charlie: What kind of detective are you?
Rob: Fair enough.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Fair enough.
Glenn: Yeah. Well, that's a fun story.
[laughter]
Glenn: Did it completely and totally traumatize you, or were you already hardened to that sort of thing?
Rob: No, it didn't. I don't know why it didn't. That's disturbing.
Charlie: Were you erotically aroused?
Rob: I was not aroused, no.
Glenn: Were you aroused? Be honest.
Rob: No.
Glenn: You can be honest on a podcast.
Rob: I felt-- No, I felt sad.
Charlie: That's scary too, okay.
Rob: I felt sad for the person who was the recipient of that.
Glenn: Don't lie. You didn't give a shit. You didn't give a shit, did you?
Rob: I-- No, I did. I did.
Charlie: You were amused and you had something to brag about on a podcast four years later.
Rob: I definitely was not amused. [laughs] Oh, God. You guys already knew about this. I've told you this story before.
Charlie: I've seen dead bodies before and I've also been amused.
Rob: By the way, you and I, Charlie and I walked in and saw a dead body while-while-
Charlie: Oh, we saw a dead body together.
Rob: -while we're shooting. While we're shooting in Philly.
Charlie: Yup.
Glenn: What happened? Tell me that. Well, I don't remember that. Oh, I vaguely remember that, but that was early on.
Charlie: This was- this was great. This was season three-
Glenn: Okay.
Charlie: -and were shooting in Kensington which is a-
Glenn: Oh.
Charlie: -a lovely neighborhood.
Glenn: Yeah, it's beautiful.
Charlie: But how do we describe it?
Rob: Tough. It's tough.
Charlie: It's-it's-it's bad.
Glenn: Yeah, it's rough. It's a little rough.
Charlie: It's not doing hot.
Glenn: It's a little rough.
Charlie: And, uh, costumes, right? It was like, hey, your costume changed. We're switching from scene to scene. They're like, "Your costume changed, so the other scene is in that little house.", and we must have gotten in the wrong house so Rob and I walked in this house.
Rob: We just walked. We just walked into a house that happened-- [crosstalk]
Charlie: The door was open, though, I think.
Glenn: Jesus Christ.
Charlie: I think the door was open, and there was like a dead teenager.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: In a casket. In a casket.
Glenn: Oh. Oh, God. Oh, okay. Good. Jesus.
Rob: Well, it was--
Charlie: In an open casket.
Glenn: No, that- but that's better than just finding some kid, like, splayed out on the couch.
Rob: Yes, yes.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah. He'd been done up. I shouldn't laugh about this, but it was, you know, well, looking back on it, it's amusing. Rob's laughing. He's holding his laughter.
Rob: Cut this.
Charlie: No, no, no, no.
Glenn: Cut that. Cut that. Cut that. Cut that.
Charlie: No, no, no. Don't cut that.
Rob: It was a dead person.
Glenn: Don't cut that. Don't cut that. Don't cut that.
Charlie: It was a fucking dead kid.
Rob: Okay, yeah. Yeah.
Charlie: Don't cut it. Don't cut it. Don't cut it.
Glenn: Don't cut. Don't cut. Don't cut it. Don't cut it.
Charlie: No, there's a dead kid, and then Rob and I were, like, "Uh, yeah. Where's our costumes?"
Rob: What is happening? We didn't know what the fuck was going on. We just walk in there and I'm like, "Charlie, do you see that?" He's like, "Yeah. There's a dead kid in the room. Dead guy."
Charlie: Yeah, like maybe like a guy in his 20s or something, and maybe not dead. I mean, we didn't take his pulse. I mean, maybe--
Glenn: He was in a coffin for fuck's sake.
Rob: He was in a coffin.
Charlie: I mean--
Rob: He didn't look good.
Charlie: Yeah, and, yeah, well-
Glenn: Oh, boy. Wow.
Charlie: -he didn't look that bad.
Glenn: And did you have any feelings about that, or were you already, by that time again, you know, just a little too sort of dead inside?
Rob: I was, I was definitely confused, mostly confused-
Glenn: Right, more than anything.
Rob: -as to why we were in the situation that we were in.
Charlie: Belatedly amused like, you know, like, not amused in the moment.
Rob: Not amused in the moment.
Charlie: Terrified in the moment, and then after the fact of being, you know, like, that was odd.
Glenn: Yeah, that is a strange thing.
Rob: Well, I'll tell you. The body that I've--
[laughter]
Glenn: The body that really--
Charlie: The body's been found.
Glenn: The body that really got me.
Rob: The body that I found in Fairmount Park was not amusing, but there was an amusing anecdote there [chuckles] that is associated with it-
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: -where I called the police, as you do when you find a dead human corpse.
Glenn: Right.
Rob: And the cop came over and he was across the street when-- so we had crossed the street and I was just standing there and I'm looking at the body and he pulls up. He's like, "Hey, you're the one that called?" I'm like, "Yeah." He's like, "What do you want?" I'm like, "There's a dead body over there."
Glenn: [chuckles] What do you want?
Rob: He looks at it. He goes, "Nah, that's just a bunch of clothes," and I was like, "No, that's a body. I went over to it and I saw his head."
Charlie: And I'm telling you-
[laughter]
Charlie: -it's a bunch of clothes, young man.
Rob: Nah, it's just a bunch of clothes. I'm like, no. No, no. It's not a bunch of clothes. It's not.
Charlie: Clothes.
Glenn: Clothes.
Glenn: And he goes over to it, and I fucking shit you not, and I have a witness. Chris Murray was with me. Chris Murray and I were watching this, and the cop picks up a stick and he pushes the clothes around to see the body and then he comes back over and he goes, "Eh, it's a dead body."
[laughter]
Rob: I was like, yeah.
Glenn: Hey, that's what you do in The Gang Finds a Dead Guy.
Rob: Yeah, buddy.
Glenn: You poke him with, uh, you poke him with the stick.
Charlie: Actually, sir, it's both. It's a dead body and a bunch of clothes.
Rob: Yes, it's-it's true.
Glenn: It's very sad.
[music]
Glenn: I got a question for you guys. Do you have any particularly amusing underage drinking stories of your own? Or how about this, more specifically, Charlie, do you remember the first time you ever got drunk or the first time you ever drank?
Charlie: Uh, I don't-- Not necessarily remember the first time I ever drank, but I do remember the first time that my buddies and I got like, our hands on a bunch of beer, you know.
Glenn: What happened?
Charlie: I think there was like sips of beers here and there that I can't remember but-
Glenn: Uh-huh.
Charlie: -there was a Mormon church down the street from me and there was never anyone there 'cause I don't think there's a lot of Mormons in Rhode Island. There was like, um, like a pit with like machines, like, air conditioner units and things that we were like, well, no one's gonna see us down there. This will be a great place to get drunk.
[laughter]
Glenn: Into a pit?
Charlie: Yeah.
[laughter]
Charlie: So somehow we got our hands on like a--
Rob: Charlie, let's go in this pit.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah. Like a 24-pack or whatever of Natty Lights.
Glenn: Ooh, yeah. Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, and we got- we got down in the pit and we just got hammered, son, on those Natty Lights.
Glenn: Oh, yeah. Give us the accent. Come on, I love it.
Charlie: I just did, and then, um-
Glenn: Mm, I want more of it.
Charlie: -and then it was, like, we're just down there drinking beers, you know, me and the boys.
Glenn: What was that experience like for you? Were you like, "Oh, wow. I really like this," or were you like, "Oh, wow. I'm just dizzy. I don't feel well." How did you react to it?
Charlie: I think, actually, that was the first time we had a good time. Like, I think there was other scenarios. I'd been in scenarios where I had like a beer there. I was like nervous about getting sick or whatever. Really always scared to get sick was my whole-- [chuckles] So it kind of held me off on drinking for a while.
Glenn: Like, sick as in like, oh, I'm gonna drink too much and throw up like I've seen in the movies?
Charlie: Yeah, I was terrified to throw up. I didn't wanna throw up.
Glenn: Because you've seen that in the movies or because you'd felt it?
Charlie: No, 'cause I knew that was something that could happen.
Glenn: Uh-huh.
Charlie: But, yeah, I don't recall. I do remember my one friend, my youngest friend, who was too young to be with us drinking, getting very sick from drinking too much and that- and I felt guilty about that. I still feel guilty about it, to tell you the truth.
Glenn: Okay. Well, I think you can let that one go, buddy. I think you can let that one go.
Charlie: I don't know. I was the oldest, you know. I felt, man, like--
Glenn: Yeah, you felt that responsibility, sure.
Charlie: A little bit. A little bit.
Glenn: Rob, what about you, man? Do you remember the first time you ever got drunk?
Rob: First of all, I wanna say I appreciate you trying to find some structure to put into these podcasts 'cause I don't-- [crosstalk].
Glenn: I'm just having fun, buddy, you know. Somebody's gotta keep this train on the rails. You know what I mean? Otherwise--
Rob: Yeah, I'll-I'll tell you what. The first time I got really, really drunk was at Lemon Hill, and I know exactly what we were doing. We were drinking St. Ides.
Glenn: Oh, yeah.
Rob: 40s.
Glenn: Wow.
Rob: Because, you know, you're like, you know, it was just a huge part of the culture at the time 'cause we were all watching like gangster rap videos and shit and you'd see like--
Glenn: Well, it's also more bang for your buck. They're higher in alcohol content and--
Rob: They are, but I never understood.
Charlie: Tape them to your hands and, uh--
Rob: You would get- they would get warm, so unless you drank them really fast.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: So we drank that St. Ides really fast and I drank two of them and I probably weighed 102 pounds.
Glenn: Oh, my God.
Rob: And I got violently ill and we took the subway. We had to take a train, and then the elevated train like the subway, and puked all over the train.
Glenn: Oh.
Charlie: Oh, boy.
Rob: All over the train.
Charlie: How old were you?
Rob: 13.
Charlie: Aah.
Glenn: Guys, listeners--
Charlie: He's too young. He's too young.
Rob: Way too young.
Glenn: Listeners, if you get a chance, go online and try to look at some younger pictures of Rob McElhenney. There is a great YouTube video of him in an anti-smoking ad where he looks about 13 or 14 years old, and I believe you were what, 20, 21? [chuckles]
Rob: 21, yeah, 21.
Glenn: The guy didn't hit puberty until he was in his mid-20s.
Rob: Yeah, it took a while.
Charlie: Wow.
Rob: Take a minute. Take a minute. Take a minute.
Glenn: So like basically he hit puberty, and then he was like, okay, now I can write a show.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: 'Cause-- [crosstalk]
Rob: It shaped my entire personality I think. I was hitting puberty at like- no, no.
Glenn: No, not hitting puberty.
Rob: Not hitting puberty until I was like 17 or 18.
Glenn: Angry and overcompensatory.
Rob: A lot of overcompensating.
Charlie: Dude, I cannot wait. Is it good? Is it good? I cannot wait to hit it. It's fun, right? Like, you're gonna-
Glenn: Um, it's a transition.
Charlie: The voice drops and aah, I can't wait.
Rob: It has its ups and downs.
Charlie: I cannot wait.
Glenn: No, I don't think those hormones haven't kicked in by now, Charlie. I don't think they're ever gonna.
Charlie: They're coming.
Glenn: I don't think you got them. I just don't think you have whatever organs produce those things.
Charlie: You can eat more leeks.
Glenn: Are you guys gonna ask me my-my story?
[laughter]
Rob: No.
Glenn: That's fine.
Charlie: No, moving on.
[laughter]
Rob: I was, I was hoping that you were gonna ask us to ask it.
[laughter]
Rob: I was trying to get Charlie's attention, but he was doing it naturally and it was great.
Glenn: I couldn't, I--
[laughter]
Glenn: That was funny 'cause I--
Charlie: I was not at all gonna ask you.
[laughter]
Glenn: I know you weren't. I know you weren't. That's why I brought it up 'cause I was like, "These fucking guys are so focused on themselves. They're not gonna-- They don't even give a shit."
Charlie: It's not that I didn't care. Yeah, well, that's true. I feel like we just finished this story. We were just, it was--
Glenn: No, that-- Totally, totally. I was- I was--
Rob: He saw the writing on the wall. We were transitioning out.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah. Glenn, when was the first time you went out and got and had some drinks and got drunk?
Glenn: Oh, gosh. It's funny that you should ask.
Rob: Wait. Well, if we're telling stupid stories from when we were underage-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -which is the-- okay, the theme of the-- this episode.
Glenn: That is the theme of the episode, sure.
Rob: Can you tell the story about when you hung yourself by accident?
Glenn: Oh, boy. Oh, God.
Rob: 'Cause this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard a person do.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: That's right. I've forgotten this so--
Rob: This one is insane.
Glenn: I'd forgotten it. I'd forgotten it.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: I was on a church camp. It was a two-week-long church camp, but it was actually really, really fun, and it was out in the woods and, you know, we were bunks and it was super fucking great. Anyway, there was this--
Charlie: Prayer groups and games and hangings.
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah, most of it was fun, and then there were moments where they were preaching at us and it was like, well, this is-- I'll tolerate this 'cause the rest of it's fun. There was a barn on the grounds. It was like an old barn that think was probably there from before this was even a camp and the barn was decorated with all kinds of old-timey western stuff, right? Like, skeletons and things and, you know, whatever. All kinds of like barn equipment and shit [laughs]. I don't know shit about barns.
Uh, but there was also-- In one spot, I-I shit you not, God no. Why was this there? I don't know. There was a noose hanging from the ceiling, okay? And so me and my buddy thought, "You know, it'd be really funny. Let's jump up, let's grab the noose and let's hold it and make it look like we're hanging." Right. And so he did it and I was like, "[laughs] That's really funny looking." And then I did it and he was like, "[laughs] that's really funny looking." And then he did it again and I was like, "Let me go get somebody." And-and we'll be like-- I'll be like, "Oh, shit, Josh like hung himself, oh my god."
Yeah, funny stuff guys. And so I went and I got somebody and I was like, "You-you got to come in here it-it's awful. Josh is hanging. He hung himself." And so I-- You know, run-in with the person and then Josh would be there like hanging from the thing from his hands but under his neck. And you know, with a big goofy look on his face like so that you know right away that it's not real. It was a joke.
So then I did it and Josh ran and got somebody, "Glenn himself, Glenn hung himself." And we did this back and forth quite a few times. And then at-at one point, like he came running in with somebody and my hands were by my side. And I was hanging from the noose from my neck, and he actually shit his pants. He told me this later, he was like, "Dude, when I saw that, poopoo actually came out of my butt and I shit my pants." [laughs] And so like he actually shit his pants.
Rob: [laughs] Because his friend killed himself.
Glenn: Because he thought his friend fucking killed-- So he ran- he runs over and I don't know how he was able to do this because it was pretty high off the ground. He moved a table under me. And then he grabbed me by my legs somehow hoisted me off out of the noose. I fell and slammed against the ta-- He told me this later, I slammed my head against the table. And then he ran and got help but while he was gone, I woke up. And I remember I was like, you know, that feeling when you get up too fast and you kind of, it goes black for a second and then everything goes back and you feel like you're gonna pass out. It was like that, but times a million.
And I finally came to and I was in a room laying on a table alone. I had no fucking idea where it was and what had happened. And long story short, I was fine. They took me to the doctor and I was like, "What happened? Like I had my-- I was holding on to a thing." And he goes, "Oh, you-you pressed on a nerve or cut off an artery in
your neck.
Rob: You cut off your-- Yeah, your-
Glenn: Carotid.
Rob: -arteries, yes. That's how you strangle someone.
Glenn: Yeah, so I think I choked myself out.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: I choked myself out and then my arms just dropped. I mean, if Josh hadn't come in--
Rob: Yeah, he saved your life.
Glenn: He saved my life.
Charlie: Praise Jesus.
[laughter]
[music]
Charlie: What was high school like for you guys? Good? Good experience? [laughs]
Glenn: Yeah, I fucking nailed it. Nailed it
Charlie: Was that-- Was high school-- Were you thriving in high school?
Glenn: No, I don't know. I didn't feel like I was.
Charlie: Does anyone thrive in high school? Somebody does. Somebody has a great time.
Glenn: Oh, oh, yeah. there were de-- Yeah, man.
Rob: I had fun in high school. But the puberty thing was tough. But then once I did catch up like my senior year of high school, I had a good time.
Glenn: Did people think you were somebody's like little brother?
Rob: I did that very classic thing where when you are insanely insecure, you completely--
Charlie: You become very gregarious, cause you're like I'm, you know.
Rob: Yeah, like I became like really seemed like self-confidence, which was just like arrogance, which was masking extreme insecurity.
Glenn: And why is it that when once you did go through puberty that didn't go away?
[laughter]
Rob: Yeah. Well, because it became an indelible part of my personality.
Glenn: Oh.
Rob: Yeah, and I don't think you can scrape that.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: Mm.
Rob: You know what I mean? I'm still-- I'm working on it.
Charlie: And Glen High School for you, you were- you were like middle of the pack? You like had a lot of friends? Not so many friends? Uh.
Glenn: I had-- I was--
Charlie: Got the girls? Were not-- Was not getting the girls?
Rob: When Glenn was a senior in high school, his girlfriend was a freshman.
Glenn: No, that's not true. She was a sophomore.
Rob: Sophomore. I was pretty close.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Pretty close.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: It's okay. Okay, high school kids should be able to date each other.
Glenn: Um, she was my first love, Rob. So go ahead and make fun of it all you want. I really loved that girl.
Rob: I wasn't making fun of it at all. I just pointed it out.
Glenn: I feel like you were. I feel like you were. There's that obnoxious fucking thing that you never grew out of. [chuckles] I don't know high school--
Charlie: No more- no more coffee for you, man.
Glenn: Me?
Charlie: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You gotta-- You're going dark, man.
Rob: No, no, I like it.
Charlie: I know. It's good. It's good.
Rob: He could-- It's like, he's played by--
Charlie: It's a roller coaster.
Rob: Yeah, it's a roller coaster.
Glenn: Well, I told you guys, I-I think I might be mildly bipolar.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: All right. Will you-- Would you rather me go drop into the depression face?
Rob: No, no, no, no, no.
Charlie: No, no, no.
Rob: Let's keep the mania.
Charlie: No.
Glenn: Okay. All right.
Charlie: Let's go. [laughs]
Rob: Let's go to-- You know what we should do? We should have a segment of the podcast where we try to guess which part Glenn's at. Is he at the mania or the depression?
Glenn: Right, or am I at the fulcrum or am I at the-- Right. I don't know, I had a good time in high school. I was definitely not like, the most popular kid at all or even close, but I wasn't unpopular either. I-I managed to-to kind of skate by but I-I remember me and my closest friends, Jody and Mark, our whole thing was we liked hanging out with everybody.
When like the jocks were having a party we'd go to that party.
And if like the, um, you know, the kids who listened to The Cure and shit, when they would have a party, we went to that fucking party because they were fun as shit too. We just wanted to go to all the parties basically. We wanted to go to all the parties and we liked the girls in every single segment of the population of the school. We just-we just wanted to hang out, man. We just wanted everybody--
Charlie: What year did that started for you, like Junior year or Sophomore year you were going to parties?
Glenn: Sophomore year. Sophomore year.
Charlie: Sophomore year.
Glenn: Yeah, sophomore year, right away.
Rob: Here's a fun fact too. Glenn told me the name of his high school sometime in early 20s. And he told me the name and I couldn't believe it. I thought he was joking.
[laughter]
Rob: I could not believe that this was the name of his high school.
Glenn: It still is.
Rob: And then he-- That's crazy. And that he couldn't understand why I couldn't believe that the name of his high school is the name of his high school. Glenn, do you want to reveal the name of your high school?
Glenn: Rob, they didn't do a good job. I'll put it this way. Growing up in Montgomery, Alabama, they didn't exactly do a good job of teaching us the realities of the-- what went on in the Civil War.
Rob: Right, right.
Glenn: I don't think-- You know, it's not very proud history in many ways in Alabama, you know, and that's not, look, I mean that just--
Rob: Yeah, yeah. I-- But at the time you had no idea even who the guy was, right?
Glenn: I'm not, I will admit.
Rob: You were 100- not 100% sure.
Glenn: No, no, I-I knew who he was. But I hadn't really put much thought into it. And-and-and I am admittedly when it comes to any subject in this world, the worst at history. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. I never cared about history. I hated history. Never found it fucking interesting, always found it boring as shit. So there's a lot of shit that I didn't--
Charlie: So Jim Crow Academy prep?
Rob: Pretty close.
Glenn: Oh, my god, how did you guess?
Rob: Maybe worse, maybe worse.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah. Uh, Jefferson Davis High School.
[laughter]
Glenn: Charlie, you have anything to say about that? You don't know who he is either.
Charlie: No, that's a good point.
[laughter]
Charlie: You know, it's like--
Rob: You guys weren't paying attention at all in-in-in history?
Charlie: No, I-I-
Glenn: I didn't pay attention in history at all.
Charlie: -so I pay attention, and I will hear it, I will learn it, I will understand it, I'll walk out the door and delete all the files. Because they're just weighing me down, man.
Glenn: It's boring.
Charlie: [laughs] Like, I had shit to do.
Glenn: Yeah, it's boring.
Charlie: You know, like, I can't be going around like thinking about every single name and date. It's crazy.
Glenn: No, I'm encountering enough people in my life that I actually interact with that I need to know their names. I don't need to know a guy's name--
Charlie: I'm walking out of the classroom and some dude's trying to fucking throw me in a bush because I'm short. And I'm like, "Wait a second, wait a second. I remember the names and dates of every person from the Civil War."
Glenn: Right and that's just--
Charlie: Like, that's not gonna serve me.
Glenn: No, no, no, you're gonna get thrown deeper into the bush for knowing it.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah. So I gotta be thinking I gotta-- I'm constantly strategizing out there.
Glenn: Don't just- don't know stuff nerd.
Charlie: Yeah, exactly.
Glenn: It makes me feel small. And then I throw you in-- [crosstalk]
Charlie: [laughs] Yeah, That's dangerous for me sacts- facts, see I didn't get the word facts right. Came out sacts.
[laughter]
Glenn: This has been fun guys. I really enjoyed taking this trip down memorily lane- memory lane with-- Oh, for fuck's sake. That's the coffee wearing off.
Charlie: That's the coffee wearing off.
Glenn: God damn it. I only get-- I get this like little short window of time where I'm at full operational speed and then it just all falls off.
Rob: And then, so what, you go- you go 0 to 10 and then 10 to 0.
Glenn: Yeah, it's all day for me baby. [crosstalk]
Charlie: I think you go from like, zero into the green. Then into the red for a minute.
Glenn: Right, I red line.
Charlie: And then somewhere lower than zero.
Glenn: Well, yeah, cause I burned myself out, haven't I?
Charlie: Yeah, I think so.
Glenn: Yeah, I'm low- I'm low on gas. I'm low on oil. And, you know, everything starts rubbing.
Rob: Well, what's the oil in this scenario? Because the gas is the caffeine.
Glenn: Gas or the caffeine, the oil is the cocaine.
Rob: Okay, okay.
[laughter]
Glenn: Really lubricates things. Rob, do you have any closing words for us? Uh, would you like to say something inspirational to our audience? [laughs] No? Okay.
Charlie: What, uh--
Glenn: Uh, Charlie, would you like to lift people up before they--
Charlie: Sure. Um, look you-you gotta take life day by day.
Glenn: That's good advice.
Charlie: You know, just get out there and just-just worry about today. Don't worry about too much tomorrow and, uh-and, uh-
Glenn: Chin up.
Charlie: -chin up. You know, and, uh, believe in yourself and, uh, you know the podcast thing.
Glenn: Unless you're an idiot, unless you're an idiot, in which case learn something before you believe in yourself. Because if you're a fucking idiot, you really shouldn't believe in yourself. You should believe in the person who's not an idiot. Guys, this episode is brought to you by education. Education, fucking please get one.
[music]
[00:29:21] [END OF AUDIO]