Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack | Always Sunny Podcast – The Always Sunny Podcast
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Episode #53

Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack

Rich guy moment of zen.

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53. Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack

On the pod, the guys revisit Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4, Episode 10.

Glenn Howerton: Oh, first sip of coffee of the day.

Charlie Day: Oh, nice, that's the best one.

Glenn: It's the best one, you never get that one again.


Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: You know what I mean?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: It's that first sip, ooh.


Charlie: All the endorphins.

Glenn: You just-you just--

Rob McElhenney: I would say, having known you for very long, you don't slip as much as you slurp.

[Glenn slurps]

Charlie: There you go.

Rob: There you go.

Glenn: I don't what?

Rob: Glenn doesn't sip as much as you slurp.

Glenn: I do tend to slurp.

Charlie: You're a slurper?

Rob: He's a slurper.

Glenn: I admit that I am a slurper, you're right. You're totally right and it's so hypocritical too because I hate mouth noises so much.

Rob: Yeah.


Glenn: I recognize that.

Charlie: You know what, a slurp isn't half as bad as a chew, or a gulp.

Glenn: I mean I-- By the way--


Charlie: A gulp?

Rob: A gulp?

Charlie: A gulp can be--

Glenn: Oh, like a loud, super loud gulp.

Charlie: Super loud gulp.

Glenn: Yeah, when--

Megan Ganz: How about smacking after you eat, where you're like, [smacks]. Like that sort of stuff.


Charlie: Yeah, yeah, that's bad, that's bad.

Glenn: Smack of satisfaction.

Charlie: For sure.

Meg: Yeah, that's a great act.

Rob: It's that smack-smack of satisfaction.

Charlie: Yeah, I don't wanna hear your satisfaction.

Glenn: [laughs] I don't wanna know how satisfied you are.

Charlie: I'd be fun- it'd be fun to hear someone like groan, like eats and then they'll be like, [groans loudly].


Charlie: That wouldn't bother you at all, right?

Glenn: And keep going- and keep going?

Charlie: What if they eat it and they enjoy it?

Rob: What a smack-- What about a smack of disgust?

Charlie: They go- they go, "Mmmh" It's just--

Glenn: Yeah, you're just like,-

Charlie: There you go.


Glenn: -"Don't shove your satisfaction in my face."

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: "I'm trying to enjoy my own meal."

Charlie: Go ahead and suffer like the rest of us.

Glenn: "Now, if you wanna show me--" [laughs] "If you wanna show me how upset you are with what you're eating, that's fine because I'm enjoying my food-


Glenn: -and now I know, in relation to you, I'm happier."


Rob: A smack of disgust, you know?

Charlie: A smack of disgust.

Rob: Ugh.

Glenn: Ugh.

Charlie: Uh, that's okay, that's okay,

Rob: Well, that doesn't bother you?

Glenn: That would be--

Charlie: What a smack of joy is.


Glenn: It's not.

Charlie: It's upsetting.

Rob: It's really that you don't want other people to be happy, that's what we're getting. Is that what we have happen?

Charlie: Oh, I mean, you can break it down to-

Glenn: It's just--

Charlie: -all sorts of things. It probably just goes [crosstalk].

Glenn: Well, I-I actually did go to a hypnotherapist-

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -about this at one point. He actually-- This-- Oh, no. Actually no, I went to a hypnotherapist and a regular therapist. Uh, the regular, they were just about, you know, all kinds of things, but the hypnotherapist specifically I went to, you know, to deal with the whole like, "Is there a way that, um--" 'Cause this guy I had a-- was like-- It was actually Jimmy's guy.

Charlie: [gulps]

Speaker 1: Jimmy he-- This guy helped Jimmy stop smoking.

Charlie: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Rob: That was a gulp.


Rob: Did anybody cap-- we captured that?

Charlie: Oh, I gulp. I have a- I have a loud throat noise.

Rob: That was a gulp.

Charlie: That is why I think it bothers me.


Rob: Interesting, that did not-- it didn't bother me. I wouldn't have thought about it, except that you just talked about gulps.

Charlie: Well, now everyone's gonna hear it the whole time. We have to cut the-- all the--

Glenn: All the gulping.


Rob: Well, just go away from the mic. When you-you--


Rob: I-I have to- I have to think that we caught that, sorry.

Glenn: [chuckles] I don't know.

Charlie: For sure.

Glenn: Uh, anyway, um.

Charlie: Well, you caught it.


Glenn: So anyway, I went to this guy and you know, he had a pretty good reputation. I was like, "Look, this is my situation, can you help me with it? I-I just-- It really bugs me when people smack their gum, when people-- when I can hear people chewing their food, especially when they're smacking." He's like, "Yeah, I can help you with that." You know, he hypnotized me. Nothing happened, I mean, as far as I could tell. Like I was just-- you know, he'd just like, "You're-You're in an elevator and you're gonna start-- And I'm gonna start counting down from this." I was like, "Okay, this is interesting, 'cause I don't see how this would do anything." Then he said that--

Charlie: Pulls out a bowl of cereal, he's like-


Glenn: Well.

Charlie: -"So, okay."

Glenn: Wait a minute, actually--

Charlie: "You're getting really sleepy, you're so sleepy."


Glenn: Okay, you're joking? That's exactly what he did.


Glenn: I am not kidding you. As he was putting me under, he had a glass of water, and he would go-- and he would be like, "And we're going down from-- we're on floor 50, 49-- [slurps and gulps noisily] [sighs] and you're on 48-


Charlie: Wow.

Glenn: -47. [slurps noisily]"

Rob: Maybe he--

Charlie: Was it intentional, or was it--

Glenn: I think it was intentional.

Rob: But-but--

Charlie: And you paid him for this?

Glenn: I thought he was doing a thing.

Rob: But maybe he programmed slurping into your brain and that's why you slurp.

Glenn: No, no.

Rob: Maybe in fact something did happen.

Glenn: I think I've been slurping for years.


Glenn: I-I think I've been slurping for a long time.

Rob: That's what he has programmed-

Glenn: Me to think.

Rob: -your brain to believe.


Glenn: I remember it was also-- it was like a blue plastic cup.

Charlie: Was he even there?

Glenn: I don't know why I remember that.

Charlie: Did he even exist?


Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Oh.

Glenn: I don't know, but it- but it was- it was crazy and I remember thinking like, "Well, this is just really fucking irritating, and I don't feel hypnotized in the slightest bit."

Rob: You were irritated?


Glenn: I was irritated.

["It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" theme music]

Glenn: Guys, I'm coming in hot today.

Rob: Oh.

Charlie: Okay, good.

Rob: Glenn, coming in hot.

Charlie: Good.


Glenn: It's not about slurping and mouth noises.

Charlie: Okay.

Glenn: I had a crazy, crazy day, uh, a night and day, Friday night and, uh, Saturday. The kind of thing that sent me into a-a rage.

Meg: You?


Glenn: Um, because it was the--

Rob: You-you were in a rage?

Glenn: I was in a rage but then something happened at a certain point where I just surrendered to the situation. And then all sorts of life lessons crept in over the course of the time that I was going through this ordeal. Okay, so here's what happened. So, uh, earlier in the day on Friday, my key fob on my car-- so I drive a Tesla. I drive a Tesla Model X. Okay, the key fob stopped working on my car, okay?

That's okay, you can use the app on your phone to drive your car, okay? So I was like, "Okay, that's a good fail-safe, that works." So I'm driving around, it's all good. Uh, I go to pick up my buddy, Nick Wechsler, 'cause we're going to a screening at the DGA of a friend's new show that he's made. So we go to the DGA. I park--

Rob: The-the DGA is the Director's Guild-

Glenn: Oh, yes. I'm sorry.

Rob: -uh, theater.

Glenn: Yeah, the Director's Guild of America, yeah, yeah. Sometimes they do screenings and things like this. So we went to a screening, I park in the bottom floor of the parking garage. You can probably already see where I'm going with this. Now, in order for the app on the phone to work, you need to have internet connection on your phone and the car. The phone does not speak directly to the car. Now, I can Bluetooth music from the phone to the car, but I can't control the car through the Bluetooth.

So I've-- so we get down to the car and my key fob's not working and I can't connect to the internet and I'm like-- suddenly, I'm like-

Meg: [chuckles]

Glenn: -"Okay, there's gotta be a solution to this, but this is wild I can't-- I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do here." And I was like, "Maybe I just need to go get a new battery for the key fob." So I went to get a new battery. So we-we walk over to the Rite Aid, get a new battery for the key fob. But I was like, "But there's supposed to be an indicator that says you've got low battery," you know. So anyway, put a new battery and still didn't work. Couldn't figure out how to get my car outta there, was like, "Uh, I guess I'll just Uber home."

So I just Ubered home, left the car there, told security. I was like-- I put a note on my car, "Please don't tow my car." I go back to DGA that morning as early as possible. The second I arrive everything-- the whole building is taped off as if there was a bomb threat or something, and I'm like, "This is crazy." Like every step of the way throughout this whole story, every single thing that could go wrong went wrong.

Nobody would tell me what was going on. Finally, I got the supervisor's attention. He got the security guard. I was able to go and turns out they were just doing construction on the roof. Okay, all good. Oh, sorry. I figured out a way the night before that there is a way you can get in the car without the battery on the key fob working using the chip. You can put it on a certain place in the car and the door will open, then once you get inside you can put it on a place-

Meg: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -a certain place inside and the car will start. I was like, "Oh, that's a good fail-safe, so if your fob's not working and you don't have access to the internet, there is a way to open the car and to start it," 'cause I couldn't even open the car the night before. So I did the thing, car door opened. I'm like, "Oh, yes, okay, sweet." Put the thing where it's supposed to go to start the car, wouldn't start. Moving around, tried this for about 20 minutes, wouldn't start. I was like, "This is unbelievable." So I was like, "Okay, fine."

Rob: Take us there though. Take us there at that moment-

Meg: [laughs]

Rob: -when you- when you did that. Can you reenact that? That moment? I just wanna see-- I wanna feel it. I wanna-- 'cause there was-- you screamed.

Meg: [chuckles]

Glenn: I screamed.

Rob: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.

Charlie: Oh, you screamed?

Rob: I can imagine this moment.

Glenn: I screamed.

Rob: I can imagine this moment when it-- when-when-when the key fob got to-- the moment and you looked and it didn't start. Can you take us there?

Meg: Wait, was your car also the only one now-

Rob: Yeah.

Meg: -in the parking lot? [laughs] So you're in an empty parking lot.

Rob: Yeah, so he's alone

Glenn: It was a Saturday. It was a Saturday so the whole parking garage was like completely empty. Also, by the way, I can't be on the phone with Tesla troubleshooting 'cause I don't have reception in the garage.

Meg: Sure. Yeah. Uh-huh. [laughs].

Glenn: We'll get to that. Uh, so, uh-

Rob: Do you remember what you screamed? Was it- was it--

Glenn: Fuck.

Rob: Just fuck?

Glenn: Yeah. That was it.

Rob: You got it all-- Okay. Yeah.

Glenn: Just a big like, "Fuuuck."

Rob: Okay.

Glenn: Like, just like-- and then once I got that out, I was like, "Okay." So then I-I-I'm trying all these different spots to try to get it to work. Can't get it to work. I'm like, "This is unfucking believable." So I was like, "All right, I'm just gonna put the car in tow mode and--," or-- no, "I'm just gonna go call AAA, and-and-and-- now that I know I can get in the car, I know I can put it in tow mode, so I'll go call AAA."

Called AAA they're like, "What's the-- what is the clearance of the parking garage?" And I was like, "I don't know." And I asked the security guard, he's like, "Six and a half feet." And he was like, "Oof, that's-that's really low. Um, we only have a few trucks that can do that. Let me see what we can do," right? So they did actually find one that was low enough that-that they could dispatch out and get out there.

So I go down to the garage to put the car in tow mode, the car won't go in tow mode. The screen works, everything works. I'm doing everything right. The car's in park, it says, "Your car has to be in park. You gotta put-- have your foot on the brake for the car to go in tow mode," but it's grayed out. No matter what I do, it's grayed out. I can't.

Charlie: I-I don't wanna derail a story, but like-

Glenn: No, please do.

Charlie: Fucking keys, man.

Meg: Yeah. What happened with the keys? [chuckles]

Charlie: What was wrong with the keys? It was- it was a great system. You put it in the thing and you turned it and then the car went and like--

Glenn: My-my-my wife's got a- got a key fob, right? She operates everything with the key fob, but if every-- if all else fails, there's a little key that slides out of the fob that you can use to open the door.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: There you go.

Glenn: And you can pull off the start-stop button-

Charlie: Sure.

Glenn: -and there's a key thing behind it.

Charlie: I one time put the TV on my house on like an app on my phone. And then you-you know, like the Wi-Fi would go off on your phone and then you couldn't control the TV and it was just a-a fiasco, right?

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: And then I had the guy come to the house to-to-- be like, "Hey, can we get this off the phone? And I-I just wanna go back to a remote I can hold in my hand," and guy's like, "Sure." He's like, "You know, if you want, I could actually put all the lights on your house on an app on your phone." And I was like-- He's like, "For $9 million, whatever." Yeah, I'm like, "First of all, man, that would be my version of a nightmare." I love that there's a switch on the wall, I push it down the light goes on, I push it down, the light goes off. There's a little dimmer that's about as fancy-


Charlie: -uh, as fancy as I want to get with the light switch.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: You're 100% right by the way 'cause I didn't do that in my house and I wish I did.

Charlie: Yeah. There's certain things that we just don't need to improve upon.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Light switches, keys-

Rob: Those are time tested, thousands of years those have worked. [crosstalk]

Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Glenn: That's right. That's right. Yeah. No, sometimes analog really is better.

Rob: So listener and creep, you don't wanna be rich. You don't wanna be rich. It's not that great as we- as we can- as we can see.

Glenn: That's-that's exactly right.

Rob: It's better to just have your Ford Taurus with the-- you know, don't worry about what Glenn's got.

Charlie: Well, no. Even though, it doesn't matter-- it-- like--

Rob: It's just what--

Charlie: The cheapest economy car they're probably making still probably doesn't have a key and a- and a turn to-- everything's like a button now.

Glenn: Yeah. But the-- but most cars have a backup key in the fob or whatever. Like there's some ba-- and their backup system is, it just reads the chip. Well, what happens when the fob malfunctions? 'Cause when I tell you everything went wrong, I mean everything went wrong. I got a new battery for the fob and it didn't work. Then I discovered it's not really the battery, there's something wrong, like the fob's not talking to the car. So now there's literally no way for me to get my car out of there. So I'm like, "I gotta tow it." Car won't go in tow mode. I'm gonna ruin the car.

Rob: At one point did you like-- I'm realizing I have my key here-- my fob here. At one point did you hold the-- were you screaming at the fob?


Glenn: No, no. I didn't scream at the fob.

Rob: Are you sure?

Glenn: I'm sure.

Rob: Because I-I-I'mma--

Meg: Did you blame the car?

Rob: I-I think I would. I think it's--

Charlie: Rob, if we were writing- if we were writing this for Dennis, the-the runs would be really great. It would be probably insufferable--

Glenn: Hold on, let's do that. Let's not even talk about it. Let's do an episode where Dennis gets a new car-

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -an electric car.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: We're doing this. Okay. Uh--

Charlie: I think--

Rob: This-this being like the totem for the car and-and having a relationship with this is really funny.

Glenn: The whole episode would just be me stuck in a parking garage-


Glenn: -and yelling at a key fob.

Meg: You all alone, yeah.

Charlie: I think it's-- you were just screaming, "Insufferable," and trying to say, "Technology," but not being able to get through the word technology-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -back to insufferable.


Charlie: Like, uh, like, "Insufferable, techno-- sufferable." Like that would be a good Dennis.


Glenn: This will be something that you write 'cause this is your specialty.

Charlie: "Insufferable." You know.

Glenn: Well, I mean, that is what happened. I mean, technology completely and totally failed me, and then- and then Tesla Roadside, uh, failed me. And then Tesla vehicle support failed me. I was on the phone with these people from nine thirty in the morning until uh six o'clock at night-

Meg: What?

Glenn: -trying to figure this out. I probably spoke to 12 people over at Tesla. Everybody from Roadside would then be like, "Well, we can't." And then they would send me to vehicle support, then they would send me to Roadside, and I would go back and forth and back and forth.

Charlie: They can just send you a guy with a charged up fob to--

Glenn: Nope. That's not a thing.

Charlie: Oh, man.

Glenn: That's what I said. I-- that's what I said to-- Finally-- by the way, I also had a very difficult time getting through to any of these people. So finally I called sales and I was like, "This motherfucker better pick up."

Charlie: "Sir, I hear you but you are not getting through to me."


Glenn: Right-right-right. Uh, but I was like, "Uh, you know-you know who is going to pick up the phone? Someone in sales." And that was exactly right, that's exactly what happened. Within two minutes I was on the phone with somebody from sales-

Charlie: Uh.

Glenn: -lacing into this guy and I was like, "You guys lost a customer today. I've been- I've been a Tesla customer for 10 years, you lost a customer today. This is fucked up." And I was like, "I don't mean to berate you. I know it's not your fault, but you guys have got to fix this 'cause this is crazy. I can't get my car out of a parking garage." You know.

And-and-and the technicians that I was speaking to on the phone, we would get-- I would get through the whole explanation, they would ask-- they would troubleshoot with me, I'd be like, "Tried it, tried it, tried it, tried it." We would get to the end of the call and they'd go, "Well, I guess there's nothing we can do."

Meg: What?

Glenn: And I'd be like, "What do you mean there's nothing you can do?"

Charlie: "Sir, you chose to park your car in a garage."

Rob: I'll say, I caught you at a moment of Zen though because I spoke to you midday Saturday-

Glenn: Yeah. I got to a real happy place and I'm not even kidding.

Rob: -and you-- Yeah.

Glenn: I got to an amazing, amazing place. I really needed that.

Rob: He was telling me the story, he was laugh-- he was laughing as he was telling the story.

Glenn: Yeah-yeah-yeah

Meg: Wow.

Glenn: And this was, by the way, probably five hours in and my car had been stuck there since the night before. What time did we talk around, do you think?

Rob: Midday-midday.

Glenn: Maybe like one o'clock in the afternoon, something like that, right? So I-I'd been-- I'd been at the D-- I'd been at the-- in this building. Like basically I'm friends with everybody in security, all the construction guys outside, everybody's [crosstalk].

Rob: They're all laughing at you. "They're the other buds of mine."

Glenn: Well, you know what's funny?

Rob: "These fucking dickheads."

Glenn: No-no-no-no. No, actually one of the guys, his name was Eddie, I remember him, he was one of the construction guys and he had a Model 3. [crosstalk] So he had a Tesla and he was like, "Let me help you figure this out." By the way, this is- this is- this is one of the things that got me to a very Zen place, technology completely failed me, okay? But humanity completely saved me.

To a person, almost every single person that I encountered, uh, I wasn't even asking for their help, I was just asking for their patience. I was like, "I've got to get this car out. I know that it's in a tow-away spot, whatever, like just--" Everybody was so nice, so helpful, so kind, so accommodating. It was-- I didn't know people were still like that.

Rob: What's the resolution?

Glenn: Okay, so the resolution to this story--

Rob: I mean, what happened? As-as far as we know, the car is still there.

Glenn: I abandoned it again. I went home again. Now, I-I had-- this-this car is like completely across town from where I live, right? So that's the other thing too is I would call people from Tesla from my house and they'd be like, "Are you with the car now?" And I'd be like, "Nope." "Uh, well, uh, it's gonna be hard to troubleshoot with you- with you not near the car," and I'm like, [chuckles].


Rob: I can't wait to write this episode.

Glenn: "I'm gonna kill somebody. I gotta kill someone. It's not you because I don't know how to get to you, but someone's gonna die today if you can't help me follow-- figure this out." Um--

Meg: So humanity is beautiful, but you also wanna kind of snuff it out.

Glenn: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, I'll snuff a little bit of it out.

Glenn: Finally, I spoke to a woman who said, "I do know a tow truck company that has a tow truck that's low enough to get in that garage. And he can jack it up, put it on-- put your wheels onto wheels." Not on a flatbed, but there's this-- this is like, bar that they put under it. So your wheels are actually sitting on the bar, and now there's wheels. And that is eventually what happened at 9:30 at night. I'd been there from 9:30 in the morning, basically until 9:30 at night, with a little break in-between where I went home. I hadn't had-- didn't eat a meal the fucking entire day, by the way. I had-- I was-- Yeah. Um--

Rob: You were fasting.

Glenn: I was fasting.

Rob: You may be Siddhartha.

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: You may be the Buddha.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: You may have just gone through a transformation.

Glenn: I'm Siddhartha Gautama.

Meg: You’ve achieved enlightenment.


Rob: Interesting-interesting.

Glenn: Um, yeah, I-- i-it was- it was enlightening. And, uh, and, yeah, eventually I did get the car towed out of there. Was able to use the app, the fob still doesn't work. I told my son yesterday, we were driving around, I was like, "Please don't let me park in a parking garage, 'cause that is absolutely something I would do."

Meg: Oh, no.

Glenn: Absolutely, without a doubt, 100%, I am the type of person that would completely forget. Like, the second that all was behind me, I was like, "Oh, my car." I was so grateful that I could absolutely see myself going underground in a parking garage and being like, "Oh, my God. I did it again."

Charlie: Well, that should be an option, you know?


Charlie: Like-like-

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -parking in a parking garage should be an option-

Glenn: I gotta get the fob fixed.

Charlie: -for all vehicles.

Glenn: I gotta get the fob fixed.

Charlie: You gotta get the fob fixed.

Glenn: Yeah, I gotta get the fob fixed. Anyway, so that's me coming in hot, but also me coming in enlightened.

Rob: Mm-hmm. Yeah.


Glenn: Me coming in, uh, with a certain feeling of surrender.

Rob: Yeah.

Meg: That's good.

Glenn: And uh--

Rob: Rich guy moment of Zen.

Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah

Meg: [laughs]

Glenn: Yeah, you know, listen, I-I-I'm-I'm just gonna go ahead and move past the fact that I'm not allowed to complain about everything 'cause that's what this whole thing is for.

Rob: No, you-- of course you are.

Charlie: That's right, you live your life and-and you know--

Glenn: Uh, you gotta be able to-- You just gotta be able--

Rob: You gotta be able to gripe.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: If you can't complain about your Tesla, what-what can you complain about?


Glenn: Well, that's the thing. Well, by the way that's--

Rob: We could complain about our television show, which is what-

Glenn: Well-well, by the way-

Rob: -this whole podcast.

Glenn: -can I just-- and we will get back to that. But I-I will say that was the other moment of surrender, that it was not just faith in humanity restored, but it was also realizing-- and this was actually the first moment that I had was where I was like, "I-I am so fortunate as a human being, and I'm so grateful for the wonderful friends and family that I have, um, and the resources that I have. The fact that I get to work in a profession that I love, I'm extraordinarily fortunate," and that, I think--

Rob: But I think that's what makes the-- you, uh, your rant, or a situation where you get into-- like, basically this-this whole story. I think it-- what makes it fun and funny to us, and certainly to me, is that I know you have that perspective. So I know that-- 'Cause otherwise you'd just be a--

Glenn: I have that gear. That's-that's actually my main gear.

Rob: Yeah, you have that gear, sure, but you also have the perspective. Like, basically what you, what you just said, you have gratitude and understanding of like, how ridiculous it might be, so--

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And if you didn't, then you'd just be like a miserable cunt, but you're not. And so-

Glenn: Yeah-yeah, right-right.

Rob: -so, but so when you find yourself in cunty, uh, in a- in a cunty mood, it's really funny.


Glenn: Yeah, right-right-right.


Glenn: Yeah. Oh, I see, that's--

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -you're saying-- yeah, it's funny because-because it's not ultimately who I am in my core.

Rob: That's not who you are.

Charlie: Because you have enough awareness about it that--

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: Yeah, yes.

Rob: And then you have the self-loathing and guilt that come-- that's associated with feeling those things-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -because you recognize all the things that you just said.

Glenn: I wish I-- I just wish-- I do wish I could be calmer, even in the big-- Like, I wish I never even had to-- I'd love to get to a place where I didn't even have to scream and get angry, but just be like, just immediately be able to surrender, and just be like, "Okay, there's a fix to this, and this might take some time."

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: "And we're just gonna-- we gonna figure it out, but there's nothing I could do. I am not in control, life is good." You know what I mean?

Rob: But that is what enlightenment is.

Meg: That ain't funny.

Glenn: Yes, that is little-- that ain't funny.

Meg: [laughs]

Glenn: But that ain't funny.

Charlie: It ain't funny. That shit ain't funny.

Rob: The Buddha ain't funny.

Glenn: Buddha ain't funny.

Glenn: He's jolly.

Charlie: He's kinda funny.

Rob: He's funny- he's funny looking.

Charlie: He's fat.



Glenn: Yeah, he's jolly looking.

Rob: Funny looking but he--

Meg: But nobody-nobody likes that when you're in conflict and rage.

Rob: He's not doing a set up at the Store on Saturday night.

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah

Glenn: That would be funny, I would love to see, like a [crosstalk] like a hardcore enlightened Buddha-- Buddhist set at the Comedy Store.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: You know what I mean?

Meg: What that would be like.

Glenn: What would that be? What would that be? That's a good bit to try, and somebody needs to do that sketch. I'm not a sketch writer, but I'd like to see that.

Charlie: An-an enlightened Buddha stand-up set? -

Glenn: Yeah-yeah.

Rob: I don't know, how do you-- How can you--

Glenn: I don't know enough about Buddhism to subvert things and you know-- like I-I-I know very little. I know-- I don't know.

Charlie: But like, he has no suffering, you know, he has- he has no suffering. You know, everyone suffers, right? You guys suffer.


Charlie: Funny thing, right? So I'm-I'm suffering the other day, and I realize-

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: -you know, I'm saying to myself, "Wait a second, if I just like don't fight it, is that enlightened?" And that would be like his catchphrase.

Glenn: Oh, that's his catchphrase. Yeah. [laughs] Yeah. [laughter]

Charlie: You know what I mean? Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.

Rob: What if he-he's got the catchphrase of, uh, you know-- If your- if your Tesla, um, won't start in a parking garage, and you don't get angry, you might be a Buddhist.

Charlie: Sure he's got a Jeff Foxworthy.

Rob: He's got a Jeff Foxworthy, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah.


Charlie: How's everybody doing tonight? Just wanna start with, I don't need your laughter.

Glenn: I hope you do laugh, because laughing will bring you joy, but if you don't, it matters not to me.

Charlie: Joy and pain are, uh, equal sides of the same coin. You know what I'm talking about?


Charlie: Uh, well--

Meg: This guy knows.

Charlie: This guy knows.

Glenn: This guy gets it.

[quirky music]

Rob: We're now going to take a moment out of this podcast to talk about some real ship.

Charlie: Oh, ship with a P, yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Of course, we're talking about ShipStation, which integrates with every online platform to manage all your shipping from one simple dashboard.

Glenn: It's, uh, it's an absolutely invaluable tool to maximize sales and save time with minimal effort.

Rob: Remember in season 15 when Charlie and Dee are losing their minds with orders for Garments and Varmints?

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Well, think what a helping hand like ShipStation would provide for their business.

Glenn: Ah, that would've been huge. Join over 130,000 companies who have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation. 98% of which become, uh, customers for life after using it for a year. I mean, there's-there's tons of great names in there, including one of my personal faves, Siete Foods. Have you guys had that?

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: 'Cause that's good Ship.

Rob: So, ship more and grow more with ShipStation. Go to shipstation.com today and sign up with promo code, "Sunny," for a free 60-day trial.

Glenn: Rob's right, start today and get set up before the biggest shipping season of the year, that's two months free. Two-- are you hearing me? Two months for free. Visit shipstation.com, that's ship with a P, shipstation.com, click the microphone at the top and type in code "Sunny."

Charlie: So whether you're starting small or you're scaling up, ShipStation makes ship happen.

Glenn: Yeah, don't go to shitstation.com.

Charlie: That's a whole other thing.

Glenn: I've been there-

Charlie: That's a whole other thing, yeah-yeah.

Glenn: -and it's-- you don't wanna see what's on there.

Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

["It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" theme music]

Rob: My dudes, um.

Charlie: Go.

Rob: I was wondering, how do you feel about sitting in silence?

Charlie: [gasps] Not good, man.

Glenn: It's uncomfortable.

Charlie: Not good.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: It's uncomfortable, I don't think anybody really-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -truly likes sitting in silence, Rob. I don't know.

Rob: Uh, sure, but, uh, do you know what else no one wants?

Charlie: What's that?

Rob: To hear what the stranger next to them is listening to, because they're playing something out loud like a jabroni and aren't using earbuds.

Glenn: Oh my God, no. Abs-- No, that's unacceptable.

Charlie: No, it is.

Rob: Okay, or what about listening to the YouTube videos your kids are listening to in the backseat?

Charlie: Mm, that's the worst.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: You don't want that. You don't want that.

Rob: All of this pain and frustration could be avoided if everyone would just grab themselves a pair of Raycons to listen to their favorite album or go to podcast, which better be ours.

Glenn: Dude, totally, absolutely. Raycon's everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever. They're half the price of the other premium audio brands. I love mine, they're awesome.

Charlie: That's a good thing. So, uh, you know what also I appreciate about them? Um, the gel tips, you know what I mean? Uh, they're very comfortable. They're comfortable, that they don't budge, you know, so you feel like you can go on a run. That's the thing like, I wanna be able to run around, jump up and down, hit a golf ball. I don't want my earbuds falling out and, uh, with the Raycons on, that's not gonna happen.

Glenn: Depending on what you're up to, you can switch between noise isolation and awareness mode. So you have both total quiet, or you can hear the music, but you can also hear what's going on around you.

Rob: When I'm out and about, I like to keep one ear open just in case Rob Justice needs to step in to a situation.

Charlie: Just in case if-- yeah. Just needs to-- yeah, mm-hmm.

Glenn: What have you been listening to on your Raycons lately?

Rob: Uh, podcasts. I-I listen to books on tape myself.

Charlie: Uh, yeah, music.

Rob: Well, they call it "books on tape," there's no more tape anymore.

Charlie: You guys listen to music? I like music.

Rob: I like some music.

Charlie: I like music a lot.

Glenn: What kind of music do you listen to these days?

Charlie: Oh, man, I've been listening to a lot of like, Bernard Herman scores. So he, like, scored like, uh, Vertigo, and all these Hitchcock movies-

Glenn: Mm.

Charlie: -Taxi Driver, and like--

Glenn: That's cool

Rob: That's fun.

Charlie: Oh man, that guy's amazing.

Glenn: And how's that sound on the Raycons?

Charlie: Oh, like you're in the movie.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Um, anyways. All right, creeps, go to buyraycon.com/sunny, and use the code "Sunny today" to get 15% off your Raycon order.

Rob: That's code "Sunny" at buyraycon.com/sunny to score 15% off.

Glenn: That's right, buyraycon, Raycon is spelled R-A-Y-C-O-N.com/sunny, code "Sunny."

[smooth orchestral music]

Glenn: I'm not always a great storyteller, I will fully admit because I get bogged down in the details.

Charlie: Well, only cause you didn't have a great story.


Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Even when I do though, even when I do--

Charlie: You know, that-that story was, "My Tesla was in a parking garage, I couldn't start it, and it pissed me off."


Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Which ultimately isn't as good-

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: -as like a French lady, you know, being rude to Rob-

Glenn: Well, that's--

Charlie: -or some guy at the hamburger store.


Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Him-him deciding whether to get his double bats out, you know?

Glenn: I know--


Charlie: That's a-- It's a better story.

Glenn: 100%, no. 100% you're right and I debated not even telling the story, 'cause I was like, "I don't know this," but then I was like, "You know what? I'll just do it and if it's not good, we'll just cut that. Cut that, cut that, cut that."

Charlie: I'll tell you what is a good story, uh, Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack.

Glenn: It is.

Meg: Yes.

Glenn: It is a great story.

Rob: It's great.

Charlie: That is a good story.

Glenn: So we did the "Who's More Healthier" thing in honor of this, uh, episode-

Charlie: We did.

Glenn: -but we still have not talked about the actual episode, which, uh, I feel like I've heard multiple people say this is one that they point to when they try to get their friends into the show.

Charlie: Mm.

Glenn: Like I feel like this is one of those ones that people--

Meg: Classic.

Glenn: Yeah, kind of go back to.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: It's interesting, 'cause Danny's story's so weird in this one, like--

Charlie: Danny's story is a weird, like direct, let's do One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -and put him in, like, a literal One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest situation.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Meg: Even had the actor, right, that's the son of the--

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: Yes, um--

Rob: Chief.

Glenn: Yeah, Tim Sampson.

Meg: Tim Sampson.

Charlie: Tim Sampson. Well, Tim Sampson was the guy in Cuckoo's Nest.

Glenn: No, Will Sampson was the one in-in Cuckoo's Nest.


Charlie: Will Sampson played chief in "Cuckoo's Nest," and we had his son.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. We had his son, Tim Sampson-Sampson, play the chief in, uh,-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -in our episode of Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack. One was an Oscar-winning film, and the other one was an episode of, uh--

Meg: Half an episode.

Rob: Emmy nominated.

Glenn: An Emmy-nominated half hour sitcom.

Rob: Well, it's-it's a half hour sitcom of-of an Emmy-nominated television show.

Glenn: Yeah

Charlie: Oh, for, uh, stunt coordination?

Rob: For stunt coordination, yeah.

Glenn: Shout out to Marc Scizak-

Charlie: Well, I mean-

Glenn: -in stunts.

Charlie: -he threw that thing through the window and that's a stunt.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: So--

Glenn: So [crosstalk].

Charlie: And then Danny, like, climbed the fence at the end of the thing, and he really was just kind of climbing and stuck, and we just rolled credits over-over [crosstalk], which was really kind of fun.

Meg: [laughs]

Glenn: Yeah, it was great. Yeah. We were like, we-- And I think we knew we might roll credits over it, so we were like, "Just keep going, just go as far as you can go, and we'll just keep rolling on it." And sure enough, yeah.

Charlie: Well--

Glenn: And we played-- Was that the song from-- that song from--

Rob: Sure sounds like it.

Glenn: I think that's from Cuckoo's Nest. I think we actually got--

Charlie: It is- it is- it is.

Glenn: It is, right?

Charlie: It is the-- yeah-yeah. Um, because they're playing a saw, that's a saw.

Glenn: Yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Charlie: It's-- which, you know, if people don't know, you can bend a saw like a-

Glenn: Right.

Charlie: -and take a violin bow and it makes that [mimics saw sound].

Glenn: How do you know what that is? You can just tell by the sound?

Charlie: It's just such a specific noise.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Rob: I think I remember us looking that up at the time too.

Charlie: [mimics saw sound]

Glenn: That sounds like a theremin.

Charlie: Yeah, it's a weird noise.

Glenn: Those are also fucking cool, I'd love to have a theremin. I've-- I-I see people playing the theremin and I'm like, "Oh, I wanna do that."

Charlie: A theremin is an amazing thing where it's like a electric wave and you just move your hand through the wave-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -and it changes the tone of-- the pitch of the wave.

Glenn: I want-- How much is a theremin? I'm gonna get one.

Charlie: Uh, you-you-you can get a theremin.

Rob: Well, let's get one for the- for the pod.

Glenn: Can-can we get a theremin?

Charlie: I used to have a theremin.

Meg: Sure.

Glenn: Can we get-- Let's get a theremin and let's just-just play with it-

Meg: We can get whatever you guys want.

Glenn: -'cause I think people think theremins are cool. I-I-I--

Meg: I'll get us one.

Charlie: We'll get a cool theremin.

Glenn: We're gonna get a theremin.


Rob: Can we get a saw?

Glenn: Let's get a saw.

Charlie: Let's get a saw and a- and a bow-

Meg: And a bow? Okay.

Charlie: -and see if any of us can m-make noise on it.

Rob: This episode has the most popular meme from our television show.

Meg: That's true.

Charlie: Yes, I mean, the storyline--

Glenn: Right. It's gotta be, right?

Charlie: You're in my storyline in the mail room is-- And you know, at the office and with the Day Bow Bow-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: -is so funny, so good. Also, great directing by Matt Shakman too. I remember they built those shafts for the letters to drop down-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -and we had someone just offset-

Glenn: Mm-hmm. Yeah-yeah.

Charlie: -dumping letters constantly, and it really, like, adds the tension and the flow of it.

Glenn: Was that his idea?

Charlie: Oh yeah.

Glenn: To have just-just--

Charlie: Matt Shakman, yeah.

Glenn: That was Shakman's idea?

Meg: I remember it was coming down all the time, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, and then, um, the, you know, Rob Rosell's monologue that he wrote-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: -is amazing. Take a look at this.

Mac: Jesus Christ, Charlie.

Charlie: That right there is the mail, now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Matt, I'm dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay?

Charlie: A lot of people ask me if Pepe Silvia was supposed to be Pennsylvania.

Rob: Which I don't believe it was.

Charlie: I don't--

Glenn: No.

Rob: In fact, it--

Glenn: Well, we should ask Rosell, I mean we're gonna get him on the show.

Rob: And by the way, it also wasn't supposed to be Pepe Silvia, do you remember that?

Charlie: Oh, was it Silva or something?

Rob: It was Pepe Silva, as in- as in--

Glenn: It was Pepe Silva, yes.

Rob: And Charlie, you just kept saying, Pepe Silvia-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: -and so they cha-- and so we just changed it.

Glenn: But then they had to change the stuff on the set.

Rob: Yeah, and I remember Charlie just going, "Just make it Sylvia, 'cause that's what I keep saying." And so they changed it up on the set.

Glenn: Oh my God, that's right, it was Pepe Silva.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: It was, yeah, but Sylvia just kind of [crosstalk] rolled off the tongue better.

Glenn: But no, it's not a refer-reference to Pennsylvania, but I like that theory, I do like that.

Meg: So-so it was very scripted then, that monologue? Was it--

Charlie: Yeah, I mean-

Glenn: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: -I was probably adding some flourishes, but only because of the speed at which we move it. You know, sometimes it's hard to memorize something that big, because we're just, you know, we're-- shoot 12 pages a day, and-and producing, and all that stuff. So I probably was like-- I don't know. I think I remember I had enough time to just really work that so I-

Glenn: You did.

Charlie: -I had it down cold.

Glenn: Yeah, you had it memorized. [crosstalk] I mean, I remember that.

Charlie: You know what's really weird is that, you know, obviously the meme of me smoking, and pointing at the board with Pepe Silvia-

Glenn: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: -and all the strings, you know, is used all the time for someone who's crazy.

Glenn: Losing their mind, yeah.

Charlie: But like, we didn't invent the string-board thing.

Glenn: No.

Charlie: That had been around in tons of movies and things.

Glenn: Yeah. Now, do they really do that in the-- at-at the FBI and over at-at the police station, are they doing that or is that a TV thing?

Charlie: Do they do the strings?

Glenn: Or is that a TV--

Meg: Now they probably replaced it- they probably replaced it with technology now. And there's probably some guy that's like, "I can't get it in my [crosstalk]."

Glenn: I can't get the string. Yeah-yeah.

Meg: Where-where-- what-what's wrong with the string? You could've just--


Rob: The string worked fine.


Charlie: Yeah, [crosstalk] like--

Rob: Mur-murder is wandering the streets now because we can't- we can't use the string.

Glenn: Because I can't get the string app to work.

Rob: Can't get the string app. Does it work?

Charlie: Can't get the- can't get the stupid string app and like--

Glenn: The CSI app. I've got the CSI app and it's supposed to have all the--

Charlie: There's no Wi-Fi in this parking garage, and this is where the murder took place. And I can't get the string to go to the string.

Glenn: Yeah. Will somebody go to the yarn store and just get some yarn? I'm like, "Well, let me sort this app out because all we need is--"

Rob: No, this is easier. This is easier.


Rob: I'm telling you this is easier. It seems like the string is easier.

Charlie: Do you ever feel like it would've been fun to have been a detective?

Rob: Yes.

Meg: Oh yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: No.

Charlie: Like this-- most people have fantasized about like, "Oh, it'd be really fun to solve a crime."

Meg: Absolutely.

Charlie: I'm sure it's not fun. I'm sure it's mostly like--

Rob: But-- Well, I've talked--

Glenn: It's grisly.

Rob: It's grisly and-

Charlie: Well, yeah, but--

Rob: -it's not like-- the-the detectives that I talked to one-one specifically, who was the father of a friend of mine in high school. He said, "Uh--" I was like, "Well, it's fascinating to be a detective." He's like, "It's the husband, the ex-husband, the brother or the boyfriend. That's it."

Glenn: Until it isn't-

Speaker 3: But, like that--

Charlie: Until it isn't, yeah-yeah.

Glenn: -and then you're fucked.

Rob: Those are the people that are committing almost all of the crimes.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: Sure.

Glenn: Sorry-sorry, so husband-

Rob: Husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend sometimes brother.

Meg: I ask you, Charlie-

Charlie: Mm.

Meg: -if you think you can remember any of the speech, that classic speech.

Charlie: Mm.

Meg: Do you think you still have it memorized?

Charlie: Oh my God.

Meg: Could you do some of that?

Charlie: Yeah, let's talk about the mail. You wanna talk about the mail? I'm dying to talk about the mail. The, uh, that's the top. But this name keeps coming up, Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia. I mean, I-I Pepe--

Glenn: I got boxes full of Pepe.


Charlie: I got boxes full of Pepe. Yeah, I remember that.

Glenn: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Charlie: That's why I marched down the office and then Carol and HR--

Glenn: Carol.


Rob and Charlie: Carol.


Charlie: "There is no Carol in HR."


Charlie: That's a good one.

Glenn: Yeah, it really is, man. And then- and then culminating in the whole Barney thing is just-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -terrific, man. Like, I don't know who that actor was that we got to play Barney, but he just had a presence and it worked.

Charlie: Yeah. He did it great. But then your storyline's amazing too. The whole thing where you go in to work out and then you're arguing-

Meg: Oh yeah.

Charlie: -with the guy, You go out to your car, the audience doesn't know what's going on. You grab something, you come back in and you put Steve Winwood in his CD player.

Dennis: Spin class, come on. Bunch of hamsters on a wheel.

Dee: Yeah. I'm gonna ride a bike hard. I'm gonna ride a bike fast. And, oh yeah, I'm not gonna go anywhere.

Dennis: Yeah. And then when I walk out, I'm gonna put a bunch of metal onto a metal bar and lift that metal over and over, like a metal jerk.

Dee: You know, I gotta be honest with you, I feel like these supplements are doing a great job on their own. You know what I mean? I've got tons of energy. My heart rate's up.

Dennis: Yeah.

Dee: Things are going great.

Dennis: Absolutely. I feel good too. Look how vascular I am. Look at how my veins are popping.

Dee: Holy shit.

Dennis: Yeah. I look good and I feel good.

Dee: I feel good too. Apart from the recent bouts of explosive diarrhea.

Dennis: Oh, you've been having diarrhea?

Dee: Oh, God. All over the place.

Dennis: Really? Well, you know what that is? That's probably your body flushing out all the toxins.

Dee: You think so?

Dennis: I do think so. Yeah-yeah. I on the other hand have not taken a shit in days.

Dee: Days?

Dennis: Days.

Dee: That doesn't sound good.

Dennis: Oh, no, no. It's good. My body's working at 100% efficiency. Yeah. My body is absorbing every single nutrient and it's not wasting a single thing.

Charlie: That guy who plays a spin instructor nailed it.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. He was hilarious.

Meg: [crosstalk] give up a-- Oh yeah, I have his name too.

Glenn: Oh, you do? Yeah. Let's call- let's call him out. He was great.

Meg: Um, yeah. Uh, Danso Gordon [crosstalk].

Glenn: Danso Gordon.

Charlie: He killed it.

Glenn: Yeah. He was-

Meg: [crosstalk] very funny.

Glenn: I love--

Meg: And then when you come back in, "That's a gift for you, bumblebee." Right?


Meg: That's what you say, because--

Rob: Now that was not scripted.

Glenn: That was on the day.

Rob: That was just on the day he was dressed like a bumblebee.

Glenn: Yeah, so we were just like-- yeah.

Rob: So he called it- called it out.

Glenn: Called him a bumblebee.

Rob: And I don't even know that Coach Dicken Balls was--


Meg: Coach Dicken Balls, yeah.

Glenn: No, Coach Dicken Balls wasn't in the script either.


Glenn: No. That was all Kaitlin. That was all Kaitlin. [laughs]

Meg: That's great. You and, uh, I will say Den-- when Dennis and Dee like team up, I love those storylines when you guys just like get on the same page about something-

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: -and you're like in total agreement.

Glenn: Mm.

Meg: It was like-- it's just really fun to watch.

Charlie: There's a lot of good-- like where the camera is aiding the joke as well. Like that's a great one where you--

Glenn: 'Cause it's a oner.

Charlie: Yeah. You-- it's a oner. You don't know what's gonna happen. The other one where we just put-put the mirror down and then reveal that you've got the collagen in your eye and your eye is all swollen.

Meg: Oh yes.


Meg: It's all droopy and--

Glen: Yeah.

Charlie: It's just a good, like, tactical bit--

Meg: She does a good [mimics surprised gasp] like-ish noise too.


Glenn: Oh yeah.

Rob: "I would kill for your bowel movements."


Glenn: Oh yeah. That's in that scene too.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. No, I-- but I-I-I do think like the-the-- I-I-- my favorite storyline in the whole thing is-is the two of you guys, um, you know-- I mean it's the scene of, you know, you going into the office and Day Bow Bow-- like the whole bringing up of Day Bow Bow like-- which, if you didn't grow up watching those '80s movies, it was in multiple--

Rob: It was in multiple.

Glenn: It was in Ferris Bueller, right?

Rob: Ferris Bueller and Secret of My Success were the two biggest ones.

Glenn: And Secret of My Success. Right-right-right. Those-those are the two that I remember.

Rob: We made three movie references in this episode. Three.

Glenn: Okay. Which-- yeah. Yeah, right. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Meg: Cuckoo's Nest. Secret Of My Success.

Glenn: Secret Of My Success and--

Meg: There's a third one.

Rob: A big one. We just talked about it.

Charlie: Beautiful Mind?

Rob: Yeah. That we-- Yeah. You reveal-- Beautiful Mind had come out around that time. And the idea that-that he was seeing this like person that didn't exist [crosstalk].

Glenn: Was that a movie? I don't think I finished that movie. I think I watched like an hour of it and I was like, "Yeah, he's smart-"


Glenn: "-but he crazy. I get it."

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: We won't talk about it so much, but also that-- because we're gonna have Michael Naughton as a guest, but the scene where he interviews Mark and Charlie for the job is incredible.

Glenn: Okay, so that scene was very, very short on the page.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, when you watch it-- yeah, because the-- we've seen the outtakes of it so many times and the outtakes are so fun. And then you see the actual scene yourself and it's like, "Eh."

Glenn: It's a blip. It's a blip.

Rob: Fine. Yeah and the-- I-I remember it being so much longer.

Charlie: There's been a few moments doing these re-watches where, yeah, either the outtakes or our cut scene were actually funnier than what is in the show.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: But sometimes you can't like-- you know, even though the outtakes are funny, you can't really be in that scene for-

Glenn: You have to stop down the whole episode to do a bit-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -that really doesn't push the story forward at all.

Charlie: Exactly.

Glenn: Like, it doesn't progress the story in any way. It doesn't get-- you got-- you're not supposed to be coming out of there hot because this guy was giving you a hard time, like--

Charlie: No.

Glenn: Nothing. It didn't. So, you just had-- when things like that--

Charlie: The whole thing is that we'll-we'll-we'll do one job for half the pay, and so that's how-- that's why he-

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: You don't even have to pay us.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Meg: And then he's like, "Well, legally, I have to pay you a minimum wage. That's the government salary."

Charlie: Yeah, government salary. Yeah.

Glenn: I just remember being tickled by Michael Naughton sitting behind the-the cameras and just watching the whole thing and just watching this guy. It's always such a pleasure when you work with somebody who you feel like just gets it. Like, just gets what it is. Not even to say that other people who don't get it aren't funny, but people who get-- what I mean is like people who get what it is that we're doing, and he just got it. He just got it right away. Played it totally real, yet everything that came out of his mouth was funny. His timing was good--

Rob: Did we ever justify, so that-- so much so that we brought him back multiple-- Did-- yeah, did we ever suggest that he-- that those are the same people?

Charlie: No, I don't think so.

Glenn: We knew-

Rob: The waiter? No.

Charlie: No.

Glenn: No. We never said no, but-but we did talk about it and our justification was, there's no reason why this guy couldn't have been working in this office and then lost that job and had to go back to his waiting gig. And then we did establish that he-- I think he was trying to be some other things, but--

Rob: It might be amazing to have- to have Michael Naughton back, but not as the waiter character, as the character who worked in HR or-or who hired us from--

Charlie: As a different person?

Rob: As a different person [crosstalk] and it turns out that they're just different people. Maybe they're- maybe they're twins or maybe they're just different--

Charlie: Have them play two characters, you know.

Rob: Yes-yes.

Charlie: And then like, neither of them can see the similarity. They don't see it at all.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Right.

Meg: And you guys recognize that twin?

Rob: Yeah. Well, he-

Meg: He never recognized the waiter, but he's not the guy you're thinking of.

Rob: That's really funny- that's really funny.

Glenn: That's-that's amazing.

Rob: Charlie and I run into-to that guy, and we're like, "Oh, hey man. You hired us at the--" [laughs]

Charlie: It's funny.


Rob: "We worked in the mail room."

Glenn: He's like, "Oh, right, the twofer." Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: I remember that.

Rob: And the waiter's is there like, "W-what? And you are? You have a twin?"

Glenn: "And you- and you would be?"


Charlie: That's another thing I'd forgotten about that episode is that we'd been fired but we're still there, you know.

Glenn: Yeah. Oh-oh, yeah, right. You established that like, "Oh, no, we were fired like--"

Charlie: "We've already been fired."

Glenn: "We've already been fired."

Meg: "I have mail halfway to Siberia." That's what you say about the pink slips, yeah.


Charlie: Yeah-yeah.

Glenn: I also like the continued like, bad advice, like, "You need to calm down, have a cigarette and a cup of coffee if you need to calm down."

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Drink more coffee.

Glenn: Yeah, drink more [crosstalk], "I've been drinking coffee."

Meg: I also love when you are delivering the mail in that scene and you're making up those little rhymes for everybody. And you're like-

Charlie: "Mr. White, whose wife is not very bright."

Meg: His wife is not too bright.

Glenn: I think you improv'd- I think you improv'd that, too.

Charlie: I did improv that. Yeah-yeah.

Meg: That's so funny.

Glenn: Yeah, I don't think any of that was in the script either.

Charlie: No.

Glenn: Yeah, that's always fun.

Meg: [laughs]

Rob: Oh, that's you- that's you on the other end of the phone call.

Charlie: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, when you slip into the office [crosstalk] and you're in Johnson's office and--

Rob: So clearly you.

Glenn: [chuckles] Yeah. That, yeah.

Charlie: "This is Johnson."

Glenn: Yeah. [laughs]

Johnson: Who are you and why are you in my office?

Rob: Who's this?

Johnson: This is Johnson.

Rob: Oh, I-I-I-I thought you were in Orlando.

Johnson: I am in Orlando. I'm trying to check my voicemail.

Meg: A very funny from Rob, like hanging up of the phone very slowly.


Charlie: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah. That's very--

Glenn: Were you- were you- were you- did you do like a-- [groans]

Rob: We had established earlier in the episode where you were like, [grunts] "Well, dude, I'll get, ugh."


Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Meg: How does that movie end?

Charlie: I think it was just-- It was Rob.

Glenn: Yeah.


Glenn: Hey guys, um, what comes to your mind when you think about the word versatility? You know what I mean? 'Cause if it's not your workout shorts, chances are, you're not working out with Vuori shorts, okay?

Rob: Or lounging with Vuori. Their performance-minded apparel is perfect for running, training, swimming, and yoga. But it is also perfect for running errands, or doing chores, or just sitting around your house on your ass.

Charlie: I'm gonna read what needs to be read, but I'm super into my Vuori shorts.

Glenn: Genuinely.

Charlie: And if you find a pair that can give you all those things and still look great and be next-level comfy, my friend, that is capital V, versatility.

Glenn: Vuori are the most versatile and comfortable workout clothes I've ever owned, and you know, whichever letters they do or do not put on their clothes, they offset 100%, this is cool, they offset 100% of their carbon and plastic footprint, which makes me very happy.

Rob: It's true. Vuori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners, they are offering 20% off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at vuori.com/sunnypod. That's V-U-O-R-I.com/sunnypod.

Charlie: Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping, uh, on any US orders over $75 and free returns, you know, if it doesn't fit. Um, go to vuori.com/sunnypod and discover the versatility of Vuori clothing.

[quirky music]

Rob: Have you guys gotten your colonoscopies?

Charlie: No.

Glenn: No, man.

Rob: Come on. You gotta do it.

Glenn: It messes up your-your-your bowel flora.

Charlie: [chuckles]

Meg: So does colon cancer.

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: Yeah. So, yeah, colon cancer can do the same. That'll fuck- that'll fuck with your flora.

Glenn: Well, but if you've got the right flora, you can- you can- you can battle it.

Charlie: Well, here's the thing. I mean, health is such a-- it's such a weird-- Like, okay, so you could have the best, uh, cholesterol, not the best blood pressure or testosterone, but the best cholesterol. Um, and then you could be like, uh, I don't know, fucking bit by a fucking mosquito with malaria and die in a week. You might be the healthiest today and then something might happen next week and you're not, you know. Like that has nothing to do with your diet or your exercise. It could be like environmental, it could be accidental.

Rob: Well, I was talking to a, uh, a doctor who we interviewed for, uh, our documentary series, uh, Welcome to Wrexham. And she was talking about-- she was talking about relationships and she was talking about friendships. And she said that there have been major studies, uh, and I'm gonna choose to believe her, that, uh, suggests that the greatest indicator of a long and healthy life is not your cholesterol or your blood pressure. Uh, it is not obesity or diabetes or anything like that. It's having friends.

Glenn: I think you're right. I think you're 100% right, and I think it's-

Rob: The more friends you have the longer you live.

Glenn: And also I would say like your diversity of friends too, because like, I consider everybody who helped me with that whole Tesla situation a friend. You know what I mean? Um, they're not people that I would normally-

Rob: Did you guys change numbers?

Glenn: I did, yes.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Uh, these are not people that I-I normally interact with 'cause they're not in the entertainment business and most of the people that I talk to are in the entertainment business or they go to school with my kid or they're on my kid's soccer team. Like, that's the extent of my life 'cause that's all I really have room for. You know what I mean? But I think that's unfortunate. I think that's really unfortunate. I really do 'cause I really liked these people. Thought they were wonderful.

Charlie: Your Tesla friends.

Rob: Your Tesla friends.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. My stranded car friends.

Rob: Well depend-- regardless of how I-- healthy or unhealthy, I-I am and we've established that I'm the least healthy of the group, um, although I fit into a range of-of-of healthy-ish. Um, I just like to say I'm-I'm happy that I'm friends with you guys and with you Meg, and that I-I-I like to believe I'm gonna live a very long life because of it.

Glenn: Man, fuck you. Um, all right. Fuck him, right?

Charlie: Yeah. Go fuck yourself, man.

Glenn: Go fuck yourself, dude.

Charlie: That was real lame.

Glenn: That was super fucking lame.

Rob: [laughs]

Charlie: You know, like [crosstalk].

Meg: The testosterone shouldn't cause that, all this being friends. You should--

Rob: I was-- I've-I've been enlightened by Glenn's rich guy story. [crosstalk].

Glenn: I truly am. I was joking about being a blade of grass on one of the more-more recent episodes, but now I-I truly am a-a blade of grass. But soon that grass will dry up and harden again and I will break.

Charlie: Grass dies too.

Glenn: And grass dies quickly.

Charlie: Yeah, quickly.

Rob: It's gonna happen in about six weeks when I ask you, uh, how much you've hung out with your new friends that you've-- whose numbers you've exchanged, and you're gonna say zero.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And then Charlie and I are gonna rip into you and then-

Glenn: You're absolutely gonna lace into me?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Well--

Rob: You're gonna get upset.

Glenn: Yeah, no, you're-you're-you're-you're absolutely right. Uh, you're absolutely right about that. Um, I-I don't know if I'm gonna hang out with Renee in security over at the DGA, but I tell you what, next time I see him, next time I'm in the DGA building, I don't know if he wants a hug from me.


Glenn: 'Cause, that might be weird, but--

Charlie: Ask him if he wants to go see Buddha at the Comedy Store.

Glenn: Yeah. "You wanna go see Siddhartha Gautam at the--"

Rob: "You're gonna have to drive Renee 'cause I can't get my fucking car."


Glenn: 'Cause I made the mistake of-- Yeah, I did that again. Uh, anyway, How are you, Renee? Um, Renee was wonderful. As was David, the other security guard that was helping me out. Wonderful people. Eddie, the T-- the-the construction guy. I can't remember my tow truck operator. He was a real character. Can't remember his name. It's driving me crazy. I was trying to think of that this morning. I was like, "Dammit, what was his name?" So I really liked him. But the dispatcher's name was India. [snores loudly]


Glenn: That sound on a joke. Hey Charlie Chuckles, what you got buddy?


Rob: The Buddha [crosstalk] give us a Buddha joke.

Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Glenn: You're sitting on a Buddha joke.

Charlie: Anyone out here live in a temple? Anybody?


Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Any temple dwe- any temple dwellers?

Rob: Oh, up in Topanga.


Charlie: You know, I had a guy come to my temple the other day. He said he wants to put all the lights on a Wi-Fi. I am like, uh--

Rob: [laughs]

Charlie: -damn-damn. Like, uh, well, there's really no point in the punchline because, you know, that's-- that would equal happiness-

Glenn: We don't punch people.

Charlie: -which is the same as sadness and we don't punch people. Ah, I said, "Who-who needs light? I'm already enlightened."

Meg: Nice.


Charlie: [mimics drum sting]

Meg: Very good.

Glenn: Aaaah.

Rob: I'll be here all week.

Charlie: I'll be here all week.

Rob: You won't be.

Charlie: Actually, I won't.

Meg: [laughs]

Glenn: I'll be here but I'll also be at the temple.

Meg: Or you can go--

Glenn: We can-- I can do that.

Charlie: I'll be everywhere and nowhere all at once.


[Theme music]

[End Credits]


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