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Episode #54

Mac and Charlie Die: The LIVE Shows

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54. Mac and Charlie Die: The LIVE Shows

LIVE from The Met Philadelphia, the guys revisit "Mac and Charlie Die" parts 1 and 2, from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4, Episodes 5 and 6.

Megan Ganz (voiceover): 9:00 AM on a Tuesday, 18 days before live shows, Los Angeles, California.

Rob McElhenney: He spits onto her car, spits onto the car, but again, maybe he has cancer.

Glenn Howerton: Yeah.

Rob: And he was on his way to get his chemotherapy and he had mucus in his lungs.

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: Who knows?

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And he needed to-he needed to work that out.

Glenn: Right.

Megan Ganz: These are all the things that Rob Justice is weighing up in his head.

Rob: Absolutely.

Charlie Day: Right now, you're just--

Meg: Okay, we're done. Great episode guys. Gonna get through this quickly. This is a lot of information I'm gonna throw at you guys about the live shows. Um, and the biggest part about it is that I'd like to go through the run of shows. I've got a bunch of bits I'm gonna pitch to you guys basically that we could do. If you like things, great, you can thumbs up them, we'll get them like happening, you know? Cause some of it needs props and like that. Little bit of preparing. Okay, Friday, September 16th, we leave Los Angeles. I mean, that's very visual for you guys.

Charlie: Yeah. That's helpful, thanks.

Meg: Keep your attention. Um, we leave Los Angeles at 12:00 PM.

Charlie: I'm actually following this.


Rob: I mean, like children. Treat us like children, which is smart. Yeah.

Meg: I'm over here, I'm over here.

Charlie: Oh, oh, oh.


Rob: Plane.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: That's great.

Meg: Um, yeah. We're gonna leave on-

Rob: Airplane.

Meg: -the Friday. That's gonna be us in that plane right there. It's Saturday night and Louisville. Sunday night in Philly. Monday night in Philly. So these are the bits. All right. What I've done is like, made the shows sort of similar with slight variations from night tonight. I thought it would be funny if we put photos of dogs pooping inside the bathroom stalls, just as a-just as a joke for people.

Glenn: Absolutely. Oh, yeah, that's fucking great.

Charlie: That's connection's great.

Rob: Yeah. No, that helps.

Glenn: So for sure, dude.

Charlie: A little bit of both in there.

Glenn: Inspiration.

Charlie: All right, gang. We'll see you guys Thursday.

Meg: Thanks, guys.

Rob: All right. Thanks, everybody. It was fun. We'll see you in two days.

Meg: They're finally gone.

[cheers and applause]

Meg: Now, to just do all their dishes. This is-- Make sure you get this on camera. Me doing all their dishes, me collecting all their coffee cups and water glasses and washing them with my bare hands. Um, this is, uh, this is part of it. I'm gonna make another document to send them of all those bits and stuff because I'm sure they heard 25% of what I was saying, so.

Mara: Yeah.

Meg: I just wanna make sure they're like--

Mara: Yeah, more visual.

Meg: I-I had them with the beginning, with the shots of the airplane and then once it became--

Mara: I know.

Meg: Once it became like white text over black, they were like, "Ugh."

Mara: Yeah.

Meg: "This is homework."

Mara: Oh, yeah.

Meg: The table went over. Great. That's good.

Mara: Table went over great. We had some wins. We had some wins.

Mara: What's the, uh what's the takeaway?

Meg: I think it went over okay. I probably should have started the whole thing by saying that we're like two weeks out and we should probably know what we're gonna be doing on stage in front of 3,800 people. Right now, I'm gonna take a nap. That's what I wanna do.


Meg: Well, it's time to hit the road. You're trying not to ask me about the low farting noises that you hear. And that's my dog. Oh, isn't it, Piggy? Everybody loves you. That's why. Um, no, I feel good. I'm-I-I'm like, and it's in that nice place now where it's like, if there's something that I haven't done, it's too late. So you're just like, "All right, let's get on the plane. Let's see what happens."

Rob: Should we start with a shot?

Meg: This whole thing kind of feels like planning a child's birthday party where you're like, "I just want them to have fun with their friends." I'd like to Welcome to the stage Jimmi Simpson.

Charlie: This is a treat.

Meg: I'm not very good at packing. Oh, here, wait. Yeah, there help. You can help.


Meg: We're on the plane to Louisville.

Charlie: Man, are we flying out that night?

Meg: Yeah. We'll be flying.

Glenn: We are?

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Uh, Philly?


Meg: We're fling up from Louisville to Philly. Uh, the night of the show, unless you guys wanna stay and watch Pearl Jam.

Charlie: I don't care.

Glenn: I don't care.

Charlie: I don't like Pearl Jam.

[crosstalk] [music]

Meg: So, battle play and then every glass that we have on stage for you guys is gonna be breakaway. So you can then like shatter the glasses. And this will just start to be like the podcast where we'll just b talking about kind of--

Firefighter: We're confirming if it's a real fire.

Meg: Oh, okay.


Meg: I can't do this with this fire alarm going off.

Firefighter: Yeah, [crosstalk] two minutes-

Meg: Okay, great.

Hotel Manager: [crosstalk] to pull the alarm.

Meg: It's just-- This is part of the fun, right?

Speaker: Let's kick off.

Meg: All right. Here we go.

[background noise]

Glenn: We'll set this whole town ablaze.


Meg: Welcome to Bourbon and Beyond, don't get too drunk.



Glenn: Wait, how many of you guys are coming to the show later?


Glenn: Nice.


Danny: Don't you guys get tired of do nothing just sitting around drinking?

Glenn: How could you ever get tired of that?

Dee: Is that a joke?

Glenn: I don't understand.



Charlie: How many people here are from Louisville?



Charlie: All right. Cheers.

Rob: Cheers.

Meg: It's our very first live show ever.

Charlie: What do you want to talk about?

Glenn: Meg, you said you were gonna keep us on track.

Meg: I could give you a breathalyzer.



Meg: Rob coming in with .13.



Rob: Shower me with your fucking praise.

Glenn: Wait, this guy wants to drink out of his shoe and I-I think we should let him. That's rock and roll, baby.

Rob: How many people here have been in a bar fight?

Glenn: This is the South, Rob.

Rob: Smash them up.

Charlie: Smash them up.

Meg: Somebody threw a bra.

Rob: Sweaty as shit. That is male underwear.

Glenn: Oh my God.

Charlie: Yeah, we got some dude's underwear.

Glenn: Yes, yes.


Meg: This thing has gone completely off the rails.

Glenn: What is this? Do you guys like this is this good?


Meg: Guys, they loved it. I mean they threw their male-

Rob: Their underwear.

Meg: -panties on stage.

Glenn: Oh my God, and everything.


Meg: Next stop, Philly.


Meg: No.


Meg: Here we go.


Meg: Good evening, Philadelphia.


Meg: Welcome to The Always Sunny Podcast live.


Meg: And now, please join me in welcoming your host for this evening, Rob, Charlie, and Glenn.


Glenn: Oh, yeah. Oh yeah.


Rob: What's up, Philly?

Glenn: Wow. What's up Philadelphia?

Rob: All right, Philly. All right.


Glenn: The boys are back.

Rob: The boys are back.

Charlie: All right. Cut that, cut, cut, cut.

Rob: Yeah, let's cut that song.

Glenn: The boys are back baby. The boys are back in town. They're back.

Rob: The boys are back.


Charlie: Let's get a look at everybody.

Rob: Fuck yeah.

Glenn: Can we bring the house lights up. Let's take a look. Not bad.


Charlie: All right.

Glenn: Amazing.

Charlie: All right. Goodbye, everyone and good night. It was a good show. Guys, before we begin this podcast,-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -I-I think something on everyone's mind, uh, on the stage is safety and, uh, to feel safe. Mac, would you do the honors?

Rob: Oh-

Glenn: Oh, yeah, actually--

Rob: -you think, I mean, there's some shifty characters out there.

Charlie: Yeah. I just feel like we should do a quick-

Glenn: Let's pop a quick ocular pat down.

Charlie: -a quick ocular pat down on the crowd.


Rob: Shut the fuck up, everybody. Shut the fuck up.

Glenn: He's gonna get mad. Shut-- Seriously, shut the fuck up.

Charlie: Mac-Mac needs silence.

Meg: Clear me.

Charlie: Clear him, please.

Glenn: Let him concentrate. Godammit.

Charlie: This takes focus. Not everyone can do this.

Rob: They're clear.

Charlie: They're clear. All right. This crowd is clear. All right. I knew you guys were good.

Glenn: That's disappointing.

Charlie: There we go.

Glenn: Okay. Are we all safe? Are we good?

Rob: I feel safe. I-I-- I'll say, have you guys noticed that there's a lot of flies?

Charlie: I just saw something buzz across the stage. Did you bring the flies?

Rob: Now again, this is very specific to this part of the world. Everybody out here is gonna know what a greenhead is, which is essentially a horsefly that you find on the beach.

Charlie: Nasty little fly.

Rob: I saw a few of those.

Charlie: It's 'cause I remember on the podcast you said when you went to the beach, your mom would spray you with vinegar to keep the flies away.

Rob: Yeah. To enhance the tan.

Charlie: And to enhance your tan. Meg, did you bring, uh, vinegar to spray?

Meg: I didn't.

Rob: Did you have vinegar? Grab the vinegar.

Glenn: I don't wanna get bit by a horsefly.

Meg: I-- No, I-I didn't bring any vinegar to spray you guys. What was I supposed to do that?

Charlie: What?

Glenn: 'Cause you're kind of the mom of the podcast.

Charlie: I thought you were gonna--

Meg: Well-

Glenn: That's disappointing.

Meg: -I didn't bring vinegar, but I did bring Rob's actual mom.

Charlie: Oh, really?

Meg: So maybe she can help us out.

Glenn: Are you kidding me?

Meg: Please, please, everybody, welcome to the stage, Helena-

Charlie: Oh, here she comes.

Meg: -McElhenney.

Glenn: Oh my God.

Charlie: There she is.

Rob: Wait, Mrs. Mac, did you bring--

Charlie: Oh, she's got the vinegar.

Rob: Come on, Mom. If you could spray [crosstalk].

Glenn: Okay, good. Just wanna make sure.

Charlie: All right. Let him have it.

Glenn: Just spray me, Mom.

Glenn: No. No, not us.

Charlie: No, not us. We're-we're--

Glenn: We're not into it.

Charlie: There we go. No, I don't want it.

Glenn: God.

Charlie: I don't want it.

Rob: Thank you. Mom, I'm on stage at the Met.


Rob: How cool is this? Are you- are you-- Mom? Are you proud of me?

Helena McElhenney: Mm, meh.

Charlie: All right.

Rob: Good job, Mom. Thanks. See you, Mom. That's my mommy, ladies and gentlemen, my mommy.


Glenn: Show her some love, guys. Amazing. All right, so that clears us of, uh, any dangerous characters.

Charlie: Okay. We're cleared of dangerous cha-- We're cleared of flies.

Glenn: Clear of the flies.

Rob: Let's start the show.

Glenn: Let's start the show.

Charlie: Start talking about the show.

Glenn: Meg, are we allowed to-

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: -start the show now?

Charlie: Can we start talking about the episodes?

Meg: I'd, uh-- I'd actually like, if you guys don't mind, I know one of you usually come in hot, but I've come in hot with something today.

Glenn: Oh, really?

Meg: Do you guys wanna?

Charlie: Yeah, what are you coming in hot with?

Meg: I'm coming in hot.

Glenn: Meg's coming in hot. All right, here we go.

Meg: Um, well it's just such a special show. This, you're first time back in Philly in such a long time. And-


Meg: -so I just wanna do something really special for you guys. So, um, I got a couple of celebrities to give you a bit of a video shout-out for your special Philly show.

Charlie: I love celebrities.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: Wow.

Rob: I love c- I love-

Charlie: Everybody loves celebrities.

Rob: -celebrities how smart they are and how they tell everybody how to live. That's the best.

Glenn: That's the best.

Meg: Yeah, well the first one, i think some of these folks might know because it's a Philly sports legend. I have a little video message from you from Mr. Donavan McNabb.

Rob: What?

Charlie: Wow. All right, let's see it.

Meg: Let's roll the tape.

Glenn: That's amazing.

Geoffrey Owens: Hey, guys. Donavan-Donovan McNabb here. Uh, I played, uh, quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, uh, played the super bowl and I'm here to tell you that you can too. That's right. If you start every day with a healthy and hardy meal from McDonald's uh, like the new sausage egg and cheese McGriddles. Just download the mobile app and order yours today. Yes, remember, guys, real champs eat at McDonald's. Oh, um, I'm lovin' it. Okay, guys are you good? Uh, cashout or Venmo.

Charlie: Wow. You got Donovan McNabb.

Rob: By the way, he looks great.

Charlie: Donavan has kept up with his workout regimen. He looks good.

Rob: He looks great

Charlie: He looks good.

Rob: He looks good.

Glenn: See that giant ab?

Charlie: I saw that big ab, yeah.

Glenn: Amazing.

Charlie: That was a good ab.

Glenn: Uh, good pull. Wow. Meg.

Rob: Great-great work, Meg.

Meg: Hey, yeah.

Charlie: Well done.

Glenn: Amazing

Meg: Oh, good. Just wanted to do something special for you guys so, but now you can start the episode discussions.

Glenn: Okay. Let's talk about the show.

Rob: Now are there some-- There-- I have to assume some of the people in here have-have seen the podcast. Have you seen The Podcast before?


Rob: Hey, how many creeps do we have in the house? And how many-- Of those creeps, how many of you have jobs?

Charlie: Give it up for jobs.

Rob: Give it up for jobs. And now how many listeners do we have? How many listeners do we have?

Charlie: Okay. So sometimes people just listen-

Rob: Way more creeps.

Glenn: It's about fifty-- Oh.

Charlie: Well, it's more fun to watch I think.

Rob: Uh, little-known fact, let's see if the audience picked-picked up on this.

Glenn: [chuckles]

Rob: The-the man that answers the door at the orgy-

Audience: Pawnshop owner.

Charlie: Is also the porn shop owner.

Rob: -is also the porn shop owner.

Glenn: So--

Rob: It's an easter egg. In the business, we call it an easter egg.

Glenn: Okay. So do you guys--


Charlie: But I also feel like pawnshop owners are probably-

Glenn: Yeah. Orgy people.

Charlie: -orgy people. [laughs]

Glenn: Yeah. Except I think--

Charlie: They go hand in hand.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: How many pawn shop owners do we have in the audience? Very few. How many orgy people do we have in the audience tonight?

Charlie: That's a lot of people.

Glenn: [laughs] Good for you.


Glenn: Um, Yes. Same actor and I-- As I recall, that was not the plan when we originally started casting those roles but for some reason and I don't remember exactly who it was that suggested that it be the same per-- No, as I recall we were having trouble getting somebody to play the- [chuckles] to like that was good enough to play the guy that just says like, "What's the password?" or the--

Rob: Well, we were also at a time when we were-

Glenn: Why? What happened?

Rob: -we were still and we to this day and not that anybody wants to hear us complain.

Glenn: They do.

Rob: They do. Yeah. Um, we don't get a lot of money to make the show and so we are always looking for savings. Maybe it was that we had the guy on the day-

Glenn: No. No.

Rob: -and we were like, "Hey, man. Say these other [unintelligible 00:18:19]?" I don't know.

Glenn: Come on, man. Don't make it sound like that. Jesus Christ.

Charlie: No. We thought it would be funny that-that-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -the pawnshop guy was at the orgy.

Glenn: It hit us we were like-

Charlie: [crosstalk] the pawn shop scene, we said, "Hey come back for an orgy."

Glenn: Wait, yes. I think that's exactly what happened.

Rob: I think that may have been what happened.

Glenn: No, I think that's what happened.

Rob: He actually got invited to the orgy after we saw his stuff.

Glenn: That-- No. That is what happened. That is what happened.

Charlie: That is what happened.

Glenn: You guys, that is what happened. Uh, yes, and it- and it-- You know I mean a man who has you know, uh, popper or amyl nitrite on hand is probably a man who's into orgies so it-it, uh, made sense to us at the time and, uh--

Meg: Have any of you guys ever done poppers?

Glenn: Yes.

Meg: You-you have?

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: Are you guys familiar with, uh, amyl nitrite? Uh, with poppers? Have you guys? [laughs] You scumbags. [laughs] You fucking scumbags. That's great. Uh, it's awesome.

Charlie: So why are you calling them scumbags? We're-we're sex-positive on this show.

Glenn: Oh.

Rob: We have no judgements.

Glenn: Yeah. No judgements here guys. I've done it--

Charlie: Sex-positive sounds like you-you caught something.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: You know, like I-I, its-- I know it's supposed to mean well but it-it makes me worried.


Glenn: Everybody out there is positive. All right. Great.

Charlie: Uh, there was a point in time where people who were doing poppers in the writer's room.

Glenn: Oh, no. What?

Meg: No. No, they were smelling salts.

Rob: Ye-yes.

Glenn: No, no, no. Smelling salts.

Rob: It was smelling salts

Charlie: Smelling salts

Meg: Smelling salts.

Charlie: Yes. We just--

Meg: That's when I started so my first year I came in--

Glenn: Wait. You started that?

Meg: No, no, I didn't start it. No, no, no, no. My first year when I joined the writing staff in season 12.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: Uh, I came in and on the ta- on the writer's room table, I was like, "What is this?"

Glenn: [chuckles]

Meg: Scott Marter's like, "Oh, those are just smelling salts."


Meg: I was like, "Why is-- Are people passing out?" He is like, "Now, sometimes we just do them."


Glenn: So wait. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. So people always asking us, they're like, "Oh man, you guys get like drunk to get like super high and-and-and-and-and then that's how you write the episodes?" I'm like, "No, that doesn't make any fucking sense." I'm like, "Who would do something that crazy?" Then, "Yeah, you're right."

Charlie: We do that the night before. Then we come in and hungover and then we write the episodes.

Glenn: Right. Right, speaking of hangovers, where's our whiskey?

Meg: Oh, yeah.

Rob: We were told that we were gonna have booze though.


Glenn: If anyone can hear this [laughs] bring me whiskey.

Charlie: What else about the episode other than the poppers and the orgies?

Rob: Well, there's a very short clip of a- of a Bon Jovi song, Blaze of Glory.

Charlie: You got the camera?

Rob: Yeah, is it ready?

Charlie: Yeah, I think it's gonna be on.

Rob: We good? Are we on?

Charlie: Good, okay.

Rob: Okay. Dennis and Frank, if you're watching this, then we're already dead.

Charlie: Our lives were horrible. Horrible and sad. So we decided to end it all.

Rob: Not me. Actually, my life was pretty sweet, but Charlie and I had a suicide pact and I have to honor that because I am an honorable man.

Charlie: Wait a second.

Rob: I will die an honorable man.

Charlie: My life is sweet as well.

Rob: There's also a willing clause and you totally have to do all of that because that's like a law.

Charlie: Okay, wait a second. My life is also a bit honorable.

Rob: All right, you ready to do this guy?

Charlie: You threw it all out.

Rob: Here we go.

[Bon Jovi music Blaze of Glory]

Rob: Anytime you get a needle drop song, um.

Glenn: A needle drop. Tell them what that is.

Rob: Well, that would be a song that you recognize, something that's played on the radio, something by a mainstream artist. It's very expensive to put in the show, and so we're always talking about whether or not it's worth it. This would be an example of where it's definitely not worth it because it's only on screen for-- And it doesn't Rober. You could play the entire song from start to finish of Blaze of Glory and it would cost exactly the same-

Glenn: Yep.

Rob: -as playing four seconds of it. So what happens almost always is that Charlie and I are like, "Fuck it. Pay for it." And Glenn's like, "Nah, no way. This is so, so stupid."

Glenn: Don't fucking throwing me under the bus.

Rob: Yeah.


Charlie: You're sensible, you prudent.

Audience: Yay.

Meg: The guys need glasses cause they would never drink directly out of the bottles.

Glenn: We might.

Meg: I'm just gonna put that there.

Glenn: We might.

Rob: Well, we're sex-positive.

Meg: We'll get you some glasses.

Glenn: We are sex-positive-

Charlie: We will, we will.

Glenn: -but we are also civilized.


Rob: Or not.

Glenn: Oh, fuck it. All right, old school.


Charlie: There you go. Drink it before Rob cause Rob has diarrhea.

Glenn: Yeah.


Glenn: That's how you do it, baby.

Charlie: I don't wanna catch his sex-positive diarrhea.


Charlie: Here we go.


Rob: That's pretty good.

Glenn: Meg, did you have some?

Rob: Meg.

Charlie: There you go.


Charlie: Meg, ooh.

Glenn: [snaps fingers]

Charlie: That's good.

Rob: Yeah, we can keep that on the table. I'll keep nipping from that, I think.


Glenn: Yeah.


Rob: Meg, Meg, Meg.

Glenn: Meg, Meg, Meg.

Charlie: Meg, Meg, Meg.


Charlie: Egg, egg, egg.

Glenn: I-I-- Wait before we get into the Blaze of Glory conversation, which I do want to have. I-I am cur-- This is interesting to me because Meg is not a performer, so to speak. She's a writer-


Glenn: -and I still to this-- I'm not 100% sure whether she is comfortable with-- Do you like this or do you hate this?

Meg: I don't like this.

Glenn: But you kinda do, right?

Meg: I like being here with you guys.

Audience: We love you, Meg.

Meg: No, it's great. Thank you. No, I-I-I--


Meg: Very sweet.

Rob: I'm gonna throw you under the bus one more time.

Glenn: Oh, good.

Rob: Yeah. Just live here on stage. In this episode, Charlie pulls his teeth out of his head.


Glenn: Out of his head, out of his head.

Rob: And Glenn said, "This is so fucking stupid."

Glenn: Yes.


Glenn: He's right, he's right. It is so stupid.

Charlie: Uh-oh.

Rob: Wait, that just kind of came out on its own.

Charlie: Yeah, slipped right out, huh?

Rob: I barely pulled that.

Charlie: Whoa.

Rob: I barely pulled it. What?

Rob: It was around this time, maybe it was this season, it was the previous season, but what we were talking about, "Is-- Are these people real people or are they straight-up cartoon characters?"


Glenn: Right.

Rob: It was unrealistic.

Glenn: It was insane-

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -to have a man like constantly pulling teeth out of his mouth and then to smile and have teeth.

Rob: It legitimately doesn't make any sense to have done.

Glenn: Truly.

Rob: Yeah.

Audience: Got one.


Meg: That-That's Scene is amazing.

Glenn: It's amazing.

Meg: That scene is so funny.

Glenn: By the way, I fully admit that and I also fully admitted when we were doing it, I was like, "I'm laughing and it's funny, but this doesn't make any sense."


Glenn: There's no way that we live in a--

Charlie: You're not wrong.

Glenn: And you-- Also like for a character who eats the weirdest shit. Like-like a lot of the stuff you eat it's gotta be kind of-- Although you eat cat food, it's pretty soft.

Charlie: It's gonna make your teeth come out.


Rob: Well, this is also somebody who went to Julliard and is trying to find truth.


Rob: And I'm--

Glenn: He said it, I didn't.


Charlie: That's true.

Glenn: He said it, I didn't.

Rob: I'm like, "Man, I just don't wanna go back to--" You know, like, I-I-I-I want this job, man.

Glenn: You're desperate.

Rob: I'm desperate, and whatever makes him laugh, let's just fucking do it.

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: This guy, he seems very funny.

Glenn: Just pandering.

Rob: Let's just trust him.

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: If he thinks it's funny, it's probably funny.

Glenn: Well, so now you're throwing him under the bus and saying it was his idea?

Rob: No, um-- What? That's not throwing him under the bus. That's glorifying him-

Glenn: Is it?

Rob: -up to the mountaintops?


Glenn: Okay.

Charlie: Yeah. I-I-I can't remember any of it. I don't know, it could've been my idea or not.


Charlie: I-I have no idea.

Glenn: Yeah. No, that-that tracks.

Charlie: Yeah, I know.

Megan: What-what I love about is that you do two scenes where Charlie is pouring lighter fluid over himself-

Glenn: [chuckles] Yeah.

Megan: -and yanking his own teeth out of his mouth. And then when you go to the paw-pawn shop, all of a sudden he's the voice of reason.

Glenn: Yes.



Glenn: Right.

Charlie: Well, Mac has hit himself on the head and somebody has to like find something to blow a car up with, so--

Rob: It's so, uh, r-rare and so much fun cause everybody's gotta be at the straight person at some point in the show, but, um, Charlie is almost never the straight person.

Charlie: Sometimes with you or with Mac, rarely with Dennis. Sometimes with Dee.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: So, o-often with Frank.

Rob: Frank, yes.

Charlie: Yeah.


Glenn: What do you mean? With-with-- That he'll-he'll be the--

Charlie: Oh, like Frank's doing something crazy and I have to be like the--

Glenn: Oh. Where you have to be the straight man. Got it, got it, got it.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Megan: Your line reading of, "What we have here, gentlemen, is a glory hole." Um, I didn't do it right, but the way that you said that was so funny.

Glenn: What the hell are you guys doing here? I gotta go to the bathroom.

Dee: There's a hole in the wall. We're just trying to figure out what it is.

Glenn: Well, well, well, Deandra. Would you look at that? Frank, Dee, what you two have discovered today is what is most commonly referred to as a glory hole.

Dee: A glory hole?

Glenn: A secret portal created as a passageway for one to safely insert one's penis.

Dee: I'm sorry. A hole to stick your dick in?

Glenn: Uh, yes, Dee. The partition acts as a physical barrier, thus insuring anonymity throughout the spontaneous act of copulation or fellatio, or the very least, uh, handjob.

I think we were fi-- Well, like, yeah, um, there was some-something happened in that episode. I feel like we were finding some new gears for the character of Dennis in that episode for sure because all of a sudden, like, you know, this is like a normal dude who's like, "What-what are you guys doing? I came in here to pee," and then all of a sudden I'm like-- I-I turned into like a different person. It's like they're so fascinated by the glory hole. Not only- not only the history, right?


Glenn: Of the glory hole. Like not only what it- what it meant to people past, but what it means now and what we're capable of now as a bar, as a result of having it-

Megan: Yeah.

Glenn: -you know, just-- [chuckles]

Megan: There's a lot of like awe and respect in your voice-

Glenn: Tremendous respect.

Megan: -when you're speaking about it which is good.

Glenn: Yeah, I think you're right. No, there's tremendous respect there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Have you guys come across a glory hole, like you know, a just a public bathroom? Have you ever just--

Woman: Yes.

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: You have?

Glenn: Oh, you have? Wait.


Glenn: Who said that?

Woman: I mean it's bad.

Charlie: It's bad.

Glenn: What do you mean it's bad? Why is it--? She said it's bad, why is it bad? Did you experience it?

Woman: It's in the wrong bathroom.

Man: That's right.

Glenn: It's in the wrong bathroom. Whose bathroom was it in?

Woman: Women's.

Rob: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: Oh, in the women's bathroom.

Megan: What are you putting through there? Your boob like just one nipple?



Charlie: There's no glory in that.

Megan: There's no glory in that at all, no.


Glenn: Ah.

Charlie: A very frustrating experience. People trying to use the glory whole.

Rob: But I-I-I think a lot of-of the process of-of wri- of writing the show is us coming into the writer's room, having just seen something, watched something, heard about something. We come in and we go, "Guys, I just heard about this thing, it's crazy."

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: "It's called a glory hole. Do you know what this is?" And like three people would be like-

Glenn: Yeah.


Rob: -"I know what it is." "Tell us about it. Tell us everything you can and how can we exploit?"

Charlie: What can you do with it?

Glenn: How can we exploit it?

Rob: How can we exploit your, um, uh-uh--

Glenn: Knowledge of the strange sexual deviation?

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Um, uh, so wait. Okay, so there was one in the women's bathroom and-and an experience that you had. [laughs] Has anyone else had an experience with a glory hole? I don't know.

Charlie: I think oftentimes they try to fix them real quick. You know, the establishments like, "Ah, geez, we got to go--" You know, they put like some [crosstalk].

Glenn: Wait, how did someone [crosstalk]?

Charlie: "Let's stuff it up with the toilet paper," and they're like--

Glenn: What, did somebody fucking sneak a drill in there or with like a--?

Charlie: Somebody gets a drill.

Glenn: You know what I mean? [crosstalk]

Charlie: Somebody gets a drill in there, yeah-yeah.

Glenn: You got any handymen out there that are just like, "Yeah-

Charlie: Just that--

Glenn: -I got a bit for that, I got a bit that goes on the head of my drill. It get's pers-perfect fucking--"

Charlie: They do with their penis.

Megan: [laughs]

Charlie: They just push the penis against the wall until it creates a hole.

Glenn: Until a hole pops out?

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. I don't know, it's too perfect.

Megan: It's like the Grand Canyon, like a slow, steady erosion, right?

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Megan: Just like over--

Glenn: So if you go to a bar every single night-

Charlie: Chip away at that bathroom wall.

Glenn: -you have to go to the bar every single night and push your dick up against the stall wall.

Megan: Just a few times.

Glenn: Just every fucking night-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -for like 30 years-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -and eventually like-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -a prisoner trying to get out of jail.

Charlie: And when you break through-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -you feel glorious.

Glenn: [laughs] You feel glorious. And that's why it's called a glory hole because-

Charlie: And that's why it's called a glory hole.

Megan: Oh, right.

Glenn: -there is tremendous glory in that, you're right.

Megan: [crosstalk] sorted that out.

Rob: I'm so happy that my mommy is here tonight.



Megan: You guys wanna see, um, maybe another celebrity video that we lined up-


Megan: -for you?

Charlie: Oh, more celebrities?

Glenn: What you mean?

Megan: Well celebrity call out, uh, video, yeah.

Glenn: I do.

Megan: Um, it's, uh, it's another sports figure. Do I hear Mr. Tiger Woods?

Glenn: Tiger Woods? [cheering]

Meg: Let's roll the tape.

Charlie: Kind of a big deal. Tiger Woods is,

Geoffrey Owens: Hey, guys. I'm, uh-- Well, I'm pretty famous. I don't really need to tell you who I am. I'll tell you, I'm Tiger Woods. Uh, basically the best golfer that ever lived. And I'm here to tell you that you can be too. Can be too? They can be the best golfer that ever lived? It doesn't really make-- Keep going? Okay. Uh, if you refuel every day with a hearty lunch from McDonald's, like the, uh, crispy chicken sandwich meal with, uh, medium fries and a drink, uh, just, uh, order it for delivery or pickup. Remember guys, real champions eat McDonald's. Okay? Hey, just do it.

Charlie: Wow.

Glenn: Greatest golfer of all time.

Rob: Wow.

Glenn: Arguably.

Geoffrey Owens: Keep going? Okay. I'm lovin' it.

Rob: He's lovin' it.

Glenn: He's lovin' it. Um,

Rob: Tiger Woods.

Charlie: Tiger Woods is a fan of the show.

Meg: Tiger Woods. Huge, yeah.

Glenn: Hey, can I- can I like, can I- can I--

Charlie: Whoa.

Glenn: You know what's- you know what's sad? That was basically like two McDonald's ads and we didn't get fucking paid at all [crosstalk].

Meg: No, no money for that. I just wanna make that clear.

Glenn: Mcdonald's didn't pay us fucking shit.

Charlie: Boo.

Glenn: Boo.

Meg: But how much money did you get for the original, uh, one that was in The Gang Gets Invisible?

Glenn: Nothing.

Rob: No, I actually think it was the opposite. We have a- we got a cease and desist.

Glenn: We had--

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Yes.

Charlie: We definitely got one from Wendy's. I remember people being like, "Why are there all these Wendy's?" Cause we were saying Frank at Artemis were always fucking in Wendy's bathroom.

Glenn: Like the Wendy's-- And Wendy's was like, "Could you stop with the, uh-- We don't allow that at Wendy's."

Charlie: And we're like, "Wendy's, no."

Rob: It is really funny how often fans will think that we're getting some kind of money from a brand.

Glenn: Oh, no.

Rob: And literally brands are running as far away-

Glenn: Yes.

Rob: -from us as they possibly can. So it's us writing in-

Glenn: We're getting away with it.

Rob: -brands cause we think it's funny? And we're getting away with it. And then people are like, "Uh, well you're getting paid." We're like, "No, we're not getting paid."

Glenn: No, I wish.

Rob: Literally, they- they're trying to sue us.


Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Major League Baseball tried to sue us-

Rob: Major League Baseball did

Charlie: -for the Philly- for the Philly Phanatic. Yeah, they didn't like that.

I'm trying to have a conversation with the man behind the mask. I feel like you're big licking me, dude. Are you taking me seriously?

I wanna say to all the green men out there, because I've done that before, I appreciate the sacrifice you're making. It's a- it's a long day. You can barely see. You gotta get completely undressed to take a leak. I-- And so good on you.

Meg: Wait, he's gotta drink. How are you drinking that?

Charlie: Oh, you can drink right through the mask.

Glenn: Yeah, how does that work?

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: You can drink through it?

Charlie: Yeah, you can drink with it on. Yeah, green man. Green Man is saving my life right now, man.

Rob: Is the real green man in-in the building? No? Green man.

Glenn: What do you mean?

Charlie: Well, Green Man is from, uh, a real thing.

Glenn: Explain, explain.

Rob: So Green Man is-is a- is a real human being who I grew up with. I went to high school with, Joe Dwyer. Uh.

Glenn: Is Joe here?

Rob: Well, that's what I was wondering.

Glenn: Is Joe Dwyer here?

Rob: Do you know the reason why Joe Dwyer is not here?

Charlie: I see a thumbs down.

Glenn: No, I don't.

Rob: So, okay, so I grew up with Joe Dwyer, and one time I went, this was, uh, maybe season two of Sunny, I went to an Eagles game and he put on his green man suit and started running around the parking lot. And I thought, man, that's amazing. We have to put that in the show. So the reason that I have to assume that Joe Dwyer is not in the audience right now is because Joe Dwyer is an orthopedic surgeon.


Glenn: Oh, he's done well. He's moved on.

Rob: He most likely ha-- No, no, he has not moved on.

Glenn: No?

Rob: No, no.

Glenn: What do you mean?

Rob: Well, my guess is tomorrow he's got orthopedic surgery, but tomorrow night, he will be at the Eagles game.

Glenn: Getting after it.

Charlie: As green man.

Glenn: Getting after it. Getting after it like a true--

Rob: To Joe Dwyer, the original Green Man.

Charlie: The original Green Man.

Meg: Okay. Well, actually, I've just been informed that our guest is here, so--

Charlie: Oh, who is it?

Meg: You guys wanna bring on a very special guest? I'd like to welcome to the stage, Jimmi Simpson.


Jimmi Simpson: That's what you get, Charlie. You get pod crashed.


Charlie: Oh, man. Liam McPoyle in the flesh. This is a treat.

Glenn: Wow. Fuck-- Meg.

Charlie: This is a treat.

Glenn: What a-- Wait, do we have a seat for this man?

Meg: Yes, we got four seats now.

Charlie: You sit there.

Meg: You can sit.

Glenn: Oh my god.

Charlie: I'll-I'll take this.

Glenn: Uh, you guys, this- this is-- By the way, you smell amazing.

Jimmi: You're ruining the Madigan,

Rob: Shit.

Jimmi: it looks great in here.

Rob: Sorry, can I point out something? Glenn, can you stand to the front here? Um, what is it about middle-aged men?

Jimmi: We like to boot it and [unintelligible 00:35:00].

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Who have dressed themselves.

Man: Who wore it better?

Rob: What--?

Charlie: Who wore it better?

Rob: Who wore it better?

Glenn: All right, yeah, that's--

Jimmi: We-we like to pretend we're craftsmen and doing- working-working gear when we-we don't- we don't-

Glenn: Yeah, we've got steel-toed boots.

Jimmi: -don't work or craft.

Glenn: No.

Jimmi: Also, these are- uh, it's bullshit. There is no steel on this.

Glenn: We focus on the craft of joy.

Charlie: There is no steel in there.

Glenn: The craft of laughter.

Rob: Jimmi, fucking-- Holy shit.

Charlie: Now--

Jimmi: You guys are looking so fly together.

Glenn: I-- This makes me so happy.

Charlie: And first of all-

Jimmi: Um, um, uh--

Charlie: -this is a total surprise.

Rob: This is an actual surprise.

Charlie: This is [crosstalk].

Jimmi: I hitchhiked all the way from California hoping--


Rob: Why are you here? Or I mean why are you in town?

Glenn: Yeah, what are you doing?

Eric: I have no depth perception.


Charlie: This man has no depth perception.

Glenn: Wait, wait, yeah.

Rob: We--

Glenn: We do have some McPoyles over here.

Charlie: Wait, you have some actual McPoyle's [crosstalk]

Glenn: Come clo-- clome closer.

Glenn: Come closer.

Charlie: Get this guy [crosstalk] with the eye patch.

Jimmi: Oh, I love that eye.

Charlie: Get the guy with the eye patch on stage.

Jimmi: Look at the loose eye. So loose and good.

Charlie: Get him on.

Jimmi: Like a soft-boiled eye. Let the crowd see this man, Jimmi.


Rob: Jimmi McPoyles. [laughs]

Jimmi: Ge-ge-gentlemen, gentlemen, what is your name?

Eric: We are Eric and Jared but you can call us Ryan and Liam McPoyle.

Jimmi: I will then. Ryan and Liam.

Eric: A thousand generations led to this moment.

Jimmi: Can we have a- can we have a milk bump?

Eric: Oh, please, please.

Jimmi: Bump it.

Charlie: Bump it.

Eric: That's right.

Charlie: Bumping it.

Jimmi: That's so fresh, it's so fleshy too. The outside of it, I don't know, it's opening.

Eric: Thank you, thank you. Wait, what eyepatch?

Glenn: Yeah, well done.

Charlie: What is in your milk cups?

Eric: I gotta tell you, I painted the inside white and then filled it with spackle just for you guys.

Charlie: There you go, so-so it will last all night.

Glenn: Crafty.

Eric: This is a woman's pasty believe it or not.

Charlie: And he's got a woman's pasty on his eye, well done.


Eric: I gotta tell you, Jimmi, this was my homage to you. I was born in Bloomsburg, PA, your alma mater.

Charlie: Wait they are from the same-

Glenn: Ooh.

Charlie: -neck of the woods.

Jimmi: That was the worst ever but I'm so grateful to be reunited with another BU-nian.

Eric: You used to--

Jimmi: It's the other BU, you guys.

Eric: That's right, BU. That's right. You used to deliver pizzas to my family in Bloomsburg when I was a little kid.

Jimmi: I delivered a lot of pizzas.

Glenn: Are you serious? Really?

Eric: A little boy, I have a-a personal connection--

Glenn: How do you know this?

Jimmi: Did you receive my pizzas?

Eric: My brother Doug, so I'm the youngest of five boys, my-my second born brother Doug, shout out to Doug, shout out to Neil-

Jimmi: Yeah, Doug.

Eric: -shout out to Phill, he knew you and he said, "If you get the chance, tell the guys Jimmi Simpson that he used to deliver pizzas to me when I was in college in Bloomsburg." And I said-- I-I get to tell you now,-

Jimmi: I delivered-

Eric: -it's crazy.

Jimmi: -so-so many pizzas in college, I was really high most of the time, so I don't remember--

Eric: Good, I'm sure he was high eating them.

Jimmi: Oh good. I would ask you guys to leave but I'm just too damn happy. See you bitches on the dance floor.


Rob: Okay, Jimmi, Jimmi I have a question for Jimmi.

Charlie: Yeah let's-- I mean, this is--

Rob: Do you have a question for Jimmi?

Charlie: By the way, we're doing a live show, but we are doing the podcast.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: And we've been wanting to have Jimmi on the podcast.

Jimmi: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: And this is the best way to get you on.

Jimmi: I forgot this is being recorded, you guys.

Charlie: Uh, Jimmi Simpson.

Glenn: Tell us.

Charlie: You and I were roommates in our- in-in- right after college.

Glenn: Babes.

Jimmi: We were roommates, double-fold, perhaps triple-fold.

Charlie: We lived together in New York.

Jimmi: We did do that.

Charlie: We made lots of funny ass home videos.

Jimmi: Maybe did endless videos, we couldn't get-get arrested on film so we made our own films.

Charlie: No, we couldn't- we couldn't get a job [chuckles] so we'd make our own films.

Jimmi: Yeah.

Charlie: And then, um,--

Jimmi: Films we called them

Glenn: That was what would inspire--

Charlie: Rob and Glenn had an idea to-to do that and-and turn it into a TV show.

Jimmi: They saw it and they like, "We wanna do this but make it good."

Glenn: We wanna exploit it.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: We wanna exploit it.

Rob: We wanna exploit your talent.

Glenn: Exploit your talent and turn it into something commercial.


Charlie: And that's what happened.

Jimmi: It is. It is what happened, I-- We were-

Glenn: God bless.

Jimmi: -very tri-state based and-and when you're from the tristate, as you know, going to LA, it's kind of a bull-bullshit move and so uh, uh, I did because I couldn't, my-- I think my agent fell apart of something in New York, went there and I called you and I said, "I mean, we don't have to do the douchey shit, we could still come out here."

Charlie: You--

Jimmi: And then we were right, we did.

Charlie: You- [coughs] you went first and I followed.


Charlie: I followed and uh--

Jimmi: Yeah.

Charlie: And then, uh, season one? You-you did McPoyle season one, right?

Jimmi: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: So season one-

Jimmi: Me and Nate get real--

Charlie: -we had these, uh, a couple of characters and I said, "Look, uh, you know, uh, we have these funny guys."

Jimmi: Well, yeah, it was less of like you're fun-- I think it was more of like we wrote an off-putting character and you're generally offputting, so you-you just come stand -there.

Glenn: Well, no-- was it-- That was your sense of humor.

Jimmi: Yeah, sure.

Glenn: It was like to be off-putting.

Jimmi: Sure, yeah.

Glenn: I was like, "You enjoy that."

Jimmi: Well, I mean I was paired up with Charlie and one of the thing-things is we just got along so well, it was like, well, you're the funny guy and I'm the weird guy. And so we just never were-- We're both funny and weird but we were just-- It was nice. It was nice. I had like-like a partner.

Charlie: Most of our home videos involved drawing on some kind of fake mustache-

Jimmi: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: -or beard or whatever it was [inaudible 00:40:31]

Glenn: There was always a wig and some teeth.

Jimmi: There was a bag of wigs and teeth.

Glenn: A lot of teeth.

Jimmi: I think we would maybe wash them off between fucking uses, but-

Charlie: Yeah, we'd probably rinse them.

Jimmi: -Christ they were awful. And then markers, we had a-a box of Crayola markers-

Charlie: Yeah, magic markers to put on, yeah.

Jimmi: -that we would draw eyebrows and mustaches.

Charlie And so your unibrow in season one is based on this sort of magic marker. I was like, this will be funny.

Jimmi: I remember I--

Rob: I'm gonna take you back to a time period in 2005, where I strike gold because I'm not that talented but I'm very driven. And I meet- I meet- I meet a guy from Julliard who's immensely talented.

Glenn: That's me.

Rob: I meet literally the funniest two people on the face of the Earth who happen to live with one another. And they're already making these funny videos. And they're showing-- I'm-I'm watching these videos where they're drawing mustaches on each other and they're so funny, we're laughing, we're crying. And I say to them, "Why don't you guys--" They're literally living in an apartment drinking yoo-hoo for lunch.


Rob: And I say--

Jimmi: Those are delicious.

Glenn: You drank a lot of yoo-hoo didn't you, Jim?

Jimmi: Delicious snack. It's a delicious snack.

Rob: And I look around at Glenn who's the most talented person I've ever met.

Glenn: Thank you.

Rob: Charlie who’s' the funniest guy I've ever met. And Jimmi who's the weirdest and funniest guy I've ever met.

Jimmi: Thank you. Fuck.

Glenn: Rob, wow. Huge compliment.

Rob: And I'm like, I think we can make $1,000-


Rob: -if we just shoot this and actually make it a television show.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And I've been writing their [unintelligible 00:41:56] ever since and I love them for it.


Glenn: And we've been writing yours baby.

Charlie: Yeah. But the truth of it is, without you at this moment right now, Jimmi and I's face would be covered in magic marker-


Charlie: -like making TikTok videos for nobody. So thank you, Rob. So thank you, again.

Meg: We, um,--

Glenn: Promise.

Meg: Uh, we-we established on the podcast so you guys were living together when you, um, met Mary Elizabeth and you told us a great story about how, uh,--

Jimmi: Meat penis.

Charlie: A meat dick in the fridge, yeah.

Rob: [unintelligible 00:42:33] wait.

Meg: Yeah in the fridge-

Rob: Yeah, tell that story.

Meg: -uh, the next morning.

Charlie: Well, Jim-- Jimmi and I we-we were like, "You know it'd be funny to make a video about a guy who pulls his dick out of his pants and smashes it with a hammer."

Jimmi: With a hammer.

Glenn: Sure, as one does.

Charlie: And-and we'll make it out of hamburger meat.

Glenn: As one does.

Charlie: Yeah, we-- You know, we're like, this is our experimental phase.

Jimmi: We were exorcising demons and very much it was ex-experimental. We were like, what about like post-modern-

Charlie: But we had-- We did fill it up-

Jimmi: -German.

Charlie: - with-with ketchup so that there would be blood.

Jimmi: Yeah, absolutely.

Charlie: There will be blood.

Jimmi: I'm not going to have a cock smashed without there being blood.

Glenn: Sure.

Meg: [laughs]

Jimmi: What a waste of an opportunity.

Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: And we thought we would have many takes but we nailed it on take one.


Glenn: Define nailing it.

Charlie: So there were a couple-- There was one backup penis in the fridge.


Meg: And you guys-

Charlie: And--

Meg: -were gonna eat it though? Were you gonna eat it?

Charlie: No, we weren't gonna eat it but we were-- Yeah-

Jimmi: If we had to, we would've.

Charlie: -we were maybe gonna make a sequel.

Jimmi: Yeah.

Charlie: Uh, and then, uh, the night I met my wife, uh, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, who plays the waitress.


Meg: Whoa, yeah.

Charlie: She, uh, the ni-- Uh, she spent the night, uh, and-

Glenn: Whoa.

Charlie: -the next morning I left for work, she stayed.

Glenn: Where did you work?

Charlie: I was the voice of the Independent Film Channel-

Jimmi: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: -so I had to go say, "Coming up next on IFC," um.

Jimmi: Casa de los babies.

Charlie: Yeah. How do you think we paid for our Sony cameras, man? This was it.

Glenn: True.

Charlie: But anyway she was-- Woke up, hangover of course, uh, thirsty, hungry, looked in the fridge and there was no-- Nothing in the fridge. Looked in the freezer and there was nothing but a-a meat penis.

Glenn: Just a meat penis.

Jimmi: It's-it's not exactly true.

Charlie: And then she married me, man.

Jimmi: There were- there were-- It was paired with one thing.

Glenn: Yoo-hoos?

Charlie: Oh.

Jimmi: So close. I do have the taste of a six-year-old child.

Rob: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait, cream soda?

Jimmi: It-it would've been in-in there if I had it.

Rob: Like a strawberry cream soda, no.

Jimmi: Trix flavored GoGurts.

Glenn: Oh God, Jim.

Jimmi: So you could squeeze the dairy product in the back of your mouth with velocity.

Charlie: So she had- she had options. She had options.

Jimmi: Yes. And she accepted you and us as okay I guess.

Glenn: She was all right with this situation.

Jimmi: She-she was fine based on what she had experienced with the man himself I presume.

Glenn: Yeah. All right. What'd you do to seal the deal, buddy? Tell us your secret.

Charlie: Oh, I-I hung on for dear life and begged her not-- Never to leave me.


Glenn: Just claws.

Charlie: Just clawed her.

Meg: That works.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: As a woman that works.

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: I also feel like I would be remiss if I- if I didn't prevail upon Jimmi to give us a good, you will call her-


Meg: -which I feel like the audience would really love.

Charlie: Yes.

Glenn: Putting you on the spot, buddy.

Rob: The question is can we keep a straight face-

Charlie: Oh wait a second.

Rob: -if he doesn't.

Glenn: Okay right, right.

Charlie: So I'm [unintelligible 00:45:29]--

Rob: There's no way I can't laugh.


Rob: No, no, no.

Glenn: You can do it, you can do it.

Charlie: You cannot [unintelligible 00:45:33].

Glenn: You got it. Keep it straight.

Rob: Okay.

Glenn: You got it.

Rob: I'm the worst.

Charlie: Okay, so.


Rob: Okay, here we go.


Glenn: Here we go.

Rob: Okay.

Glenn: Here we go. [unintelligible 00:45:41]. Wait, wait, wait. Here we go.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: She's waiting on your call.

Rob: I'm not gonna call her.

Jimmi: You call her.


Glenn: Yeah.



Glenn: Yes.

Charlie: That's a homerun.

Jimmi: It's more muscle memory at this point.

Meg: Well, I- I mean I do have one more celebrity video for you guys, if you want to see it.


Rob: That's cool. Who's that?

Meg: I wonder if the audience can guess who our third celebrity video is.


Rob: Don Cheadle?

Meg: Am I hearing Don Cheadle from the audience?

Rob: No way.

Meg: We're hearing Don Cheadle.

Charlie: No way you got Don Cheadle.

Meg: Um.

Glenn: There's no fucking way.

Jimmi: Great.

Meg: You know what? Just ‘cause I love you guys so much I did line up.

Glenn: Who'd you get?

Meg: Don Cheadle.

Charlie: No way.

Rob: Get the fuck out of here.

Glenn: No you did not, no you did not.

Meg: Let's roll the tape.

Glenn: Oh my God.

Don Cheadle: Hey guys-

Charlie: Oh.

Don: -what's up?


Don: I'm Don Cheadle, the real Don Cheadle.

Charlie: Oh my God.

Don: I'm an actor, I'm a filmmaker, and I think I won a couple of Golden Globes. Uh, yeah, I did and I'm here to tell you that you can too.


Don: That's right. If you start every day with intermittent fasting because reducing your eating time to just eight hours per day can help regulate blood sugar levels and reduce inflammation in otherwise healthy adults.

So remember, real champions intermittent fast. Have a great show, guys.


Don: I mean, I nailed it. Um, so I know I said Cash App or Venmo, but I'm really gonna need to get paid in, um, Bitcoin cause I gotta do some stuff off the radar with some unscrupulous guy.

You don't need know the details, but I do need that bit and I'm gonna need it like, you know, asap, which means as soon as possible, which means like I already should've got it.


Rob: Uh, who the fuck is that?

Charlie: Who was that?

Glenn: I think you got duped Meg. I don't know who the fuck that was.

Meg: Sorry guys.

Glenn: Um, but that is the guy that plays Don Cheadle though.

Meg: Yeah, that's true. That's that guy.

Charlie: That's the guy that plays Don Cheadle.

Meg: Um.

Glenn: Yeah. I think I wanted to end on a- on a high note and that was kind of a bummer.

Meg: I know that.

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: You know what I would like to-- you know what I would like? You know what I think will be really fun, would you do a song?


Charlie: Song or no song?

Glenn: Song or no song?


Jimmi: Song.

Glenn: Song. Sing them a song.

Charlie: So song? A s- a song then?

Audience: Yes.

Glenn: A-a-a song then?

[harmonica sounding]

[piano plays]

Charlie: [sings]

Well they say the world's your oyster,

Man, but oysters ain't for me.

You're the bell of the ball

But you ain't my cup of tea.

They always vote you best in show

But this doggy disagrees.

'Cause I like life in Paddy’s Pub,

It's the place for me,

It's the place I go,

Where the beer is cheap

And the lights are low.

It's Paddy's Pub. I like Paddy's Pub.

Let the record show,

The greatest place to go.

Is that bar called Patty's pub.

[plays harmonica]

Charlie: I like life in Paddy's pub.



Glenn: Oh, yeah.



Rob: What's up, Philadelphia?

Glenn: What's up, Philly?

Charlie: Thanks for hanging out with us tonight, guys.

Rob: I'd like to, uh, address right off the bat the, uh, eagle in the room.


Rob: Um, apparently, there is a, uh, American football game being played here at the Link and I'm devastated that I'm not there, but I'm very happy that you are all here.


Rob: Now, we booked this event months before the NFL, uh, put out its schedule, and as soon as it did, I begged them to change it, and apparently once you sign a contract, that's binding.


Rob: Is that correct?

Meg: Oh, I thought you meant that you begged the Eagles to change it. You meant me.


Rob: I can't believe that the game is being played without me being able to watch it.

Meg: [laughs]

Rob: I'm surprised that the, uh--

Glenn: Are you worried that if-if you don't go through your little quirks and routines that, uh, they're going to lose tonight?

Rob: The boys need me. Yeah, of course.

Glenn: The boys need you.

Rob: They need everybody in this room.

Charlie: Rob, is there a way--?

Rob: So, yes.

[audience cheering]

Charlie: Is there a way we can have our cake and eat it too?

Rob: Funny that you should ask. So, um, hopefully none of you will, uh, take your phone out of your pocket to see the score.


Rob: And we have a-a-a system set up. For every time the Eagles score a touchdown, you will hear this.

Announcer: Touchdown, Eagles.


Rob: [unintelligible 00:51:39]

Charlie: We got you guys. We got you.

Rob: And then we will- and then we will-we will, of course, chant. Don't do it yet, but it turns out, now the game just started and on the opening drive, guess what happens?

Announcer: Touchdown, Eagles.


Glenn: Whoa.

Rob: And now we will say, E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles. Okay, thank you.

Meg: All right, so we should start the show then.

Charlie: Let's talk about this, uh, episode of television.

Meg: Yeah, let's get into it.

Charlie: You guys got to watch the second half of it.

Meg: Yeah, did that makes sense?

Glenn: Uh, did-did any of you watch the first half in, uh, anticipation of--


Charlie: All right.

Glenn: Oh, wait, really? Okay.

Charlie: Because otherwise you'd be totally lost.


Glenn: [laughs] Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very complex plot. Uh. [laughs] What?

Charlie: Lots of moving parts in this episode.

Glenn: Yeah. [laughs]

Charlie: Speaking of moving parts, how about that dick shadow?


Meg: Oh, yeah. I actually-- I did wanna talk about that dick shadow, and I think we have a photo of it that we can put up cause I-I had a question.

Charlie: Yeah. Now, here--

Meg: My-my- my question for you is, which one of you supplied the dick-

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: -for the shadow?

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Now, I'll say, and this is the best part about Kaitlin not being here, I can say, that's me.

Meg: [laughs]


Rob: And there's nobody here to dispute it.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: It was- It was actually, uh, all three of us lined up together.


Glenn: [laughs] Right on top of each other.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.


Rob: All three of us, we just stacked.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Oh, we mashed our dicks- mashed our dicks together, stacked them and stuffed them in.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: We, often times when we're making this show, we have lots of really funny emails with people who have like mundane jobs, and this isn't a setup for some emails that we're gonna put on the show, but, uh, and like, you know, we'll have to write back and forth to these standards and practice people and they'll say, you know, "Please make sure your penis shadow, uh, does not have any veins or no details."


Rob: Do you remember? Cause we got--

Charlie: Yeah, can we-can we put that back up again.


Charlie: I remember this-this exact conversation. So, if you'll notice the contour at the-at the very top-

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -that was the most we could get away with.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: But trust us when we say, we wanted a massive head to this dong.


Glenn: A real mushroom tip.

Charlie: A real-- Yeah, and--

Glenn: But instead, we got like, Ridley Scott's alien, you know what I mean? Like--

Rob: [laughs] Yeah, [unintelligible 00:54:05]


Rob: Actually, interestingly enough, look at Frank's arm. That's the dick I wanted.


Meg: Yeah.

Rob: Look at that.

Meg: That was like the one we got on the dick bike, though. That was like a serious one.

Glenn: Oh, well that had a fist at the end of it.


Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: That did have a little fist at the end of it. If you guys are good--

Rob: And a good wobble which made it funnier.

Meg: [laughs] Yeah.

Glenn: A what?

Rob: A good wobble to the dick bike.

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: Up and wobble. Down, and up and wobble.

Glenn: Sure. I don't know if that's what you want, but it's funny.

Rob: Let's talk about-- Do you have a great monologue at the top of this, uh, episode, where-where you're talking about the duster?

Glenn: Oh, uh, uh, yeah.

Rob: Uh, and you're very irritated about the idea that someone would ask you to burn the duster.

Glenn: We-well okay, okay, so actually, I-I don't know if you guys remember this, but on the day that we shot that, um, episode, I was irritated. I was actually--

Charlie: Uh, oh, we-we remember. We remember very well.

Rob: Oh, we know, this was a setup.

Meg: Wait, wait, wait, you were irritated about something?

Glenn: Oh, fuck off.

Rob: The reason-the reason Charlie asked that question is because we remember it-


Glenn: -very very well.

Charlie: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Glenn: Oh, so he's prompting me?

Rob: Ye-yes.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like a show.

Rob: He's led you into a trap-he's led you into a trap that you've just stepped into in front of 5,000 people.

Glenn: Okay. All right. I was hoping this whole thing was more spontaneous but you know whatever. Um, so yeah. I was, uh, irritated much like I am now, uh, um. Okay so we showed up on the day to shoot that monologue and somebody and I don't know who decided this, I don't know if you guys remember it, who decided this but somebody built like a stage. So like we were having this, you know, funeral and we're supposed to all, you know, get up and talk about you guys and how much we miss you and shit. Uh, and, uh, there was a stage and I-and I remember showing up on the day that we were-we were rehearsing it and I was like, "Why is the-- Who-who fucking built this stage? Like what-- Who did this? Like no one's on board for this like I don't wanna do-- Nobody want to be there everybody thinks--"

Meg: Oh you mean which of characters would have built it--

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah like [crosstalk]

Meg: [unintelligible 00:55:58] at the crew--

Glenn: Not who on the crew. No, no, no like who--

Rob: That's what Glenn likes to do he likes to come in the morning and yell at the crew. He'd be like, "Who the fuck-- Who built this stage?"

Charlie: "Who built this stage?" "Uh, I did, I'm-- You guys told me to build it."

Glenn: Uh, that's a lie, I'm very nice to the crew, uh, no I was-- I-I just did-- No I was-I was confused and so like what-- How did-how-- Within the context of the show. Of the reality of the world that the show takes place in, who would have built a stage? And it didn't make any sense and these guys were like, "Shut the fuck up dude, just do the fucking show like who cares?" I care.

Charlie: All right. Now that you are a little irritated tell me you're not gonna burn the duster?

Rob: Yes. Please. Actually I would love--

Charlie: You're a little agitated and I-I--

Rob: I want- burn-- We're gonna burn the duster.

Charlie: We're gonna burn it.


Rob: I want you to burn the duster Glenn.


Charlie: We're gonna-we're gonna burn it.

Glenn: I'm not burning the duster. Okay?


Glenn: That's crazy. Why would you burn something so fucking awesome-- Burn the dust-- Are you-- No. No. No. I'm not burning the duster. That's off the table, okay? I don't care about your fucking list of demands, okay? I'm not burning this, it's crazy all right. Move past it cause it's not-- That's not happening. It wouldn't burn anyway. It wouldn't burn anyway, it's flame retardant, thank you. Yeah. This guy gets it, it's like a shield of armor, I mean it's fucking built to withstand-- No, it's not happening, move past it.

Charlie: Burn the duster.

Glenn: No.

Charlie: I'm not burning the duster.


Glenn: So just-- So move past it. Just move on. Actually when we-when we--

Charlie: Talk a little about this hand because that was very funny to me.

Glenn: Yeah. Well that was, uh--

Rob: This shows you how long this dumbass show has been on television.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: That was three presidential terms ago.

Glenn: Yeah it was because that was, uh-- It was a George Bush thing, right?

Charlie: Yeah. George Bush talked like this.

Glenn: And it's kind of like, George Bush like when he would talk, he would pause and then he would keep going and his hand would go like this. It's like-- It's almost like his hand was like winding his brain up.


Charlie: I'm trying to put food on you family.

Glenn: I can't-- [laughs]

Meg: You reference in this episode, uh, Europeans-

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah.

Meg: -and their-their adventurous sexual practices.

Charlie: Oh.

Glenn: Did enjoy by the way that-that-that we made them just-- It made Jan just like a European in general.

Meg: Yes.

Glenn: You know what I mean like-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -it was a very specific conversation like--

Charlie: Vaguely European man.

Jan: Yeah look. I'm gonna be up front with you, I run with a pretty wild crew. It's probably gonna be chicks over here like all the time. I mean that's some pretty crazy shit.


Jan: And here's the best part, I don't even know most of their names. Mm-mm.

Glenn: Oh oh. Oh yes it's like-- Wow yeah. You know I've been trying to get into the anonymous sex thing lately.

Jan: Oh yeah?

Glenn: Now are you, uh, European?

Jan: Oh, I'm sorry. What gave it away? [laughs]

Meg: Jan, uh, Dennis' roommate is played by Kier O'Donnell-

Glenn: Yes

Meg: -so, um, how did you guys cast him? And do you know him already? When?

Glenn: No. No. I remember exactly what it was. We were-- It was just like anything else. We were like looking at auditions and Kier O'Donnell came on and was-- Just like-- He wasn't even close. He was so much funnier than anybody else and so that's how-that's how Kier got cast. That's dude's amazing.

Meg: Oh sorry guys this is weird but, um, I'm getting a call right now from someone, um, oh.

Glenn: What do you mean?

Jan: Pow. Hello. Hi guys it's me, Jan. Your favorite European roommate. Well hello City of Philadelphia [laughs] it's a little bird told me, "Peep peep." Get out. So you guys were back in the city of brotherly love. And look at this beautiful crowd. Oh my gosh. Wow. I wish I could be there, guys, but, well, I'm technically not allowed back in the United States right now. Bad boy, huh? Look, I miss you guys, all right, so, I sent you, well, a little kinky surprise, huh? Turn around. Turn around.

Glenn: Eh?

Jan: I won't do what I usually do, and head on back just to the back the wall.

Charlie: There?

Glenn: The wall?

Jan: Well, no party is complete without a glory hole.


Charlie: Come on.

Glenn: Wow.

Charlie: You got us our own glory hole.

Meg: Do you guys wanna--

Glenn: Do we wanna what?

Meg: Do you guys wanna check that?

Charlie: Why don't we let one unlucky fan there enjoy the glory hole?

Meg: Wow. Okay.

Glenn: Who wants all the glory tonight, guys? Who wants all the glory?

Charlie: Who's-who's feeling glorious?

Rob: I think like we gotta find somebody who's dressed up.

Glenn: We got some cricket.

Charlie: Oh, we got a Rickety Cricket in the house. That's amazing, man.

Glenn: Whoa. How old is the whole dayman?

Charlie: Look at that pizza hat right there.

Glenn: Pizza hat. Pizza hat.

Meg: Pizza hat lady.

Rob: Hey, green man, put the hood on.

Charlie: Oh yeah, there we go.

Glenn: There we go.

Meg: You just get your face just down here a little bit and peep into this hole-

Charlie: That's the way to do it.

Meg: -and I think something's gonna come out.

Charlie: Yes, he is. Oh, it's a Sunny poster.

Meg: Wow.

Glenn: That's way more wholesome than what I was expecting.

Meg: Now this gentleman is from Wrexham.

Rob: What?

Man: Yeah.

Rob: Up the town, motherfucker.

Meg: Do you wanna peep into this glory hole?

Charlie: You're probably familiar with the ones in Wrexham.


Charlie: Get a good look in there. It's another poster.

Glenn: Okay, good, good, good, good, good.

Meg: And I don't need to ask your name because your name is Greenman. What's this gonna be? Don't get too close. Don't get too close. [crosstalk] Oh God. Oh God-

Charlie: Lookout.

Meg: -oh God [crosstalk].

Charlie: It's a hot dog. It's a hot dog.

Meg: Oh, it's a hot dog.

Charlie: All right, Greenman.

Meg: [laughs] Thank you so much.


Charlie: I wouldn't eat that. Don't eat that.

Meg: He really can't see in that thing. I don't-I don't think.

Charlie: No, you can't see it. That's why the hot dog got so close to his face.


Meg: I'd like to talk about that slideshow which is really awesome, um, that Mac and Charlie slideshow. And I happen to know that, um, your set photographer Pat Mac took all those photos of you guys, uh, for that slideshow. And I know that because he shared some of the extra ones that never made it into the episode with me and I put them together. Uh, I also added Glenn so he would feel included. Um, so, let's roll. Let's roll it.

Charlie: Hey, guys.

Glenn: Thanks, Meg. I appreciate that, Meg.



Rob: It feels like yesterday. It feels like we just did that.

Glenn: Oh, does it?

Charlie: I watched that and I'm like, "Fuck, I should dress like a cowboy more."


Glenn: You what?

Charlie: Yeah. That's-that looks right.

Glenn: That's-that's where your head goes?

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah.

Rob: If I'm being honest, I felt the same way. I feel like I'm pulling that look off.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Oh, good for you.

Rob: Yeah.

Meg: I-I like that Rob's trying to look strong, so he's carrying rope.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? What is-- Is that like, uh--

Rob: I-I-I shit you not. And we-- I'll-I'll take a photo of this and we can put it on the podcast. Kaitlin has that framed and in her closet.

Meg: Really?


Rob: That photo is in a frame in Kaitlin's closet.

Charlie: Why were you always in rope though? Were you like eight-pack maybe with this rope?

Glenn: Yeah. What's-what's the idea? Or you-you-you're working on the docks and you gotta tie stuff out. You gotta tie out crates and then-

Rob: Yeah, bro.

Glenn: -vessels as they come in-

Charlie: Yeah, that's it.

Glenn: -you gotta tie them up and make sure they don't bump into anything [laughs]?

Charlie: Rob was very phallic. He knew a lot of it.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: Yeah. Okay. I liked it.

Rob: I like to bind. I like to be bound.


Glenn: You guys get it. You guys get it. Um, one of my favorite scenes in this-- I-I-I gotta give Kaitlin Olson. Are you guys familiar? Kaitlin Olson?


Glenn: I think my favorite scene in the entire episode is that scene on the bus just watching her just be endlessly frustrated by the freaks that are on that bus. And-and the guy, the-the-the--

Charlie: The guy who throws up?

Glenn: Yeah. So--

Charlie: The mouth thing. Breathing into your mouth?

Glenn: Yeah, just-- [laughs] Can you try it? Do not--

Charlie: This guy is excellent.

Kaitlin: Hey, sir, sir. I just-- I need to pull the cord to get off the bus. This is my stop. You're in my way. Can you get out of the way so I can pull the cord? Now get out of the way so I can get off the bu-- Oh my God. What is wrong with you? Godammit, you bitches.

Glenn: So, I don't know, are there any actors out there? Any--

Charlie: [unintelligible 01:04:59]

Glenn: Okay, right on. Well, I-I only asked because if you've ever had the experience of auditioning for something, you know, it can be often very strange. In, you know, in this guy's audition, uh, it was literally just like just stand there and stare at somebody and look creepy. [laughs] You know what I mean? And just breathe on them, you know? So, I do remember that we very-- We had a very specific idea in mind for what-what we wanted that puke to be and we gave him the direction. The direction was, ''We want you to spit up on your shirt like a baby.''


Glenn: Do you remember that?

Charlie: Like a little hiccup.

Glenn: Yeah, just like a little--

Charlie: And then just dribble it out like a baby.

Glenn: Just like, you know? And he-- [laughs] Anybody who's had a baby you've seen that. It just-it just kind of-- It's just funny. It comes out like--

Charlie: Was that actor's name Americus? Am I making that up? I said I feel like I'm making that up [laughs].

Rob: Actually, we were talking about it being Atticus but I think you're right. It was Americus.

Glenn: I think it was Americus.

Charlie: That man's name was Americus. So-- [laughs] That, I mean--

Rob: And we brought him back.

Charlie: Fuck yeah, America.


Rob: Fuck yeah, America.

Glenn: Y'all like this country?

Charlie: [sings] Fuck yeah, I'm gonna rise up. I'm gonna kick a little ass. Gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain flag. Gonna fly on an Eagle. I'm gonna drive a little truck. I'm gonna kick a little butt. Rock, Flag, and Eagle.


Charlie: America, man.

Glenn: America.

Rob: America.

Meg: It was Atticus.

Charlie: What's that?

Glenn: America.

Megan: It was Atticus.

Charlie: It was-it was Atticus?

Meg: [laughs] Atticus, yeah.

Glenn: Oh shit.


Rob: You know what? We were going--

Charlie: Not to me.

Rob: But I so--

Charlie: Not to me.

Rob: This is one of the first times that I'm upset that we were right. I wanted you to be right so badly.

Charlie: Yeah, I wanted that man's name to be Americus.

Glenn: Why don't we convince them that it was right?

Rob: Because Americus is so much cooler than Atticus.

Glenn: Americus.

Charlie: What's his first name?

Glenn: Anybody out there named Americus?

Charlie: What's his last name? Is it Atticus Americus?

Glenn: Stop.

Meg: Um, his last name is, uh, Atticus Todd.

Charlie: That sucks.

Meg: Yeah.


Meg: Let's talk about Philly a little bit-

Charlie: How many--

Meg: -because I feel like--

Charlie: Let's talk about Philly a little bit.

Meg: For both of these episodes, you, um, you shot in Philly. What is it like, uh, shooting in Philly? Do you guys have any great memories of being here in this city? You could also bag on it, I mean, if you feel like turning the crowd against Yopa.

Charlie: I wouldn't do that in here.

Glenn: Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I don't wanna get hit in the face with a battery. Um--


Charlie: Uh, no. Filming in Philly is the fucking best place-

Glenn: It's the best.

Charlie: -in the world to film anything.


Charlie: It was good.

Glenn: It's the best. It's amazing how many people actually show up to set when we- when we come here and film. We need to do it again. It's been- it's been too long.

Charlie: I feel the love.

Glenn: Honestly, it's been too long since we've been here and we need to remedy that.

Meg: Well, I--

Glenn: What do you say? Yeah?

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: No? Look at-- She's not enthusiastic at all about--

Rob: No, I think, honestly it's the opposite. I think if I talk about it a little too much I might start crying.

Meg: Oh, don't do that.

Charlie: Let's have some tears.

Rob: Well--

Charlie: Let's shed a tear for Philadelphia.

Glenn: Are-are you--

Charlie: Actually, you know what? I'm gonna call bullshit on that.


Glenn: Are you having feelings?

Charlie: I don't think you can cry right now.

Meg: Well, I'll-I'll-- I've got a little tear-jerker thing-

Charlie: What?

Meg: -because--

Charlie: Don't help him.

Meg: I'm gonna- I'm gonna help because I'm, uh-- Pat sent me some great photos of when you shot your Christmas episode here.

Rob: Wow. Yeah.

Meg: And, um, I--

Glenn: Have you guys seen the Christmas episode?


Meg: I've got a little slideshow of pictures here and, um, I remember Rob telling me a story about the shoot, so--

Rob: Yeah. So-so normally, we're used to shooting in-in Los Angeles where everybody is just annoyed that you're even anywhere close to their house or their block and-

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: -they just complain and--

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And so, we were doing a Christmas episode and it was the middle of July or August. As you can see, we were all sweating.

Charlie: [laughs] I was on shorts and-

Glenn: Yeah, I was on shorts. T-shirts and shorts.

Charlie: -tank tops.

Rob: And we needed to do this big Christmas scene and so we had our location manager go out and they went on knocking on each one of these people's doors and asking them if they will be okay if we shot this Christmas episode. Not only did they say that it would be okay to shoot-- To shut down the entire street but all of these Christmas decorations are put up by the people who lived on this block.


Charlie: Amazing.

Rob: This is not our-our department. This is them. They-they got out in-in July and they put up their Christmas decorations for us because they wanted to be a part of the show. And that's-- That is to me what it is to come back to this city and--


Charlie: That's amazing, applause.

Rob: I had a moment, uh, a couple of years ago where, um, uh, Chase Utley's, um, number--


Rob: So his number was retired and, uh, Chase, uh, called me and asked me if I would have a catch with him.


Rob: At Citizen's Bank when we were announced, uh, the announcer said, "Philadelphia's own, Rob McElhenney." And--


Glenn: Wait. Are you from here?

Rob: And to-to have grown up in this ci-city and to be, um, surrounded by all of you people my entire life and to go out into the world and do whatever it is that I'm doing, but to be able to celebrate it and come back home and to still feel like every time I come home that not only am I welcomed by you, um, but that you still consider me to be your own and I consider you to be a part of everything that I am. I'm eternally grateful.


Rob: Oh, and--

Glenn: Let's do a toast. Should we do a toast?

Rob: If anybody has alcohol out there. I would love to do a toast.

Glenn: Let's do a toast, guys.

Rob: Just straight up to the city of Philadelphia. I love you. Thank you.

Announcer: Touchdown. Eagles.

Glenn: Oh.

Rob: This is turning into one of the greatest nights of my entire life.

Audience: E-A-G-L-E-S. Eagles.

Speakers: That eagle's born out of thunder. He flies through the night. Don't you mess with his eggs y'all. Oh, you'll see him flying. Yes, we have feathers, but the muscles of men. Ah-huh. 'Cause we're birds of war now, but we're also men, birds of war.

Rob: Ah, ah, ah.

Meg: Sort of a little bit put me in the mood for a song.

Rob: Hey Charlie.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Will you play a song?

Charlie: I'll play a song. I'll play a song. I'll play a song.

Glenn: You guys want a song? Song or no Song?

Crowd: Song.

Glenn: A song then. A song then. A song it is.

Charlie: Yeah. Does this thing work? [unintelligible 01:11:51].

Glenn: Is this thing on?

Charlie: [sings]

Turn it up a little bit. Turn this shit up, man. There we go.

I was that little boy. That little baby boy was me.

I once was a boy but now I am a man.

I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman.

Now I'm here to ask for your hand,

so if you want to marry man, will you marry me?

Would you come on stage and join me, in this thing called matrimony?

Please say yes and do not bone me please. Just marry--

Glenn: Oh.

Charlie: There he is.

Glenn: There he is.

Charlie: Me.

Glenn: Yes sir. Thank you, sir, for coming out of nowhere. You creep.

Charlie: There he is. The Dayman himself.

Glenn: God bless you.

Charlie: [sings]

There is a spider. Spider, spider.

Deep in my soul. Soul.

He's lived here for years.

He just can't let go.

He's hanging around.

He's got a mean bite.

Now he's ready to fight,

And stand up for what he knows.

I don't want your trophies,

Or your gold.

I just wanna tell you all,

Go fuck yourselves.


Fuck you, I don't need you here in my bar.

Go fuck yourselves.

Rob: We love you guys.

Charlie: Fuck you [unintelligible 01:14:29]


Glenn: We fucking love you guys. We love the shit out of you guys.

Rob: Thank you Philly. Fuck you Philly.

Glenn: Go fuck yourselves.

Rob: Go fuck yourselves. Love you Philly and fuck you.

Glenn: Good night guys. [applause]

Charlie: [sings]


Fighter of the night man

Champion of the sun

You're a master of karate

And friendship

For everyone.


Fighter of the night man

Champion of the sun

You're a master of karate

And friendship

For everyone.

Dayman, Dayman, Dayman

Fighter of the night man.

Champion of the sun

You're a master of karate

And friendship

For everyone.


Fighter of the night man

Champion of the sun

You're a master of karate

And friendship

For everyone.


Fighter of the night man

Champion of the sun.


Fighter of the night man

Champion of the sun

You're a master of karate

And friendship

For everyone.

Dayman, Dayman, Dayman, Dayman


Rob: Stage, freeze.

Glenn: Don't say stage, freeze. Just do it.



Woman: The Sunny Podcast is basically a bunch of dudes-

Man: Yo, you know Danny DeVito?

Woman: -talking about a show that they were in.

Man: We got a little too loud but the same time, we're like birds fans.

Woman: But they can't exactly stay on task.

Man 2: I got one word for you. Electric. Absolutely electric.

Woman: They distract each other. They keep going on and on and on and on and-

Man 2: He loves it. He loves it.

Man 3: He loves it.

Woman: And the sweet girl keeps trying so, so hard to try to get them back on topic and they listen to her for a second. They're like, yes, yes, yes. But--

[background noise]

Woman: That guy was texting. I love Philadelphia.

Man: Thank you for coming. Megan, structure now. Give Megan a raise by the way. For Christ sake, why do we got to sell-- Oh, here's Megan's shill of the day. And don't- And don't make her feel like shit about it. Don't make-- Oh, Megan's gotta pay rent this week. Well, then pay her more, fuck face.

[End Credits]


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