39. The Waitress (with special guest, Mary Elizabeth Ellis!) – The Always Sunny Podcast
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The Waitress (with special guest, Mary Elizabeth Ellis!)

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39. The Waitress (with special guest, Mary Elizabeth Ellis!)

On the pod, the guys revisit the best of "The Waitress" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with special guest, Mary Elizabeth Ellis.

Rob McElhenney: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the podcast. We are back. Everybody’s in the studio today.

Charlie Day: We’re back, and--

Mary Elizabeth Ellis: Wait, are we starting?

Charlie: W- Yeah. This is-- This is it.

Rob: This is how it goes.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, you guys aren’t good at guests yet.

Charlie: No.

Mary Elizabeth: You got to tell somebody.

Charlie: We’re now, now.

Glenn Howerton: Uh, we’re starting.

Rob: No, Megan’s the one that’s got to tell us.

Charlie: Yeah.

Megan Ganz: Mm.

Rob: But she didn’t say. She just said--

Megan: Mary Elizabeth, you’re on the podcast now.

Rob: She said, “Make sounds.”

Mary Elizabeth: Now?

Megan: Yeah, now.

Charlie: Guys, everyone’s back. Everyone’s back in person. Uh, Megan’s here. Mary Elizabeth Ellis is here. Um, not a lot of hair, though, between the men.


Rob: No, we went short.

Charlie: And, uh, yeah, we went short. But, but.

Mary Elizabeth: And I added a little hair.

Rob: You–yeah.

Charlie: And you’ve added some hair, into your hair to thicken it up.

Mary Elizabeth: I added a little hair into my hair. Yeah.

Charlie: Sure.

Glenn Howerton: You add-- You added hair to your hair?

Mary Elizabeth: It’s a- it's a Hollywood secret.

Charlie: There’s like some clips in there?


Glenn: All right.

Mary Elizabeth: So maybe like fake hair in my hair.

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All you have left is a rat tail.


Mary Elizabeth: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I’m trying to keep up.

Charlie: That’s the stress of living with me. Um--


Charlie: But before we get into it, we were going to try something with Mr. Glenn Howerton’s head here.

Glenn: Yeah. This is, uh-- This is, uh-- So, I wrapped the movie.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: I finished the movie, um, not last night, but the night before last, and, um, I no longer have to walk around in the world like this if I choose not to. And I choose not to. Uh, so–

Charlie: Right.

Mary Elizabeth: Your hair is like a Friar Tuck thing?


Charlie: Friar Tuck, though, with the hair would continue in the front.

Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Does it?

Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: I thought it was just smaller around the back.

Charlie: It’s-it’s just a ring of baldness, right?

Glenn: Oh, right. It’s a-- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Charlie: It’s a ring of baldness.

Glenn: Is that what it is?

Charlie: Is that what it is or is the other way around where it’s just a little patch of hair?


Mary Elizabeth: A hair cap.

Rob: That’s a good look. Yeah.

Glenn: I’m getting a little mixed up. I can’t remember.

Rob: A yarmulke hair.

Glenn: Just a–


Charlie: Google Friar Tuck’s hair.

Glenn: It’s not that--

Charlie: Oh, yeah. Look at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Rob: Oh, no there’s different versions of him.

Charlie: Oh, man. But that’s the best version.

Mary Elizabeth: Well, we can get-- They will-- We’ll have the hair people build you a little piece for the front.

Charlie: He has a-- He has a skin yarmulke.


Mary Elizabeth: A skin yarmulke?

Glenn: A skin yarmulke.

Charlie: Right? Isn’t that what that is?


Mary Elizabeth: What a-- What a rascal.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Like a rascal look.

Charlie: All right, but we’re go-- We’re gonna take the rest of your hair off, Glenn.

Glenn: We’re going to cut that, cut that, cut that.

Charlie: We’re going to cut that hair. Um--

Rob: Well, should we have our special guest cut that hair?

Charlie: That’s a–

Mary Elizabeth: No, I don’t wanna be in charge of that.

Rob: No, she doesn’t wanna do that.

Glenn: Are you sure?

Mary Elizabeth: No.

Charlie: It’s too much pressure?

Glenn: That’s not–it doesn’t excite you?

Mary Elizabeth: No, I’m not a woman that works for you who comes in and cuts your hair when you want me to.

Rob: No, but we get to tell you what to do now.

Mary Elizabeth: That’s true.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: That’s true.

Rob: I wasn’t sure if you were aware of that.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. We’re back.

Mary Elizabeth: Speaking of Cut that. Cut that. Cut that. Like my rights.

Rob: Cut that. Cut that. Cut that. It’s not a political show.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We cut all those rights.

Mary Elizabeth: No, let’s move on-

Rob: Move on.

Mary Elizabeth: -because we need joy. We need joy and happiness.


Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: We need joy and happiness.

Glenn: You don’t like talking about it? Alright.

Charlie: Alright. So--

Mary Elizabeth: But I am excited about all the ways that this hair could come off, so I’m down to pitch some--

Charlie: Well, we have, a, uh, clipper.

Rob: Because we can mes- Can we- Can we-- Yes, but can we mess with it? We can play a little bit about it.

Glenn: What do you–you wanna grab at it and start yanking it?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Glenn: There’s one way to do it, there’s the two clippers

Rob: We can try a couple of different styles before we go all the way off. Right? Maybe–

Charlie: No.

Megan: Should I get baggies? Do you guys want to save it or?

Glenn: No.

Charlie: To um–

Mary Elizabeth: To glue on the front?

Megan: Yeah. [laughs]


Charlie: Well, we should get some kind of baggie to cover Glenn’s shirt, so he doesn’t get all little hair particles down.

Megan: Yeah. I’ve got that.

Glenn: She’s got that. She’s-She’s got a-- [chuckles]

Charlie: All right. So, let’s wrap that--

Glenn: She’s got what is that a trapper?


Charlie: And Glenn, who would you like to do the clipping?

Rob: What if we have two people going at once? I’m doing one thing on one side and Charlie’s doing something on the other.

Charlie: We only got one clipper.

Glenn: We got only one razor.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Oh, okay.

Glenn: What–So, somebody’s using the razor on one side, and somebody’s just pulling it out.

Mary Elizabeth: You can make–

Charlie: I would like to shave it. I’ve never shaved someone else’s head, and I’m excited about the prospect.

Megan: Come one.

Glenn: I think you should do it.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: You don’t mind?

Glenn: I think you should do it. And I-I-I--

Charlie: Everyone’s okay with this?

Rob: Can I have-- Uh, I have one.

Glenn: What? You want one whack at it?

Rob: Oh, I see. Okay. I was going to try and draw something in there, but I think that that-

Glenn: Oh, you wanna try--

Rob: -it’s not that that razors might not be dexterous enough.

Glenn: No. Yeah, you might need something a little more--

Mary Elizabeth: You might have to study.

Glenn: You wanna-- You wanna do something fun first? What do you-- What do you-

Meg: Momentous.

Glenn: -wanna do want to do? Or should we just--

Charlie: There’s not a lot of a-- There’s not a great palette there, to--

[clipper sound]

Glenn: Let me put this–


Rob: Oh.

Glenn: Move this coffee out of the way.


Rob: It’s like a lightsaber.

Glenn: Are we, uh--

Charlie: Okay. You wanna just get to it?

Mary Elizabeth: Do we need to--

Glenn: Well, I just wanna make sure that we’re good. Are we good? Are we getting this?

Mary Elizabeth: We should have set a camera up in the back, too, so we can see what’s going on back here. It’s very exciting from my perspective.

Glenn: It’s psoriasis in the back, you know.

Rob: That’s the psoriasis cam. You don’t want the psoriasis cam?


Glenn: Well, but-- By the way. That is the-- This is the-- This is the area that has the psoriasis. This is the area that I need you to be the gentlest.


Charlie: I’ll go gentle in that area. Alright.


Rob: Okay, hold on a second, too. Sure, give me one second. We can make--

Mary Elizabeth: You gotta film it from the side. Yeah.

Rob:We can make this multimedia. I’ll just film it from the other side, yeah.

Charlie: And that’s good. Come one back in and let’s get a shot here.

Megan: I think-- I don’t know very well, but I think you go like this and up.

Glenn: Yes, that is correct.

Charlie: And up? I don’t go along the grain in the hair?

Megan: No. I think you go–

Glenn: No, you go against it.

Megan: That way.

Glenn: You go against the grain.

Rob: This way.

Charlie: You go against the grain. Okay. It’s good that I could snag or pull–

Mary Elizabeth: And I think you’re supposed to push hard. Like,  just push hard.

Megan: You guys don’t

Charlie: Here it comes.

Glenn: Uh, don’t push hard.


Megan: This is a full–

Charlie: That’s nice though. Here we go.

Rob: This is a full production.

Mary Elizabeth: You can TikTok this.

Charlie: How’s that feel?

Glenn: That’s not too bad, buddy.

Mary Elizabeth: Not to be left out.


Rob: Oh, that was great.

Charlie: Wow. Oh, boy. And this is a gentle area. I got to go gentle here. You got a little dry skin in the psoriasis.

Glenn: Can you see it?

Charlie: Mm, we can see all that. Not bad.

Rob: A little bit.


Glenn: It’s been irritated by the--

Charlie: It’s better than Melanoma. Oh, I should’ve left like a little--

Megan: Have-- Charlie, have you ever shaved somebody else’s side before?

Charlie: No, this is the first.

Megan: This is the first.

Mary Elizabeth: Um, Glenn, I’m-I’m sensing an opportunity to really release here, to let go of some things that you’ve been holding on to.


Glenn: Urgh.

Mary Elizabeth: Right? Let’s get spiritual with it.

Megan: Yeah. People open up to their hairdressers, right?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Megan: You should just do that.

Rob: That's the psoriasis we're talking about.

Charlie: We might have to do, like, a time-lapse instead of--

Glenn: Oh, Rob. Um--

Charlie: That was fun. That’s a good job.

Mary Elizabeth: Is it satisfying?

Charlie: Yeah, I think so. I think it could be the guys like, “All right. You’re shipping off on Thursday.”


Glenn: Right? How-- How is it? Is it, uh, is it close to the length on top, or is it not even close? Because it’s pretty-- it’s really short on top.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I mean, I just shaved it.

Charlie: It’s not quite close though.

Megan: I think I’ll adjust it after you get that off. I’ll adjust it because I think it goes a little bit closer.

Glenn: Wait, so this thing can go closer and we didn’t do that?

Megan: Got a good head shape, Glenn.

Mary Elizabeth: That’s what–that’s what I was saying too.

Charlie: Well–

Glenn: That’s what Mary Elizabeth said. I appreciate that. I-I am-- Yeah, I’ve-I’ve-I’ve buzzed it pretty damn close before. I’ve never shaved it, shaved it, but I’ve buzzed it like the way Rob has it, even shorter than that. And, yeah, I was all right with it. [

Rob: [Chuckles] This was a problem because I shaved it, um, I had it done, and it was a three. And I know that for a fact because the woman that cut it said, "This is a three, and you can do it yourself if you want because it’s a three."

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah.

Rob: So I was in New York City, and I had grown back when it was at a weird spot where I was like, “Ah, I can either let it grow in or I can shave it again, back down to a three,” and I kind of like it, that look. It feels good. So I went out to a store in New York City and I bought a razor, just like that, and I set it to three, the three setting, and I shaved it and it went basically as short as that.

Glenn: What the hell?

Rob: And then I called around and it turns out it’s not a universal number.

Glenn: No.

Rob: A three is not a three, depending on the-- Now, how the fuck does that make any sense?

Mary Elizabeth: Upsetting.

Charlie: I’m so sorry. This here is a Canadian three.


Rob: Yeah, this is a New York City three.


Charlie: A three in Canada is a two.

Rob: Let’s just make it as confusing as possible.


Rob: Why-Why not just have an accepted--

Charlie: I think that’s pretty, pretty there man.

Glenn: A standard?

Rob: A standard.

Glenn: Yeah?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: I mean, I can’t- I can’t totally match the--

Rob: That’s pretty good.

Glenn: Is it pretty close?

Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, man, I want the eyebrows to go so bad.


Charlie: Like something’s like right here, I can’t get lower.

Rob: I do too. Like I want to take all of it off.

Mary Elizabeth: I think just so, so, so, it’s so hairy now.

Glenn: You want to shave the eyebrows off? No.

Rob: Yeah. I wanna take the eyebrows off, and the-- and the facial. No, we’re not gonna do that.

Charlie: No, no, no, no, no. Not taking the eyebrows.

Mary Elizabeth: No, but I want. I’m just saying what. I’m just telling you what I want.

Glenn: No, thank you, Charlie-- Yeah. You want to. I get it. I understand want. Look at this guy. He’s the one taking care of me, man.

Rob: I-I, there was a con air. I’ll throw-- I’ll throw it in the garbage.

Glenn: I feel--


Glenn: Um, I’m going to just give myself a little shake here.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, shake it off. Charlie, you got to lotion his head up now.

Charlie: I have so much hair in my hands.

Mary Elizabeth: Go wash your hands.

Rob: Um, we have a bathroom. You could go wash those hands. Glenn’s in there looking at his head. You guys can talk about it in the bathroom. How are you?

Mary Elizabeth: I’m--

Rob: Oh.

Mary Elizabeth: I’m so happy to be here as a guest. I feel, um, like all the attention’s on me.

Rob: Yeah. Totally.

Mary Elizabeth: Completely worth my time and energy and effort.

Rob: Yeah, it feels like you-

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you for having me.

Rob: -you made your way all the way to the studio and all we’ve been talking about is everybody else but you.

Megan: I’m so glad you’re here for this.

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you. Well, it was really fun.

Rob: Well, now that they’re gone, let’s get into it.


Charlie:: You feel like a naked mole rat?

Glenn: A little bit. Yeah, yeah.


Glenn: That’s what it’s like. Yeah. I feel like I’ve been stripped of something, you know?

Rob: Dignity.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Stripped of my dignity, uh, stripped of sort of my iconic look you know.


Megan: Do you think you-- That, is that, like, you’re letting the character go now? That you’ve shaved the hair off?

Glenn: I think that I’ll probably-- that will set in a little bit later, but it is amazing how much-- how much that really did affect everything. Like how I felt, how I walk into a room, how I feel when I walk into a room. I mean, it is amazing, you know, as an actor, anytime you can have, like, a-a tool like that to like, really assist in your transformation. You know what I mean? Not that I was doing anything, like, crazy transform-- transformative, but, uh, you know, character has very different energy than mine, so it-it was- it was actually super helpful.

Mary Elizabeth: And just to be able to tell people, like, “I’m-I’m working,” so. [laughs]

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Glenn: Charl, oh, I-I wore a hat. I wore a hat everywhere.

Glenn: There were just these moments. You know- you know when you’re wearing a hat, like you sometimes you take the hat off and you just kind of like rub your head and I’d be like, “Oh, shit.”


Glenn: I try to put the hat back on. It wasn’t even that I was embarrassed about being seen as, like, a bald guy. I don’t- I don’t care about that. I actually didn’t mind the way it looked. I-I-- in some ways, I kind of liked it. The only thing I was paranoid about was like I don’t even care if people were like, “Oh, Glenn Howerton is-is bald.” It’s more, “Oh, Glenn Howerton is bald and he wears a wig usually.”


Rob: Oh, wow.

Glenn: And he wear-- but he normally- he normally wears a hairpiece because he’s embarrassed that he’s bald.

Charlie: Isn’t it funny, like–

Glenn: That bugs me. That’s the-- That was the thing that bugged me.

Rob: Oh, wow.

Glenn: Actually, be, like if I just lose it--

Rob: See, I would think that you would think that that was awesome if som-- If there’s like, a few people out there that start a Reddit thread that Glenn Howerton is–


Glenn: Well, it is funny. No, that is funny.

Rob: That’s funny.

Marry: A toupee.

Glenn: But, uh, but, no, I-- Does that make sense? Like I-I-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -I wouldn’t care if-if I was just a bald dude, I wouldn’t give a shit, like.

Megan: You didn’t want to seem inauthentic?

Glenn: I didn’t want to seem inauthentic.

Charlie: No, you didn’t want to seem inauthentic or insecure. Or yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Or insecure that I was hiding it. Yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: And meanwhile, it’s an insecurity that’s making you feel bad about, you know, right?

Glenn: Yeah, right.

Charlie: It’s an insecurity that’s like, people are gonna think I’m insecure.

Glenn: Yeah. [laughs]

Charlie: It’s a crazy.

Glenn: It’s a loop.

Charlie: It don’t make no sense, man.

Rob: Guys, I’m insecure that we’ve invited Mary Elizabeth Ellis to the podcast.


Mary Elizabeth: Thank you.

Rob: And haven’t really talked-

Mary Elizabeth: I really appreciate that.

Rob: -about her or to her at all.


Mary Elizabeth: Or let me have a moment to talk, or, yeah.

Rob: Fair enough.

Charlie: Yeah, that’s true. That’s true.

Rob: Welcome to the podcast. Mary Elizabeth.

Charlie: All right. Well, let’s do it.

Glenn: Let’s do it. Mary Elizabeth, yeah.

Glenn: Let’s get into it. Let’s jump into it.

Charlie: Here we go.

Mary Elizabeth: I also want to say I’m a big fan of the podcast, um, and sometimes I’m a creep, but usually, I’m a listener.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: That’s great to hear.

Mary Elizabeth: ‘Cause usually I listen in the car. But sometimes, I take it off car mode and glance over, which is irresponsible.

Charlie: It’s dangerous.

Mary Elizabeth: And why I yell at other people while they’re driving in their cars? Like, “Fuck, put your phone down.”

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Yeah, why are you? [chuckles]

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, and you’re doing it.

Megan: You then heard last week that you got credit for, uh, Rob dancing with elbows-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Megan: -in your face during the dance marathon episode. If you’re caught up.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, I don’t know if I listened to it last week. Very inviting.

Glenn: Yeah. You go–Why don’t you tell-why don’t you tell Mary Elizabeth what you told us, then?

Rob: I remember you were- you were the one that, I was just trying different things, and you were like, “Yes, do that.” Try to hit me, don’t actually hit me. But it’s- it’s funny [Mary Elizabeth chuckles] that I-- I’m not sure if I’m going to be struck.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, good.


Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Well, I loved that dance.

Rob: And then I remember, you were laughing, and I was like, “Oh, well, if she’s laughing then- then I’m just going to keep doing it.” [Mary Elizabeth chuckles] And you were literally like bobbing and weaving as I was doing the elbows.

Mary Elizabeth: That was such a fun episode. So many, just like a party. I love it when we have like a party episode.

Glenn: Yeah. The dance- the dance episode?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, like, just everyone’s there.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: mm-hmm.

Mary Elizabeth: It was fun.

Charlie: Mary Elizabeth, we have been, uh, together for 20 long years, um, wonderful years.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: And it’s been well documented. Some people think we are-- met on Reno 911, but we were dating well before that. But, uh, do you remember?

Mary Elizabeth: Are you asking me to marry you?


Charlie: Um.

Glenn: Are you guys gonna renew your vows?


Charlie: Knowing what I know now, uh, yes.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, I was going to say, yeah, have fun raising our child by yourself.


Charlie: Uh, no, my question was, do-- what’s your first memory of meeting these two jokers?

Glenn: Oh, yeah, that’s a good question. Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: That is a good question.

Glenn: She doesn’t remember. [laughs]

Mary Elizabeth: I feel like-

Rob: You see how-- you see how we made it about us again?


Mary Elizabeth: -that, uh--

Rob: Charlie just made it about us. I love the spirit of the question.


Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: And what’s your favorite thing about each of us?

Glenn: Yeah, tell us- tell us about it.

Rob: ‘Cause we could flip that.

Charlie: Well--

Rob: But, sure.

Charlie: Sure.

Mary Elizabeth: I feel like, did I, um-- I feel like I met you and, um, Backus.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Mary Elizabeth: At that woman-- you were living out like a woman’s back house.

Rob: That’s right.

Charlie: That’s correct.

Rob: It was the very, very first place. It was a woman--

Charlie: You just landed in.

Rob: I just landed.

Mary Elizabeth: It was like, we drove in, and I feel like Charlie was like, “My buddy is from New York just got here.”

Rob: That’s right.

Mary Elizabeth: I was like, “Oh, we could, like, get high and drunk somewhere else today.”

Rob: That’s right.

Charlie: And you came over.


Mary Elizabeth: In a different place.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The look.

Rob: And we lived in the guest house of- of an older lady.

Glenn: Who’s-- who is that lady?

Rob: Don’t know.

Glenn: Oh, yeah, okay. It wasn’t–

Rob: Found her on the internet.

Glenn: Okay.

Charlie: Wow.

Rob: And we lived there.

Mary Elizabeth: And that was a brave new world at that time.

Rob: Oh, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: To find like an internet house.

Rob: And the drive across the country. We didn’t know if she-- if it was going to be there or not. We just drove there, and it turned out we rang the doorbell, and she’s like, “Yeah, welcome here.”

Glenn: Classic story. You had 50 bucks in your pocket and-

Mary Elizabeth: Found an old lady.

Glenn: -found an old lady. That’s the manager.


Charlie: And she rented it to you guys for nothing sexual?


Rob: Well, that was a part of the--

Charlie: She propositioned you guys here and there? Of course.

Rob: Yeah, we had, uh-

Charlie: Two handsome guys.

Rob: -men and, [chuckles] she was-- I think she was 85 years old.

Glenn: Did you guys try to grift her-

Rob: She’s very nice.

Glenn: -out of her money? Try to talk her out of her life savings.

Rob: No grifting, no grifting. Um, we did just share that little guest house.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: But for a short period of time, I think it was like three or four months. And in that period of time we met you.

Mary Elizabeth: I came.

Glenn: So that was before-- that was definitely before we met then. Because, uh, I think that I didn’t even-- I don’t think you and I even started hanging out together until you had moved into that apartment.

Rob: Yeah, in the other apartment.

Mary Elizabeth: I feel like I also, my earliest memory of you, places you in your apartment that you lived at.

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Mary Elizabeth: That you ended up moving into.

Rob: Mm-hmm. I moved in next door.

Glenn: Next door.

Mary Elizabeth: In like West Hollywood. Okay.

Rob: I lived-- I’ve lived-- just to be clear, and I don’t know if we’ve made this clear on the podcast, I’ve lived either with--

Glenn: He’s a parasite.


Rob: That is- that is well established.

Glenn: He’s a parasite, yeah.

Rob: That is well established. Well, I hitch my wagon to certain stars.

Mary Elizabeth: I hear when you-- I loved it when you lived with us. It was like having a teenage son.


Charlie: Yeah.


Mary Elizabeth: You’d play video games, and I’d watch you.

Rob: Yeah, just have our cigarettes and drink-

Charlie: What was that game?

Rob: -drink, drink coffee.

Mary Elizabeth: There was a zombie game, I think, that you were playing at that time.

Charlie: It was like, Resident Evil.

Rob: Resident Evil 2.

Charlie: Yeah, on the Sega Dreamcast.

Meghan: And then you decided to have a kid after that. That’s--

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, yeah. It was like, “Oh, I just really missed that.”

Rob: Yeah.


Mary Elizabeth: I wanted-I wanted to birth someone who would make me, um, dinner on the George Foreman, tater tots and-

Rob: Oh, I love the George Foreman grill.

Mary Elizabeth: -yeah, a white trash dinner.

Rob: Man, I-I-I have nothing but good memories of that. But, of course, I was the parasite in the situation. I do remember the conversation when Charlie said, “Hey man,” and I can tell, [laughs] by the-


Charlie: Time to go?

Rob: -by the hey man, like, it’s time to go, but he did it, he was just, you know, they’re the sweetest people. And he did it in the nicest of ways and was like, “You know, just Mary Elizabeth and I are going to take the next steps.”

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Ah.

Rob: Which is like?


Charlie: Not living with another dude.

Rob: The next step is not living with another dude.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I’ve been that person for years as well. Like, the New York Charlie was on everybody’s couch-

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -and apartment hopping until I found the place on Orchard Street. And then, uh, you know, even until I got the IFC money, I just-- I was- I was like, you know, living kind of like, in one place till it ran out, or people got sick of me. And then Mary Elizabeth, when we first started dating, I came out-

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: -and lived with you in Silver Lake until your roommates kicked me out.

Mary Elizabeth: For like--

Rob: I’ve been kicked out of the best houses and apartments all over the city by the best people.

Charlie: But you know, you were never kicked out for bad behavior.

Rob: No.

Charlie: As-- same with me. It was just like-

Glenn: Overstayed your welcome.

Charlie: -overstayed your welcome.


Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: You sucked us dry, and then- and then it was time to go. [chuckles]

Rob: That’s it. It’s time to go.

Glenn: Um. [chuckles]

Rob: I paid rent.

Charlie: Yeah, right?

Rob: Yeah, yeah. Yes, I paid rent. It was nominal. It didn’t mean anything to you. I just took one of your checks and just took it to the bank. Checked it.


Glenn: Just cashed one of your checks.

Rob: “He won’t even notice.”

Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: So he did do the job of just running Charlie’s money to the bank for him.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Um, and then Mary Elizabeth, at some point, we started making, uh-

Rob: Love.

Charlie: -love.

Mary Elizabeth: Sweet, sweet.

Charlie: We started making It’s Always Sunny, and we asked you to play a part.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, well, we--

Charlie: And you were still living in that Silver Lake house, right? When we shot the first scene?

Mary Elizabeth: We shot the part of the, not pilot, but like, pre-pilot pilot.

Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: At my house, where I lived with Artemis Pebdani.

Rob: Yep.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Mary Elizabeth: We also shot stuff at the Olive-- outside the Olive Garden in Burbank, where I was working.

Glenn: Well, that was- that was so-- okay so--

Mary Elizabeth: That was a different thing.

Rob: That was a different thing.

Glenn: Yeah, that was when we were doing the, um, have we talked about the first thing that we shot on this podcast-

Charlie: I think we have.

Glenn: -before we shot The Always Sunny?

Charlie: The Haley Joel Osment--

Glenn: All right, we’ll- we’ll talk about it again when we--

Rob: I still have all of that.

Glenn: Yeah, you’ve got all of the- the tapes.

Rob: I’ve got all of those DVD tapes-

Glenn: So yeah–

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, no.

Rob: -which we can start uploading, and we own all of it.

Megan: Okay.

Rob: We can put it into the podcast, and people can see the stuff we did.

Glenn: We should have someone edit it together. Yeah, so we were shooting a mockumentary about Haley Joel-- a grown-up Haley Joel Osment living with grown-up Frankie Muniz.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: That’s right.

Glenn: And they were both broke, and one of you had been in prison and had like a teardrop tattoo, even though you hadn’t actually killed somebody.

Charlie: Oh really?

Glenn: And I-- and I played your acting teacher.

Rob: You were the act-- you were the acting teacher.

Glenn: I wore a bald cap, as I recall, actually.

Rob: Yep, yep.

Glenn: Um, and, who did you-- who did you play in that?

Mary Elizabeth: I think I was just a waitress at the Olive Garden.


Rob: Yeah, who–

Glenn: Oh my God.

Charlie: That’s right.

Mary Elizabeth: But I also was a waitress at the Olive Garden.


Rob: But you, you are–you were–you were a waitress-- you were a waitress-

Mary Elizabeth: At the Olive Garden at Burbank.

Rob: -at the Olive Garden in Burbank. And you played a waitress at the Olive Garden who-

Glenn: Right.

Rob: -Haley has, uh-

Glenn: Crush on?

Rob: -no, has like a- a full-on relationship with.

Glenn: Oh, okay.

Charlie: Maybe that’s--

Mary Elizabeth: A backdoor relationship?

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Honestly, we might have taken that-

Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: -character-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: -and then like, hey, do a version of that character-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -for this play.

Glenn: Play, play a waitress in this thing too.


Charlie: And then play a waitress for the rest of your life.

Megan: Do you, do you–

Mary Elizabeth: Just have people scream waitress at you for the rest of your life.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Megan: Yeah, do you know any other types of women other than waitresses, or is that just what you write?

Mary Elizabeth: There’s birds.


Glenn: There are also--

Rob: Birds and waitresses.

Glenn: Uh–there are- there are airplane waitresses. What are they called?


Glenn: Stewardesses?

Rob: Flight attendants.

Glenn: Flight attendants.

Mary Elizabeth: Airplane waitresses.

Rob: Waitresses in the sky.

Mary Elizabeth: Moms? There’s your mother.

Glenn: There are all kinds of--

Rob: There’s your mom. Yeah, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: There’s your mother.

Glenn: Yeah, yes, the dishwasher.

Charlie: At that stage in our life, though, I don’t know that we knew many women who weren’t waitresses or--

Rob: Yeah, we were all waiters and waitresses.

Mary Elizabeth: That’s true. We were all servers at that time.

Charlie: We were all waitstaff within the last few years, so.

Glenn: That’s so funny. I didn’t remember that you had played a waitress at the Olive Garden-

Charlie: Me neither.

Glenn: -in our first thing. [laughs] And then you were the waitress in the coffee shop.

Charlie: So let’s just reveal the waitress’s name right now is-

Rob: Oh my God.

Charlie: -just kidding.

Glenn: Do you guys remember what it is?

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: I-I remember from our--

Glenn: From-from the original home movie.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh.

Glenn: So, in the original home movie.

Rob: Yes, and then we can-- well, you know what we should do, we should say it, and then we can bleep it out. And I do remember what I-- what it was.

Glenn: No, somebody’s gonna mouth read.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: No, you put a- you put a- you put a-a-a black thing over the--

Glenn: How was that?

Charlie: Either way, I reserve the right to change it if we decide.

Glenn: Sure, of course.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: And by the way, we didn’t actually name her that. We just-- we named her that and then took it away and decided that’s not what her name should be.

Glenn: Well, no, it’s not that we decided--

Rob: But it is a homage to where we were at the time.

Megan: Do you know?

Glenn: It’s not that we decided-

Mary Elizabeth: I don’t remember.

Glenn: -that that’s not what her name was.

Mary Elizabeth: I have a guess.

Glenn: Uh, okay. I’ll just I’ll-I’ll-I’ll say it. Wait--

Mary Elizabeth: Should we all say it on the count of three?

Glenn: One, two, three.

Everyone : *BLEEP*

Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, I’ll take first name.

Glenn: What did you say?

Rob: Nice.

Charlie: But, um, if we did reveal that in the episode, the audience would be like, “Huh?”

Rob: Yeah, there’s no--

Charlie: Like, why is that? It’s not baked into the show so.

Glenn: Uh, no, but everybody always wants to know who-- what the waitress’s name is.

Rob: Yes. But it’s so much funnier, of course, that you don’t know. And I remember a similar thing happening in the writer’s room. We realized we needed to name Mac season, whatever it was. And I think-

Glenn: [chuckles] Right.

Rob: -I just said, “Oh, let’s just make him Jimmy Mc-- Jimmy McDonald.” And then I remember you coming into the writer’s room and being like, “what’s his name? Jimmy McDonald.” And I was like, “Yeah, I don’t know. We just got to come up with the name.” And you’re like, “Yeah, but we’ve done it for so long. We haven’t revealed it. It should be a big reveal.” [giggles] And I was like, “I don’t know. I just-- let’s just keep it simple.” [laughs]

And then we started pitching on it, and you were like, “No, it’s-it’s it’s definitely Ronald, Ronald McDonald.

Charlie: That’s because my baseball coach’s name was Ronald McDonald.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Which is great --

Charlie: I knew- I knew Ronald McDonald.

Rob: But that, we would need something equally as profound as that, for the waitress otherwise if we just called her [beep] no one would-- it just wouldn’t have any resonance.


All: Cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that.

Glenn: So guys, what can’t Megan afford this week?

Rob: Well, this week they’re trying to raise her rent and she spent all of her money on the Tesla, of course, so if she can’t scrape together the difference she’ll be forced to live in it.

Glenn: Hmm.

Charlie: Can you live in a Tesla?

Rob: Well, let’s make sure Meg doesn’t find out with the help of our friends at Athletic Greens.

Glenn: Athletic Greens makes one of our favorite green powders on the market, AG1.

Rob: I use it because it contains less than a gram of sugar. This contains no GMOs, no nasty chemicals, or artificial anything and it fits any diet that I may be on.

Glenn: Tasty, makes you feel good, stimulates, and also weirdly helps you sleep at night.

Charlie: That’s got 75 high-quality vitamins, minerals, whole foods, source superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens.

Glenn: It’s also good for muscle recovery.

Rob: Yes, so to make it easy Athletic Greens is going to give you a free, one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com/sunny.

Charlie: And again that’s athleticgreens.com/sunny to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


Rob: If you got hair and you got bush, you better start using the following products from Manscaped. Whether you’re looking to go bald like an eagle or just in need of a safe trim. Manscaped is dedicated to help you level up your full body grooming game. I personally recommend the lawnmower 4.0 package. It’s an electric trimmer designed to reduce grooming accidents and shave hair on loose skin thanks to a ceramic blade and advanced skin safe technology. When you trim the hedges, the tree stands taller. That means your dick looks bigger.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: What are you gonna tell me next? You’re gonna say that they’ve got some sort of a nut sack freshener and aftershave coolant? Is that, uh--

Rob: That’s exactly what we’re gonna tell you next. Instantly add some pep in your step with the crop preserver, bald deodorant and the crop reviver spray on testy toner.

Charlie: That’s a lot of goodies for the boys as they say.

Rob: The full monty.

Glen: They have a bunch of other products on their website too so go check them out, get 20% plus free shipping with our code SUNNY, that’s S-U-N-N-Y @manscaped.com.

Charlie: Again, that’s 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use our code SUNNY.

Rob: Yeah, don’t be a fool and purchase Manscaped’s ultimate bush-whacking tools.


Charlie: Should we go to our clip?

Megan: Yeah, let’s do the clips.

Glenn: Yeah, let’s watch some clips.

Megan: Mary Elizabeth, I got to say when I was looking at this I love that you go through quite a hairstyle transformation over the course of this show.

Mary Elizabeth: I do.

Megan: Always good but interesting every time, it sort of reminds me of, uh, Mariska Hargitay in, uh, Law & Order SVU. You can kind of like demarcate the seasons with her hairstyle.

Waitress: What do you want Charlie?

Charlie: Well, maybe now that you know that I’m not racist, you and I could maybe go on a little--

Waitress: Dude, N-O. How many times do I have to say it to you?

Charlie: One time is fine.

Waitress: Well, apparently one time is not fine.


Charlie: Well, one time per time that I ask you. That’s all--

Janell 1: Hey, what’s going on up here?

Waitress: Oh, not too much. Charlie is using you to prove that he’s not racist and then he asked me out on a date.

Rob: Wow.

Charlie: Well, man.

Megan: That’s from the first episode.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Megan: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: We--

Rob: It’s problematic right out the gate.

Glenn: Sorry?


Rob: I mean, just not fucking around. Just pro-- he’s problematic right out the gate.

Charlie: Nah.

Mary Elizabeth: That’s good. That’s the point of the show, right? You play- you play the-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Mary Elizabeth: -assholes, you play the asshole, we all play the assholes.

Rob: Totally.

Charlie: Let me ask you, did you have a little cold when we shot that scene?

Mary Elizabeth: I feel like it is-

Glenn: Yes, almost stuffy.

Mary Elizabeth: -I was like, “I wanna start talking like that again.”


Mary Elizabeth : “Is it inside my nose a little bit? I think that’s the best I could do, yeah. Dude, N-O.”


Charlie: That was a coffee shop where we shot the original home movie pilot.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Which that scene I think, not the home movie scene but the, um, when we first got a budget from FX. That scene is in the episode where, I’m, I’ve like red sweater and I’m watching you. It’s from Charlie has Cancer. Well, that’s exciting.

Mary Elizabeth: I don’t–


Glenn: Oh well, no, it is I’m just trying to remember.

Mary Elizabeth: I’m like not really following what you are saying right now.

Rob: I wasn’t saying what you’re–uh, yeah, I didn’t follow what you were saying.

Charlie: Oh, yeah.

Glenn: You’re saying, you’re saying--

Charlie: I’m just not realizing I was talking out loud and not thinking.


Glenn: No, no what you’re saying is there was-there was footage, ‘cause the original pilot that we shot was Charlie has Cancer.

Charlie: Yes.

Glenn: It was not, um, The Gang Gets Racist, and so there is footage from the original FX pilot that we shot that we then ended up re-shooting a bunch of but there’s stuff from the original-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -2004 one that we shot in, uh, Charlie has Cancer.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: That’s-that’s what you’re talking about.

Charlie: So that would be the first scene that we shot for the show, not necessarily that one.

Glenn: Right. Mhm.

Charlie: But the, uh, the first coffee shop.

Rob: But it was the first one that aired with-

Charlie: That was the first one that aired.

Glenn: -with-- uh, with the waitress character. And all of her hair.

Mary Elizabeth: And did we go on a date in this one? Is that the one that we-we then shot the date in Philly?

Charlie: No, that’s the --

Rob: No.

Mary Elizabeth: The like montage date?

Glenn: No, that was in Charlie has Cancer.

Mary Elizabeth: Okay.

Glenn: So that was the-- it’s-- I get it mixed up too.

Charlie: That was in the pilot.

Glenn: Because that was the original pilot, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: We used to shoot in Philly.

Charlie: And we used to drink a lot of Yuengling.

Rob: A lot of Yuengling.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, so much of all of the things.

Glenn: Oh yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: There was a lot of drinking happening.

Mary Elizabeth: And there was a- there was a beluga. I remember there was a beluga in the, uh-

Charlie: Schuylkill?

Mary Elizabeth: -in the Schuylkill. There was a beluga in the Schuylkill.

Rob: A belu-- a beluga?

Glenn: What the fuck are you talking about?

Charlie: A beluga whale swimming away on the Schuylkill got trapped in there.

Glenn: What?

Mary Elizabeth: When we were first shooting in the pilot there was a beluga whale shooting in the Schuylkill and just the Philly accent.


Charlie: “There’s a beluga in the schuylkill.”

Glenn: “A beluga, they’re calling it a beluga.”

Mary Elizabeth: “Schuylkill.”


Rob: “Beluga.”

Mary Elizabeth: “Beluga in the Schuylkill.”

Charlie: “Hey there, Charlie.”

Rob: “Oh a beluga, it’s a beluga.”

Mary Elizabeth: And I’d never heard that accent and I just couldn’t stop watching the news. I was so excited.

Glenn: How did a fucking beluga whale get in the Schuylkill river?

Rob: Swam.


Charlie: Uh, probably released from someone’s evil lair. You know what I mean? Like, “This beluga is not doing what we needed to do, uh, dump it in the Schuylkill.”

Glenn: “Just dump it in the Schuylkill.”

Charlie: “I told you get a shark, you know. Can’t do shit with a beluga.”

Glenn: “I don’t know from sharks and whales. I-- what do you–what am I an aquatarian?”

Charlie: “Sharks with the teeth. Whales with their big lumpy muscles.”


Meg: All right.

Waitress: What do you want Charlie?

Charlie: I like your bracelet.

Waitress: Great.

Charlie: That’s one of those, uh, Lance Armstrong Race for the Cure, live strong kind of things.

Waitress: Yeah.

Charlie: Cool.


Charlie: This is the scene.

Glenn: This is one of the first things that we shot.

Charlie: You must be a very compassionate person.

Waitress: I’m not.


Glenn: [laughs] Just straight up.

Rob: I’m not.

Waitress: Did you want something from me or?

Rob: I’m not.

Glenn: Admitting it.

Glenn: I’m not.

Rob: I’m not

Glenn: Alright.

Waitress: Hey, Dennis.

Dennis: Charlie has cancer.


Waitress: Really? That’s so sad.

Glenn: No preamble.

Waitress: Are you okay?


Mary Elizabeth: Just so long into the eyes. So like, figuring out–

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: But also like looking- like looking at all of it-

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Glenn: -and then back up and I guess--

Rob: This is so much better to me as a-- as an introduction to your character because it’s not-- you’re not just playing the foil to Charlie’s like craziness.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: You’re actually a real piece of shit.

Glenn: You’re a piece of shit too, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Me?

Rob: Oh, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, yeah.

Rob: The Waitress, if she loves-- ‘cause in the other episode, it’s -- she sort of seems like the rational one and Charlie seems like the moron. In this, if you’re attracted to Dennis, there’s something very wrong with you. You’re-you’re a real piece of shit.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh no, he was the golden god, we went to high school together, you know.

Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: I’m just chasing that golden god tail.

Rob: Yeah and we had that all written out in the cannon and we knew exactly--

Glenn: Oh, we had it all planned out.

Mary Elizabeth: We totally knew what was happening.

Charlie: It was all planned out. Uh, had-- they went heavy on the eye makeup in that- in that.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, well, we were doing like the ‘90s like-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Mary Elizabeth: -um, I don’t know, Janeane Garofalo. Like, she’s like-like--

Glenn: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Like, uh, like cranky like-

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Mary Elizabeth: -yeah kind of thing.

Glenn: Right, right, right.

Rob: I was thinking-- I’m thinking more Shirley MacLaine from like ‘60s.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh.

Charlie: Well, that’s-- You get that Shirley MacLaine-

Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: That Shirley MacLaine haircut.

Charlie: -look and then I miss the brown hair.

Rob: For sure.

Mary Elizabeth: I know.

Glenn: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Well, uh, I’m-I’m-I’m getting my hair done tomorrow you guys.

Rob: Make it brown.

All: Make it brown.

Mary Elizabeth: Make it brown, make it brown, make it brown, good job.

Rob: Good work.

Charlie: I found that now when--

Megan: You have to do it ‘cause men told you to do it now.

Mary Elizabeth: That’s true.

Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s the rule. That’s the rule. That’s the rule. That’s the rule.

Glenn: Make it brown.

Mary Elizabeth: Okay, I will.

Charlie: I found that--

Glenn: Or I’ll fucking take it to the Supreme Court.

Charlie: Yeah.


Mary Elizabeth: Done and done, brown hair.

Charlie: And then you’ll get your way for sure.

Mary Elizabeth: And then you’ll have brown hair.

Glenn: Then you’ll- you’ll-- then you’ll have brown hair for goddamn sure.

Mary Elizabeth: You’ll have all the brown hair.

Charlie: Yeah, that’s right.

Mary Elizabeth: I’m speaking of crazy women. I do have to say that it is always a delight to see where my character is going. [laughs] At the beginning of every season I’m like, “Okay, so what are we doing? We’re doing sober, we’re doing on the wagon, we’re doing off the wagon.”

Rob: Right.

Charlie: Mm-hmm. Mh-mm.

Mary Elizabeth: And I appreciate that.

Charlie: We untethered you more as the seasons went on with the-- uh, with the wagon thing.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m shitting on a purse at some point.



Glenn: Ah, yes!

Charlie: I, I will say but when we go brown with your hair, I don’t think, so when Mary Elizabeth and I go like to the airport or out to the restaurant--

Mary Elizabeth: When we go brown with my hair?

Megan: [laughs]

Charlie: When we go brown with your hair for the show.


Rob: When we -- [laughs]

Megan: [laughs] For the show.

Charlie: We go brown with your hair.


Megan: Like when we’re-we’re pregnant.

Rob: When we sit down and we --

Charlie: When we sit down and we- and we make it brown.

Mary Elizabeth: When we discuss where we’re going with my look for the year. [chuckles]

Charlie: Well, the one who gets recognized when we walk around is you.

Mary Elizabeth: But that’s also because I always make eye contact with everyone.

Charlie: Yeah, it’s-- yes ‘cause--

Glenn: When you’re-- you’re wearing your Ray-Ban’s and-and you’ve got a hat on-

Mary Elizabeth: You got your head down. Yeah, and I--

Glenn: -you keep your head down.

Charlie: Yeah, which I would have done before fame as well. You know what I mean, like I’m-- when we first started dating in New York and we’d be walking by strangers, and be like, “Hi, how’s the going? How are you doing?”

Mary Elizabeth: “Hello, hello, hi. Oh my God, hi, hi, hey.”

Rob: “Hi, hi.”

Mary Elizabeth: “Hi. That’s a cute shirt. I like your outfit.” You know, yeah.


Glenn: Oh, yeah, I know it, I know it.

Charlie: “You seem uneasy, are you on drugs?”


Mary Elizabeth: “Can I try some?”

Charlie: Trying to get us mugged, man. Trying to get us mugged.

Mary Elizabeth: I do remember you being like, yours-- you’re gonna get stubbed, someone's gonna stab you. Yeah.

Charlie: “This is New York City, what are you doing?”


Glenn: “I'm being nice. Yeah, but it's suspicious.”

Charlie: So--

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah [laughs]

Charlie: When we go brown with your hair when the Supreme Court decides that, uh, your hair must be brown.

Glenn: Yeah.


Charlie: Um, [laughs] uh, I don't think you'll get stopped as much.

Mary Elizabeth: Let's see.

Charlie: We'll see.

Mary Elizabeth: Okay, next-next. I don't wanna talk about this anymore.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah all right yeah. Moving on. Moving on.

Mac: Bam.

The Waitress: Bam? What's that?

Mac: $200.

The Waitress: Why?

Mac: Well, Dennis was thinking that that might help convince you to sleep with our friend, Charlie.

The Waitress: Gross, $250.

Mac: Deal.


Rob: Oh wow yeah, sounds good though.

Charlie: Oh, man yeah.

Rob: That's great, that's good.


Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Megan: That's fun.

Rob: You're just a piece of shit.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Megan: I do remember, this is the first episode that I remember watching like that I-- that-- as an iconic for me, for the Waitress, because for exactly that reason, because I-because I was like, oh good she gets to do-

Charlie: Yeah.

Megan: Liker bad stuff. Which is good.

Mary Elizabeth: She’s still a piece of shit.

Megan: But she's good yeah.

Rob: She is just as bad.

Megan: But I also like you rejecting Charlie in every episode, which I think is everybody's favorite part.

Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: The most fun. It's everyone's favorite part yeah.

Charlie: That's fine.

Mary Elizabeth: And it is also crazy that we are all in our own clothes all the time.

Rob: Oh yeah.

Glenn: Oh god!

Mary Elizabeth: I own every single one of those, those were my clothes all the time.

Charlie: Yeah, in the beginning it's-- but not that-that hat, I don't think that was your hat. I think somehow we were like “Let’s go to the wardrobe truck and–”

Glenn: Well we wanted you to wear Philly's hat I don't remember why-

Rob: That's what it was-

Glenn: -I mean if you can't-- you couldn't show the logo-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -so you turned around backwards.

Charlie: Yep.

Megan: Oh.

Glenn: But what was the-- wh-why didn't we wanna have you in a-

Rob: I don't know,

Glenn: -Philly's hat? I don't-- was there like a reason?

Rob: To make me feel, I don't know, real?

Mary Elizabeth: Philly. -

Dennis: But wait, wait, wait. Don't-don't go, I-I wanna go inside--

The Waitress: No, I'm not gonna ask you inside, Dennis.

Dennis: Why not?-

The Waitress: Because I really like you.

Dennis: Well, I mean–


Dennis: I really like you too.

The Waitress: Then let's just take it slow, okay?

Rob: Now, this is Phil-- this is the city of Philadelphia this is--

Charlie: Oh, this scene is great.

Glenn: Is this Todd Biermann's place?

Rob: This is Todd Biermann's house yep.

Mary Elizabeth: Crazy.

Dennis: Oh, well, wait, uh, I love you.

Glenn: Look at your face, look at your face.

Rob: Oh, it’s so desperate.

Mary Elizabeth: I just won a pageant [laughs]

Glenn: Lit up.

Rob: Oh, so desperate.

Glenn: Lit up, so desperate.

Mary Elizabeth: I like that you felt bad about saying it, at least.

Glenn: No, I didn't no, no, no, I just was trying to get the words out.

Mary Elizabeth: No, but you measured it, oh okay.

Glenn: I was just trying to get the words out. I was like, how do I get these words out and tr-- come across as sincere?


Rob: Mm-hmm-mm-hmm.

Glenn: That's-that's what it was--

Mary Elizabeth: So you didn't feel bad about it at all?

Glenn: No, no, no, no, not at all. I just-

Mary Elizabeth: Whatever it takes.

Glenn: -I was worried that if-that if I didn't commit enough to it, that I wouldn't get away-- I was also checking in with you, I'm I getting away with this?


Mary Elizabeth: And the answer was yeah.

Megan: The answer was–

Glenn: The answer was a resounding yes.

The Waitress: I kinda of don't know what to say.

Dennis: I kinda don't want you to say anything.

Rob: You're so--

Glenn: Ooh, so close--

Dennis: Yo.

Charlie: I'm ready to talk. -

Dennis: Cutting it pretty close there pal. I almost sealed the deal.

Charlie: Just meet me at Paddy's and we'll work it all out.

Glenn: “Smimi.” The missed, the phone missed.

The Waitress: Well, let's go.

Dennis: No, uh, you're right.


Dennis: I-I shou-- I'm gonna go.


Dennis: Yeah, I'm gonna go now, we should take it slow, you were right.

Glenn: Why would I not wanna go home with this woman? - That's–It's crazy, it makes no sense.

Rob: Because, be–yes.

Charlie: Well, you have an agenda, you have a--

Glenn: I know, but she's--

Rob: Because she likes you and you hate yourself.

Glenn: I can have it both ways, I coulda had it both ways.

Charlie: Well, no but you realize that it would be--

Megan: That's the psychology.

Rob: That's the psychology of it.

Charlie: There would be a lot of trouble to deal with-with Charlie, you're trying to get a thing from Charlie, you don't care about that as much as you care about getting the thing, which is not doing the Charlie work.

Glenn: But I feel like I cou-- yeah, alright.

Rob: Look at Danny.

The Waitress: I had sex with your dad.


The Waitress: That's right, I had sex with your father because just like you, I like my sex old and ugly, and with fake hair on their heads that falls off when you're having sex with them, it just falls off, because that's what you do, Dennis Reynolds, you like to have sex with old people.


Rob: And that's the end of the episode right?

Megan: Yeah, and that's the end of the episode.

Charlie: So tell us about, that was your-- that was the first scene you ever shot with Danny?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Glenn: That scene right there?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, yeah, and um,--

Glenn: And we asked you to improvise a lot of that, right? Cause not a lot of that was written. I think-I think we put you in sort of a bad position to-

Charlie: To go off.

Glenn: -just kind of just go off, which-which is--

Mary Elizabeth: Hard.

Glenn: It is.-

Mary Elizabeth: As an actor.

Glenn: It's awkward.

Mary Elizabeth: But uh, thank God I'm a genius.

Glenn: Yeah, good right-

Charlie: Thank God-thank God you pulled it off.

Glenn: -if you hadn't been a genius, you wouldn't have pulled it off. -

Mary Elizabeth: Oh my-- yeah, there was also-- did we come in through a door? I feel like we were just behind like a black curtain like--


Charlie: There was no, like, psych or whatever-

Rob: No, we didn't have a backdrop or anything.

Charlie: -it's called that we drop-- you know like so it was just like--

Rob: No money, no money.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah. 'Cause you see a weird piece of a wall that doesn't exist out there, it's really weird.

Mary Elizabeth: I really feel like we were behind like a stage curtain or something. And I had only-- I feel like I hadn't met Danny all that many times before we started shooting season two right?

Rob: Mhm-hm. No.

Glenn: Probably, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: So I feel like I was like,'' Hey, how's it going?'' You know? And he is like, "[grumbles]" to me, and I'm like, "What is happening?"

Glenn: He was in cha-- he's being in character?

Mary Elizabeth: He was getting into character

Rob: Yeah. Being in character.

Glenn: Now he was--

Mary Elizabeth: But I was like, oh, but it helped.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Right, right, right.

Charlie: Well, Danny had this thing--

Mary Elizabeth: Just like what? I'm disconcerted, I don't know what's going on right now.

Glenn: You were uncomfortable.

Charlie: Danny has a thing where right before the camera rolls, he'll usually-

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -it may-- like a improv line or two in-

Mary Elizabeth: Make some sounds.

Charlie: -yeah, make like, if he's being lascivious-

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: -he like gets into that or if he's being angry, he might be moody about something. But like---

Glenn: Yeah, he goes-he goes-he goes that way sometimes, like,  you know--

Charlie: It's not like a method thing, but just a little like just a little warm-up, so you don't just go in, ice cold.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, ramps you into the scene.

Glenn: Yeah, but as you said-

Mary Elizabeth: But if you don't him--

Glenn: - as you said, no, but that was-that was also helpful for you because you really genuinely look disturbed.


Mary Elizabeth: “What is happening right now?”

Glenn: Coming into that scene.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah so that [laughs] that's great but so-- but-but other than that, had you talked to him or were, were you guys?

Mary Elizabeth: I don't know-

Glenn: Or was he--

Mary Elizabeth: -I don't remember how much we had hung out with him before we shot.

Rob: Not much.

Charlie: No, not much before that first season no.

Glenn: I mean, we really didn't know him that-that well. I mean, we--

Rob: We were still on the clock at this point.

Glenn: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: I-- this early in the shooting of season two, we had what? 15 days to shoot him out, entirely.

Mary Elizabeth: Yes.

Rob: And so we knew we had to just churn through it as quickly as we could. And then he gave us an extra two weeks--

Glenn: Five.

Rob: Five or some five or something like that, but yeah, I think at this point we weren't hanging out. We were just-

Mary Elizabeth: We had like--

Rob: -get-get the guy in and get the guy out.

Mary Elizabeth: Maybe gotten to the upfronts or was that later when he told the box of teeth story?

Rob: That was–


Glenn: The box-the-box of uh, teeth and watches story was told to us at a lunch before we even started.

Rob: later.

Mary Elizabeth: But then, then he told it at the-

Glenn: Oh did he?

Mary Elizabeth: -at the TCAs, I think-

Glenn: Did he?

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: -of like upfront, yeah, the like televi-- television critics.

Glenn: Christ Almighty.

Charlie: Yeah where we-

Mary Elizabeth: Awards or whatever.

Charlie: -we did go to one of those. I remember Ice Cube being there because he-he had this show Black and White, or whatever it was called.

Rob: Oh wow.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh, did he produce that?

Glenn: Oh, the-the, oh the-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -the documentary show that FX did, right.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah and that was before uh, you know, I worked with him, so I was like, ''Wow, that's Ice Cube.'' But like um, and then Danny gets up and-and, of course, Danny and Ice Cube talk to each other in that way that cel-celebrities do, you know where they're like, hey, you're famous, you're famous, let's do a quick like--

Mary Elizabeth: Check-in.

Charlie: But we weren't famous right? So we were just like, oh, the fam-the famous people are aligning--

Glenn: Look at ‘em, look at ‘em. Look at them go.

Mary Elizabeth: A Constellation?

Charlie: You can just do that.

Glenn: You can just do that, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: A constellation of fame.

Charlie: I still don't-- I don't feel like I can do that, do you feel like you can do that?

Glenn: Yes.

Rob: Yeah depends on--


Charlie: It depends on the level of fame right?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah it depends on who it is, I guess.

Charlie: Yeah, it depends on who it is.

Glenn: Yeah, it-it depends on who it is but I-- at this point-

Charlie: It’s a tier.

Glenn: -I-I do find that-that uh, ev-even people uh, cause you know, it used to be that and-and nobody knew what [laughs] what the show was, and then there would be the occasional people that had seen the show and liked it and knew what it was. And now there's a lot of people that have seen it, still quite a few who haven't, but they still know who we are.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: You know what I mean? At least they-- it's been on for so long, they couldn't get away from it, they couldn't avoid it. They tried.

Mary Elizabeth: They love Mountain Dew.

Glenn: They love Mountain Dew.

Charlie: Is there--

Rob: They're just massive Mountain Dew fans.

Charlie: I got my Mountain Dew fans. There's certainly a, uh-a cutoff with age, right? Like um, like still, like 50 and over might know the show, might not know the show–

Mary Elizabeth: Artemis and I got assaulted in a bar on Sunday, um, being together, by two parents whose kids loved the show and were like, so excited to take a photograph with us-

Glenn: Mm.

Mary Elizabeth: -and it was so overwhelming because that doesn't happen in LA, normally.

Glenn: That was-- so this was in LA?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Glenn: Oh.

Mary Elizabeth: Normally in LA, people, when they get that excited, and then you think it's about you, they're like, "Can you take my photo with Brad Pitt?" Who's standing behind you?


Mary Elizabeth: “Yeah, you're a person here to hold the camera to take my photo with Brad Pitt, so.”

Glenn: But it's gotta be-it's gotta be even more intense when you and Artemis are together.

Mary Elizabeth: I think they were--

Glenn: I find it's always more intense when I'm with one of the other-

Rob: Yes.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: -when I'm with these guys or one of these guys, or, you know, Caitlin or Dan, anybody, you know.

Mary Elizabeth: I talked to you guys when I was in New York, it was my birthday, we went out, Artemis took us to this Irish bar that was open to like, three or four in the morning or something like that.

Charlie: Uh-huh.

Mary Elizabeth: We walk in, it's like uh, you know, COVID still happening, we walk in, it's almost empty. So exciting to be in like a place that's almost empty in New York, you know?

Glenn: Right.

Mary Elizabeth: And we're like, oh, we have the run over the place, there's just three people there, two women and a guy, and the blonde woman's like kind of swaying and then like, she makes eye contact with me and I'm like, ''Oh shit.''

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Like not-not that she recognized me, but just that she was like, "I need to talk to her," you know?


Mary Elizabeth: So everyone's like--

Rob: “I see somebody I–”

Mary Elizabeth: You know she's like--

Glenn: Just lo-looking at your forehead, you know, it's like drunk people always like look at you-- they look--

Charlie: I think they look through you.

Mary Elizabeth: They look through you.

Charlie: I think that's a trick to do. Like if you just look through somebody.

Glenn: [laughs] yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: And I feel like women to women drunk, often, they need to tell you a secret, but into your mouth.


Mary Elizabeth: "I need to tell you," and then you're like, "That's-- I don't hear that way. So if you--"

Glenn: It's the best way to tell you is to get it in your mouth.

Mary Elizabeth: It's a secret-- I put my secret in your mouth you--

Glenn: Then you'll have my secret in your mouth.

Rob: You can eat it and you can feel it-- then you can eat it and feel my pain.

Glenn: You can eat it and feel my pain.

Mary Elizabeth: So you pass it onto your friend's mouth. Then she was like, wait, wait, but am I in Philadelphia now?


Charlie: Oh yeah, yeah

Glenn: Oh my God. -

Rob: Oh.

Mary Elizabeth: No, you're not-

Rob: You might be.

Mary Elizabeth: -you're still in New York City.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: But–


Glenn: Yeah, so.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah. That was amazing

Charlie: She was very confused and wanted to know where Danny was.


Charlie: Um, speaking of like taking pictures of celebrities, I remember going to the Boom Boom Room with Danny and we were all there in New York City like after we were doing a press tour, we-- and he's like, "Let's go at it at Boom Boom Room."

Glenn: Yeah, I remember that too. What is the Boom Boom Room, though? What was that? Is that the karaoke place?

Charlie: I dunno, it was just something Danny knew.

Mary Elizabeth: Somewhere off Time Square where we had been doing--

Glenn: It doesn't sound–

Charlie: No, its some kind of club,

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: And of cos Danny's getting swarmed, and I remember some like club girl being like, "Take a picture of me and him. Take a picture." And she like, you know, shoves her camera into my hand, and then she's like talking to Danny and she's not really paying attention, so I just kind of walk over to the other side of the bar and just hang out, like have a drink, you know. And she's like freaking out some guy stole her camera.


Charlie: And then I like, I come back and I give it, and she's like, "Where did you go?" I was like, "How far back did you want me to take the photo?" She said, "Give that to me.”

Glenn: “Give it back to me.”

Mary Elizabeth: It was also, it just was a camera, right? Like it wasn't a cellphone?

Charlie: Oh yeah, it was a camera, it was not a cell phone, but yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: That's amazing.

Charlie: I used to like to toy with people.

Glenn: That's funny.

Charlie: The drunker I got, you know?

Glenn: Yeah. It's hard- it's hard to go into an Irish pub these days. It's, uh, it's just, there's no higher concentration of Sunny fans than- than in an Irish bar.

Charlie: Yeah, sure.

Glenn: The last time I think I was-- God, I mean, one of the last times I was even in one was with the whole cast. And we, just for fun, we were like, "Let's just see what happens if we go out to an Irish bar in New York City." We were there for like some upfront event or something like that, and it was a shit show.


Mary Elizabeth: Asking for it.

Glenn: It was a shit show. Yeah, just asking for it.

Charlie: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: But you know what? Speaking of Danny and getting to know Danny and fame and-- I-I always feel like when people are like, “how”-- if someone who's not an actor in the industry sees people being super excited about seeing me and wanting to take a photo with me, I-- and then they're like, "How is that?" Like, "What's that like?" I feel like Danny early on was really great at teaching us to be grateful for that, because those fans are the people who let us do our jobs. Like having a fan is how you get to keep working. And it always so-- so, it's nice to go into it with that like-- I really appreciate it.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Well, I still- I still really appreciate it because I-I feel like it's not because I'm famous, uh, it's because they love the show, which feels good. Like, that feels good. It's like, if someone's excited to meet me, it's because they like my work, it's not because I'm famous. ‘Cause there is a distinction.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah. It's not because they see you in the tabloids at the grocery store-

Glenn: Right.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Charlie: - you know, they-they genuinely love the show. But, Danny, you know what, 'cause we always started to say that, like, he was such a good example of how to be gracious with the fans. But he also had this other side, right?

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Where if someone was like crossing it or if he didn't wanna deal with it, he'd shut it the fuck down.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: And I like that too. Like, it was a good lesson of like, "Hey, be gracious to everyone, but also-

Glenn: Have boundaries.

Rob: Mind your boundaries.

Mary Elizabeth: Protect yourself.

Charlie: -Yeah, have boundaries and protect yourself, yeah. Anyways, lots of good Danny lessons in the beginning. And so–

Megan: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not so much now.


Mary Elizabeth: Now we're teaching him.

Glenn: Yes, yes, yes.

Charlie: Yes.

Megan: All right, so we're here for our Primal Kitchen sandwich making competition where you guys are gonna make me a sandwich using these amazing sauces and Mayo's from Primal Kitchen. And there are meats and cheeses and everything. I like everything out here. And I'm gonna step out because they said they want me to judge this blind, 'cause they think that I have favorites, which I don't. But I'm gonna step away, and you guys make me whatever sandwich you would like. And then, uh, and then I'll come back and try them.


Rob: Now the question that we have to ask ourselves is, what kind of sauce does Meg like best?

Glenn: Well, you know, you would know better than us. I got some of this Primal Kitchen, just regular mayo, you know what I mean?

Charlie: I got some of that Primal Kitchen mayo as well.

Rob: Well, what I'm going for is variety.

Glenn: Something a little dangerous here.

Rob: I want each bite to be a little bit different. Half the sandwich with this Pesto mayo.

Glenn: Okay, mm-hmm.

Rob: And I might add a little bit of ranch.

Glenn: I wish I had a better knife to cut this with but Primal Kitchen doesn't make knives. I botched it.

Charlie: All right, I'd like to, uh, call Megan in before mine gets soggy.

Rob: I really, really, really want her to like my sandwich better.

Glenn: So do I. Yeah. I feel like the stakes are pretty high here for me.

Megan: They look good. One of you has chosen to cut it, the other two told me to go fuck myself.

Charlie: Well.

Megan: I actually do love Primal Kitchen stuff, so I'm pretty excited to eat these sandwiches.

Glenn: Yeah, their sources are amazing.

Charlie: We’ll see.

Megan: I'm gonna- I'm gonna start with this one that's closest to me. I like that it's got some avocado. Looks like turkey.

Rob: I'm looking at yours, Glenn, and if I had to choose, I would choose- I would choose yours to eat.

Charlie: I don't know. Looks awfully creamy.

Glenn: Exactly, yes. Not–

Rob: Meg, mine, mine’s engineered. It's two different sandwiches in one sandwich.

Charlie: Oh, this one's sort of falling apart. But she likes that side. Well, you're going in for a second bite of the same side.

Megan: I gotta try the other side.

Charlie: Oh, on the other side of- of the- of the side; a side of the side.

Glenn: Doesn't like the other side.

Megan: And then this one.

Glenn: Yeah.

Megan: Good angle.

Glenn: Potato chips in there. Now, if that cuts the roof of your mouth, that should affect his score.

Rob: I was gonna say, it might cut the roof of your mouth. That's what we have going for us.

Megan: For me, it's between this sandwich and this half of this sandwich. So I'm trying to decide whether or not this other half of the sandwich-

Charlie: Oh.

Rob: I think–oh, we’ll, we’ll deduct. Take another bite.

Glenn: I think you should take another bite.

Megan: Of this one?

Glenn: No, of the two- of the two.

Charlie: You don't deserve another bite of that one.

Rob: This one.

Megan: Tell me what's on them.

Rob: Try this. Try this bite.

Megan: I like how much you're touching it. That's nice.

Rob: Well, I made it with these same hands. Real quick.

Megan: Okay, so what's in this? Oh, God damn.

Glenn: Oh for fucks sake. Dude, you this-- dock his score.

Megan: I think Glenn wins.

Charlie: Whoa. Wow.

Megan: Glenn's sandwich wins, because [clears throat] there's so much mayo on it. And I really like that.

Glenn: I took a risk with that. I took a risk.

Rob: That is a massive–

Glenn: That's a risky move.

Rob: I did a- I did a Primal Kitchen m- reg- just regular Mayo made with avocado oil. And then I used the uh, the chipo- just a, a little touch of the chipotle lime mayo.

Megan: I could taste that. That was great. Thank you all for making me, uh, lunch. I'm probably gonna eat the rest of these when we're done now, cause they're so good.

Rob: I'm looking at Glenn's, it's clearly the winner.

Megan: It's very good.

Rob: It's a- it's a good looking sandwich.

[upbeat music plays]

Charlie: Feast your eyes on this.

The Waitress: Oh, my God. Charlie, where did you get a baby? So you can just give me the baby and stop screaming.

Charlie: You know there was a time where I was–

Glenn: Oh so you're not a total piece of shit.

Mary Elizabeth: Like babies, kind to babies.

Glenn: You're concerned.

Charlie: No, because you ruined it. And you threw your swords away. You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats. And you know what? I found them and I'm gonna raise all of 'em.

Glenn: And tasty treats.

Charlie: Tasty treats.

The Waitress: Give me the number for child services.

Rob: Yes. So she's a–there is a moral barometer, it just depends on who we need to be the–

Glenn: There is a point–

Charlie: It's your needs and wants.

Glenn Yeah.

Charlie: Right. So the whole thing is like, if you really need or want something.

Mary Elizabeth: She draws the lines of ba-- at babies.

Glenn: I think I get from that, though, that she is genuinely concerned for the- for the well-being of that baby.

Charlie: As she should be, a man covered in filth-

Glenn: That's right. Yes.

Charlie: -has strapped this baby to his chest.

Mary Elizabeth: I do also remember us questioning in that, that I was like, so I just tell the guy that works with me to get me the number for child services [laughter] So I still am kind of a piece of shit. I'm like, "I'm not gonna do it. Find me the number for child support."

Charlie: Well, you're that- you're that kid's manager. You’re the manager.

Mary Elizabeth: I'm manager.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah, right.

Charlie: You're not gonna flip through the phonebook yourself.

Megan: Right. Here's a scene with you and Caitlin.

Glenn: Oh I love this scene.

The Waitress: Dee? Hey. Hi.

Charlie: This one's great.

The Waitress: Are you applying for a job here?

Dee: Here?

The Waitress: Yeah.

Dee: What, are you, crazy? Gross. No, I'd never work here.

The Waitress: I'm working here.


The Waitress: I'm working here, so.

Dee: Do you think that you could get me a job.

The Waitress: Here?

Dee: Yeah.

The Waitress: I thought you weren't applying.

Dee: No, that was a lie.


The Waitress: Oh, okay. Did you go to high school or?

Glenn: Uh, oh

Rob: Oh, yeah. So–

Charlie:  That's where goofed up.

Rob: That's where we-- That's where we-- we picked up on that.

Glenn: That’s the goof up.

Mary Elizabeth: Well, I don't know that we goofed up, we just hadn't written past this episode.

Rob: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: No, no, we goofed up later.

Rob: Later.

Charlie: So you made-- you did that improve, and then later we established that you sat next to her, and that she didn't remember-- but we'd forgotten the improv when we wrote that.

The Waitress: You shouldn't be drinking in a shoe store.

Dee: What is the matter with you? I told you to pace yourself.

The Waitress: I have a drinking problem.

Dee: Well, then you should know how to hold your booze a little better.

The Waitress: I'll hold your boobs a little better.


Charlie: Ah, you and Kaitlin together is such a good dynamic.

Rob: It so good

Mary Elizabeth: It is. It's always like-it's always like a thing I have to, like sage myself after, though, and be like, "Kaitlin does like me."

Charlie: Yeah. yeah.

Glenn: Oh, yeah, yeah. Right.

Dee: Wow, you have a bad attitude when you're drinking.

The Waitress: You have a bad attitude when you're drinking, you huge footed slut.


Charlie: I don't remember that line.

Mary Elizabeth: Really?

Everybody: Yeah. "You huge footed slut."

Megan: So funny.

Charlie: I love that. That's what our Sex and the City turns into.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: That's so good.

Mary Elizabeth: The makeup was fun for that, too, 'cause we put lipstick all around the bottle, so it just was making, like, bottle marks around my mouth.


Glenn: What is it? How do you do the-- 'cause you're drunk-acting is just phenomenal. It's phenomenal.

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you, I've had a lot of practice.

Glenn: And I don't know how you-- How do you-- I know. Is that it, though, Or are you literally just drawing from like what- what you, 'cause like I feel like-- I don't know. It's- it's just, I find drunk-acting to be extremely difficult, and it seems to go so naturally for you.

Mary Elizabeth: You guys have all talked about this, but I feel like all of our drunk acting is good. But I remember- I remember being like, in college them being like, "When you're drunk, you are trying very hard not-

Glenn: To sound drunk.

Charlie: To sound drunk.

Glenn: Right?

Mary Elizabeth: - to sound drunk. So you think about what you're gonna say a lot before you say it and over annun-annunciate.


Megan: It's very good.

Rob: Pretty goddamn good.

Glenn: Yeah, I know. I remember that trick too, but for some reason I don't feel like it-- I can't just-- can't just pull it off as well as you can. I don't know.

Mary Elizabeth: I feel like your drunk-acting is very good.

Glenn: Well, thank you. I appreciate it.

Charlie: [vocalizing] I was that little boy-

Charlie: So stupid.

Charlie: -that little baby boy was me. I once was a boy, but now I am a man. I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman. Now I'm here to ask for your hand. So if you want to marry man–

Charlie: Why does he think this will work?

Charlie: Will you marry me?

Glenn: That lyric, "if you want to marry, man".

Charlie: Won't you come on stage and join me in this thing called matrimony? Please say yes and do not bone me. Please, just marry me.

Glenn: Your face.

The Waitress: Is that it?

Glenn: Oh my god.

Megan: I have to say, that moment where you opened up the program in the middle of his song to be like, is this the last one?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. “Is there another”

Mary Elizabeth: “When will this be over?”

Charlie: “This one is not listed.”

Glenn: Yeah, “the song is not listed. I thought we had finished,” yeah.

Megan: Oh my god, that kills me.

Mary Elizabeth: Every one of those awful plays that you have ever been to.

Glenn: Yes. Where you're like “how many motherfuckin' more songs are there?”

Rob: Yeah. You- not to objectify you for a second, but can you pull that back up? Meg? You look great.

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you.

Rob: It feels like very, very rarely in our television show, do we-

Charlie: Do people look good.

Rob: -look good.

Megan: Yeah. Especially when you stand up and you got a hand on there.

Kaitlin Olson: Find the light.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: You find your light.

Mary Elizabeth: Got that sweet, sweet cleave going on. You know, this is when it's nice. When you've been on television, since you were 25. You can be like, "Oh, remember that part? Remember that time?"

Glenn: "Remember that body?"

Mary Elizabeth: Like how my parents were always like, "Don't-- just don't get naked." And I really wish I had.

Rob: Yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: You know?

Glenn: Right.

Charlie: That would've been the time. Right. That's what you're saying?

Mary Elizabeth: That would’ve been the time. Yeah.

Rob: Still time.

Mary Elizabeth: There's still time. Anyway, let's get naked. That's what I'm saying.

Rob: You know, you just don't want get to a point where it's brave-


Glenn: Right.

Rob: You know what I mean? When it's so brave, when people talk about it. Well, “Mary Elizabeth Ellis-”

Mary Elizabeth: That's what I can't wait for actually.

Rob: “She bared it all and she was, it was, so brave.”

Glenn: Was so brave.

Charlie: So brave.

Glenn: So brave of her. It's amazing.

Megan: This is a big scene in the cannon of the show that we should talk about. We'll play this one next.

Charlie: Come in.

Charlie: Which one is this?

Charlie: Hey, come on in.

Rob: Whoa.

Charlie: That's a different look.

The Waitress: All right Charlie, you got 15 minutes and it's a dollar a minute starting, now.

Mary Elizabeth: That's a different look.

Rob: I don't ever remember your hair looking like that. Ever.

Charlie: Me neither.

Charlie: I see you. You poke around the preschools and, and the playgrounds and you got that longing look in your eye.

The Waitress: Oh that's so creepy.

Rob: I don't know what's--

The Waitress: Excuse me?

Rob: Can you stop it for a second? I have no idea. I've never seen her like this. I don't know what episode this is. I don't know what's about to happen.

Megan: Oh really? This is not even that long ago.

Glenn: This is the episode where uh, he, they actually have sex, I think.

Mary Elizabeth: Coitus.

Glenn: Yeah. But--

Mary Elizabeth: Do you not remember that that happened in the show?

Rob: No. Now I'm remembering it.

Charlie: Yeah. I vaguely remember it.

Rob: And now I'm remembering it, where he-

Megan: You're about to watch.

Rob: He tells her that-- Okay. Yeah.

Charlie: Life with Charlie and a baby.


Charlie: Would look pretty good.

The Waitress: Did you really think that this was gonna work? Did you really think that-

Charlie: Well.

The Waitress: -you would just have me in here and you could just hurl insults at me and

Charlie: I've tried everything for years with you. And I just, at this point.

Glenn: I like how real you play this.

Charlie: I just don't know what else to say.

The Waitress: So why don't you just go find somebody better?

Charlie: 'Cause there is no one better.

Glenn: That's so sweet.

Charlie: I love you.

Mary Elizabeth: And that's how people should propose.

Charlie: That's a really funny concept, though. Like, pining after your character forever.

Glenn: Finally getting it.

Charlie: The reality of a relationship that you've- well, that's a true thing, right? People really want a thing super bad and then they get it and they're like, wait a second. What?

Mary Elizabeth: Also just like looking at lying in that bed made me so grossed out right now.

Glenn: Yeah. That couch. Oof.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah. It's pretty gnarly.

Charlie: If you came to shoot me at least let me finish my drink first.

Glenn: Cat food and whiskey?

The Waitress: I'm not gonna shoot you. What if I missed?

Charlie: Well, then you'd have to say you missed me.

The Waitress: Maybe I did.

Charlie: Maybe I missed you too.

Glenn: Meg, I mean--

The Waitress: You gotta work on your aim.

Charlie: Can I fix you a drink?

The Waitress: No thanks. I'm sober. Plus I saw you put cat food in it.


Glenn: The way you delivered that.

Megan: Also the voice that you're doing. "Plus I saw", however you're doing that voice is amazing.

Glenn: It's so right on.

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you. We were playing with when to keep it. And when to-

Glenn: Yeah and then drop it. That was one of things.

Charlie: Yeah. That's part the fun of the episode.

Megan: Yeah. Here it comes out.

Glenn: All right. 'Cause you drop it.

The Waitress: –Charlie. I saw you sweeping, so bad.


The Waitress: You're so close to me with that.

Charlie: All right I'll put it down. [laughter]

Rob: So good.

Meg: That dress.

Glenn: Okay, so–Top to bottom, top to bottom. I, forgot about, I completely forgot about that episode. It's fantastic.

Megan: Oh.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Your writing in that episode, Meg-

Mary Elizabeth: It was so well written. The most fun.

Glenn: Oh my God. So fucking good. All the performances, Heath Cullen's fucking direction.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah. It’s great.

Charlie: Is awesome.

Glenn: Dude. He fucking nailed it.

Charlie: And Mary Elizabeth, your acting in that is, like, you were born to put something in that genre.

Glenn: Truly, truly, truly.

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you. So fun.

Megan: I know it was so fun to write into a- into an episode that you get like a glamor shot where we like specifically set up for that one moment when he first sees you and you look up and then he's just describing how beautiful you are.

Mary Elizabeth: Aw.

Megan: I was like, I loved writing that. And then the Sabrina, the head of costumes was like, "Thank you for writing something that has costumes." So I'm not just dressing them in the same clothes.

Glenn: Just basically dressing us.

Mary Elizabeth: In our own clothes. Yeah.

Megan: Okay. Well here's the bog stuff that I also really love, from this year. So watch this.

Dee: Waitress?

The Waitress: Oh my God. What the hell are you doing out here?

Dee: What are you doing out here with a toiletry bag? Are you gonna brush your teeth in a stream or something?

The Waitress: No, I was gonna shave my legs.

Dee: Ew, gross.


Megan: Judgy, she's in the bog.

Rob: She's sinking in a bog.

Charlie: She can't help taking a dig at you.

Rob: She can't help it.

Dee: Just gimme a big tug and I bet you could get me out.

The Waitress: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Here, here. I gotcha. Let me just stop my hand. Psych! Psych!

Mary Elizabeth: Two times.

Glenn: Two times.

Rob: This was not scripted. No, no.

Mary Elizabeth: No.

Charlie: The psych was your idea. That was, that was your idea.

Mary Elizabeth: Was it?

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, the psych was your idea.

Mary Elizabeth: And then you were like do it 15 times.

Charlie: And I was like, do it as many times as you can.

Glenn: It's hilarious.

The Waitress: It's fun. All right, here we go. Psych!

Charlie: The third time you're like not like playful about it.

The Waitress: I will. I will. All you have to do is one thing.

Dee: Yes. Great. What?

The Waitress: Say my name.

Dee: Valentine. Diana, Denise, Dennis. Dave.

Charlie: Tries Dennis.

The Waitress: Oh no, no, no. You, you got it a while back. It's just, I'm really enjoying watching you struggle.

Dee: You drunk bitch.

Mary Elizabeth: Oh.

Charlie: Oh she went under, I asked her to go under for one take. I was like, you gotta go under.

The Waitress: I was gonna save you. Unlike you I'm not a psychopath.


Charlie: This was really funny. Crawling over you, climbing over you to get out.

Mary Elizabeth: Using me as a flesh ladder.

Glenn: You're doing it.

The Waitress: Wait! Oh you dirty bitch.

Megan: You dirty bitch.

Glenn: You dirty bitch.


Megan: Oh that's fun.

Glenn: This relationship is, amazing.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: Were you calling her a dirty bitch because she was physically dirty?

Glenn: Yeah. Both

Charlie: Or because she did you dirty?

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah. All of it. What I'm saying, what's happening, what I'm feeling.

Glenn: Yeah Mary Elizabeth Ellis.


Megan: Fantastic. And that was just a selection. There was many many-

Charlie: Just a taste.

Meg: Fantastic.

Glenn: I feel like I had so many more questions to ask you, but so will you, I still have things I wanna talk to you about,will you come back at some point and-

Mary Elizabeth: No, this was it.

Glenn: This was it? Okay. This was the big one.

Mary Elizabeth: I'll do whatever you tell me to do.

Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't ask that's the thing, don't ask.

Megan: She can come back with brown hair and then you ask.

Mary Elizabeth: I gotta come back with my brown hair, show my brown hair off.

Charlie: We've decided it'll be brown.

Glenn: Yes. We've decided, the men have decided that it'll be- it'll be brown for us.

Charlie: Jokes aside, you know. Oh. It's been a pleasure doing, obviously-

Mary Elizabeth: Business?

Charlie: We live together and have been together for many years, but working together is always a joy. Every time you're on set, it's a blast, and uh, I hope we get to do more and more and more of it.

Mary Elizabeth: Thank you.

Glenn: Yeah. I mean, you've been such a huge part of this from the very, very, very, very beginning, which is something I-I at some point I want you to come back and talk about what that was like in the very beginning.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, that sounds fun.

Glenn: Like your memories of, of what it was like in the beginning, but we'll save that for the next one.

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah, I'm so- I'm so grateful for this. And always when people are like, "What's it like to work with your husband? What's it like to work on Sunny?" And it really does feel like um-like family.

Glenn: It does. It does.

Mary Elizabeth: It's just fun and easy and lovely. And we drive each other crazy sometimes. And I miss our family vacations to Philly. I want us to start coming back to Philly again.

Charlie: I know I miss that too. I have a professional question for you.

Mary Elizabeth: Okay.

Charlie: How similar was working with Paul Thomas Anderson to working with us? Is it the same vibe on set?

Mary Elizabeth: Exact, exact same.

Charlie: Is it the same level of genius that you-

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Rob: Guy puts out a movie very four or five years. We put out a-a mini movie-

Glenn: Eight mini movies every year.

Rob: -eight movies every year for the last 20 fucking years.

Charlie: Eight to fifteen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Mary Elizabeth: That's what I'll start saying. I'll start saying, instead of it's like being with family, I'll say it's like, the Paul Thomas Anderson of television.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Yes. You will

Charlie: Yeah,

Mary Elizabeth: Yeah.

Glenn: That's right. I like that.

Mary Elizabeth: They're the PTAs of TV PTA TVs.

Glenn: I'm gonna- I'm just gonna do this.


Megan: Yay. Thanks Mary Elizabeth.

Mary Elizabeth: Thanks for having me.

[End Credits]


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