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Episode #51

Who's More Healthier? Part 2

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51. Who's More Healthier? Part 2

On the pod, the guys analyze the results of their blood work with the help of special guest, Dr. Kipper, to determine once and for all, who's more healthier.

Rob McElhenney: I think we should give him shit for not being here at 12:45.

Megan Ganz: He'll be here.

Charlie Day: He's here.

Glenn Howerton: He's here.

Rob: I-I know, but he's on a call. It doesn't matter if you're here. We start at 12:45.


Glenn: He doesn't know the rules.


Rob: He doesn't know the rules.

Glenn: He doesn't know the rules. Poor guy.

Meg: He's an actual doctor.

Rob: I know, but you know what?

Charlie: We're rolling, right?

Meg: We are, yeah.

Charlie: We're always rolling.

Rob: When you say what time you're starting, that is what time you're starting.

Meg: He did say-- although it is 12:42, and we said 12:45.

Rob: Okay. He's got three minutes.

Meg: So, he's got three minutes.

Rob: Nobody warned him.

Charlie: He's here, though. He was here before you guys.

Rob: We-- the doctor is here.

Glenn: Yeah, the doctor is in.

Rob: I know he's in because he took my spot.

Glenn: Doctors are notoriously late, though. Like, have you, I mean--

Charlie: By the way, people are on doctor time. You know what I mean? Doctors aren't on our time. We're on their time because we need them to save our lives.

Rob: Oh, okay. I think that's fair.

Glenn: Do we?

Rob: If-if--

Charlie: Do we? I don't know. We do.

Rob: But that's assuming he's on the phone right now with a patient. He could be on-

Charlie: 90%.

Glenn: He could be on with his bookie.

Rob: He could be on with his bookie.


Glenn: He could be on with his bookie, like, yeah.

Rob: He could be on with his mistress.

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: He-- it could be his insurance adjuster. I don't know.

Glenn: Mm-hmm, his priest.

Charlie: 90% patient.

Glenn: He's on with his priest doing penance over the phone.

Charlie: I've spent a lot of time around Dr. Kipper. He's Danny's doctor and he's my doctor, and, uh, and I consider him a personal friend, but the man's phone is constantly ringing with--

Glenn: Oh, while you're in the room with him?

Charlie: He's good about, like, having it off, but every now and then, he's like, oh, this is like, uh, you know, the Sultan of Dubai and I have to go take this and make sure his cough has cleared up.

Rob: I've always appreciated that about Dr. Kipper. I, too, have known him for a very long time.

Charlie: I made that up about the Sultan of Dubai though, so please, no one, you know, [crosstalk] get off me.

Rob: He gives- he gives his patients access.

Charlie: Sure that-- Well, yeah.

Rob: And that's great.

Charlie: Hey, Dr. Kipper, here we are.

Meg: The guys need lumbar support, but if you don't need this, I can remove this for you.

Dr. Kipper: I need different support, but--

Rob: He needs emotional support.

Glenn: Emotional support.

Meg: Yeah, that is okay. I'll--

Charlie: I'll take his lumbar support then if he's not--

Meg: You want it?

Charlie: Yeah, sure. Sure.

Rob: He's gonna double up. He's gonna double up.

Charlie: I don't have one. I don't have one.

Rob: Oh, okay.

Glenn: I was just telling a story. I was down-- my wife and I were down in San Diego having dinner at a restaurant called Market, and I was talking to the chef, and I asked him if he had a good doctor down in San Diego because we may be moving there soon, and he said, yes, I do, in fact. Uh, his name is Dr. Kipper. Now, would that be your brother?

Dr. Kipper: I have two brothers that are doctors down there, so it would've been my- it would have been my younger brother, Stuart, yes. [crosstalk]

Glenn: Okay. He didn't mention the first name, but he said, Kipper. I was like, "That's crazy. I'm literally about to see Dr. Kipper, L.A. Dr. Kipper in a couple of days."

Dr. Kipper: No, that's my- that's my little brother.

Rob: Wait. You have, you have-- how many brothers in total?

Dr. Kipper: I have two brothers.

Rob: And they're both doctors?

Dr. Kipper: Both doctors.

Charlie: Was your- was your father a doctor as well?

Dr. Kipper: My father was a meat man.

Charlie: A meat man.

Dr. Kipper: Yeah.

Rob: Wow.

Meg: That's just an older word for a doctor, a meat man.


Charlie: The original doctor.

Glenn: That's all we are, just meat puppets, right?

Charlie: That's right, man. We're just, uh, you know.

Dr. Kipper: But I-I love my brothers, and he's great, um--

Glenn: And is he-- you're, you're an internist, correct?

Dr. Kipper: I'm an internist.

Glenn: Okay, and are they internists as well?

Dr. Kipper: Stuart's an internist. My older brother is a nuclear medicine specialist, so he does all these crazy scans and-

Glenn: I don't know what you're saying. I've never--

Dr. Kipper: -imaging studies and, so--

Glenn: A nuclear medicine? Nuclear-nuclear--

Dr. Kipper: He does-- if someone has a heart problem, like cancer problem, and they need imaging, scans-

Glenn: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: -that's what he does.

Glenn: Okay. What does that have to do with nuclear stuff, though?

Dr. Kipper: Well, they use nuclear isotopes.

Glenn: Is that right?

Dr. Kipper: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Is that a new thing?


Rob: Yeah, of course. Well, yeah, they use nuclear with those stuff.

Dr. Kipper: It is a new thing. New in the '60s, I think, but it's- it's relatively new.


Glenn: Okay. All right. I was not familiar.

Charlie: Now, of all your siblings, who has the most famous patients? It's got to be you, right?

Dr. Kipper: Can't talk about it.


Glenn: You don't have to say names. I mean, we know. We know.

Rob: Well, he's practicing out of Beverly Hills. The brothers are in San Diego. I mean--

Glenn: You guys are crushing.

Charlie: Well, we can talk about one who's not here, and-and thank you for keeping him alive so that he can do our show for many, many seasons.

Dr. Kipper: And why isn't he here? Was he not invited or was he--?

Rob: He's been invited many times.

Charlie: Yes.

Rob: You know, Danny. He-he's, uh--

Glenn: He's elusive.

Rob: He's elusive.

Charlie: He's elusive.

Rob: You gotta,- you gotta grab him when he is around.

Glenn: Tough to pin him down.

Charlie: You gotta get him-- roll out the red carpet, maybe.

Glenn: I bet he's not elusive for Dr. Kipper.

Charlie: No, he's not. We'll break out some limoncello and we'll get him here.


Dr. Kipper: Okay, good. Good.

Rob: Yes. Well, he was--

Glenn: Well, how are you? Thank you so much for doing this with us.

Dr. Kipper: I'm- I'm- I'm good. Thank you.

Glenn: Okay, so here's the thing.

Rob: Are we good?

Dr. Kipper: The question is--

Glenn: Are we good?

Rob: Are we good?

Glenn: So, here's the thing.

Rob: Yeah, how-how can we set this up the best?

Meg: Yeah, set-set it up.

Charlie: Okay, let's set it up.

Rob: Like, I wanna ask a bunch of questions before we even get into it.

Glenn: I-I we'd-- I think that's fair.

Charlie: Let's give him some context for how we-we got into this.

Rob: Yes, please.

Charlie: How did we get into this?


We decided--

Glenn: Well-well no, it was because the episode, Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack, is coming up. Right? We did an episode where one of the characters has a heart attack. She goes to the hospital, and then she gets kicked out 'cause she doesn't have insurance and she can't pay, um, but we thought, like, oh, this would be a good opportunity to find out if any of us are headed towards heart attack country and, uh, you know, get our numbers. You know what I mean? Get our blood taken and find out what's going on inside of our bodies, and, but most importantly to find out who's the healthiest amongst the three of us. So it's- it's us versus each other is very much a competition just--

Dr. Kipper: So I--

Rob: It is the four of us 'cause Meg is also part of us.

Glenn: Oh, I'm sorry. That's right. Meg, that's right. I forgot you got your-your stuff taken too, yeah. So- so we are-- this is a competition. Um-

Meg: [laughs]

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -and I'm just hoping that you're not biased towards Charlie because he's your patient.

Rob: Right.

Charlie: Well, I'll tell you this, uh, I feel in some ways, I feel like I lost already because I don't know about you guys but after we sent in our bloodwork, I got a call from the company-

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: -which is-

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: -never a good feeling. You know what?

Glenn: What do you mean the company?

Charlie: The company that's testing the blood saying, "Hey-

Glenn: Quest Diagnostics?

Charlie: -yes, "we are required to call you and tell you about this result in your blood."

Rob: Uh-oh, wow.

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: Now, can we--?

Charlie: So--

Rob: What was, which, what was that?

Charlie: Um--

Glenn: You okay Meg?

Charlie: I'm a goner.

Meg: [laughs]

Charlie: It's been good to know you guys. Uh, no, it was a cholesterol thing.

Rob: Uh-huh.

Charlie: But we'll see what the numbers actually mean because I-I think-

Rob: Ooh.

Charlie: -the-the--

Rob: Wait.

Glenn: That's gonna change your score.

Rob: Did you then call Dr. Kipper? I-I think he might be fair-

Charlie: Of course.

Rob: -to have done that.


Charlie: [chuckles] Yes.

Rob: I was about to get upset with you because that ruins the whole brackets.

Charlie: No, no, no, I was just-- uh, and by the way, we-we did not discuss but I was like, "Hey, just so you know, I got a call from this company and they said, 'Would you like to consult with our doctor?'" I said, "No, I' have my own- my own doctor and he can tell me I'm dying." So, um-

Meg: [laughs]

Charlie: -so, uh-uh-

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: -maybe we'll cut all this so it can be revealed. But, uh-

Rob: No, I-

Charlie: I got some numbers that were out of the range according to them, but maybe not according to this guy. We'll see.

Rob: Well, here's what I do know, in the beginning, now it's going to be us versus each other. But at a certain point, I think, um, if you give us all equally, uh, bad information, it's gonna be us versus you. Um, and really, we'll be attacking you personally attacking Western medicine in general, and the search result.

Dr. Kipper: That's Simon interpreting this guess who's gonna win.


Rob: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: So medicine?

Glenn: Medicine.

Rob: Med is, Med--

Glenn: Probably science.

Rob: I believe, according to the Hippocratic Oath, you can't-

Glenn: Oath, you can't do harm.

Rob: -you can't do harm.

Glenn: We can do emotional harm certainly. I don't think we would try to come at you physically, I don't think.

Dr. Kipper: [crosstalk] You can do whatever you want.

Charlie: That's true.

Glenn: Okay.

Dr. Kipper: You're not bound by those simps-- you know.

Charlie: That's true. This isn't even a union.

Glenn: We've not taken any sort of notes here.

Dr. Kipper: Can-can I propose a, I don't know what your format is, but--?

Charlie: This is a- this is a, it's chaos. [crosstalk] We got it together.


Dr. Kipper: So there's four-four people that have all these numbers. And if it is a competition, we can certainly go-

Glenn: Oh, yes.

Dr. Kipper: -point by point and say Rob wins this one, Glenn wins this one.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: And--

Meg: You like this formation. You're liking this one.


Glenn: Yeah, yeah. So, a point- a point for each category whoever wins each category kind of a thing?

Dr. Kipper: Yes.

Glenn: Could there also be like oh, these are close, these are-

Charlie: Who's gonna keep track of the total points--?

Glenn: -both numbers and each person gets a point.

Dr. Kipper: There-there could be that there could be a tie-

Glenn: Okay.

Dr. Kipper: -for the two best, there could be- there could be a very bad number for who does the worse. Um, I don't know-

Rob: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: -if we subtract from the total.

Rob: I like- I like it, I like rating a scale. Are-are we taking age into account or is it just overall health because these guys are significantly older than me and so--

Charlie: We do have a year on him.

Rob: And have a year on them.

Charlie: They have a year, yeah.

Rob: And we've got a few years on Meg-

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: -for saying overall health, I don't think it should be relatively true.

Charlie: It doesn't matter, yeah.

Rob: Okay, we already here. Okay.

Glenn: So however you want to do that, I mean, I'm happy to-

Charlie: Whether-- I like your proposal. Let's go line by line.

Glenn: Let's figure this out as we go just like we have been doing the podcast.

Meg: [laughs]

Dr. Kipper: Yeah. And so, do you, would you guys like a copy of everybody's results or should you wanna be surprised?

Rob: I think we wanna be surprised.

Charlie: Let's be surprised.

Dr. Kipper: Okay.

Rob: Can we, before we do this too, can we all take a guess as to who, like what places we're gonna come in?

Charlie: Okay. I'm going to guess that Rob is the healthiest, followed by Meg.

Meghan: [laughs]

Charlie: Sorry, followed by Glenn, followed by me. [chuckles]

Rob: Interesting.

Charlie: I think. Just based on lifestyle choices.

Glenn: Yeah. I-I--


Charlie: Your lifestyle choice, I'm wondering if it's-

Glenn: Like too extreme.

Charlie: -too extreme-

Glenn: Too extreme, got it.

Charlie: -and it's tipped.

Glenn: Yes, yes, yes. That's right.

Rob: I do agree that I think Glenn is-is going to be, I think Glenn is gonna come in second or third though, I don't, I- I like but--

Glenn: Well, he had me at third, right? You had me at third, right?

Charlie: You have me at third.

Rob: I think it's between Meg and Charlie.

Charlie: No, no. I'm very lax. [crosstalk]

Rob: The cholesterol thing, that threw me a little bit.

Charlie: Um, yeah.

Rob: Meg's pretty healthy.

Glenn: I looked at my numbers already, I looked at my results.

Rob: I looked at my results and they-

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: -lined up exactly with what I assumed they--

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: We're gonna be because I had just had blood work done like three months ago and it's almost exactly the same.

Glenn: Right.

Rob: But I didn't change my- nobody changed their routines or anything like that.

Glenn: No. I bet did exactly worse far than you.

Rob: Did exactly. Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: There was one issue and that was generic to everybody is [laughs] your blood pressures are all in the dangerous zone.


Glenn: Did you- did you notice that?

Charlie: This is a high-stress job, Kipper. There's a lot of--

Glenn: You know, I-I was-- I think that--

Charlie: There was something wrong with that machine.

Dr. Kipper: Did they do it here or did they do it here?

Charlie: They did it here on the wrist.

Glenn: Yeah. And-and then it was, um--

Dr. Kipper: Yeah, the wrist isn't very accurate.

Glenn: Yeah, I know that-- Speaking for myself, I-I was not-- I hadn't eaten anything and I was like on like a lot of coffee so I don't know if that affects it.

Charlie: We also had all just had our blood drawn, right?

Rob: Yeah. I-I can tell you this, I've never had high blood pressure-

Glenn: Nor have I.

Rob: -in my entire life.

Meg: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: Well, I wouldn't say never.

Rob: Fair enough. According to this. Yeah.

Meg: [laughs]

Dr. Kipper: So I actually brought a blood pressure cuff, so we could either just knock this metric out and not bother with checking your pressures.

Rob: Yes, please.

Charlie: Should we do the blood pressure first or last?

Rob: As like a tiebreaker maybe?

Meg: Yeah, let's keep that as the tiebreaker. [crosstalk]

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Although I feel like our blood pressure might be rising.

Meg: No, that's good. Who's calm under pressure? [crosstalk]

Charlie: I'm learning a lot about ties from your TV show Wrexham.

Rob: Yes

Charlie: Which is very good. [crosstalk] I watched it. I was excited-- interested to also like what you thought of, um- um, I Want You Back.

Glenn: I loved it.

Rob: Interesting. Yeah, we've talked about it.

Glenn: I-I told-- I texted you after I saw it.

Charlie: I know you loved it.

Glenn: I loved it.

Rob: Uh-oh. You--

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: I told you how much I loved it. I-- We were playing golf. I can take you back to Lakeside golf club.

Charlie: This is the problem. 'I can't talk shit because I don't remember stuff.'


Glenn: I texted you right after I saw it. I enjoyed it-

Charlie: Oh, thank you.

Glenn: -very much.

Charlie: Thank you.

Glenn: I found it very enjoyable.

Charlie: Anyways, we have Kipper here. Let's not waste his time. Let's talk about who's healthiest.

Meg: What's the first metric?

Dr. Kipper: Yes. So the first metric, we'll- we'll save the blood pressure for the end, right? Okay, good. I'm not so sure there's gonna actually be a tie that has to be, um--


Glenn: Does-does coffee affect it?

Dr. Kipper: Well, um-

Glenn: Does coffee affect the blood pressure thing?

Dr. Kipper: -it-it makes it go up a little bit.

Glenn: Okay. Well, shit.

Charlie: I've had nothing but coffee.

Dr. Kipper: And none of you are on the lower side. So it's-- You know, I wouldn't add more caffeine.

Glenn: I've had a tremendous amount of coffee before, I'm not gonna lie.

Rob: I had a five-hour energy drink before I came here, so--

Glenn: Okay, okay. All right, all right. Well, so at least we're all in the same spot.

Rob: Yes. So that's my kidneys, my liver, and my heart.


Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: That's right.

Dr. Kipper: So, um, let's do these one at a time and I'll sort of grade them as we go along and keep us tally here. -

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: This is amazing. I'm so excited.

Meg: [laughs]

Glenn: We've been talking about this for long.

Rob: My blood pressure's through the roof right now.


Dr. Kipper: Do you wanna be the scorekeeper?

Meg: I will keep score, yes.

Dr. Kipper: Oh my gosh. Goodness.

Charlie: Okay. Excellent.

Dr. Kipper: Here's a spreadsheet.

Charlie: Oh, that's-- You just made her dream come true. Look at that.

Glenn: He's a thousand times more prepared coming into this podcast than, uh, any of us have ever been.

Charlie: I know 'cause he is a grown adult with responsibilities. He assumes there's s-structure and thought put into--

Glenn: [laughs] Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: [laughs] No, he doesn't.


Um, all right. So the first thing that they measured was your BMI. That's your Basic Metabolic Rate. It basically tells you how overweight you might be. And you all did very well. The- there was a tie. It was a three-way tie between Rob, Glenn, and Meg. Sorry, Charlie.

Charlie: Oh, yeah. I know.

Dr. Kipper: You weren't far behind but-- So you could put in three wins there.

Charlie: All right. So that's three points for you guys and I-I lose a point. Do I need a-a--?

Glenn: I don't think you lose a point-

Charlie: Do I need to lose a little weight.

Glenn: -I think you just don't get a point.

Dr. Kipper: No, your BMIs, by the way, they were all good. They were all in a very good range. [crosstalk]

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: But it's just ours were a little bit better.

Meg: Ours were more better than--

Charlie: I have a little more power is what you're saying. It's a little more--

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: A little bit more mass. If you could cultivate that mass.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. Now if I was their height, well, my-my body mass would be very good.

Dr. Kipper: Again, there's-- You've sort of lost that one.


Uh, this is a two-way tie, uh, for Glenn and Meg.

Rob: Wait-wait a second. Wait a second.

Meg: [laughs]

Charlie: What? You lost the height?

Rob: No, no, I definitely know I lost the height. It's just a question as to whether or not that makes you more healthy because you're taller.

Glenn: Well, now, what-what-- Yeah. What does that mean? 'Cause you're not saying we win because we're the tallest, right?

Dr. Kipper: You know that longevity data shows that if you're very tall, you have a shorter lifespan.

Glenn: Okay. So that's a tie between Meg and I.

Charlie: So that's a point for me.

Meg: [laughs]

Glenn: That's actually [crosstalk]

Charlie: A shorter lifespan.

Glenn: I'm sorry was I-I stop--

Rob: Shorter life span.

Glenn: Got it.

Meg: Shorter life span, too.

Rob: I would- I would vote to strike that from the record because it doesn't really make any sense.

Meg: I would also like to strike weight because I didn't enjoy that I was heavier than most of the guys. So if we could strike that one as well.

Glenn: You were not, uh, were you?

Meg: I were. You were the only person that one pound heavier than me. [crosstalk]

Rob: But muscle is heavy and you have a lot of muscle-

Meg: That's true.

Rob: -just so you're walking around with a lot of muscle.

Glenn: I saw your Instagram p-post today where you were pushing all kinds of weight. [crosstalk] My God.

Charlie: I'm also extremely muscular and it's hard to just go around.

Dr. Kipper: By the way, I would if I were you push not to have that metric stricken from the contest-

Charlie: The height one?

Dr. Kipper: -'cause you're finally coming in here.

Charlie: I know, yeah. So I finally got a point. One point for shortness, please.

Rob: Wait a second. Okay. So if-if Danny was here, he'd be the most healthy?

Charlie: Yeah. Well, look at him, man. He's still going.

Rob: Get the fuck outta here. Asterisk.

Meg: I've gone and given Charlie a point and I've also put an asterisk next to it. So we'll count- we'll count up the asterisks at the end. [crosstalk]


Rob: I'm sure there's gonna be tons of those.

Charlie: I feel like I would deserve the point more if my body mass was as lithe as yours.

Dr. Kipper: But I think Glenn gets a point just outta kindness because it's context.


Meg: There's none of that here.

Dr. Kipper: The context of this is the genetics.

Rob: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: So all of these things have to be interpreted in context. So you brought up genetics.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: I think that's worth half a point.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, just for-for social consciousness.

Glenn: Oh, I didn't know we're giving out points for that. I don't know.

Charlie: Too much stress over here.

Glenn: I-I-I appreciate that. Uh, I don't think I should get a point for it. Simply because I think we should just be getting points for healthy stuff.

Charlie: All right let's do the hard number, the hard numbers.

Dr. Kipper: Now cholesterol, we'll move into the fats and the lipids. The lowest number was Glenn but-- and that was your total. That was the total cholesterol.

Glenn: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: Where there are- where the genetics come into play, that's where this one comes into play because cholesterol is a genetically determined metric. So it does matter how much you eat and what you eat to some degree, but your basic numbers are genetically predetermined.

Meg: Wow, that's interesting.

Dr. Kipper: When we relate this to heart disease, the genetics also take over because if you have a family history-- strong family history for heart disease, your cholesterols become that much more important. Especially if you have a first-degree relative that died early from a heart attack like in their 50s, then these numbers become much more relevant. So not everybody needs--

Rob: This interesting, but yes, because we have-- In my family, we have high- historically high cholesterol, but my internist tells me that it's not as big of an issue because-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -we live into our '90s and nobody dies of heart disease. They all die of prostate cancer and things like that.

Dr. Kipper: So a way to-a way to actually understand that is to do a really simple test. It's a calcium study of your coronary arteries. It's a six-minute test. You don't get naked, you don't get stuck with a needle. You're laying on a table and it measures the calcium in the- in the three arteries of the heart.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: And if we see calcium in these arteries, it means that you're forming plaque. If you start to form a plaque, a cholesterol plaque, if it lodges in the artery, it takes about 18 months for that plaque to scar down and become calcified. So if we see calcium on this scan, we then understand that you are putting some plaque into the arteries. So let's say you are-- you have a high cholesterol, but you have no plaque.

Glenn: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: You have no calcium, then that's a genetic cholesterol issue and you're really not obligated to treat that. So-

Rob: Let's get that test.

Dr. Kipper: -the total cholesterol is meaningless. It's the bad cholesterol. So it's the component-- Well, the total does matter because-

Glenn: Okay.

Dr. Kipper: -if it's really high, yours-- none of yours were really that high.

Rob: So no points.

Glenn: Wait a second, now. [chuckles]

Rob: He said it doesn't matter.

Glenn: He didn't say doesn't matter at all. He said, "It doesn't--" Should I get a point for it for that?

Dr. Kipper: Well, you're-you're about to get a point for what I'm about to explain.

Glenn: Maybe I get more than one point?


Dr. Kipper: So there's- there's two kinds of cholesterol, there's a good and a bad. The good cholesterol is good because it grabs the bad cholesterol, puts it into the poop chute, and it eliminates it.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: The bad cholesterol is the one that lodges in the arteries. So you want a high HDL.

Glenn: Right.

Dr. Kipper: You want a low LDL.

Glenn: LDL, right.

Dr. Kipper: The LDL numbers are-are interesting because as you pointed out, we're learning more and more about how these molecules work. We used to treat a-- an LDL with statin drugs and there was a coronary association. We would get those numbers below 130 when I started practice and that number dropped to 100. That number then dropped to 70 and now it's 50.

Glenn: Good God.

Dr. Kipper: Took a lot of people that had serious heart disease, bypass operations, multiple heart attacks. They gave them these lipid-lowering medicines, these statins, they followed these people and they followed their LDLs. What they found was that the people that had these low LDLs did better.

Glenn: So yeah, what are our numbers?

Dr. Kipper: Glenn, your number was-- you won. You were 73 and Rob you were 137. Meg, you were 83, and Charlie you were 110. So when they told you that your cholesterol was up, it's really a meaningless number.

Glenn: That's what they-- but that's what they were. They were referring to the LDL, or is it the LDL in relation to the HDL? So if your HDL is higher, does that cancel out some of the LDL?

Dr. Kipper: Yes. People who could have a high HDL for whatever reasons, they have better longevity statistics. So they're somehow eliminating the bad cholesterol and for reasons that I have never understood, they seem to do better. You can't do much to raise your HDL. That's sort of the problem

Glenn: Really?

Dr. Kipper: That's also a genetic number.

Charlie: So when I got a call, I think about the HDL, right, which was high?

Dr. Kipper: You got a call about the total cholesterol, but your-your HDL-- Actually, all of you did really well with your HDLs. Your HDL was 67, Rob's was 70, Glenn's 58, and Meg, you won this one. You were at 88.

Rob: Well, because you wanna be higher there.

Meg: This is how I've chosen to score this, I'm gonna give Glenn a point for his total cholesterol. I put an asterisk there 'cause its meaningless. I've given Glenn a point for giving the lowest LDL and I've given myself a point for having the best HDL.

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: That seems fair.

Meg: That means the current health point score is Rob 1, Charlie 1, Glenn 3, and Meg with 2.

Dr. Kipper: The other fat in the system is the triglyceride and the triglyceride is just another form of fat. We don't associate this necessarily with heart disease, but as you pointed out, Glenn there are- there are studies now showing that a high triglyceride may in fact impact your, uh, problems with your coronary artery. So having said that, the winning number here, Meg, at 45.

Rob: Wow.

Dr. Kipper: Glenn, you were 83, Rob 112, and sorry, Charlie, you were 136 but those are all normal number so none of those are bad.

Glenn: All within the normal range?

Dr. Kipper: Yes, none of those are bad

Glenn: Well, so-so--

Meg: Just mine is more better.

Rob: How can you be more normal?

Glenn: Well, that's what I was gonna say, in your opinion then, does-does it if were are all within normal range, does it, is it still significant? I mean hers is though significantly lower, however, I will say than even mine. She's at what, 50-something? I was 83.

Dr. Kipper: She-- Meg's at 45.

Glenn: Oh, 45, sorry.

Dr. Kipper: If I had to pick the blood I would want, I would want the 45.

Rob: Okay, great.

Glenn: Well then she gets a point that answers the question, yeah.

Dr. Kipper: This is also genetically determined and it's hard to really change that, but if you're massively overweight and you're eating all the wrong stuff, you can certainly raise your triglycerides.

Rob: That's actually a good metric, too. The blood that you would want or the number that you would want--

Glenn: That's not--

Rob: I think that's really good.

Glenn: 100% totally.

Rob: Because if it's all normal and it doesn't really matter, then this doesn't work. We need to find a way to win it or lose it.

Glenn: Yes, yes. [laughs]

Meg: Me being a lady doesn't have anything to do with that, right?

Glenn: Oh, that's a good question.

Dr. Kipper: Very good question. No.

Meg: No. Okay.

Glenn: Are there any advantages or disadvantages that anyone of us will have being either male or female?

Rob: Socially or--?

Charlie: Societally? I mean go ahead and knock a few points just for being a woman in the society.

Rob: Yeah. Although she does live longer, she doesn't live as well.

Charlie: She does but we control whether or not.

Rob: Exactly.

Glenn: How that life goes, yeah

Meg: That's like-- [crosstalk]

Dr. Kipper: Her testosterone are gonna be the lowest.

Glenn: Right.

Dr. Kipper: Her PSA will be the lowest.

Glenn: Right.

Dr. Kipper: And your estrogens will be the lowest.

Glenn: Right.

Rob: Okay.

Dr. Kipper: So it sort of washes out.

Meg: Okay, great.

Dr. Kipper: This is the point where you wanna pick your parents. This is about picking your parents with the heart stuff and the fats. So there is a measure called a CRP, a C-Reactive Protein, and it's a generalized inflammatory marker, and that inflammatory marker indicates that there's something going on in your system. So people that have arthritis, people that have cancer, people that are overweight, that CRP number goes up and the more inflation there is the more likely you are to mutate your cells and get cancer and heart disease is also more vulnerable. So on that, we have a three-way tie for the best number, which would be, sorry Charlie, would be Rob, Glenn, and Meg, you're gonna be so sorry you asked me to do this.

Charlie: I know. I-I predicted to being myself to being the loser. I'm in a lot of pain and I feel ill.

Dr. Kipper: But your number was good. Your number was also normal.

Glenn: I'm in a lot of pain and I feel very ill.


Dr. Kipper: You guys were very normal and you were normal.

Glenn: So now how do we do it? So the three of us get a point?

Meg: Yeah

Glenn: And then he just does not get a point. Is that how we are doing it? Okay.

Dr. Kipper: Um--

Glenn: Sorry, I didn't mean to rub that in I just wanted to clarify.

Charlie: No, it's- it's fine. It's just my general health

Dr. Kipper: The older you get, that number just goes up just because your metabolism changes, people gain weight as they get older

Glenn: Well, that's good that we're all within the normal range though. Can we acknowledge that Charlie that you are within you know healthy normal range?

Charlie: Thanks, yes.

Glenn: Just not as healthy.


Rob: That's true, I wanna get like a general analysis and assessment at the very end, which is recognizing how old we are. Are we healthy or not?

Glenn: Yeah, I would like to know, you know, am I healthy in general at the end of this, but also like-

Rob: And what can I do to--?

Glenn: -am I also healthy for my age? like 'cause I, you know what I mean.

Rob: Am I walking out of here with a prescription for Lipitor? Maybe.

Rob: Right.

Glenn: Maybe.

Rob: Am I walking out of here with my chin held high?

Charlie: I would say like both you guys though, like have parents that don't have a history of like, you know, heart disease and cancer, right? As do I. So not only that, but also you exercise regularly and are the most disciplined eaters, I know, except for maybe Bateman, but like, so if you guys aren't healthy, nobody's healthy, right, like--?

Glenn: This is my--

Rob: Maybe, I don't know.

Charlie: When was the last time you ate a carbohydrate? You?


Glenn: I mean, almost every meal.

Rob: I ate a sandwich on the way, on the way over here.

Charlie: I've never seen it, I've never seen it.

Rob: I drink four shots of whiskey every night.

Charlie: I haven't seen it since season two, man.

Glenn: Come on, get out of here.

Rob: Come on, my liver and kidneys are gonna be terrible.

Glenn: A mess, you think so? I don't know, you might be all right.

Rob: A mess.

Charlie: We'll see.

Glenn: All right, let's keep going.

Dr. Kipper: The next set of metrics that they looked at were your blood sugars. So diabetes is what this relates to.

Charlie: Diabetes.

Dr. Kipper: So they did a--

Glenn: Like blood glucose levels?

Dr. Kipper: Blood glucose and then they did a hemoglobin A1C and I'll explain that in a second. But your glucose numbers, those random glucose numbers, Glenn, you win again. Charlie, you were a close second.

Charlie: That's very-- Oh, bang.

Glenn: Hey, buddy.

Dr. Kipper: But I don't- I don't think we're giving points for second.

Glenn: We're not.

Charlie: Damn, but at this point, I'm psyched to come in second.

Glenn: We're not but, yeah.

Charlie: I'm not last.

Meg: He doesn't need the point.

Dr. Kipper: Yours was 65. That's, you know, 100-130 is like a normal range. 65, 82, 78, 99.

Meg: Oh, 99 for me.

Glenn: Can I ask you, you said, did, so I-I usually, intermittent fast, uh, almost every day. I mean pretty much every day, um, and I, it's my understanding that that can help.

Dr. Kipper: Intermittent fasting is great.

Rob: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: I mean it's been around 200 years. It's really smart. The hemoglobin A1C is the metric that we now use to understand if we're prediabetic. That's really what we want to know with these numbers or if we're diabetic to see how bad our diabetes is and whether we need to be more aggressive with our treatment. And that number's a three-month average of your blood sugar. So it's not fasting, it's not two hours later. When I started practice it was a six-hour glucose tolerance test. Imagine trying to stick somebody every hour six times.

So the A1C hemoglobin is, they take a hemoglobin molecule, that's the red blood cell, right? That carries the oxygen through the system. Every cell in the body is dependent on glucose, as an energy source. So they take a bunch of hemoglobin cells and they look at them and they average the sugar content in these cells. And that's your A1C hemoglobin, so those numbers are, if normal, below 5.7 and here the decimal points matter and you're a diabetic. When you're in the 7, you're prediabetic in the 6s. This is, sort of a broad stroke. In Europe, it's a whole different measuring of these numbers.

Glenn: It's a tight, I mean between 5.7 and 6, like, ooh.

Dr. Kipper: Yeah, no it's a, it's, you start paying attention when people are in-in their 6s.

Glenn: And is it bad if you're at certain-- if you're too low?

Dr. Kipper: No, it's good.

Glenn: Okay, so too low is not a bad thing.

Dr. Kipper: It's- it's- it's good. You all did really well with your A1C, so--

Glenn: Okay.

Dr. Kipper: Charlie, you, I'm so looking for a win here for you--


Charlie: I know, I know, don't- don't get your hopes up though.

Dr. Kipper: You were 4.8, um, only beaten by once again, Glenn who was 4.4 closely behind Meg who was 5.0, and Rob, very acceptable 5.1. So these are great numbers-

Glenn: Nice.

Rob: Great.

Dr. Kipper: -and at this stage in your life, if you were really going to be prediabetic, these numbers would be a little higher. So you're probably, I would bet that there's not a lot of diabetes in your families.

Glenn: I don't think there's any in mine. I don't- I don't know anybody. I mean there could be on--

Dr. Kipper: I don't think there's any health issues in your family based on where we are now. You're the--

Glenn: No.

Charlie: Unfortunately, there's not a mental health chart there.


Glenn: Oh dude, totally. You know, you're absolutely right.

Rob: Well, that's the next one.

Charlie: Yeah.



Meg: The current score is Rob with 2, Charlie has 1, Glenn has 6, and Meg has 4.

Dr. Kipper: So the next study is where the kidney functions and we measure a protein that gets processed-

Rob: Uh-oh.

Dr. Kipper: -through the kidney and if the kidney's working normally that protein is eliminated and if it's not eliminated and these little filters in the kidney that are responsible for getting rid of the toxins are damaged or not working. Then it backs up in the blood, that creatinine backs up in the blood and that number goes higher, so you want a low creatinine, it shows you that your kidneys are working and you guys all did great.

Charlie: But who did the best? [laughs]

Dr. Kipper: Normal's about up-up to 1.2 and Meg you have the win here. You had a 0.76.

Meg: Great.

Glenn: A very close.

Dr. Kipper: Second at 0.98.

Charlie: Top man score.


Dr. Kipper: Yes.

Glenn: You're top man now?

Charlie: Top mean score now, yeah, yeah. I'm just gonna eliminate you from the competition now.

Meg: I probably shot off the woman's tee, right? So it doesn't really count, I'm staying.


Charlie: It does quite count. We're talking about a man's kidney here.

Meg: Right. I'll give you a man's point for that.

Charlie: One man's point, please. One man's point, please.

Dr. Kipper: You guys were close, you were close. You were-- Rob, you were 1.26; and Glenn, you are 1.25 but you're-- these are- these are all great numbers.

Glenn: Mm.

Rob: Okay.

Meg: We should drink to that.

Glenn: I'm in.

Rob: I'm gonna drink to that.

Charlie: And to that.

Glenn: I'll drink to that.


Dr. Kipper: So these filters are also measured in something called the GFR. When we see your lab stuff, that's the filtration rate of these little filters. And so in that regard, the higher the number, the better. We start to worry when those numbers are below 40 you guys again did very well. The highest male number goes to Charlie-


Charlie: Yes.

Dr. Kipper: -at a 96.

Charlie: Got a good kidney.

Dr. Kipper: You two tied at 72 and the female winner is 103.

Rob: That's the overall winner.

Charlie: Well, that's the overall winner, yay.

Rob: Wait-wait we are not-- [chuckles] we can not-- we're not breaking this up for good.

Charlie: All right. Yeah. We'll let her-- give her the win.

Meg: I'll get a woman's point for that.

Dr. Kipper: So if you guys need a kidney, that's where you're going.

Rob: That's the one.

Glenn: She's the one, okay.

Charlie: She got two, right? You got two still?

Meg: I do, I do, I think. Yeah. Hold on, yeah.

Dr. Kipper: A set of liver tests were done.

Rob: Whoo, whoo.

Dr. Kipper: And so--


Charlie: This one I'm gonna guess the winner is Glenn.

Glenn: Uh, I dunno.

Rob: It-it could- it could be you.

Glenn: We've all done damage.

Rob: You've been done-- [crosstalk]

Charlie: I've done long-term damage. [laughs]

Rob: I'm gonna come in last, I could tell you that. Charlie, came in last [chuckles] okay. All right.

Glenn: Long-term damage.

Charlie: Yeah, buddy.

Dr. Kipper: You have you all did fine.

Charlie: You think you can drink?

Dr. Kipper: The first number would be-


-the first one they looked at was bilirubin. It's just one of these things that we have in the kidney. Um, you're all in the normal range. The lower the bilirubin, the better. Glenn, you were points-- Oh, wait a minute, Rob-

Rob: [grasps]

Dr. Kipper: -you were 0.5. You were point 0.6.

Glenn: Ohh.

Rob: Yo, bilirubin.

Charlie: Wow, wow.

Meg: [laughs] Is he a friend of yours?

Glenn: Old bilirubin.


Rob: I say-

Glenn: Bilirubin is fine.

Rob: -I say, we make another liquor like scotch-

Glenn: And bilirubin?

Rob: -call it bilirubin. Yeah, that's a good name for it.

Dr. Kipper: This was a photo finish on this one for you guys.

Glenn: Oh, man.

Rob: Oh, I'll take it.

Dr. Kipper: When you see people turn yellow, it's because your bilirubin is up. And that usually starts happening when they're in the range of four, um.

Glenn: I had jaundice when I was born.

Charlie: Where I'm I at my bilirubin?

Dr. Kipper: You're 1.1.

Charlie: That's fine.


Dr. Kipper: Another photo finish for second-

Meg: 1

Dr. Kipper: -you were 1.

Meg: Yeah, I saw that.

Dr. Kipper: Yeah.

Meg: I'm gonna watch that.

Dr. Kipper: So Rob gets the point there.

Rob: I-I'll take it, I dunno why that is- that is astounding.

Glenn: That is astounding, yeah.

Dr. Kipper: There's a globulin which is just a different protein that's measured. You guys were all in the normal range, uh--

Charlie: Who was the best?

Meg: [laughs]

Rob: Who was the best globulin? Whos the globulin?

Glenn: Who's got the best goblins?

Dr. Kipper: 2.1 for you guys.

Meg: For Glenn and Rob?

Dr. Kipper: 2.5 over here.

Charlie: Is high good?

Meg: Is 2.5 for Charlie?

Dr. Kipper: I'm gonna give you 2.6.

Glenn: We want low goblins or--?

Dr. Kipper: Um, you-you don't want high globulin so then--

Rob: Glenn we'll share a point.

[bell rings]

Glenn: Yeah, we'll share a point on that one. Yeah one point for each, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, I can't [crosstalk] I'm a goner.



Rob: Glenn, you take issue with having to download a million apps, now I'm the same way but with getting a million notifications.

Charlie: Now you know you can, uh, you can turn those things off, right?

Rob: Oh, I do I silence everything except-- [dings] Uh-huh.

Glenn: Oh, that's the Shopify notification of a new sale, isn't it?

Rob: That's exactly right. Shopify makes it simple to sell to anyone from anywhere whether your thing is selling vintage T-shirts or recipes for ghee and I love the dopamine rush of hearing I found another paying customer.

Charlie: Another customer for what? What are you selling?

Rob: Uh, don't worry about that, don't worry about that, Charlie.

Charlie: Are you selling ghee recipes? You know because why would you say that? If you aren't, you know ghee was oddly specific.

Glenn: It's probably at least ghee adjacent.

Charlie: It's absolutely in the ghee vicinity, right? That's what I'm picking up.


Charlie: Oh, there it goes.

Rob: Look at that, another sale, man, uh, it's- it's the guys has never been easier to sell and grow my dream business which you don't know what it is because I haven't really talked that much about it than it is with Shopify and their 24/7 support and libraries of free educational content helped me feel in command of my ghee empire.

Glenn: There it is, yeah. So whether you want to sell ghee recipes and share it with your friends or you wanna be super weird and secretive about it, either way sign up for a free trial at shopify.com/sunny. All lowercase.

Charlie: Go to shopify.com/sunny and start selling online today.

Rob: shopify.com/sunny. Get that ghee, get that ghee.

Glenn: For all you listeners and creeps guess what season is upon us. That's right, spooky season.

Meg: With spooky season comes the latest scary, soft Halloween collection for MeUndies.

Glenn: That fabric is so soft and so live. It actually does kind of scare the shit outta me sometimes because I feel like I put on no underwear at all.

Meg: Well, if you wanna live out Glenn's nightmare and discover just how comfy these MeUndies are yourself, you can get 20% off and free shipping on your first purchase for listening to this podcast.

Charlie: Yeah, no feeling monster mashed up down there with this stuff. You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about? You're not so mashed up on your monster.

Glenn: If you're a lazy creep who waits until the last minute to get in the spirit and needs an 11th-hour costume, MeUndies has your backbone. With their spooky skeleton loungewear set, lazy bones.

Charlie: The scary, soft hype is real everyone. If you're not impressed with MeUndies, your first pair is on us and that is a promise.

Meg: To get 20% off your first order and free standard shipping on US orders, go to MeUndies.com/sunny.

Glenn: That's MeUndies.com/sunny go creep it out.

Dr. Kipper: Iron. So the body needs iron to make red blood cells and so there's two measures of iron. The first one is the actual iron content, uh, a tie for second place, 177. Um-


Meg: Rob and Charlie are tied.

Dr. Kipper: -beat out by 82. You didn't have one.

Rob: Oh.

Meg: Oh.

Dr. Kipper: I didn't find--

Glenn: Well, that is different for women though, isn't it? Theirs is usually lower because of menstruation, correct?

Dr. Kipper: Absolutely right.

Meg: Oh.

Glenn: So it's actually a little unfair even if she did. [crosstalk]

Rob: Seems so clever that he does know what he's talking about.

Glenn: What?

Rob: All these years we've been making fun of him and he's- he knows exactly what he's talking about.

Dr. Kipper: You know your iron, you know-- that's exactly right.

Rob: It was hard, like every time Dr. Kipper says something, Glenn's nodding like he'd know. We kind of- we should be paying attention to him.

Glenn: I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not.

Rob: I'm not.


Rob: You're running away with-with the men- with the male title.

Meg: That one I believe we're giving so iron, or are we giving a point to Rob and Charlie then?

Charlie: No, no.

Glenn: Me.

Rob: No, no, Gle-Glenn.

Charlie: No, no, no, no.

Meg: Oh, Glenn.

Charlie: We're in last place, to be clear.

Rob: We're tied for last.

Meg: To be clear, Glenn go and gets the Iron Point. The Iron Point. That's good.

Glenn: Ironman.

Meg: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: Here is where Charlie wins, this is the PSA.

Charlie: Yes.

Dr. Kipper: It's the prostate antigen. So as we get older, our PSA goes up, uh, goes up in cancer, goes up and it goes up as we age because the prostate gland gets bigger. It's just an enzyme that the gland makes. If there's activity in the gland, uh, if you are hypersexual or you change your sexual pattern. You're very sexual and then you stop and then you start again. Those transitions can raise the PSA. So this again is in context. You have to look at how this- how this works. Also, anybody have a family history of prostate cancer?

Glenn: No.

Charlie: No.

Rob: Yes, but like very late in life.

Dr. Kipper: Okay, so that's not- we don't [chuckles] We're not even sure that's a cancer.

Rob: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: At that point, we don't even treat those.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: But, um, the winner is-- I'm so happy to say this.


Dr. Kipper: Charlie at 0.25.

Charlie: Yes.

Dr. Kipper: Um, and Rob, you were 1.86. Glenn, you were 0.37. So those are good numbers. Those are all really good numbers.

Glenn: That's all good.

Charlie: The best butt number.


Glenn: Who's got the best butt?

Charlie: It was mine.

Dr. Kipper: That's right.

Rob: That's good, man.

Charlie: Thank you, man.

Meg: That's great.

Charlie: Thank you. It's hard to believe.

Glenn: How are you releasing all the pressure in there?


Rob: Yeah, is there- are you-are you manipulating it in some way?

Charlie: Sexual consistency. Yes, sexual consistency.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: Yeah, see I'm all over the place, maybe that's what it means.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Kipper: Well, that is- none of you had a bad number. So the results are good numbers.


Dr. Kipper: Vitamins, vi-vitamin B9, which is called folate. Uh, again, it's another B vitamin. The B vitamins are-are important. As we get older, the B vitamins get absorbed in one very specific part of the small intestine. As we get older, that absorption site, in the small intestine. In some people can wear out and so people lose vitamin B as they get older, especially B12. And if you lose B12 you get a lot of neurologic symptoms. So, um, you guys are young, your vitamin, uh, B levels are fine. Actually, the-the B12, here are the numbers on the B12. Glenn, do you supplement with-with B vitamin?

Glenn: Yeah, I have to. Well, I don't- I have the MT- the MTHFR mutation.

Dr. Kipper: Oh, oh.

Glenn: So I don't-I' don't methylate well. Uh, so I have to take a methylation supplement that includes, uh, B vitamins in it. Otherwise, I don't, like I can't get it from my food.

Dr. Kipper: So you're a little bit above normal, which is fine. I mean you-you know, you're 1169. When people get into the 2000 range and a lot of people do because they [chuckles] they eat nothing but B vitamins.

Glenn: Just [crosstalk].

Dr. Kipper: You gotta-you gotta put the brakes on those people, but you're fine. And, uh, you are all in a good range, and there is no advantage of having more or less. So there's really no winner in this category but-

Meg: Oh.

Dr. Kipper: -Charlie, you were 392. Rob, 896, and Meg you were 3-- 434. So you-- you're all fine with your- with-with that.

Meg: But I heard you say no winner.

Rob: Yeah, there's no winner.

Meg: So does that mean Glenn doesn't get a point for this round then?

Rob: Yeah, because there's no benefit to having more.

Charlie: Glenn, tell us about this methylation and your offcasting or whatever.


Meg: What are you doing?

Glenn: Uh--

Rob: He's paying a lot more attention to his health. That is for sure, but we've always known that.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Yeah. It's some sort of a genetic, uh, situation that I have that, uh, I don't fully, totally understand it. Uh, you could probably explain it better than I could, but I just don't, um, you know, uh, [chuckles] I don't- I don't-- I'm not even totally sure what methylating is, but I don't methylate certain vitamins and I know folate is one of them, right, or?

Dr. Kipper: Methylation is something that-that the body does in its metabolism to break certain things down. And, um, there are different forms of this. You said you had a--

Glenn: I've got two SNPs.

Dr. Kipper: Yeah.

Glenn: Two MTHFR SNPs.

Dr. Kipper: It-it actually has some- it-it actually has some relevance in pregnancy.

Glenn: Yeah, right.

Dr. Kipper: And not gonna happen at this table but if you--

Rob: It's not gonna happen at that table either.


Rob: That's been- that's been made abundantly clear, Glenn does not want kids.

Charlie: Yeah, by choice.

Rob: Oh yeah.

Charlie: Well unless it does happen, then you'll be forced to go through with it.


Meg: No.

Dr. Kipper: The ability to hold on to a pregnancy-

Charlie: Not yet.

Dr. Kipper: -if you've got this genetic defect.

Glenn: Right.

Dr. Kipper: How did you fig-- How did you know to do that? Who checked you?

Glenn: Know to-to-to check for that?

Dr. Kipper: Yeah.

Glenn: Uh, I mean I go see a, uh, functional medicine doctor.

Dr. Kipper: Oh good. That's good.

Glenn: You know we do this kind of stuff all the time.

Dr. Kipper: Yeah and that--

Glenn: It's like a hobby to me. Like I know, you know, these guys are giving me shit for it because they say [chuckles] that I'm not- I don't enjoy my life because I-I-I pay so much attention to what I eat and stuff, but the truth is, um, I- it's a-it's a kind of a hobby for me. Like I find- I find- I don't know, eating a certain way and just trying to dial in all the numbers and health and stuff. I just find it kind of interesting.

Dr. Kipper: It-it's an amazing machine that we have. I mean the way these things work on a cellular level and on- it's crazy to me, how all this stuff not only works but integrates with everything else.

Glenn: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: So it-it is-it is fascinating. And then how it plays out in people's personalities because you can have the same metrics but you can have different, um, you know, different mental health issues.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: You can have different activity levels. You can, so.

Charlie: Well then there's a nature versus nurture aspect of that too.

Dr. Kipper: Yes.

Charlie: I would imagine, where just the way you're raised or your environment or whatever is gonna play along.

Glenn: And now as we're learning your gut biome, is a- is just a huge.

Dr. Kipper: Your gut biome is-

Glenn: Playing the huge role on all of that-

Dr. Kipper: -is the role.

Glenn: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: Is the king of that.

Glenn: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: What's really fascinating- so the-the-the mi-mi-microbiome is located between the small intestine and the large intestine. That's where your appendix is. So there's this two-inch little organ called the cecum. In the cecum is where all these bacterial colonies live. And-and they're all predetermined again by your genetics, by your epigenetics, but the amount and the relative values of these bacteria, viruses, fungi, they will dictate your neurotransmitter levels.

Glenn: Right?

Dr. Kipper: Which is what happens in, uh, in controlling your behavior.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: Uh, they will influence your immunity. They will influence- they influence pretty much everything that gets run through the system and-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kipper: -how the system runs. So when you take an antibiotic, you're going to distort the microbiome a little bit and that's gonna- it may kill the bacteria that's in your system, but it's gonna also make the microbiome a little unhappy. Um, so any-any medicine that you take is gonna have some effect there.

Meg: Have they done any studies on whether picturing a dog pooping will help you poop better? Because we were talking about that the other day.

Glenn: Yeah, what are the scientific studies on like if you're constipated and you wanna use, you know, imagery to sort of coax your doo-doo outta your-outta your butthole.


Glenn: Uh, just picturing a dog pooping does that, uh, have any--


Dr. Kipper: I have to-- I like the word doo-doo. I haven't heard that, in a long time.


Charlie: Yeah, yeah, it's good.

Glenn: It's been a while since I used it.

Charlie: You should write a book.

Glenn: I'm gonna write a book.

Dr. Kipper: I think it would affect you in some way. I think it depends on the person and the-the dog.

Meg: It definitely depends on the person.

Glenn: The power of the individual's imagination, and yeah.

Rob: Okay.

Meg: Okay, so we have only got about 15 minutes left with Dr. Kipper. [crosstalk] He has to--

Glenn: Oh, he's gotta go.


Meg: It's not your time, it's his time.

Dr. Kipper: We'll move out of the doo-doo into the- into the bone marrow. The bone marrow makes a red blood cell, a white blood cell, and a platelet. The red cells carry oxygen. The white cells fight infection and the platelets are the things that form scabs when you cut yourself. You guys were all fine on all of this. On the white blood cells, if you got an inf- a bacterial infection, that number would go up. If you got a viral infection, those numbers go down. Normal's between four and 10. You're 4.1 Charlie. Rob, you were 7.3. Again, these are all normal numbers. Glenn, you were 5.7, and Meg, you were 7.1.

Charlie: So you are- the lowest- the lowest is better?

Dr. Kipper: Um, in a- in a setting like this, I would say the lowest is the best.

Charlie: That's a point.

Dr. Kipper: That's one for Charlie.

Glenn: Would you say that-that could potentially be an indicator that his body is actually fighting less pathogens? Negative pathogens and that's why it is--

Rob: Why is it that he's fighting more?

Glenn: Well, if his numbers are low--

Dr. Kipper: If he was fighting more virus-

Rob: Yes.

Dr. Kipper: -it would lower it.

Glenn: Oh, oh.

Rob: Yes.

Dr. Kipper: It's still in the normal range.

Rob: Right, but it could mean that he's riddled the virus.

Glenn: It could mean that he's riddled the virus.


Charlie: It could.

Rob: That's right. The red cell is interesting. You guy- you- The three of you guys were so close. So a red blood cell carries oxygen. In a non-smoking adult, those numbers are anywhere. They're generally around 15. Uh, you can see them up to 18, uh, as you- smokers tend to be in the higher range. People with big barrel chests have a higher number, um, so.

Glenn: [chuckles] Wow.


Meg: Do you wanna win or lose now?


Dr. Kipper: Charlie, you were 16.7. Rob, you were 16.4. You were 16.0, and you were 14.0. So the winner is--

Meg: Aww, Charlie again, the naughty boy.

Glenn: Oh, so higher is better?

Dr. Kipper: Yeah, higher is better but--

Glenn: Oh, Charlie day.

Rob: He's coming into his own.

Charlie: You know that it is- it's my blood cells, are really good.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.


Charlie: You know what I mean? That's kind of everything when it comes to health.

Rob: Yeah.


Meg: It's true, you know?

Rob: I'd go with that.

Charlie: I mean if your blood cells are bad, you're like really sick and shit, right?

Glenn: You're like not.

Rob: Yeah. [crosstalk]

Dr. Kipper: Coming up from behind. You've got a-you've got a good bone marrow because you also won the platelet race.

Charlie: Fuck yeah.

Glenn: Nice, buddy.

Rob: Nice, buddy.

Charlie: Coming in late.

Glenn: You got good blood.

Charlie: Thanks, man.


Glenn: Thanks, man. [laughs]

Charlie: Thanks, bro.


Dr. Kipper: You're that horse coming around the turn.

Charlie: Come on.

Glenn: Yeah, look at that.

Charlie: Come on Seabiscuit.


Charlie: It's three points on blood.

Rob: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Three points on blood alone seems a little unfair.

Meg: And so our current health points score is Rob with four, Charlie with five, Glenn with eight, and Meg with six.

Dr. Kipper: The electrolytes. I'll-I'll go through, you're all normal. Um, sodium, potassium, and calcium. So sodium and potassium for all of you guys were normal. 138, 140, 144. Those are perfectly normal numbers.

Glenn: Is the higher number better or the lower?


Rob: Do we wanna be higher or lower?

Glenn: Do we wanna be higher or lower?

Dr. Kipper: You-you were talking about being hydrated, right?

Glenn: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: So when you're- when you're over-hydrated when too much, that number goes down because it dilutes down. So you actually need to hydrate a little bit more, so.


Charlie: Ohh.

Rob: Take one away from Glenn.

Glenn: Wait a minute.

Charlie: You had had a lot of coffee that day.

Dr. Kipper: The potassium, uh, again, it's a normal range. 4.3, 3.9, 4.2, 4.1. So having a 3.9 potassium is not a bad thing. Uh, if it was below 3.5, there'd be some question and some issue perhaps.

Charlie: The higher is better?

Dr. Kipper: Um, the higher is better until you get into the mid-fives.

Rob: That's not where you are.

Dr. Kipper: But it's- it doesn't mean it's better. It just means--

Charlie: Oh, you are with me?

Meg: Who-who had the highest? [crosstalk]

Glenn: Is it one of those things like that other thing where it does it-it doesn't matter as long as you're within a certain range or is there an actual advantage?

Dr. Kipper: Correct. Correct. Again, context, let's say you were sick and your potassium was low, right? And we have to give you supplements of potassium and then it comes higher. Well, you're higher because we gave it to you not because that's your net. These net- these are your natural.

Rob: There have been a couple of these already. What we've established is that Dr. Kipper has to pick whose potassium he would want.

Glenn: Ah, who's potassium do you want? That's the ultimate.

Dr. Kipper: All right, so if I had to pick. I would pick the number--

Glenn: Now there is an acceptable-- the an acceptable answer would be, any of them. You know what, I'm just saying. You don't have to--

Rob: Then we'd have to go back and redo the other ones.

Glenn: No, I'm just saying that-- yeah.



Charlie: What's the best potassium?

Glenn: If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Dr. Kipper: If I had to pick a best potassium, I would- if I wanted to design my own potassium, it would be like four and a half. You were 4.3. You were closest to that.

Glenn: Okay.

Dr. Kipper: So if I were to award--

Meg: A point for Charlie then.

Charlie: Well let's give Charlie a point then.

Glenn: Well thanks.

Charlie: I get a banana point for the potassium.


Meg: Good job, Charlie.

Dr. Kipper: Calcium, last one, and then we'll get to the male stuff. Um.

Meg: Don't look, stop looking. You guys are really competitive. [laughs]

Dr. Kipper: You guys are very close on the calcium and it's not about high or low, but if we went for the higher score. Um, Charlie gets that one. He was 10.1.

Glenn: Well, whose calcium level do you want, right? Let's continue to use that metric.

Dr. Kipper: I'll-I'll tell you whose calcium level I would want. I would want-- I would take all, any of these. Um, Rob and Glenn were 9.6. Meg was 9.5, you were 10.1. Um, I'd probably take the 10.1

Rob: Charlie might have won this thing in the end.

Glenn: I know right? [crosstalk]

Charlie: The potassium and the calcium and the--

Glenn: Well, my blood really ran outta steam.

Rob: Yeah, you started strong.

Glenn: I started real strong.

Charlie: Meg went out for good. [crosstalk]

Glenn: The whole fucking time, man.

Charlie: Okay people here, at the Always Sunny podcast. You know, we love doing things with ease, okay? That's why we're glad our friends at Manscaped, are joining us for a fresh ball fall.

Rob: That's right. Fresh ball fall is defined as the season of pumpkin spice and making sure you're crotch looks nice.

Glenn: It's great for when you wanna sip cider, in an autumn breeze. Trim your balls with ease.


Rob: Right now. Are you, are you trimming your balls outdoors in a-- in public in this scenario?

Glenn: It's unclear, maybe. You see Manscaped is-is here to make sure that your foliage isn't the only thing that's, uh, shedding its excess leaves. [laughs]

Rob: Even mother nature knows it's time to lose that excess clutter. I know when I use my lawnmower 4.0 body hair trimmer from their 10-part platinum package. I feel a lot more in sync with the season, the moon, you name it.

Glenn: Like a creature of the forest, a werewolf perhaps.

Charlie: Like something outta the Twilight movies.

Rob: That's right.


Rob: Yeah. I'm-I'm-I'm constantly, uh, comparing myself to the Twilight movies.


Glenn: Yeah, you are actually.

Charlie: Look, basically, I mean, do you have a lot of pubic hair and you need to get rid of it? Use-use Manscaped. I mean it's a lot of gobble too good to try to, you know, just be like, "Look, this stuff's gonna help you trim your pubes."


Glenn: Right.

Charlie: So you're gonna get 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com when you use the code, Sunny.

Rob: Manscaped, clear out the leaves. It's your tree trunk's time to shine. In some cases, it's more of a shrink than a trunk. So recently we went on tour and, um, we blasted our audience in the face with t-shirts.

Glenn: Yeah, get blasted.

Rob: We only had two t-shirt cannons and we would've been able to blast way more faces with way more shirts if we had another cannon operator.

Charlie: Ooh. Now that sounds like a job for ZipRecruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day, man.

Glenn: Aah.

Charlie: Hiring, it can be so tiring.

Glenn: No, well, okay. I mean, I was just kidding with the singing. We-we don't have to sing a whole.

Rob: I've been desiring more efficiency.

Charlie: More efficiency. Is that where you're going with that, Rob?

Rob: Yeah, yeah, sort of.

Glenn: Okay, okay. So we're going for it here. All right. I get tired and feeble trying to find the right people. Was that good?

Rob: Well, sounds you like you're saying, "Pee pull."

Charlie: I heard, "Pee paw," yeah. When you go to ZipRecruiter.com/sunny.

Rob: Try them for free right now at ZipRecruiter.com/sunny.

Dr. Kipper: Uh, Meg, you win the testosterone contest.

Rob: Oh.

Dr. Kipper: I couldn't get that on your labs by the way.

Meg: Yeah, they wouldn't do it. Quest refused to test my testosterone unless ordered by a doctor.

Dr. Kipper: Yeah, they wouldn't do it.

Rob: Really?

Charlie: You ain't a man.

Meg: I know they wouldn't do it. They wouldn't take the order.

Glenn: No.

Dr. Kipper: But women make testosterone and we make estrogen and testosterone ultimately gets converted to estrogen. So, um, having said that-


Dr. Kipper: -the-the numbers are good and now obviously this is gonna be the highest is the winner and that would go to, Rob.

Rob: There I go.

Dr. Kipper: The most manly at the table.


Rob: The most masculine.

Charlie: Does age matter in testosterone?


Rob: Age does matter, right? Because I'm a little younger.

Dr. Kipper: Age matters. When you- that's a really great question and to your point, when you are in your early 50s and beyond, those numbers start to come down. That's nature's way of telling us not to procreate.

Rob: Yeah.

Dr. Kipper: And, um, so yes, I mean people-people do run out of steam as they get older.

Rob: [crosstalk] So what we're these guys have run out?

Charlie: So let's hear this out [laughs]

Dr. Kipper: Rob, you were 1131. Charlie, 744. Glenn, you were 26. [crosstalk]


You were 793.

Glenn: What-what was yours?

Charlie: What was I, 744?

Dr. Kipper: 744, 1131.

Rob: These should count for so many more points.

Charlie: No, hand on a second. Uh, I remember a year ago or so, I just came in just for a general physical in your office and you had said, 'Hey your testosterone was looking kind of low, but if you-you feel energy, you still have a sex drive, let's not do anything about it. Has it gone up? 'Cause I've done nothing to get it up.


Rob: So to speak.

Meg: I like that phrase.

Charlie: And it just keeps going up.

Dr. Kipper: I-I can't- I can't respond to that statement. But so testosterone has relates only really to libido. It doesn't- when you give people testosterone that are low in testosterone, they will say they feel stronger, they feel better, they're mentally more clear. There's never been any study that's proven that, and maybe there is truth to that. Not everything has to be a study or a database. But as these- one of the reasons that you're careful with supplementing testosterone is that, if you have a-a brewing cancer in your prostate.

Glenn: Mm.

Dr. Kipper: That's just starting to develop and you take testosterone, you're pouring water on a flower, it's-it's just gonna nurture it, so we're very cautious in prescribing testosterone. So unless someone was really complaining that they had no sex drive and-and that's when you supplement but then you have to watch their PSA really carefully. And if they had a family history of prostate cancer, you wouldn't supplement.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Well, it's just another point on the thing.

Meg: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah, but it just kind of makes me the most, masculine?

Meg: Well, I'll tell you, we'll see how manly you take this-

Charlie: Makes you the most horny.

Glenn: I came in last, I definitely came in last.

Meg: Um, you guys ready to hear the final scores?

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Let's do it.

Glenn: I got to pee real bad.

Meg: So in last place is Rob with five points.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Wow, hard to believe.

Rob: Could you repeat back that- the last one on the, yeah, just that-

Meg: The testosterone was, uh, 1, uh, 1,131.


Charlie: Yeah, but I had thousands of testosterones, which is pretty cool. [laughs]

Dr. Kipper: At this table that's them on the couch, right?

Rob: It's completely useless.

Charlie: It's a good metric.

Rob: It's completely useless.

Charlie: That's a good metric.

Meg: I am in next place, tied with the amount of asterisks at 6 points. Then tied for first currently, are Charlie and Glenn tied at 8.

Rob: That's, wow.

Meg: I think a tiebreaker should be your blood pressure right now.

Rob: Let's do, let's do the blood pressure, right let’s do it.

Charlie: Oh, yeah, wow that should be good.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: I absolutely win for having put zero effort into any of this-

Meg: That's true.

Charlie: -that should be a winner right there because I'm just living my life and not trying to make shit out of it. I had five beers yesterday. I'll tell you what, before we really start to jump on each other, the big picture is that everyone's numbers are good.

Dr. Kipper: You're all healthy.

Charlie: Everyone here's healthy.

Rob: We're pretty healthy?

Dr. Kipper: You're all very healthy.

Charlie: For vanities sake I'd like to get that BMI down a little bit but, yeah.

Rob: I'm-I'm happy that you guys are all healthy.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah man, same. I mean, I got spooked when I got a call from the blood company about the cholesterol, I was like, "Well, I'm-I'm done." But you're saying it's good.

Dr. Kipper: I'm saying it's good.

Meg: Okay, great.

Charlie: I still need to cut back on the hot [crosstalk].

Rob: But the blood pressure is high on all of us, that's fascinating.

Charlie: Nah, that machine was-- That machine was out of whack.

Rob: We're gonna see how much.

Dr. Kipper: Do you want your pressure taken?

Charlie: Yes, please.

Meg: Oh, okay.

Rob: Let's do it. Let's get the actual blood pressure taken.

Glenn: What do you mean?

Meg: Right now he's gonna test your-your blood pressure properly.

Rob: And then let's do all the tests.

Meg: And that's gonna be the tie breaker.

Rob: Let's come up with a bunch of different tests and do those too, this is fun. I ran four miles today.

Meg: Did you?

Dr. Kipper: There's another metric.

Rob: You know what I mean?

Charlie: Yeah, but-

Rob: It's like, it's good for-

Charlie: -you don't have the stress of the competition running on this like Glenn does. You know what I mean?


Glenn: Yeah, right right.

Charlie: So it's kind of not the same thing.

Rob: Lowest lower stakes for me.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: He's trying to make it about him, but, it's not.

Rob: I-I don't, I don't need to prove anything.

Meg: Oh, yeah.

Rob: Not with, not with 1100 testosterone-

Glenn: Calm down.

Rob: -Glenn's falling asleep.


He's getting his blood pressure down.

Meg: He's trying to get in his place.

Dr. Kipper: But I applaud you, Glenn, for taking good care of yourself. I mean it's very few people do that. You're the kind of guy I don't see in my office. 'Cause you're healthy.

Glenn: Right, Right, right, right. Not as healthy as Charlie though.

Dr. Kipper: No. Low pulse rate, 67. Blood pressures are very much the same. You're 123/78. You were 122 I think. Yeah, [crosstalk]

Meg: You have low blood pressure?

Rob: It's way better than last time.

Meg: Still Glenn now. This is the one that matters. If you can be 123/75 or a pulse of 67. This is exciting.

Rob: It's not- it's not that exciting. Let's not worry about it, just keep it down. Glenn's flexing his arm, let's keep that [crosstalk] right now.

Meg: Exciting.

Rob: Relax very relaxed. You are standing out on the green. It’s a nice even stroke. It's headed towards the hole and-

Dr. Kipper: 130, 83/8374 pulse.

Meg: I'm sorry that's not gonna be enough to be Charlie.

Dr. Kipper: It is one, two [crosstalk] Charlie.

Charlie: I am so relieved. I really thought I was gonna die.

Dr. Kipper: This is a normal blood pressure. This is a normal blood pressure.

Rob: Yeah. It is a normal blood pressure but it is not the best blood pressure. Oh, I believe I have the best blood pressure but it's not about me it's about our champion. [crosstalk] And the healthiest man at the podcast, Mr. Charlie Day. [applause]

Charlie: This is- this is why you are my doctor, um.

Glenn: Yeah, well.

Rob: But in asterisks all over the whole thing.

Charlie: [crosstalk] I'll tell you what. I am hugely relieved because we did the blood, uh, I just uh, uh, I had no work, as much as I was like, "I'll let it slide," and then, uh, you know. I get the call from the people then maybe cholesterol is high. I'm like, "I knew it, this it's-it's happening. Um, buddy, I'll put you at number one. I said it was gonna be you a tie between you and Meg and I was [crosstalk] that's all genetics. [crosstalk] that's all- that's all Tom and Mary day.

Meg: Yeah. Well, I wanna thank you so much for joining us.

Rob: Yes. [crosstalk]

Meg: Thank you, we have to kick you out so you can go help other people with non-podcast-based competitions.

Glenn: Yes. Thank you. [crosstalk] now is it, uh, that was a pleasure.

Rob: A round of applause for Dr. Kipper. Thank you.

Glenn: Thank you, sir.

Rob: It's awesome. And I love that you have like an old school.

Glenn: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Rob: Doctor bag from the 1860s.

Glenn: Is that a prop?

[End Credits]


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