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Episode #49

The Sweet Cream of Justice

We're irritated about our fancy things.

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49. The Sweet Cream of Justice

On the pod, Rob Justice returns to recount an altercation at an airport in France. 

Charlie Day: All right, Glenn, let's- let's get after it. What happened here, what happened?

Glenn Howerton: It's not a great story, man. It's really, like, I-I wish it was as radical as when I broke my collarbone snowboarding.


Glenn: But it so isn't. It was just, it was really embarrassing, actually. I was, uh, you know, I have a- I have a cat that's 20 years old. She's very, very old. And, uh, we've had her, I've-I've had her pretty much her whole life. Um, and then we got a couple of dogs, a couple of years ago.

Rob McElhenney: Did you kick the dog?

Glenn: I didn't kick the dog.

Rob: Did you kick the cat?

Glenn: [sighs]


Glenn: Are you trying to make my neck hurt?


Rob: Why does your neck hurt?

Glenn: Uh, not good. Well, that's the whole thing.

Charlie: Yeah, like your toe-- the toe-neck connection is--

Glenn: Oh, you didn't get this.


Glenn: Well, so-so, yeah, okay, right. So-so, I think I broke my toe yesterday, but then I woke up this morning and I-- and-and my neck was fucked up. [chuckles] So I was like, "Oh my God."

Rob: Oh, I didn't see that in the text. All I saw was-- were-were photos of your foot and I couldn't get past it.

Glenn: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, all right. So I'll get to the neck thing. But, uh, [chuckles] so, and it may-- maybe-maybe what happened, how I broke my toe is what triggered the neck, to begin with, or set-set me up for neck failure.

Rob: [laughs]

Megan Ganz: [laughs]

Glenn: But, uh, long story short, we have to put up a-a gate, right? So our house is divided in half. The cat has 1/2 of the house.


Megan: And then all of you live on the other side?

Glenn: And then the dogs on the--

Charlie: You've given the cat-- you've awarded the cat half your home?

Glenn: Well, [chuckles] the cat has not-- oh, the cats and dogs just-- they can't, you know-- [crosstalk]

Charlie: They're not living in harmony.

Glenn: We, the humans [crosstalk]--

Rob: The cats and dogs, they can't live together.

Glenn: They can't, they just can't live together in-in-in-in some circumstances. And when cats and dogs do live together, uh, peacefully, is that I-I-I always imagine that's because the dog was there-- either the dog and the cat came at the same time. Or, uh, and the cat was a kitten--

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Or the dogs were there first.

Charlie: Mm-hmm. That's what I've got.

Glenn: And then the cat comes into the home.

Rob: Yeah. We've got a very harmonious household-

Glenn: And the cat's like, "Okay, what am I--"

Rob: -that's the situation.

Charlie: Same. Dogs and cats are getting along just fine, but dogs were there first-

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -cat came in.

Rob: But when the cat came in, was introduced in our house, the cat kicked the dog's ass.

Charlie: Same, same.

Rob: Like-like, I mean, big time.

Charlie: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Then es-- established dominance.

Glenn: Absolutely.

Charlie: Same.

Rob: And now it's-it's stasis. [crosstalk]

Charlie: - Yeah. Our cat-- my cat was like, "I'm from the streets." You know, like, "Bap." And the dogs were like, "I'm from somewhere fancy. I don't know."


Charlie: I don't know where I'm from.

Glenn: I'm from the lab.

Rob: Genetically created.

Charlie: I'm from their wombs.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. My cat is 20, so she can't do that.

Charlie: No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: She doesn't have the ability to do that. And my-my dogs just look at her, and they're just like, "Oh, delicious." Uh, or, "I just wanna play with that-

Charlie: Yeah, I wanna-

Glenn: -thing or whatever." You know, so.

Charlie: -get it riled up.

Glenn: Anyway, so we gotta keep them separated. Um, and, uh, and so we have the-- a dog gate, and the dog gate's not that hard to step over, you know, but it's a little awkward, and sometimes you snag your toe on it.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Right? Or whatever, like you just kind of kick it a little bit and you're like, it's annoying. And then you just keep moving. Uh--

Charlie: [laughs]

Rob: I'm gonna guess that that enrages you.

Glenn: Yeah.


Rob: When it happens, it enrages you, right?


Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: No, I know the feeling. I've tripped over that thing a couple of times. And your first reaction is like, "Why the fuck is--"

Glenn: You're like, "[sighs] God, I-- Mm, I hate this fucking gate." Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: In this particular instance, though, I really caught the fo-- almost the whole foot.

Rob: Were you moving at a good clip?

Glenn: I was carrying a bunch of stuff. Had a bunch of stuff in my hands.

Charlie: Oh, Jesus. Did it go flying everywhere in a humorous way?


Glenn: Yeah, I wa-- Yes, actually it did.

Charlie: Oh, well that's good.


Glenn: I was carrying-- I had a- I had a wa-- a metal, like a, you know, a stainless steel water bottle and something else. [chuckles]

Charlie: So you got a good clang when you dropped it.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. [laughs] So, wait, what was even better though is that Jill had a suitcase. Like, right near where I was falling, also [chuckles] that was upright. So I trip over the gate, I fall. I'm basically doing a faceplant. Right? The water bottle goes flying out of my hand. It-it clangs super loud onto the ground. The only thing that saves me is the suitcase.

I grab the suitcase. So instead of having to land on the hard ground, I-I like, you know, grab the suitcase, and just, like, landed on the suitcase with my hands. You know what I mean? And I was like, uh, you know, Jill comes firing out of the- out of the office. She's on a phone call, and she's like, "Something happened, something happened."


Glenn: And then she comes firing out of the office and she's like- she's like, "Are you okay?" And I was like- I was like, "Yeah, I just, I tripped over the gate." I was like, "I-I-I hate that fucking gate." I think I, you know, cursed at the gate a little bit, but I was like, "No, but I'm-- I-I think I'm okay. I'm all-all right. I'm fine." And I was with my buddy, uh, Rich Appel, 'cause we were doing a writing session.

And Rich-Rich is just laughing at me. Um, and I was like, "Okay. No, I think I'm- I think I'm fine." I'm like, "I hate that fucking gate. We gotta get-- why can't-- [sighs]. All right. Whatever." And then so, Rich and I go downstairs to-to-to-to my office, to-to work. And all of a sudden, like I just start, I'm like, "Oh, there's something wrong with that toe."

Charlie: Oh, man.

Glenn: And then I looked at it and there was like a little, like it looked like it was kind of jutting out on the side, a little blight. Like-like maybe I-I don't know, like maybe I-

Rob: Broke it.

Glenn: -broke it. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I broke the toe. I don't know how the toe got broken, by the way. I didn't land on the toe. I didn't-- that's not even what got snagged on the gate.

Rob: Were you barefoot?

Glenn: No, I was wearing, like slides. [laughs]

Rob: Did they go flying as well?


Rob: Oh, do you have cameras?

Glenn: No. No, I think--

Rob: You have- you have like security cameras and shit, right?

Glenn: Not inside.

Rob: I would love to find this video.

Glenn: No, no, no. I don't have them inside.

Rob: Oh.

Glenn: We drew the line at having security cameras inside.

Rob: Yeah, that's right.

Glenn: We were like, "That's just creepy."

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Um, I don't think the shoes went flying. I think I managed to keep the-the slides on. Uh, and maybe that's what broke my toe.

Rob: [chuckles]

Glenn: I-I don't know, but it's a-- And then I woke up this morning, it was, yeah. That was-- I sent you guys the picture-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -maybe we should put it on the podcast.

Rob: We'll put that on the pod.

Glenn: It's pretty gross.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: It's pretty nasty.

Megan: We've been saying we wanna-

Charlie: Yeah.

Megan: -get more feet on this podcast, right?

Rob: We gotta get more feet on this podcast.

Glenn: [chuckles] Yeah, yeah. We used-- established that people are obsessed with, uh, people's feet, so yeah, why not? And then I woke up this morning. Totally unrelated, possibly. And just, it was like-like, it was like one of those things where, you know, you're 46 years old, and, uh, my alarm goes off and, you know, I-I go to get up out of bed and I was like, "Oh, ugh." I was like, "Oh, shit."


Glenn: So now, I'm walking around my house, like trying to get ready to come here this morning.

Charlie: All jacked up today.

Glenn: And I'm like, "I can't." I'm-I'm actually wa-- I can walk fine. But it-- it's slowing me down a little bit. 'Cause, like, I make, whatever. Talk about me the whole time.

Megan: [chuckles]

Glenn: Let's just move on to something else.


Rob: I drank a lot last night.

Charlie: Really?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Again? Oh, 'cause you went out-

Rob: I went out, but I didn't--

Glenn: -pre-- post-Emmy parties.

Rob: Yes. Kaitlin wanted to go. Kaitlin was nominated for an Emmy. And I-- we did not go to the Emmys, but we went to the-- she wanted to go to the after parties.

Glenn: To be clear, she was not nominated for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, because that doesn't happen.

Rob: No, that's im-- that's impossible.

Glenn: She was nominated for Hacks.

Rob: Yes. Um, and so we went to the after-party, but it didn't start until 9:00 or 9:30. Now, I'm-I'm usually in bed.

Glenn: At 9:30.

Rob: 10 o'clock I'm in, I'm down for the count.

Charlie: Yeah. That's a late start to a party. That's like-

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: -at this point in life-

Rob: It's late.

Charlie: -you gotta-- and it's the school night. Right? So you know you're gonna have to get up early. [crosstalk]

Rob: It's a school night. We-we both had to get up- we both had to get up nice and early.

Charlie: But will that--

Glenn: Didn't have a hotel room? You didn't get the- get the nanny or babysitter to--

Rob: No.

Glenn: -spend the night with the kiddos?

Charlie: What time did you guys leave that Sunday night party?

Rob: Oh.

Glenn: Oh, late-late, 12:30. Oh, actually I have an amazing story about that, but I want-- I'll-I'll-I'll tell that later. Go ahead.

Megan: [chuckles]

Rob: Well, wait-- I was just commiserating with how-how-how I was feeling. I'm actually feeling okay, but-

Glenn: So, you-you-you're-

Rob: -I drank a lot.

Glenn: -a little hungover?

Rob: I drank an entire Manhattan before I left the house because-

Glenn: Sure. [chuckles]

Rob: -because why not?

Glenn: Yeah, you pre-gamed.

Charlie: Because it was past Manhattan time.

Rob: It was past Manhattan time. I mean, it was [crosstalk]--

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: Not only, like I want--

Glenn: The body-- your body is starting- is starting to get the shakes.

Charlie: Your body is like, "Um, hello-


Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: -where's our Manhattan, Rob?"

Rob: What's-what's going on? Now, usually, you drink a Manhattan and go to sleep. Well, now I'm drinking a Manhattan, I'm going out.

Glenn: This man's unable to have-- to like, go through a night without having a Manhattan.

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: So what time do you usually have your Manhattan?

Rob: I-I usually have it around seven o'clock.

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: It's about-- it's like 6:40. At 6:45, my body's like, "Okay, you know, where is it?" 7:00, it's like, "Yeah. Now, it's time." 6-- 7:15, it's pissed.

Glenn: Yeah. You-you need you're-you're-you're starting to--

Megan: With food? After dinner?

Rob: No, I eat dinner. I eat dinner first.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Rob: So it's on a- it's on a full stomach. But it's a good three shots of whiskey plus--

Megan: Oh, I've seen your Manhattans.

Rob: Yeah, yeah. Three-three-

Glenn: Three shots?

Rob: -something about it's-- I don't actually measure it, but--

Glenn: Now, when you say three shots, are we talking-

Charlie: It's about a--

Glenn: -one and a half ounce shots?

Rob: It's a-

Glenn: Or we talking about one-ounce shots?

Charlie: It's like a blue hole-size bootleg.

Rob: Yeah, it's like a blue hole.

Megan: [laughs] Yeah, it's fishbowl size.

Rob: I fill it up, as we've discussed, I fill it up to the brim, but it's bigger than those glasses there. It's-it's-it's three shots to-to one. So it's three shots of, um, of bourbon and one shot of vermouth, and I can handle that. Um, so I'm feeling pretty good when I go to the party.

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: But then I had-

Glenn: You had--

Rob: -four old-old fashioneds.

Charlie: At the party?

Rob: At the- at the party.

Megan: Four old fashioneds?

Rob: Two-- I went to two parties. I went to the after party--

Glenn: Looking for a hangover.

Megan: Ah, the sugar of that, gross.

Rob: I know.

Glenn: I-I-I think of the sugar in that. And the brown--

Rob: I metabolize alcohol differently now. I-I don't know what's going on.

Glenn: So do I- so do I- so do I. And I--

Rob: I can just drink, and drink, and drink. I don't know what's going on.

Glenn: Oh-oh-oh, mine's gotten worse.

Rob: Oh, mine's gotten better.

Charlie: I've gone the opposite way.

Rob: Yeah. Mine's gotten better. I don't- I don't know what's-- I feel fine.

Glenn: Oh, that's disturbing.

Charlie: I was dead. On Monday morning, I woke up just being like, "What was I thinking, man? It's a school day. I gotta get- I gotta get the kid to school." Like, I'm like, "I'm-- I can't- I can't drive a car."

Glenn: So for the listener, what we're talking about is there's a- there's a big pre-Emmy party that happens, uh, the Sunday night before the Emmys. And we, uh, went to this, uh, went to this party. And, you know, you see a bunch of friends that you haven't seen in a really long time and you get after it.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Which we don't do very often these days 'cause--

Rob: No. This-this year the party was very loud.

Glenn: There was some live music.

Rob: Snoop Dogg performed. That was very cool. 50 Cent performed. That was very cool.

Glenn: Yep. And they-- and it sounded great, but it was a little harder to socialize.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: And, uh--

Rob: And, uh, you can hear it in my voice. That's not the alcohol. That's me screaming over the-

Glenn: That's same here.

Rob: -the concert. So that's two nights in a row that-that we went out.

Glenn: Yeah. So what we were screaming over the music-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -you know, uh, that night. And then, you know, I broke my toe and screamed about that's more, and ruined my voice even more, which is why my voice is messed up. And then something else happened that I screamed about too, but we won't get into that. [laughter]

Charlie: But, what was your great story at the party? You said you had-

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -an amazing--

Glenn: It's not. Okay, well I-I'm- I'm- I'm building it up too much, but, uh, this is amazing, so-so, um, you know, F-FX was kind enough to provide us with a- with a-a car, okay? What time did you leave the party?

Rob: At that night?

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Uh, 11:30, something like that.

Glenn: Okay, what time did you leave?

Charlie: Yeah, like midnight or something like that, yeah.

Glenn: Okay, okay. So, the party was supposed to go to midnight, right, so my car was booked apparently to midnight, so we left at 12:30, my car was fucking gone.


Glenn: And I'm texting the guy and he's like- he was like- he was like, "No, you were supposed to- I was supposed to drop you off at midnight." And I was like, "Buddy, I don't have a curfew.

Megan: [laughs]

Glenn: What the fuck are you talking about?"

Charlie: Oh, wait a second, yeah. Uh, same thing for me, so, uh, we left and now I'm piecing it together-


Charlie: -but we left at like 11:50 and the guy is like, "Good, I'm glad you're leaving because you have the car to midnight." And he was very- he was really a scary like sized man-


Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -and he was a very sweet guy. And he kind of like was he liked me and Mary Elizabeth, so he like was staying a little bit later for us, but, yeah, they-they were like, you know, there's like a pumpkin effect where like, you know, like at midnight-

Megan: Cinderella?

Charlie: -this thing is gone and-and you're--

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, you're--

Glenn: I couldn't believe it. We're walking out of this party, you know, it's- it's- it's a very fancy Emmy party. Everybody is dressed up and cocktailed, everybody has got like, you know, like talk about champagne problems, Jesus Christ.

Rob: I-I mean, I wouldn't--

Glenn: It's unbelievable.

Rob: This is exactly--

Glenn: It's unbelievable.

Rob: Uh, this reminds me of the last episode when we re- the one of the tweets was something about how like-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -these tired old actors live their lives, this is- this is--

Glenn: Hey, this is what you get, guys, you know? Don't--

Charlie: You don't have to watch it and, if-

Glenn: You don't have to watch this shit, if you don't--

Charlie: -it's not entertaining to you, but we're irritated about our fancy things. [laughs]

Glenn: Listen, my-my--

Charlie: We're hungover, we're tired.

Rob: I know you're on your way to work right now and you're listening to this and you're- and you're about to get up on a roof for eight hours, okay?

Glenn: Yeah, and I get that. I get that.

Rob: But, Glenn's limousine left-


Glenn: My-- [laughs]

Rob: -the party that he was at.

Glenn: [laughs] Yeah.

Megan: And couldn't take him back-

Charlie: Listen, listen though-

Megan: -to his house-

Charlie: -don't give me the discount car.

Megan: -that's so big he can give half of it-

Charlie: Don't give me it, if it pumpkins at noon-

Megan: -to a cat.

Charlie: -uh, at midnight.

Glenn: This is- this is insane like--

Rob: [laughs] His house is so big he give- he gives half of it to a cat-

Megan: Yeah.

Rob: -and the other half to a dog.

Megan: Yep.

Glenn: And then I go-

Megan: And his limousine left early.

Glenn: -by the way, I don't know if you also caught this, but Jill came out of her office because she was concerned about me and then I went down to my office.

Megan: [laughs] Oh, it's separate?

Glenn: So, two offices in one house.

Rob: In a furnished basement.

Charlie: And rented for California because that's an earthquake nightmare.

Rob: Yeah, that's fair.

Charlie: That's- that can- that can become a tomb, you know, that's--

Glenn: No, no, there's- there are- there are- we-we've got escape hatches, don't worry about it.

Megan: [laughs]

Glenn: Uh.

Rob: He's had escape hatches put into his domicile.


Glenn: No, you have to.

Charlie: This is a man with tunnels, moats.

Glenn: That's code- that's code, baby. That's code, you got to have- you got to have an escape route, but it's embarrassing, you know, it's all these fancy people here, you know, you're- you're walking out of the party and you see a lot of your friends. They're all walking out and everybody is getting into their cars. I see Paul Walter Hauser there again and I'm like- and-and Jill was like, "Hey, maybe we can jump in with Paul?" And I was like, "That's just- that's embarrassing."

I was like, "I can't do that, man." So, we called an Uber, an Uber Black.

Megan: [chuckles]

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: An Uber SUV.

Rob: And it- did that take you home?

Glenn: Uh, yeah, and it got there in one minute and-and it took us to the hotel-

Rob: Oh, great. Oh, yeah, sorry.

Glenn: -because we were still- we were smart enough to get a hotel room that night-

Rob: Sure.

Glenn: -because we didn't want to have to wake up and take the kids to school.

Rob: S-Sure.

Glenn: So, we had--

Rob: Was this like the Four Seasons or something in that?

Glenn: I-I don't know how you pronounce it, so--

Rob: So, somewhere in Beverly Hills?

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: The weird thing about those after parties though, man, lots of upset people-

Glenn: Oh. Oh, really?

Rob: -pretending like they weren't. Oh, yeah.

Glenn: Oh, you can feel that there's a palpable--

Charlie: Oh, upset that they--

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: There's a palpable disappointment and sadness, is there?

Rob: There's, uh, because, look, here's- here's the-the truth of it, there is, not that we would really know, but in talking to many friends who are nominated year after year after year who don't win-

Glenn: Oh, oh.

Rob: -we act, so we're- we're never invited to the part, fine, or--

Glenn: We're never even nominated, so--

Rob: Yeah, which-which--

Charlie: We're not even asked to like-

Rob: No, no.

Charlie: -present an award.

Rob: Which-which pisses us off to a certain extent, but it frees us up that night as opposed to people that get dressed up starting-

Glenn: Oh.

Rob: -at two o'clock in the afternoon because it's West Coast time.

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: It's 100 degrees, they go there, they sit there and the first, second, third award of the night is presented, they don't get it and they got to sit there for three-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: -hours.

Glenn: These poor people.

Charlie: Oh.

Glenn: Listen, all you guys that are on your way to work this morning-


Glenn: -you know, doing-

Charlie: You don't know what it's like-

Glenn: -your roofing, your plumbing.

Charlie: -to have to be brought to a fancy party and-and given a free beautiful dress or tux and--

Glenn: Yes, it's-- Yeah, it's air-conditioned in there, but it's too cold-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -and it's not--

Rob: And your tux is a little-

Glenn: Your tux is a little tight-

Rob: -a little tight.

Glenn: -because you want it to fit, right?

Rob: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Because you've been stress eating because you think you're gonna win some big award and have to give a speech.

Glenn: Or you're starving because you've been starving yourself to fit into your tuxedo-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -or your dress-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: -and in so you're suffering in that regard and then, there, you got to sit there and listen to some, uh, funny stand-up comedian, you know, present all these awards and, uh, boy, I tell you, it's- it's just like- it's just like plumbing.


Glenn: You know what I mean?

Rob: I'll say I watched a little bit of it because, um, because Kaitlin was on a show that was nominated and, uh, Keenan was the host. He was really funny.

Glenn: Oh, Keenan was there?

Charlie: Keenan is amazing.

Glenn: Oh, that Keenan.

Rob: He was really funny.

Charlie: Keenan is amazing.

Glenn: I love him.

Rob: I thought he was really, really funny.

Charlie: Yeah, and a great guy.

Rob: But, man, how unbelievably self-congratulatory is the entire bro--? I mean, that's what the whole thing is anyway, but man, it is like an a-- they won't even have editors on the show.

Charlie: Arbitrary awards for imaginary achievements.

Rob: Sure.


Charlie: I mean, it's absolutely, I mean, really, it's like--

Megan: Yes, it's true.

Charlie: You can't-- there's no way to qualify it.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: You know, like,-- so, if you win a green jacket for-for the Masters, you won that mother fucking thing.

Rob: Yeah- yeah- yeah- yeah.

Charlie: You showed up for four days, and you got the ball in the hole in less shots than anybody else, and there's no disputing it.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Like,-

Rob: Well, there's--

Charlie: -you win any kind of acting award, and you're like, I don't know, like,-- how can you win like best comedy actor, and then like, leave a party and bump into Danny McBride? [laughs]

Glenn: Yeah, exactly.

Charlie: You know what I mean? It'll be like, this guy is not even like on the radar.

Rob: Yeah- yeah- yeah.


Rob: He didn't get the part. It's one of the funniest people on the planet.

Charlie: He's- and he's- and he's lapping you.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: He's lapping you. It's all madness.

Rob: Uh, there's a-a-a common misconception amongst, uh, Hollywood people that, or maybe the-the general public that the awards were created just as, yes, self-congratulation, but also as-- like a marketing ploy just to get people to pay attention to the--

Glenn: True.

Rob: So, I did a little research into this, because I was like, "Wait, what-- why- why was this started? It seems like an interesting and fascinating type-"

Glenn: You're researching what- what started the Emmys?

Rob: Yeah. What-what started the awar-- like the Oscars, the Emmys?

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: It- it was like way more nefarious than that.

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Rob: It was that the studio heads who were used to having people under contract for years and years noticed that the-the artists were starting to speak to one another and unionize and create companies together, and what they realized was, "We can't have that."

Glenn: Oh, they needed to create competition?

Rob: We need to create competition amongst these people and let them-

Glenn: Oh, my God.

Rob: -and let them-- we'll throw them a bone, have them all fight amongst each other as to who's the- who's the funniest? Who's the best? Who's the- who's- who's the most deserving of our attention and love and like children, they will destroy each other.


Glenn: Oh, that's a amazing.

Rob: That's brilliant.

Megan: It's fun if you win. It is fun if you win.

Rob: Yeah. Megan is the, uh, Emmy winner here.

Charlie: Oh, yeah.

Glenn: No, wait a minute. Oh, wait-wait-wait. You won an Emmy?

Megan: I did win an Emmy when I was writing for Modern Family.

Glenn: Did I know this and I'm forgetting? I-I-I don't know if I mentioned this.

Megan: I don't mention it every episode, but this is why--

Glenn: It's surprising that it's not, sort of, up--

Rob: I know.

Megan: Yeah, I keep it in my house. I can put it behind me.

Rob: You should maybe bring it in and put it on your desk for a little bit, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Speaking of Modern Family, um, I met-- I said hello to Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -who I had never met. I'm pretty sure had absolutely no idea.

Glenn: No, yes. He does- he does.

Rob: He does. I've had him over for dinner at my house.

Glenn: Yeah- yeah- yeah.

Rob: He-he- he's-- he knows--

Glenn: He knows the show.

Charlie: He just didn't recognize me.

Rob: Maybe you just don't-- you don't pop off the show, I think.


Charlie: No, I think I looked so good at the event. I-I look so good. He was like, "This is obviously like some kind of action superhero."

Rob: You did look-- all of our wives look really good. I looked back at some of those photos, and Mary Elizabeth looks amazing, as does Jill, and as does Kaitlin.

Charlie: They looked good.

Rob: Then, I look at us and like, we're just like middle-aged guys.

Megan: You guys looked great.

Charlie: Nah, we looked good.

Megan: You looked good, yeah.

Glenn: We looked good? I thought- I thought we did, I don't know. I-I don't like the, uh, I don't like the picture that-that, uh, came out of that FX Vanity Fair party of me. I don't know. It's like we took a- we took like, you know-- they did-- they took like 30 pictures of me,-

Rob: Mh-hmm.

Glenn: -and then one they chose, this-- I'm like this- I'm like--


Charlie: That's not true. You looked good. Get over it.

Glenn: I look like a fucking hunchback.

Rob: We'll put that for up for the creeps.

Megan: I'm trying to find it now.

Charlie: You look good in that photo, Glenn.

Glenn: Yeah, see if you can find that photo. I am like- I'm like-

Charlie: He looks great in it.

Glenn: You know, one shoulder is up. I look- I look like, uh, I don't know how to,-- you know, I look like I can't sit up-

Charlie: That could be a cool new direction for you though.

Glenn: -'cause my back- my back is so hunch-

Charlie: Lean it to that.

Glenn: Yeah?

Charlie: Lean in to like, more like ghoul character.

Glenn: Okay, more ghouls and hunchbacks?

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.


Charlie: You gotta keep evolving, you know? You gotta change.

Rob: Yeah, that's true. I would love to play more ghouls and hunchbacks.


Charlie: Have you guys ever taken like an online quiz that just totally nailed you as a person?

Rob: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we talking like those Buzzfeed quizzes like, uh, which Harry Potter character are you?

Charlie: Oh, yeah- yeah, no, I was not- I was not talking about that, but is that your thing?

Rob: Yeah. Which is it though? Who are you?

Charlie: Which one? Which character are you? You're Draco Malfoy.

Rob: Oh, he's Draco.

Charlie: You're Draco.

Glenn: Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah, he's-- yeah, he had the slicked-back hair? That's the guy with the-the blonde?

Charlie: Uh, no. Actually, what I'm talking about is an online sleep quiz from Helix Sleep, and let me tell you, this is a- this is a useful tool.

Rob: I took the Helix sleep quiz, and, uh,--

Charlie: Did you take the quiz?

Glenn: Yeah. What I discovered was that, I-I-I'm most at rest on a medium firm mattress, which steered me towards several models and away from several others, you know. I went- I went with Helix's sister brand, Birch Organic, which-- that-that's the one that I personally love.

Rob: Take the word of their 10-year warranty and 100-night risk-free sleep trial. If you don't love it, they'll even come to pick it up for you, but you will love it.

Glenn: Right now Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders, and two free pillows for our listeners at


Charlie: All right, gue-guess who we're sponsored by today?

Glenn: Huel.

Charlie: Huel. You guessed it.

Glenn: I guessed it.

Charlie: You guessed it. That's right. It's a nutritionally balanced plant-based meal made in less than a? You didn't guess it right. Less than a-- [laughter]

Charlie: Less than a minute. You know-

Rob: Sometimes when we're on the set of Sunny, our days are so packed, it's hard to even stop for 30 minutes to eat lunch.

Glenn: Thank God for Huel.

Charlie: Glenn, I think you love Huel because you get to shake it up. You know what I mean? Don't waste time cooking and cutting and, uh, worst of all chewing,

Glenn: Uh, that's right. I drink my food. Okay. Uh, all I do is add two scoops of Huel to water, shake and ingest. Okay. I mean, that’s precious seconds, minutes even, back into my day.

Rob: Well, you also must love that each meal contains 400 calories, 40 grams of expertly sourced premium plant protein, all 26 essential vitamins and minerals, and a scientifically calibrated mix of carbs, good fats, and fibers.

Glenn: Come on and join the club. Go to to get a free t-shirt and free shaker with your first order. That's pretty cool.


Glenn: Rob, you had an experience with the French recently where you, uh, what-what was it? You went to the country.

Rob: What I'd like to do is-

Glenn: Oh, France.

Rob: -I'd like to have some French people call in, 'cause I wanna have some conversations. Now, again, you can't- I'm not gonna demonize an entire country.

Glenn: When you say French people, I think we need to clarify. We're talking about people who are from France, like who-

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -lived in France like grew up in France, like possibly most of their lives.

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: They should have an accent.

Rob: One of my best friends in New York City and my roommate was French. He was wonderful. His family was wonderful. All like-- and he would have his friends come in from France and they were fantastic people.

Glenn: Yeah. Okay.

Rob: So obviously, it's not an entire nation, but there is a stereotype about the French that I find to be very often true.

Charlie: I will say though, I-I was in Switzerland. Right? Half-

Rob: Different country.

Charlie: One side is, uh, speaks German and then the-the other side that borders France-

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: -uh, the primary language is French and the Swiss-French. Lovely.

Rob: Oh, well-well like the French Canadians?

Glenn: We're talking about France-French.

Charlie: You're talking about the France-French.

Glenn: The France-French.

Megan: [laughs]

Charlie: Yeah. That's a whole thing.

Glenn: That's a whole thing.

Rob: I had an almost, and Kaitlin will corroborate this entire thing 'cause she was right there and witnessed the whole thing.

Glenn: Okay.

Rob: It was almost a physical altercation with a French woman.


Rob: And I did nothing. She was literally-

Charlie: That sounds kind of hot.


Rob: She was not attractive.

Glenn: Oh.

Rob: She was bumping into me even better. It was- it was bizarre.

Glenn: All right, set it up.

Rob: We're it, I'm-

Glenn: Take me there. Take me there, baby. Take me there

Charlie: I cannot put out my cigarette out. You're in my way.

Rob: I'm in France for a layover. We're on our way to Wales.

Charlie: You're doing a little lay in France. Okay.

Rob: Just a little layoff.

Glenn: Doing lays offs in France.

Rob: And we go into this one particular section where they- where they- where they hold you.

Charlie: So you're in the airport?

Rob: I'm in the airport.

Charlie: Ah, everyone's an in the airport.

Rob: Sure. There is definitely a-a-a higher level of anxiety at an- at an airport. But I think you account for that, especially if you work at the airport as did this woman.

Glenn: Oh?

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: Okay.

Charlie: It was at a food court?

Rob: Yeah. This like food court area. And the-the first thing we hear is a woman with a British accent and she's saying, "All I want is a glass of water. Can you just please bring me a glass of water?" And this woman is saying in a French accent, which I will not try to replicate. "Ma'am, please will-will you just go sit down? If you'd like to fill out a report, you can fill out a report. And she's saying, "I don't want a report. I just want a glass of water. There is no water." Now my first reaction was, Karen. This is a Karen who needs to talk to the manager.

Glenn: Right.

Rob: And that's what she kept saying, like, "Who is your boss? Where is the manager?" And I was like, "Oh, that's like Karen writ large."

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah.

Rob: So Kaitlin and I kind of roll our eyes, we go sit down. We feel so bad for the employees that they have to deal with this woman. So we then noticed that the woman, um, doesn't get her glass of water, but she goes over and she's got a baby. And the baby, I mean an infant. Right. And the- and the infant is-is being rocked by her husband. Her husband is like trying to calm her down. And we're like, "What is going on here?" But then we look around and there's-there's no-nothing. Like this is a cafeteria.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: So the whole point of it is to eat and drink and all of the water pitchers are completely empty and all. And so we're like, "Oh, so this woman like wanted-wanted some water, which she paid for 'cause you like pay a fee and then you eat. It's like a buffet style. Right. So we're like, okay. So I don't know who's in the wrong, who's in the right, whatever. A few-

Charlie: But the scales of justice are.

Rob: But the scales of justice are tipping.


Rob: We're watching this and we're like, "Okay.”

Charlie: You're eyeing who's in the right here?


Rob: Absolutely. Now my kids-

Charlie: Constantly monitoring the scale.

Rob: My kids are sitting there. Right. My kids are sitting there and Kaitlin is sitting there and I'm sitting there and I'm actually, I feel pretty good. I have a-a full night's sleep on the way over there. So I'm-I'm feeling- I'm feeling great.

Glenn: Maybe you got a bottle of smart water in your backpack?

Rob: Yeah. I didn't have any-I didn't water. Didn't need any water.

Glenn: Mm-hmm. You were already hydrated.

Rob: But I'm watching. Now I'm watching- I'm watching what's happening because I'm watching her go back to her husband and I'm expecting the husband to explode or whatever. But no, he's just like, "It's okay. We'll figure--"

Glenn: Well, he's British, he's you know--

Rob: Yes, exactly.

Charlie: They don't explode.

Rob: And then she picks up the baby and she's walking around with the baby and I realize I'm really thinking, "Well, this woman seems kinda actually pretty sweet." All she wanted was a glass of water. And then Kaitlin goes over to get a glass of water and there's no water. And she's like, "Oh, I just wanna get a gla- a glass of water." I was like, "Oh, this is- this is gonna be amazing.


Rob: This is gonna be amazing."

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And then she goes, "You know what, I just wanna-- uh, I'm just gonna get some co- some coffee," I said, okay. So she goes and fills up some coffee, but she can't find any milk. And we see the milk and the cream is also empty.

Glenn: Oh-oh.

Rob: Now, again, this is not just like a lobby of like a random, like a subway station. This is actually there for this very purpose.

Glenn: Right.

Rob: We pay a fee you eat the goddamn food. But I'm like-- and-and then Kait- I said, "Do you want me to get you some milk?" And then Kaitlin actually said, "Yeah, but I don't want you to get into a whole thing with the--" [laughs]

Glenn: Rob, basically you're like, "When do you want me to step in?"

Rob: Yeah, yes.

Glenn: Do you want me to get involved?

Rob: Yes, I said I will- I will be-

Glenn: Do you want Rob Justice to be--

Rob: -I will be perfectly-perfectly nice and sweet and I will just ask where the-

Glenn: At first.

Rob: -where the- where the milk is. And so I-I wa- now the same woman is over there and she's like cleaning this area, right, where the milk and the coffee and the [crosstalk]

Glenn: The woman that the other woman was asking for water earlier?

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And the woman was very clearly speaking in English to-to this woman.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: So I walk over to the woman and I- and I recognize I'm not in my own country-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: -and that people speak French. I don't speak French but it's an airport, I just watched her speak English-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -so but I'll be respectful and I'll just say, "Excuse me," and I'll point to the thing and I'll say, "Do you have any more of this?" And I say, "Hi, excuse me." And she looks up and she- and she rolls her eyes immediately. [laughs] And I said, "Oh," and now I'm already like, "Okay, it's okay.”

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. You are-

Megan: You're ripping the shirt open so that Rob Justice-


Megan: -so that is coming out.

Glenn: Did you ask her if there was a phone booth somewhere where you could-


Rob: And I said, "I-I'm so sorry, um, uh, do you have any more milk?" And I pointed to it, I said just the milk is empty. And she goes, uh, she said something in French.

Glenn: Mm.

Rob: And I said, "I'm so sorry. I-I don't--" I've-I've apologized four times already.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: "I'm so sorry, I don't- I don't speak French but I'm just looking for this for milk." And she goes, "Over there." She didn't even say that, she said it in French. She-she like pointed says like, "Go-go away, go over there- go over there." And I was like, "Oh, sorry, is it over there?" And she just looks at me and she goes-- I said, "Oh, okay, great." So I go over to the other station, no milk, nothing, just n-n-nothing a-around there. And there's nobody else there. So then there was I-I walk like around to a different area and there was a woman there. And she was dressed in the garb of people who work at-at-at the cafeteria-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -and I say, "I'm sorry, I'm-I'm looking for milk for coffee." And she just deadpan stares at me and says, "I don't speak--" And I heard her say English like, "I don't", how do you say I don't speak English in French?

Charlie: [Speaking French]

Glenn: [Speaking French]

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Something like that.

Rob: Something almost like that. And I was-- and I literally said the same thing, "Sorry, I know. I don't- I don't speak French, I just want milk," and she just goes, "Go away." And I was like, "Holy shit." [laughs]

Glenn: She said, go away.

Rob: Go away. I fucking shit you not, go away. And I was like, "Oh, I guess you speak English." And then she goes, "Sir-sir, excuse me," and she walks away. And I'm like, "What the fuck, this is a-- I feel like this in a movie." This isn't-- there's no way this is happening.

Glenn: Yeah, that's outrageous.

Megan: Can I ask how busy this cafeteria is? Is it like packed with people?

Glenn: Is it popping off?

Charlie: No-no empty as can be, right?

Rob: Empty.

Charlie: Yeah-yeah-yeah, sure, yeah-yeah.

Megan: Okay, yeah.

Rob: Empty. Now, I walk over to the woman with the baby and I say hi and she's like, "Hi." I'm like, "Did you get your glass of water yet?" And she was like, "No, they just like refused to bring me water." And I'm like, "Okay, this is fucking nuts." [laughs] So I go back to the woman who was cleaning up again and I said, "We paid money to be here, I want a glass of water and I want milk." Right? And she says the same thing like, "I don't- I don't speak English." And then she bumps into me and I don't move I just stand there. Like she's trying to get past me.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And she's like, "Pardon, sir, pardon-pardon," and she looks right at me and I'm like, "Go get security- go get security." And she goes something in French, something in French, something in French. And I was like, "I'm not going to move until you bring me a glass of water and milk." Now Kaitlin is like, [sighs] "Would you fucking stop, the kids--"

Charlie: Yeah, you want milk- you want milk so much I put my titty in the milk and I squeeze out the milk you American swine. [laughs]

Rob: Well, that's exactly how I feel. I'm like, "Am I an ugly American right now?" Right. So I'm going through the checklist and I'm like, "I have apologized 10,000 times-

Glenn: Yeah-yeah.

Rob: -I've recognized that I don't speak French. I'm not- I'm not suggesting that you should know how to speak English but you've already demonstrated that you do."

Glenn: Yes.

Rob: You work in an airport, we paid a fee to be here and you have a chip on your shoulder about Americans and, clearly, the British as well to the point where you want to pick a fight with us for some reason and I'm just not having it, so I just don't move. And then she goes around me and my kids are just like, "Dad, dad, dad. Stop." And I'm like-

Glenn: Daddy, please.

Rob: -fuck that."


Rob: And now I'm the guy- people are walking in--

Charlie: Stop, dad.

Glenn: Dad, please. Dad.


Rob: And now like everybody is invested because, uh, the-- when we first walked in, we were so embarrassed for this British woman-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -who was like making a ruckus and now everybody is looking at me and this woman because now she's walked away and she's going to talk to her-her coworker-

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Rob: -another coworker and they're like yelling at me in French and I'm yelling back in Eng- back in English. People are all like watching us and I'm like, "Oh, now I'm the-the ass- the-

Glenn: Now, you're the Karen.

Rob: -American asshole." Yeah, now I'm the Karen.

Glenn: Yeah, you're the Kevin.

Rob: And so-so even-eventually s-s-some- nobody brings us water, nobody brings us milk, but they-they restock it and, when I walk back over there, um, I said- I said something-- I just didn't even say anything to her, I just looked at her and she looked at me and I said, "What do you want to say?" And then she said, uh, she said, um, "I-I'm- I'm gonna go get security." And I said, "Oh, you speak English now?"

And she goes, "Yes." Then, she turns around and walks away and I was like, "What the fuck? This is insane, I can't wait to talk to security." So, I get the water, I get the milk which they've just restocked. I come back, nobody comes back.

Glenn: Of course.

Rob: We then- we then wind up sitting next to the woman with the baby on the plane, she couldn't have been sweeter, couldn't have been nicer. Was travelling back from London, all she wanted was a glass of water. Now, again, this could be an isolated incident. It could have been just one person or it-it's- it's there's a system.

Glenn: Hmm.

Rob: It's- it's there's a systemic issue-

Glenn: Let's find out.

Rob: -with--

Glenn: I think you're right. I think we should have some French people call in-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -talk about their experiences with Americans and, you know, because maybe-maybe something happened along the lines where-- Well, of course, now this- these people were doing it to this, uh, this-this British woman as well-

Rob: Exactly.

Glenn: -but-but where, you know, they're- they've got a chip on their shoulder specifically about Americans because they find them to be so crass and rude.

Rob: Sure.

Glenn: I mean, clearly, they do.

Rob: And then I'm- my behavior is just reinforcing that, but from an-- from-- but she-she and both of the people recognize what the situation was. They-they know that they were the aggressors, they absolutely know that they brought it to that point.

Charlie: I mean, fuck that shit. It's, uh, it's if you're working as an employee and your job is, you know, serving people water and someone asks you for a glass of water, give them a fucking glass of water.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Like, there's- there's no excuse for that.

Rob: Yeah, though I-I think it was like the, "Are you so entitled that you believe you deserve a glass of water and milk?" And the answer is-

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah, man.

Rob: -well, if I- if I paid for it-

Glenn: If I paid for it, yes.

Rob: -and this is a place of business-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: -then I'm- then, yeah-

Glenn: Then, I am actually-

Rob: - I-I do.

Glenn: -entitled to it.

Charlie: I-I was at the airport once in-in Paris with Mary Elizabeth and, I don't know if you remember like the-- where the baggage comes out, it's like a glass- it's glass. So, instead of like LAX where you just don't know where these bags are coming from, you can see the employees. You can see-

Megan: Oh.

Charlie: -through the glass, right? And they went on break. They went on break for an hour and you could just see them sitting on the bags, smoking cigarettes.


Glenn: And you're on the bags?

Charlie: Yeah, and you're like- you're like, "Oh, just- well, you, I mean have your cigarette, but put the bag on the thing and have it come through."

Glenn: But, we're going to have nowhere to sit.

Charlie: [laughs] Then, where will I sit?

Glenn: Where will I sit?

Megan: If you guys couldn't smoke and-and work at the same time, the entire country would shut down, so just-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Megan: -I know you can do it.

Charlie: Yeah, I-- we know you can do it, yeah, you're still smoking.

Rob: Yeah, so I was- I guess what I'd like to do-

Glenn: We know you can do it.

Rob: -is I'd like to speak with some French people and I would just want to ask them what their experience is and is it-- and I'm- I'm willing to accept this that-that there is just a cultural difference that like being an asshole is-is okay. And, again, there are lots of American assholes.

Charlie: Oh, yeah, I mean go to, yeah, any airport in a major city in America, and like the people there are exhausted and overworked-

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: -and grumpy and-and you know?

Glenn: J-Jill and I-- Jill and I, uh, 12 years ago, we did a- we spent three months traveling around Europe to many different countries and France definitely stood out as, but like-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: -as being just the, uh, people were just were rude. They were more rude-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -per-per-per square person.

Megan: [laughs]

Glenn: You know what I mean? Not everybody was rude, certainly not everybody, you know what I mean?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: But, more people were rude to us in France-

Rob: It seems more commonly acceptable-

Glenn: -than any other country.

Rob: -as a culture-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: -to be- to be rude and--

Glenn: We went to like 15 different countries-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -and there was no- it was no comparison, no comparison.

Rob: Yeah, where does that stereo- that stereotype comes from something and somewhere, so I-I would like to- I would like to really dig into this. I would like to have the discussion with some French people.

Glenn: I think-- Yeah, yeah.

Rob: I'd also like to get Kaitlin's, uh, side of what she saw happening-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: -because we-we then discussed it and then I, you know, a-anytime, again, like an event like that happens with the kids, I sit-- I-I hav- I have to ask them, like we have to process it cause like watching your dad scream at somebody else-

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah.

Charlie: Mm.

Rob: -and back and forth in an airport is like, very traumatizing. So we talk about it. But like, I also don't-- I also wanna make sure that they, that, you know, you never wanna take things to-to a certain level, but again, I-I don't- I don't think we should be treated a certain way. And if someone's treating you a certain way--

Charlie: What did this-- I can't imagine your dad screaming at a- at a employee--

Rob: Sorry, when I say screaming, that's not actually accurate.

Charlie: I know, raising your voice-

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: -in-in-in anger, not screaming, but, like, standing your ground with a loud voice.

Rob: Yes. Well, because it was- it was directed back at me.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: So they were trying to, like, humiliate me and I was like, I was just retu-returning it, and I was most likely escalating it. But again yeah, I-I--

Charlie: Have you always had that gear?

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: Yeah. Right. I-I picture you always having that. You get that from your mom? Where does that come from?-

Rob: I don't know.

Charlie: Were you the hall monitor at school?


Megan: Yeah, you like confrontation.

Rob: I don't mind confrontation.

Glenn: I'm the same way. I'm the same way.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I-I can't- I can't, I can't handle things like that. I don't handle things like that well. I probably would've done something very similar.

Rob: Yeah. I-I don't know. I mean--

Glenn: And if I back off at this point, it's so that I don't traumatize my kids, or-or-or-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -scare them or embarrass Jill, you know what I mean?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Uh, but like, if I'm by myself, oh, fucking forget about it.

Megan: [laughs]

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Fucking forget about it. I-I-I can't- I can't-- I-I'm the same way. I can't stand that shit.

Rob: It just feels like there's certain people who walk around the world and they just treat people whatever way that they want. And I can't, I don't know. It just--

Charlie: They don't get called on it.

Rob: Yeah. And like, I'm not the one, you're not gonna treat me like that. And I don't think I'm gonna teach you any lessons. You're probably not gonna change, but the lesson I am teaching you right now is to get the fuck away from me.

Charlie: Yeah, there, your shit ain't gonna work on me.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Yeah. And-and yes, of course, upon reflection, you feel bad. And then I try to process it and say, did I handle that in the best of ways? Like, so the-the-the-in and-out thing, right? So like, I-I came in the next day and we discussed it and we got-- I was really introspective about that and trying to, figuring out, try to figure out the next time that something like that happens, I know that there's a better way to handle that. And I have to, like, work through it. And in this circumstance, I don't know that there really was a better way to handle that.

Glenn: Well, listen I think- I think it could--

Charlie: Well, nobody got hurt. It's not like you injured anyone, you just, you just voiced your opinions.

Glenn: But it could be a specific culture clash, right?

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: And-and that is that, like, look, and there's no denying the fact that Americans, on the who, on the whole, I think are more entitled. We live in a more entitled culture than most other cultures. Where, like, "I am entitled to this."

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: You know what I mean? And sometimes-sometimes that entitlement is right. You know what I mean? In-in this case, I would say that it was right because you paid for a service,-

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -the service was not rendered. And so you said, "Hey, listen, I paid for a thing. I expect to get the thing." The thing is-is like, culturally, I-I think there are a lot of people who are so used to not getting what they want-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -not getting what they need, not getting what-- Certainly not getting what they desire. And-and-and-and they're just, they just realize that it's futile to even,-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -you know, you realize, like, you learn to go through life not getting the things that you've, that-that we feel like we're entitled to because we have been so fortunate in this country-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -to-to have so many opportunities, so many things, you know, uh, to live in a world where, maybe, for the most part, the scales of justice are more balanced than in other places.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: But now it's at a point where, you know, everyone's like-- And the American dream, where is it?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I should-- I will have-- I would have it now.


Glenn: You know what I mean? It's like what are you at work for?

Rob: But I feel like my barometer- my barometer for those kinds of things is pretty good. Meaning like, if I just walked around the French airport, and was like, "Bring me water," you know? And I, "Where's my milk" to the- to the random, you know, like baggage handler-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -because I deserve milk. That would- that would--

Glenn: Baggage man, baggage man.

Rob: Yes. That would make me an entitled American asshole.

Glenn: Yes. Right.

Rob: But if someone's gonna charge me, you know, $30 a head to come in and eat at your buffet, then yes, I believe I'm in, that the transaction entitles me to a glass of water.

Glenn: Yes. And by the way, I 100% agree. I just think, I just think maybe, I'm just, I'm-I'm-

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -pontificating where the clash came from.

Rob: It becomes a chicken, it becomes a chicken and the egg thing too. Right?

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Because then those people have dealt with the worst versions of the Karens or the Rob Justices-


Rob: -over-over the last, you know, 30 years, to your point, Charlie. And now they just assume everybody's like that. And that, and they act accordingly.

Glenn: So when you had a chance to talk-- You haven't had a chance to talk to Kaitlin about this and her perspective, or you just want her to--

Rob: No, I-I-I'd love for her to weigh in, cause it's always good to hear a third party perspective of like,-

Glenn: Gosh, yeah.

Rob: -because you're in the middle of the event, and then you have other people watching you.

Glenn: Can we call her right now? Is she, is she-

Megan: Is she around?

Glenn: Do you think she's around? Like.--

Megan: We can send her a Zoom link. You guys can Zoom with her.

Rob: Let me just call Kaitlin and see if she'll-- Just cause it might be fun to-


Megan: And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp.

Glenn: BetterHelp is an online therapy service that can help you find solutions to a variety of life's problems.

Rob: Injustice.

Charlie: Injustice.

Rob: There are so many injustices in the world.

Glenn: Okay.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Here we go.

Megan: Oh, here comes Rob Justice.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Rob justice.

Glenn: Rob Justice in the house. Okay.

Rob: Yeah. Rob Justice is hell-bent on justice and is willing to die for it, but with convenient, affordable, and entirely online therapy like BetterHelp, Rob Justice can see himself grow into Rob Acceptance.

Charlie: Which doesn't sound nearly as angry.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: No, no he's not. He's actually- he's actually quite Zen.

Megan: So if you're thinking of trying therapy, but you don't know where to start, consider solving that problem by starting with BetterHelp.

Charlie: When you wanna be a better problem solver, therapy can help with that. Right? So-so visit today and get 10% off your first month.

Rob: That's


Rob: Today we are brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

Charlie: Zip, zip, zip.

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Charlie: Do you guys have any jobs, jobs?

Rob: Are you asking for a job?

Charlie: I'm poking around for a job a little bit.

Glenn: Now I could use a relief nanny, you know, someone to step in when my nanny gets sick, uh, you know, you'd just have to recognize that she's number one-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -and you're number two.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Okay? Now can you handle that?

Charlie: Pass. I'm not going to nanny, uh, your children or raise your children. Um, n-not 'cause I'm not qualified, 'cause I just don't want to.

Glenn: I only want you to do it if you wanna do it.

Charlie: I don't wanna do it.

Rob: Yeah. You don't wanna do it?

Charlie: But let me tell you- let me tell you who does wanna do it. The actual ideal, uh, candidate is out there, and-and ZipRecruiter is a powerful technology that finds awesome people who have the skills and experience to match your job listing.

Rob: Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

Charlie: Look, just go to put in /sunny, and then find the employees you're looking for.



Megan: Oh, hello?

Kaitlin: Hello.

Megan: Hi.

Rob: Hi.

Megan: Hi.

Charlie: Kaitlin?

Rob: Hello.

Kaitlin: Hi. Okay. What do you want from me?

Rob: So I-I wanted to get a, um, your point of view of what happened in the French airport lounge cafeteria section that we- that we went to.

Kaitlin: Oh, God.

Glenn: Rob told us the whole story about what went down.

Rob: But, b-be honest, be honest.

Charlie: What's your take on it all?

Glenn: What, from your perspective, was it like when Rob Justice got-- stepped into the picture, and got himself involved? You know, put on his cape, put on-

Kaitlin: Yeah.

Glenn: -his mask, and you know, ripped his- ripped his, uh, shirt open and became Rob Justice? What was that like for you?

Rob: Be honest. Don't do a bit. Tell him exactly what happened.

Charlie: How did you feel?

Rob: How did you feel?

Charlie: How did you feel?

Kaitlin: How did I feel? Well, it escalated very quickly, but it-- I was- I was very happy that he was trying to find me some cream 'cause I found coffee. Now we-- I can't find water, and I got coffee, and I can't find cream, and I'm just tired, and I-- We all were tired and I said, "I can't find cream for the coffee." And he was like, "Okay, let me look." And he walked up and he asked this woman-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Kaitlin: -um, where the cream was for the coffee d-- And I think she kind of ignored you or something. I'm-I'm not really paying attention. I just know that very quickly, he turned very upset with this person, and he was like, "Uh, here's the coffee. I don't see any cream." And then she was, like, trying to push past him, and he was like, "Are you- are you trying-- You wanna get by me? Just go by me. Don't touch me. Just go by me."

Rob: She's assaulting me. She's assaulting me. This French woman, I was assaulted at an airport.

Kaitlin: Okay, I-- Just-- It looked like she was trying to get away from you and walk by you, but you needed your cream, but the cream was for me. So I'm on board, but it-it was-- It--

Rob: She was b-- she was physically bumping into me trying to, like-- It was bizarre.

Kaitlin: She was walking, yes, towards you and trying to get around you, and then yeah, you threw-

Glenn: Just bouncing off of you.

Kaitlin: -you threw the pecs out and your arms up, and you were like, "Do you wanna go by me? Go by me."

Charlie: Now, how are you feeling when you see him start to get into the red, where are you emotionally?

Glenn: Yeah. Are you like, "Oh shit," or are you like, "Yeah. Fuck yeah."

Charlie: Are you like, "Good, I'm glad he's speaking up," or are you like, "Oh Rob, come on. Just forget it. I don't really need the cream."

Glenn: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Uh, both, because this woman was being an asshole. She was really, like, aggressively being unhelpful.

Charlie: Okay.

Kaitlin: So I got that he was upset, but also my kids are right there, and I just kind of would rather-

Glenn: Right.

Kaitlin: -you know, maybe I just drink the coffee black. I don't think I need it to turn into a whole thing, but I do understand why he was upset.

Rob: But see that's-- But wherein lies the problem, right? We paid for the goddamn coffee. We paid-

Kaitlin: We did.

Rob: -to be in the lounge-

Kaitlin: Yeah, we just wanted water and--

Rob: -and we paid for the food.

Charlie: You're not.

Rob: And you're-- And she shouldn't have to drink-- Like, should you have to drink black coffee in real life? I-is that, um, like a huge sacrifice you have to make? Of course not. Who gives a shit really?

Charlie: No, but when--

Rob: But, you've paid the goddamn money-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: -where is my fucking cream?

Charlie: But, when does standing up for yourself, when does it create more problems for yourself?

Rob: Absolutely.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, when does it tip over into like, "Oh, I've upset my children and now it's like was that worth it?"

Glenn: Do you think- do you think Rob is out of line or do you think that-that he like--

Kaitlin: If the kids weren't there, I would have done the exact same thing.

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Kaitlin: I just instantly turned into like mama bear and wanted him to stop, so that they weren't like seeing their dad get in a fight over cream because they weren't understanding that she was being an asshole and she was the woman who wasn't giving this woman the water earlier.

Glenn: What--

Kaitlin: I recognized her from the previous incident, so I-- if they weren't there, I would have done the exact same thing.

Glenn: Well, so then-

Kaitlin: I have to be honest.

Glenn: -that's where it becomes the question though, right, because, if Rob's behavior is justified, then he's actually teaching his kids the right thing.

Rob: That's how I feel in that circumstance.

Glenn: But, if it's not, if he shouldn't be acting that way-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -then that's-

Rob: It's okay to stand up-

Glenn: -a different thing.

Rob: -for yourself, if, depending on what you're-

Kaitlin: And it-

Rob: -you know, where you're--

Kaitlin: -my thing is that the kids didn't see all the things leading up to it-

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Kaitlin: -they just saw Rob yelling at this foreign woman who-

Glenn: Right.

Kaitlin: -didn't speak English.

Rob: Who-who then, but then she revealed herself to speak English, correct?

Kaitlin: That's true. Now, they didn't see that either. Again, as a- as an adult, I saw the whole thing and I understand the whole thing and I would have been on board, I just- I'm more willing to drop it when our kids are not seeing any of that, they're just seeing their dad go to war with some woman.

Rob: Well, that's because you're not Kaitlin Justice.

Glenn: Because she could have done-- Well, I was gonna say that Kaitlin could have been doing a play-by-play with the kids. As they're watching, she could have been the, you know-

Kaitlin: Yeah.

Glenn: -the and-and you could have been saying like, you know, "That this, no, this is justified."

Kaitlin: Now, had I had cream for my coffee and was comfortable sitting back and sipping while enjoying this scene play out, I-

Glenn: Right.

Kaitlin: -probably would have been able to do that, but I was uncomfortable, Glenn-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Kaitlin: -because my coffee was black and I was tired-

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Kaitlin: -and my husband was fighting with a strange woman.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Uh, yeah, but did you eventually get your cream?

Kaitlin: Yeah, he got me the cream.


Glenn: Okay, it culminated in-

Charlie: Do you think--

Glenn: -you getting your cream.

Charlie: Do you think that you would have gotten the cream without the raised temper like if you just kind of-

Kaitlin: Well--

Charlie: -kept insisting on just, uh--

Rob: Well-well, the-- that's- that's where in lies the issue because probably like there's a version of the-- of this where I get it with I get the cream, but what happened was it started with me wanting cream and then it transitioned to me wanting cream and justice.

Glenn: [laughs]

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The-the sweet cream of justice.


Charlie: It's the sweetest cream of all.


Rob: And, yeah, like doesn't that cream- doesn't that cream taste so sweet?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: It's so much better.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: It is a better cream. It's a thicker--

Charlie: A cream with no justice is curdled milk.


Kaitlin: And that really is- that really is the takeaway and what we talked to our kids about afterwards.

Glenn: Okay, so you spoke to them about the cream of justice and you explained-

Megan: Yeah, maybe-

Glenn: -the difference?

Megan: -Rob Justice's sidekick should just be a woman that explains all of his behavior to any children that are around, so they have the proper context.

Charlie: Uh-huh.

Rob: [laughs] It's just a constant state of processing with children, "This is why dad is behaving this way."

Kaitlin: That's me. That's me. I did, I did give them a full- a full recap afterwards, so that they would understand because they were, uh, the little one was just like his-his mouth was open and his eyes were wide and he was just like shocked and confused. So I backed up-

Rob: But, to be fair by this point, he should not be shocked and confused by my behavior.

Charlie: Yeah, I mean he's been in and on it with you-

Glenn: That's true.

Charlie: -I mean-

Glenn: He should have learned.

Charlie: -he knows what's-- Yeah.

Glenn: He should have learned by now.

Kaitlin: He's getting there. You-you-you like to--

Charlie: He's getting there. He's a smart guy.

Kaitlin: I still like to hide it from them. You're really, really trying to get them used to it, but, yeah, they're getting there.

Glenn: Well, it's- it's- it's-

Charlie: See, he can't hide.

Glenn: -tough.

Charlie: You can't hide from your kids, they see you.

Rob: They see. They know.

Charlie: They know what's up.

Glenn: They know.

Rob: They know.

Glenn: They know.

Charlie: They know.

Kaitlin: They definitely know what's wrong and who is wrong when Rob is around, that's for sure.

Glenn: [laughs] He'll make sure of that.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Well, uh, uh, we-we also are gonna- we're gonna do a little call-in show where we're gonna have people from France, specifically France French people-

Charlie: Defend themselves. [laughs]

Glenn: -to call in and-


Glenn: -either defend themselves--

Rob: Defend yourself, Frenchman.

Charlie: Defend yourself.

Megan: In English, in English.

Glenn: In English.

Charlie: In English, please.

Rob: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We will force them to speak English on our podcast.

Glenn: Yeah, uh, and we're gonna get their take on it, but what is-- I mean, is your take on it, h-have you had bad or good experiences with the, uh, the-- and I'm speaking specifically of French peo- French-speaking people from France, not French Canadians, they're lovely.

Kaitlin: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: They're- they're lovely and, uh, we've established that Swiss-French people are and I imagine that, uh, you know, Belgian-

Rob: Belgian, yeah.

Glenn: -ones are as well.

Charlie: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Glenn: Uh, you know, um--

Rob: It's just the French French.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: It's just the French French.

Rob: French OG.

Glenn: And it's just what we're talking about, it's can you corroborate that?

Kaitlin: Born and bred, born and bred French.

Glenn: Yeah, how have- you've had--

Charlie: And they are born in bread which is part of the-

Megan: Oh, Charlie. [laughs]

Charlie: -French thing. They're born in a baguette.

Glenn: Not as- not as inbreds, but they're born inside of bread.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. They're not inbred, but they're born in a little baguette and they come sliding out with a cigarette.

Glenn: They come sliding out, you know?

Charlie: A beret.


Glenn: A warm piece of bread-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -smoking a cigarette.

Charlie: Yes, yeah.

Glenn: Smoking a little little baby cigarette.

Charlie: Brie cheese.

Kaitlin: You know what I will say, when we walked out of that lounge, the-the um, the women that said goodbye to us said goodbye to our kids and were really sweet and told us to have a nice day. So it did end on a-- on a nice-

Rob: Of course. There are- there are-- not-not those particular women, different women.

Kaitlin: Different women, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Not-

Rob: Yes, of course.

Kaitlin: That-that woman was awful.

Rob: Of course.

Kaitlin: Rob's right. She was a terrible person. She could have been, you know what? She was speaking French. She could have been anything. She just wasn't all around bad person.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Yeah. Just bad people are bad people no matter what. Yeah. Um, but-

Kaitlin: That's nationwide, international.

Rob: That's international.

Glenn: That is true- that is true.

Rob: Assholes are everywhere.

Glenn: We are gonna get to the bottom of this.

Charlie: You never know she could be the greatest person and she's having the worst day.

Rob: Well, that's- that's a bit-

Glenn: I know-

Rob: That's the thing about stereotypes too though, that once-once they're like culturally established or in the zeitgeist, then you are looking for those things.

Kaitlin: That you're looking for it.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. Yes.

Kaitlin: That's why I wanted to point out those very sweet French women that said goodbye to us.

Rob: Of course.

Glenn: Of course. Of course. Now, if you'd been screaming about wanting cashew milk and electrolytes to add to the water, then that would've been-

Rob: Of-of course.

Glenn: Now, you are the asshole.

Charlie: That's the Los Angeles stereotype.

Rob: Of course. Of course. Well, uh, sweetie, thank you.

Kaitlin: Keep it together next time. You don't- you don't need to, um, you know, fly around the world and have justice be served everywhere in front of our children. Alone with me, fine.

Rob: I disagree.

Charlie: I don't know. I don't think you can let it account. I don't think he's gonna let that one go.

Glenn: Yeah. He's like, "Come on. You know the man you married. This is, uh--"

Charlie: Yeah, it's baked in. It's hardwired people.

Megan: Kaitlin, how are the Emmy parties? Did you have fun?

Kaitlin: It was-- they were so fun. Yes. And I will say I dragged Rob kicking and screaming. I did. He was very lovely to go with me. And then we both had a really fantastic evening. And wasn't it fun? Did you have fun?

Rob: I had a blast.

Kaitlin: Yeah. It was great. We had so much fun.

Glenn: Did it-- was-was it-- were-were- was anyone talking about me?


Kaitlin: I didn't hear anybody mention you at all.

Glenn: Though I doubt that.

Rob: Uh, not Glenn specifically. Um, but a lot of people talk about the show. A lot of people talk about people Sunny.

Charlie: People love the show.

Rob: People like Sunny.

Charlie: People love the show.

Glenn: Just not the Emmys.

Kaitlin: People love the show.

Rob: Can I also-- can I suggest that there we have another member of the- of the family who is- who is equally, uh, as interested in justice and in-in situations. Mary Elizabeth Ellis Day.

Charlie: Yeah, she has-

Rob: 100%.

Charlie: She has the justice, uh, gear, which is-

Rob: I love it.

Charlie: -a good counterbalance to me 'cause uh, I, you know, I have the Tom and Mary's gear of just like, let's not-

Glenn: Keep the peace.

Charlie: -ruffle any-- keep the peace.

Rob: Keep the peace.

Charlie: Keep the peace. Don't make the piece, just keep the existing status quo.

Glenn: Whatever shred of it is left.

Charlie: If there's any-- Yeah. Whatever peace there is. Even if the peace is injustice, that's fine. That's a kind an existing piece, but I don't like that, it's not a good quality. You know, it's-

Glenn: You don't like that in yourself.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: You wish there was a little bit more Rob Justice in you is what you're saying?

Charlie: Yeah-yeah.

Glenn: Okay.

Charlie: I think there's a balance. Like everyone needs a little bit of it.

Kaitlin: I think Glenn and I are similar where I-I can let a lot of things go and I'm also like really compassionate, like, and I'm always putting myself in somebody else's shoes and I'm like, it's fine. She clearly this or he clearly that. But when someone has zero regard-

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Kaitlin: -for how their behavior is affecting people around them, I can't take that. And like if I get caught in that middle of that, I have to.

Glenn: Yep. We established it. That-that was my number one, uh, personality trait, right?

Rob: Yeah

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: What was-- we did-- we made some kind of a list of like things and you guessed. Oh, it was- it was when we were- we were like, it was the dating game one where we were trying to figure out who knew the most about the other.

Megan: What made you the most angry is people being inconsiderate basically.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: People not- people not being way aware of how their actions affect others.

Charlie: By the way, I feel that stuff too. But what happens is I get, I bury it down inside.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: It gets tucked inside, and then look it-it can come out on screen in-in-character form.

Glenn: Sure.

Charlie: And, uh, it's a very useful tool, but it doesn't come out in-in life.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I got it on lockdown.

Glenn: You like to write it for my character though.

Charlie: I, and I write it in your character, yeah.

Glenn: You write into my character a lot.

Charlie: The big emotional swings. Were not- were very, you know, that's not a very-

Glenn: That's why you like-- 'cause you really love writing my character. Like, I've-

Charlie: Oh, my God, that's my favorite one to do.


Charlie: But, uh, yeah, I like to stuff that shit down inside deep, and uh, I feel it. I'm vibrating now thinking about it.


Rob: Well, sweetie, thank you for, uh, glorifying me and corroborating, uh, everything.

Kaitlin: Thank you for getting me cream. I love you.

Glenn: Not sure that's what happened-

Charlie: Sure, that's what happened. Happy ending.

Glenn: -there Rob, but okay.

Rob: That's the way I heard it and saw it.

Glenn: That's the way he chooses to hear it. And that's how it is.

Rob: Love you.

Kaitlin: All right. Bye-bye.

Glenn: We love you, Kaitlin. We love you.

Charlie: Love your guts.

Kaitlin: Bye.

Glenn: We love your fucking guts.

Rob: Well, have we done it?

Glenn: We did it. I think every-- I think we-- I-I think the main goal here is to always have people walk away from listening to our podcast, having learned something.

Megan: Rob Justice and Kaitlin Context, maybe that will be the name of this episode.

Rob: Oh. Or The Cream of Justice.


Charlie: Sweet Cream of Justice.

Glenn: Sweet Cream of Justice.

Megan: I agree.

Glenn: Yeah. The Sweet Cream of Justice.

Megan: It always rises to the top.

Rob: The Sweet Cream of justice always rises. You're that cream that you always talking about.


Charlie: Always rises to the top, man.


[End Credits]


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