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Episode #61

The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis

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61. The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis

On the pod, the guys revisit The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 5, Episode 1.

Glenn Howerton: Testing testing 1 2 3 testes.

Charlie Day: Ohhh.

Rob McElhenney: Oh Megan laughing.

Charlie: Doo doo doo (singing).

Megan Ganz: A new podcast studio, guys.

Rob: It's a brand new beautiful podcast studio.

Charlie: And we're back.

Rob: And we’re back. Happy New Year everybody.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: We’re starting?

Rob: Oh… Everybody–

Charlie: We’re always being–

Rob: Are we gonna ask that question every time?

Glenn: Second start. I don’t know, it just felt false. 

Rob: Okay

Charlie: Let’s do, let’s do like a–

Rob: Happy New Year!

Glenn: I hear, dead… Dead eyes!

Meg: *Laughing*

Charlie: Dead eyes.

Rob: I’m saying it but you’re not believing it.

Charlie: ‘Cause new years are they happy? Are they just… time?


Glenn: New. Are they just…new.

Rob: Time?

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Time passing?

Rob: I’m, I’m feeling very happy.

Charlie: Yeah me too. I'm feeling good. We’ve been having fun.

Rob: We have. We're here in the, ummm, in this is uh, the writers rooms of uh, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 16.

Meg: Mhm.

Glenn: We are in the thick of it.

Charlie: We… yeah, we are under the gun.

Rob: We’ve got how many weeks before we start shooting? 3?

Glenn: No not even.

Charlie: No. Uh 1.

Glenn: 2. 2 and a half.

Charlie: 10 days? 10 day…10 work days?

Glenn: *Thinking noises*

Rob: Ooof.

Glenn: *Thinking noises*. 16 days?

Meg: *Laughing*

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: I don’t know. I don’t know.

Charlie: I…I think we have.

Rob: 16 days is almost.

Glenn: 16 days but only like 10 work days or something like that. I don’t know.

Rob: Well we’re gonna have to dip into the weekends and late at night. You know, to get it done.

Charlie: Man I’ve been parking real close to the pole. I hope you’ve been satisfied. 

Glenn: You guys wait, so…This is good actually. It’s good that you brought that up.  So we’re in a parking garage right now and I am squeezed in between–

Charlie: Those?

Glenn: 2…So it’s a 3…it’s…it’s like–

Meg: My car and Charlie’s car. *Laughing*

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: There’s 3 spots, there’s 3 spots and then, and then columns, right? And Charlies on the right, and Megs on the left. And I’m squeezed right in the middle.

Meg: I’m so nervous every time I park.

Glenn: And I gotta say…No listen, I, I,  you should be because I will be very upset but…You guys are just…I mean…It seems to be working.

Charlie: We’re nailing it right?

Glenn: But it’s only working because you guys are parking so close to the column. And if you weren’t, it would all be–

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. You taught us a little something about your needs, and, and we responded to them…

Glenn: And you listened.

Charlie: And we listened.

Glenn: You responded. Yeah…now is that gonna carry…now are you only doing that for me or would you do that if it wasn’t–

Charlie: No I think that’s gonna carry on in my life. My pole work will be a little bit, you know, more professional now.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: That I know it will, uh, please someone.

Glenn: Mhm. Yeah, yeah.


Charlie: We have a lot of work to do. Like, like we don’t–

Glenn: We shouldn’t–

Charlie: We should not be in this room right now.

Glenn: No. But—

Charlie: Um, but, but it’s good to, it’s nice to be in here taking a break. But man we–

Glenn: Fuck it, yeah it’s more fun.

Charlie: Megan how are you comin’ on your draft? Cause we’re–

Meg: I spent most of this day setting up this room.

Charlie: Okay. That was what I was worried about.

Glenn: Mhm.

Meg: Um, no I, I’m coming along fine. Um, I kinda skipped past the hardest scene, which is the set up scene of all of the stories. And it’s like the one where everyone’s story is established. And finding a fun way to do that is so difficult. Like, actually I noticed it in this episode that we’re talking about, “Mortgage Crisis”. You found such a fun way to like, get both stories started because you just did that bit of like, Dee coming in with her news, and you guys all ignoring her. And then Frank coming in and you immediately being interested in his news. And kinda comparing the two. And thinking maybe we’ll combine them. But then ultimately just ditching her thing.

Rob: Right.

Meg: Which is just like, gave it some energy. And so, I’m in that scene now. And it’s like, it’s, I’m trying to find like a fun way to get all the information out that I need, in order to get this story started, which are really fun. So I just started writing the other scenes.

Charlie: It is funny to go, to look at these older episodes and be like, wait, wait, what was happening in the world? Like there was more, it, was, was it, was it the 2008 mortgage crisis we were dealing with? Like–

Glenn: Yeah. We shot the episode in 2009. We actually broke the original version…we broke the story in 2008.

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: For season 4. We broke it in season...We broke–

Charlie: We did and then–

Glenn: Yeah so we’re talkin’ about the mortgage crisis–

Charlie: Did we have–

Glenn: Do you wanna do the intro for this–

Meg: Yeah I can do that–

Glenn: episode. Before we keep–

Charlie: Yeah, fill people in.

Meg: Yeah a little structure. Remember that from last year?

Glenn: Good ol’ structure. 

Meg: Um, so yeah. We're talking, we've started season 5 today, “The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis”. Um, it aired on September 17th, 2009. It was written by Becky Mann and Audra Sielaff and directed by Randall Einhorn. In this episode Frank buys a foreclosed house with intentions of selling it for profit. Mac and Dennis become hot-headed real estate brokers. And Dee takes advantage of a suburban couple looking to hire a surrogate mother. 

Glenn: So yeah–

Rob: That's it.

Glenn: We broke the story in 2008. Um, in the writers room of Season 4.

Charlie: Wait. Were Becky and Audra on season 4?

Glenn: Uh they were.  I believe, I think so–

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: They we’re in season 4–

Rob: They started season 4, yes.

Charlie: and then the first draft they got in was season 5.  Is that right?

Glenn: Well I–

Charlie: Or maybe they had a draft in season 4.

Glenn: I can’t remember why we kicked it–

Rob: Or–

Glenn: I, I, I, I don’t know if was ‘cause we…why did we kick that to, to Season 5? Do you remember why we kicked that?

Charlie: I think we just came up with a thing, that we’re like, this’ll be better for season, I don’t, for whatever reason.

Glenn: Yeah, maybe–

Meg: It’s so nice and so rarely happens where we have an extra episode.

Glenn: Oh he was, yeah go–

Meg: Water park was–

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Right. Yeah, going into Season 5, it, yeah, it was like, I remember being like, “oh yeah we have that mortgage thing that’s like almost”--

Meg: Mhm.

Glenn: Like, I don’t remember what state it was in but I remember, knowing it was an episode.

Meg: It’s just a really good cold…I just like, really enjoyed the cold open, and it was…when I was writing today, I was like, I just need something like that, that makes it like fun to get all that information out. 

Glenn: Mhm.

Meg: ‘Cause it is a lot.  Like you gotta set up all the stuff about like we’re in a—

Charlie: The outlines only ever go so far, right? So we’ll be in the room–

Glenn: Mhm.

Charlie: –and we’ll break down what each scene is gonna be. But then, how you actually execute this scene–

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: –is really what makes the scene work. So, there’s a version of that cold open, where Dee comes in and spouts here information, and Frank does his.  But without the joke–

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: –then what is the scene? So you always have to come up with a, “well what is the…” and it’s never easy.

Glenn: It’s, it’s, it’s figuring out how to bury the exposition.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glen: And what order to, to pull it out. Like if there’s, if you’re giving out all this information, it’s like, how, like what order, what’s the most effective order–

Meg: What’s necessary.

Glenn: Yeah, what’s necessary.

Meg: What do you need in this scene versus, yeah. I’m stuck in that, on that one. But I just moved ahead to other scenes, then I’ll like, go back I think to that one. 

Glenn: Yeah. 

Meg: But I’ll get it done. Thursday right? I have till Thursday. 

Glenn: Um.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: Thursday morning. Okay, so here’s something. Here’s a fascinating phenomenon. Uh, that we’ve, that we’ve just become accustomed to. But, usually when we’d say “Okay let’s, let’s have the scripts, the scripts in by Thursday” and we always forget. We always forget to say “Thursday morning”.

Glenn: Mhm.

Rob: Because if you say Thursday–

Charlie: That’s a Friday.

Rob: And rightfully so, people want to do their best.  And they want to make sure they have as much time as they, they can. I, I,  we get it. But it’ll be Thursday at 11:59 and you’ll get something in your inbox.  We’ll be asleep–

Glenn: *Laughing*

Rob: Because it will be, Rob Rosell will wait until the absolute last–

Charlie: Mhm.

Rob: Megan will get it in early in the morning. 

Meg: I’ll try.

Rob: Rosell will get it in there, unless we say Thursday morning–

Glenn: Mhm. The last possible minute.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah well.

Rob: And he’s technically correct, but we can’t work on it on Thursday. 

Glenn: Right

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: But we can’t work on them all on Thursday anyway.

Charlie: That’s true.

Glenn: Technically we should kinda stagger them.

Charlie: Yeah that’s not a bad idea.

Meg: That’s why my move is to turn in a draft and then keep working on it, and then turn in another draft–

Rob: Yeah that’s–

Meg: if you guys haven’t started reading it.

Glenn: Haven’t gotten to it–yes.

Rob: Megan has an insane–

Charlie: That’s not a bad move.

Rob: –that is, that is so strange.

Meg: Yeah right?

Charlie: That’s true.

Rob: Megan, Megan’s–

Meg: Charlie likes that move.

Charlie: Turning in your deadline, right? And if we just happen to be free and we get to it. But if we don’t–

Meg: Yeah

Charlie: you’re like, read this one instead–

Meg: Yes.

Charlie: I had the extra time, I wanted it.

Glenn: Why not.

Charlie: But if you didn’t, and we started it, you could always walk in the room and say “Hey I had these other ideas–”

Meg: Yeah yeah.

Charlie: “–if you want to pop them in.”

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Keeps the thing movin’.

Meg: Probably though, the fastest draft that I would write would be the best one.  Because I think the, my drafts become over complicated when I like, get to–

Glenn: Start picking them apart.

Meg: Yeah. I like, I almost think the best version of it is the thing that I could never do.  Which, which I always try to do.  Which is just, shit out something as fast as possible, with like, no attempt at jokes. Like the most basic, what just, what is needed for this scene, and the move on.

Glenn: Mhm

Meg: And then go back and like, make it kinda funny here and there.

Rob: Well we talk about this all the time. I don’t, I don’t know if we’ve talked about this on the podcast.  But, um, one mantra that we’ve adopted, certainly in Mythic Quest, but we talk about this a lot on this show is just, get it wrong faster.

Meg: Mhm.

Rob: And, and we all do that. Like I, we just try to turn it around as quickly as possible to get it back to the collective. Because there is no wrong, and there is no right. So the quicker you can get it back into the process of as many really funny uh, minds as possible, the, the better for the episode.

Glenn: As long as you know what matters. Because like, if you’re, if you turn in a draft that’s like, it’s just a total fuckin’ mess, then, then you’re creating more work for everybody, right?

Meg: Mhm.

Glenn: But if you’re creating, if, if the story’s working, if the characters all have motivations and everyone’s got like an arc, and the story has a good beginning, middle and end.

Rob: Yes, but you have…if it’s a 24 to 26 page script, and you’re a professional writer–

Glenn: Mhm.

Rob: and it’s already been broken, you have, you have 7 days to do it. If you spent all day, everyday working on that script, there’s no, it should not take you 7 days to get there, right? But most likely it gets you to like 3 or 4, and then you’re fine tuning.  And then the question becomes when does it become—

Glenn: Right.

Rob: diminishing returns. To where you’re fine tuning things…uh…that won’t wind up structurally even—

Charlie: Yeah.  For the listeners at home…I…ideally before we send someone off on a draft, so much of the work has been done in the room of outlining that, there’s enough there that yes, you should be able to turn it around in that much time. Not to say that you should be able to write a script in 7 days. Um, but like, we’ve done a lot of work before you go off to write that script.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: This episode, The Mortgage Crisis, is a great example of something that has a lot of really funny ideas, and moments, and scenes, and characters, and things that have stood the, the test of time. People, I hear about Vic Vinegar all time.

Charlie: Mhm.

Glenn: Plenty of it.

Rob: The Bird law–

Charlie: The Bird Law, Bird Law, yeah.

Rob: The Bird Law. And yet, I don’t, I don’t think this episode’s very good at all.

Glenn: That’s fine.

Rob: There’s really good, really fun and funny moments in it.

Meg: What I like about The Bird Law conversation that you think it’s just like a classic, down beat of you guys talking about something that like, doesn’t matter at all in the beginning.

Rob: Mhm.

Meg: About whether you can keep a hummingbird as a pet.

Charlie: Says the guy who knows nothing about the law!

Dennis: I can absolutely keep a hummingbird as a pet, bro. It’s no different than having a parrot or a parakeet.  It’s a bird.

Charlie: You really can’t. And I’m not saying I agree with it. It’s just that “bird law” in this country, it’s not governed by reason.

Dennis: There’s no such thing as “bird law”.

Charlie: Yes there is.

Mac: You know what–

Glenn: Maybe if I remember, why, why, why we thought it was, what? Like, what was the deal with, who came up with that.  Like, the idea of like, like there being laws that specifically govern, how birds work. Or–

Charlie: It’s hard to remember.

Glenn: Is it meant to be, is it meant to be like how, what, what are the laws amongst birds? Or is it meant to be like, what are the laws–

Charlie: What are the laws regarding–

Glenn: man and bird?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah regarding man and bird. What, what was funny about it?  Like just like, birds are funny.  Like conversations about seagulls and hummingbirds.

Glenn: Mhm.

Charlie: And things, what was funny. And then, and then like the parameters around like, well there probably are like some kinds of rules for, ya know….like you’re probably not allowed to keep a Bald Eagle in your house, or something? I don’t, I don’t know like some words would be protected.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: So just, feeling like there was an area of, of legal expertise that Charlie felt as though he had some–

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: You know. Or I felt that, as though I had some ownership over.  I guess that was it. I, I can’t…how can you remember? It’s so long ago. I ran into Randall Einhorn this year–

Glenn:  Again, Randall Einhorn who directed this episode. Who’s directed many episodes.

Charlie: Yeah. But he hasn’t directed many, in a while–

Glenn: No, it’s been a while.

Charlie: So maybe his last season was like, 8 or something–

Glenn: I’m not sure.

Charlie: Ya know? And it was funny to see him and be like, wow, it’s a long time, since I’ve seen you.

Glenn: Yeah

Charlie: Ya know? And yet, you know him so well cause like–

Glenn: Where’d you see him? Did you work with him?

Charlie: No I just like, bumped into him at like a, the like, Hollywood function thing.

Glenn: You going to Hollywood parties?

Charlie: I went to one.

Glenn: You went to a big Hollywood party?

Rob: Now that, that actually sounds a lot more interesting, then, then the podcast–

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Why don’t you tell us about that.

Rob: What kinda function? Was it a soiree? A party?

Charlie: It was a soiree, but I have to remember what it was specifically.  If it was like Oscars, or Emmys, or one of those things–

Glenn: Probably not.

Charlie: Where everyone dresses up. 

Rob: How dressed up were you?

Charlie: Uh, medium? Probably.

Glenn: Cocktail attire?

Charlie: Uh, yeah. Cocktail attire right.

Rob: Dressed up medium. Dressed up medium.

Charlie: And it was raining, so I remember there was a tent and I saw Danny there.

Rob: Danny Devito!

Charlie: Yes. I saw–

Glenn: He’s a giant movie star.

Charlie: Randall Einhorn. I saw Paul Walter Hauser. Have you–

Glenn: Paul!

Rob: Ohhh!

Charlie: Who played our juggalo. Who’s gone on to be a, a great, great actor.

Glenn: Love Paul.

Charlie: So you know, I saw Scott Marder there.  And I said “come back and write this season” and he was like “I don’t if I can.” And then he proceeded to meet, to tell me a really funny story about his dad had been ordering this meat. And it got, he got this great deal on this meat. And then only later, like months later, for his wife to realize that he had been ordering dog food.  And didn’t realize that–

Glenn: He had been eating dog food.

Charlie: Yeah. And I was like–

Rob: You know, that’s why it’s such a big deal.

Charlie: this is why we need you back in the writers room. It’s a perfect Frank story line.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: And he’s like “I’m back”. And then he’s not been back.  But we just found out today, he’s back.

Meg: Oh really?

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Dog food, dog food during the day, and cat food at night, is pretty funny.

Charlie: Yeah there ya go.

Meg: *Laughing*

Glenn: You know what I mean?

Charlie: You gotta balance it out.

Glenn: You know, cause the cat food will put you sleep. Can’t eat cat food during the day, it’ll put you to sleep.

Charlie: And I’ll tell you what, I feel like who’s good at those parties is Mary Elizabeth. We went to one of them and she winds up uh, bumping uh, rubbing shoulders with Taylor Swift. And Taylor Swifts like “I’m a huge Sunny fan” and uh–

Glenn: Mhm.

Charlie: And then she’s like “Be in my music video.” So not, nothing like that ever happens to me. I just speak to people I already know. Like, like–

Meg: *Laughter*

Glenn: I kinda do that too.

Charlie: I’m like, “Hey we know each other, we can talk”.

Glenn: Also like, I assume with somebody like Taylor Swift I’m like, she does not want to talk to me.

Meg: *Laughter*

Charlie: That’s, that’s–

Glenn: That’s my assumption.

Charlie: That’s my first assumption as well.

Glenn: First going in I’m like, eh she wants to talk to like, ya know, Leonardo Dicaprio or somebody. She doesn’t wanna talk to me.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Ya know? But little do I know, she, she, she, desperately wants to talk to me.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: Apparently.

Rob: According to that story it’s–

Charlie: So anyway, I saw Randall Einhorn. That was why.

Glenn: According to that story, I’m, I’m gonna assume the next time I see her that she wants to talk to me.

Rob: So Taylor Swift was also at this party?

Charlie: That was a different one.

Rob: Oh.

Charlie: That was a–

Rob: You’re at all sorts of these kinds of parties.

Charlie: I went to 2!

Rob: 2 parties.

Glenn: 2 parties! 2 functions!

Charlie: Yes.

Rob: Wow!

Charlie: Yes. I went to the one uh, where–

Glenn: And you don’t remember what either function was about?

Charlie: They were like uh, industry night things. It was either Oscars or Emmys. They had big ol’ parties that everyone gets together. And I never go. And Mary Elizabeths like “You never go to these things.”

Glenn: Why would Taylor Swift go to the Oscars or the Emmys? I mean–

Rob: He doesn’t know what the party was. He’s just–

Charlie: I don’t know which one it was.

Rob: You’ll have to call Mary Elizabeth and she’ll know which–

Charlie: Here’s the, how I always feel: We’ll I’m not invited to the Oscars or the Emmys or anything. So why the fuck would I go to any of these things? And, and Mary Elizabeth says “Cause it’s good. You meet people.”

Glenn: It is good.

Charlie: And she’s right. She meets people–

Glenn: *laughing*

Charlie: And I see people I know.

Glenn: Yeah

Charlie: And that’s, ya know. That’s not totally true I–

Rob: They do tend to be very fun.

Charlie: Yes, they’re very fun.

Glenn: They’re very fun.

Charlie: You meet someone, you find out they’re a fan, and it’s fun. It’s good.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. It’s nice, it’s nice.

Charlie: But you also meet someone and it’s, you say that you’re a fan, and they seem like not so interested in–

Glenn: I don’t know who–

Charlie: And that sucks.

Glenn: Yeah that sucks. That’s, that’s a bummer.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: That’s a bummer. You’re like, at this point, eh, yeah well, oh well. *Laughter*

Charlie: I tell you I met Matthew McConaughey, not Matthew McConaughey. Um, uh Christ. There goes the brain people.

Glenn: Uh-oh.

Charlie: We’ve been writing all day though. Matthew Broderick. My Matthew Broderick story.

Rob: Matthew Broderick! Are you I haven’t.

Glenn: Did you have a run in with Broderick?

Charlie: I did! We were uh, SNL’s 40th anniversary party.

Glenn: Mhm, mhm.

Charlie: And that, was a fun night. Everybody who’s anybody was there. Except you guys.

Meg: *Laughter*

Glenn: This was, this was a while…40th? That was a while ago, wasn’t it?

Charlie: Yeah this was a while ago.

Glenn: Like 10 years ago?

Charlie: Like, something like that now. Yeah. I’m like “There’s Matthew Broderick. I’ll say hi. I’ll say hello.”

Glenn: Sure.

Charlie: And he’s kinda blowing me off. Like I’m just like some fan. And he’s blowing me off. He’s not being a dick, but he’s also like, ya know, really not engaging me. And uh, just at one point I go “Just so you know, I’m a person of value.”

Meg: You said that?

Rob: Woah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: What?

Charlie: I never told you this story?

Meg: What a move!

Rob: No!

Charlie: Yeah. And that stopped, and got his attention and he laughed–

Glenn: Did he laugh?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah he laughed. And then we, we chatted for a minute. But–

Meg: *Laughter*

Charlie: I don’t know why, I, I–

Glenn: That just seems weird for a guy who literally just told us that he goes to these parties and only talks to people that he knows, for you to be, not only trying to talk to Matthew Broderik, but being so insistent upon it that you would say something to him like “just so you know”--

Charlie: Well–

Glenn: And I know you were joking but–

Charlie: Yeah. Well, yeah half joking. But like,

Glenn: *Laughing* half joking–

Charlie: Probably because like, yeah. I don’t feel like I have great interactions at those things and then I probably was like, eh fuck it man come on. Fuck off, fuck off man.

Meg: *Laughing*

Charlie: Talk to me for a second.

Rob: *Laughing*

Charlie: And it was good. He was lovely.

Glenn: And is that because you’re a big Matthew Broderik fan? Were you excited to talk to Matthew?

Charlie: I love Matthew. Yes.

Glenn: What’re, what’re, what are your favorite Matthew Broderik–

Charlie: Election.

Glenn: Great movie.

Meg: Oh yeah. He’s great in Election.

Glenn: And he’s great in it.

Charlie: Yeah. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Rob: Oh yeah. The french, the french film.

Charlie: The french film.

Glenn: That’s a good one.

Charlie: Um…yeah.

Glenn: Mhm, mhm.

Charlie: And others.


*Ad break*

Rob: We are back, with a brand new year of podcasts. And thus, a brand new year of…Ads!

Glenn: Yes! A brand new year of, brands.

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Meg: I’ve used Better Help before and it was great. It’s super convenient that it’s online, so I can take calls from wherever I am. I could even take one from the podcast studio if I needed to.

Glenn: Mhm.

Rob: We do have good chairs for it.

Meg: Yeah, probably wouldn’t want my therapy sessions recorded though. But you never know.

Glenn: I feel like what we do on a podcast sometimes is, kind of a form of therapy, you know. But then again, none of us, none of us are licensed, and that’s really what makes the difference here right? When you’re talking to someone who’s an expert and what you’ve gone through, or, or, or are going through, that, that, that is truly invaluable.

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Rob: Charlie and I got into a fight–

Glenn: Well…well…

Rob: We got into, well, in the parking lot. With the, with–

Meg: *Laughing*

Rob: What are you…you’re in here to…Glenn. No, no uh, not following.

Charlie: Nah, he didn’t get it. He was trying to do a bit.

Glenn: Oh, that wasn’t funny. Um, so–

Rob: None of it’s funny. I was trying to perpetuate the, uh, for, for the–

Charlie: For the myth.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I find, I find myths annoying.

Rob: *Laughing*

Charlie: Ya know? Just like uh, like uh, gossiping–

Rob: I’m irritated by a myth.

Charlie: Making shit up. And it’s like, eh.

Rob: Making shit up.

Glenn: Hate. You hate.

Charlie: Get the fuckin’ facts.

Glenn: What about grief, Greek myths? Do you hate it? Joseph Cambell’s?

Charlie: Oh no, no. Fictional myth is fine.

Glenn: Oh.

Charlie: But being like, ya know “Glenn was crossing his leg, uh, all episode. And I think he might have testicular cancer.”

Rob: Oh right.

Glenn: Come on, come on.

Meg: That’s like, conspiracy theorists.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re right. That’s not a myth.

Meg: And there was a lot of conspiracy theories. Those re-editing–

Charlie: Yeah a lot of conspiracy theories.

Meg: of–

Rob: That was great–

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: I thought that was good.

Meg: What I was talking about was the, should tell listeners. We were talking about the live episode that we did, um, uh for the holidays. To raise money for charity and um, Charlie and Rob had a very, like, I don’t think you guys were that heated at all.

Charlie: We weren’t.

Glenn: As a matter of fact, if anyone..if anyone…if anyone thinks that, that was fighting, then that’s coming from someone who has no ability to uh, work through confrontation–

Charlie: Yeah.  

Glenn: In a healthy way. That was a, I would say that that was a very healthy, uh…confrontational feels like too strong of a word but, but it was somewhat confrontational. In the sense that you were uh, confronting Charlie about something, an issue that you have with him when we’re writing sometimes. When we’re working on the show. And, but, that doesn’t, but there’s so many negative connotations to that but it shouldn’t, it shouldn’t have to be that way.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: We should be able to have very honest and open conversations about, issues that we’re having with each other.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: And do it in a way that’s uh, you know, productive, and helpful–

Rob: But it didn’t actually seem like we were in a fight right? It was from when somebody re edited–

Meg: Re-edited to make it look like it–

Charlie: No I think it was because we are arguing, arguing about a creative point unfiltered. Which is much more true to how the show works.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: You know like. Although there as *unintelligible*.

Glenn: Which was what? Oh yeah?

Charlie: We have like, we have those arguments all the time.

Rob: Maybe I’m just so desensitized. I have those kinds of conversations with almost everybody in my life.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: I know but that’s you. You are, you are unique in that regard.

Charlie: But you guys have those arguments with each other.

Glenn: Have what?

Charlie: You guys have those same kind of arguments with each other–

Glenn: Yeah absolutely.

Charlie: I’m sure I have them with you as well.

Rob: I have them with Meg all the time.

Glenn: Yep.

Charlie: Meg, I have not had an argument with you like that–

Meg: No.

Charlie: but it–

Glenn: No, but I feel like it’s coming. I feel it’s–

Charlie: *Laughing*

Meg: *Laughing*

Glenn: You know what I mean?  I feel like it’s on deck–

Rob: It’s right on the presapous.

Glenn: It’s right on the tip of our–

Meg: No, I don’t… No like, I mean. Honestly, that wasn’t even an argument. It was like you saying the thing that you think is important, and Charlie saying the thing he thinks is important. Neither of you are asking the other person to change.

Glenn: Rob said things like, “and I think you’re dead wrong.”

Meg: *Laughing*

Glenn: Now, to most people. To most people, that comes off as extremely confrontational and negative. To Rob, that’s just like, “I’m telling you how I feel. I’m not saying I’m right.”

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: And that’s the difference. Is that, is that, if you’re saying, “You are dead wrong and I know I’m right”, that to me is the difference between it being healthy and unhealthy. When you say, if somebody says in a creative conversation like, “This is what I think and you think this way. And I have to say, I think you’re dead wrong.” But, as long as the openness to finding out that I’m actually the one that’s dead wrong is, is there–

Meg: Mhm.

Glenn: Then I think it’s a healthy confrontation. As long as you’re willing to admit, you’re never–

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: That’s the thing–

Rob: I don’t know how you could ever have a conversation with somebody and not express the way you feel. Or are you just lying?

Glenn: People do that all the time.

Charlie: I think—

Glenn: Are you kidding me dude?

Charlie: I think they’re lying just cause there’s like a little booze involved that had a little bit less of the breaks that it would normally have. You know what I mean? Like, we would have the same conversation, it would just maybe, down one peg–

Glenn: *Laughing*

Charlie: So I think maybe–

Rob: Instead of at an 8 it would be a 7.

Charlie: Yeah it would be at a 7. But like–

Glenn: But you didn’t seem angry when you were saying it.

Rob: But that’s more fun.

Charlie: No but–

Glenn: You were being honest to a degree that I think most, the average person would be very uncomfortable with.

Charlie: *Laughing*

Rob: Around somebody they’ve known for 20 years?

Glenn: No. People, people go through entire marriages for 40 years without really–

Rob: I can’t wrap my head around that.

Glenn: Neither can I by the way. I’m with you. I’m 100 percent–

Charlie: I can.

Meg: I think Charlie and I could do it. I just avoid conflict that much–

Charlie: No. I, I–

Glenn: And I think that we, I think that we avoid it a little bit. I don’t think that I avoid it quite as much as you do–

Charlie: I think I used to avoid it more. Yeah. I think I’m pretty good now at just, being like, hearing the information, taking a second with it and just being like, nah I think this. But you know, that took a while to develop. But in the beginning I would avoid it like…

Glenn: It’s like, yeah cause it can be uncomfortable. It’s like, it’s, it’s, it’s hard to, when you feel that like, you feel your ego. Right? You say something to me and like, you say something like “I think you’re dead wrong about this.” There’s always gonna be this little part of me that, that ego, part of me, that goes, that goes, “Who the fuck does this guy think he is. Fuck this guy. How dare he fucking say this to me. I’m dead fucking wrong. Like that’s bullshit.”

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: But then I go, then I go, “oh no that’s just my ego. He’s saying he thinks I’m dead wrong. That’s just his opinion. He is entitled to his opinion. Who the fuck am I to say that he’s not entitled to his opinion?” I can argue my point, and I can try to convinced you how and why I’m not dead wrong, you know? But I should also confront the possibility that maybe I am dead wrong. That’s healthy. To me.

Charlie: That’s something we always do, anytime we have a discussion like that, is we have post discussion afterwards. Right? Like a follow up. Which we did do the next day. Which was like, “I think I was thinking I was thinking this. I think you were thinking this. I think we were thinking this in the room. And this is why we’re feeling this way.” Which is why worked together for, I mean, 16 seasons, but 20 years.

Rob: Yup.

Charlie: Ya know?

Glenn: Yeah. 20 years this year actually. Uh, 2003. Yeah. 2003, the fall of 2003 was when we shot the very first version of the home movie. Yeah buddy.

Rob: Wow!

Glenn: Yeah buddy.

Charlie: 20 years.

Glenn: This will mark the 20th year of us working together.

Meg: You guys gonna do anything?

Glenn: We should.

Meg: Special little something?

Rob: With each other?

Glenn: We should. We probably won’t but–

Charlie: Let’s

Glenn: But we should. Alright. Well, should we talk about the mortgage episode?

Rob: Yeah, lets.

Meg: I don’t know, I want to talk about Brian Unger–

Rob: Oh, he’s the best.

Meg: In this episode.

Charlie: Brian Unger man–

Glenn: A gem.

Charlie: Is so damn funny. A lot of good actors in this episode.

Rob: Mhm.

Charlie: Like, P.J. Byrne works all the time—

Glenn: P.J. who?

Charlie: Uh, is it Birk or Byrne?

Meg: Byrne.

Charlie: Byrne yeah, Byrne.

Meg: He plays Tad. Is that the dad of the uh, the family that owns the house.

Rob: Yup.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: No, no.

Meg: Oh. It’s the–

Rob: It’s the guy we’re selling, we wanna sell the house to.

Charlie: He’s the guy who freaks out with the honey, honey and vinegar scene where–

Meg: Ah yes.

Rob: Yes, yes.

Charlie: Wasn’t he in Scorsese movies and stuff? He works all the time.

Glenn: *Unintelligible* We did uh, the pilot of, Boldly Going Nowhere with.

Charlie: Yes.

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: He’s the lead of our uh, our pilot. Uh, very funny man.

Meg: Oh and he plays the um, the husband of the couple that’s buying Dee’s baby.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Correct.

Charlie: The great Melanie Lynskey. That needs no description. Everyone knows who that is.

Rob: Yeah yeah.

Meg: Yeah they were, super funny.

Kate: Okay sorry. But do you have any history with drugs or alcohol?

Dee: Never. Neither.

Kate: Great.

Charlie: She is so good.

Glenn: Um, I, I, I’m going to throw in a plug for Melanie Lynskey here. She did a movie, that I believe that won sundance one year. Uh, it was bought by netflix. And, it kinda flew under the radar. Uh, it was called, I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore. And if you guys have not seen this movie, it is fantastic.

Charlie: Mm.

Glenn: It’s her and Elijah Wood and Christine Woods? Is that her name?

Charlie: Yeah, yeah yeah.

Glenn: Christine Woods. Who plays, my, the mother of Dennis’s child. She’s, she’s incredible in the movie. Umm–

Meg: It’s a thriller, a comedy thriller.

Glenn: It was made by the great Macon Blair. Who’s uh, incredible writer and director. Anyway, if you haven’t seen the movie it’s great. And if you guys have not seen the movie, you should check it out, it’s a lot of fun. It’s really really, it’s very Coen Brothers-esque. Yeah, it’s really really funny, but it’s also a thriller and it’s dark and it’s gruesome in moments. And there’s action, but it’s also super fun.

Charlie: What a–

Rob: Have you seen Mythic Quest?

Glenn: Have I seen what?

Rob: Mythic Quest.

Meg: Mr. Quest.

Glenn: What is this–

Rob: Have you seen Welcome to Wrexham?

Charlie: *Laughing*

Rob: I was just’re talking about these–

Glenn: I don’t, I don’t wanna–

Rob: Tiny indy movies that no one’s ever heard of. And you’re givin’ Melanie plugs for them, but you’ve never seen anything that…by the way! Not just me, that Meg also works on. Charlie created the show.

Meg: *Laughing*

Rob: You’ve never seen them–

Glenn: I’ve seen as many episodes of Welcome to Wrexham as you have of A.P. Bio.

Rob: Untrue!

Glenn: How many episodes of A.P. Bio have you seen?

Rob: 10.

Glenn: And I’ve seen, and I’ve seen, okay. I’ve seen 8 episodes of Mythic Quest. So I’m almost there.

Rob: How many of Wrexham?

Glenn: *Laughter*

Rob: Cause that’s what you started with.

Glenn: That’s what I? No I never–

Meg: He was talking about it the other day actually.

Rob: You just “I’ve seen as many...” it doesn’t matter.

Meg: He was talking about Mythic Quest the other day in the room. And complementing, uh, it. Specifically David.

Rob: David’s fantastic.

Glenn: Well I was complimenting his performance uh, uh, in the show.

Meg: Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: I think the show is uh, I think it’s fantastic. I do. I just–

Meg: Thank you.

Glenn: You’re right. Listen, eh, it’s fair! It’s fair, it’s fair. Part, part of it, part of it is that I can’t get Jill to watch anything with me. And there are things that she wants to watch together, but then I can’t. So I can’t, so then I’m like feeling–

Charlie: Not Rob’s things.

Meg: *Laughing*

Glenn: Penned in. No, no she does! So we don’t watch anything together anymore because we’re on…cause our kids never go to bed anymore.

Charlie: It’s a high class price. Could you imagine when we started this show that, there would come a point in time where we were fortunate and privileged enough to be in the situation where we’re doing so much work, that we have not seen each other’s shit?

Rob: I think about that all the time actually. Because–

Glenn: That’s true.

Rob: When we were first getting started and we would have people in our friend group that would get a job–

Charlie: You’d see that shit.

Glenn: Oh, you’d see everything.

Rob: some big event.

Charlie: Oh yeah.

Rob: A movie or a TV show, it’d be a huge deal. And now, people are just, everybody–

Glenn: There’s not enough time on the planet.

Rob: is working.

Charlie: Did they get the heat figured…it feels like they got the heat turned back on.

Rob: The heat is turned back on today. It was the first day that we had heat in this building.

Charlie: So there’s been without heat–

Rob: We are on a major studio lot.

Meg: Yeah. It’s–

Charlie: In the middle of the atmospheric river.

Rob: Yeah.

Meg: Yeah. A week and a half it took for them to turn their heat back on?

Rob: Yes.

Meg: I mean we were like huddled around–

Rob: And people are gonna complain–

Charlie: I wore a thicker sweater today ‘cause I was like, “it’s gonna be warm outside”.

Rob: I can already imagine the creeps. And the, and the, and the listeners, already jumping on top of us for complaining about how cold it is in our office. ‘Cause we’re in California.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: It was 58 degrees–

Meg: It was freezing in here–

Rob: in my office.

Meg: I wore my coat for the entire day.

Rob: That’s fucking cold.

Meg: Yes.

Glenn: That’s cold. That’s cold for an indoor environment.

Charlie: That’s LA cold.

Glenn: Yes. No, no. But for an LA–

Charlie: Indoor–

Glenn: Indoor environment anywhere.

Rob: 58 degrees in an office building.

Charlie: That’s cold. Like, if you were in like, North Dakota this time of year, you’re like, “58 degrees? Let’s go to the beach.”

Meg: *Laughing*

Glenn: Yes. If you’re outside. But again, 58 degrees in your office when you’re just sitting there at your desk, that’s cold. Even in North Dakota. Even in the Alps.

Rob: People were wearing winter hats and shit.

Meg: Well, just for those people in, in the Dakotas, then we’ll stop complaining about that. And, and I really do want to talk about Brian Unger. Just cause I was watching this episode and realizing that he occupies such a funny space. Which is like, he is a straight man to you guys, but not really.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: Like he, he like Charlie comes in to threaten him to ask…to challenge him to a duel and he accepts.

Glenn: Immediately.

Meg: Immediately.

Charlie: Well, well, well, well, well. If it isn’t the big time, hot shot, lawyer man.

The Lawyer: Oh my god. I do not have time for you.

Charlie: Yes so we both have busy schedules. So I’ll make this quick. A shadn’t mince words with you for long. I am challenging you, sir,  to a duel.

The Lawyer: I accept.

Charlie: *Laughs* Are you serious?

The Lawyer: Yeah. I accept your challenge.

Rob: That’s the funniest scene in the whole episode.

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: That is such a funny scene.

Charlie: That’s not straight man, funny man. That’s 2 funny men, you know? He really is–

Meg: He’s so good in that.

Charlie: Uh, it’s like, it’s like I almost start to become the straight man. As he becomes the aggressor in that scene.

Glenn: You’re the antagonist coming in. And then he, turns the antagonist.

Charlie: Yeah, he’s really really good.

Meg: It’s so funny. And he’s talking about puttin’ one between your teeth. And it poppin’ out the back of your head. And Charlie you’re just covering your mouth. Like in the…it’s such a good act break too–

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: It’s like, such a good like, “uh oh”.

Rob: Little known fact: Brian Unger was on the original Daily Show.

Glenn: Yup. He’s–

Rob: Original Daily Show. Before Jon Stewart.

Glenn: When it was Craig–

Rob: Craig Kilborn. Yeah.

Glenn: Kilborn. Yeah.

Rob: He was one of the correspondents.

Glenn: He was one of the original correspondents. And was super duper–

Meg: That’s so funny.

Glenn: funny on there.

Meg: We have to talk about Vic Vinegar and Hugh Honey from this episode. This is the birth of them, correct?

Glenn: It was.

Rob: Birth and death.

Charlie: Yeah it was. We didn’t really bring them back.

Meg: No because–

Rob: I think a one and done with them.

Meg: You call yourself Vic Vinegar again when you’re playing a bodyguard.

Glenn: Oh, oh yes.

Meg: With Brian’s stuff. But maybe Hugh Honey doesn’t come back in the–

Glenn: And I tell him that he’s washed. I’m like, “you’re washed up Vinegar”.

Meg: Yeah, yeah.

Glen: I’m like, “You got no” got no, followthrough? I can’t remember what I said to him.

Meg: But that storyline is so bizarre. It’s like you just announced you’re gonna do a good real estate–

Glenn: Good realtor bad realtor.

Charlie: Yeah, I mean–

Meg: I know it’s your thing. And we just watched it.

Charlie: It’s not our best. But you know?

Glenn: It’s not…

Charlie: It’s still funny.

Meg: It’s really funny. And uh, culminated line of Mac saying “I should take your wife upstairs and show her what it’s like to be deep inside a really big house.”

Mac: How ‘bout I take your wife upstairs and show her what it’s like to be inside a really deep house?

Tad: What?

Dennis: Huh?

Mac: What?

Rob: Yeah. It doesn’t make any sense.

Meg: It’s…yeah. *Laughing*

Charlie: But there’s something, I don’t, there’s something good about like, being young enough to not feel as though we need to justify it more?

Meg: Mhm.

Charlie: You know? Like–

Glenn: Funny’s funny.

Meg: Well, the fans say you didn’t cause the fans love it.

Charlie: Yeah! That makes sense.

Rob: They seemed to be into it.

Glenn: Funny’s funny. And if you think this episodes not that good…

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: I’d say you’re out of touch. And you’re dead wrong.

Charlie: Also it coming together at the house felt–

Rob: Zany?

Charlie: mm mm, yeah.

Rob: Silly?

Charlie: We didn’t need to do it.

Glenn: You mean when we come over and bash the door in?

Charlie: No that’s great.

Glenn: Oh, oh, oh. At the end.

Charlie: At the end yeah. Like we need to get to, I need a place to hide. And–

Meg: I don’t know. I liked you guys all ending up in the pool.

Charlie: Don’t buy the house. *Drake* doesn’t wanna buy the house.

Glenn: He thinks, he thinks that we’re, we’re merging the house and the baby thinks that we’re–

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: I thought that works.

Charlie: Do you think that’s something we came up with on the day? Like we had a different ending scripted? Like we did–

Glenn: No. No I think that was in the script.

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: I actually liked it coming back. ‘Cause, because you announced at the beginning “Should we merge the ideas” and then you–

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: Right.

Meg: end up merging them. Which I think is kinda funny. Satisfying.

Charlie: Oh yeah.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: Good!

Rob: We, uh, yeah we seemed smarter.

Charlie: We merged uh! “They made a merge reference and then they did the merge” no but I’m sure that is why we did it.

Meg: Yeah.

Rob: The stunt of the uh, of–

Meg: Jackknife?

Rob: Dee’s uh that uh, that was a stunt person.

Dee: Watch me bust out this sweet jackknife.

Tad: Oh!

Dee: *Coughing*

Rob: I’ve never, before or since, a stunt person, they’re always, they, they really throw themselves like 100 percent into everything they do. And they always want to do another take. And they’re always, obviously very safe. But still, they want another take ‘cause they wanna get it better.

Glenn: Mhm.

Rob: And you gotta kinda, write ‘em in and be like, “we got it”. That was the first time I had ever seen a stunt person go “DId you get it?” and we were like “yeah we think we got it” and she was like “good”. And we’re like “Do you want another take?” and she was like “No”.

Charlie: She’s like “no I broke something”.

Rob: Because, because there is no way to fake that. You just legit–

Glenn: You just gotta take it.

Rob: You just gotta take it.

Charlie: You just gotta take it. You got those abs.

Rob: There’s no–

Charlie: Owe.

Rob: Yeah. That is a belly flop. You know? And you just, and she hit it hard.

Glenn: She nailed it right away.

Charlie: Dee has had, probably the best stunt performances like–

Rob: Amazing.

Charlie: People that work for her. Like I think–

Glenn: Except a lot of them were her.

Charlie: Yeah well she, she as well has done great things. But she also has had great women working with her. Doing some incredible stuff.

Rob: Yeah. And the double was great. You can’t, it, it, it absolutely looks like–

Meg: You can’t tell.

Rob: it’s her doing that.

Glenn: No you can’t tell.  

Charlie: No you can’t tell at all.

Meg: Is that a stunt double of you guys kickin’ through the door from the otherside? I love that bit. That you were gonna ram the door from one side, and then you don’t get to. So then you decide to ram it from the inside out.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Meg: And then there’s a lot of kicking it that you guys are doing.

Glenn: Wait you I’ve never kicked anything…that was us. I’ve said I never kicked in a door before on the podcast–

Charlie: Really? You have, right there!

Glenn: but that’s, that’s not quite–

Rob: Kickin’ out a door.

Meg: Kicking through it.

Glenn: Kicking out a door.

Charlie: It’s a set door. A set door.

Glenn: Kicking through…yeah it was.

Rob: But it wasn’t, it wasn’t a set. I remember that was a whole thing.

Charlie: It was a breakaway door.

Rob: It was a breakaway door. We had to take the door off of the hinges and put a fake, put a fake door–

Charlie: If you look closely, there’s actually some miss matches of where the breaks are in the episode.

Meg: There’s also in that scene, another fly. That’s passing above Charlie’s head–

Rob: Uh huh.

Meg:  When he’s talking to the lawyer–

Charlie: Let me handle is Frank. It’s not paper. He’s making 2 good points. Look buddy, I know a lot about the law and various sets of lawyering. I’m well educated, I’m well versed. I know that situations like this, real estate wise, they’re very complex.

The Lawyer: Actually, they’re pretty simple. The forms are all standard, boiler plate.

Charlie: Okay. Well, we’re all hungry. We’re gonna get to our hot plate soon enough, alright. Now let’s say you and I go toe to toe on bird law and see who comes out the victim.

The Lawyer: Ya know, I don’t think I’m going to do anything um, close to that. And I can see clearly you know nothing about the law. It seems like you have a tenuous grasp on the english language in general.

Charlie: Okay well…Filibuster.

Rob: Now just to be clear, to digitally take a fly out of shot is so cheap, and so easy. Because it’s just like a few frames.

Glenn: But was it in 2009?

Rob: 100 percent.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Let’s go back and look at our dime then.

Rob: 100 percent.

Glenn: I’d like to point out, we didn’t even put a sound effect in when that, when we go through the door and the and the fucking battering ram lands on the ground, there’s no sound affect.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: No clang clang. Nothing. Just…I don’t know, it got missed.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: Yeah like they destroyed whole planets in movies, years before we were born. And it looked realistic, ya know? They could take a fly out of it. Out of a show in 2009.

Charlie: But I don’t want to take the flies out.

Meg: It looks, makes it look real.

Charlie: Yeah cause it gives it more life.

Glenn: Rob thinks you’re dead wrong.

Rob: No I think you’re dead wrong. I think what happens is it takes you out of it.

Charlie: There’s not enough flies in Mythic Quest. I gotta think back man.

Glenn: That’s probably my problem with it.

Charlie: Rob is too pristine. That’s your problem, right?

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: I think that’s why I’m not responding to it.

Charlie: You’re not responding cause the lack of flies.

Rob: You heard what you read about it.

Charlie: He read about it. Yeah.

Rob: The, it takes you out of it. And so far as Megan noticed there was a fly. If you notice there is a fly somewhere–

Charlie: Why wouldn’t there be a fly though?

Rob: Because it’s on TV.

Meg: Yeah.

Rob: Speaking of flies, um, my son asked about teleportation. And he’s like, “What, can we, can people do that yet?” And I was like, “No but maybe eventually one day”. But it’s sim…it’s kind of an amazing potential technology, where it basically takes you down to an atomic level, sends out information somewhere, and rearranges all the atoms. And he was like “Wow that’s cool”. And I’m like, “Yeah but what happens, just imagine this. If while you’re there, a fly, comes into the chamber with you…”

Charlie: Wait he pitched you the plot of The Fly?

Rob: I pitched it to him.

Charlie: Oh, oh, oh. I was like your kid is–

Glenn: No no, this is great. I want to hear—

Charlie: Your kid is a genius man.

Rob: I pitched it to him. And he was like “What…What would happen?” And I was like, “We’ll on the other end, you would be part man and part fly.” And he was like “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard.” And I’m like “Well what do you think would happen?” And he was like “ pffff, man, you’d like, probably eat a bunch of shit.” And I was like, “yeah”.

Glenn: “Well son. Let me show you what would happen.”

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: We’ll, you’d become very attractive to women. Here’s the VHS.

Rob: Somehow you become more virile.

Glenn: For a minute, and then it takes a turn. It takes a bit of a turn.

Charlie: It takes a real turn.

Glenn: When you’re at the coffee shop with the uh, with your, with your lovely lady, that you’re uh, that you’ve become much more masculine for. And then you pour the entire thing of sugar in your coffee. That’s where it starts to take a turn.

Meg: That’s where it took a turn for you?

Rob: That’s not where it takes a turn.

Glenn: I can’t remember. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it.

Charlie: Last night I drove over Coldwater Canyon in the rain.

Glenn: Mhm.

Charlie: Umm, cause that’s where my–

Meg: It was really raining last night.

Glenn: Scary?

Charlie: Scary. And like–

Glenn: Sketchy?

Charlie: Big time. Like the amount of water that was just gushing down the side of the hills–

Rob: Yeah yeah.

Glenn: Oh right. You’ve got to, cause you’ll get caught in like the mud traps.

Rob: You’d think a street named Coldwater Canyon–

Charlie: Yeah. I mean I–

Rob: In the rain.

Charlie: I was warned. I was warned.

Rob: You were warned.

Glenn: Yeah. You didn’t listen.

Charlie: I was on my way to see, I wanna talk about it, Mr. Jon Brion, who’s scoring the movie I’m directing and have been working on for so many years.

Glenn: Cool.

Charlie: And I love this dudes work. He is incredible.

Meg: He’s amazing.

Charlie: But anyway. It was a scary scary scary drive over there.

Glenn: Such a talented guy.

Charlie: Yes. In fact, we were scoring a scene that you happen to be in. Spoiler. But uh–

Meg: Does that like, awaken something in you of like, some primal like, getting home through like a storm and like–

Glenn: Oh I see.

Meg: You know, that sort of—

Charlie: No I was just like, I don’t know that I wanna die like–

Glenn: *Screaming*

Charlie: Listening to Smartless.


Charlie: You know–

Rob: It’s better to die listening to Smartless than to die listening to your own podcast.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Imagine if you were–

Glenn: Now that would be, yeah.

Rob: You know, you’re dead. And you’re all mangled. And, but the stereo’s still going.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And it’s the Sunny Podcast.

Charlie: Here’s what happens in the story–

Rob: People come up to you and they’re like “Oh man. He was listening to himself.”

Charlie: I got to like a really hectic point. A really like, where the water was like really coming down.

Rob: Oh I thought you meant hectic in Smartless. I was like, I don’t think those guys get hectic.

Charlie: No but I was like, the ad, I was like on the ad. And uh, Sean was reading some ad I didn’t wanna listen to I was like—

Glenn: Ohhh.

Charlie: I can’t look at my phone to–

Glenn: Uh huh.

Charlie: skip the ad because I really gotta focus to get through this little hairy part here. And I was like, but I don’t wanna have the hairy thing happen while I’m listening to the ad. It would’ve been fine in the regular part of the episode, but not–

Glenn: Those were the thoughts?

Charlie: Yeah. Speaking of ads…

*Ad Break*

Glenn: Hey you guys know what happened to me the other day? You guys ever on the go and just not had time for like, a full meal?

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: Has that ever happened to you?

Charlie: Yeah that’s like an extremely common occurrence.

Glenn: That’s why I’m glad that we’re uh, supported by Huel today. ‘Cause they help me out in a pinch. And you know, it’s an easy and delicious way to get a healthy meal when I can’t slow down to eat.

Charlie: Right. That’s because with Huel, you don’t eat. You drink.

Rob: Huel Black Edition is a high protein, nutritionally complete meal in a convenient shake. That means it has everything your body needs in 2 scoops including 27 vitamins and minerals, and 40 grams of protein.

Glenn: That’s right. And Huel Black is vegan, gluten free, lactose free. It’s got no gmos, palm oil, or artificial sweeteners ya know? Plus it comes in taste like cake.

Charlie: Oh man cake. I had so much cake over the holidays.

Rob: Let them drink cake.

Charlie: Let them have their cake and drink it too.

Rob: Mmmm.

Glenn: Yeah. Or just drink the Huel ‘cause that’s all your body needs.

Rob: Go to to get a free T-Shirt and shaker with your order. That’s and get a free shirt and shaker with your order. Go to Turbotax and don’t do your taxes. Meet with an expert who will do them for you.

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Charlie: With Turbotax an expert will do your taxes from start to finish. Insuring your taxes are done right, guaranteed. So you can relax. Feels good to be done with your taxes, doesn’t it?

Rob: Come to Turbotax and don’t do your taxes. Visit and learn more. Into it, Turbotax.

Glenn: Full service products only. Video meeting while and expert does your taxes required. See guaranteed details at That’s with an “s”. Guarantees.


Rob: You guys got any new year’s resolutions?

Charlie: No. I didn’t do that this year. I’ve tried it in the past, but, no. I’m good.

Glenn: Right on.

Charlie: You?

Glenn: I, I didn’t either. I didn’t either. I, I make resolutions all year lo…all yea…*exhales*.

Meg: *Laughing* He’s giving up already.

Charlie: Resolve to finish the sentence or are you gonna give up?

Meg: *Laughing*

Glenn: My mouth didn’t, my mouth did not, it wasn’t, it was my mouth that gave up. My mouth gave up and then my body was like “I gotta fucking do it, mouth?”

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: And then I just, then my whole body just gave up. And then you know–

Charlie: What about you? Was that a set up for you?

Rob: No it wasn’t a set up. I mean, yes. But my, my resolutions are only in place to, for shame. I, because–

Charlie: Ah that’s the catholic shit.

Rob: Yeah, like where I will. Cause I’m like you, we’re, we’re all trying. All year trying to do–

Glenn: Exactly.

Rob: Trying to better ourselves.

Glenn: Trying to set goals for myself all year round.

Rob: And so what I find is that I make, I set a goal and then my goal this year was a very simple one. Which was to stop complaining so much. To just stop fucking complaining. Just whenever I feel like I wanna complain, just be more grateful. ‘Cause A: It doesn’t get you what you want. B: it just makes you look and feel like a piece of shit. Just be grateful. And uh, man it’s hard.

Charlie: Yeah, you. I feel like you–

Rob: I might’ve doubled down.

Charlie: That ship sailed.

Rob: Part of the problem with resolutions is sometimes it feels like you actually go the opposite direction.

Meg: Yeah and do it moreso.

Rob: Um–

Glenn: Makes it, makes you. You create a stigma.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Granted, becomes even more appealing.

Rob: Yeah. But, but I will say if you, if you do at least make some kinda internal proclamation, you hold yourself a little bit more accountable then so. I find myself maybe complaining, maybe just as much. I don’t know. But then I’m going, why are you–

Glenn: It’s a, it’s a noble goal right? It’s good. I mean that’s the Eckhart Tolle. That’s the first step right? Is recognizing it when you’re doing it. Observing it.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: So, good on ya. Good on ya. I did have one, I did have one, this wasn’t a new years resolution, but I did lay down a challenge to 2 of my nephews. I’ve got 3 nephews. My sister’s got 3 boys, they’re older. Umm, my 18 year old nephew, and my 22 year old nephew. I challenged them to a pull-up contest.

Meg: Ooo.

Glenn: Now I’m 46. I’m about to turn 47. And I told those boys I was like, “Don’t let me beat you in this pull-up contest”.

Rob: Mhm.

Glenn: But now I’m determined to beat these guys.

Charlie: There’s an 18 year old in the mix?

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Oh man. Me at 18 could–

Glenn: But he’s big. He’s strong but he’s heavy.

Charlie: I had so much energy.

Glenn: I’m not saying he’s fat. He’s big. You know what I mean?

Charlie: He’s big so it’s harder for him to pull himself up.

Glenn: I don’t know but the other, the 22 year old is a little, a little leaner, and he’s been hitting the gym a lot. Ya know? This’ll be good–

Meg: How many push ups can you do?

Charlie: Pull-ups. They’re very different.

Glenn: Pull-ups.

Charlie: Is that hand forward or…?

Glenn: Uh, yeah and I’m gonna, traditional like wide grip pull-ups.

Charlie: Okay and how many can you get do you think?

Glenn: Ummm. I’m probably at 14.

Meg: Wow.

Charlie: That’s good.

Meg: I’m very impressed by that.

Rob: Yup.

Charlie: That’s very good.

Meg: I can’t do 1.

Glenn: He’s been, you’ve been doing them with like, weights tied to you.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I haven’t been doing that. Just, you know, so. That’s, I’m training for it. Okay, because uhh I said that we gotta get ourselves–

Charlie: Non stop, no touching the ground? Feet don’t touch down?

Glenn: Oh no no no. All the way up. I go–

Charlie: Chin over the bar.

Glenn: Nah, I go to mouth.

Charlie: That’s high enough.

Glenn: Cause this starts to get a little strainy. I feel like that’s kinda negative.  I think that’s high enough so.

Meg: I didn’t do any gym resolutions. But my resolution was based on something I started doing at the gym. Which is that my trainer started telling me when I would like, uh, cause I would lift to the point where like, failed. Ya know? Couldn’t lift whatever I was lifting? And she would always say like, good job you failed. And I was like, that just not–

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: Ya know for me–

Charle: “That doesn’t work for me.”

Meg: That doesn’t compute. But then I realized like, no that’s like, that should be the new motto for 2023 is like, trying and failing at stuff. And then feeling good about the fact that you failed at something.

Glenn: Good job at failing, no.

Meg: Because that means you’re like, pushing yourself and like–

Glenn: It doesn’t feel good to hear that.

Charlie: No.

Meg: No it doesn’t. But I’m, I’m kinda like in a place where I’ve gotta get used to it because I’m like, trying so many new things. And if I keep letting like every failure just rock me, I’m never gonna like–

Rob: What a great metaphor. But like, the reason you build, you build muscle is because your muscle is failing.

Meg: Yeah.

Rob: And the only way that you can grow is if you actually take yourself to that place.

Meg: Exactly.

Glenn: That’s true.

Charlie: Gotta be willing to fai–

Glenn: Gotta be willing to fail.

Charlie: to grow.

Meg: So that’s what I’m trying to do.

Charlie: That is a very good metaphor.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Something, something that uh. I had a trainer, uh, who would often do this thing where, you know, say we were doing something that was like 20 reps. And we would go, he would go up to 10 right? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10, and then he would start going down. 9 8 7 6 until, he was kinda like counting down right?

Charlie: Ah.

Glenn: And I feel like psychologically that was like, I had to tell him finally, I was like “You know what? When you count down, it stops my energy.”

Charlie: I don’t like the count down as well.

Glenn: “I need you to counting up. All the way.”

Charlie: Up up up up up.

Rob: You gotta go to the stars baby.

Charlie: Also I’ll break counts–

Glenn: Seriously like psychologically it–

Charlie: I’ll break counts into like little smaller sets.

Glenn: So do I! If I’m doing like 15, I’ll do 5, 5 and 5.

Charlie: Exactly.

Glenn: You do it too?

Charlie: Yes I do.

Meg: *Laughing*

Glenn: Hey.

Charlie: Yes I do.

Glenn: Hey man. We should hang out–

Charlie: Cause then I’m like, I only have to get to 5. And then I only have to get to 5. And then I only have to get to 5.

Glenn: Yes. We should hang out.

Meg: *Laughing*

Rob: *Laughing*

Charlie: Dude, we should hang out.

[End Credits]


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