On the pod, the guys revisit The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 3, Episode 6.
Rob McElhenney: You know what I got in here, guys, that you don't have?
Glenn Howerton: What’s that?
Charlie Day: A standing desk.
Rob: I got standing desk.
Rob: We are currently at the production offices of some show nobody's ever heard of called Mythic Quest.
Glenn: This is really nice, man.
Charlie: A different- A different Mythic Quest production office.
Rob: Yeah, this is, um, but what people don't realize is how shitty, uh, television studios actually are.
Charlie: Rob, what is this contraption you have in your office?
Rob: Um. Well, I did not have this installed. Clearly, this was installed sometime in the mid-'70s.
Rob: Based on the, uh--
Charlie: The stylings. The wood- The wood styling.
Rob: Based on the technology.
Glenn: We don't make things that are that size that only have one button on them anymore.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: Which is a shame.
Glenn: It's a waste of space.
Rob: You want to see what happens?
Glenn: Well, hold on a second, let's describe for the listener, uh, what- what we're looking at here. We're looking at, like, a rectangular box, right? A wooden box with a-a black button in the center.
Glenn: And that's it attached to some sort of wire.
Charlie: A cord- A cord coming off.
Rob: A very long cord. And doesn't this cord sort of remind you of an electrical cord from your childhood?
Charlie: Yes, yeah.
Charlie: Old-school cord.
Rob: Ear- Early '80s, mid-80s?
Charlie: Very like, uh, it's gonna cause a fire type of cord.
Rob: Yes. The technology is, not great.
Charlie: Okay. And when you first found this box, was it mounted under a desk?
Rob: Um, I believe it was on the side of a desk, yes.
Charlie: Mounted on the side of a desk. Okay.
Rob: It was hidden away.
Glenn: Very Dr. No. Very Goldfinger.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Charlie: So now this- this person with this mysterious button on their desk, let's- let's what the button does.
Charlie: So, Rob is gonna push the button. He's pushing it now and it is shutting the door-
Rob: Shutting the door.
Charlie: -to the office.
Rob: Now, how many people–
Glenn: Oh. Hmm.
Rob: -we're sitting in this office-
Rob: and saw that door close and got real scared?
Megan Ganz: What did she think?
Glenn: Right. Or he.
Rob: Oh, well, now definitely-- Well, could've been he.
Glenn: That's what I'm saying.
Charlie: Yeah, it could’ve been.
Rob: It could have been he. Yeah. I mean, look the-- [sharp inhale]
Glenn: I'm not talking about a female executive. I'm talking about a male executive.
Rob: No, no. Oh, it's a male executive.
Charlie: E- Even if it wasn't-- Oh, yeah. For sure.
Glenn: It's a male executive getting what he wants.
Charlie: Even if that button wasn't used for assault, just the intimidation alone of I like, you come in and we're gonna talk like, so you know, like I've noticed something about your work and then-- [makes creaking sound]
Charlie: Like, you hear the click and the door just automatically shuts.
Rob: Yeah, now, um, Megan also has one, just FYI in- in her office.
Megan: I have one in my office as well.
Charlie: So this-this office had multiple.
Megan: Yeah. Two.
Rob: Assailants? Potential assailants.
Rob: Uh, can we admit something to you? Can I admit something to you? I love it.
Megan: I love it, too.
Charlie: You use it all the time.
Rob: You wind up using it all the time.
Charlie: Now, do- Is there possibility that the button was installed because in-in this particular office-
Charlie: uh, there were people that maybe, uh, had a disability that made it difficult to get to the door? And so they said-
Charlie: -"Let's just make it easier for the--" There's not a lot of ramps though into this office or anything.
Charlie: No, so.
Megan: It doesn't lock the door. I feel-
Rob: That's a very important part.
Megan: -I feel we need to mention that.
Rob: It does not lock the door. Now, that makes a big difference.
Glenn: Now there should be two buttons. There should be one that closes it and one that locks.
Charlie: That's a lot of buttons.
Rob: Because if it locks it.
Charlie: You don't wanna have a desk full of buttons that you would need, like, an operator.
Glenn: Yeah. [laughs]
Charlie: And you're the boss, you know. You don't want to look like the employee-
Charlie: -without having to push too many buttons.
Glenn: Two buttons took up a lot of space back in the day, didn't it?
Charlie: Yeah. We- Well, you need the singular button.
Glenn: These days, you can get buttons real close together and they don't even need to be actual buttons. They can just be on a screen.
Charlie: Well, now you can just say things.
Glenn: Alexa, close the door. Alexa, lock the door.
Charlie: Alexa, lock the door.
Glenn: Alexa, make this person like me.
Glenn: You know what I mean?
Charlie: Or respect me or fear me.
Glenn: Fear me. Yeah.
Charlie: That's what those buttons were about.
Rob: Hollywood was a shady place, not anymore.
Glenn: No. We sorted it out.
Rob: Yeah. We sorted it all out, everybody.
Glenn: I feel, like, right? We got rid of the bad ones, didn't we?
Charlie: Well, we sent some to jail. Some--
Rob: Some of them, yeah. Some of them went to jail.
Glenn: Some of them got sent to jail. Some of them--
Charlie: Some of them got sent to Europe. [laughs]
Rob: Some sent themselves to Europe.
Charlie: Yeah. Some-some sent themselves to Europe which is the jail of the world.
Rob: But we-
Rob: Europe, jail of the world.
Charlie: Shame on you. You go to Paris now.
Glenn: “Oh no. Okay.” You know.
Rob: But anyway, we sorted it out and all the monsters are gone. And now Hollywood's great.
Glenn: Megan, when was the last time you run in- ran into a Hollywood monster?
Megan: Well, I only work with you guys so never.
Rob: Great answer. Don't cut that.
Glenn: Oh, my God.
Rob: Don't cut it. Don't cut it.
Charlie: Give us time. Give us time.
Rob: Yeah, give us time and then we'll- we'll get there.
*OPENING CREDITS 4:28*
[on screen] Ep. 26: The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation.
Glenn: So what do we- what- what are we doing here today-- Well, first of all, we're- we're here to talk about, uh, The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation.
Glenn: Uh, that's the episode that we're discussing today. But, um, in an earlier podcast, uh, I believe we had discussed some of my, uh, wildest dreams, right? Things that I'd grown up seeing in movies. Such as sinking and quicksand and, you know, cutting open a bag of mar- of, uh, of cocaine and then putting it on your gums and, you know. And then one of them, I believe that came up over the co-course of the conversation was kicking in a door.
Glenn: Right? I think Megan, you set this up. It's very- It ended--
Megan: I tried to get quick s-sand and cocaine but it didn't come through. But I found a door.
Charlie: Sinking-Sinking in cocaine would have been amazing.
Rob: This is what- This is what-- That would have been fun. This is what-- This is when you need a Hollywood monster, because a mo--
Glenn: A monster can get it.
Rob: He could get that.
Charlie: The person who had that button had the cocaine and if they were truly diabolical, had some quicksand as well.
Rob: Well, he had access to it, he knew the right people to call.
Charlie: “Oh, you want some quicksand? No problem, I got it. I can sink you in quicksand.”
Rob: There are benefits to working with monsters. They can get whatever you need.
Glenn: It's true. You yell at the right person enough and–
Charlie: It's the only way to get someone out of a four-picture deal. Just sync them in quicksand.
Glenn: Yeah. But the thing about quicksand is you get to watch it happen slowly and the person has the opportunity to change their mind, right? So you can pull them out of the quicksand.
Rob: Yeah, sure.
Glenn: You're like-- Yeah, you're going down, this is- this is happening.
Charlie: They should call it slow sand.
Rob: Yeah, it's not so--
Charlie: It's not- It's not quick at all.
Glenn: It should be called slow sand.
Charlie: Why-Why is it quicksand? It's very slow.
Glenn: It is very slow.
Charlie: But-But in the spirit of, uh, making those dreams come true.
Charlie: And, uh, an acknowledgment of a moment of this episode. There's a door that- that is constantly trying to be, uh, kicked open in this episode.
Charlie: Try to bash it open. I tried my own home keys, which I'd forgot about.
Glenn: Yeah, I love that. That's a great joke.
Charlie: A good- A good bit.
Glenn: That was an Adam Stein joke, wasn't it?
Rob: There's a lot-- There's a lot--
Glenn: It was an Adam Stein joke.
Charlie: It could have been.
Rob: That's great. Yeah. There's a lot of Marder and Rosell in this episode. Like you see that.
Charlie: Oh, a lot of Marder Rosell.
Glenn: They- They are all over this thing.
Rob: They're all over this episode.
Rob: All the racists' parts, that's them. All the racism.
Charlie: All of that. That's them.
Glenn: We can't throw them under the bus like that.
Rob: No. The racism was also us.
Megan: I feel like that’s–
Glenn: I was gonna say, are we gonna discuss the bamboo flute? Are we gonna discuss the--
Rob: we made some poor choices. Our hearts were in the right place but the behavior was wrong. I think as the filmmakers, we made some-some questionable decisions.
Glenn: Yeah. Yeah I think you're right. I think you're- I think that's fair to say.
Glenn: Charlie, you're a musician.
Glenn: Is that flute called a bamboo flute? Am I correct in-in saying that?
Charlie: I don't know? I don't- I don't know the racist instruments.
Rob: We can't always get it right. Sometimes we fuck it up.
Charlie: I'll tell you what got- I'll tell you what we got right. Leather dusters.
Rob: Dusters, yeah.
Charlie: Hilarious. Door-Doors marked pirate-
Charlie: -is very enjoyable.
Glenn: Some classics in this episode.
Charlie: E- Even you guys doing the-the, uh-
Rob: I know.
Charlie: -The judges was very funny.
Glenn: It was funny.
Rob: When we set it up, I was, like, cringing because I was, like, "Oh, this is one of the ones where we-we're-we're we parody something and it's gonna lock us in and date us.” And then I watched the scene and I'm like, it's funny.
Glenn: It's hilarious.
Charlie: It's super funny. Even if you don't know the reference. Danny being like, "No. It's a no, dog."
Rob: It might be funnier if you don't know the reference.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Totally. I got-- Again, I gotta highlight Kaitlin's drunk acting. I mean, my God. Her-her--
Charlie: Kaitlin's drunk acting is fantastic in this episode.
Glenn: You've got some mo- you've got some moments that really made me laugh hard in this episode, too.
Glenn: Like your-your whole explanation of the threat color.
Rob: Oh, that, well that was real thing, too.
Glenn: Oh, that was the other thing--
Rob: That was a real thing.
Charlie: Yes, that was a real thing.
Glenn: George Bush's- George Bush's color-coded threat-
Glenn: -alert system or whatever that was called. Uh, yeah, so we were spoofing that, but I love-- I also love how, like, your yelling and then you go, and then- and then, you know, Kai-- Dee says something about, like, "You're not gonna take over my talent show." And she's like, "It's already done."
Glenn: And, like you just completely drop it.
Glenn: You know. We're taking over this talent show.
Charlie: Also how angry you are at her for her impression of Rosie Perez-
Charlie: -was funny.
Glenn: You're constantly, like, yelling at her and getting angry in her-- at her in this episode that in a way that is just so funny to me.
Rob: Well, I remember-- So this is the introduction of the duster. And I remember that there-- It's such a long speech and I think–I remember getting really upset with myself because I'm trying to deliver it but not- but I- It was so long and I was just trying to get through it as f- as quickly as possible to, like, get out the information. And I remember that the glasses. That was like a last minute thing where Casey, our-our prop master was out in front of Patty's and was like, "I was thinking you might want some sunglasses." I'm like, "Well, let me look at them." And he showed me, like a group and I just put them on.
Rob: And I think the first take I remember walking in with it and you guys just started laughing and then from that point forward, it was impossible to get through a take.
Glenn: Yeah-yeah-yeah. That was good. That was a good-- that's a- that's a good look, man. That's a- it's a fun look. It's a fun look. The duster is undeniably the most badass coat.
Rob: I love- I love the part where- where you can't hear Dennis on the other end and you're just--
Rob: That is amazing.
Rob: When you call him--
Charlie: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. To gloat and then- and then-
Charlie: It's implied that he's like, fuck this. I'm coming over.
Rob: Yes. Yes. And your, "Don't, no, no, don't." And then you hang up. Your like, "Why did I call?"
Rob: And then I'm laughing at you.
Charlie: There's a lot of good stuff in this episode. And-and the twist and turns of the story are really fun. I mean, Danny jumping in, in the slow-mo shot, which again, had that flicker.
Charlie: So I feel like-
Charlie: -our version of slow-mo in those first two, three seasons, we never figured this out. Were we using some different kind of camera?
Glenn: I don't know what we used for that. Do you remember what kind of camera we used for that particular slow-slow motion sequence? I just remember we used The Phantom when we shot the Christmas episode.-
Charlie: Then we must have been using that Phantom thing, cause we shot the Christmas episode at the end of season four.
Rob: Had to adjust for the lights to make sure that they don't flicker like that, I mean.
Glenn: I-I know, it's very, it's very strange. I did enjoy the addition, that I believe we just added in post, of the, uh, the $6 million man.
Charlie: Yeah, that was good. Yeah, that makes it really work for me.
Glenn: It's pretty great.
Glenn: That's pretty good. Also your moment where you're like, uh, where you're like, "Wait, so you're going to spray my fiancé with water, exposing her breasts to the entire crowd?"
Charlie: That's really bad.
Rob: That's what I'm talking about.
Charlie: I know.
Rob: Like there's some dicey shit in there.
Charlie: Yeah. But we’re–
Glenn: But that’s before we–
Rob: I know.
Megan: But you guys get in trouble for it. It's like-
Charlie: I know.
Megan: And it doesn't happen, but-
Rob: I know, I know.
Charlie: I know. But you know, the fact that we're like, it's, w-what a change in times, right? Because we-we knew, it's not like we're getting caught off guard here and being like, "Oh man, these guys are behaving badly." Like, of course, we're like, "Let's set up a bunch of bad behavior and then have these people-
Glenn: Yeah, pay the price.
Charlie: -pay the price and lose.” And that was sort of what the show was. And it's interesting to look at it now and say, "Oh man, that behavior's bad." Like, no shit it's bad.
Rob: No, totally, but you know, it's that thing there's a- it's the wherever our meter is. Like, when we're in the writer's room and there's certain things where we're like, "No, that doesn't feel right." "That feels like it's too far." And I think our meter then was just in a different place than it is now. Meaning like it just gives us a little bit more of a–
Charlie: More pause to even say and then do it.
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: I personally, um, want to get to Glenn kicking the door in really badly. 'Cause I feel like that's exciting and fun and I feel like talking about the episodes is boring. I think it is. But then when I'm out in the world, apparently a lot of people are listening to the podcast, which is great. Everywhere I go, more people are telling me that they're listening to the podcast than actually watching any of the shows we make. Um, and they do enjoy us talking about the episodes and reminiscing. Do you find this part of the podcast exciting? I find it boring.
Glenn: Uh, it's not that I-- Well, you know what it is for me, I sometimes feel like it-it feels, uh, self-indulgent. It's just like, it's just like-like people talking about something that they already did and then patting themselves on the back about it. Or something.
Rob: Yeah and then be like, "Hey, man, remember that time? Remember that time?"
Megan: But that's what the podcast is.
Rob: That was the original concept for it.
Megan: That's the concept.
Glenn: It's a bad concept.
Charlie: I understand, I understand the like uh, fear behind that.
Megan: Well, we're too far, we're in it now.
Charlie: We’re in it now. Uh, I will say that, I think I can see how it could be interesting. Certainly, my interests and what I like to do align with a podcast where people would be talking about the process.
Charlie: Uh, so, if there's a, uh, you know, if there was a podcast with certain filmmakers, I'm, I wanna hear every detail, you know.
Charlie: But that's me and I know I'm a limited amount of the audience here. You know, I'm actually, I'm one person, but-
Charlie: I don't know, yeah, we should kick in some doors and that might get us really going on something.
Glenn: Charlie, before we do though, besides your orange outer shirt, or rust-colored let's call it.
Glenn: We're wearing the same colors. Look at your-
Charlie: Well, this is like a turquoise.
Glenn: Our color is similar though. Very similar.
Charlie: And yours is blue.
Glenn: It's blue.
Rob: I mean, this is--
Charlie: And your pants are black and mine are black.
Rob: Anybody who's watching on YouTube, and all the listeners, um, not only is this boring, but it's not even true. Glenn is wearing completely different colors than Charlie.
Glenn: Uh, Charlie, we're wearing the same outfit.
Charlie: They don't know if they don't watch, you know, um.
Rob: A lot of people watch. And I like that Glenn calls them creeps. And I think we should just call them the creeps.
Glenn: Well, when you call someone a watcher, it just sounds creepy. I'm not saying they're creeps. I'm just saying, when you call someone a watcher, it sounds creepy. Like call someone a listener, it's like yeah, listener.
Rob: Right, but I-I-I think maybe that's kind of fun, that if the au- the audience on the, uh, who's listening to the, uh, who is listening to this in-on the drive to and fro work-
Rob: -they're the listener and anybody who's watching is a creep. I think that's kind of fun.
Rob: That's the creep audience.
Glenn: Yeah, all right.
Rob: All right, yeah. Someone wants to look in.
Charlie: Definitely try to alienate as many people as possible. It seems like a great idea.
Glenn: Well, let's see how many of these creeps wanna see me kick a door in.
Charlie: All right. Let's do one for the creeps.
Megan: Oh already, okay.
Rob: This one's for you creeps.
Charlie: All right, we're gonna try to kick a door in, in this office.
Charlie: We have a door marked.
Glenn: I'm very excited about this, guys. I’ve always wanted–
Rob: Oh yeah, let's talk about it a little bit. Yeah. Tell me about it.
Charlie: Let’s set it up.
Rob: How are you feeling?-
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: Are you limber at this point are you stretched out? We should- we should have you stretch.
Glenn: Yeah, I could I could probably stand to stretch a little bit more.
Rob: Okay, how about, let's - let's guess how many kicks it's gonna take. I think- I think one.
Charlie: I think one.
Rob: But-but two at the most. It won't take any more than two.-
Charlie: Well, let's kick a door in. Let's do it, let's get- let's- let's get to work here.
Megan: Check my angles, guys. Check my angles. Make sure we’ve got–we've got a camera inside as well to get the inside.
Charlie: Oh, we’re covered.
Rob: Oh okay, so then--
Megan: And then we've got a-a wide there.
Rob: So, you're gonna kick it in, but what's the story? Like take us through, 'cause like, take us to a place.
Charlie: How are you feeling right now?
Glenn: Um, I'm excited, it's a little close. You put the microphone a little close.
Glenn: Yeah, oh same. You did it again. Um, I'm feeling- I'm feeling good. Um, I'm not that warmed up. I do wanna say--
Charlie: Tell it to the folks at home.
Glenn: Yeah, uh, folks, I-I do wanna make this very clear, um, that I never took martial arts in my entire life.
Rob: So what you're about to see is happening in real-time.
Charlie: So, you're not even a ninja and you think you're gonna be able to kick this door in?
Glenn: Uh, Ninjas don't kick in doors, for the record I--
Charlie: They sneak in windows.
Glenn: They're sneakier than that. They're much sneakier than that, okay. This is more of a sort of a SWAT team type situation.
Charlie: I like that.
Rob: Okay. Can I ask a question?
Rob: Is it more fun if it's Glenn kicking in the door or do you wanna play one of those characters from the 80s? Meaning, you have a story and there's somebody or something in that door that you need to get to because you wanna say something cool after you kick it in. You want to come into the door, into your camera in there and announce something.
Charlie: That's true.
Rob: Who are you looking for? Where's the girl?
Charlie: We're letting you relive your dream here for like, um, yeah, what's, uh, what's the line?
Rob: What's the narrative, you know? “Where's the girl?” Something like that? That could- that could be the villain or the hero. I don't know.
Charlie: "How do you get your kicks?" or something. You know what I mean?
Rob: Oh, you want it to be like a one-liner. Okay.
Charlie: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: Yeah, okay.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. "Let's go." is just a great one. Boom. "Let's go."
Rob: Because, I think also like commit to it, right? So, if it doesn't work once, don't stop. Like keep going until it opens and you might- if you wind up putting a hole through the door, you might have to bash through it like the, uh, the Hi-C guy.
Rob: The Hi-C guy.
Charlie: Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah-
Megan: The Kool-Aid Man.
Rob: The Kool-Aid guy, sorry. The Kool-Aid guy.
Glenn: "Oh yeah." Oh yeah."
Rob: That's what you should say.
Glenn: That's the fucking line.
Rob: Okay, "oh yeah."
Charlie: That's the line, "Oh yeah." Here it comes, all right. That's someone else's line.
Glenn: Alright, ready everybody?
Rob: Yeah, here we go, Glenn's lined up. He's lined up. Okay. Okay, here we go.
Glenn: Oh yeah!
Charlie: That was so easy. Now, you-you damaged the door.
Rob: Well, of--
Charlie: come and check this out. Uh-
Rob: I mean--
Charlie: Let's grab the camera here. You went straight into the drywall.
Charlie: So, let me get a little shot here. Into the drywall, we made-
Rob: More stuff to fix.
Charlie: -a hole. So.
Charlie: How do you feel right now, Glenn? How do you feel?
Glenn: Uh, an exhilaration that I haven't felt, uh, in-in quite some time, an exhilaration. I haven't felt in quite some time.
Charlie: Mic was too close?
Rob: How does your foot feel?
Charlie: Foot is fine.
Charlie: Foot is good.
Rob: What else can we break?
Glenn: Is this uh--
Charlie: Uh, sorry, sorry.
Rob: What this-- Hi, Emma.
Charlie: Oh, hi, Emma. Hello.
Rob: See, people are trying to work.
Charlie: People are working.
Megan: Hi, Emma.
Rob: That's Emma. This is working.
Megan: We just broke your door, I'm sorry.
Rob: Well, so this one, you-you don't wanna break the glass. But, out here, again oh, just, uh, for the- for the creeps out there. This is the beautiful LA River. And I know you've heard a lot about the, uh, the rivers in LA and this is one of them.
Rob: This is the one.
Charlie: Earlier, before we were discussing kicking in the door, we noticed there's some real flimsy wood.
Charlie: And we were thinking, gosh, this was wood that you could almost karate chop right through." It's bendy.
Glenn: Really wouldn't even take that much.
Charlie: You can do an elbow, maybe.
Rob: There's another bar underneath it that I'm afraid that you could break. But I wonder if you could kick that first.
Charlie: Well, you could easily kick through it, but now, now we're past talking about kicks and we're into chops.
Rob: But, I think you could chop through that.
Charlie: I don't know. There's a good chance--
Rob: Look, look, it's not- it's not even, it's not even-even fully--
Charlie: It's- it's popping up on the side, but there's a good chance you go to chop this, No, that's chop.
Glenn: Well, don't do that.
Charlie: Well, don’t do that. I think you could chop as hard as you wanted and you actually would not break through this.
Rob: Oh see, he's making it a challenge, which I understand.
Glenn: Oh shit. Okay.
Rob: I feel like what I want to do though, is remove this, because if you remove the-- I'm afraid if you go through-
Charlie: 'Cause you are gonna chop so hard that you're hoping you'll go through all three pieces of wood.
Charlie: You need to put something on top of this-
Charlie: -to absorb the blow. Although a ninja doesn't.
Rob: I'm not a ninja.
Rob: Well again, we established that Glenn's not a ninja. I'm not a ninja.
Glenn: No, and ninjas don't do that. That's too noisy.
Charlie: Well, I think we've learned that this piece of old particle wood is too tough for the three of us. What about that brick? You think we could smash the brick through it?
Rob: Yeah. You wanna try that?
Glenn: Smash it on one of our heads.
Charlie: Am I the one doing it now?
Rob: Or I'll do it.
Glenn: What's he doing?
Rob: I just, yeah.
Glenn: Is he breaking?
Rob: Is that- is that gonna work, it's like a hammer.
Glenn: Oh shit.
Charlie: Ooh, the brick just bounced right off of it–
Charlie: -but it did split through the wood, making it far more choppable.
Rob: Okay, all right.
Charlie: Okay, this is exceptionally choppable now but the brick. The brick did splinter it from the bottom.
Rob: I mean, the security is gonna be here, like at any second.
Charlie: Yeah, any minute now we're gonna get in trouble.
Rob: I'll do this with my right hand.
Glenn: Are these your-
Charlie: Oh, Alright. Alright. We did it, now you're not technically all the way. He put it back.
Rob: Well, this is the problem.
Rob: So can you-
Rob: We tore it.
Charlie: We tore it.
Rob: I mean, this is what these studios are made of. Just- That's sexual assault, broken dreams.
Glenn: Broken wood.
Charlie: This is Hollywood people. This is Hollywood.
Glenn: This is Hollywood.
Rob: Well, we're back.
Charlie: Well, we've done it. We've broken things, we've kicked things. And, um, Glenn, how do you feel?
Charlie: Oh, Rob has pushed the button and it's closing the door, for the non-watchers.
Rob: For the listeners.
Charlie: For the listeners.
Rob: Door's closed. Glenn, how do you feel?
Glenn: He asked me in his creepiest voice.
Rob: How do you feel, Glenn?
Glenn: You know, I think, you know, honestly, uh, it was- that was exhilarating.
Charlie: Yeah, right.
Glenn: That was a lot of fun. Um, I really enjoyed it. Uh, I did not, in fact, stay in character like I promised, because– but then I kind of came out of character because I was like, "That was too fucking easy."
Glenn: And then remembered I had a line and, you know, so had that been my one take, I would've fucking blown it, But, um, I would like to do it again. I would like to do it again. And I would like to do it again with a-
Rob: Oh, real.
Glenn: -that was a particularly flimsy door, like--
Charlie: Yeah. I wonder if it's just the fact that the door is locked and a lock sort of symbolizes no to you and you kicking in that lock says, "No, I will not be constricted."
Rob: “I will not be constrained by the laws.”
Charlie: “Constrained by the-the the laws of physics.”
Charlie: “-or America.”
Rob: “City, the county.”
Charlie: Or this flimsy door." I am godlike." You know, like I wonder if that's why it feels so good.
Glenn: Yeah, absolutely.
Charlie: It would've been cool to kick the door clean off the hinges. Like that, I bet feels great.
Glenn: Yeah, that'd be--
Charlie: But, that would require the door to really be bolted on both sides, from a physics standpoint.
Glenn: Oh, yes right.
Charlie: -which, I am sure of the science.
Megan: By the way-
Glenn: Yeah, no you're right.
Megan: Glenn, you did a pretty impressive spin kick in the episode.
Charlie: Oh, yes.
Megan: -Uh, to try to kick the door.
Charlie: I'm sure he's glad you brought that up. Um–
Glenn: Um, well sure, yeah. I mean listen, I-I, again you know, as I made it clear earlier, never taken any martial arts class in my entire life. And the first time I'd ever attempted a spin kick in my entire life, was when we did that bit on show.
Glenn: And I have to say, like, it shows.
Charlie: It looked pretty good. No, I thought it looked good.
Glenn: It looked pretty good.
Charlie: I think the duster makes it look good.
Rob: That's the thing with the duster, it enhances anything.
Charlie: Flapping it-
Glenn: Oh sure, you guys can't give me this. You can't get me this. You gotta- you gotta credit the duster for my form on my kick?
Rob: I'd have to re-watch.
Charlie: I don't know enough about spin kicks to know.
Rob: Well, that's fair.
Charlie: -whether it was good or bad, I think it's good. I think it looks like a good spin kick.
Charlie: And I think the duster, I think both things are true.
Glenn: It enhances it.
Charlie: The duster makes it look awesome.
Rob: It enhances it.
Charlie: Cause there are flaps and leathers flying everywhere.
Glenn: Yeah, the leathers.
Charlie: Uh, this-that section of this-that whole episode is-is, I think, the show at its finest. But, we are arguing about the way, like we have a conflict, which is that we wanna get past this locked door.
Charlie: But then--
Glenn: We have the same goal.
Rob: It even starts even earlier, as you're entering the bar.
Charlie: We're arguing about who should have worn the duster.
Rob: You have a very specific goal that you're both aligned with.
Rob: Right or aligned on. And then you- and then you very quickly are arguing about something, about how to achieve that goal.
Rob: And who should be wearing the duster.
Charlie: And the just the added level of conflict of, you know, "I think I'm gonna try my keys." "No, that's not gonna work." But what's really funny is that we're- we're conflicted, but we're, in this particular one, we're not like really at each other's throats about it, which is funny. It's like a- like mild conflict. So like, "Uh, I don't think your things, let me try my thing."
Rob: When you're going back and forth, which is like, you're there on a mission but one of you wants to wear the- do you both think you should wear the duster? And then you, okay, let's get back to the mission but wait, both of you are on the same page and you gotta drink the beers.
Glenn: Micro beers.
Rob: Let's definitely drink the beer and then we'll get back on the same page. And then you're looking around, right, you're on the same team. And then Charlie sees the door, who lives behind that door.
Glenn: Yeah. Oh yeah, that's another great one.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn:You know, it was like--
Charlie: "What do you think?" "Let's find out," "let's stop arguing about."
Glenn: “And find out what lives in there."
Charlie: And find out what lives in there", yeah.
Rob: “Do you think a pirate lives in there?”
Megan: Was that pirate, private stuff scripted, or did you guys just make that up on the day?
Charlie: The key- the key thing was scripted, 'cause I wouldn't have had a keychain in my pocket.
Glenn: The key thing was scripted and I'm almost positive that was an Adam Stein joke.
Rob: Yes. I think the pirate joke was an Adam Stein joke too.
Charlie: I think, no, I think, no, that's what I think it was. I think the pirate joke was an Adam Stein joke.
Rob: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah and-
Charlie: The key thing, I think was my- was my idea.
Glenn: Oh, it may have been.
Charlie: 'Cause I-I just remember thinking it was so dumb someone would try their own keys, but also kind of why not?
Rob: Kind of made sense?
Charlie: Kind of, yeah. Made just enough sense that you're like, "Well, I guess it's worth a try."
Glenn: Now, sorry Adam Stein. I tried to give you credit.
Charlie: Yeah, I'm giving credit, for arguably, the better joke, which is the-
Rob: The pirate joke.
Charlie: Um, a man that just reminded me of something, uh, that I'd forgotten, but there was a background performer in this scene, who when we were banging ourselves against the door, Fred had to keep giving them the note. 'Cause the person kept doing the universal sign for that person's crazy. Where you crank- you crank your finger in a circle and roll a-and point it at the side of your head and roll your eyes and--
Charlie: Something no one has ever done ever to describe someone who's crazy. “That person's crazy.”
Charlie: And I remember-
Glenn: - What is that meant to symbolize your-your brain is like tumbling around inside your head--
Rob: Yeah, it's scrambled, maybe.
Charlie: Yes, yes. It's that.
Glenn: Like a fucking cement mixer.
Charlie: Yeah, it's flipping over and over and, uh, not where it should be. Um–
Charlie: Yeah and I remember that being one of the first times seeing a director have to tell a background performer like, "Hey, man, take it down a notch."
Glenn: Yeah, that's awkward.
Glenn: It's awkward. Well, actually, I think the director's not supposed to talk to, it's gotta be the AD, right?
Charlie: Oh, that's what it was, right. So, the director has to tell the assistant director who can tell talk to the--
Glenn: That's a DG, is that a DGA rule or is that a- is that a background artist rule?
Charlie: It's a crazy ass rule that makes no sense.
Glenn: It is crazy. Gets broken all the time.
Rob: Speaking of crazy ass rules that make no sense, have you guys seen, uh, the most recent news on daylight savings?
Glenn: It looks like we're gonna do away with it, yeah? Or is that? The Senate voted unanimously.
Rob: The Senate voted unanimously. Uh, the house- It's not up to the House quite yet. It's not- it's not been brought to the House, so we don't know when that's going to happen.
Glenn: I thought things started with the House of Representatives and then went to the Senate. Am I crazy?
Rob: I think it goes from the Senate to the- to the house, but I don't know.
Glenn: I thought things went from the House to the Senate.
Charlie: I would've thought that, yeah. I would've thought the other way. I would've thought the House--
Glenn: I love that all four of us don't know.
Charlie: House has less power, so then it goes to the House, then it goes to Senate. “And then it becomes a bill on Capitol Hill.” Remember that, remember that cartoon?
Glenn: Yeah. I do. Yeah, absolutely.
Rob: They have an equal amount of power, but each individual member has less power, cause.
Glenn: That's right.
Rob: -there's many, many more of them, than there are senators.
Glenn: Mm-hmm. I–
Rob: But, this still has to pass that. And-and I just read a whole article about how we-we as a nation have done this before. In 1970, we did this.
Glenn: What do you mean?
Rob: For two years.
Glenn: We tried it and it never passed?
Rob: Yes and it didn't work. And people were miserable. The public at the time overwhelmingly decided, "Let's get rid of it." And then two years later, they're like, "Can we have that back please?" And it was reenacted.
Glenn: Wait who, the people? The people wanted it back?
Rob: Yes, the people wanted it back.
Glenn: Why did the--
Rob: Mostly it was throwing people off to be getting up in the morning while it's dark for such a long period of time.
Glenn: But it's darker now.
Glenn: When we wake up in the morning.
Rob: Yeah, it was- it's like ruining people's, uh, circadian rhythms.
Glenn: Fuck your circadian rhythm, I'm sorry.
Charlie: Well, that circadian rhythm's gonna get locked in-
Glenn: Yeah. Sure.
Charlie: -when you just stick with it for a while, that's- that's what wires it in, right?
Rob: Well, we can also just shift.
Megan: It looks like it goes from the House to the Senate.
Rob: Yeah, so then what happened? Why did the Senate- so the senate just decided-
Rob: We're just gonna do this."
Glenn: Right, so-
Rob: Now we're gonna kick it to you.
Glenn: Okay guys, we're gonna have to do a little civics lesson.
Megan: This is less exciting than kicking doors down. I gotta say. Civics lesson.
Glenn: I think this is great stuff. By the way--
Rob: I like that people tune in, um, to get disinformation.
Glenn: Yes, absolutely. Well, that's what podcast is all about.
Rob: It's not even disinformation. It's just a lack of information.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, this isn't-- We're serving up zero information.
Glenn: There's no information being served. Um, I-I will say, I saw some comments on the-the-the, uh, we were posting-- We posted a clip, I think this morning, or maybe it was, I don't know, recently, where we're talking about the daylight savings thing. And I saw one comment on-on there, 'cause I do like to read some of those comments. And-and one person was like, you know, saying something like, "Well, no-no, we do need daylight savings time because it's important for the plants and the animals to have the maximum amount of sunlight. You know what I mean? Uh, cause if they don't, then it's gonna affect like the plant life and this-" And then somebody commented below them, "Do the plants and animals know what time it is?"
Charlie: Yeah, that's
Glenn: Fucking idiot. I-I couldn't tell if– maybe they were being–
Charlie: That might’ve been a joke.
Rob: Yeah, that might’ve been a joke. Come on.
Charlie: That's almost too dumb. That's almost too dumb.
Glenn: They seemed-- It's- It felt serious. I don't know. It’s pretty dumb.
Charlie: Well, a lot of people have devices that- and they can write things down now and put them out in the world.
Rob: Yep. And they're not-- They're not smart.
Glenn: Just like us.
Rob: Yeah. We can-- Dude, we can put things out in the world. We-
Charlie: We have a major platform and we don't know how the House and Senate works.
Rob: Yes. And we're not smart. I mean, this is-- That's a revelation right there.
Glenn: What, that we're not–we’re discovering that we’re not.
Charlie: Yeah, but we could kick in a door.
Rob: Charlie was just suggesting that some people shouldn't-
Glenn: Could you kick in a door?
Charlie: Could you kick in a door? I don't think so.
Glenn: I don't know when things go to the Senate, but can you kick in a door?
Rob: I've never seen you make that face before.
Glenn: I-I've never made that face. I don't think-
Rob: Can I see it again?
Rob: That looks like a puppet version of you.
Charlie: He's scrunching his face in a amusing way.
Glenn: I might not know when things go to the Senate, but can you kick in a door?
Charlie: Well, we had a lot of people trying to kick in the doors of the Senate. Uh, that was interesting.
Rob: Yeah, we did that.
Charlie: Um, we did that.
Charlie: We're a nation of door kicker inners. What-what-what can we say?
Glenn: We sure are. I kicked in the door-- I mean, I kicked in a door in the episode prior, right?
Charlie: You did. You did, yes.
Glenn: Two times.
Charlie: We just didn't see it happen.
Glenn: Well, it was this–
Rob: We were on the inside, yeah.
Glenn: The first time we didn't see it, but the second time when I come in in the dress, you know, uh–
Megan: Oh, that's right.
Glenn: What do I say? Um, uh–
Glenn: “Behold a man in all his glory,” or something.
Charlie: Something. Um, if-if you really wanna get into something, uh, Rob, go ahead and-and needle Glenn about uh, the drinking uh, and why–
Rob: Oh. Oh, you know, we should do a listener poll. We should do a listener poll. Um, uh, for anybody who's-who's listening to the podcast.
Charlie: Oh man.
Glenn: So stupid.
Charlie: Don’t make–you’re gonna– Are you gonna slap another poll on Glenn?
Rob: Well, uh, yeah.
Charlie: He keeps polling you, dude.
Glenn: Oh, you're just as bad as our government. Just all-
Charlie: Ah, all these poll.
Rob: I'm fascinated by you thinking that you've- you have this revelation. You've come up with this-this like- this hangover cure that nobody's ever heard of.
Glenn: Yeah and what is that Rob?
Rob: But it's-- it's-
Glenn: What is it?
Rob: It's having a drink and then drinking a glass of water.
Glenn: You're already wrong, right off the bat. You're wrong. And this is why- this is why I know. And this is why I know that your argument's fucking bullshit, 'cause right off the bat, you don't even know-- you don't even remember what my formula was.
Rob: Okay, what's your formula?
Glenn: No, I don't wanna tell-- I don't wanna tell you anymore. ‘Cause you're just gonna fucking make fun of me.
Rob: You don't want me- you don't want me to reap the benefits.
Glenn: I-I'm happy for you to reap the benefits. The problem is that, you-you know, you-- And you said the same thing earlier, like, "Oh, you-you know, you think you made up the thing." I'm not saying I'm the first person to do it. I'm just saying, I discovered-
Charlie: It's your method, it's your method, for you.
Glenn: No, I just am saying, I discovered a way to get drunk and not get a hangover. That's all I said. I didn't say I'm the first to ever do it and no one's ever done it besides me.
Charlie: It's the word-- It's the term discovered,
Rob: Yeah, discovered.
Charlie: -that makes it seem like it's–
Glenn: I discovered it for myself.
Rob: You were presenting it as a revelation to us, as if we-
Glenn: Yes, but you don't remember what it was. So, you're-you're saying it isn't, but you don't remember what it was.
Rob: Could you tell us what it is?
Glenn: I'm happy to.
Glenn: Uh, you pick a, uh, a clear liquor. I would argue vodka's better than tequila, but either one I think works because they both, uh, they have less impurities in them.
Glenn: And you drink the-- You do a shot of that and then you-- Like if you're at a-- You drink a bottle of water and then you do another shot and then you drink another. And then, what you do is you carry around the party, you carry a bottle of water.
Charlie: You make sure you drink as much water as you drink booze.
Glenn: Well, you're actually drinking like-
Charlie: More water.
Glenn: Say what, like around 10 times as much.
Rob: Can we rewind the tape? Just so–
Glenn: Yeah. You didn’t say–
Rob: I said for every drink you have, you drink a glass of water.
Glenn: And that's not my formula.
Charlie: I'm lost.
Rob: Am I- Am I being gaslit?
Glenn: Uh, well, no, no, no, no. I'm being gaslit because what is-- Okay, define-define an alcoholic drink. Only clear- or only clear liquors are-are alcoholic drinks?
Rob: Well, first of all, I- that's the first time I've heard you say clear liquor.
Glenn: I said that on the podcast when I said the formula.
Megan: That’s true, that’s true.
Rob: I don't know if that's true, okay?
Charlie: I feel like I recall that.
Glenn: I 100%.
Megan: I-I had to watch that episode like five times.
Charlie: 'Cause you were looking for–
Glenn: A clean buzz.
Charlie: –looking for a clean buzz.
Megan: “A clean buzz.” When Jill stays sharp.
Charlie: When Jill stays sharp, she’s got a clean buzz.
Glenn: It's got to be clean. It's got to be pure if it wants to get inside my body.
Rob: Okay, so beside-besides that, the-the choosing of the liquor-
Glenn: Yeah, besides that, you got it right. Yeah.
Megan: I just like that you guys used that button to close the door and now you're in here arguing about your polls.
Megan: [laughs] I was trying to do a joke, it didn't work. I get to cut that.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, you get to cut that.
Glenn: Megan. Megan.
Rob: No, you know we got to keep that in there. Keep that for your show.
Charlie: Yeah, keep that. Yeah.
Glenn: I just wanna say- I just wanna say though, I-I-I'm not saying that I invented it and nobody's ever done it before. I'm just saying, I discovered. I discovered for myself that that was a way of drinking. And-and then in order to experiment with it, I was like, "Jill, you should try this because we were going to a thing." And she was like, "Ah, I just don’t– I'm gonna get a hangover." And I'm like, "I have a thing, try this." And then she did it.
Glenn: And she was like, "oh my God" you know? She had the right response because she actually tried it. Not two people who have never fucking done it.
Rob: What? I mean I literally do it every single time I drink. I recognize-
Glenn: You drink vodka and–
Megan: You didn't drink any water in the drunk episode. I have the tapes.
Rob: I recognize-- But I-- But I do recognize that the more water I drink, the-the less hungover I'm going to be. Everybody in the world knows that.
Glenn: But that was–alright, we’re just going in circles.
Megan: Wait, so can you talk about your-- can you talk about your hangovers that you had after we recorded that episode?
Glenn: Oh God.
Megan: Who had the worst?
Glenn: Did we not talk about this yet?
Megan: I don't think so.
Glenn: Oh, I definitely had it the worst. Definitely I had it the worst
Charlie: Yeah, you got sick, right?
Glenn: Just because I texted you guys. So I-I only know I had it the worst 'cause we text with each other and-
Charlie: I don't- I don't- I mean I'm-I'm- I knew I was like–
Glenn: Actually, I don’t remember what you said.
Megan: Charlie drank the most because you had two beers.
Glenn: 'Cause he had that extra Guinness, yeah.
Charlie: I had three beers.
Megan: You had three?
Megan: Oh, okay. And Glenn, I don't even know if you'd finished that one beer, but then Rob and I just did the shots.
Glenn: Well, I-I-I-I mean again, I wanna-- Part of the problem was I didn't eat anything.
Glenn: Well, it's not that I didn't eat anything. I barely ate anything. I had like a couple of bites of something and some potato chips, but like that's not-- You can't do that and have seven shots of whiskey. It's just- I was- I was annihilated.
Megan: I was surprisingly- I was surprisingly okay, which made me kind of worried. Like I got up and did work. Actually, the next day I had to come and break down the whole studio and like put all the mics away and everything and it felt distinctly like-- Did you ever do that in like college where you threw a party in your house and then the next morning, you had to like be around the party stuff. And it's always like the worst when you have the hangover and you're around–
Charlie: Oh yeah. Just the smell of the old beer.
Megan: Yes, ugh.
Rob: But, back-- But back when I was doing that, it was like, you would be picking up cigarette-- Like the red cups with like cigarette butts.
Megan: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: Remember when you'd like pick up a beer that you thought was yours and you'd go to drink it and it had a cigarette in it?
Rob: That doesn't exist anymore, right?
Rob: I guess it still does. People are still doing that.
Charlie: People are still, well–
Glenn: It's not as often though.
Rob: You can't smoke indoors.
Glenn: Well, less people smoke in general, I think.
Charlie: Um, I definitely felt like shit the next day, for sure. But, I-I-I always feel like crap after I drink now.
Charlie: Uh, and-and always in my life did, so you know? It fucks- it fucks me up.
Glenn: I-I-I-I-I had what basically amounts to the flu for the first half of the next day. Like I-I was not out of bed and even remotely functional until about 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon. Yeah.
Rob: That's a shame. Because you guys, you were so fun. Both of you were so fun.
Glenn: Well, it's-it's also i- well, like bourbon, I-I don't- I don't- I don't know, my body doesn't metabolize bourbon well.
Rob: Let's do the next one with vodka, okay? Alright, fuck it. Let's do the next one with vodka or tequila and we'll do the goddamn thing with the water.
Megan: And I'm gonna bring a-
Rob: But here's what we're gonna do,
Glenn: The thing that I invented?
Rob: –we're gonna drink- we're gonna drink nine shots and you're gonna drink all that water. And then you're gonna wake up the next day and you're gonna feel like shit. 'Cause it doesn't matter how much water you have.
Glenn: Well, nine shots, yeah. No, no, no, nine shots, I'm-I'm with you there. I'm with you there. That's just-- That's just-
Rob: It doesn't matter how much water you drink, if you drink enough alcohol, it will poison you.
Glenn: Well, I'm with you there. No, I will-- Yes, I will concede that absolutely. I will absolutely concede that. But I'm-
Rob: So what you're suggesting is you just drink a conservative amount of alcohol and then also hydrate and also it be on a full stomach, and then you won't feel hungover?
Glenn: I-I can see where you're headed with that and, yeah.
Rob: Yeah, I know you can, 'cause you know me very well.
Glenn: Yeah, I-I know where you're headed with that. And no.
Charlie: I'm gonna let you guys battle that out.
Glenn: So no. So no.
Charlie: I'll have some drinks with you. I'm not- I'm not drinking nine shots. Fuck this.
Glenn: No, I’m saying–
Charlie: I won't-- At some point, my body will be like *Noise* "See ya."
Glenn: You think so?
Glenn: You got one more-- You got- Let's do one every, you know, every month or so.
Rob: Six months? Oh, oh wow.
Glenn: No, no, no, no, I'm joking. I'm joking. Yeah, once every couple months. Your liver's got that in it, don't-don' you think?
Megan: Next time I'm gonna bring a breathalyzer, so we can see who has–
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: I don’t know, I don’t know.
Megan: 'Cause I bet I would've had the highest, just because my body weight versus-- Because I drank the same amount, but–
Megan: I was-- I should have brought a breathalyzer. We saw someone on Instagram posted that they were watching the drunk episode while giving birth. Like, they were in- Kaitlin reposted it-
Charlie: Get the fuck out of here.
Megan: -they were in labor- this woman in labor and like, on her phone like,-
Megan: -"Well, were gonna have a St. Patrick's Day baby," and like, the podcast was on the TV in the hospital.
Glenn: That's crazy.
Megan: It was wild.
Glenn: Oh my god.
Rob: We're changing lives.
Glenn: Do you have a face- Do you have a face about that?
Charlie: Yeah- Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one, Rob.
Rob: Guys, we're changing lives.
Megan: Oh, we are.
Glenn: Well, guys, this has been fun. Uh-
Glenn: Thank you for letting me kick in the door to your office.
Glenn: I really appreciate that. I really do. I sincerely appreciate that. That was- That was fun.
Glenn: That was cool.
Rob: Yeah. We'll make sure Ross gets the invoice.
Rob: It's a union job, so that's gonna be [tongue clicking] quite pricey to you.
Charlie: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Rob: But we'll figure it out.
Glenn: You know what, I just decided. I'm not gonna pay for it.