On the pod, the guys revisit The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 3, Episode 5.

Charlie Day: Well, sh-should we, uh, should we stop down and talk about what we're doing here? We're-we're on, uh, uh, we're not all together in the same place. And we're gonna have to do some episodes like this every now and then because we're just, we're never-

Rob McElhenney: Yeah. Yes. And we can always blame somebody, right? Like, thi- this is somebody's fault.

Charlie: This, so Glenn-

Rob: So, who-who are we gonna blame? Okay. We can blame- we can blame a little bit of Glenn, we can blame a little bit of Megan.

Megan Ganz: Why me? [chuckles]

Charlie: Can we? How can we blame Megan? It’d be great if we could.

Rob: The office isn't ready. I don’t know. We haven't-- We're moving to a new office.

Megan: Well, yes, that is true. We're moving into a new studio and it is not ready, which might be the reason we have to do another one of these, maybe, but I'm pretty excited about it. Uh, maybe we'll do another one at Rob's house, 'cause that was pretty nice, too.

Charlie: But Glenn, you are in-in Texas.

Rob: Glenn's in Texas, yeah. But to be fair to Megan, Glenn-- it is really Glenn's fault because Megan has been working tirelessly to get us from one building to another. And it-it's actually gonna happen rather quickly. So really, Glenn, this is all your fault.

[laughter]

Glenn Howerton: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[laughter]

Glenn: That's, uh, I'd say- I'd say that's accurate.

[laughter]

Megan: Because you wanted to support your wife so bad.

Glenn: Yeah, it's what I get for supporting my wife. I'm-I'm out here in South by Southwest, uh, in Austin. And, uh, you know, it's, uh, I don't know if you guys have ever been to, uh, South by Southwest, but, uh, [chuckles] it's the whole town, it's just a-a big party. Uh, it was crazy, last night was crazy.

Charlie: I've-I've-I've been to Austin several times and I always enjoy going to Austin, but I've not-- I've been to so few, like, festivals and things, and I think it would be so fun. Been to just a-

Glenn: It is fun.

Charlie: -smattering.

Glenn: Yeah. Jill's movie premieres tonight, so, um, that'll be- that'll be interesting. That'll be fun.

Rob: Exciting.

Glenn: But yes, this is- this is my fault. This is my fault.

Rob: I appreciate you taking responsibility for that, Glenn.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, man. Yeah. No worries.

Rob: Although, I guess you could also say it was, you know, I'll take some responsibility or some blame, because normally we do it during the week, and I'm unavailable this week, so maybe it's actually my fault.

Glenn: Oh, so it would've happened anyway. Would've-would've been this way anyway.

Charlie: I-I suppose I'm also, uh, I also have to take some blame because I-I, you know, I'm the one who's always insisting that, uh, you know, we-we find an office that's sort of equidistant between the three of us. Um, so, you know, the fact that we even had to move offices, uh, I don't know, I'm just trying to throw my hat in the ring. It's not really my fault.

[laughter]

*OPENING CREDITS 2:27*

Glenn: Should we talk about this episode?

Rob: Yeah. I watched it with my son.

Glenn: Yeah, that’s--

Charlie: Uh, okay.

Glenn: Oh my God.

Charlie: How was that experience?

Rob: Well, yeah, um, we've been trying to dip our toes into a little bit. He's turning 12, and we started dipping our toes into, you know, letting-- allowing him to watch some of the episodes. And we thought, again, having no memory of it whatsoever, we thought maybe this one might be a fun one to get into. And there are aspects of the story that are, but then this is really where we establish Dennis as a sexual predator in-in some capacity. Um–

[laughter]

Charlie: There's-there's some of that for sure. This, to me, I'm like, oh, we don't yet know what the show is and we're looking for it.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Like, there's some-

Glenn: For sure, yeah.

Charlie: -super cartoonish elements of this story, which I did not enjoy watching-

Rob: No.

Charlie: -personally.

Glenn: Yeah. No, we pushed- we-we pushed it on this one real far. And I remember us talking about this actually when we were writing it, too. I-I remember when we were working on this episode, we were like, "This is really insane, like, what we're doing here." And I think, you know, because we, it was the first time we-we had to do 15 episodes, which I think was pretty overwhelming to us at the time. Uh, well, hell, that would be overwhelming to me now. Um, that I don't think we had time to really second-guess ourselves. I think we just had to press on and-and make the best of it that we could. And I would actually argue that for as cartoonish as it is, it did make me laugh. Uh, I-I was laughing a lot. Um, but it is ridiculous. I mean, we go from just, you know, bar owners and you guys are going clothing shopping to like running a full-on sweatshop by the end where you have a steam whistle, you know? And, uh, and we've hired a bunch of, uh, Eastern European knockwurst smelling women to-to-to sew clothes for us. I mean, it's-it's-it's a super--

Rob: But that opening scene.

Charlie: Yeah, I didn't like. I-I would do--

Glenn: It's completely ridiculous.

Charlie: There was-- The opening scene was good.

Rob: So, the opening scene is so great. And I remember-

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Rob: -so distinctly, first of all, Judy Greer, who's fantastic, and we knew her from Arrested Development. Right? That's where we knew her from. And, um, and so I remember on that day that was not scripted, that Charlie-that Charlie has all the hats and all the clothes on, and he didn't tell anybody he was doing it. I-I distinctly remember. And it was a reveal. And so, D-D-Dee walks over and the camera just pans over. Charlie is full-on laughing or at least smiling.

[laughter]

Rob: I remember being behind the monitors and laughing.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a big--

Charlie: That one I'm sure I was just doing for you, guys. Being like, "All right, let-let-let me see if I can throw them off here."

[laughter]

Glenn: It's the sta- it's the stack of hats and the fa-- the stack of hats and the fact that you found a hoodie that could actually go over.

[laughter]

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. The stack of hats--

Glenn: Most hoodies wouldn't- most hoodies wouldn't go over that many hats.

Charlie: I don't know who really, who this character is, but he's in my mind from somewhere in my childhood. But like, do you remember The Great Gazoo? He was like a cartoon character, kinda like The Martian and Warner Brothers Big Bunnies thing, but like, I don't know, some big brain like alien guy. And, uh, I-I was going for a Great Gazoo look.

Rob: Well, I-I de-- I definitely remember being in a store and-and early on, and even still to this day, but certainly early on, we would barely be able to afford to shoot-- to shut a store. We-we definitely couldn't shut a-a store down. So, the store would be like, "Okay, you guys can shoot here, but we're gonna keep it open." And then it would just be like random people walking in and be like, "What's going on," in the middle of a take and we would be like, "We're making a show."

[laughter]

Rob: And-and-and that's-- 'cause that's all we could afford. And so, we would be kinda like huddled up in the side of a- of a- of a clothing store and people would just be walking by just doing, just shopping, going about their day. I think we just didn't have any money and everybody was just doing the best they could. Like, locations was like, "How much is my budget?" Oh, okay. Well, they walk in, they're like, "I'll give you 50 bucks to let us shoot here." And the owners are like, "Sure, but we're staying open."

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, "I don't think the guys," and they're like, "This isn't one of those shows where that matters." You know what I mean? And then-

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

Glenn: -like, it really-- the production value on that, have you seen this show? It looks like shit. It-it does not matter. There will be people looking directly into the camera, like, "That's fine. The guys don't really care about that."

Charlie: I find that that is often a thing you go around and you're scouting locations and they-they're like, "Okay, it's one-it's one price to buy the whole thing out, which is usually pretty expensive. It's another price to shoot in here, but we're staying open, but you gotta kinda stay out of our workspace. You gotta like find a corner to shoot in." And I think we did a lot of option B deals, uh, and probably still do, you know?

Rob: Uh, but yeah. But-but anyway, so the-- this, the-the dentist care, I mean, you're so funny in this, Glenn, like the, and-and it starts the peak. It starts with “you haven't begun the peak yet,” which, that's endured.

Glenn: Yeah. I-I mean, I-I can see- I can see myself as a- as an actor, and I do remember, and I think we have talked about this, but like, I do remember that Season 3 really was the year where I feel like I found the character. I mean, it took-- I mean, not that it wasn't there before, but like, I really felt like I was as an actor, just sort of like letting myself be a little bit more insane and crazy and unhinged and just weird, just making weird choices and just kinda doing whatever I thought was-was funny, um, and taking a risk that other people would find it funny, too.

But, um, uh, yeah, I-I can see that also in this episode, Rob, like, I-I-I-I can see myself like just trying on like, let's just see how despicable and egotistical and awful and narcissistic and predatory can we make this character and still have it be funny. It's just like, how far can I push this guy? And you do see a lot of that, um, in-in the episode. And ironically, that is it that you-you're starting to see really who the character becomes, who-who he really became as we kept going on.

Charlie: Well, you went on a- on a run on, and I-I feel like I can't remember specifically, but I think we probably had some debate over whether or not we could do this for your character or in general, but you have the funny run of like words like, no, or stop, or don't, have never worked on me. And I feel like I remember, ah, I remember some, like, some debate about it or-or feel like don't remember. Like if you-you might have been uncomfortable with it or feel like--

Rob: We definitely were. We-we definitely all were, but we kept, I remember just kept saying, "Yes, but if we're gonna do the thing, let's do the thing. So, if we're going to- if we're gonna suggest that these are the worst people on the planet, and that's the joke, then let's just go all the way into it." And how can we do that in every- in every which way?

Glenn: Yeah. It's-it's, uh, I-I-I remember that too, Charlie. As a matter of fact, I-- it'd be interesting to maybe go back and try and find the original shooting script of that because I think a lot of that stuff maybe wasn't even in the script. I think that was stuff that we were like messing around with on the day.

Charlie: I feel like it was.

Glenn: And yeah, I think there was a lot of improv happening there. Um, a-a-around tha-that section. Um, [chuckles] and I remember us-- I-I-I remember us like laughing a lot, but also thinking, like also all of us being very uncomfortable, but in a way that we were like, "I think it's- I think we should push through this discomfort because it is making us laugh and we are portraying this awful, awful human being, you know, and a certain mentality there." A-again, this is what our show is. That is a mentality that really does exist. You know what I mean? It's like this misconception of what it means to be a confident winner. It's so despicable to us, the-the three of us and all of us as people that it was a little tough there.

Rob: Well, but then we have, we have Judy's character saying over and including in that one scene with the model, and then, um, with Ingrid Nelson where they're straight up saying, "You are a bad person. You are a piece of shit." Like and-and that's-- they're the mirror to the audience, right? The audience is looking at that and saying, "Oh, yes, the show is recognizing that this behavior is terrible." And my 11-year-old is watching it, and he's- and he's like, "Dennis is insane, right?" And I'm like, "Yes." And he's like, "He's-he's the bad guy in the story." And I'm like, "Yes."

[laughter]

Rob: Okay, so the 12-year-old gets it. That's a good sign.

Megan: Can I speak for all women why I think it works, at least for me why I- why I like it? It's the combina-- like it's the combination of that rant about words like, no and stop in the winner's thing. And also Dennis's obsession with the body shape of this woman. And it all comes from a place for me of feeling like someone in his past maybe his parents, maybe his coaches, someone fed him these like messages about what-what is good and what it takes to succeed. And that is what he's like regurgitating. And so to me, like the whole thing as a whole works almost as like being about toxic masculinity and the way that like it's ingrained. As you cannot fail in this thing, this woman can't reject you. And also having Judy there to be like, "I see a woman, an uncomfortable, confused woman stuff into a dress." Like that sounds really funny.

[laughter]

Charlie: It’s always about like some kind of maniac with us. Like I-I feel like we really stumbled on like, okay, if these characters are borderline maniacal with-with their insecurities, really, you know, then it starts to become funny, but that's what it is.

Rob: Yeah, he kicked down. He kicked a door.

Megan: He kicked down a door. He kicked down a door.

Rob: We just kept doubling down and doubling down and doubling down.

Charlie: Is that when we started the kicking-in-door jokes 'cause that-that joke-- we did a bunch of kicking-in-doors.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Where we're like, you kicked it in and we reveal it was kicked in.

Megan: Have you guys ever kicked in a door?

Rob: We had a door in Brooklyn that we had to kick in one time. It was surprisingly easy.

Glenn: What do you mean? What do you mean? You actually kicked in a door is that what you're saying?

Rob: Yes, our door to our-- my door to our apartment, we got locked out of it and we kept calling the-the building manager and he wasn't around. And we were like, "There's no way to get into this door, so." And I think somebody tried to like jump into it, and that doesn't work 'cause it hurts your shoulder. But if you just back up, and kick the fuck-- kick the door at the hinge. What happens, it doesn't break the lock. It just breaks the door hinge rather easily.

Glenn: Oh.

Rob: Now again, this is probably like a p-- I don't know when this building was built. It was a piece of shit. So I'm sure doors are much more reinforced now, but it was surprisingly easy.

Glenn: Oh, that's kind of- that's kind of fun. Well, yeah, I mean we do- we do try to kick in the door, uh, marked private in the, uh, Korea episode.

Charlie: It's got a battering ram-

Glenn: It's coming up.

Charlie: -me into it.

Glenn: We also- uh, we also ba-- uh, we actually do battering ram a door open in Season 5 in, um, the episode where we're-- The Mortgage Crisis episode, we use an actual battering ram [laughs] to just bash through that door. Do you guys remember that?

Charlie: I was gonna say, I had a buddy in college. We were at this, um, we were at like someone's house party, and-and there was a big snowstorm and, uh, this was pre-cell phones, right? So he had left the party, comes back like hours later. The party's like, "Guys, bad news, man. Somebody broke into our apartment." Um, but I like I got home right when the guy had broken in and he like scrambled out, uh, the window or something." And we're like, "Oh, shit." And you saw the door was all kicked in and everything. And we're like, "Man, oh, glad you got here in time." Then, you know, it's like late at night. And I kind of was still up, and-and the buddy who saw the guy had gone to sleep. And I start thinking about his story. I'm thinking about it, I'm like, and I go and I grab this dude's shoe and it perfectly matches the shoe print in the door.

[laughter]

Charlie: And what had happened was he was just so hammered, he lost his key that he- tha-that he kicked the door in, and came up with a whole crazy story. Instead of just being like-- Instead of going all the way back to the party in the snowstorm, and getting someone else's key. But we busted him on it, he had to fix the door.

Glenn: Wow. So you guys have, uh, have both have kicking-in-doors stories. I don't have any kicking-in-door story.

Rob: It's probably good. That's probably good.

Glenn: I have never kicked in a door.

Charlie: Don't wanna have to kick in the door.

Glenn: I always thought it would be f-- It always sounded fun to me though. It's one of those things like, "God, that sounds--" You know, there's like a handful of things that always sounded kind of interesting to me that I always wanted to test the theory of like, when I was a kid. I was always like-like kicking a door down. Like what-- how hard--

Rob: Why don't we do this? Why don't we in our new studio we just commit to whatever the cost is to repair a door.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Okay? And then we just give you your dream, buddy. This is Hollywood, you know, like you can do whatever you want.

Charlie: You kick in a door.

Rob: Let's lock the door. Let's find a door that you can kick in, and we'll put it on the podcast. And you can talk about your experience of kicking the door in and how you felt, how you felt before, how it changed you.

Charlie: I think it--

Glenn: Right. Yeah. [laughs] Well–

Rob: No.

Glenn: Let me throw this out there because I've got a list of things, you know, it's not just the door. There's like a whole list of--

Rob: That you wanna kick in?

Glenn: No, no, no, no. A whole list of things--

Rob: A list of things you wanna do.

Glenn: Things that I've- that I've always seen, that I saw in movies a lot as a kid that I always wanted to, uh, you know, check out. Like one of them is kicking in a door now, that's an easy one to set up. This next one I'm about to name is-is, uh, would not be so easy. Uh, kick-- but by the way, we should do that because I really would like to do that. It means a lot to me that you would spend the money on a door. Or at least, you know, split it, you know, split-split-split it. You know, we'll split it. We'll split the door.

[laughter]

Rob: Yeah, we'll split.

Charlie: It depends on the door, right? If it's like one of those, like, you know, like within a building from one room to another, sure. But if we're talking about from the outside of a building into a building those are tougher doors to kick in.

Glenn: I think- I think we start with an inside door.

Rob: Yeah. Okay. Well, Glenn, what else is on that list, Glenn? Let's see if we can get like a checklist of things that Glenn's always wanted to do, and then we can do them. We can- we can create and provide the environment for you to achieve your dreams.

Glenn: Okay, well, I don't know that we could do this next one but I've always wanted to know what it was like to actually sink in quicksand.

[laughter]

Glenn: You know what I mean? Like, I wanna know if it's--

Rob: Megan, can you look up where-where-where can we get some quicksand?

Glenn: I feel like quicksand was portrayed in- portrayed in so many different movies. Like when we were kids growing up. Like I mean, most famously, you know, like there was the-- there's the scene in The Never Ending Story of course, where the- where the horse sinks. That was awful 'cause that--

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Apparently, that horse really died. Uh, you guys know that, right?

Rob: What?

Glenn: That horse- that-that horse actor. [chuckles] That horse.

Megan: What?

Glenn: That horse in that- in that real scene actually died.

[laughter]

Rob: No.

Glenn: They couldn't get it out. They couldn't retrieve it. Yeah, Yeah. Look it up, Megan. Um--

Rob: Please, God, I hope that's not the--

Charlie: They're like- they're like "Okay and cut. Uh, great job. Let's get the horse," and uh--

Glenn: “Did you say get- did you say get the horse?” No, no, no, no, no, no.

Charlie: “Oh, son, you wanted two takes with the horse. Okay. Alright”.

Glenn: “This was your horse.”

Charlie: There's no-

Rob: Oh, no. That is so sad. And the whole point of the-the scene, right, was that the horse didn't believe anymore, and-and-and the kids begging.

Megan: Hold on. I'm-I'm seeing online that that's, uh, that's, uh, not true, which I am so glad because--

Rob: Aah, I'm so happy that that's not true.

Megan: I was so traumatized by that scene, Faith that the-- sorry, Entertainment Weekly, if you believe that says the horse didn't really die despite what's been said throughout the years. We had two identical white horses, and it was shot over a few weeks. That-that scene.

Glenn: I don't know. I mean, I was at an Entertainment Weekly party last night. I don't know if I trust those people.

Charlie: That, uh, that sounds like a dead horse cover up.

[laughter]

[music]

Glenn: And then, of course, there's the quick sand scene in the Princess Bride.

Rob: Sure.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Megan: That's right.

Rob: In the- in the fire swamp.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: In the fire swamp. Uh, I do believe there are, uh, other quicksand. Uh, there-there was like an obsession with quicksand. We were obsessed with quicksand.

Charlie: Lots of cartoons like Bugs Bunny cartoon kind things.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah, uh, just a lot of- a lot of quicksand stuff.

Rob: I mean we did a- we did a version of it this season in Sunny with the bog.

Glenn: That's right.

Charlie: We did a version of it.

Glenn: Yeah, I was very happy about that by the way. I was also very happy that I wasn't the person who had to do it. Uh, when we get to that episode, we should have Kaitlin tell the story of-of, uh, of shooting that scene because her story of her experience of actually sinking in that- in that- in that mud was, is so funny, and so messed up.

Rob: It's insane.

Glenn: Yeah, she-she has done a lot of things for the sake-- physical things to her body for the sake of comedy. And, uh, that is one of the more upsetting ones, uh--

Rob: Meg, can you see if quicksand does exist somewhere on this planet?

Charlie: Yeah, I-I was there for that. I was there for that shoot and I asked her to go under. I was like, "If you could, it'd be great if you could go under for one." And she did. She did.

Glenn: But it wasn't even the-- I don't even think that was the worst part of it. Uh, it sounded like it was going up her pants, and-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: -uh, like bubbles were going up her pants. And she thought that-- she thought- she thought there were like little creatures crawling up her pants-

Charlie: Ooh.

Glenn: -but it was just bubbles and she didn't-- she was like- she was like, "But I don't-- " She didn't wanna stop the take because she was like if I-- You know, “I don't wanna- I don't wanna ruin this.”

Charlie: Then you gotta redo it. Yeah, yeah.

Glenn: Then you gotta redo it- then you gotta redo it. And she's like, " There-- I think there's little creatures like crawling up inside my body right now."

Charlie: Ooh.

Glenn: And-and-and, but she was like, "But we gotta get this," like that. She's a m-- I mean, like that kudos to her, man.

Rob: Wait. So Meg, where is there- where is there quicksand in this world?

Megan: So, quicksand really does exist, and it's basically when sand is so small and fine and it mixes with water but what I'm seeing is that you can't really drown in it in the way that they portray in movies. It's not sucking you down into it but quick quicksand is a phenomenon that can happen when water reduces the friction of like, very fine sand.

Glenn: Now, if somebody were to give you a, a paralytic, you know, as a paralytic? A paralyzing drug of some kind and, and pop you on some quicksand and just slowly let you sink, that's pretty fucking diabolical.

[laughter]

Glenn: I think that will work.

Rob: Alright. What else? What else do you wanna do?

Charlie: Hey, what else there? What are your dreams?

Glenn: Well, this one- this one I've actually gotten to do, uh, and I- and I have to say I was very excited about it. Um, the first time-- I've had to-- I've gotten to do this a few times, and, uh, I don't know if you guys have ever played this game. [laughs] It's so stupid. [laughs]. Sorry. Uh, okay. So the first time I got to do this was when I- when I got my wisdom teeth taken out. Um, 'cause I'd never had any kind of surgery prior to that and, you know, there were gonna-- the guy was like, "Okay, so here's, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna put an IV in you and I'm gonna have you count down from 20 or something like that or maybe it was 10, I don't remember. Um, and you know, then you're gonna- you're gonna go- you're gonna go night night. And I was like, "Ooh, I've seen this in like James Bond movies where like, they, you know, they give the, like, the hero a drug and he's gotta try to stay awake as long as he possibly can because if he falls asleep, he's dead. You know? Uh, so I thought like, "Ooh, I wonder how long, if I really, really put some effort into this, I wonder how long I can stay awake." Right? So he puts the needle in and I'm like, Okay, here we go, whoof, 10.

[laughter]

Charlie: Yeah, yeah exactly and then you're out.

Rob: I have-- I--

Glenn: Just like I think I made it to like--

Rob: I had the same exact thing happen to-- where I did the same thing where I was like, "I'm gonna try and stay awake." I was like, I asked the guy, like the anesthesiologist, "How long has someone been able to stay? Like what's the number that they can get to?"

Glenn: So you did this, too. You've played this game–you’re–

Rob: I've done it twice and two different anesthesiologists-

Glenn: Yeah same, same.

Rob: -and both times, but more specifically, the first time the guy was like, "What do you mean?" I'm like, "What number do, do you think I can make it to if I'm counting down?"

Glenn: [laughs]

Rob: He goes, "What number do you wanna get to?" And I said, "I don't- I don't know like six." He goes, "All right, then I'll put you out on six." And I go, "Well, no. I mean maybe I wanna do four."

Glenn: No, that's not the game

Rob: He's like- he's like, "Then I'll put you out on four." And I'm like, "No, no, I wanna try and get there. You try to put me out on 10. He goes, "Buddy, if I try to put you out on 10, you'll go out on 10. You'll go out whenever I tell you to go out."

[laughter]

Rob: And I was like, "Okay, fine." So I go 10 and I wake up.

[laughter]

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I know there are other things that are on that list and I actually think I-- [laughs] I think-- I actually think I have that list somewhere. And the reason I have it is because, uh, I think I've maybe tried to pitch it, uh, for the show before where our characters actually want to experience these things that they- that they saw in '80s movies.

Charlie: Is get blown to safety one of them? That's such a great '80s movie like where like the explosion happens on you and then you're like rocketed into like a- like a body of water.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: The Rock is a famous one.

Rob: Yeah. Yeah.

Charlie: Like, uh, the movie The Rock where he, where he's like, "Aah," and he just like gets blown into water. It's like, "Thank God that I got blown to safety."

Rob: To be clear that you're talking about The Rock, the-the Michael Bay joint, not the-the actor, The Rock.

Charlie: Michael Bay movie, not the actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Although I would say probably the actor the Rock has also been blown to safety.

Charlie: He's probably been blown to safety a few times, too, blown to safety.

Glenn: I am-- I can-- Yeah. And if he hasn't, I'm sure it's in his next contract. 'Cause he's like, "When do I get to be blown to safety? Those are all the movies I grew up with." 'Cause he grew up with the same movies we did.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: He wants to be blown to safety just like all of us do. Um, you know, without somehow of-- I-I guess the trick to being blown to safety really is, A, how flexible is your spine. Right?

[laughter]

Glenn: 'Cause you're gonna-- you know what I mean? You're gonna-- when it hits you, aah, you're gonna-- depending on if it's from the front or the back, but either way, your spine's gonna go like that. Okay. So that's number one. Number two, is what's your tolerance for shrapnel?

[laughter]

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: That's right. That's right. Well you gotta be--

Glenn: You know, ‘cause–

Charlie: The shrapnel hopefully is blown around you, but not directly into you. And three-

Glenn: You got a couple pieces in you that you--

Charlie: -is there something soft you can land into when you're blown to bits?

Glenn: That's right.

Charlie: Can--

Glenn: Is there-- Right, is there a mattress truck going by just as you get blown?

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. Truck full of chicken feathers or like, you know.

[laughter]

Glenn: A truck full of chicken feathers.

Charlie: You know, like, is there a swimming pool somewhere is ideal. And the explosion goes on top of you.

Rob: 'Cause you might, you might be on fire and the-the pool will put you out. Right? I mean, it’s really a question of–

Glenn: I think that's the ideal scenario.

Rob: -whether body can defy the laws of physics because that is what's happening, right?

Charlie: Mm.

Rob: In that- in that scenario, you're-you're surviving the–

Glenn: Well, I don't know--

Rob: You're somehow surviving the concussive force that is so strong, it can blow your body somewhere else but isn't isn't decimating the-the flesh on your s-- uh, on your corpus.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Well the-- on your corpus?

[laughter]

Rob: Oh, no.

Glenn: Is that-- did you-- is that right? Is that-- did you use that word properly?

Rob: No. No.

Charlie: Alright. Glenn, what do you got? What do you got?

Glenn: One of them's just like getting chloroformed.

Rob: Oh.

Glenn: You know, having somebody put the chlo--

Megan: Oh, yeah.

Glenn: Put a chloroform over, that's-- now, that's something we could do.

Rob: Well, that's propo--

Glenn: That's something we could do.

Rob: Yeah. I mean that-that's essentially propofol, isn't it? Like it's the--

Glenn: I don't know.

Megan: How am I gonna explain these expenses to my debtor? Chloroform.

[laughter]

Rob: I would be concerned about the chloroform 'cause there's a- there's a chance either person doesn't come-come out and then--

Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's factual.

Rob: So you can-- so the only way that works is if you chloroform yourself. Because I don't wanna be on the hook for that.

Charlie: I'm not gonna be a part of this chloroforming each other.

Glenn: According to the movies, you gotta pour it on the cloth and you gotta get it around the guy's mouth and it-- you gotta hold it there for a while. Like it doesn't happen instantly. You gotta- you gotta-- There's gonna be some struggle first. Like a little bit of struggle.

Charlie: Right. That person has to have one good inhale.

[laughter]

Megan: I'm glad you're saying he. He-he's gonna struggle.

Charlie: It's a he and he chloroforming.

Glenn: You know what, you-you know what, yes, is a he on he in my- in my mind and-and you know what, Mehgan-

Charlie: In your fantasy.

Glenn: -I'm way more, I'm way more glad.

[laughter]

Rob: It's good- it's good that it's a-- It's good that it's a man, your fantasy. It is good. It's good.

Glenn: I'm far more glad that I said he not she.

[laughter]

Glenn: Yes, so it's--

Charlie: Yeah. But it worries- it worries me a little.

[laughter]

Glenn: Yeah. Well, this-this man- this man doesn't have a mustache because the mustache gets in my hand so, you know.

Rob: I-- But I like to believe I can count-- I can fight it off the way that I could, not as- not as well as I could fight off the propofol, but I could fight off the chloroform, I think.

Glenn: I-I think we should find out how toxic it is, right? Like we don't wanna do any permanent damage here. Uh, but, uh, if-if we're looking at a situation where it's not that bad, uh, for you-

Rob: Alright, I'll do that. I'll-I'll do that.

Glenn: Uh, and-and it certainly sounds like a good time.

Rob: If we find out that it's really not a huge deal to knock someone out with a noxious chemical gas, um, then I-I will do that where you try to chloroform me and I try to fight it off.

[laughter]

Glenn: So all of our fantasies get to come true. I get to-- No. I--

Charlie: What does that mean, you try to fight it off? Do you get to physically try to fight Glenn off? Because that's a big part of not being chloroformed. But he's like, "Okay, the guy put the rag over my mouth, I'm gonna kick backwards trying to catch his nuts and scramble out of this really quick." You know?

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Versus like, I'm gonna try to not let the chemical–go into my brain.

Rob: Yeah. Fair. I-I would say we can start- we can a very specific position, which is-- which I have to let him get it to my face, and then from there--

Charlie: No, I think, Rob, if you really wanna do this, we have to see that it's safe and then we have to not let you know when Glenn's gonna chloroform you.

[laughter]

Glenn: That's-that's true.

Charlie: That's the real test is if he starts doing it, can he do it quick enough to knock you out?

Rob: You gotta-- well I gotta be ready for it at any- at any time.

[laughter]

Charlie: I don't wanna be a part of this.

Rob: No, that's probably fair. Probably fair.

Glenn: I don't blame you. We-we, we definitely shouldn't do it. But, um, but we should definitely resear--

Charlie: No, we should not do it. We shouldn't let people in general know that it's something that can or cannot be done. Right? Like this is, you know for every–

Rob: We're-we're from pulling from movies, we're pulling from-from movies from the past, you know, 30 years.

Charlie: Yeah. But somebody out there is listening to our podcast being like, "Wait, oh, really? All I got to do is this?"

Rob: But we will-- Look, look that-that-that-that's like when you watch those commercials and there's somebody driving a truck off the top of a building and crashing in the ground, and then they have to put the w-- the disclaimer underneath it. Do not attempt.

Charlie: That's true. That's true.

Rob: I mean, is that where we are as a fucking culture that we just have to cater to every dumb-dumb on the planet and be like, "Well, hey, just FYI, this isn't real and you shouldn't do this" Fuck off. Like, where's the per-- there's no-no personal responsibility whatsoever. Get outta here.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah. But it is- but it is real [laughs]. We're talking about really doing it to each other.

Rob: Yes, but to suggest.

Charlie: We're not- we're not fictionally doing it.

Rob: But to--

Charlie: Yeah, we're-we're-we're talking about how well you can fight it and how well it works. You know, we're giving people ideas here.

Glenn: Right and how much fun it is- and how much fun it is to perform that experiment.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Well we-- so we should just suggest that we are professionals, right? And-and like, you should not try this at home because we are professionals.

Glenn: Yeah. Leave it to the professionals, guys.

[music]

Rob: I would like to, like, based on- based on every movie I've ever seen in my entire life, I just wanna watch somebody get knocked unconscious with one punch. That seems to happen in movies all the time. I've seen it in the UFC, I've seen it in Professional Fighters.

Glenn: Of course.

Rob: But I've never seen that in person and I've certainly never seen that like, done to multiple people where, you know, like in a movie you'll watch somebody, Jean-Claude Van Damme or fucking Steven Seagal, just knock out like eight guys in a row. And I've asked some of my UFC friends some like real scary people who can fight like, "Hey, how would you handle three guys?" And the answer is always the same. "Run as fast as you can." And those are like the-the toughest guys I-- like on the planet Earth.

Glenn: Well, I-- you-you-you guys have all seen, uh, those-those great videos of uh, six foot five Steven Segal, like just throwing little five foot dudes around-around the room. Like, that shit is so weird. Like I-- it-it does look amazing. Like it-- and it- like it, you know? And he just-- he looks like he's half asleep while he is doing it. He's just like, and the guy just goes flying and he's just like- he's just like doing this and they're just like all just like doing flips and falling all over the place. Like, and he's just like, he barely has his eyes open, you know? And he is just doing, you know.

Charlie: Flailing his hands around.

Glenn: That's-that's some like-- Yeah. Just flailing one of his hands around. Like, I-I can't tell if that guy's completely badass or just totally full shit or some combination of the two. I really can't. 'Cause-'cause it looks good. You know what I mean? Like, if any-- if nothing else, he's a good dancer. You know what I mean? He's a- he is a cool-looking dance partner.

Rob: Well, there's a famous story about Steven Seagal that, uh, in the- in the martial arts world where he was famous for beating up stunt guys and hur-- like hurting stunt guys. But not-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -not because the-the-the-- stunt guys are there to perform the stunts and you're supposed to do that in a safe manner. And he was very famous for-for like really like getting-getting guys hurt. And so there's one stunt coordinator who was a legend in the martial arts world, uh, whose named Jean LaBelle. And that he was, uh, his nickname was Ju-Judo Gene.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And there's a famous story where Judo Jean-- where Stephen says to Judo Gene, you-you could never choke me out because you could never get ahold of me." And he was like, "Well, I-I believe I-I could." And Steven's like, "Okay, well, let's see you try." And so Steven goes after him and-and Judo Gene LeBell chokes him out right in the middle of the set. And then he wakes up and then is like, "Well that was bullshit. You know, you-you just gra-- you can't do it again.” And he did it again. And then while Steven Seagal was unconscious, he shit himself. And so he shit himself and-and woke up.

[laughter]

Rob: Now, there are people who swear that they were there in the room and saw it and smelled it. [laughs] And it was very clear that Steven Seagal had–had shit himself while he was unconscious. I choose to believe that that happened.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I wanna know what else is on Glenn's list. I like, we've only been in quicksand and chloroform. What else you got?

Glenn: Yeah. The-the other one- the other one, uh, is, uh, cutting open a huge bag of crack cocaine and testing it on your gums.

[laughter]

Glenn: You know?

Megan: But with like a knife.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: I always found that interesting. Like, I-I'm-- here's-here's how my brain works, Right? Whenever I see that in a movie, you know, the guy, there's like a big tightly packed thing at cocaine and a guy takes a knife and he just-- and he cuts into it and then he puts a little on the tip of the knife, you know, and he either snorts it or he or he dips his finger in and he goes like that.

Charlie: And he rubs it on his gums.

Glenn: First of all, my first thought is like- my first thought is like, well now that bag of cocaine, that's gonna be a mess. That's a giant hole in that thing. Like, you know what I mean? Like I'm like, "Fuck, now, is somebody gonna tape that up or something?"

Charlie: Yeah, I was like, "Hey."

Glenn: I don't know why that, but that's where my mind goes. That's just like-- that's--

Charlie: "Anyone here bring an extra tape? I don't want this to spill everywhere." Well, you gotta get into it. You gotta get into it somehow.

Glenn: Yeah. Uh, yeah, I guess you're right. If-if you really need to test it on the spot, uh, which I mean, I think it's-- if-if you've got just like a giant crate and it's all filled with tightly packaged-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -things of white powder, you know, you-you're not, it's not baking soda. You know what I'm saying? It's not a fucking arm and hammer truck. It's fucking cocaine. Okay. You-you probably don't need to taste it. Yeah.

Charlie: It does feel like there were so many traps like from growing up, like, uh, quicksand and chloroform testing the cocaine on the gums that are they still in-- There's so many movies now. I guess it's not the same for a kid growing up, right? Where you're like--

Rob: Well, no, because now there's more- there's more, uh, women making movies so that-that changed- that changed a lot of things.

Charlie: Right.

Rob: Changed a lot of things.

Megan: I got to do a movie thing, actually. Um, because of Rob, I got to drive a tank over a car.

Charlie: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait. What?

Glenn: What?

Megan: So I was in Vegas with my husband. Uh, we were go-- doing a road trip and I texted Rob because I was like, "Oh my God, my husband's taking me to this gun range." And because he wanted to shoot a bunch of World War II era guns because he's like a history nut and he just wanted to like test out some of these old machine guns and stuff. And I was like, "This place is so wild. They have this like, experience here where you can drive a tank over a car." And then I-- so I just like text him that. And then I was sitting there waiting for my husband's like appointment and a guy comes out and he's like, "Is there Megan around here? Because somebody's on the phone wanting to like, get you this tank experience.” So he-he called them and like signed me up for it. And they put me in a tank and they have these like beater cars and I got to like push the controls forward and like drive a tank over a car and like, it blew out all the windows. It was awesome. It was like one of the coolest things I've ever done in my whole life.

Glenn: Wow. That-- if I- if I'd thought of it, that definitely would've gone on my list.

Rob: Well-well what about from-- Yeah, I think for me it wouldn't be a tank, but it would be, um, a monster truck. What was the- what was the big monster truck when we were kids?

Charlie: Oh, yeah.

Rob: There was the-- there was one, Big Foot.

Charlie: Big Foot. Big Foot.

Rob: Big Foot.

Glenn: Big Foot.

Rob: I imagine driving Big Foot over like, oh like a series of like 10 cars.

Charlie: Have you guys been to a Monster Truck rally?

Glenn: Hell, yeah.

Charlie: It's super fun.

Glenn: Yeah, they are fun. It's loud as shit.

Charlie: It’s very loud.

Glenn: I took my- I took my, uh, my oldest son to one when he was like three years old and he-he did-- he was too much for him. He was like, "Yeah."

Charlie: Yeah, it's, it's kind of a lot for the kids. Yeah.

Glenn: Well, actually, once he had the- actually, once he had the--

Charlie: The noise-canceling thing.

Glenn: I think it's actually cool they gave--

Charlie: They sell them like in the lobby

Glenn: They-they handed-- Yeah. And they-they-they looked like big truck tires.

Charlie: Oh, that's fun. That's fun.

Glenn: It was kind of cool, you know what I mean? It looked like a- like a-- And there was like a monster truck thing. Uh, once he put those on, he was- he was fine. It was- it was crazy, crazy loud. Like he was-- he didn't-- he-he was fuckin’ scared, man. It was like, woo, woo. You know, and all these like, people, like, “Raah.”

Charlie: Yeah. Sensory overload.

Glenn: It was just, it was very intense. It was very intense.

Rob: One thing you-you-you don't see-

Glenn: Yeah, it was sensory overload.

Rob: -as much-much anymore. Uh, and is-is just straight on gratuitous sex scenes. You don't see that as often where they'll just take-

Glenn: Mm.

Rob: -a break. And this was just fully accepted and-and beloved, uh, especially by, you know, 12, 13-year-old boys-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -who didn't have access to the internet. Um, and there would just be a movie, action movie or whatever, and then three-quarters of the way through it, it would just stop, and then you would just watch two people fuck in like a very sensual way.

Glenn: Right.

Rob: That had nothing to do with the story and it didn't matter. And then they would then-then they would just move on with the movie. And you don't see that as often, I don't think.

Charlie: I feel like it's moved to HBO like series, like a lot of, you know, banging in-in HBO television shows.

Rob: Sure but like, if-if you're talking about a show like Euphoria or-or-or-or shows that like revolve specifically around that, that being a part of the show as opposed to just ran-- just a random scene of-

Charlie: Mm. Mm-hmm.

Rob: -well now we're gonna stop everything down to make love and then we're gonna- and then we're gonna pick the story back.

Charlie: Yeah. It seemed more out of outta-outta the story. Yeah, totally.

Glenn: That definitely seems like the-the-the product of-of men run-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -running Hollywood. Like that-that's-- that is definitely a byproduct of that. I like-- I mean maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, but, uh, I'm-I'm-I'm glad that the, even when I was at a young and, you know, more impressionable age, I found those scenes uncomfortable. I was like, I don't-- yuck.

Rob: I don't know. I love- I loved it. It was like, that was an opportunity because we didn't ha-- well, we didn't have access to pornography, so it was like, that was the closest thing you could ever see to like a woman's body in and I don't know. And-and then- and then they would-- I'm thinking of like Top Gun. Remember Top Gun? In fact, I think we did a parody of it on Sunny, where it was just like this movie about like, yeah, yeah with your wife.

Glenn: We did. With my wife.

Rob: With fighter jets. Yeah. That's the thing. See that's the difference between old Hollywood and New Hollywood. We-we do a love scene like that and we have Dennis in it and we cast your wife because we felt like that would be the most appropriate way to do it, as opposed to just bringing in an act-- an actor that you would then have this wild-wildly needless-needless sex scene. But then also that you--

Charlie: Yeah. But are we better off as a society or-or like, you know, are we not getting that out of our s-- are we just Fast and Furious now and would we have been fast, furious and fucking? But now we're just- now, we're just--

Rob: But wait, does fa-- do Fast and Furious? I don't see those movies. Do they have- do they have sex scenes? They gotta have sex scenes in them, right?

Charlie: I don't think so.

Glenn: No. The eroticism is handled by the-the f-- the-the fastness and the furiousness of the- of the muscular men that are performing the tasks that are, are needed of them. You know what I mean? Like, I-- it-it's all- it's all very sexual, by the way. It's just not in the way that it used to be.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: What was the- what was the first movie you guys saw? What was the first movie? I can remember the very first pair of breasts that I had ever seen. And it was in a movie.

Glenn: Oh God, that's a good question. Right?

Rob: No.

Glenn: What were the first--

Megan: Was it Airplane? That was mine.

Charlie: Aah, was it- was it, uh, Vacation?

Glenn: Oh, that. I think that might be mine, too.

Charlie: Was it Invitation to Vacation?

Rob: No, but it-- but that was around the same time.

Charlie: 'Cause that-that might have- that might have been one of my first, either that or Lethal Weapon. The first Lethal Weapon. One of those.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: One of those.

Glenn: I-I-- Megan, I think mine might be the same as yours, I think.

Charlie: Airplane.

Megan: Airplane.

Glenn: Although weirdly, I think I saw Airplane II before I saw Airplane I. I don't know how that happened, but, uh, Airplane II is also really, really funny. Uh, and they do the same gratuitous, like, uh, you know, women walking through the metal detector with, you know, completely nude. And then like, you know, some dude comes through, like, some dude comes through like just armed to the teeth with like machine guns and shits. He puts 'em through the thing and they let him through, and then they grab some-some innocent old lady and throw her up against the wall and start frisking her.

Rob: Or like po-police–

Glenn: Yeah, I love those movies.

Rob: Well, at least that's part of a gag or joke.

Charlie: Oh, Police Academy. It might have been Police Academy.

Rob: Police- In Police Academy, it's not-- The-the joke is the cop who's the-- a person of authority, doesn't he like pour something on the women's backs who are bat-- sunbathing and then they just get up and expose themselves. Like, I mean, again, we parodied that whole kind of like ski movie/Romp.

Glenn: Probably. Yeah, probably.

Rob: Porky's. The-the first movie I ever saw.

Charlie: Oh, Revenge of the Nerds. Revenge of the Nerds, I think.

Rob: Yeah. The Revenge of the Nerds was full nudity.

Megan: Sure.

Rob: Full nude, and--

Charlie: And rape

Rob: And rape. Oh, yes.

Glenn: Right.

Rob: Oh, yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Megan: Rape, just a little bit.

Rob: Non-consensual sex. Uh, did you ever see the movie, Just One of The Guys? That was the first time I--

Glenn: Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where-where she--

Rob: It's-it's a young woman. Yeah. She tries to pass as a guy.

Glenn: She tries to pass a guy, right?

Rob: And then her best friend-- she's falling in love with her best friend who thinks that he-- This is his bud. And then slowly but surely, she then tells him,-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -"I'm a woman." And he says, "No, you're not. That's impossible." [laughs] And then to prove it, she rips off her shirt and my mind exploded.

Glenn: Yeah, she unwraps. Doesn't she unwrap? Didn't she have 'em wrap up?

Rob: She did, but for the moment of exposure, she just had her shirt on and just like ripped it open and I-- Yeah.

Glenn: Oh Jesus. Like Hulk Hogan?

Rob: And I was watching it with Bob Bateman and we were like, rewind, rewind, pause, pause, pause.

Glenn: That was the thing, right? You had to pause it. You had to pause it, and you had to get-- Because sometimes the scan lines, you know, would be there like covering up and you're like, "Ah, damn it." You press play. Pause it again. Try to get those scan lines away from the boobies.

[laughter]

Glenn: Oh guys, we gotta- we gotta end this 'cause, uh-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -I-I've got stuff to do.

Rob: I–I, guys, I've got a plan for today. It's 11:30. What I'm gonna do is-

Charlie: Okay.

Rob: I-I've got a plan to watch- um, to watch two movies today. The-- My plan is to watch, uh, Charlie, your movie, your Amazon movie, and then I'm gonna go watch Jill's documentary.

Charlie: Okay.

Rob: That's the plan for the day. Yeah, we're gonna go do that.

Glenn: Oh, oh, you sweet, sweet man.

Charlie: Nice. That's gonna be enjoyable.

Rob: It's gonna be an enjoyable day.

Glenn: That's-that's-- that is gonna be enjoyable. Those are-- they're-they're both very good.

Rob: I'll be-- I'll let you know. I'll let you know.

Megan: Are there boobies. in either one of those movies? Boobies.

Rob: Yeah b--boobies in any of those?

Charlie: I take my shirt off so you can see. You see my soft body.

Rob: Oh, okay.

Charlie: But there's no- there's no- no boobies.

Rob: No boobies. alright. Well, you have-- yours are boobies, okay.

[music]

[End Credits]