On the pod, the guys undergo a series of examinations to determine who's more healthier.

 

Glenn Howerton: [shouts] I love you.

Megan Ganz: Glad we finally got that on camera.

Rob McElhenney: That shit works.

Glenn: It fucking works, man.

Rob: Welcome back to the podcast, everybody. We've got a very special episode.

Glenn: Explain to us why it's so special.

Rob: Well, in anticipation of-of the episode, Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack.

Glenn: Hmm.

Rob: We started thinking, um, offline, offline, offline. We started thinking and talking about the episode and if we had any ideas on how to spice it up, pepper it up.

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: And the suggestion was made that we all get our blood work done, and that, Meg included, and that, yeah. And that we, uh, have that blood work analyzed.

Meg: By a professional. Not just like a bag of it. Not just like a plastic bag of it that you carry around it.

Rob: Yes.

Charlie Day: Not a blood bucket.

Rob: Not-not the blood bucket. And we've discussed that. And then we started getting into the conversation of which doctor to use.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: And then once we started, um, 15 minutes into that conversation, we realized this should be on the pod.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: Because everybody's got a different idea of what a doctor is, apparently. [laughter] So, uh, maybe what we should do is we should talk about, um, whose doctor we think we should use, or if we should find, I mean, a completely outside fifth party, who's, uh, who can remain neutral.

Glenn: But the overall goal, if I'm not mistaken, is to find out who is the most healthiest. Who's more healthier?

[chuckling]

Glenn: Wasn't that the goal?

Rob: Yeah. [crosstalk] I was- I was-

Glenn: I thought that was the goal.

Rob: I was bu- I was bumping on the grammar.

Glenn: I did it on purpose 'cause you know that's a- that's a Mac reference. He says it's more better.

Meg: It's more betters.

Rob: We should get our eyes checked as well.

Glenn: Yeah, 'cause--

Charlie: Well, I mean.

Rob: He's got some depth perception issues.

Charlie: Flexibility, I mean, like, what are we talking about? Like, wha-- um, that's a good question, like, so like, what is health?

Rob: What is health?

Glenn: See, but this is the- but this is part of the problem.

Charlie: And then how do we get into mental health? How do we get into--

Glenn: But this is part of the problem too because-because, uh, the- each doctor is gonna have a different view on what numbers look good, right?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: A more conventional, uh, sort of doctor is going to, uh, uh, you know, uh, use a different standard than say, you know, someone who, uh, I don't know, has like, more progressive view on health.

[laughter]

Meg: Wel he's a--

Glenn: No, It's-- You can-- you can each-- Different doctors can interpret the information differently.

Charlie: Should we go to the type of doctor that you would want to deal with your health if you were having an heart- a heart attack?

Rob: Well, you would want to-- You would want--

Glenn: You would want the most conventional--

Rob: Okay, you would want a cardiologist. However, I would s- I would say, but a wha- a very strict Western medicine cardiologist, right? But at the same time, it- that's reactive as opposed to- as opposed to looking at overall heart health and projecting forward, meaning traditionally, and I'll let you speak to this 'cause this is more your bag than anything else, is that Western medicine leans very heavily in, not into preventative care, but into reactive care.

Glenn: Yup.

Rob: You come in, you have heart problems. Well, let's just get you on some medication, and then you'll be on that for the rest of your life. There's never a question of what are you eating?

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: And-and that really is kind of true, yeah?

Glenn: Absolutely, yeah. That's one of the biggest problems with it. Yeah, for sure. Now, uh, this is why- this is why I actually like my doctor because he is a heart specialist. That's how he started. He-he was a total Western medicine guy. [crosstalk] He's a heart surgeon.

Rob: Now, I noticed you said he, and him, and guy. Now, are we gonna say, it's important, I think we can all agree on this? We-we want it to be a man.

Meg: Oh, yay.

[laughter]

[music]

Charlie: Before we land on the doctor, what the test should be, do we have a prediction for who is the healthiest?

Glenn: You know--

Rob: Again, what does that- what does that mean- what do we mean by healthiest?

Charlie: [sighs] Not sick.

[laughter]

Rob: But I could tell you that I'm in very good cardiovascular shape but my liver is probably shit [crosstalk] from alcohol.

Glenn: I-I think from it is- is it's-it's com- it's complicated. It's complicated, right? Because you know, as I was saying, like, my-my doctor, he-he started out as a total Western medicine guy and still studies, you know, th-this is a guy who is in his 70's and still continues to like, read research papers, like he reads-- Oh, he's a-- he even said to me the other day, he's like, "I shouldn't have been a doctor, I should have been a-a-a professor. I should have been a teacher. 'Cause like, he finds the academic side of the medical profession, uhm, more fascinating than, I think, actually practicing medicine and-and applying it.

Meg: That's kind of rough. You're like in an- in an appointment with him and he's questioning whether he wants to be a doctor anymore.

Rob: Yeah, I don't know if I wanna be here right now, Glenn.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Rob: I would've been been better at something else. Anyway, take off his pants.

[laughter]

Charlie: This is not really my forte anyway.

Glenn: I had the opposite reaction. I was like, that's amazing 'cause like he-- This is a guy who literally-- 'Cause I don't-- that's the thing with doctors like sometimes I feel like at a certain point they stay-- They're not up on the most recent research. They're still going on like what they learned in medicine- medical school 30 years ago, You know, what I mean? And-and that's what I liked about this guy is that he's not doing that he's looking for all the most recent evidence and research-based-

Meg: Mm.

Glenn: -stuff-

Rob: I-- [crosstalk]

Glenn: -about what- about what it is to be healthy and how to get there.

Rob: Because I can tell you that my general physician is exceptionally Western medicine, how- and he does the same thing except what is the data like, what's the dataset that your guy's using? That-- what my guy is using is clinical trials and yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, exactly. Go-- So-so yeah. So my-my guy, uh, [chuckles] my guy. He specializes--

Rob: My guy.

Glenn: Like his whole thing is like I mean, the most recent thing, I think, as I understand it, and I'm gonna botch this, but like is that what we're discovering is that you know, the whole like trying to live a longer life, right? Dealing with like human longevity is not just about, you know, you do not wanting to die. It's the implication that if you are living longer you are- you-you are, by definition, disease- more disease free because you can't live longer if you've got disease, if you're riddled with disease or you have diseases that are going to cause you to age. And disease is what causes you to age. Your things start to break down they stop working as well as it, you know, so that's what he specializes in is-is essentially trying to keep your body as youthful and young as possible. Not for aesthetic purposes, but for the purpose of living-living longer and more disease free.

Charlie: Don't all doctors try to keep you disease free? Isn't that the- isn't that the thing?

Rob: I don't think so.

Glenn: No. See that's what Rob was talking about, they don't--

Rob: I've never--

Charlie: They react to when you get a disease.

Glenn: Yes.

Charlie: And he's trying to get out ahead of saying--

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: -hey, before you get a disease, I think you should do this.

Glenn: Yes.

Charlie: So what is his approach with you?

Glenn: Uh, once a year I go in, I get, uh, I get gobs of blood taken-

[laughter]

Glenn: -urine, feces, saliva, whatever he needs to do--

Charlie: He's trying to get the big picture?

Glenn: Yeah, he wants to- he wants to test my, you know, my vitamin-vitamin and mineral levels. He's testing my hormone levels. He's testing my, you know, uh, there's certain you know, markers that exist for-for, you know, whether you're aging whether you're your biological you- whether you are your biological age internally or if you're older or younger, you know.

Meg: That would be a good test.

Glenn: Telomeres.

Rob: That's-that's a good test.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: This is how old you are.

Glenn: Mm.

Rob: This is how old you-

Meg: Yeah.

Rob: -really are.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And this is how old you look.

Charlie: But what's the legitimacy of that test, though? That's the question, you know, like-

Rob: Yeah, so--

Charlie: -how much of it is--

Rob: Well, for the sake-- for the- for the purposes of the podcast, it is 100% ironclad legitimate.

Charlie: [laughs] Yeah, but it-it could be or it could be-- there's-- look there's a lot of kind of-

Rob: I can tell--

Charlie: -pseudoscience in this town that's floating around.

Glenn: I think that's fair.

Rob: Sure.

Glenn: I think that's fair. I-I--

Charlie: You know, like, is it hard to know?

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: But again, I think that's what [crosstalk]

Charlie: Let me give you this $500 age test too, and then well tell a-- [crosstalk]

Rob: Yeah, we have to--

Meg: It's probably more accurate than like the Zoltar machine on the boardwalk that you put like-

[laughter]

Meg: -you know, a coin into but less than--

Glenn: Now, see, I find that guy to be surprisingly accurate, Zoltar.

Charlie: [laughs] Yeah, yeah, that guy was spot on.

Glenn: [laughs] The guy is fine. You have- you have nailed me to a T, my friend.

Rob: It's the difference between, uh, I think we have to figure out what the-then we have to agree on what those- what the markers would be. It would be the difference between say the-the SATs or an IQ test, right? Where like we're finding more and more often that- that any kind of standardized testing is just so subjective and so like based on culture and--

Charlie: A style of learning.

Glenn: A certain style, yeah.

Rob: Yeah, and-and also based on environment and-and understanding, you know, what you're putting whereas intelligence testing is like, basically about processing it's a very- it's-it's less as-as I understand it-it's, um, it's less based on subjective material.

Glenn: But, haven't they- haven't they now-- 'Cause it used to be thought that you could not increase your IQ, and haven't they recently learned that that's actually not true? You can actually improve upon your IQ?

Rob: I don't know.

Charlie: I suppose if it's just a test with a score. Theoretically, why couldn't you approve upon that, you know?

Rob: Because well, the-the-

Charlie: I think I said approve, which means I would do very poorly on it.

[laughter]

Rob: We don't know enough about intelligence to dispute it.

Charlie: Why can't you approve upon that?

Meg: Yeah.

[laughter]

Glenn: How do we approve upon this?

Charlie: How do I- how do I approve upon this?

Glenn: How do I make [chuckles]--

Meg: Well, there's the doctor that you have to pick to analyze the results, but also, we could talk about what kind of phlebotomist you'd like, meaning the person who's actually taking the blood what style do you like of that? Because I have a real needle phobia. And I've had a nurse one time think that it would be like better for me if they say I'm going to do it on the count of three and then do it on one. I don't like that.

Glenn: You don't like that move?

Meg: I don't like that move. We're building trust here. You've got a needle you're about to stick into my body, so--

Rob: I think the style of a phlebotomist is probably easy for all of us because it's pretty standard which is skinny waist big tit. [laughter]

Glenn: Oh, yeah skinny big tits.

Rob: Skinny big tits, right?

Glenn: Yeah, the only-- Right.

Meg: Okay, uh-huh.

Rob: Isn't that-- wasn't that the only acceptable-

Glenn: Body type.

Rob: -body type? [laughs]

Meg: Body type.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, skinny, big tits.

[laughter]

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: That's who you want in a nurse, you know.

Rob: That's what you want in a nurse.

Glenn: Yeah, and then the assumption is there that she can actually do her job, but that's neither here nor there. They can all do their jobs.

Rob: Well, she would, of course. [crosstalk] Yeah, she went to nursing school.

Glenn: Yeah, she went to nursing school. She did the whole thing, but she also-- Yeah.

Meg: It's Los Angeles, I bet I can find that for you.

Rob: Oh, yeah, we could find, um, but of course.

Meg: Have you ever seen those billboards that are for medical marijuana doctors? Now, they don't have them anymore because it's legal in L.A. but um, there was one for a while that had just a really pretty woman on it, and it would say, "Actual doctor." Like that was part of the selling-

Glenn: Oh, God.

Rob: Oh, God.

Meg: -was like, not only you get a weed prescription, but a hot lady is gonna give it to you.

Rob: Yeah.

Meg: She's a doctor.

Glenn: Don't worry.

Rob: Actually.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, if you can believe it, this person.

Charlie: If you can believe this person.

Glenn: Yeah, huh?

Charlie: Um, I mean, if there's-- It'd be fun to do it in a way that it's not gonna be too vague, right? To get some kind of concrete.

Rob: That's what I'm saying like we have to agree on whatever that is and then it's ironclad.

Glenn: Well, we could-we could-

Charlie: I don't know.

Glenn: -excise some of the more controversial, um, you know, elements of it, right? Some of the stuff that's a little bit newer and less time-tested, you know what I mean? We could remove some of those things.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Um, and-and kind of stick with the things that are pretty prob4ably correct. Although science, as we have established, is a liar sometimes.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Should it be relative to our age? Meaning, you know, because Meg and I are significantly younger than you guys.

[laughter]

Rob: If we were to--

Meg: Don't lump me. [laughs]

Rob: If we were to compare.

Charlie: Well, I just-- I think--

Rob: It's just unfair to compare our numbers to theirs because they're in a different age bracket.

Charlie: It's also --

[laughter]

Glenn: You know what? I have to say like I'm-- I was thinking about this and getting just a little bit of anxiety because this is a contest that I wanna win.

Rob: Yes.

Charlie: Uh-huh, exactly.

Glenn: There's a number of reasons for that-

Rob: That's right.

Glenn: -but the main reason isn't because I wanna beat you guys or anything like that. It's that I have poured so much time and energy into being as healthy as I possibly can.

Charlie: Sure.

Rob: If you don't win, oof.

Glenn: That's gonna wreck me.

Rob: That's gonna wreck-- That's gonna shatter you to the core.

Glenn: The thing that fucks me up is that over the course of this summer basically, for the last like two or three months. I just have-- I've purposely-- I've gotten so tired of eating super healthy that I've just kind of gone, "Well, what if I just kind of do a little bit more of just eating whatever I want?" So for the last like two or three months, I've been eating somewhat healthy, but kind of eating whatever the fuck I want.

Rob: Enjoying your life a little bit more.

Glenn: Enjoying my life a little bit more and not being so--

Charlie: Where does that going to the health balance?

Glenn: Yeah. Well, so-so that's my concern. I feel like that's gonna fuck with my numbers and I'm like, "I just spent the last 10 years."

Charlie: I don't think it is.

Meg: What if does not?

Charlie: I don't think it is.

Glenn: Maybe not.

Meg: What if it doesn't and then you find out that you could have been eating that way the whole time and it wouldn't have affected your health?

Rob: Yes. Yeah.

Glenn: Well, or that- or that it's-it's only because it's only been going on for two or three months.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, there's a balance. I mean, there's no arguing that if you only ate, you know, fried food and soda-

Glenn: Yeah, and I'm not doing that.

Charlie: -for three, you know, meals a day for your entire life, you wouldn't be in good health.

Glenn: Right.

Charlie: But, uh, you know, there's probably something like if you're-if you're depriving your body of a certain amount of whatever. I don't know, enjoyment, sugar, whatever-whatever it is.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: Yeah, then you might be unhealthy in a different way. It's hard to know.

Meg: What do you wanna win the most, cholesterol, testosterone? What would be the thing you'd be most excited about?

Glenn: Oh.

Charlie: I know for a fact that I had a drop in my testosterone and my doctor was like--

Glenn: Of course you did.

Rob: We're old-we're old men.

Glenn: You're in your 40's.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and my doctor was like, you know, "This is fine. As long as you're still functioning and everything's fine."

Glenn: Yeah, that's right.

Charlie: You know, go about your business and so, I've done nothing to get it up.

Meg: Has that corresponded with any change in like your-- Do you feel that hormone drop?

Charlie: I feel no difference.

Meg: Oh, really?

Glenn: No?

Charlie: No.

Rob: It's-it's corr-- Because it's so gradual maybe.

Charlie: Maybe.

Glenn: Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, you don't see it happening.

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: Or you had so much to spare that it's like--

Charlie: Yeah, that might be it too, right? So man-manly.

[laughter]

Glenn: You used to be so manly and now you're just regular manly.

Charlie: Now, I'm just a little bit kind of like chill.

Glenn: Now, you're just very manly. Well, I've enhanced myself.

[laughter]

Rob: Of course.

Glenn: Uh, just through the, you know, my diet and my vitamin intake.

Charlie: Right.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: So, there's that, but that's part of it, right? It's like, "What have I been doing to get those numbers, where I want those numbers to be?" Where my doctor wants those numbers to be, you know? So I think that's fair play.

Rob: I think that's okay

Glenn: I think that's fair play.

Rob: Of course, because that's-because that's the state of your body as it stands right now.

Glenn: That's right.

Rob: It doesn't matter. Or if we do this in three weeks, you-- everybody has the opportunity to clean up for three weeks if they really want to, or a month.

Glenn: I'm thinking about it, I'm considering it.

Rob: Yeah, and that's-- Maybe it's a good motivator.

Glenn: I feel like that's not, what we should-- I don't think that that should be.

Rob: No, we should-we should just be living our normal lives.

Glenn: Yes, I think we should go about our business the way we normally would.

Charlie: Do what you're doing.

Glenn: Do your normal, healthy shit but also do your normal unhealthy shit.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Let's see where the--

Charlie: I mean, I wonder if it's just as simple as like, "Let's just take a standard blood test and start with that," and what do those numbers mean where we at?

Glenn: Again, like the interpretation of those numbers, right? I've gotten- I've gotten some of those blood tests back and my doctor's like, "Okay." We used to think, and the conventional way of thinking is that, "This is where you want to be but what-what we are now learning is that you actually wanna be closer to this." There have been specific moments when I'm going through my blood tests with my doctor, where he's like, "Don't worry about this is a little high, but don't worry about that 'cause we're discovering that that doesn't really matter." You know. Yeah, it's maybe certain cholesterol markers.

Meg: And does he prescribe you like sound baths to get rid of it or like what's his prescriptive?

Glenn: Yeah, well, so his whole thing- his whole thing-

Charlie: A little slap in the face right there, you know.

[laughter]

Glenn: Yeah, well, as long as you get-- [crosstalk] I'm not gonna--

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, that was- that was a dick.

Glenn: But you know what, here's, here's what you know, when somebody goes to slap, I just, I turn as it's happening.

Charlie: Just roll with it.

Meg: Matrix.

Glenn: I roll with them like a blade of grass, you know.

[laughter]

Glenn: I'm blowing in the wind. I sway, but I don't break. I don't snap. I'm a blade of grass, baby. I'm known for that.

[laughter]

Rob: It's all the sound baths.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: What's that?

Rob: It's all the sound baths.

Glenn: It's all the sound bathing.

Charlie: I think it is sound baths. Sound bath is awesome. Have you ever tried it?

Meg: Oh, they're awesome.

Glenn: No, actually, I've never done those.

Rob: Look, you all three of us haven't. It's pretty cool.

Meg: They just play these bowls. They like rub this thing around the rim of a bowl and it just makes this tone and you can just like feel--

Glenn: That sounds lovely but hand me a hand-- Just gimme a handful of pills. You know what I mean? And I'll swallow them all in one gulp. I don't--

Meg: See, but that's interesting that you're more into the-

Rob: They're not pharmaceuticals.

Glenn: They're not pharmaceutical pills.

Meg: Oh. Oh.

Rob: They're plant-based.

[crosstalk]

Glenn: They're all- they're all, yeah-

Meg: -that makes sense. That tracks.

Glenn: -the best versions of the vitamins.

Rob: How far-- Okay, how about this? Are we go-- What are-- Are we gonna do things like eyesight and hearing? Are we- are we checking to see who the superior human is? Is my question. I'm like, my hearing is terrible.

Glenn: It is tough to define.

Rob: My hearing is, but I have very good eyes.

Glenn: My eyes are going.

Rob: And your eyes are going.

Glenn: My ears are.

Rob: Your ears are great.

Glenn: Great, yeah.

Rob: And what's more important, would you rather be able to see or hear?

Charlie: Now, I don't get sleepy. You know the way you're sleepy a lot.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Um, but shit hurts. You know.

Glenn: You don't get, but there's, you know, for me it's really that afternoon dip, that's when it really gets me. But-

Charlie: I don't get that. But-

Glenn: You don't get that?

Charlie: No.

Glenn: Oh, that's great.

Charlie: Pretty good energy all day. But I'm in pain like-

Glenn: God bless. Fuck you, man.

Charlie: -like, yeah.

Rob: Flexibility.

Charlie: Oh, that's bad.

Glenn: That's gonna be rough for all of us.

Rob: That's gonna be rough for all of us.

Glenn: That's gonna be rough for all of us. That's--

Rob: Cause you can't get lower.

Glenn: Not anymore.

Rob: You-you could probably get lower than all of us.

Charlie: Yeah, you can do the--

Glenn: Oh.

Rob: Meg, you're probably the most-

Glenn: We could find out how low we can go right now.

Meg: Splits.

Glenn: That's something we can do right now.

Charlie: I can't- I can't go low, but I happen to know I have impingements on my hip.

Glenn: So it seems a little unfair.

Charlie: So it's like, it's going to-

Glenn: Is that gonna hurt? Is that bad for you to--

Rob: Well, it's not necessarily unfair. That's just where his body is.

Glenn: I know, but it is it gonna hurt you to try it?

Charlie: No.

Glenn: Okay. So we should-

Charlie: Because my body will stop where it starts to--

Glenn: Should we see how low we can get?

Rob: Yeah, let's see how low we can go. Now, this is cold.

Glenn: This is going in-

Rob: This is dangerous.

Meg: Yeah, we haven't even stretched out.

Charlie: Now, you're in shorts.

Rob: I'm in shorts. Which allows for more free-free flow.

[laughter]

Charlie: By the way, by the way, that's-that's as wide as this is getting until it starts to--

Glenn: You gotta, you know, you gotta factor in your body weight can push you down a little bit lower.

Charlie: I've never had a widespread.

[laughter]

Glenn: You've never had what?

Rob: I've never had a widespread. You definitely, you're gonna be able to get the lowest I think.

Glenn: I-I definitely used to, I would say that that used to be true, but I don't.

Charlie: But that's not a flexibility, that's a skeletal thing.

Glenn: So a lot of that is. Yeah, a lot of that's--

Rob: What about-- Okay, how about this? What about just being able to touch your toes?

Meg: Oh, yeah.

Charlie: Oh, I can do that. No problem.

Glenn: I think I can do that.

Rob: Okay, there you go. That's--

Glenn: I think I can do that.

Rob: But cold.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: So we could all get there in 15 minutes 'cause--

Glenn: Let's just try to-

Charlie: One second, just touch your toes right now.

Glenn: Okay. Let's try to touch our toes.

Rob: From a standing position? Oh, Christ.

Meg: All right.

Rob: Oh, you went down fast. Could you put your feet together?

Glenn: Put your feet together?

Rob: Oh, you're grabbing your toes. You son of a bitch. Oh, look at that.

Charlie: Yeah, no problem. No problem.

Meg: Rob's not on camera.

Glenn: I can do it but I didn't like it. My hamstrings didn't like it.

Rob: No.

Glenn: Nice try.

Charlie: But I-I like shoulder rotation. I get--

Glenn: Ooh, see that's yeah. My shoulders are fucked.

Charlie: On my left side-

Meg: I don't even know how [crosstalk] have to get enough room to do this.

Charlie: It's no good.

Meg: Right? Ready?

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Oh yeah. Easy peasy. Easy peasy.

Rob: Meg has no problem. She's not even-- She went right--

Glenn: My shoulders are just fucked man.

Charlie: I don't know if it's- it's-- Aren't there different markers for a woman and a man aren't there?

Meg: There probably are. Yeah.

Charlie: I don't know.

Rob: Yeah. See, but-but look how quickly, this is what's amazing about the body is that if you just stretch for-for five, five minutes, you can put your-- Yeah, of course.

Charlie: And you feel- and you fell a little better too. The second you sit back on that chair, you're like, that felt good.

Glenn: So much good. Oh, my God.

Rob: You just released a bunch of--

Glenn: I stretch every single night before I go to bed.

Rob: Then you should be more flexible.

Glenn: It doesn't take. It doesn't take, Well, I'm probably better than I would be if I weren't doing that but it does- it's surprisingly less cumulative than I would've hoped. In other words like that. I have a sort of end of range and I think I'd have to work a lot harder to-to increase that-that range of motion. But that-that's actually something I really wanna start doing is like-like just, I don't know, spending more time, like doing mobility exercises.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: 'Cause like my shit is like getting real tight as I get older.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Everything's just tightening up.

Meg: Yeah. [laughs]

Glenn: And I don't like it, man. It's getting dry.

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Well, we can agree--

Charlie: Then it’s also strength, right? Like I-I've, I've taken a dip in my strength training. Uh, you've stayed up with it and increased upon it.

Rob: Yes, but- and the question is walk around like being strong doesn't really matter?

Glenn: Functional strength.

Charlie: Sometimes I wonder like--

Glenn: Functional strength is good.

Rob: Functional strength.

Charlie: Like, I was at the beach in Florida, and, uh, you know, there was a guy who was like, really muscular, right? But also fat in a way.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Like, you know that look where he like had a giant belly, but he was also ripped, and I was like--

Glenn: He's not-- He-he hasn't started cutting yet.

Charlie: Yeah, and, uh, I don't know--

Glenn: He's loading- he's loading.

Charlie: I couldn't tell him like is he in good health or is he in bad or if that's--

Glenn: I don't think it's--

Charlie: Uh, maybe it's specific to his personal body. Like, isn't that part of it too where it's like-

Glenn: Sure.

Charlie: -somebody's body wants to be big and him-

Glenn: But I think it's- I think it's--

Charlie: -and like rail thin is maybe not good for that guy.

Glenn: Yeah, he may have a certain natural proclivity towards size that some of us aren't.

Charlie: They're saying there's like a certain kind of fat that's healthy to have too. Like, uh, the, uh, it's got a term like gray fat or brown fat or.

Glenn: Oh, brown fat.

Charlie: Is it a brown fat? It's the fat around your organs.

Glenn: But that's what you don't-- I think that's what you don't want.

Charlie: That's what you don't want. But there's a good fat that they're realizing.

Glenn: Is there that they're realizing?

Charlie: That they're realizing.

[chuckles]

Rob: We definitely need doctors.

Charlie: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: Any doctor- any doctor from any part of town.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: Is gonna be better than us.

Charlie: Telling you what, my joints are getting bad, man. Like doing pullups, the muscles feel fine, but the elbows man, like--

Glenn: Oh, your elbows are bugging you?

Charlie: Not, only if I'm pulling my body mass up and down, over and over and over again.

Glenn: What's giving you problems physically? What-what do you feeling these days? When you work out, is there something that's given you problems or is a sport that you play where you're like, "God damn, this knee or whatever?"

Rob: I don't have any of those lingering issues, but I think it's because I was never an athlete. I never did any of those things so like all my friends [crosstalk].

Charlie: How frequently are you doing the, uh, the ice bath things? The, uh, what's it called?

Rob: Yeah, the cold plunge?

Charlie: The cold plunge. You still doing it?

Rob: Yeah, I still do that three times a week. Oh, yeah.

Charlie: So that could be a part of that. That could be keeping your inflammation weight out, man.

Rob: Also genetics, like my dad still runs five miles a day-

Glenn: God bless.

Rob: -and he has never had any problems with his knees or knuckles.

Charlie: Yeah, could be part of it?

Rob: We're small people. That's helpful.

Glenn: Yeah, it does.

Rob: Like, I think car-carrying around large amounts of weight is not quite.

Glenn: Gravity's not pulling on you as hard.

Charlie: Being a really big person is- has its benefits. Uh, certainly, like I think people in society will take you more seriously at first. And there are- there are certain benefits, right?

Glenn: Sure

Charlie: To being a great big tall guy. But man, I was on a- on a little plane from Dallas to, uh, Destin, Florida, you know like one of those American ones that have the two seats in the one or the other?

Glenn: Mm.

Charlie: And I went to the bathroom and my head was touching the ceiling.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I'm like, "How the hell is a large guy getting in this place?"

Glenn: Yeah, he's--

Meg: They hunch.

Glenn: They gotta hunch down.

Meg: That's why like tall people like--

Charlie: Oh, man.

Meg: I've had to work always on pulling my shoulders back and my posture 'cause I got tall really early when I was younger and-and-

Glenn: And you didn't like it.

Meg: -I didn't like it and especially 'cause the guys hadn't caught up yet. So I was like, "Make me smaller." I was curling my body in all the time. So I have to work on that.

Rob: Well, what happens if one of us finds out that we have brain cancer?

Charlie: And that's the fear, right?

Rob: Why is that the fear? That's the good thing.

Charlie: Mm.

Glenn: Oh, you don't wanna know.

Rob: You don't wanna know?

Glenn: You don't wanna know?

Charlie: No.

Rob: Okay. That's actually fascinating, and I think there's a part of you that really is joking and a part of you that really feels that way.

Charlie: No-- [crosstalk]

Rob: I know lots of people who a- who truly believe that.

Charlie: Yeah, no, I-I do wanna know.

Rob: Educated people.

Charlie: Like if I have a freckle that's cancerous, yeah, go ahead and chop that off. If I have a brain tumor and I got like a month to live one way or the other, then I'm like, uh, I'd rather just be like, poof.

Glenn: Well, somebody was telling me a fascinating story, uh, yesterday. This is completely and totally anecdotal, I admit, but they were saying that they were reading about something that happened. Some story where a doctor mixed up two patients' charts. Just completely mixed them up. Told the- told one of his patients who was in perfectly good health that they only had six months to live according to their chart. Told the other person who had six months to live, that they were in great health and they had no problems. And the fucking guy, apparently, who was told that they had six months to live who was in perfect health, died in six months and the other guy fucking lived.

Rob: Now that's a great story and it's like-- [crosstalk]

Glenn: Isn't that great?

Rob: It's such a--

Glenn: No, no, let's stop there. It's a great story, you heard it here, it's a great story.

Rob: It's such a wonderful internet parable. That's such bullshit.

Glenn: You heard it here.

Charlie: How long you wanna live? How-

Rob: Yeah, well, do you guys think you're gonna die?

Glenn: -how-how old do you wanna be when-when you're- when you're-- [crosstalk]

Meg: Rob's not entirely convinced.

Rob: I'm not 100% sure. I could b the first one.

Glenn: About when?

Meg: We've-we've talked about this before.

Charlie: You don't think you're gonna die?

Glenn: There's a chance.

Meg: He's not 100% sure he is gonna die.

Rob: I'm not 100% sure, but no- but this-this-this corporeal plane will cease to exist.

Glenn: Yeah, the meat puppet is gonna die.

Rob: The meat puppet will cease to exist, but I will upload my consciousness into some sort of-- [crosstalk]

Meg: Oh, so you're gonna keep the worst part?

[laughing]

Glenn: Yeah, you're gonna upload yourself into, uh, into a sentient computer being-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -whose body just doesn't need a bunch of pills. Just needs like an oiling every once in a while, like a-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -an application of some sort of a lubricating thing-

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -possibly some sort of a power source and uh, beyond that uh, you'll live forever inside the body of a, uh, um an Android.

Rob: Who knows I need a body at all, maybe I just exist in a mainframe [chuckles].

Glenn: Well, we're making the planet completely inhospitable to- to this corporeal form.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: And eventually we will--

Charlie: We're gonna go digital.

Meg: Mm.

Glenn: We're gonna have to go- we're gonna have to basically--

Charlie: Get out of these uh, analog meat sleeves.

Glenn: Yeah. Do you think that we will just end up living our conscio- our consciousnesses will just end up existing in the metaverse?

Rob: I don't know. I think that'd be sweet.

Meg: I don't want that. I wanna be done. Don't you wanna be done? Don't you wanna just come to an end eventually and be done?

Glenn: Absolutely.

Rob: Oh, I feel like I'm just getting started.

Glenn: Oh, really?

[music]

Rob: No buddy, you peaked. [laughs]

Glenn: Buddy yeah, you peaked.

Meg: And now a word from our sponsor BetterHelp.

Charlie: If you guys don't know BetterHelp, it's a great alternative to traditional in-office therapy because it's convenient, it's accessible, it's affordable, and perhaps best of all, it's entirely online.

Glenn: Yeah. That's right. No, you can get matched with a therapist after filling out a very brief survey.

Charlie: We do love a good survey.

Glenn: Oh, we love our surveys here on The Always Sunny Podcast and this one will help match you with the right person for whatever it is you wanna talk about.

Rob: Yep. Plus, say you don't get matched with the right person or something changes--

Charlie: Yeah, what happens if you don't get matched with the right person?

Rob: Well, you want you switch therapists?

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: Guess what? You can at any time.

Meg: Yeah. It's obviously very important to find the right person when you're looking for therapy. And I know when I use BetterHelp, they just help me become a better problem solver which made it easier for me to stay on track and accomplish my goals.

Charlie: So uh, when you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. It's just that easy, right?

Rob: Yeah. You gotta visit BetterHelp.com/sunny today to get 10% off your first month.

Glenn: Yeah. And just to be clear, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com/sunny.

[music]

Charlie: Danny's looking good.

Glenn: Yeah, that's a thing.

Rob: Danny's looking great. We should consider Dr. Kipper.

Charlie: Mm-hmm, he's the best.

Glenn: Do you have a doctor that you would like to pitch?

Rob: I have a doctor, yes. I- I think he's- he's great. Um, he's probably just like middle of the road, very- very western but very up to date on-- again, all of the data that he uses whenever he references things, it's all like very buttoned up medical papers and whatnot.

Meg: Is this the guy that gave us the B12 shots that one time?

Rob: No, that's the guy-- Well, what's great about him, so he's one of the Hollywood doctors who comes around and gives us physicals-- For the- for the creeps and listeners who don't know this, every time you run a new season of a show, the insurance company makes you get physicals, and what they'll do to just save time, is they'll send a doctor to the office or the stage, and they'll just give you a physical.

Charlie: Those people are-

Rob: Amazing.

Charlie: -unbelievable.

Rob: So, we found a really great one-

Meg: Mm-hmm.

Rob: -and he-- and at one point somebody asked for a B12 shot because it was really like in the height of uh, flu s- cold and flu season, pre-covid, and he shows up with a, like a whole canister foam and he goes, "Um, just- just FYI, these are bullshit."

[laughter]

Rob: And he's like this-- There's no science to prove that these work but if you believe that they do and you want me to- there's no downside to it.

Glenn: Well, now I don't.

[laughter]

Rob: There's no downside to it so-

Charlie: Thanks a lot doctor.

Rob: -if you want to take it, I'm happy to give it to you. But I have to tell you that there's no science that suggests that this actually work. And everybody-

Charlie: Well, isn't there--

Rob: -said, "Load me up doc."

Charlie: Yeah, come on hit me. Isn't there some uh-

Glenn: Well, we're here, you brought them.

Charlie: Well, you're and it looks exciting, something cool could happen.

[laughter]

Charlie: Might get a little high.

Rob: What if- okay, what if- what if we did this? This might be a lot of extra work, but if we had each d- individual doctor analyze the results themselves, and then we see the difference in doctors.

Glenn: Oh.

Meg: Oh, sure.

Glenn: Now that’s interesting. So basically we get- we get the results and we give them to all the doctors?

Rob: Mm-hmm. And we say- we say to them look, we know you're busy like saving lives and stuff-

[laughter]

Rob: -but we got a-a podcast we gotta do, okay?

Charlie: Take time out of your extraordinarily busy, uh-

Rob: Exactly.

Charlie: -lifesaving schedules.

Rob: Now, we are in Hollywood-

Glenn: This is what I mean--

Charlie: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: -and doctors spreading the message-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: -right, of health, maybe they'll be into it.

Charlie: They'll probably also bill us for time-

Rob: Yeah, they'll also bill us.

Meg: Yeah, absolutely.

Glenn: Absolutely.

Charlie: -so that's you know.

[laughter]

Rob: As they should.

Glenn: Yeah, sure. They'll be providing a service, won't they?

Rob: That would be fun and then we could have the doctors on.

Glenn: I don't know if my guy-- well, I don't know, maybe.

Charlie: We could have them on-- not together.

Rob: Oh, 'cause they might fight.

Charlie: Cause they might fight.

Rob: For their own and our own safety.

Charlie: One- one at a time.

Glenn: Now, that would be amazing.

[laughter].

Glenn: Our three doctors all sitting in these chairs right here-

Meg: Arguing about-

Glenn: -arguing about the results.

Rob: Yelling over each other so no one can understand [chuckles].

Glenn: If we could make that-

Charlie: I don't think-

Glenn: -happen that would be ama-

Charlie: They probably would have a very calm and collected-

Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: -conversation with--

Rob: And guess what? It'll be fucking boring.

Charlie: One the whole, probably agree with it. It would be boring cause doctors aren't entertainers.

Glenn: I don't think it would be boring to me, I'll say that because I find this stuff fascinating.

Charlie: Well, we could see if it was boring and if it was, we could-

Glenn: Cut that.

Rob: Cut that- cut that- cut that.

Charlie: Cut it, cut it yeah or we could add sound effects or cool things to jazz it up.

[sound effect]

[laughter]

Charlie: You know when you like slow down a frame it's like, uh, I think your numbers are high are--

Glenn: [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, it's stuff like that.

Charlie: I was like, yeah, all those kinds of things to keep the kids engaged. Um--

Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah just we'll have the little sound effects board, you know, I mean, that's how you make--

Rob: We should come up with a, definitely like, a top 10 list. Top 10.

Glenn: Top 10?

Rob: Most-most important things. Like-like we can agree on things like that are just simply objective, right?

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Blood pressure, cholesterol.

Glenn: Heart rate.

Rob: Testosterone levels.

Glenn: Well, it's good that, uh, we're all advocating for our doctors because that-that means that we're all, uh, you know, feeling pretty confident about the doctors that we're gonna see. So I- I'd call that a- I'd call that a win overall.

Rob: Okay.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: if I wasn't advocating for my doctor and I was leaning towards yours, then I'd probably want to switch doctors. [chuckles]

Meg: So medicine basically a good thing, right? You guys are falling on the side of pro-- [crosstalk]

Charlie: Pro-medicine.

Rob: I'm-I'm pro-medicine. I'm also pro-preventative care. It is fascinating.

Charlie: Uh, I am as well. And I- and I'm also pro even though I lean towards traditional western medicine, I'm like but also look into the other stuff, too, because I do think and I have seen examples where it's worked. You know.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: You've done acupuncture before?

Charlie: I have, yeah.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: That didn't do much for me, but, but the guy that-that I went to for acupuncture did cure my son of this crazy rash thing he was having when he was two.

Glenn: Wow.

Charlie: Where his pediatrician ha- had no clue how to treat it and then-and then we went to a dermatologist, and they didn't know, and this guy gave him a bunch of herbs to sort of heal his gut and the rash went away.

Meg: Wow.

Glenn: Incredible.

Charlie: So, yeah. So I've seen it happening. [crosstalk]

Meg: Whatever works?

Glenn: Seen it all baby.

Meg: Whatever works.

Charlie: Yes, I have seen it. [chuckles]

[laughter]

Charlie: I have not seen it all, nor do I want to see it all you know what I mean? From a medical sense, no, thank you.

Glenn: No.

Charlie: No, thank you. I don't want to see at all.

Rob: Well, they're going to see it all on Friday. Um, they're gonna see everything inside me and I could bring that in if you'd like to-to the video-

Glenn: Wanna see deep inside your butthole? Yeah absolutely.

Charlie: I need to go-- Can I come along? I need to- I need to get a camera up there and see what's what, you know.

Glenn: What are you saying, you wanna join? You wanna join?

Meg: You just make it a two-shot.

Charlie: Yeah a two-shot.

Rob: Get him for coverage.

Glenn: Can you get us in a three? [chuckles]

Charlie: Glen, we have the same proctologist. I've been going to your guy.

Glenn: Oh, yeah we got the same butthole guy.

Charlie: And we got the same butthole guy and he says that it's time to go get--

Glenn: Uh, that's what he's been, he's been to, every time I go see him, he's like, when are doing it?

Charlie: When are you getting that colonoscopy? Yeah. I know.

Rob: How often do you go in to see a proctologist [chuckles] without getting a colonoscopy?

Glenn: I mean, not that often. I'm just saying, every time I do it. So many women out there fantasizing about us, and here we are talking about our buttholes and our butthole doctors. Cut that.

Charlie: Women fantasizing about us?

Glenn: Absolutely. Come on.

Charlie: [chuckles] No.

Glenn: Sure.

Rob: I don't know, I don't think so.

Glenn: I'm going all salt and pepper. You know, I'm-I'm-

Charlie: No, man.

Glenn: -I'm a sa-- Turning into a silver fox.

Glenn: That's my mindset at least.

Rob: [chuckles] That's yourself talk.

Charlie: Why are you going so grey is it-- could it be your health?

Rob: Hmm.

Glenn: Hmm.

Charlie: Oh no.

Rob: Could be your age?

Glenn: I don't know if that's, I don't know if that's related to health.

Charlie: I don't think so.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: I think it's related to hair.

Glenn: I think it's genetics. It's just genetics. I still got all my hair, though. That's good. Yeah most of it.

Meg: Well, you cut most-most of it off but-

Charlie: You cut most of it but it's coming back.

Glenn: I did. I just mean, I was-I-I it was, you know, of course, there is that small part of you that's that, you know, you're like I know this doesn't make any sense, but what if it doesn't come back, you know?

Rob: Well, you'll find another doctor in Hollywood and in Beverly Hills.

Meg: He'll put it back.

Rob: And he'll put it.

Charlie: And put some hair in your head.

Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: I did read a thing, uh, talk about in the- on the comments where someone said, uh, that we all have hair plugs.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah I love that.

Rob: Oh, we do.

Glenn: We're getting-- Oh, I'm getting, I'm get-- We're getting a lot, uh, yeah, a lot of comments, uh, uh, yeah a lot of comments about how like we're- our hair--

Charlie: My man, if I have plugs, you think I would get a much better head-- [crosstalk]

Glenn: I know look at me. [crosstalk]

Rob: What the fuck? I would the thi-- That's such a--

Charlie: Oh, and, uh--

Glenn: I'd be- I'd be fucking Teen Wolf, man. I just-- It'd come down to here and be fucking--

[laughter]

Charlie: And the work done. People being like, "Oh, they've had a lot of work done like on their face like.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah. It's fantastic.

Rob: Really?

Charlie: Buddy, if I, If this is work done, I need my money back, you know.

Glenn: I know. Give you your money back.

[laughter]

Charlie: Like give me my fucking money back man.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Whatever.

Glenn: No, but I mean, I--

Charlie: Let them think what they think.

Glenn: But I do take- I do take a lot of, you know, supplements that are supposed to help with, like, good skin and hair and all that kind of shit, so-

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, I think it's--

Glenn: You know, maybe it's working. I don't think we- I don't think we- we don't look like we've had plastic surgery. What the fuck are people talking about. Uh, they're joking, right?

Rob: I don't know.

Charlie: I don't know.

Rob: People just like to rile you up.

Glenn: And just like talk shit.

Rob: They wanna rile you up.

Glenn: Yeah, that's okay. I'm not even gonna let them get to me. I'm a blade of grass, baby.

Meg: [chuckles] As we've established.

Glenn: We've established that.

Rob: Butt health. Blood health.

Charlie: Brain, but how do we get into brain health?

Rob: Brain health.

Charlie: How do we get it-- that's probably the most important health there is.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: Mental health.

Charlie: Mental health, but how do we determine that?

Rob: Trying to find a therapist that will come in and be like, "Well, you're fucked up. You're not so bad."

Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rob: You're a lost cause. Like, we're not gonna get anybody.

[laughter].

Rob: God, I wish we could find somebody who would do that.

Glenn: Yeah, just break us down.

Rob: Yes, I would do that.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: That would be fun.

Glenn: Like I wonder if there is like, is there like a quick sort of, like you know what I'm saying? Like a-like a, a set of questions that helps someone determine your sort of baseline mental health? Is that a thing?

Charlie: Should we ask the audience what they want us to do? Uh, talk to a therapist.

Glenn: Yeah, let's find out.

Charlie: See that- see everything just the blood work. What do they- what do they want.

Rob: What do they want because I'll give it to them.

Charlie: What do you-what do you- what do you want from us? You wanna see our outside, you wanna see our insides, you wanna get inside our heads here?

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: You want it all, man.

Glenn: Yeah, of course, they want it all.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Fucking blood-sucking sons of bitches.

[music]

Glenn: We are supported by Athletic Greens.

Charlie: I can't start my day without it. I cannot.

Rob: It-it feels like that.

Charlie: No, I can't do it.

Glenn: You know what, I'm actually coming to terms with the fact that I never will not take AG1 every morning.

Rob: Are we- are we addicted to it? Are we addicted to AG1?

Charlie: Are we addicted to AG1?

Glenn: No, no, no. we're just very fond of it because it contains less than one gram of sugar, no GMOs, no nasty chemicals or artificial freaking anything and it's still-- It ta- i-it tastes so good.

Charlie: We could stop taking it at any point in time, but we don't want to because our bodies wanna feel like superheroes.

Rob: To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do to do is visit athleticgreens.com/sunny.

Charlie: Okay. So go to athleticgreens.com/sunny and take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. Guys, let's talk about sex, baby. Sex should be the best part of your day when you get to have it.

Glenn: That's right, and sex is all about confidence, right fellas?

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Rob: It's an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but in a chewable form.

Glenn: Man, gone are the oppressive days of boner pills that you had to swallow.

Charlie: Plus BlueChew is a fraction of the cost of those other products. So you can get more bang for your buck literally.

Rob: And because BlueChew is an online prescription service, there are no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. It ships right to your door in a discreet package.

Charlie: And here's the special deal for our listeners, okay? Try BlueChew free when you use the promo code sunny. So you're like, "Oh, I might buy this." But no, you're gonna get it free if you use the promo code Sunny at checkout and you just pay for $5 shipping, that's it.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I mean, that's bluechew.com promo code Sunny to receive your first month for free.

Meg: And now we jump forward two weeks later. Just for all the creeps and listeners out there, I'd like to introduce what we're doing today which is, um, we are getting our blood drawn for these tests that we-we were talking about to compare all of our numbers. Um, we have Amy here who is our phlebotomist. I've already mispronounced it, phlebotomist, um, and she'll be taking all of our blood. Now, we're not doing urine or feces, we are not.

Rob: Hmm.

Meg: Are we? Are you prepared for that?

Glenn: I just peed.

Rob: I just peed too.

Meg: Oh, you were planning on taking it. I didn't know that.

Charlie: Is it urine?

Amy: It's urine.

Meg: Okay.

Rob: Okay, I could probably work seomthing out.

Charlie: I should just pour my coffee and drink 'cause you're doing the same thing.

Glenn: Same here.

Meg: Okay, great.

Amy: Um, but no feces.

Rob: We could skip that, yeah, I'm sure.

Meg: No feces. All right.

Amy: We can skip that part.

Meg: Amy, what happens if they refuse to fill out this health questionnaire?

Amy: I can't force them.

Meg: Okay. Well, there you go.

Rob: Uh, but see now that makes me want to answer it.

Glenn: Yeah, I kinda- I'm kind of with Rob on-- I'm leaning towards Rob here, I-I-- Because I-I'm curious to know what the answers are purely based on the numbers and the--

Rob: Well, okay. So for example, number 17, how often do you use your cell phone while driving excluding hands for usage? It's an overall health-

Meg 4: Yes.

Rob 1: -and-

Meg 4: Risk assessment.

Rob 3: Risk assessment. And it's very easy for one of us-

Glenn 1: Wait, it's a health risk assessment?

Meg: They don't have a question on here though is, do you work with three men who refuse to do anything that you ask them to do, and does it cause you stress on a daily basis?

Glenn: Which can damage your health, that can damage your health.

Rob 1: But that would potentially raise your blood pressure-

Glenn 3: That's right.

Rob 1: -which is a metric that you could-

Glenn 3: Yeah.

Rob: -test.

Charlie: Yeah, I-I will say that the-the questions are too antidotal, right?

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: They're not scientific enough, right? So like--

Charlie: Right, yeah.No, this is your concern, right? That's like so-

Glenn: [sings] Nobody can tell me what to do, it's my phlebotomy.

Charlie: Okay, right, right.

[laughter]

Meg: All right. It's time to draw our blood. Now, can I ask a question of you guys? Did-- Knowing that we were getting our blood drawn today, did anybody clean up their act at all?

Rob: I-I thought about it-

Glenn: No, as a matter of fact, I did the opposite.

Rob: -and then I decided- I decided not to. I was like, "Let's just be honest and fair."

Charlie: Not in the slightest.

Rob: I-I-I also learned something about myself and maybe you're-you're keying in on this right here, Glenn. I actually went the opposite direction and I think it's because, a-at first I thought, "Well, maybe I'll clean up for it." Then I decided, "No, I won't do that. I-I wanna be honest."

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: And then for some reason, I went too honest.

Glenn: The- to the, yeah, the opposite direction. That's what happened to me.

Rob: I went the opposite. I started drinking more-

Glenn: Ah.

Rob: -and exercising less.

Glenn: Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Meg: Right

Meg: Great, okay.

Rob: So this will see--

Charlie: You guys are gonna be healthier than me?

Rob: I don't know-

Charlie: I don't know.

Rob: -I don't know, I'm a--

Glenn: So much of it is genetics too. Like just-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -you know, so much of it also is like, what's your gut biome doing-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -versus what's my gut biome doing?

Charlie: It's getting bigger.

Rob: Are we checking your-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -are we checking-- [crosstalk]

Glenn: We're controlled completely by the bacteria in our stomach. You realize that, right?

Rob: Sure.

Glenn: That's what science is telling us now.

Charlie: Maybe you, bitch, sure.

[laughter]

Glenn: See, that's the bacteria talking.

[laughter]

Glenn: You love me, the bacteria.

Charlie: Bacteria's like, "Don't let him know we're in charge."

[laughs]

Meg: Well, um, our-our-our phlebotomist, I can't say that, nurse, can I call you nurse 'cause I can pronounce that word? No?

Amy: Phlebotomist.

Meg: Phlebotomist?

Amy: Yep.

Glenn: Yeah-yeah. Hey, listen-

Meg: I'm so sorry, um, yeah-

Amy: It's okay [laughs].

Meg: -Amy -

Glenn: Amy?

Meg: -um, is also Mike-

[laughs]

Meg: -so you guys can ask her questions, uh, if you have any, uh, about, uh, this blood draw.

Glenn: Okay-okay.

Meg: Knowing that we will also have--

Rob: Okay.

Meg: uh, a doctor promotion [crosstalk]

Glenn: Okay-okay-okay. I have a question.

Meg: Okay, yeah.

Glenn: Mmm. Yeah-yeah.

Rob: Oh, you raised your hand first, you can go ahead. Go ahead.

Charlie: He had his hand first.

Glenn: No, no, I mean, no, no I was just excited. I'm excited.

Charlie: He had his hand up.

Glenn: I just, I'm a little confused. And most of the time, when I get a blood draw, I have to come in fasting. Uh, I-I actually haven't eaten today, but I have had-- So, but-but I feel like my blood pressure is gonna be higher or whatever is the metric for this because I had coffee-

Rob: And that'll affect-

Glenn: -and no food.

Rob: -that'll affect your cholesterol. Right? Whether you've-

Glenn: So-

Rob: -fasted or not-

Glenn: Yeah. -

Amy: Correct. It will, um, it won't-- But from what, you know, the way they've been doing it lately, I've-we've seen-been seeing a lot of doctors making orders without requiring fasting. Um, so it's--

Glenn: Okay.

Amy: I'm just it's showing that it's not really making too much of a difference, but-

Glenn: Ah.

Amy: -whether you're fasting or not, I would always recommend to fast. Of course, if they do a lipid panel, which is what he said, to your cholesterol, um, it can raise it up, but--

Glenn: Well, what about if I've fast- if I've not just fasted, but I've had coffee like-

Amy: Coffee?

Glenn: -just black coffee.-

Amy: You're good.

Glenn: That won't-that won't affect any of this numbers on anything? -

Amy: Mm-hmm. The difference with fasting and nothing by mouth is when you're fasting, okay, you can't have no food or anything like that. You can have all the water you want, you can have coffee, tea, no cream, no sugar-

Glenn: Oh, okay.

Amy: -and no additives into it. Nothing by mouth is exactly what it is. Just nothing by mouth. -

Glenn: So is-is my score gonna be affected, would you say, in a positive way for having fa- being fasted or-or--

Amy: I think you would get a more accurate result.

Rob: I think what we're looking for-

Glenn: Okay-okay.

Rob: -is, and I think we can all agree that this is gonna happen no-no matter what. If there's gonna be an asterisk at the end of this. -

Glenn: Absolutely.

Rob: -uh well all look, because, and this is what's great if it works out and we feel great about the number, then it was all-it was-

Glenn: That it was-it was all done perfectly right.

Rob: [crosstalk]

Glenn: That's right.

Rob: Yeah. And then-and then if it's not, then we can just throw an asterisks out there and say it's all flawed. Okay-

Glenn: 100%.

Rob: - great-great.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Now, I just had a colonoscopy.-

Amy: I'm sorry [laughs].

Rob: Yeah, no, it's fine. I enjoyed-actually enjoyed it.

Glenn: Did you enjoy it?

[laughter]

Rob: Um, I did enjoy-I did enjoy it. It was really easy.

Glenn: Now, that's interesting.

Rob: Um, It was really fun. They made it really fun.

Glenn: Really?

Rob: And, uh, but with the propofol that might still be coursing through my system, will that affect my blood?

Amy: How long ago did you do it?

Rob: Four hours ago.

Charlie: Wait.

Glenn: Wait-wait-wait.

Rob: No, I'm just kidding-I'm just kidding.

[laughter]

Rob: It was, uh, two--

Charlie: Well, you can do it-you can do it like in-the first thing in the morning now like--

Glenn: No, you did it like 40-like 48 hours ago. Right? -

Charlie: And get to work, right?

Rob: Yeah-yeah-yeah. It was a couple of days ago. It was on Monday.

Amy: You'll be fine-

Rob: Yeah.

Amy: -you'll be fine.

Rob: I feel great.

Amy: [laughs]

Glenn: I think we should just watch the needle go and--

Rob: I have a weird thing.

Charlie: I don't like to look at it.

Meg: I can't look at it either.

Rob: I-I-I-

Glenn: I can't look at it.

Rob: -I enjoyed-- This is very strange. I-- If I see it on a movie or a television show, I have to look away, but I enjoy watching the needle go into my own arm. -

Glenn: Well, that's funny. I-I-- Yeah, I don't like it in either suits.

Charlie: You like things going into your arm and up your butt, and you're like--

[laughter]

Charlie: You just like to be probed.

[laughter].

Rob: St-- Yeah, I like to be probed, stick it in.

Glenn: Yeah, you like to be penetrated.

Charlie: Aliens would fucking hate you. Just be like, I fucking love them.

Glenn: He's enjoying this and I can't enjoy it if he's enjoying it.

[laughter]

Charlie: There's one who likes it too much get rid of him.

[laughter]

Charlie: You might have saved our species. Like they might have been like-

Meg: It's true.

Charlie: -they're getting too much pleasure from this.

Glenn: They're-they're learning-they're learning to enjoy this.

Charlie: And it's not worth our time.

[laughter]

Amy: I gotta be able to get in there-

Charlie: Okay.

Rob: Oka.

Amy: -someway, somehow.

Charlie: Can you come around here or-- I can move the microphone.

Glenn: We do one- Are we having to do one of us at a time or are you gonna stick us all and no, you gotta do one at a time [laughs].

Amy: I gotta do one at a time. [laughs]

Glenn: Of course yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie: Yeah, one at a time, must be safe.

Meg: You wanna squeeze that one?

Glenn: Oh-oh-oh nice, yeah. Actually, I mean, it does help the vein pop, right? To squeeze something? Doesn't it?

Amy: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Glenn: I don't know, my-my phlebotomist-

Amy: And let it hang down even.

Glenn: -always gives me, uh, well those-one of those stress balls to squeeze.

Charlie: You have a dedicated phlebotomist?

Glenn: Well, when I go to the doctor and put on, yeah.

Rob: Oh, I see.

Glenn: The phlebotomist at the--

Rob: Got it.

Glenn: -doctor's office.

Charlie: Stop saying phlebotomist.

[laughter]

Rob: Um, now--

Amy: You’re gonna take the-

Rob: Phlebotomy, as-as, uh, I suspected-

Glenn: And you-- Yeah.

Rob: -is also from the Greek words.

Glenn: Yes, that's right.

Rob: Yeah.

[laughter]

Charlie: Slow down.

[laughter]

Rob: Phlebs, Fleps meaning vein.

Glenn: Mm-hmm.

Rob: And, tom, meaning a cutting.

Meg: Cutting.

Charlie: Right before I gotta go.

Rob: Vein cutting.

Glenn: Vein cutting.

Amy: These are the panels you guys chose, so.

Rob: Yes, I like, there's a lot of--

Glenn: I didn't choose anything.

Rob: Look at how many there are?

Glenn: Someone, who chose these?

Rob: These are great. Was it Dr. Kipper?

Meg: We chose them in conjunction with our doctor, Dr. Kipper.

Rob: Dr. Kipper.

Charlie: Oh, Kipper. Kipper sent me a really text. He's like, "I've already decided that you're the healthiest."

[laughter]

Glenn: Can I go next?

Meg: Yeah, go ahead.

Charlie: Stand slowly here.

Meg: Yeah, be careful.

Amy: Watch your cord, yeah.

Glenn: Honestly, I'm getting so hungry and I rather just stay fasted since. Is that the first time you've ever heard someone saying it's my phlebotomy?

Amy: It is the first time, yes. [laughs] I appreciate it

Glenn: I wonder if people thought it. Probably not, 'cause it's ridiculous.

Amy: When I first started doing phlebotomy, one of my patients I had a-- I was brand new and I had just stuck the needle into the bevel of it, was just right at the tip but not all the way in-

Glenn: Oh, God.

Amy: -and it just hit it enough to where the blood just shot a straight stream straight up in the air.

Charlie: Oh, boy.

Meg: Oh, boy.

Amy: Yeah, and I was-- and the patient was looking the other way and I was like, "Uh."

Glenn: Oh, God. Nothing.

Charlie: Nothing.

Glenn: Nothing.

Amy: Exactly.

Glenn: Just like, big like- big like splatter. Blood splatter all on your face [crosstalk]

Amy: Exactly.

Charlie: Okay, can you make that happen on purpose?

Amy: No, I can't. [laughs]

[music]

Rob: For all the freaks out there.

Glenn: It's inserted.

Meg: Inserted.

Charlie: Oh, dang.

Meg: Great, thank you. And then we just gotta pee into cups?

Amy: Pee into cups. Stand on the scale.

Meg:: Oh, okay.

Charlie: I'll take a pee cup. You got one?

Amy: Oh, yes.

Meg: And now, she'll take our blood pressure.

Automated Voice: Please remain seated and refrain from talking during measurements.

Charlie: Fuck you. Don't tell me what to do.

[laughter]

Charlie: Oh, God-

Amy: This is what I like cause I can say, "It's not me. It's not me, I'm not doing it." [laughs]

Automated Voice: Your blood pressure is abnormal.

[laughter]

Rob: Ouch.

Glenn: What did it say? What did it say?

Meg: Abnormal.

Amy: Abnormal.

Meg: My blood pressure is.

Glenn: Please see a doctor immediately.

Amy: Who's going next? You wanna go next?

Glenn: I'll go next, yeah.

Automated Voice: Your blood pressure is abnormal.

[laughter]

Glenn: Abnormal, yeah.

Charlie: You wanna do me?

Amy: Okay.

Charlie: All right.

Automated Voice: Your blood pressure is abnormal.

Meg: Oh, we all have abnormal.

Glenn: I don't trust this one.

Charlie: I don't know about this machine, man.

Amy: You guys are all stressed out. [laughs]

Charlie: I don't know about this machine.

Rob: I don't know if the machine works. Right after that. I'll let you know.

Charlie: What do you know?

Automated Voice: Your blood pressure is abnormal.

Amy: It looks good to me. I don't know why it means abnormal. That's pretty good.

Charlie: You're abnormal, motherfucker.

Amy: Pretty good. [laughs]

Charlie: You heard it.

Rob: My blood pressure is 159 over 78.

Amy: That's pretty good.

Rob: That's abnormally good.

Amy: That's not bad, yeah.

Meg: Okay. Well, we've given all our fluids, so--

Rob: We've given almost every one of our fluids to Amy.

Charlie: We've filled the blood buckets.

Amy: Yes.

Meg: Thank you for coming Amy, and can you tell us the name of your company that you are working for?

Amy: Absolutely. I'm with the National Phlebotomy Provider Network.

Meg: Nice.

Amy: Owner is Nathan Cron, and we really appreciate you guys choosing us to come and do this for you. Thank you very much.

Charlie: All right. All right. [crosstalk] Thank you.

Glenn: Thank you, Amy.

Meg: All right. We can't wait for the results. [music] To be continued next week when the doctor is in.

Dr. Kipper: Can I propose a-- I don't know what your format is, but-- [crosstalk]

Glenn: We don't have a format.

Charlie: This is, uh, it's chaos.

Meg: And we have the results.

Glenn: We thought like, "Oh, this would be a good opportunity to find out if any of us are headed towards heart attack country and get our blood taken and find out what's going on inside of our bodies and- but most importantly, to find out who's the healthiest." So we are-- this is a competition, um, and-

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: -I'm just hoping that you're not biased towards Charlie because he's your patient.

Meg: Tune in next Monday for Part two, where we'll find out who's more healthier.

[music]

[End Credits]