On the pod, the guys revisit Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4, Episode 8.
Charlie Day: What's up with this?
Rob McElhenney: What's this?
Charlie: I don't know. It's a different look.
Rob: It sure is.
Megan Ganz: Uh, yeah, I got us a new table and some new chairs.
Rob: Oh.
Megan: Just, you know, I listen to you guys when you complain about stuff, so.
Rob: These are chairs that don't slide?
Megan: They don't- they don't slide. They do move up and down if you want to, like, come up or--
Rob: Actually, when you slide, they, kind of ride up. They ride your undies up in your butt.
Megan: [laughs]
Rob: Well, Charlie can slide on anything.
Megan: I guess we can cut some sticky tape.
Charlie: I did- I did grease my gloves.
Glenn Howerton: I like this. Look at this.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Is this the thing now? A different thing.
Megan: You know what we can do either thing.
Glenn: I- I like the table. I like this.
Megan: Okay.
Rob: I kind of like it, yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, it's now you can kind of lean, sit. You can lean into it.
Megan: I've also got your headphones there for when we watch the episode.
Charlie: We can change if we want.
Megan: Yeah, we can go back to the other chairs. We still have them.
Charlie: [singing] We can do what we want.
Rob: We can do whatever we want. People don't like change. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the part of the podcast where Megan has to explain things three different times. One, because Charlie was singing, uh, while she was explaining it the first time.
Charlie: I want to sing.
Rob: Secondly, between the two of us right now. Then Glenn is going to walk in and she is going to explain it again.
Charlie: [singing] I want to sing and you listen to it.
Rob: Only if Glenn askes. If Glenn doesn't ask, Megan doesn't necessarily have to offer the information. We'll find out.
Charlie: [singing] When I sing you don't listen.
Megan: I'm glad you guys like the table.
Rob: I like it. It's a beautiful table. Oh, it's heavy. How'd you get this in here?
Charlie: We could play poker.
Megan: Um, three strong men and a dolly.
Rob: Yeah, that's right that's right, man.
Megan: I just paid some men. You can just pay men to do stuff for you.
Rob: You could just pay men. Men will do anything for money.
Charlie: You can always pay a man to lift.
Megan: You guys will always be useful for that, as long as you can lift stuff.
Charlie: Listen, you can't pay me to lift shit.
Megan: [laughs]
[music]
Megan: Good morning.
Charlie: [singing] Here he is.
Glenn: [singing] Mr. America.
Megan: So, today, I'd like to start 'cause I'm coming in hot today with some structure for this podcast.
Glenn: Shit, oh shit.
Rob: Well, we did- we did say that structure-- We would just do a bunch of episodes and then the structure would just sort of-
Megan: Emerge.
Rob: -emerge.
Glenn: Yeah, but I thought it was going to be-
Rob: More organic.
Glenn: -more organic. Okay, yeah. You're-- this- this- structure is going to be forced upon us?
Charlie: Could we get some structure as to how we get some structure?
[laughter]
Megan: Yeah, um, I was waiting for it to just emerge, but then I thought, maybe after 46 episodes I should, maybe, forcefully emerge it.
Rob: Yeah.
Megan: But, you guys can resist it then-
Rob: Okay.
Glenn: -and not do it if you don't like the structure.
Rob: We could, no but, it.
Megan: Yeah.
Rob: We can, no but.
Glenn: You mean this will be the structure moving forward?
Megan: Could be. I'm just going to pitch some structure to the podcast. So we have regular little segments.
Charlie: Sure.
Megan: But the first one is, just coming in hot. Which is, just, what you guy do naturally, anyways. Which is, just the first segment of the show would be who's coming in hot?
Charlie: We like it hot hot hot. That's a Buster Poindexter song. You know Buster Poindexter? He was a campfire song star.
Rob: Yeah, he was.
Charlie: [laughs] [whispers] Yeah, he was.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: I used to shoot [crosstalk] with him, and he'd always say--
Glenn: He was also the lead singer of the New York Dolls.
Charlie: He sure was. He would start every take with, "Let's shoot this Mother Fucker." I was like, that's good, I like that. I'm not going to use it, but, um.
Glenn: I'm not going to use it or ever do it, or say it, but.
Charlie: Or understand why you're saying it, but, lets-- I like it. I like it a lot.
Glenn: Yeah-yeah.
Rob: Well, I like that, Meg. I'm, uh, I'm coming in hot with a couple of things today, so.
Glenn: Yeah, what are you hot about?
Charlie: You feeling hot?
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: I'm- I'm- I'm feeling quite content in, sort of, a--
Rob: Well, I don't want to derail Mat- Megs attempt at structure right now, so I could- we could- we could js-js talk about what I'm hot hot about, or we could just go back to the--
Megan: No, that's part of the structure. It's comin' in hot.
Charlie: That's what she's sayin', man.
Glenn: That is the structure. It's who's comin' in the hottest? You know, we start with a high taker.
Megan: Go.
Charlie: Girl, what's that?
Rob: I saw another event. I think it's because of the heat, uh, in Las Angeles and, oh, really all over the world. And also because-- Well, I think, people are still coming out of the pandemic and don't know how to act around other human beings. And so everybody is acting like animals. I saw another event. Um, I was not involved. Of, um-- Although, I thought I might have to be. Uh, of- of--
Glenn: You were going to step in?
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: The hero complex.
Rob: Yea- Oh, yeah.
[crosstalk]
Glenn: Mr. Justice.
Megan: [laughs] I know.
Rob: Oh, and-and I even-- [laughs] I even was happy behind--
Charlie: [singing] Here comes Rob Justice.
[laughter]
Rob: It was eas--
Charlie: [singing] Don't have Justice do you.
Megan: Hey, Justice, you could spell that if that was your last name, Rob Justice.
Rob: Oh, you could change your name to Rob Justice. Which would be a much better name than Rob McElhenney.
Glenn: I like that, Rob Justice. I like that.
Rob: If you go out and ask 10 people if they can spell justice, I bet you 50% can get it right.
Glenn: Oh, God do you think that's it?
Rob: Walk around, bud. Have you been walking around recently?
Glenn: No, no, no I don't leave my house. I- I built sort of a structure that--
Charlie: That's not true. I saw you out and about just the other day.
.
Rob: There was a moment-
Charlie: So, what's up? What's up?
Rob: -which I was looking in my rear-view mirror.
Charlie: Oh, fuck.
Rob: And I came outside of myself and said-- And I was looking at it. And I was like, "Okay-
Charlie: Were you driving a Ford?
Rob: -windfall had jumped in?" It was we were-we were stopped.
Glenn: What is the situation?
Rob: And I was like, "Am I gonna get out and get jumped?"
Glenn: Right. Wha-what happened? Wow-wow.
Rob: It was insane. I'm driving along, uh, Sunset Boulevard and, um, I see this woman who's like right- she's a little ahead of me. She's in the right-hand lane.
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: I see her roll down her window. And she very clearly takes her hand and has-- is, like, full of detritus. I don't know exactly what it is.
Glenn: She just--
Charlie: Thank you for using that word.
Rob: She just throws it out the window, right.
Glenn: For those who don't know what detritus is--
Charlie: It is a very good word, yeah.
Rob: Trash.
Glenn: It's-it's a fancy word for trash.
Charlie: It's not just tra--
[crosstalk]
It's like the-- It's like knickknack trash. You know what I mean? It's-it's less so like trash if you think of like banana peels. And detritus is more like-like the loose stuff that's in like the-the, like, cup holder in your door side of your car.
Glenn: Yes.
Rob: Like where the screw goes to?
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Okay, that's the detritus.
Rob: Well, that’s what it looked like to me.
Charlie: It's like willy-nilly trash.
Rob: It happened so--
[laughter]
It happened so fast. It wasn't--
Glenn: The stuff is not big enough for a thrift store.
Rob: Yeah. Like you know, like, I-- Look--
Charlie: All right. So, you spied this detritus chucker--
Rob: Again, I'm not- I'm certainly not condoning it. But when you see somebody, like, flick a cigarette out of their car window which, of course, in fire season is always dangerous and disgusting anyway. But, at least you go, "I-I guess I understand nobody wants to have a-a-a cigarette butt in their car." Uh, but this woman-this woman, just, uh-- To Charlie's point, it looked like she just went down the side-- like that little side pocket and was just like-
Glenn: She's like, "You know what? I'm sick--
Rob: -you know what? I don't wanna [sighs]--
Charlie: "I'm sick of this being in there."
Glenn: "I'm sick of this being in the car."
Charlie: "Enough of this shit."
Glenn: "I need a place for my water bottle."
Rob: It looked like there was like bits of plastic.
Glenn: Sure.
Rob: It was just a bunch. That's why I used the word detritus.
Charlie: Mm.
Rob: It was just like a bunch of shit.
Charlie: Mm.
Megan: And she didn't look first to make sure you weren't around before she threw this out her car?
Rob: If she knew Rob Justice was around she wouldn't.
[laughter]
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Oh, yeah.
Rob: She would think twice.
Charlie: [humming]
Glenn: That's why-- Well, that's why-that's why you need to start a garner reputation throughout the city, because then people will be aware that if they throw a detritus out the window Rob Justice might be there.
Charlie: Get a bumper sticker saying, "I stop for detritus."
Glenn: Yeah. You need that.
[laughter]
Yeah, that's right. A-a-and it's like-it's like the beginning of the-of the Michael Keaton Batman-- the first, uh, Tim Burton Batman, you know.
Charlie: How is this like--
Glenn: He's like, "Tell your friends about me."
Charlie: Oh, tell your friends about me.
Glenn: Well, he said-- 'cause he's like holding the guy.
Rob: I am saying it to you.
Glenn: "Tell your friends about me." Doesn't it say that?
Charlie: So, you--
Glenn: Anyway-- Okay, sorry.
[crosstalk]
What kind of car?
Rob: So, um--
Glenn: What kind of a car are we talking about here?
Charlie: It could have been a crime too. It could be like evidence she's trying to get rid of. But-
Rob: No, it was-it was a nice car.
Charlie: -it could be shredded documents.
Rob: It was a nice car. And I spotted this. It was a white BMW. So, if any-- So, there's a lady driving out on-
Megan: Mm-hm.
Rob: -Sunset Boulevard in a white BMW.
Glenn: Wha-what year are we talking? Like, it's a new one or--
Rob: It was a ni-- It was a nice car.
Glenn: It was a nice car.
Charlie: Okay, so, this is--
Rob: And, of course, whenever I see people throwing things out the window, I'm always fascinated.
Glenn: Oh yeah.
Rob: I-I-I actually don't feel-
Glenn: This is why I'm asking.
Rob: -much anger. Like, it's more fascination.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: I don't get it. I reckoned like that woman lives ostensibly in the city. I mean, she do- she most likely lives in the neighborhood that she just threw her shit.
Charlie: Yeah. Like, if it's a crappy car, you already don't like it. But at least you think, "Man, maybe their life circumstances are so bad. They just can't take it anymore and they're like--
Glenn: Yeah, they're just like, "The world fucked me. So, fuck the world.”
Rob: Right. A-a-and I have compassion. Like, it's still-- I don't, uh, you can't excuse the behavior, but you have compassion for that. You say people just go, "I don't give a shit."
Glenn: Or I think- I think--
Rob: "The world fucks me over and over and over again. I just don't care."
Glenn: I think a key element to Rob Justice is compassion. I think-I think without compassion Rob Justice is just Rob Fury.
Charlie: No.
Glenn: Rob Vengeance.
Charlie: Rob Fury is a different guy.
Glenn: Rob Fury is a different guy.
Charlie: Rob Vengeance, no.
Glenn: No.
Charlie: This is Rob Justice. So, uh, you're mad at this eli-elitist-
Rob: No.
Charlie: -detritus chucker?
Rob: No.
Charlie: You're fascinated?
Rob: No-no. I-I don't even have a-- I don't even have a split second to be upset.
Glenn: Oh. Because?
Rob: Because what happens is what I hear is [screams]. Like, someone, like, fucking slams on the brakes. And then I look, like, out of the corner of my eye and the mirror, I see a Jeep that's behind her that, like, swerves, right, and-and then honks on his horn. And then I look back and this guy's in a dead stop. And then there's cars behind him. And I thought I heard, like, "Did somebody, like, slam into the back of him?" But I don't think that that's what happened, because then we're continuing on. And then I realized, like, uh, if I-I-I pieced it together that whatever she threw out, he swerved to miss, because--
Glenn: You were like this in your rearview mirror?
Rob: Y-y-yeah. Like, it's all happening very fast. But she speeds up.
Charlie: What color was the Jeep?
Rob: Now, she's-she's ahead of me. Like brown-- tannish brown.
Charlie: Mm.
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: I'm just trying to get a full picture here. I was thinking, like, it was a white Jeep. And then you're like the-the detritus is gonna really show on my car if it hits it, you know. But it's already a brown Jeep.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: So, I've moved to get out of the way.
Glenn: It's also a Jeep.
Charlie: Yeah, right.
Glenn: It's a Jeep.
Charlie: You plow, right, through the detritus. It's like-- Yeah--
Rob: [laughs]
Glenn: And, so, what's the point of having a Jeep?
Rob: Yeah-yeah.
Glenn: The fact that he swerved it all is absurd. I need to have a conversation with him about why he owned a Jeep.
Rob: Well, my guess is, uh, based on how quickly it happened, uh, he might just not know what was happening. There was just like a bunch of things--
Charlie: Are we talking about a Wrangler, like, top down?
Rob: Okay, a Jeep Wran- a Jeep Wrangler, yes.
Charlie: Okay. So--
Rob: And I-I-I learned very quickly that the top was down. The windows were down. Everything was down.
Glenn: Oh.
Charlie: Okay, so that detritus could be getting in and hitting this guy.
Glenn: Talking about airborne detritus.
Rob: So--
Charlie: Oh, yeah [laughs].
Rob: Then I- Then we [laughs] right--
Charlie: What was the height this was thrown out? Was it a low chuck or was it tossed through the window?
Rob: It was in the wind. Like--
Charlie: Is it gonna drift over the top of that Wrangler?
Rob: It was even weirder.
Charlie: [laughs]
Rob: Because when I saw, like-- And this leads me to believe that maybe there was food involved, because she threw it out. And then as--
Glenn: Oh.
Charlie: Oh, yeah.
Rob: She was, uh-- And I was watching this like, "I can't believe that that just happened." I watched her come in. And she was-- And she rolled up the win-- The window was going up-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: -on one side. So, maybe-maybe it was on her right side that she could put the window up. And I watched her do like this. Like, she was wiping her hands off. Like--
Glenn: Oh.
Rob: "Like, get that out of my car."
Glenn: Greasy French fries.
Charlie: Yeah-yeah. Or, uh, like a peanut. And this Wrangler guy could have an allergy.
[laughter]
Charlie: So, this is a life-and-death situation.
Glenn: Right. He's--
Charlie: Okay.
Glenn: He's swerving. A peanut hits him in the face.
Charlie: Yeah-yeah. He's just fighting for his life.
Glenn: Yeah, that's right.
Charlie: I'm assuming it's a he. I don't know why.
Rob: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: Brown Wrangler.
Rob: It's most definitely a he. So, then like we-we wind up stopping in traffic. And then this car just peels out. The Jeep peels, 'cause, now he was at a dead stop. He peels towards us. And I'm like, "Oh, man, this is gonna-- But there's a part of me that's thinking, "Oh, great. I don't-- This woman--
Glenn: Here comes Justice.
Rob: This woman is about to get some justice. But I don't know what he's gonna do. So, he put--
Glenn: We are all Rob Justice type situation.
Rob: No. Well, this would be-
Glenn: You know what I mean? Like--
Rob: -Guy Fury.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Oh, this is Guy Fury?
Charlie: Guy Fury.
Rob: This is Guy Fury. And he- I look over--
Charlie: He's got a Wrangler.
Rob: He's got a shaved head. And I'm like, "Okay, already someone with a shave. He's consciously making a-a choice to shave his head."
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: It could be that he's an actor playing a part. It could be that he has cancer. It could be that he's just going bald. Or it could be that this is a choice he-he wants to look a certain way.
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: He could see hair as detritus and just feel like he's got--
Rob: Get to get all the detritus out of my ass.
Charlie: Yeah-yeah, get the detritus off my head.
Rob: And he gets really up close to her and just lays on the horn. Now, I'm next to her. And she's just, like, dead. Like, just hands-on the 11 and 2. Just staring forward.
Glenn: What age?
Rob: Can I guess? Yeah, [sniffs]--
Glenn: 50s?
Charlie: Yeah, I'm picturing 50s, 60s.
Rob: Yeah, early-early 50s.
Glenn: I feel like a person in their 20s. In this day and age for the most part it's like, "Uh, you can't do that." But it's, like, once you hit a certain age, I feel like, you know, you're either the type of person who has bettered themselves-
Charlie: Or--
Glenn: -or you're the type of person who's like, "This is my world."
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: Or you suffered a lifetime of petty miseries and you just, you know--
Glenn: Well, but the petty miseries are-are at a certain point, you're at fault. If you're driving around like a BMW-
Charlie: Quite upset.
Glenn: -and you're do-- You know what I mean?
Charlie: You got a BMW, man.
Rob: Not to suggest--
Charlie: It should be good.
Rob: Yeah.
[laughter]
Not to suggest that she-she doesn't have her fair amount of pain. However, it's-it's privileged pain.
Glenn: Yeah, it's right-right which is a different kind of pain.
Rob: But she’s still--
Charlie: Uh, we assume.
Rob: We still do. Yes. Me-meaning, there's--
Charlie: It could be a stolen BMW.
Rob: A stolen car. Or maybe she was like, "Let me throw this fucking detritus."
Charlie: We don't know. It's really hard to pick--
[crosstalk]
Rob: Well, she was going somewhere at what? 8:30 in the morning. She was coming from the west side.
Glenn: Sure.
Rob: There's only so many places you can-- You're either living in Malibu or the Pacific Palisades or Brentwood or Santa Monica-
Glenn: Right.
Rob: -you're doing okay. Now that does that mean that you don't- you're not unhappy? That you don't have pain in your life? No. Of course, not. But--
Charlie: There's no excuse for the throwing the trash out the window. So, what-what--
Rob: Okay. So--
Megan: Wait, you're next to her.
Rob: I'm next to--
Megan: And then the Jeep is behind her.
Rob: Behind her.
Megan: Okay.
Rob: And he's just, like, laying on the horn, right. And he's, like, yelling at her. But she's pretending not to notice. And I'm like, "Okay, like, take- let's get out the popcorn, 'cause now I'm gonna see what's happening." Then-
Glenn: I love the idea of pretending not to notice.
Rob: -Oh, b-but worst case, what else would you do in that situation? Because guy- the guy, Well, is she stuck in traffic? She-- The guy could get out of the car.
Glenn: Yeah, that's right.
Rob: So then t-t-the light goes green and we pull up. And I see he's trying to get behind me or next to me just to get next to her.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: So, uh, And this is-- Now, we're in stop dead traffic. It's on Sunset at rush hour. So, eventually, we come to another red and he gets right up next to her. And he, like, pulls up next to her. And he honks on the horn, honks on the horn. And he's like, "Roll down your window. Roll down your window." She's not rolling down her window. He spits onto her car. Spits onto the car. And now I'm like-
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: "Oh, shit.
Glenn: How did he launch his spit that far? Like, was he--
Charlie: Yeah, so, over the passenger seat onto the Jeep?
Glenn: Oh, did he go over the passenger seat? Or was he on her left?
Rob: Remember the Jeep was wide open. So, I don't know if it went-
Glenn: No, you're right.
Rob: -if it went over the roll bar or through the roll bar.
Glenn: Oh.
Rob: I just saw him make a very clear spitting motion.
Charlie: So, this guy's a good spitter?
Rob: [laughs]
Megan: Spit is like liquid detritus, right?
Charlie: That's it.
Rob: Liquid detritus. He's--
Charlie: It's a detritus of the body.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: And if you've got your top-- If, uh, comple- if you're completely topless car-wise-
Rob: Yeah-
Glenn: -you know-
Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: -you can-you can launch it like a mortar.
Rob: Yeah. I don't- I'm not sure if the expectorate actually hit the window or not.
Charlie: Expectorate.
[laughter]
Rob: I'm not sure if it actually--
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: If it actually made contact. But, uh, who knows.
Charlie: He's already pretty aerodynamic on account of his shaved head.
Rob: Of his shaved head, yeah.
Charlie: So, like, it's just like a cannon here.
Rob: Yeah, he's ready.
Megan: Maybe his hair blew off 'cause he was driving around in a Jeep.
Charlie: Oh, yeah-yeah.
[laughter]
Rob: But, again, maybe he has cancer and he's-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -on his way to get his chemotherapy. And he had mucus in his lungs.
Glenn: Sure.
Rob: I don't. Who knows? And he needed to-he needed to work that out.
Glenn: Right.
Megan: These are all the things that Rob Justice is weighing up in his head.
Rob: Absolutely.
Charlie: Right now, you're just enjoying a great show.
Rob: He's got scales on his head and his brain--
Charlie: Traffic sucks as it is. And it's pretty interesting. That you're like-
Rob: Yes.
Charlie: -there's something interesting about it."
Rob: But I'm also thinking, uh, I'm also thinking, "At this point, now, has-has the scale- have the scales of justice flipped?"
[laughter]
Charlie: At what point do you need to engage? Is what you're wondering?
Rob: Which- when do I get to get involved?
Charlie: Yeah. When did this, uh, when did this become about you?
Rob: Well, now, I'm getting jealous. Now, I feel jealous. I'm like, "Why do I-why do I only get to watch this? Why can't I be a part of it?
Glenn: Yeah-yeah.
Charlie: For sure.
Rob: Right? So, how can I insert myself into this to raise it from an eight to, like, an 11?
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Sure.
Rob: Like, let's just--
Charlie: Where's the-where's the showmanship here?
Rob: Where's the opportunity to really escalate this-
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: -into a dangerous situation?
Glenn: Right.
Rob: So, um--
Glenn: So that you can feel something?
Rob: So that I can feel as though I'm important.
Glenn: Right.
Rob: So I can make this about-
Glenn: [laughs]
Rob: -and not his spit or her detritus.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Megan: You still have the metal baseball bats in the back of your car-
Rob: No. I-I--
Megan: -from the [crosstalk] out incident?
Rob: There was a-there was a thought.
[laughter]
There was a bat--
Glenn: Double bats.
[laughter]
I love the double.
Charlie: Who did you bash, right? That's the question? It's like--
Glenn: Or you bashed them both?
Charlie: I know it's your best summer with this bat.
[laughter]
Glenn: Like [shushes]
Charlie: Rob Justice.
Glenn: Uh, because of the Jeep end.
Rob: There are no winners in this. Only losers.
Glenn: That's right.
Charlie: Yeah. So, you might as well bash a couple loser nerds.
Rob: Yeah.
[laughter]
Glenn: Trash throwing and spit tossing-
Charlie: Trash throwing and spit chucking.
Glenn: -nerds.
Rob: So, I'm not sure if this guy's gonna get out of his car. Like, she's terrified now. And now I'm thinking, "Well, y-y-yes, she deserves to be admonished and but not- certainly not, like, uh, physically harmed in any way." But I don't know that he-- Now, I'm noticing he's got a seatbelt on. So, he's-he's safe, which is good. But I'm thinking once that's seatbelt comes off-
Megan: Mm-hmm.
Rob: -he's gonna get out of that car. And we're just stopped in dead traffic. And I'm just watching, watching, watching. And then luckily the light turns green and she just makes a right turn and just gets off the street. And I'm thinking, "He's either gonna follow her, or he is gonna keep going down Sunset." And he kept going down Sunset-
Megan: Did he?
Rob: -screaming at himself the entire way. And then he, like, you know when you're, like, upset and you-- He just wanted to drive fast. He, like, found a turn lane in the middle of the road and just, like, zoomed down Sunset, uh, for no particular reason other than his rage.
Megan: Now, if he had turned after her, would you have-
Rob: Yes.
Megan: -had to go--
Charlie: Pursue?
Rob: I-I definitely would have, because he-he looked like he was gonna kill her.
Charlie: Well, this-this lady, you know, threw her detritus on the wrong- on the wrong Jeep Wrangler.
Rob: Yes.
Charlie: And, uh-- And-and perhaps-perhaps will think twice-
Rob: I know.
Charlie: -that's not--
Rob: That's the fucked up thing about human beings. It's that you wanna believe that [sighs] that people wouldn't do that in the first place. Right? But she did it. And, now, the next time she goes down to that side pocket and p-p-picks up a bag of Vaseline a-a-and, uh, dog hair and pretzels-
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Rob: -she won't throw it out, because she'll go, "You know what? There might be some psychopath behind me who might spit on my window."
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Isn't that interesting? I mean, that's-that's, uh, you know, as we- as we struggle with the, you know, struggle with how to discipline our-our children when they do something wrong, you know. In an ideal world, you want that woman to think, "I'm not gonna throw this detritus out the window, because it's the wrong thing to do. It's bad for the environment. I should just wait, find a trash can or maybe even recycle some of these components." Uh, and, uh, you know, you-you want that to be her reason. Not, like, the fear of, like, some psycho in a Jeep Wrangler beating her ass. But, sometimes--
Rob: Well, na-natural consequences are a real thing. That's-that's the thing with, like, parenting. Right? Y-you don't wanna- you don't wanna give punishment out. You want to-- But you do wanna instill natural consequences for behavior.
Glenn: But, sometimes there aren't any.
Rob: I know. But that is there- it's in this circumstance the natural consequence that somebody, either like a cop might see you and write you a ticket which when you all know is never gonna happen, or someone might come and bash you up. I mean, I don't know.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: Who knows? We can't- we can't, uh, you're getting into a perception and reality here. As far as we know, these two are lovers. Right?
[laughter]
This is some sick dance that they do.
Rob: This is--
Charlie: You know, it's like- it's like I drive--
Glenn: Well, I will drive. This is- this is--
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: This is street-
Charlie: Yeah. She goes-- She takes a ride.
Glenn: -theater.
Charlie: He goes straight. They meet around the corner at the back of their apartment and they have crazy sex.
Megan: [laughs]
Charlie: You know, they're like, "That was great. The whole street thing."
Rob: He was speeding off to do an end around to the apartment that they were gonna-
Charlie: Yes.
Rob: -go meet at?
Charlie: Yes.
Glenn: That's Right.
Charlie: This is like their-
Rob: That's hot.
Charlie: -weird sick dance, man.
Glenn: That is hot, yeah. 'cause he--
Charlie: It's the only way that they can attempt-
Glenn: Get off.
Charlie: -to reproduce.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: And this is what they just are desperate to have a child. Nothing's working. And they're like, "Maybe if we--
Glenn: Maybe if I'm furious enough--
Charlie: -have some trash spit or--
Glenn: Or maybe if you're--
Charlie: You know.
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: Everything--
Glenn: Maybe if you seem privileged enough and I'm- I seem sort of low class and--
Charlie: Yes-yes.
Rob: Yeah, that's hot.
[laughter]
That's pretty hot.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: That's pretty hot.
Charlie: Anyway, speaking of revenge, this episode--
Megan: Yeah.
Glenn: Oh gosh.
Megan: There you go.
Glenn: Great. Are we talking about an episode today?
Charlie: Rob, that was a good story. Thanks for bringing it in.
Megan: Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Rob: I came in hot.
Glenn: You sure did.
Megan: Coming in hot with that. Um, this leads right into my next possible structure idea, which is that people have been keep asking for us to do little, like, recaps of what the episode is about, um, at the start so we know which one we're talking about.
Glenn: Mm, yeah.
Glenn: So, um, this segment is called That is What Happened, and it's just where I give a short thing about like, uh, what episode we're about to watch. Season 04 Episode 08, Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia. It aired on October 16th, 2008. Written by Scott Marder, and Rob Rosell and David Hornsby. Directed by Matt Shakman. In this episode, a newspaper reporter gives Paddy's pub a terrible review, so the gang kidnaps him in order to smooth things over.
Glenn: As one does.
Rob: That is what happened.
Charlie: That is what happened.
Rob: It's what happened.
Glenn: That is what happened. Yeah. I have not seen this episode in ages.
Rob: There's no recollection.
Megan: Okay.
Rob: I know he gets tied to a chair.
Charlie Yeah, I remember very little.
Glenn: You know what, it's not such a big deal with short hair, but headphones on and off once the hair's longer--
Charlie: Well, yeah, yeah, [crosstalk] a thing.
Glenn: You know, it's either on or it's off. I don't know if we're gonna be able to-
Charlie: Yeah, man.
Glenn: I don't know if this is sustainable once my hair grows out.
Charlie: Once your hair grows out, I'm just-
Megan: What if you wear them under-underneath?
Rob: What if you-- yeah, what if you wear-- or put them back there?
Charlie: Yeah, then you do that or you go-
Glenn: Something like that? Yeah.
Charlie: You go like this, you know?
Charlie: Right.
[laughter]
Charlie: The hair-
[laughter]
Megan: It's cool. Yeah, that's cool. That works. That works.
Charlie Protect the hair at all costs.
Glenn: Yeah, exactly.
Megan: Okay, here we go.
Glenn: Whoa, it's just-
Rob: 4:42.
Glenn: 4:42. Yeah.
Megan: Oh, it's incredibly fancy.
Rob: Well, fancy as hell.
Charlie: Yeah, it's thin, sure, but that said, I don't get-
Glenn: Wait. Actually, can we pause? I wonder if we did-- I-I wonder if we did 4:42 'cause that's-- that's the time, uh, that I was born on my birth certificate. I wonder if that had something to-- I mean, that can't be a coincidence, right?
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: It's literally when I was born.
[laughter]
Charlie: Was it the same day of the week?
Glenn: No, no, no, I'm just saying it was- it was at 4:42. No, whatever.
Megan: [laughs] I was actually born at 4:20 on my, uh, on my birth certificate.
Glenn: Oh, shit, bro.
Charlie: Shit, bro.
Glenn: That's fucking cool, man.
Charlie: Well, it's just so dog gone thin.
Megan: Oh, it's incredibly thin.
Charlie: Yeah, it's thin, sure, but I gotta say, I don't care for it.
Rob: Charlie, the thinner the TV, the better the TV. That's straight-up facts.
Charlie: Guys, guys, guys, check it out. All right, look. Already we're discussing the thinness of TVs as if it's kind of an- a- like a-
Glenn: A new thing.
Charlie: -a new thing.
Rob: It was a new thing. That was new.
Charlie: It was a new thing.
Megan: Was this a DirecTV ad that you guys placed in? 'Cause it says-
Charlie: No.
Megan: -DirecTV on the-
Glenn: It sure does, don't know what that-
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: Yeah, sure, but, uh--
Megan: Yeah, very prominently. I didn't know if it was like a tie in or something you were doing this?
Glenn: It may have been that-
Charlie: It could be they-
Rob: May have been around the time that Fox bought DirecTV.
Charlie: You think they're sneaking that in on us?
Rob: I believe Mr. Mr. Mr. Murdoch bought a- bought DirecTV and they might have snuck that in, I don't know.
Glenn: Yeah, for the listener and creep, um, whenever you see a product on our show, uh, it's either because we got away with it or we're not getting paid, but the network-
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: -is getting paid.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: So, just so we're clear, we're not getting paid by DirecTV.
Charlie: No.
Megan: [scoffs] No, sellouts.
Charlie: Okay.
Glenn: But we are getting paid by the network and studio, and they- the more money the show makes, the more money they're willing to pay us. Well, that's not even true.
Rob: No.
Charlie: It's the more money that we are willing to negotiate for and threaten to quit. I'm sure that we've done-
Glenn: And threaten to quit over.
Rob: -well, I don't know, 1,000 times?
Charlie: Yeah.
[laughter]
Rob: All right, okay.
Mac: Guys, guys, check it out. We got a review in the paper.
Dennis: No way. Read it, read it, read it, read it.
Charlie: Is that a review?
Mac: The first thing I noticed about Paddy's Pub is its charm.
Charlie: All right, it's good.
Dee: Yeah, yeah.
Dennis: All right, yeah. All right.
Rob: It has none.
Dennis: It has none.
Charlie: Oh-oh. Are you serious?
Mac: There was an ominous feeling that you could get stabbed at any moment. That's good, right?
Dennis: How was that good?
Mac: That's the exact type of atmosphere I've been trying to cultivate, but while danger may linger-
Glenn: [scoffs] Cultivate.
Mac: -I'm the level-headed bouncer that keeps violence in check, like Swayze in Roadhouse.
Rob: We added a-
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Charlie: We had a debate about whether or not to add that swoosh.
Rob: That seems like something Glenn would want.
Megan: Oh, there's a swoosh?
Glenn: That I would want? There is a swoosh.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Um, I think we were all pretty much on the same page about that.
Rob: What? Where are we?
Glenn: I think we all kind of agreed, it's a little over the top, but it made us all laugh.
Rob: Not just a little.
Charlie: Keeps violence in check, like Swayze in Roadhouse.
Meg: [laughs] It's little. Oh, yeah.
Rob: Or did you think that my-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -my movement actually made that sound?
Megan: No, I just didn't-- I didn't focus on that.
[laughter]
Charlie: I think we've debated more the volume of it. We're like, "It's fun to have a thing in there, but how loud or present-
Glenn: Right, how loud should it be?
Charlie: -should it be?
Megan: Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse?
Rob: Yes.
Megan: RIP, Patrick Swayze.
Rob: RIP. Too young.
Megan: I've never seen Roadhouse. Is that like a favorite movie of you guys?
Glenn: Yeah, it's fantastic. It's terrific.
Rob: You need to remedy that in studio, I think.
Glenn: I think, uh, in-studio viewing of Roadhouse would be absolutely phenomenal.
Rob: 100%.
Glenn: I would be all in on that, man. I love that movie, and I haven't seen it in a long time.
Charlie: I have not seen that in-
Rob: It's so good.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: 20, 30 years, I don't know.
Glenn: Yeah. [laughs] Yeah.
Megan: It comes back again on this episode, yeah.
Glenn: I just remember there be- there's only that there- there's like a band- whenever the band plays, they're like, behind a cage.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Or they're like, behind a cage.
Rob: Well, because they play in the-
Glenn: And the guy's blind, right?
Rob: Yeah, yeah, Jeff Healey. That's a real band, the Jeff Healey Band.
Glenn: Jeff Healey, oh, right, Jeff, yeah. Right, yeah.
Rob: How do I talk to an angel?
Charlie: And does he play behind a cage, usually?
Rob: [laughs] Not in real life, I don't think.
Glenn: He can't see when people are throwing fish at him.
Charlie: We shouldn't cage the blind anymore. I don't think it's- I just don't think it's right.
Rob: [laughs] Times have changed. You know we used to--
Glenn: No, think about- think you- I mean, like, usually, you can hock a, yeah, beer bottle on stage if you don't like an act.
Charlie: Right. But if you're blind you can't.
Glenn: And they can dodge it.
Charlie: Yeah, you can dodge it.
Glenn: That's right. So you gotta have the cage.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: Jeff. I-I think Jeff, uh, Jeff has passed as well.
Glenn: Did Jeff pass?
Rob: I think so.
Glenn: All right. Well, RIP Jeff.
Rob: RIP Jeff.
Dee: In check, there'd have been many stabbings in here.
Dennis: Yeah. I feel unsafe here every single day.
Dee: Very often.
Charlie: Well, stabbings have been down though.
[laughter]
Glenn: [laughs] Stabbings have been down.
Mac: ''When I ordered a glass of wine, not only did the surly white trash waitress refuse to make it, but she proceeded to call me a word that I cannot print in this paper.''
Dee: Surly?
Mac: ''I was forced to listen to the three classless boars who call themselves the owners get drunk and yell over each other all night.
Glenn: Okay, wait.
Rob: Well, this is just us commenting on the show.
[laughter]
Glenn: This is basically us-us commenting on all the criticisms of the show.
Rob: Yeah. It may have been when we took- we took a review.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: And just changed-
Charlie: I don't think so. Do you think we did?
Rob: -a couple of things here and there. No.
Glenn: I think- I think the-the-the sentiment-- We knew the sentiment existed out there in the world. I don't know how. Because we didn't have social media at the time. So we weren't looking at comments and stuff, but there were comments on like on IMDB. You could go to our IMDB page, remember? And you could look at that shit.
Rob: They weren't wrong. I mean--
Glenn: No. It is often that.
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Oh, totally. Yelling over each other is--
Glenn: It's just a matter of whether you like that or not.
Charlie: I find it very entertaining. Yeah. That's my- That's my style every day.
Glenn: I think it's very charming.
[music]
Glenn: Okay. This one goes out to you Fantasy Football fans, but not just any of you. I'm talking to the nerds. You know who you are.
Charlie: You who has this podcast on in the background as you sift through 30 tabs of research for your last-minute draft.
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Glenn: Basically, you can use your money to buy more money.
Charlie: Buy money these days? That's great.
Rob: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now and use promo code ALWAYS to get $200 in free bets instantly when you place a $5 bet on any football game.
Charlie: That's code ALWAYS only at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.
Glenn: That's ALWAYS. A-L-W-A-Y-S. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details.
[music]
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Glenn: We all know that being shaved and smooth is vital to peak confidence.
Charlie: Uh, there's a certain confidence that comes with being properly groomed down in your, uh, Netherlands. It's an aura. It's a- It's a vibe.
Glenn: It's science.
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Glenn: And remember, when you trim the hedges, the tree stands taller.
[music]
Glenn: Fisher Stevens.
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Hi, are you Mr. Lyle Corman?
Lyle Corman: Yes. Can I help you?
Dee: Oh, nice to meet you.
Dennis: Yeah.
Dee: We're here from Patty's Pub-
Glenn: Yes.
Dee: -and we have come down to give you the opportunity.
Rob: Okay. Hold on. So do-- Uh-Uh, we talked about Matt a little bit but, uh, this is directed by Matt Shakman. Matt Shakman is one of the biggest directors in Hollywood right now.
Charlie: We've talked about Matt a lot.
Glenn: Oh, I know. It's crazy.
Rob: Yes, but he-he signed on to do Fantastic Four. He might be directing the-the Fantastic F-Four movie. But I think he may have even dropped out-
Glenn: He did.
Rob: -of that to do a bigger movie.
Glenn: No, no. He dropped out of Star Trek.
Rob: Oh, he--
Glenn: He was signed on to do that Star Trek and he had to drop out because it-it conflicted with Fab-- Fantastic Four. [chuckles] I almost said Fabulous Four.
Rob: Well, we- well, we should.
Glenn: The Fabulous Four would be--
Rob: We should po-- We should potentially do a movie called the Fabulous Four.
Glenn: Fabulous Four.
Charlie: By the way, Fisher Stevens who-who, uh, is not only a great actor. He's been around a long time, but a great producer as well.
Glenn: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Charlie: Uh, he produced many-
Glenn: Yeah, docs. Great docs.
Charlie: -amazing movies. His docs, features. Um, is that--?
Megan: He’s in Succession?
Charlie: He's on Succession.
Glenn: Yeah, that's true. Yep.
Charlie: I think he's great on Succession. And I remember thinking it was like a big deal that he wanted to do the show. Like, did we--? He certainly did an audition for it. We must have just reached out like s--
Rob: Uh, no. I think Wendy came to us and said, Fisher had come in for something else. And that he mentioned that he was a fan of Sunny.
Glenn: Oh. Is that what it was? Yeah, and we liked-and we liked him-
Rob: Yeah we liked him--
Glenn: -and we thought--
Charlie: I was psyched we got him-
Glenn: Oh my God, me too.
Charlie: -'cause I've always-I've always been a fan.
Rob: It was great.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah same.
Dennis: You know what buddy? We will jam your asshole up with so many lawyers, you won't know what to do with yourself.
Mr. Corman: I'll have you know we have a team of lawyers on retainer just to deal with people like you.
Charlie: Really?
Mr. Corman: Yeah.
Charlie: Well check this out, you're all outta time bitch.
Dee: Boom.
Dennis: You just got phased.
Dee: This just in poo-poo pants. People don't read newspapers anymore.
Dennis: [spits] how that's for plus?
Glenn: Pause.
Rob: There you go, okay?
Glenn: Poo-poo pants. This just in poo-poo pants.
Rob: Poo pants and no this is the second time that we've talked on this podcast or seen, um, someone deal with a situation by spitting.
Glenn: Yes.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: We're just dealing with animals-
Meg: Mm-hmm,
Rob: - we at- people are animals.
Glenn: It is uh, one of the ultimate signs of disrespect, isn't it?
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: To spit in someone's food or their coffee or in their face or on their BMW.
Rob: Yep, yep.
Charlie: Mm-hmm-mm-hmm. And by the way, kind of crazy to think that people aren't animals.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Right, 'cause they are.
Charlie: Yeah I think we're-we're all.
Glenn: That's true. We're fighting it all the time, right?
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Where we're- when we don't spit, we're containing it.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're keeping it.
Glenn: We should be lauded for not spitting more often.
Charlie: Yeah, in fact, very few animals spit. Um, camels, you know?
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah, those are some of the nasty sons of bitches.
Charlie: Camels, just fucking spitting motherfuckers.
[laughter]
Rob: Fucking-fucking camels. And another thing about camels-
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: -what's with the water?
Charlie: Don't get me started on the camels.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Well, you know.
Glenn: How do they get the water in that hump? You know what I mean? All right let's go--
Charlie: How do they get all that milk in there?
[laughter]
Meg: It's like less than 20 seconds from you saying we're not white trash to breaking his clocks-
Glenn: That's right.
Meg: -spitting in his coffee cup but--
Glenn: You timed it?
[laughter]
Meg: It's like, that's so funny.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah that's the joke.
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: That's the joke.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: All right you guys wanna see something?
Dennis: What?
Charlie: I did something. [car trunk opening]
Dennis: Holy shit-
Rob: Yeah it was Reservoir Dogs.
Dennis: Holly shit. Yeah absolutely.
Charlie: Yeah.
Dee: Woah you kidnapped Corman?
Charlie: I don't really know what happened, okay? First I was angry, then I was drinking, next thing I know I'm following this guy home and forcing him into the trunk of his own car.
Mac: Jesus Christ, this is bad, really bad.
Dennis: Don't panic, don't panic. We're really sorry about this Mr. Corman-
Dee: Watch your head.
Dennis: -we're gonna-we're gonna.
Mac: You will be okay, it's not a kidnapping, so.
Dee: Oh God.
Meg: It's not a kinda [laughs]
Glenn: I- will you just so-so- I-I'm sure people have noticed this before, but that curb is just so-
Rob: It's so high.
Glenn: -so absurdly high.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: We’ve talked about it.
Glenn: It's a wonder they haven't, somebody hasn't sued the city over that. People have sued the city over way dumber shit-
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: -than that, which is actually very dangerous.
Rob: Yeah, yeah. You see us like Danny come-- I mean, we need to get him a step stool to get up on that, that fucking thing.
Glenn: Yeah I know he--
Charlie: And chopper him in and out of the--
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah-
Meg: Is the curb high-
Glenn: -carrying 'em like a wrecking ball.
Meg: -or is the street low?
Rob: Is the street low? It's a good question because uh, I think maybe it's a combo low of-of both, it's a- it's a very strange--
Charlie: You figure it out on most streets though, you know what I mean? They figured out how to not have the curb be too high.
Glenn: I mean, that's ridiculous. I've never seen that- anything like that anywhere else other than here.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah.
Meg: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah. Well, that's part of the charm. The uniqueness of the-
Glenn: It is isn't it?
Charlie: -of the show.
Glenn: Yeah.
Mac: Okay, I think we're on the same page, this is not a kidnapping.
Dee: Noo.
Mac: No, okay. All right, well we do need to keep him here for a couple of hours so he doesn't do anything rational--
Dee: We're just borrowing him.
Mac: Go to the police, okay.
Dennis: That being said, and let's take a few precautions- We are just following him-- We need to cover our tracks. And you know, why don't we shoot over to Corman's place and make sure that Charlie left without a trace?
Charlie: Well, I'll tell you Mr. Fancy Pants writer-man, [laughs] I was thinking maybe you can write a new review.
Glenn: Kathy Bates.
Charlie: You know and this time [laughs] Mr. man, maybe add a few less lies.
Mr. Corman: How can I write a new review if I am taped to a chair?
Charlie: Come on man, see he's twisting everything I say around, he's making me look like an asshole.
Mac: Okay, look, look, nobody has to write anything against their will, okay?
Mr. Corman: Thank you. I have to go to the bathroom.
Charlie: Huh?
Mr. Corman: I have to pee.
Mac: Okay, sidebar.
Charlie: I don't- I don't really remember any of this episode.
Rob: I don't remember this episode at all.
Charlie: Yeah, little pieces, but--
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: I remember, uh, friends of Corman which is about to come up right here, remember that?
Glenn: Oh when the neighbor comes in?
Rob: Yeah when neighbor comes in.
Charlie: I don't remember that.
Rob: Friends of Corman.
Glenn: Yeah, right, right, right.
Charlie: Right, right I remember something like that.
Glenn: Yeah that was funny.
Dennis: That did not sound like Corman.
Dee: Mm-mm.
Corman’s Neighbor: Who are you people?
Dee: Friends with Corman.
Dennis: Yeah- yeah.
Corman’s Neighbor: Mr. Corman lives across the hall.
Dennis: Oh, does he?
Dee: Does he?
[laughter]
Charlie: Where is he? This is ridiculous-- I don't remember that at all. So you guys got the wrong apartment?
Rob: Yeah, we got the wrong apartment.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Now the roommate now there's two, now there's two kidnapped parties.
Glenn: That's right yeah.
Charlie: Okay.
Glenn: Well we don't know that yet but yeah, yeah.
Meg: It's called uh,-
Glenn: You can see the writing on the wall.
Meg: -escalation.
Glenn: Yes.
Meg: Yeah, mm-hmm.
Glenn: Classic escalation.
Mac: Now back to the cooler conversation that we were having earlier, I feel like, in your article, you missed an opportunity to mention my bouncing abilities. Okay, now it's really more about smarts than anything else, for example, if there was an altercation in this bathroom, I would blast in, looking to neutralize yeah? Now I would check out my environment. And I would look to see if there's anything that I could use to my advantage like this pool cue. Here we go [whooses]
[loud crashing noise]
Rob: So, earlier in the show, we have-- we put in the sound effect of my hand whipping through. And that just happened naturally. And then, here, I'm adding it.
Glenn: You're doing it.
Rob: I'm doing it.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Oh, so, wait a minute. Hold on a second. Is that what the- I don't think I ever knew that. I always thought you were going [whooshes] 'cause you were doing the-the-- you were doing, like, breaths. You were making the sound effect?
Rob: the sound- the sound that the--
Glenn: Dude, I never knew that.
Megan: Wow.
Rob: [whooshes]
Glenn: I'm learning that right now.
Rob: Oh, yeah.
Glenn: I always thought that was like-- it was like a-- like you were some kind of a breathing technique thing.
Rob: No-no, I was doing the sound effects for the--
Glenn: Holy shit. Did you know that? Am I an idiot?
Charlie: Mm, no. I probably thought of it is like- just like a, yeah, like a breathing thing [laughs].
Glenn: That's so interesting. Wow. I can't-- That's-- Hey, listen--
Rob: [laughs] We're learning.
Glenn: You know-
Rob: Hey--
Glenn: -that's one of the beautiful things.
Rob: You picture dogs to poop.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: And I learned that.
Glenn: Oh, by the way, I did that this morning. For the first time in a very long time, I did that this morning. And-and you know what? To answer you-your earlier question about what kind of dog. It was- it was like a- I'd say around a 30-pound dog. It was white for some reason. It was definitely, you know, in that position.
[laughter]
Uh, it's just-just a mutt. You know what I mean? But it was white.
Charlie: Good.
Glenn: Like a white dog. Yeah.
Charlie: Good. Yeah, 'cause the juxtaposition against the brown poop really helps you see it.
Glenn: I think that's right. You need a contrast.
Charlie: I think that's why. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: Does this dog have a name?
Glenn: No, dog doesn't have a name as far as I know. I mean, I'm sure he does.
Charlie: Of course. Is he in a field?
Rob: Is it a she, he, or what are we talking about?
Glenn: It's not that specific of a conjuring.
Rob: Okay.
Charlie: Okay.
[laughter]
Megan: It's not that specific. It's just a medium-sized white dog.
Glenn: That's right. Yes. And he's sort of floating in space in my mind.
[laughter]
Charlie: Sure-sure, he's not.
Rob: Tell me he's not. And it worked? [crosstalk] And it did work then?
Glenn: Well, you know, I-I think it was, like, one of those things where, like-- I-I-I just remembered our conversation about it.
Rob: Mm-hm.
Glenn: [laughs] So then I-I just pictured it. But I-I don't know that I really needed it. I just-- it just kind of happened.
Charlie: Oh, got it. Got it.
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah-yeah.
Charlie: Inspired in there.
Glenn: Yeah.
[laughter]
Mac: And normally that wouldn't happen. Unless I wanted it to.
Charlie: Right.
Mac: 'cause I could fire right in your chest. 'cause I got the skills to do that.
Charlie: Dude, there's like no tape anywhere. All I can scrounge up is a bandana.
Mac: You know, that's too small. Oh, I could wear it though.
Charlie: Oh.
Mac: I should wear it.
Charlie: I know. But I found it. So, I sort of feel like--
Mac: No, I appreciate you looking for me and finding it for me and doing the Charlie work.
Glenn: It's immediately becoming about who gets to wear it.
Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: That's not even why you brought it in there.
Charlie: That's very our show.
[laughter]
Glenn: Why you brought it in there.
Charlie: Yeah, I brought it to-to tie his hands out. But, now, who want-- who wants to wear it to look cool.
Glenn: Yeah, now that you know wearing it is an option.
[laughter]
Charlie: Yeah.
[laughter]
Then--
Mac: No, it broke.
Charlie: Nothing wrong with it.
[crosstalk]
Mr. Corman: Oh, you got to be kidding me. Just please get me out of this bathroom before I vomit. It is absolutely disgusting.
Charlie: Well, excuse me, Mr. Man.
Glenn: I didn't get again the Kath. Oh, Kathy Bates and-- What's the name of the movie?
Charlie: Um, Misery.
Megan: Misery.
Glenn: Misery?
Charlie: Mm-hm.
Glenn: Yeah, Kathy Bates in Misery.
Charlie: Mr. Man. Very hard cleaning it. In fact, it's so clean. I would say you could eat out of these urinals.
Mac: No, you absolutely-
Glenn: Oh, no.
Mac: -cannot eat out of it.
[laughter]
Charlie: Oh, really? What's this?
Mac: Charlie don't. Char- Oh my gosh.
Glenn: Oh.
[laughter]
Wait, I remember what-what that was that he was eating.
Rob: Rice cake.
Glenn: Nope.
Charlie: No-no.
Glenn: Do you remember? I re--
Charlie: Jicama?
Speaker: Yes, Jicama.
Charlie: Yeah, Jicama.
Glenn: It was Jicama.
Charlie: Blue Jicama.
Rob: Blue Jicama.
Glenn: Blue dye.
Rob: Nice.
Glenn: It was jicama.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Because it had the-- It had the-the texture, the quality, and the crunch. It's nice.
Charlie: Mm-hmm. It was sitting in a urinal.
Megan: [laughs] I was gonna say.
Glenn: In a urinal pot.
Rob: Well-- But you know it's a fake urinal. You know, no-nobody has ever peed in that. We don't know that for sure.
Charlie: We don't know that, man. We don't about that.
Glenn: We don't know where it was sourced.
Charlie: Yeah. Where did they source this thing?
Glenn: Yeah, that might-- It looks like a public park. It probably came from a public park.
[laughter]
Mac: One of us is gonna have to help his--
Charlie: Whoa, dude, I'm not touching his dick.
Mac: Well, Charlie, you're the one that used all the tape.
Charlie: Well, I was comfortable with letting him piss in his pants.
Mac: All right, fine. Then compromise. We'll both do it. That way it's equally weird for both of us
Charlie: [sobs]
Mr. Corman: Please, don't. No. Oh, no. No-no.
Glenn: He’s great in this. [laughs]. Everyone is traumatized.
[crosstalk]
Charlie: Did he get a little bit hard on us?
Mac: Oh, can we not talk about this, please?
Charlie: I just felt like he got a little bit.
Mac: No, it wasn't.
Charlie: It was very weird.
Mac: No, it was the motion.
[crosstalk]
Dee: Hey, guys.
Mac: Why did it move?
Dee: We had a problem.
Charlie: Oh, man. What happened, dude?
Dennis: Well, there was a slight mix up with the apartments. This is Carmen's neighbor, Mehar.
Mac: What happened to doing this without a trace?
Dee: Well, uh, it's a long story. But the punch line is that he started asking questions.
Mac: The punch line?
Corman’s Neighbor: I just want friendship.
Dee: Shut up.
Dennis: Now you asked a lot of questions.
Charlie: Let's not have him ask more questions. Okay?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: Let's just keep him in the trunk for now.
Mac: You can't kidnap more people to cover up the original kidnapping. It's a classic mistake.
Dee: Oh.
Charlie: Oh, I'm sorry.
Dennis: I didn't know there was a handbook on kidnapping.
Rob: Oh, Jesus.
Corman’s Neighbor: Hello.
Charlie: We got to get him inside.
Dennis: He's probably very hot in there.
Charlie: And there's another bit of an issue, which is that I locked the keys in the trunk. just now.
Dennis: What?
Charlie: Yeah.
Dee: Are you kidding me?
Dee: Oh my God.
Charlie: Well, I didn't wanna bring that up.
Dee: Goddam it, Charlie.
Dennis: Okay, this is what we're gonna do. You guys deal with this situation out here. Okay. Let's go talk to Corman. He's writing that new review.
Mac: Because I don't wanna see that man right now.
Charlie: No, we don't wanna deal with him with anymore.
Rob: Because we have a whole thing.
Dee: What happened?
Mac: Uh--
Charlie: Something happened. None of your business.
Mac: Yeah, he had a thing amongst the--
Charlie: Guys stuff happened. Can you just please guys stop?
Rob: You have to hike up your pants. Watch this.
Glenn: Oh yeah.
Rob: To get through this curb, you have to hike up your jeans because you can't get a stretch.
Glenn: Yeah, I can't--
Rob: Watch this.
Glenn: Yeah, the jeans didn't have as much stretch back then.
Charlie: You gave them a little tug. Yeah, they weren't. They made them harder.
Glenn: I also had to angle my knee inward in order to get up there, yeah, because-
Charlie: Yeah-yeah, it's a high step.
Glenn: You got to stretch your hips.
Charlie: It's a high step.
Glenn: God, you guys remember jeans with no stretch? Fuck that.
Rob: They look loose. They look pretty loose, buddy.
Mac: Dammit, dude. I feel like this should be easier. People break into cars all the time.
Charlie: You know, a piece of me wants to chalk this whole guy in the trunk thing off to a loss right now, dude.
Mac: No, we can't do that, bro. We got to get him out of the car.
Charlie: Well then, why don't you just let me take the hammer and smash the window and we'll just pop the trunk?
Mac: Charlie, if we were gonna smash the window, I would simply do it with a roundhouse kick.
Glenn: Come on.
Charlie: Well, come on. You're not gonna be able to break this window with a roundhouse kick. Let's get serious here.
[music]
[laughter]
Mac: Charlie, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life.
[laughter]
Corman’s Neighbor: Hello. Please, let me out.
[laughter]
Rob: [whooshes]
[glass shattering]
[laughter]
Charlie: Oh, no. Shit man.
[laughter]
Gosh.
Mac: You know what? There is a slope in the ground and I didn't-- I wasn't-
Charlie: You just totally-
Mac: -calibrating that way.
Charlie: -broke this mirror, bro.
Mac: Oh, man.
Charlie: Take one karate class if you're so into karate, you know.
[laughter]
Rob: That is a really-really nice--
Glenn: I mean that [coughs]-- You saying that almost makes me feel like maybe we did- we did have earlier references to it. I mean, I don't know. Or maybe it's just you just referencing the number of times-
Charlie: Yes, we did.
Glenn: -he insisting on it in this.
Charlie: I think it's come up before him with--
Glenn: I mean, he did the--
Charlie: -the karate dancing.
Glenn: But the first time he ever did that was in the dancing. Right? Was that-
Charlie: Uh-huh.
Glenn: -in the dancing episode? And he doesn't talk about being a karate master or anything.
Charlie: That's true.
Glenn: I don't know. Okay.
Charlie: He's super into it in this episode. So, maybe.
Megan: Did you guys have, like, a Bible that you wrote about your characters and stuff or anything?
Glenn: Of course. Of course, extensive. Yeah. No, no, no.
[crosstalk]
Very Tolkien-esque sort of like, uh, whole family tree. Like the whole-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Megan: About Mac being gay but it wouldn't come out?
Rob: Yeah, we'll review that much later.
Glenn: Oh, absolutely.
Charlie: Of course, everything.
Glenn: Oh, yeah. I mean, listen. Well, the-- After we finished with- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. We're gonna do a Game of Thrones thing. Go back- go back to like--
Charlie: Yeah, there's a prequel-
Glenn: -where Frank is a kid.
Charlie: -and a pre-prequel.
Glenn: Sure.
Charlie: Yeah.
Megan: It's a good idea.
Mac: Hey, man, do you see any hypodermic needles laying around?
Dennis: What the hell is that?
Mac: Mehar's cat. It's diabetic.
Dennis: Now a diabetic cat is in play? Jesus, we can't catch a break.
Mac: I know.
[cat meows]
Tell me about it.
Charlie: Ain't so easy, you know.
Mac: Oh, Jesus Christ. Charlie, you broke the window?
Charlie: Dude, the guy had to take a dump. What was I supposed to do?
Dennis: Wait, he's all tied up. How did you--
Charlie: Let's not talk about how it happened, okay? It just happened. Give him his cat.
[cat meows]
Mac: Dude, your cat is freaking out.
Mehar: That's not my cat.
Glenn: Oh my God [laughs].
Dennis: No, whoa-whoa, what the hell are you doing, Dee?
Dee: What's-what's Mehar doing here?
Corman: What are you doing with my cat?
Mac: Your cat?
Corman: Yes.
Mac: Jesus Christ.
Corman: What is going on?
Mehar: Mr. Corman, why are they doing this?
[crosstalk]
Glenn: Mr. Corman, why are they doing this?
Mac: Just got to get him back in the office. Jesus Christ, oh, this is--
[crosstalk]
Charlie: Well, he's going to the other room.
Glenn: Another cat actor.
Charlie: Yeah.
Megan: How is it to work with cats? This is the second one, I think, after Agent Jack Bauer.
Charlie: That's kinda a pain to work with. Like there's lot of--
Rob: That's a little tougher.
Charlie: Yeah. Dogs, like, obeys rules better. Ca-cats are--
Glenn: They do it better. But let's be- let's be honest. I've met people who have trained their dogs just to be around the house, how they want them to behave around the house 1,000 times better than any animal trainer we have ever- I have-
[laughter]
-ever worked with who can't ever get the dog to do anything. It's astounding to me.
Charlie: And sometimes--
Glenn: It's astounding to me-
Charlie: Sometimes.
Glenn: -how little the people who are hired to train dogs for film and television seem to-- I'm disparaging these people. But get it together for Christ's sakes. Uh--
Megan: We need a dog trainer trainer.
Glenn: We do need--
Charlie: You need to train your dog trainer.
Glenn: -a dog trainer trainer.
Charlie: I don't know, man, sometimes you see those dogs, they like ring a bell if open the door, read a book.
[laughter]
Glenn: Until you call action, yeah.
Charlie: Until you call action, then they--
Megan: [laughs] Yeah.
Glenn: Then all of a sudden they're the dumbest fucking dogs on the planet.
Charlie: Like, I just want [crosstalk]
Glenn: They just go doo.
Rob: He just wants a treat.
Charlie: I did a thing with a bear once with a bear where they just had like a little orange wire that was supposed to be like an electric wire. They're like, "So, the bear won't go past this wire." And you're like--
Megan: [laughs] Wait, what?
Charlie: [laughs] I think the bear would if it- if it really wants to. It might be like, "Ow, that fucking wire hurt. And now I'm really pissed."
Glenn: I'm gonna kill them.
Charlie: "Now, I'm just gonna maul everybody."
Rob: [laughs]
Glenn: Yeah-yeah, I wanna kill everybody. Whoever-- I don't know who was responsible for that wire.
Charlie: I don't know who, yeah.
Glenn: So, I'm just gonna maul everyone in sight.
[laughter]
[music]
Rob: Okay, creeps and listeners, it is your favorite time of the week. That's right. The ads.
Charlie: Oh man, and this week, guess who we're brought to you by. Guess who.
Rob: Is it Shopify?
Charlie: It's Shopify.
Glenn: Shopify. Guys-
Charlie: It's Shopify, man.
Glenn: -Shopify gives entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big businesses, you know. So, upstarts, startups, and established businesses alike can sell everywhere, synchronize online and in-person sales, and effortlessly stay informed because success is a million milestones on a forever-evolving path.
Rob: Tha-that's right. The American dream reaching that picture-perfect zenith in life usually takes a considerable amount of effort in labor and gain.
Glenn: Well, that's where Shopify comes in and it powers millions of businesses from first sale to full scale.
Charlie: Now, that sounds like possibility to me.
Rob: It sounds like success.
Glenn: So guys go to shopify.com/sunny, all lowercase for a free 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features.
Charlie: Grow your business with Shopify today. Go to shopify.com/sunny right now.
Rob: That's shopify.com/sunny.
[music]
Dee: Whoa, hold on there for a minute.
Dennis: Where are you going, buddy?
Dee: Where are you going?
Charlie: Hey, buddy.
Dee: You're not going very fast.
Megan: If he had those slidey chairs that we have, he could have just--
Rob: He could just slid right- slid right through [unintelligible 00:46:00].
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Could've just moved straight out.
Megan: Move straight out.
Mac: You're willing to not force you to write that review. If you are willing to step up, do the right thing and not tell anybody that this happened.
Corman: I don't care. Whatever it takes to get me out of this bar, away from you people.
Mac: My man,-
Dee: Here we go.
Mac: That is the attitude with the way [unintelligible 00:46:17].
Dennis: Was that so hard?
Charlie: That's right, man.
Dennis: Where's this guy been? Now we won't charge you for the duct tape.
[laughs]
That was a joke.
Dee: Oh, oh God.
Charlie: I really don't like this guy.
Dennis: You're an idiot.
Charlie: Well, we'll see who is the idiot when he wakes up tomorrow and doesn't remember a thing.
Dee: I don't think that's how it works, Charlie.
Dennis: It's definitely not how it works.
Mac: Oh my God. Well, we may as well embrace the amnesia angle because we have no other options at this point.
Dee: Well now.
Charlie: Okay. Look at yesterday's newspaper.
[laughs]
Mac: Are you guys ready? One, two, three.
Dennis: Oh yeah.
Charlie: Oh yeah.
The Gang: And I'll take, take-
Glenn: We've already moved past it.
The Gang: -with the memories,
To be my sunshine, after rain
And it's so hard to say goodbye
To yesterday
Rob: That sounds pretty good. No?
Rob: Yeah, yeah, it is it's okay. I love this episode.
Glenn: I enjoyed it very much.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: I'm gonna say that, um, out of the episodes we've seen so far, how many have we done? About 40-something, 42.
Megan: Yeah.
Rob: Uh, that's in my top 10.
Charlie: Really?
Glenn: I love that episode. I thought that was great.
Megan: Was it 'cause there was no Danny in it?
Glenn: No, but I will say-
Charlie: Oh, I didn't even notice.
Rob: I will say that not having to facilitate a-a fifth character, w-we did because we had Corman in there. But I will say that, uh, it does make it a little bit easier to tell more story. Um, I missed Danny in it, but I feel like it's still- it's-it's one of my- it's one of my favorites.
Charlie: It's not one of my favorites, but I don't know- I can't pinpoint why.
Rob: Maybe you're missing Danny.
Charlie: Yeah, maybe that's it. Yeah. So-something just feels just like a little- a little flat, but I don't know. It's not bad. I laughed a lot, so--
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: And that's what, you know, that's the goal, right? You made something people laugh at a lot and, uh, that's a goal.
Glenn: And that's a goal. Uh, how are you just feeling so far like about--
Charlie: Feeling about--
[laughs]
Glenn: Abou-abou-abou-abou-abou-abou- about, um, how may I- about, uh, the rewatch. Like are you guys- you're enjoying this ge-generally speaking, you're--
Charlie: Oh-
Glenn: I'm looking back on the old episodes and thinking like, "Yeah." Or are you looking back on the old episodes for the most part and being like, "Mm." You know, like what's your general-- feel like th-the-- it seems like the consensus is we're enjoying it.
Rob: I'm enjoying it. -
Charlie: Oh me too, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, very proud of the show and it's nice to go back and feel like the episodes, even the ones that you think were misses aren't as much of a miss as you felt like-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: -they were.
Rob: I'm excited to get ones that I know for a fact that fans hate that we love.
Glenn: Oh, yeah.
Rob: I think that'll be fun.
Charlie: Like-like Liberty Bell.
Glenn: Liberty Bell and Frank's Brother.
Rob: Yeah.
Megan: Here's a good question 'cause this whole episode is about like, um, criticism and stuff. Do you guys take any of that personally when people do rankings of the episodes or criticize the show or any reviews coming out back then? Like, was this episode was the idea for this episode to like go right at criticism, in general?
Charlie: I don't take, uh, like other people's, um, it's more my own criticism, right? Like if I feel like we're in the editing room and I feel like, "Uh, this one missed the mark." Like I beat myself up, man.
Megan: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: Um, tha-that like hits the hardest, you know,-
Megan: Mm.
Charlie: -'cause just, you know, I want 'em to all be great. I don't know. I'm sure you guys feel the same, but.
Glenn: Yeah, no, absolutely. I mean, we've touched on this a little bit, but, uh, I think if the, you know, if the majority of people like really dislike something, it definitely bothers me.
Megan: Well, I'm hoping that you guys are driven by it in terms of this is actually one of the segments I'd like to add to the show, which is who are we doing it versus? I thought it might be good if every episode we find somebody for you guys to do the podcast against.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Megan: And for this episode, I thought we could do it against negative comments that we've received about the podcast, which I have in this coffee cup if you guys wanted to pull any out and read some-
Rob: Yeah-yeah-yeah.
Charlie: Yeah-yeah. That sounds fun.
Glenn: Do you- do you wanna just grab a handful of those oh-oh, no-
Megan: Yeah, just-just pull them out randomly-
Glenn: -you're gonna take the whole thing.
Rob: Here you.
Glenn: Okay.
Megan: -and then you guys can read some-some mean things that people have said about this podcast. Now, they have gone to our pages in order to, um, say these things.
Glenn: To lodge these complaints.
Megan: Yeah, so, um,-
Rob: They want- they want these- well, they're getting exactly what they want right now which I-I have to say is-is one reason-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -not to do this but-
Glenn: Yeah, I know.
Rob: -you know what? Also, fuck everybody. So it could be fun. "Great to see the real tired and gru-grumpy actors behind-
[laughter]
-behind these attractive and polished characters."
Glenn: Sure.
Charlie: “Some of the whitest shit I'mma see today.”
[laughter]
That's great. I mean that-that's encouraging.
Rob: That's about right.
Glenn: That's pretty white, yeah.
Rob: It doesn't get- it doesn't get much whiter.
Glenn: It doesn't get much whiter.
Charlie: I-I think that was when we were doing thi-this bit.
Glenn: Oh, that specifically-
Rob: Yeah, um, my guess is that.
Glenn: -refers to that.
Rob: Megan, this one is anti-you. Do you wanna hear it?
Megan: Yeah, great let's do it.
Charlie: It's anti-you.
Megan: A lot of them are, right?
Charlie: "Please give Megan, uh, her own Always Sunny Podcast so she isn't on this one." So, they still want it to be a Sunny Podcast just to be clear.
Megan: Can you imagine me running my own Sunny Podcast-
Glenn: Yeah.
Megan: -separately from you guys-
Rob: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.
Megan: -and then just like dropping off.
Glenn: I don't know, maybe we should consider it. "Wow this podcast has gotten so lazy so fast. It pretty quickly went all Zoom, even though they said they had a studio and now Glenn just doesn't seem to-- doesn't even-- Glenn, just doesn't even bother. Soon it will be, uh, it'll just be Megan talking by herself.”
Rob: Well, to be fair, they-they were right. There was a period in which we all had to go on Zoom cause we were all working. You didn't show up for like two or three episodes and then we were just carrying the weight.
Charlie: "Mac out here looking like a young Gilbert Gottfried."
Rob: Oh.
Megan: I think with the buzzed hair.
Charlie: With the what?
Megan: I think with the buzzed hair. When you had the buzzed hair.
Glenn: Yeah, I see it. I see it a little bit.
Charlie: What? I don't see that at all.
Glenn: I see it. No, it's-- she's right, it's the hair.
Megan: - I think it was-
Rob: I'll take that.
Glenn: It's the hair, but also the face.
Megan: A young Gilbert Gottfried.
Rob: That's not-
Charlie: I am a young Gilbert Gottfried.
Rob: Has Gilbert Gottfried-- was Gilbert Gottfried ever young?
Megan: Yeah.
Rob: "I wonder why all three of their postures are overly feminine, it must be something that naturally happens after living in Hollywood after all those years."
Glenn: What the hell?
Rob: What is a feminine posture?
Megan: I like how the two of you--
Rob: What are they even talking about?
Megan: -Charlie didn't move at all. The two of you just like adjusted.
Charlie: [laughs] You guys were like.-
Charlie: -wait a second.
Glenn: What are they-- what?
Rob: I have no idea.
Glenn: Seriously what? Seriously what are they referring to? That's ridiculous.
Charlie: I'm shocked.
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah, I don't- I don't like understand it at all.
Charlie: This one makes no fucking sense. "I don't like condescending people. Two episodes in a row, I've had rudeness at the beginning of it feeling directed towards me. The "I'm not your mother I know how to count, dude. I love the show lots, but having a woman belittle me at the beginning of it is not a good feeling."
Megan: That's because-
Charlie: What?
Megan: -I put a little message at the beginning of one of the podcasts saying, um, you know, we shou- for the dance episode, you should watch this on YouTube 'cause it's really visual. And then I did one to explain why we skipped Mac and Charlie Die, Part 1 and 2 and-and people thought I was being condescending.
Rob: No-no-no-no, you said something very funny. You said, um, if you want, this would be a more visual episode-
Megan: Yeah.
Rob: -so you should- if you- a listener could turn into a creep for an episode so you should maybe watch it or don't we don't- I don't care. I'm not your mom.
Megan: I'm not your mom, yeah.
Rob: And if somebody doesn't get that joke, they can fuck all the way off and stop-
Glenn: Yeah-yeah-yeah.
Rob: -watching altogether.
Glenn: Seriously, dude.
Rob: Like seriously, man, like shut the fuck up-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -and stop-- and turn off your podcast machine.
Glenn: Uh-huh. Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: Sorry.
Glenn: Turn off everything.
Rob: And also how about you? "I love you, but I don't wanna be called creeps. Can we not do that? It's a very sinister word for people who adore you." Fuck off. Turn it off. Creep. Creep-creep-
Charlie: What a creepy thing to say.
Rob: -creep-creep-creep-creep
Glenn: What a creepy thing for that creep to say.
Charlie: What a creepy thing a person creep in there and creep on you like that, uh.
[laughter]
Yeah.
Rob: That leads me to believe that you don't understand what the television show is or the podcast.
Charlie: Wait, I think it's so funny that this person doesn't like having a woman belittle them so they'd be fine if we belittled them.
Megan: Mm-hmm.
Rob: Yes.
Megan: They'd love that.
Rob: That's misogyny.
Charlie: Well, they might have had a really shitty mom and it's just bringing up-
Rob: Sure.
Charlie: you know-
Glenn: "This podcast makes me feel uncomfortable because at some point I've seen all of their ankles."
Rob: That's great.
Charlie: Well, come on, that's someone being funny. That's funny, that's not-
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, that's funny- that's funny I get that.
Rob: I wonder if we should do a whole episode where we have no shoes on, really freak people out.
Charlie: Well, that would really turn some people off.
Rob: That might actually spike in the-- well, it Meg, you know what? If Meg did one with no shoes on that would spike-
Megan: Yeah.
Rob: -the internet.
Megan: Oh yeah, that's true.
Rob: There's all this [crosstalk].
Charlie: Uh-uh, I told you-- Have I told you a story about Mary Elizabeth in the play?-
Glenn: You should- you should literally put like hair on them so they're like hobbit feet.
Charlie: -and this guy comes in and--
Rob: Oh, you're taking all the photos of it, yeah.
Charlie: Yeah. This guy comes in to take photos of--
Rob: Wait, what do you?
Charlie: I mean, years ago. Like, starting out, Mary Elizabeth, did some play, downtown like, uh, and some guy comes in and he- and he talking to this actress. And it wasn't Mary Elizabeth, but it was the other woman in the play. And he said, he was like, with the LA Times. He was- he's like, "I'll take some pictures for the article." And he's like, "You know what, um, get comfortable. Kick your shoes off." And she's like, "Oh, okay." And he's taking pictures. And then-
Glenn: Oh, God.
Charlie: -he starts taking pictures of her feet. And she's like, "What's this?" He's like, "No, I'm just- I'm getting a variety of things." And then someone like shushes him out of the theater. It's like, "You, get outta here." And like scrambles out. He's like, "I'm so sorry that guy comes in and takes pictures-pictures of all the actress' feet. And he always pretends he's like from-“ I was like, "What an amazing- what a life, dude.”
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Charlie: What a life to just be like, "All right. Okay. Here comes another show. Where's my camera? Where's my camera? Where's the film? Marty, where's the film?"
Glenn: He's got an assistant?
Rob: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: He's got, he's got an accomplice.
[laughter]
Charlie: All right. All right. Do I look like a reporter? How do I look? All right. Let's go, go, go, go, go.
Megan: But-but how nice to know your thing so clearly?
Glenn: Sure, sure.
Rob: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Megan: It's like, I'm- this is what I'm gonna do. It's my whole life's purpose. Get pictures of actress' feet.
Glenn: Yeah. And-and-and I would say there's enough pictures of people's feet, I'm sure on the internet. But, uh, you know, but this guy, that's not enough for him. He needs to be the one.
Charlie: No, it's a thrill of that, "I've scammed you into it."
Glenn: Yes. You've given them to me.
Charlie: Exposing your foot.
Glenn: Yes. You've shown it to me.
Charlie: 'Cause otherwise, just hang out at the beach with a really long lens camera. And you're just [chuckles], you know, you're just fucking scoring, man.
Glenn: All day, baby.
Charlie: Just fucking feet everywhere.
[laughter]
Glenn: No, you need to take [laughs].
Megan: You don't need a cover story or anything.
Glenn: No.
Charlie: Naked feet all over this beach. You see this shit?
Glenn: Oh, God. But I didn't talk him into it. So, it can't-
Charlie: I didn't talk [crosstalk].
Glenn: -don't do nothin' for me. You know, I gotta talk him into-- I need to manipulate him into it.
Rob: [laughs]
Charlie: Work at a shoe store-
Glenn: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.
Rob: Oh, that's overload.
Glenn: I do. But you guys know, I have freakishly long toes. So I-I think it's gonna freak people out.
Rob: Let's let- let's let the creeps.
Megan: Let's get them out.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: My middle toe is as long as my pinky finger.
Megan: No way.
Glenn: I--
Rob: He's measured.
Glenn: No, I promise you. It's mine--
Megan: Your nipples are the sizes of dimes. And your- and your pink-- your middle toe is--
Glenn: I've got toes--
Charlie: This is not the handwork of the gods. This is weird.
Glenn: I've got toes like fingers, man. It's fucking weird. Yeah.
Megan: How many knuckles per toe?
Charlie: Can you open a jar of peanut butter with your foot?
Glenn: I can't, but they barely move. They're like this- they're like, I don't know. They're like fuckin' paralyzed. That my feet, they don't- they-they don't- it's-it's weird.
Megan: Well, that brings us to our final segment, which is, um, did we do it? Which is where we discuss whether or not we did it.
Rob: I think we did it.
Charlie: Yeah, we did. It felt good. I thought we came in hot, and funny. And we ended funny and what more can you want?
Rob: I-I can come in hot again. Either I-- Guys, I went to France.
Glenn: Or like, oh-oh, okay. So, all right-
Rob: I have opinions.
Glenn: -so-so, hold on a second. For those who aren't completely-
Megan: We can leave that [crosstalk].
Glenn: -and totally up to speed on this, for the listeners and the creeps that--
Rob: We should pick it up next episode, 'cause, buddy.
Glenn: Yeah. It's a whole thing. You know, an anticipation of this next episode, because I'm-I'm very much looking forward to this, Rob. Um, there was, uh, a-a time where you came in hot about-about French people, and how, um, I don't know.
Rob: Recognizing that it was ridiculous and unfair to take an entire country-
Glenn: Yes, and-
Rob: -and whittle them down-
Glenn: -you were being funny-
Rob: -to a stereotype, of course.
Glenn: -but you were, you know, disparaging the French in some ways. And, uh, and then you had a couple of encounters with some French people that made you go, you know what? That's just me disparaging an entire country.
Rob: That's bullshit.
Glenn: I-I I've- I've just met a bunch of really great French people. And then you went to France.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: And I'll leave it at that.
Rob: Okay. Thank you.
Glenn: So we won't-- so we're gonna find out when he went to the country-
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: -where these people are all over the place.
Rob: Well, it's their country.
Megan: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: They're French.
Rob: Yes. [laughs]
Megan: Final reviews of the table too, good?
Rob: Love the table.
Megan: Like the table?
Glenn: I'm sure because you change things up, and you're a woman, and you made the-the decision, people would [crosstalk].
Megan: Yeah, [crosstalk].
Charlie: Pound the table.
Megan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glenn: I could use a lumbar pillow.
[End Credits]