On the pod, the guys revisit Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 4, Episode 9.

Charlie Day: Why am I the only one who can't figure out how to use the Bluetooth earphones?

Rob McElhenney: You see the Bluetooth up in the right-hand corner?

Charlie: No. I don't have a Bluetooth in my right-hand corner.

Rob: Oh.

Charlie: As it searches for devices, it doesn't seem to find these little suckers.

Rob: Press the button and hold the button.

Charlie: Uh--

Rob: And then take them out. Yeah. Is there like a little button on there on the back?

Glenn Howerton: No button?

Charlie: Ain't no motherfucker.

Rob: See that little button?

Glenn: Nah, nah, Gee.

Charlie: Nah, nah, dawg. I ain't got no button. Oh, shoot.

Glenn: I've never noticed that button.

Charlie: Holy shit. I have a button.

Glenn: I've never noticed that.

Megan Ganz: Sorry. My dog's decided she has to be a part of this. So, she's gonna be below me.

Glenn: That's fine.

Meg: That noise you hear is her, not me farting and barking.

Rob: I can't get my, uh, my mic to work.

Glenn: Is it turning on?

Rob: I can't hear any of yous--

Meg: You can't hear us?

Glenn: You can't hear us?

Charlie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

Rob: You can hear? Everybody can hear, but I'm the only one that can't hear? No?

Charlie: Great.

Meg: I'm calling you.

Rob: Here's Meg calling me. Hey, Meg.

Charlie: This is funny.

Meg: Hey. So, um, just check your sound preferences because I bet you have your output going through your microphone which is why you can't hear us. So, if you go to System Preferences--

Rob: Ah, fuck. Wow.

Charlie: Are you guys hearing that crazy shit? What the fuck?

Glenn: I'm hearing an echo by the way.

Charlie: Yeah, I am too.

Meg: Sorry, guys. It's probably me.

Glenn: [coughs]

Charlie: [coughs]

Glenn: Oh, shit. I forgot something. I'll be right back.

Meg: Um. Great. Uh. Okay. Well, after all that fun, let's get started.

[music]

Rob: Well, here we are on The Always Sunny Podcast. Now, if-if you'll notice, we're, um, we're not in studio. We're here, uh, in our homes doing this, uh, Zoom bullshit again. And, um, I'd like to bring up why, and I have a couple of questions. Um, It appears that my co-hosts, Glenn and Charlie, were both sick. Charlie's been sick for a while. Glenn is now sick, uh, with some sort of flu-type cold and/or COVID. We don't know, but we have established that both of them are more healthier than I am. And yet, here I am- [inhales deeply]

Glenn: Yeah. I-I-

Rob: -healthy as can be. Yeah. So, I do have--

Glenn: Well, I-I have- I have more beef than you do with this exact issue, Rob, and here's why.

Rob: Yes.

Glenn: Because Charlie-- Can I say-

Charlie: No, but he's--

Glenn: -what you just-

Charlie: Please.

Glenn: -what-what you just went through?

Rob: Oh, please.

Glenn: Okay. So, Charlie, who somehow was the healthiest of all of us, according to Dr. Kipper-- and, you know, I've-I've got beef with that too, but we can get to that later.

Rob: [laughs]

Glenn: Um. You know, got hit with COVID pretty hard. And I, who was not as healthy as Charlie, currently have COVID, and I feel nothing.

Charlie: Well, I mean, if you want to go tit for tat, this is your second bat with COVID. It was my first. I think I went a good two and-

Glenn: Wow. Don't bring that up.

Charlie: -two and a half years without even- without even a sniffle.

Glenn: Yeah, same.

Charlie: And it's the first time I was sick in quite some time. Secondly, I think I was pretty worn down from that tour that we did when I got it. So, you know, it's like, uh, already pretty run down, and then it-it crept into me.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Uh. So--

Rob: We all did the tour. We all did the tour.

Glenn: [chuckles]

Charlie: Yeah. But you guys had already had COVID. So, you had COVID immunity. I did not. So, I was just like, uh, naked as the day I was born out there, you know-

Meg: [chuckles]

Charlie: -real risky. And, uh, you know, it takes a lot to sing, you know, to really just get out there and sing every night. You're really kinda pushing the lungs and, uh, and, um, and-and we pushed the liver.

Glenn: It's time for them to push back.

Charlie: Let's-let's admit it. We pushed the liver. And-

Meg: Well, did we just prove--

Charlie: -it got me.

Meg: Did we just prove then Rob's theory that whisky kills COVID if you, like, drink enough of it while you're traveling?

Charlie: Well, I didn't have any at my cousin's wedding which is-- I'm pretty sure is where I got it. So, maybe if I had been drinking whisky, I would've been fine. I don't know.

Rob: Isn't that amazing? We were around thousands of people. I mean, just thousands of people in Philadelphia-

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Rob: -and Kentucky.

Glenn: Yeah. Hugging and shaking hands and just-

Meg: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -getting breathed on left and right.

Meg: [chuckles]

Glenn: It was so foolish. Why? Yeah. Just-- We should not have done that. We should not have done that. And yet, that's not where Charlie, apparently, got it. Um. And I got--

Charlie: I don't believe so. I think it was like my, like, my aunt's friends being like, "Oh, it's good to see you, Charlie."

Meg: [chuckles]

Charlie: And just like screaming right into my mouth. They're like, "[coughs] Excuse me, Charlie. I've been sick for a long time, but look." You know.

Glenn: Yeah. It's always good.

[laughter]

Rob: Victorian England.

Glenn: What is--

Charlie: Yeah, yeah. "Let me get- let me get--" If you don't think that Philly accent sounds like, fucking-- some kind of ridiculous Victorian England accent, you're out of your mind.

Glenn: [chuckles]

Charlie: Eh, Charlie.

Glenn: Get, like, get outta my face. Like, I hate it when people talk right into my face. Have you ever, have you ever done--

Charlie: Well, I'll-I'll say it's-it's-

Glenn: Like I did an ex--

Charlie: It's loud at a wedding though, right? It is.

Glenn: Well, yeah.

Charlie: Like, so they're-they're blasting the music. So then, you know, some-someone who like, eh, doesn't know me very well, wants to say hi, really has to get up in there to-to talk to me. And I think that's-

Glenn: I--

Charlie: -where the CO-COVID particles were passed back and forth.

Glenn: Yeah. I-I did an experiment the other day. Uh, this was- this was fun. Um, I-I was at some event, and this person was a close talker, right? And just kept, you know, just kept getting like in my face to talk, and it just- and it wasn't that loud. So it was not at all necessary for this person to do this. So I just kept backing up, right? And what I decided to do, 'cause I was like, "This is so funny to me. I'm just gonna go in a circle and see what happens."

And this motherfucker followed me in a circle. We went in cir-- we just got-- kept-- and I was just like, "I'm gonna see how long this will go on for before this motherfucker notices that we're literally going in circles." And we just went in circles and circles and circles, and-and this person never ever noticed that I was taking him on a ride. And it was completely bizarre. And-and I just- I- it-- Luckily, it kept me from going crazy 'cause I was like, "Get outta my face. Get out of my face"

Rob: Dude-

Charlie: That's amazing.

Rob: -I had the-- It's so weird that you- that you- that you just brought that up because I had almost the same experience on Saturday night. I was at an event and I had the same thought where I was like, "I'm going to--" There was a very close talker. It was kind of loud, but not loud enough to justify how close he was. And-and I know him like it wasn't a complete stranger, but I- but I thought, "Okay, how am I gonna navigate this? I gotta-- I'm gonna take him on a ride."

But I did the complete opposite, where I went closer to him and so he kept talking and kept getting, like closer and closer and closer and closer. And, eventually, he started like, backing up to the point where I got all the way up, like, up to him, and he was like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "Well, I-I was just trying to get as close to you as possible." And he's like, "Why?" And anyway, we-we worked it out.

Charlie: That's [crosstalk]

Glenn: That's funnier. That's even funnier. That-that's funny. That-- I feel like that's the personality difference, maybe, between you and I, right there, like in a nutshell, you know. Like, that's your move. My move is to- is to, like, keep backing up and just going in circles and your move is to just, "All right, well if we're going forward, let's go forward and like, press in. [crosstalk].

Rob: Let's just go all the way forward. Cause, bud-buddy, I'm ready to touch noses if you want.

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: I'll-I'll fucking kiss you. I'll kiss--

Rob: I'll nibble on that top lip just-just-just to see what happens.

Glenn: That's right.

Charlie: But I just stand there and take it. I just take it, man. Like, I take every person who wants to talk right into my mouth. I take it. I let them talk as long as they want. I didn't wear a mask at the wedding cause I-I-I was like, "Ah, I don't wanna be like the only like celebrity guy there. And then he's got a mask on," and people are like, "Ah, Charlie thinks he's better than us. He's gonna cover his face." You know, like, I don't know, just like weird, like, I want everyone to be happy at my own expense. Now I want no one to be happy 'cause I was sick for too long, so.

Glenn: That is- that's really funny. I-I-I like how--

[crosstalk]

Meg: That's how you get COVID.

Charlie: Yeah. Cause I want everyone to be happy. I had a good time at the wedding. What are you gonna do?

Glenn: What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

Rob: What are you gonna do?

Charlie: Okay. Guys, you just wanna talk about this Erotic Life, man? This, uh, Dennis Reynolds's Erotic Life?

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: Yeah.

Rob: God.

Charlie: Hoo-boy.

Rob: If-if- every time we watch an episode, it just blows me away how-how weird this show is, and really funny.

Glenn: It's so weird.

Rob: Really so weird. It's so weird.

Meg: Do you guys want me to recap what happens for people?

Rob: Yeah, sure.

Meg: You're doing that a little bit of structure back. Do you guys remember the structure?

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Okay.

Charlie: There's a structure now?

Meg: All right so De-- Yeah, we have a little bit of structure. Um, Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life is from Season 4, Episode 9. Um, it aired on October 23rd, 2008. It was written by Rob McElhenney, Glenn Howerton, and Scott Marder. It was directed by Fred Savage. Dennis enters rehab while Mac and Frank try to authenticate his erotic memoir. Dee and Charlie live in each other's shoes for the day.

Dee: What were you even doing in that crawl space, Charlie?

Charlie: Well, for starters, I was minding my own business. I was also trying to do a little light reading and then I was putting some cheese in the rat traps.

Dee: You were putting the cheese in the rat traps?

Charlie: Yes.

Dee: Can I smell your mouth?

Charlie: Why?

Dee: You were eating the cheese, weren't you? Out of the rat traps?

Charlie: No. Well, yes. I mean, I was eating the old cheese to test it. See why the rats weren't eating it?

Dee: Why are you doing such weird things, Charlie?

Charlie: I do weird things? Name another thing that you think is weird.

Dee: Well, I caught you stealing a bunch of coins out the fountain at Logan Circle.

Charlie: Uh, I was acquiring a little bit of cash to pay my spy, Dee.

Dee: Why do you have a spy?

Charlie: To spy on the waitress. Of course, I have a spy.

Dee: Is that normal?

Charlie: Do you know what? Shut up and give me my book back, please.

Dee: No.

Dennis: Hey guys, what book you keep going on and on about?

Charlie: It-it's nothing. You don't need to see it.

Dennis: Oh my God. Whoa. These are my- these are my memoirs. Charlie, you found my book. I wrote a memoir. Hey, Guys, Charlie found my memoirs.

Frank: Your memoirs?

Dennis: I'd been keeping track of all my sexual exploits, and I was gonna unleash 'em in the world at a fiery blaze of eroticism.

Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down a second, Dennis. You wrote a book?

Dennis: Well, it's more of a tale of redemption told through my erotic travels.

Mac: Giddy up man. That's amazing!

Dennis: That's good stuff, right? Yeah. But then one day the book just sort of went mysteriously missing. Charlie, what the hell are you doing with it?

Dee: Well, uh, since he can't read, I'm guessing he was masturbating to your pictures.

Dennis: God damn jerking off to my--

Charlie: God no, that is not at all. You know what, what are you doing to me? Why are you doing this? You've been riding me. Now you're accusing me of things. You just don't get it. You don't know why I do the things that I do. It's nuts. You don't know how hard I got it.

Dee: Pretty tough, your life is pretty hard.

Charlie: I tell you what, how's is it to walk a mile on my shoes huh? I'm trying your old buddy, Charlie, on for size.

Dee: You want me to walk a mile in your shoes? 'Cause I can't handle your big tough life? I will. That sounds fine to me. I will do that.

Mac: Oh my God shut up. Dennis, what's the name of this book?

Dennis: Ah, Dennis Reynolds. An Erotic Life.

Charlie: I'll tell you what, in my COVID haze, I watched a lot of, uh, movies uh, which that's, you know, the one good thing about it is, like, just having some time to just be like, "Well, I can't do shit, so let me watch some stuff." And I watched some, like, some-- I won't, like, say every movie, but I watched some-- what are considered really high-end, sophisticated, uh, you know, like, movies from Europe that are very funny and that-that were brilliant, that blew me away. But out of watching all those movies, and as much as I love them, nothing made me laugh harder than Danny running into the room to eat that cat food at the end of the night when those cats started howling.

Dee: Charlie, no wonder it reeks in here. You have open cans of pee everywhere.

Charlie: Well, I'm sorry, but you do not wanna use that bathroom. Okay. Now eat one of these, all right? You're gonna wanna huff a little glue and drink some beer.

Dee: This is cat food, Charlie.

Charlie: Well, gee, I can explain it, alright? there's some sort of weird chemical reaction that happens when you combine cat food, beer, and glue. It makes you feel, like, extremely sick and tired and you're able to fall asleep.

Dee: Why would I wanna make myself extremely sick and tired?

Charlie: Because there's gonna be about 50 cats howling outside that window all night long, and you have no idea how loud 50 cats can be.

Dee: Okay maybe there wouldn't be cats surrounding your building if you didn't have open cans of cat food everywhere.

Charlie: I have 50 cats howling outside my window because I have 10,000 rats running around my building.

Dee: Okay? Stop yelling. You're spitting cat food on me.

Charlie: I'm not an idiot. There’s a reason to do the things that I-- [stomach growls] Oh, I don't feel good. It’s starting right on time, if I were you, I'd started wolfing that shit down. I gotta go to sleep. Oh, I'm not feeling good at all.

Glenn: That was so funny.

Charlie: I was like, you know, there's a certain type of humor that our show found and that we were able to get away with, that, for me, I'm sure not for everyone, for me, is a true belly laugh, you know, is a true belly laugh. And I would- I would argue that this episode does not work for-for many reasons, but even an episode that doesn't work, to have a laugh that because I'd forgotten, I'd forgotten he came firing in and started of wolfing down the cat food so he could go to sleep, and what, just, a funny thing that was. I don't know, that- Did that make any sense? I think I have COVID brain still.

Glenn: I, I cry-laughed like five different separate times in this. One was when you picked up the pee bucket to show Dee-

Rob: Well, she's laughing. Charlie's laughing.

Glenn: -where she could go pee, and it's- and it's splashing. You start laughing and I-I was laughing at that [laughter] Then I also laughed when Danny came firing in with the-- inexplicably wearing Mardi Graw beads and-

Charlie: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been at some crazy party.

Glenn: Yeah, I remember us making that choice and being like, let's just store some Mardi Graw beads on him and have it be a total mystery.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: We won't explain it at all, but it's just like, he's been at some kind of fucking weird thing, and then, but it, it's also like the specificity of like how he-he wolfs it down, then he, again, he gets in bed, puts his back to you, and then he, like, turns over for a second and he's like, "No," like, almost like he's considering turning the other way, and then he's like [noise] and turns back to the direction that he was going in. The specificity of, like, some of those choices was incredible, and then I also guffawed, um, at all the- at all the shining stuff, but especially when Dee comes back in and-and then he's like, "Occupado".

Denis: Occupado.

[music]

Charlie: Oh God, oh God.

Glenn: Well, this is, I mean, it's the first-- Yeah, it's the first time we really kind of peeled back, uh, the curtain to-to show you what was going on, uh, you know, in these guys, in the-- I mean, we-we-we'd alluded to, you know, what their life was like and pooped the bed and, you know, so-- but we were getting deeper and deeper into their, like, strange, uh, bromance. If you guys remember, this season, we had, um, a couple issues. It-it was this episode- and it was Mac and Charlie Die, and Mac and Charlie Die. And this episode we're coming in crazy long on time. And for anyone at home who doesn't know what that means, you have a certain amount of time the episode is gotta be. What was it at that time? 22 minutes. 23 minutes?

Rob: Yeah. 22:40.

Glenn: Maybe 21 and a half.

Rob: It was getting, it's getting shorter and shorter as the years go by.

Charlie: Right. So at that time, we had about 21 and a half minutes, whatever it was, and you know, the episode was like 30 minutes and nowadays there's more wiggle room and television. But back then it was pretty much like, no, you have to, you pretty much have to hit this time window because we have all these ads that are paying for the, uh, eyeballs. So, um, so we were-- we had enough time to fix Mac and Charlie Die because of when we shot it in the season that we said, "Okay, we can add a bunch of scenes and make a-a two-parter." And I think we pitched two FX doing that for this episode too. And they were like, "No." Uh, I think--

Glenn: Well, they didn't like- they-they didn't like two-parters. They-they never wanted two-parters that they-they, you know, they always wanted the show to play, like you could watch any episode at any time, and it wasn't tied to anything else.

Charlie: So this was the first time we, sort of, coined amongst ourselves, "the Frankenstein episode," the term, "the Frankenstein episode," because we had to pull out so much of this episode to get it to the run time. And we-we pulled out just enough that it made sense. But I think there was a lot more of me and Dee, uh, of-of what we were up to. I think there was more. There was- there was definitely more of Sinbad and Rob Thomas. Do you guys remember the thing we cut of Sinbad and Rob Thomas?

Rob: I was expecting it. I thought, oh, I thought it was in the episode. Where-where does-- did that? That-that never exists. Did we release?

Glenn: No, it was on people put it on the DVD. We put it on the DVD. Okay.

Charlie: Did we? So, Meg, there was a beat where Rob Thomas breaks Glenn out of, uh, the psychiatric ward and he says, Look, you gotta get outta here. Sinbad's crazy, you know, and then he thanks Rob Thomas, and he climbs out the window or something like that. And then Rob Thomas, like, pulls a gun up and we pan off of Rob Thomas to the picture of Sinbad, and then blood splatters across Sinbad's face.

Glenn: No. Whoa shit.

Rob Thomas: Wait. Wait, listen, listen, you're gonna get outta here. Sinbad read your book. And he loved it.

Glenn: Yeah, of course. He loved the book. It's a great book.

Rob Thomas: I mean, No, no, you don't get it. He's gonna kill you. And then he's gonna write his own story. He's using your erotic legacy.

Glenn: That son of a bitch. He'll never get away with it.

Rob Thomas: Sinbad gets what Sinbad wants. Now come on, let's go out the window.

Glenn: Wait, but wait, Rob Thomas, what about you? I mean, what, what are you gonna do when Sinbad finds out you helped me?

Rob Thomas: Don't worry about me, man. I'll be just fine.

Glenn: Okay.

Meg: I've seen this.

Charlie: So yeah, we might have put it in, like-

Glenn: We did. We put it in the DVD, DVD extra.

Meg: I had the DVDs for the first, like, five seasons, so I bet I've seen it on that. I-- also, there is a Dennis Reynolds, like, short film where he reads from his erotic memoirs.

Charlie: Yeah. That was on the behind-the-scene stuff we started shooting.

Meg: Yeah. We've got that. I forgot about-- send that to you guys.

Glenn: How upsetting was that?

Meg: It's-it's less funny than the episode.

Dennis: Welcome to another installment of Dennis Reynolds's An Erotic Life. Let us turn erotically to another installment of Dennis Reynolds's An Erotic Life. Chapter one, Memoirs with a Geisha.

Glenn: The least funny stuff in the episode, in my opinion, is-is all of the erotic memoir stuff, and the funniest stuff is-

Meg: I disagree.

Glenn: -is just- I-I mean, I don't know. It's- it's like--

Charlie: Oh no, the memoirs are funny. The-- it's so funny. This Sinbad stuff is probably less funny to us because we know it's coming. I think if you like, when you don't know it's coming and you're like, What the fuck is Sinbad and Rob Thomas? What are they doing in this show? I think it's funny.

Glenn: No, I like the Sinbad stuff. I-I met more of the funny.

Charlie: Sinbad's great, by the way.

Glenn: Sinbad's amazing.

Sinbad: Yo, punk.

Glenn: Oh-

Sinbad: Wake up.

Glenn: What the hell?

Sinbad: Yeah, you in hell, right? What? You know what my name is Sinbad? This is Sinbad's house. When you in Sinbad house, you my bitch.

Glenn: Uh-

Sinbad: Yeah. You know that is huh? That's Rob Thomas Matchbox 20. Sing a song. Shut up.

Meg: I also like the little detail, by the way, that I-I noticed on this viewing that, when you put your hands up, Glenn, you have very clearly two different stigmata wounds suggesting that Charlie-- that, um, Mac and Frank couldn't agree and so did one of each. [laughs]

Rob: They did both.

Glenn: One of each.

[laughter]

Glenn: Yeah, that's a nice little easter egg for people watching. By-by the way, we tried to get Bon Jovi for this one, um, and we tried to use-- we tried to get Bovine Joni himself, um, to do this with us, I think, through Danny, because, you know, we've used Danny a couple times for that. Um, you know, we're-- had Danny reach-- it's like, you know, Bon Jovi's a jersey guy, and he was-- or no, that was-- the that was the-- that comes later. That was the Bruce Springsteen thing, when we almost--

Rob: Bruce Springsteen was going to do it.

Charlie: He was going to do it.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah, but I don't think-- I don't know that Bovine Joni ever even got back to us about it.

Manager: So Mr. Reynolds, you're interested in buying our arena football team?

Frank: Big time, but I wanna do business with Mr. Vaughn Joni himself.

Manager: Bon Jovi.

Frank: Yeah, Mr. Bovine Joni himself.

Charlie: Ma'am, I am dying a very terminal cancer, and I would like to request a private bedside concert from Mr. Bon Jovi. Now Sambora's presence is not necessary, but it would be nice if he was involved. Question, is this laser pointer?

Manager: Yes.

Charlie: Can I have it?

Manager: No.

Frank: Don't. Please, don't listen anything he says.

Charlie: No, no, no Frank-Frank--

Frank: I'll give you $16 million for the team.

Charlie: Frank, thank you- thank you. I got it. We're talking about cancer. Nobody cares about winning football anymore.

Frank: We're negotiating.

Charlie: We're not negotiating shit. We're on to the cancer thing now, and that is the way that it's gonna go from here.

Manager: Okay, I'm just gonna throw this out there, I don't think you have cancer.

Charlie: What? What are you- what are you talking about? No, that's- that's chemo- that's chemotherapy right there.

Manager: And for the record, when you go through chemo, your beard hair falls out too.

Charlie: Are you sure? I asked a lot of people. I asked my bald cap guy.

[crosstalk]

Frank: I told you not to do the cancer thing.

Charlie: But then it was working until you got in with the bullshit numbers. Goddamnit. You know, I'm not even really bald, I have a full head of hair, not like him. There's a lot of just screaming at each other in this episode. There's not a lot of levels, you know. D and I are just hollering at each other the whole time. The stand-up comedy sequence so-- it's also really funny. So, I don't go to a therapist, I just go to bars. If you walk them to the nearest drunk guy and bump them from behind, he always turns around goes, "Hey, man, what's your problem?" I was the best-- This guy is great. Do you come here every night? Every night? Oh, this is great. Do they have food too? Because I could go for some food.

Dee: No, no, no food. I don't eat while I'm here.

Charlie: Well, when do you eat?

Dee: I don't.

Charlie: Why don't you eat dinner, Dee? You gotta eat dinner sometime?

Dee: It's because when you perform, your nerves make you dry heave and you better hope that you don't have any food in your stomach.

Charlie: You're gonna perform?

Show Host: All right. Now this next lady y'all know because she's here almost every night. Let's hope she's got some new jokes this time. Everybody put your hands together for Diandra Reynolds.

[applause]

Dee: Howdy, howdy, howdy. How's everybody doing tonight? So, you guys, what's the deal with those hands-free headsets that everybody's wearing in their ears, right? [dry heaves] It's like, "Hey, everybody, look at me I'm one part robot and three parts asshole." [dry heaves]

Charlie: Jesus Christ.

Dee: If I read a better [dry heaves] script.

Glenn: I laughed so hard at all the- all the dry heaving stuff. I, like, completely forgot how funny that was, and I- I didn't think anything was going to top Dee's thing, but then your- your dry heave-

[laughter]

Glenn: -at the very end is-- like, just destroyed me.

Meg: It's just yelling.

Charlie: You have any cheese? Cheese is a funny thing, cheese is a strange thing. I always wonder, like, where-- what is cheese? where does it go? [dry heaves]

Rob: That's all put in post, right? I mean, that was-- didn't he make that sound?

Glenn: Well, that-- yeah, like, he made--

Charlie: We, like, doubled it- we like doubled it up, and, like, yeah, did the whole thing.

Glenn: Yeah, we added something to it. We also added the-the first thing that Wendy's for-- on her first thing, we added that [burp sound] like the burp noise.

Charlie: Kaitlin's such a good dry heaver. It-- she just does it really well.

Glenn: What is that? Like--

Charlie: Then Pat Walsh is great as a- as a-- so, you know-- Did Pat write this episode, or no? He was just on our writing staff at the time.

Glenn: Yeah, he was on the staff.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah. He was on the staff, but no he didn't.

Charlie: Also, he plays the, uh, the MC.

[crosstalk]

Rob: Roberto Rad, who I just ran into, uh, for the first time since then, so that was like 13 years ago. That was two weeks ago, he came up. That guy,--

Charlie: The first stand-up.

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: Oh.

Charlie: Two weeks ago.

Rob: This-this guy-- I was at someone's house, and this man comes over to me and says, "I was in an episode of Sunny." It was- it was that man, but he also went to high school with Charlie.

Charlie: He did. What a name. Roberto Rad.

Meg: Who screamed, uh, "Jesus Christ" from off-screen when he was queuing?

Glenn: I think that was Tim Roach.

Meg: Was it? Your editor?

Glenn: Yeah. I think that was our editor.

Charlie: Yeah, every now and then those are like editing add-ins, right? Where we're in the editing room, and we're like--

Glenn: Jesus Christ.

[laughter]

Rob: We are supported by Athletic Greens.

Glenn: Yeah, that's right. And as you know, I take AG1 every single day, primarily because it's- it's lifestyle friendly, no matter what diet I'm on and at a given moment because I want- I want an optimized immune system, okay? Especially for this time of year.

Charlie: Well, right, 'cause Halloween's right around the corner.

Glenn: Uh, yes, that's true, but I'm talking about flu season being right around the corner. I'm-- I don't need my immune system.

Charlie: Okay. All right.

Rob: AG1 does contain less than one gram of sugar. No GMOs, no nasty chemicals, and nothing artificial. So, ostensibly, you could take it and still save your daily sugar allotment for candy.

Glenn: Okay. I'm- I'm not- I'm not eating any candy, and I'm also not talking about Halloween. I'm talking about viral infections, and I'm trying to keep this temple immaculate so that I can fight them

Charlie: Well, Athletic Greens constantly updates AG1 based on the latest science and third-party testing. So you're smart to fend off those germs and all those crowded costume shops, crowded haunted houses, crowded parties.

Rob: Charlie's throwing a Halloween party this year.

Charlie: Yeah, I'm gonna have a punch bowl of AG1 at the party.

Glenn: Okay. Well let me look at my calendar, 'cause that sounds pretty good.

Rob: To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com/sunny.

Charlie: Again, that's athletic greens.com/sunny to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.

[music]

Glenn: And now, word from our sponsor, Better Help.

Charlie: Look, it's tough to train your brain to stay in problem-solving mode, but once you learn how to do it, there's no better feeling. And, sometimes, you need a good teacher to help get you there. Like a- like a therapist.

Glenn: Yeah. I mean, therapists can open you up to thought strategies that will make it easier to accomplish your goals, no matter how big or small they may be,

Rob: It's like they teach you Jedi mind tricks.

Glenn: Sure. I mean, you don't learn like telekinesis. But, listen, guys, if you're- if you're looking to try therapy, Better Help is a great option. I mean, I've- I've had great experiences with therapists. Honestly, they taught me tips and tricks that I think about every single day. And I no longer feel stressed like I used to.

Rob: Like you'd feel if you were stuck hanging upside down on an ice planet.

Glenn: Um, okay, look, whatever childhood epic fantasy we're drawing from here, just know that Better Help is convenient, accessible, affordable, and entirely online.

Charlie: And switch therapists anytime you can. [laughs]

Rob: When you wanna be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit better help.com/sunny today to get 10% off your first month.

Glenn: That's betterhelp.com/sunny.

Rob: One thing that was so funny to write and perform was, uh, Danny and I in the movie theater just trying to be the most obnoxious people that could ever possibly be in a movie theater and to do everything that everybody has, at one point, experienced in a movie theater, a movie theater, but, like, put them all into one or two people was really fun.

Danny: On his eyes.

Rob: Shine it on his dick. Shine it on his. [laughs] That's me. That's my phone. I'm sorry that's me. Hey dude. Where have you been?

Glenn: I'm in rehab, dude.

Rob: Oh yeah. Hey, that whole Jovi thing went south. So I think we're just gonna scrap the whole book ordeal.

Glenn: What are you talking about?

Rob: I got another call, buddy.

Glenn: No, no, no. No don't--

Rob: Hello.

Terry: Bill, what's up?

Rob: Who are you looking for?

Terry: Oh, who's this?

Rob: Oh, this is Mac. You got the wrong number.

Terry: Oh, my bad.

Rob: Yeah, no, it's- it's no problem. What number were you trying to call?

Terry: The other guy?

Danny: Hello?

Glenn: Frank, you gotta get me outta here, man.

Danny: Where are you?

Glenn: I'm in rehab. Goddamnit.

Danny: Well, I'm in a movie, and this bro's about to get naked, so I gotta go.

Glenn: No, no, no.

Rob: And the person who was calling, Terry, uh, do you remember who that is?

Charlie: Is he the ball cap guy? The way-- the-- Or is it--

Rob: No, no. Who-who-who was actually playing? Well, it's a random call, that was, like, part of the joke, he said.

Charlie: Oh, that's right. It's a random call.

Rob: He calls looking for Bill, and then I mistake him for Bill, and then it turns out he's Terry. And then we make arrangements to chat after-after the movie. He's just a-a random guy, but do you know who--

Charlie: And by the way, you and Danny have a chemistry in that scene, which is-- I feel like we haven't played that energy a lot, and it's really funny.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: It's uh--

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: You're very combative with him in a fun way.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Um, do you know--

Rob: Do you remember what-what actor- what actor was playing Terry on the other end?

Glenn: No clue. No clue.

Rob: I'm almost 100% sure-

Charlie: Rosell, Rob Rosell?

Rob: -that that is-- that that is Glenn. I think that that is Glenn with a modulated voice.

Glenn: Uh-huh.

Rob: I'm almost positive. I can tell-- I can-can tell by the delivery. Yeah. I thought it was some chick.

Danny: Who are you talking to?

Rob: I'm talking to Bill. And anyway, so--

Danny: Bill.

Rob: Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's Terry. Sorry about that Terry. Anyway, these cat people-

Danny: Terry?

Rob: -because I kept calling them.

Danny: What number did he want?

Rob: Will you please shut up?

Terry: What's up?

Rob: Yeah, I got some dick in a movie theater giving me shit.

Danny: Why did you turn around like that?

Rob: Yeah. Nice talking to you. All right. I'll talk to you afterwards, bye.

Glenn: Yeah-yeah, he's not, it's not that dissimilar to the guy that I played, um, when the guy was trying to check his voicemails in that "Sweet Dee has a heart attack" episode, and he calls in, and you answer the phone [chuckles] in his office. That was-that was also just a voice-modulated version of me.

Charlie: You guys can, yeah, Glenn, you can change your voice in a way that someone won't recognize it. I feel like.

Glenn: Maybe, I don't know. I-I-I think I can, but then I do it, and then I'm like, "Ah, it sounds exactly like me still, somehow." [laughs]

Rob: Well, you guys didn't even realize that that was Glenn in the episode, and you just watched it.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: You don't really hear the other voice, though, that well, it's, like, turned down, but you're, yeah, right. You're right.

Rob: I-- You can hear- you can hear it. Well, let's-- we'll put it in the pod and people can see if they can determine--

Glenn: They can determine for themselves, but-but what you were saying about the obnoxiousness of those people in the-- Like, that was so-- I feel like that's a question we're constantly answering on It's Always Sunny and the ques-- and the answer-- the-the question is always "Who does that?" You know what I mean? Like, when you go through life and you see people like act a certain way, you're like, "Who the fuck? Who acts this way? Who does this?" And It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, is the answer to that question.

[laughter]

You know what I mean? That's-- It's-it's-it's been- it's been such a delight to, uh, purge that, uh, for myself because I've been in movie theaters where people are basically doing exactly what you guys are doing. And I'm like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Charlie: Uh, did I tell the story on the podcast about going to see The Thin Red Line, and the guy's on the phone the whole time just talking about what's on the screen and is blowing on his popcorn?

Meg: No. [chuckles]

Glenn: No, no, no. [chuckles]

Charlie: It's the weirdest thing. So like, I'm-I'm in New York City, I'm Union Square, I'm seeing the thin red line in the theater. It's a pretty packed theater and, uh, and this guy's on the phone, and he's just, like, describing what's on the movie to his buddy. Like, he's, like, kind of talking. He is sitting right behind me. I'm going crazy. I'm getting- I'm getting pissed-- so pissed off, right? And, uh, for me, which is, you know, it's like, uh, the feelings are so deep down, they're actually coming up. And, um, but he's-he's also big and too scary. I can't-- there's nothing I can do about it. [laughs]

Uh, you know, he'll pummel me in an instant. Uh, but he's like, you know, he's like, he's on his phone, and he's got this weird habit of blowing on his popcorn. So he picks up his popcorn. He's like, [nibbles loudly] "Yeah, I'm-- Dude, on the screen? I don't know, it's like a monkey right now. [blows]"

[laughter]

Charlie: Every piece, one at a time, and, uh, "You know, ah, this is fucking weird. There's like two monkeys," and I'm like, "What the fuck is this guy doing? Well, the-the movie is, is so, like, powerful about, like, I don't even remember now, like, acceptance and peace and love, or whatever it is, that, like, by the end, I'm like, "This-- That man is the most beautiful man. I love him. I love him blowing on his popcorn." Uh, and it didn't bug me at all. But there's the craziest thing. I've never seen a guy, like, blowing on his popcorn and talking through the whole movie.

Glenn: I-I--

Charlie: There's not a good payoff for that story. I wish there is-- it should be a better-- There isn't.

Meg: Well, did-- you didn't confront him?

Charlie: Fuck, no.

Glenn: Why wouldn't you? You could always go tell on him-you could always go tell on him. You know, just tattletale on him.

Charlie: The guy looked like a- like a heavyweight, you know, WWE, I don't know.

Rob: Like he was looking, he was in there looking for someone to respond to him so that he could do something.

Glenn: I think so.

Rob: Yeah-yeah.

Charlie: I don't think so.

Glenn: I think so.

Charlie: No, I-I think he was on his own- on his own thing.

Glenn: I think-I think he was ready to-- I think he's-he's-- that's the kind of person who's like, "I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want because I wanna get in a fight."

Charlie: Wait, you guys wanna hear something funny?

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Going back to the changing your voice thing. When I was, uh, really-- feeling really sick, I recorded my voice, 'cause, for whatever reason, when I have a really bad cold, my-- I can get my voice super low in a way that I can't ever get it. You wanna hear it?

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Sure.

Charlie: We can cut it out if this doesn't play funny, but, wait, listen to this. Huh? "And, um, when I get a cold. I can get my voice down low. Um, normally, I can't. Um, but if I have a cold, I didn't, for whatever reason, I can get it down really low."

[laughter]

Charlie: Isn't that crazy?

Glenn: Why'd you turn into a southern person> It's funny, you just turned into a southern guy too.

Charlie: I'm doing a bit.

Glenn: I don't know if I'm allowed to tell this story, but [clears throat] I have a friend who is uh, practicing, um, his James Earl-- James Earl Jones impersonation for a-for a gig where he, he was trying to basically do James Earl Jones' voice, and he was like-- he's like, "I have to do it. I have-- every time I record, I have to do it first thing in the morning, right when I wake up. Um, and then for the rest of the day, I can't do it just 'cause it's the only time I can get that deep, is first thing in the morning." Hmm. That's a good story. Um, so--

Meg: [laughs] You guys are telling the best stories today.

Rob: Wait, so, okay. Let's try a little experiment just 'cause, uh, let's-let's-- we'll let's put some energy into the pod. Two stories were told, and, by the way, great attempts. You're trying to- you're trying to find content for the- for the pod, but they didn't have great endings. Now I wonder if you could retell the story but make up an ending, just make up a completely different ending. So if, Charlie, whatever might have happened in the movie theatre--

Charlie: I'm not a liar, Rob.

Rob: Well, but it could be fun to cut it into the podcast, have you tell that incr-incredible story, and then we rewind back-

Glenn: I got one.

Rob: -and it turns out that we-- yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Glenn: Okay, so here we go.

Rob: Yeah.

Charlie: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: [crosstalk] All right. So I've got- I've got a friend and I'm- I'm not gonna say who it is or why, uh, he was doing this but he had to do James Earl Jones' voice. So he's practicing doing James Earl Jones' voice. He has a very distinct voice, James Earl Jones, as we all know, and it's very very deep and the only time that my friend could ever get it to sound like actual James Earl Jones was when he first woke up in the morning. This is the only time he could record James Earl Jones' voice was right-- first thing in the morning, then the rest of the day he couldn't do that anymore. And then- and then I bought myself a muffin, and I ate it. And it was delicious.

Charlie: Very good, okay, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try. So- so I'm in the movie theatre with a guy, right? He's blowing on his popcorn, he's talking on the- on the- on the fucking thing--

Glenn: Unbelievable.

Charlie: Right, and- and then he--

Rob: I think I already know where it's going [chuckles]. Go on, sorry.

Charlie: No, no, no. He-- Eventually, he's like, "Hang on I'm gonna put you on speaker 'cause he wants to eat more than like one piece of popcorn.

Glenn: Yeah, yeah.

Charlie: And he's got the other guy on speaker, and I hear the other guy blowing a popcorn. And he's-- and-and the guy is like, "Hey, what are you doing?" He goes, "Yeah, you blowing on popcorn?" He goes, "Where are you?" He goes, "I'm in a movie." They're both in the movie theater talking to each other.

Glenn: Did you get a muffin?

Charlie: And then-- Oh, yeah, and then I look under the seat, what's there? Free muffin.

Glenn: Yeah, that's always the best ending is when there's a muffin at the end for you to eat. Like, that's- that's what I'd find as always.

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: The most satisfying ending.

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: Um, how's that Rob? Did that-that work for you? That--

Rob: I thought you were gonna say that you were-- you've eventually had enough, and you told this guy to fucking shut up and he- and he stood up and he turned around, he was looming over you, and he was scary as shit. And he was backlit, so you couldn't really get a good look at him until the house lights came up and you realized it was James Earl Jones.

Glenn: Whoa. Oh my God.

Charlie: Yeah. Crazy, man.

Glenn: Crazy, man, James Earl Jones would-

Charlie: Crazy shit.

Glenn: -never do something like that. He would never do-- So he's got too much class, James Earl Jones.

Charlie: He would never do that, this guy is a classic guy. Let's talk about that bald cap you're wearing in the episode.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: That's a-a real look.

Rob: It's a real look, and I remember --

Charlie: Is it because you- you had on too much hair to really get it flat so you get that kind of like--

Rob: The coneheads look?

Charlie: What's the most fascinating look is the bald cap with the [chuckles] toupee on top.

[laughter]

Rob: Yeah, and I remember we-we-we were shooting in Philly obviously at the-- at Logan Circle there, um-- or Logan Square I believe it's called. And, um- and I remember the next morning getting a bunch of calls and texts from people saying, "Rob, Rob, you're in a newspaper, you're in the newspaper," and, "you're in the Inqy," which is the Philadelphia Inquirer and sure enough--

Glenn: The Inky.

Rob: And sure enough, uh, on-on the front page, down in the- in the lower left-hand side, it was telling the story about how we were shooting in Philly. And they used a photograph of Danny and I walking. And I'm wearing the bald cap, but with no context whatsoever. I'm wearing the bald cap and the wig. And so many people were like, "What's-- Are you okay? Are you okay?"

[laughter]

Rob: "What's wrong with you?"

Charlie: "Do you have malaria or something? What's going on?"

Rob: Yeah, you know and that's- that's the one they went with. No context whatsoever. I-I remember it just said-

Charlie: Yeah.

Rob: -"Danny DeVito and unknown actor walking through the streets of Philadelphia."

Glenn: [laughs] Yeah that's always fun, too, is it? And-and in your hometown, too, where all your friends and-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: - family can see it.

Rob: Sure.

Glenn: And-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, and at a point where we could have probably really used some good press.

Rob: Yeah, you know.

Charlie: Sure.

Meg: I've got some, um, good photos of you directing or not directing, but like being behind camera with that bald cap on like, um, talking to Rob Thomas and stuff. I'll put them in the pod. You must have worn it all day when you were like not shooting.

Rob: Yeah, 'cause once-once that thing goes on, it's- it's hard to take- it's hard to take off, so you just kind of keep it on and shoot as much as you can.

Glenn: That's- that's why, uh, if you did whole movie of it you just gotta shave your head. Take it from me. Um--

Rob: I thought the erotic tales was really funny. I-I enjoyed you reading th--

Charlie: Me, too.

Rob: They-they definitely made me laugh.

Charlie: Me, too, her breasts were awesome.

[laughter]

Glenn: I think- I think--

Rob: Your balls totally rule.

Charlie: Yeah, it's just funny how he goes from the eloquent to just blunt.

Glenn: Yeah, uh, uh, it just kind of makes me, uh, wanna throw up a little bit.

[laughter]

Glenn: I think it's- I think it's like I-I-- I think it's like-

Charlie: [crosstalk] joke.

Glenn: -I, um-- I don't wanna be- I don't wanna be associated with that man, you know, Dennis Reynolds. I don't want people to think that I'm- that I'm that person, you know, but that's my cross to bear, you know. Yeah. That's my cross to bear.

Charlie: Guys. I'm sorry, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Rob: Oh, wow.

Charlie: I-- Yeah, I'm sorry. [crosstalk]

Rob: A one or- one or two?

Meg: It's a vintage.

Charlie: Hey, mind your own business, man. Uh, all three.

Rob: All three. What's up Glenn?

Glenn: I don't know.

Rob: Meg, anything?

Meg: No guys, I got nothing. I'm halfway to a nervous breakdown right now.

Glenn: Oh yeah. Why is it- why is that?

Rob: It's-it' the dog.

Meg: Yay.

Rob: That fucking dog.

Meg: You're just jealous because I pay attention to anything that isn't you. Look at how cute she is.

[laughter]

Glenn: It's like a Star Wars creature.

Rob: Oh, yeah. Look at her.

Glenn: Meg, why are you halfway to a nervous breakdown? What's going on over there?

Meg: I Just had like a series of-- I don't know, like everything's been hard lately. Yesterday, uh, there was some sort of water main break on the street outside, and we didn't have any water in my house from 6:00 AM to about 7:00 PM at night.

Rob: Oh.

Meg: Um, and I had picked that day to go on like a long run. So I went out and did like six miles, and then I came home and all I wanted was a fucking shower. And there was not only no water in my house, but like, no running water. I can't even have like a glass of water, uh, you know, and--

Glenn: Drink a tap water. What, uh- what do you mean?

Meg: Well, no, but yeah, but like, even the filtered water-

Rob: Right.

Meg: -that I have runs through the-- the tap water runs through a filter. And so there's just no water coming out. And it's just been like a series of stuff like that this week where like everything that can go wrong does go wrong. So th-this is boring for the pod. Nobody cares about my--

Glenn: [crosstalk]

Rob: I don't think so. I think people want to hear- I think people want to hear about trials and tribulations.

Glenn: Well, see, this is the problem, though. We've already- we've already established that we're not allowed to really, truly complain about anything in our lives because, uh, you know- uh, because we're-- So many other people are less fortunate than us. And, uh, so we're, uh-- you know, uh, look and listen, I got a lot of stuff I complain about.

Rob: Okay, let's get into that. What's-what-- if you had to complain- if-if you had to complain about three things, that's all you had, just three things, what would they be? And no particular order 'cause we can ramp up.

Meg: And you can complain about the number of things that Rob has allowed you to complain about. That could be one of them. But that seems like wasting--

Rob: Well, I'm just trying to put some structure into it, Meg, I thought you would appreciate that.

Meg: No, I like that.

Glenn: Well, I do think that I-I-I do think that uh, uh, no matter what level you are in your life, uh, you know, financially or whatever, um, there's always gonna be some shit to complain about. You know what I mean? Right. I mean, I think e-everybody can agree on that. I think it's just a matter of like, um, whether or not you decide to share those things, you know?

Uh, because it's, you know, like the other day when I was telling the story about how I broke my toe 'cause, you know, my buddy and I were headed down to my office, and Jill came out of her office. And we established that we've got two offices in our house. It's like once-once you establish you've got two offices in your house and, you know, you're just like, "I-I can't- I-I can't- I can't complain about anything, man. Like, I really can't. I can't." Not in public.

Rob: Oh, okay. So, okay, so number one is that you're complaining about not being able to complain. That's great. That's a good start.

Glenn: I'm not complaining about not being able to complain. I actually understand why. Um, but you know, it's-- you know, I-I do like to complain and-and it does- it does hurt that I can't. [chuckles]

Rob: You can complain.

Glenn: I like to-- I can complain. I could complain about things like the way people park their cars and how it affects- and-

Rob: Yeah.

Glenn: -how it affects me. You know what I mean? 'Cause like that-

Rob: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -that's- that-that's universal. You know what I mean? Now, if my projector breaks down in my theater room in my house, I probably can't complain about that.

Rob: Well, you could. You could. But you know, you just keep it off the air.

Glenn: Yeah. Yeah.

Rob: It's all about who you complain to.

Glenn: Yeah.

Meg: Here-here's something I can complain about. When I was doing my run the other day, I got like body shamed by this person that told me to wear some clothes. I was like running around, and I haven't-- I've been doing these longer runs. It's super hot outside. So for the first time in my entire life I was running with like a sports bra and like then leggings, but like no tank top on 'cause it was like cooler-

Glenn: Sure.

Meg: -that way. And this woman, I ran past her and she goes "Wear some clothes." And I was like, "You're in Los Angeles. This is- this is like dowdy for Los Angeles." Like, uh--

Rob: Wow.

Charlie: How old?

Meg: Oh, 60s, probably. Yeah.

Charlie: Next time just- next time just yell--

Rob: She was threatened. She felt threatened. She was threatened.

Glenn: Next time yell back-

Charlie: Yeah, she felt that.

Glenn: -yell back, "I-I hope you die. I hope you die today. Less of you on this Earth."

Meg: [laughs] "Burn in a fire." Yeah.

Glenn: Well, like the-- You live in Los Angeles. Like, what? "Oh, I'm sorry. You've never been to the fucking beach. You've never been to the beach."

Meg: Yeah. And-and like, honestly what I was wearing like most women wear to brunch, like just a-a sports bra and like that's just like an LA staple. And I was actually wearing it to exercise during like the hottest part of the day. But, um, you know.

Glenn: There may only be five people on TikTok who wear more than that.

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: The-the balls on people though is like-

Meg: Love it.

Charlie: -a-a total stranger.

Meg: Yeah.

Glenn: Yeah.

Charlie: Like you don't know like that-- Like, you could turn-

Meg: I was--

Charlie: -around and just beat her to death with a rock. 'Cause you could be a deranged lunatic.

Rob: But it's- it is amazing how much- how much women have to deal with-- Like Meg is always telling these stories to my sister 'cause she runs a lot and Kaitlin, how often they have to like hear from anybody, whether it's m-ma-male or female. And I don't think I've ever-- I don't think anybody's ever yelled anything at me when I was running. Ever.

Meg: Yeah.

Rob: Right. Have you ever been like yelled at while you're walking down the street or running? I don't think that's ever happened.

Glenn: No. But I'm- no, but I'm like that guy in the movie theater with Charlie. Like, I-I want- I want it- I want it to-- Any excuse to-

Meg: Nobody--

Glenn: -just absolutely unleash on somebody is-is-is-- would be terrific. You know what mean?

Rob: And people can sense that.

Meg: Well, I wi--

Rob: Yeah. They can sense that

Meg: I wish that you would get the experience, which I and many women have had so many times of having a man stop you on the street to tell you to smile. Which is so like-- just a joy of-of women's lives to be like-- just wander around with a neutral expression and have a man stop you and be like, "Hey," you know, like, the best line ever heard is, "You forgot your smile, baby. Like-- and you're like, "N-no, I didn't. I just have a neutral face because I'm just walking down the street and living my life."

Glenn: Yeah, Yeah. Unfortunately-

Charlie: Um--

Meg: -my neutral fans, I'm always- I'm always like, think- I'm always like thinking about stuff. Like I-- you know, I'm just always like thinking or I'm-I'm like in my head about something and then, you know, I walk into a room, and-and I don't realize that I have this expression on my face. You know what I mean?

[laughter]

Charlie: It's a [crosstalk] back and forth.

Glenn: 'Cause I'm thinking. And then-- and-and I-I walk into a room and of course inevitably, somebody- you know, somebody's like, "Hey man, are you- are you okay?" And I'm like, "Huh, Yeah, I'm fine. Well, you interrupted my--" you know, and then I seem like I'm not okay.

Rob: And you-you hate when people-- You have established that you hate when people ask you if you're okay.

Glenn: I-- It irritates the shit out of me. I'm like fucking-- Just-just do-- just why--" I don't know. I know it shouldn't fucking irr-- Why does that irritate me? Break it down for me, Rob. Like can you explain why that irritates me? So I hate it when people ask me if I'm okay.

Rob: Uh, uh, yes. I-I-I-I think I-I have a theory. I have a theory.

Glenn: "Are you okay? Are you- are you okay?"

Rob: I think if I- if I were to pull you aside and say, "Glenn, can I talk to you for a second?" In fact, I have done this before. And-and I say- and I say-

Glenn: Yeah.

Rob: -"You seem upset, uh, or agitated or in pain," or whatever it might be, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you? Would you like to talk about it?" You are very receptive to that.

Glenn: Yes.

Rob: Very receptive.

Glenn: Indeed. Indeed.

Rob: If someone walks up to you and you seem annoyed or angry, upset or whatever and just goes, "What's wrong? Are you- are you all right?" It-- The implication is that I don't care actually how you feel. You're bringing an energy into a room that I actually find repulsive, and I'm gonna call you out on it.

Charlie: That's what it is.

Glenn: Okay. You have just-- Yes. You've just- you've just put the-- put your finger on it. I think that's exactly what it is. I'm like- I'm like, "What the fuck does whatever I'm thinking about or what's going on with me have to do with you? You do you, and I'll do me. Uh, just fuck off." Like, "Uh, and if you wanna be in a good mood, great. Be in a good mood and guess what? You're gonna lift me up. and I'll be in a good mood in five seconds. I'm not even in a bad mood, but now I am." But that's the problem. It's like-- 'Cause usually-usually it really is me just like thinking about something and-and I'm not in a bad mood, and then the person puts me in a bad mood by asking me if I'm in a bad mood. That's the irony of it, it's like, they've done the opposite that--

Charlie: Right. But the implication isn't, "Can I help you?" The implication is, "Hey, change your mood 'cause it's bothering me."

Glenn: It's-- yeah, yeah, yeah. You're affecting- you're affecting my mood. And I'm like-

Charlie: Mm.

Glenn: -"I shouldn't have that much power over you." I should-- I mean-

Charlie: Mm.

Glenn: -I understand why I do. I'm a very powerful presence. I'm a powerful man. I bring a powerful energy into the room, and I get that. I just don't want that burden.

Charlie: Mm. Yeah.

Rob: And actually, "I subconsciously respect you less for elevating me to that specific status."

Glenn: Absolutely. 100%. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't- because I don't stri- I don't strive for that. I don't wanna be the person who, you know, walks into a room and, you know, affects everybody's mood. But as you've had to pull me aside, when we were-- you know, as o- as our working relationship, you pulled me aside. I remember specifically somewhere around Season 6, I started to lose my mind. Um, 'cause I was like, "Wha-what is my-- Is my life now just this show? Like, what is my life?" You know, I had so many other things I wanted to do. Um, and I just was having like a little bit of like a-a crisis.

And, um- and I was bringing a really kind of like just sour energy, I think, to the set. And, you know, you pulled me aside because you were like, "Look, I get it. You're going through some shit like-- And we can talk about it, and I'm happy to-- You know, we can talk about it, uh, whenever you want. Um, but you should just know," and I-I like that you put it this way 'cause you weren't telling me-- uh, you were-- you were just telling-- you were basically saying like, "You should just know that because you're the boss on this show, or one of the bosses on this show, people are going to be affected by your mood, and that's just how it is."

Like, "You-- Whatever energy you bring to set, people are gonna be like, 'oh, oh, oh--'" You know, because already with, you know, the actors on a show, they-- everybody feels like they have to accommodate that person because if the actor's in a bad place and the actor's in a bad mood, you're fucked. Like, you know, the guy lighting a scene can be in a bad mood and still light the scene well, but I can't be in a bad mood and play a happy person or be in a-a really- really mood and-- you know, and be funny. So all of a sudden everybody's like, "Oh, okay. I have to--" You know, everybody's walking on eggshells. And so, you know, that's-that's what you were pointing out to me and I was like, "Yep, you're right. You're 100% right."

Rob: Yeah. But there's a way-- I-I'm sure, like prior to that, I probably exacerbated any given situation if you were to walk in like that, and I probably did a version of, "What's wrong with you? Suck it up." And like k-- and that's never gonna work, right?

Glenn: No, no.

Rob: It doesn't- it doesn't-- That's not the way human beings are. You have to meet people where they are, and then- and then accept what the reality of the situation is, and then help them, you know, find whatever conclusion they're going to find. But like, still, like setting boundaries in a safer environment as opposed to just confronting somebody with how you feel about the way that they feel, which is never gonna work. But there is still a version of that conversation that gets across the same information, but that's just more empathetic and compassion.

Glenn: Well, it's also- it's also-- I've noticed--

Charlie: All three of us have been in that position, too, I think, um-

Glenn: Yeah, absolutely.

Charlie: -over the course of doing this show, where I think just had-- Whether it's like-- I don't know about a whole season maybe, but like days or episodes or weeks in the writer's room, it's usually just in the writer's room because--

Glenn: Not you, though, Ch-Charlie. Like, as you've established, you just stuff it all down. I--

Charlie: I do stuff most of it down, but I think there's- there's been times like in the last few seasons where I, you know, have been just like burned out or something, and we've called each other out on--

Glenn: You get a little snippy, a little irritable or-or easily-easily-

Charlie: Yeah, for sure.

Glenn: -easily you're-- Yeah. Or like, easily offended or-or something like that. And-and, yeah, that's-that's happened to you, too, Rob, where like, yeah, you're like a little down and we have to- we have to talk about it. But-but the thing is- is like, again, it was a good way of communicating it because you didn't tell me what I had to do. You were basically just saying like, "Hey, just so you know, here's how your actions are making me feel. Here's how what you are doing is making us all feel." Um, you know what I mean? And then it's kind of like--

Rob: Well, I guess, you know, the-- When- when I have to take it seriously, it's like when I see both of you guys-- like when I- when I- when I see both of you come into a room at the same time and one of you says, "Hey, man, we gotta talk," and the door shuts. I'm like, "Oh, shit, this is real."

[laughter]

This is real because-- but neither one of these guys is big on confrontation, and yet they're confronting me about something. So this is a big deal. I already know that they've discussed it outside of the room about how to handle it. And I'm immediately put in a position of-- Again, this is coming from a place of respect. Uh, like, I'm-- I already know I've done something wrong that I need to apologize for. [chuckles] And then you guys let me know what it is, and then I take in the information and I'm almost 100% wrong, uh, every time. And then I apologize and try to do better next time, and we move forward.

Charlie: Each one of us has been put in the hot seat at one point or another being like, "Hey, man, X, Y, Z doesn't work for the other two of us, you know?" So, uh, uh-

Glenn: It's very healthy. It's--

Charlie: -take note of that. But the-the most healthy thing is that all three of us miraculously don't have that gene to not hear that, you know, where there's certain people that you could be a partner with who just would not hear it, would not hear. The other two people would be like, "Fuck you, I'm not doing this," and just couldn't take it. And I don't know what that is, but we- we take our lumps well.

Glenn: I think some of it-- some of it really is the approach. I think the three of us at least strive to be the kinds of people that can deliver that information without it, you know, just being offensive or without getting the person's defenses up, without, you know-- Like, you-you have to be able to communicate those things well, otherwise, you know-- 'Cause if- if Rob had just pulled me aside and been like, "Hey, dude, you're being a dick. You're being a fucking dick, and you need to stop," like that would not have worked. Like, I would not have been like, "Ah, you're right." Like, I-- that's not my personality.

My personality would've been like, "Hey, man, I'm going through some. Go fuck yourself." Like, yeah, I'm being a dick. Like it- it just would've made me more angry, you know what I mean? But because he communicated it well, it-it worked, and it was effective. And it-- and it did kind of melt me in that moment. Like I- I felt my defenses. I-I actually, weirdly also, you know, like, you know, in that moment felt seen, acknowledged, you know what I mean?

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: Like i-it was a- it was a- it was an acknowledgement that didn't put me on my heels, didn't make me defensive. And I-I-I mean, I-- There's no way that the three of us could have worked together for this long without, uh, having those moments, where we had to pull one person aside and be like, "Hey, what's going on? 'Cause, you know, this is what's happening, and this is how we see it, and it's-it's-- you know, we need to talk about it."

Rob: Well, this is all leading to the moment, Meg, where-where we have to- we have to talk to you. The three of us we've-we've talked off camera-

Charlie: Yeah.

Meg: Oh, yeah. Confront me.

Rob: -and this is the moment where we have to--

Meg: But see, I have a secret weapon which is, I'm comfortable crying in front of all of you, and I don't think you're as comfortable watching me cry as I am comfortable-- Well, Rob probably is at this point-

Glenn: Well, no, but that's what we wanted to-- that's actually what we wanna--

Charlie: I've never seen you cry, and I don't-

Meg: Yeah.

Charlie: -wanna see it.

Glenn: But that's what we wanted to talk to you about, Meg. We just want you to smile more. I mean, we just want-- we just wish you would-

Rob: Yeah, cry less, smile more.

Glenn: -sm-- just smile, it's so-

Meg: Mm-hmm.

Glenn: -you know, it's so nice when you smile.

Charlie: You forget your smile, honey.

Rob: Listen, whenever you feel sad, just smile and be glad and the feelings will go away.

[music]

Charlie: Today we are sponsored in part by Zelle. When anyone sends you money or if you need to get paid back, always ask for Zelle.

Glenn: Yeah, with Zelle, see, the money goes straight into your bank account. And it works even if the sender banks somewhere different from you in the US.

Meg: Oh, that's actually perfect because, um, you guys all owe me for the t-shirts from tour.

Charlie: What are you talking about? We-we owe you money?

Rob: We-we-we were paying for those?

Glenn: No. No.

Charlie: No.

Glenn: No.

Charlie: No. No.

Meg: Yeah. Yeah-yeah. Remember, um, that we decided beforehand that we were all gonna split the cost and-- It's okay 'cause you can just pay me back on Zelle, it'll be really simple and easy.

Rob: Uh, Meg, I think it's the-- We gotta bad, uh, Wi-Fi connection maybe it's-

Charlie: Yeah, something's off.

Glenn: Yeah, really did not catch that.

Rob: -it's just 'cause, I don't know-- yeah, I can't hear you anymore.

Glenn: Anyway, when you use Zelle, the money sent goes straight into your bank account typically in minutes between enrolled users.

Charlie: Plus Zelle is probably already in your banking app because it's in over 1,600 different banking apps in the US. So you don't have to download a new app.

Meg: You can just give me a check if you really want to. I just thought Zelle would be easier.

Glenn: I'm hearing something, but Meg, I'm not catching a lot of it, there's a terrible, uh--

Charlie: Okay, yeah, I'm also not hearing her.

Rob: In the meantime, listeners, look for Zelle in your banking app today.

[music]

Charlie: You know what's a crazy and maddening part of the experience? Is that there is no like one way to write an episode. There is like no correct way to do it. I-I don't know about you guys, I'm sure you feel the same way, where I'm going back, and I'm watching all the episodes, and I'm trying to-- I sort of watch everything analytically, right? Like, "What worked? What didn't work so much? How can we do better? How can I do better with this show?" Or other things that I might try to write. Um, uh, I-I can't-- I have a hard time ever turning that-- those questions off. But the truth is, I-I'm nowhere closer to an answer than when we- when we first started doing this show. Like, I don't really know why one episode of Sunny is a home run and another one is like, "Uh, not--" it doesn't quite add up. I haven't figured that out.

Meg: Are you guys excited to get back into the writers' room this year 'cause we're about to start in like a month.

Charlie: Yeah, actually, I had a couple of good ideas that I-I-I wrote some notes down that, um-

Glenn: Oh, thank God.

Charlie: -I won't say. But I'm excited to share with you guys.

Meg: Well, uh, are the-

Glenn: Oh, thank God.

Meg: -eight ideas that we can just turn into eight episodes and be done with it? [chuckles]

Charlie: It's one idea. [laughs] It's definitely one episode. So I'm excited to break it.

Rob: I'm excited about the prospect of bringing the podcast into the writers' room and having people take a look at how we start the show. It might be really fun to do a podcast episode that's soup to nuts an entire episode. An empty whiteboard with no ideas, how do we turn that into a f- a fully realized episode of Sunny and do a podcast about that. I think that could be kind of- kind of interesting.

Charlie: Yeah, that'd be interesting for sure.

Glenn: I wonder, could-could-- but we'd have to- we'd have to hold that probably until after we air the episode or no? You think we could actually-

Charlie: Yeah.

Glenn: -air that, I mean--

Charlie: But-but why not?

Rob: Yeah. Yeah maybe or-or-or we drop it in installments.

Meg: At the same time on Hulu. At the same time-

Glenn: Oh.

Meg: -that the episode comes out. We could do that. Uh--

Glenn: Well, uh, I've got no ideas, um, going into this next season. Uh, I'm terrified to go back in the writers' room. Uh, the first couple of days are always really fun 'cause we're just getting- you know, we're getting back in a room together and, you know, everybody's-- there's that energy is popping, you know, and we're making fun, uh, what everybody's wearing and, you know, their weird hats and hairdos and who's going gray and all that kind of stuff, and it's all fun and games. You know, it's--

Charlie: It's-it's better not to come in with ideas I feel like, because like they get stale, right? Like, if you have an idea-- like, those first couple of note cards like almost never get used, you know, like that--

Glenn: Yeah, but it kicks it off.

Charlie: -the first episode you break is always the one you're like, "Uh, that one." I don't know, like, uh--

Glenn: Yeah, it's like- its like, yeah, you've got all these great ideas for these great episodes, and then everybody's just like, "Yeah, but I kinda like the cat on the wall one."

Charlie: Yeah. Really, yeah. No.

Glenn: No, but you gotta come in with the-- I mean, it's just a-- They're all just jumping off points. You know what I mean? Uh, i-it's good to have some jumping off points. Meg, do you have ideas for this season?

Meg: Um, I have one idea, but I've already pitched it to you guys last season, which is just that, um, the-the gang--

Glenn: Oh, yeah, that's right I forgot. Oh, yeah.

Meg: But truly, I-I can't pitch things like this, but the thing I-- the podcast has made me wanna do is just more like really simple stories about like somebody w-wanting to be somebody's best friend or like, you know, like just this-- even this episode, the idea of just starting out with, um Charlie and Dee being like, "You couldn't walk a mile in my shoes," is such a funny jumping off point for like an episode, and it's so small. It's not like based on current events or like anything like that. I really enjoy that stuff. I guess I'm gonna endeavor to try to pitch stuff like that.

Charlie: Yeah, well, it's really funny, right, 'cause that's going back to what I was saying about like it's so hard to kinda crack-crack that nut, right? So like, uh, Mac and Dennis Break Up or whatever, such a funny episode. Like, uh, you know, these like really small personal ones that all take place on our sets and in our apartments can be so fun. And yet, uh, the one where we go to the waterpark is just fantastic or the Jersey Shore, right? So, you know, it's-it's just hard-- it's hard to know. I guess, you gotta do it all. You gotta-

Meg: Mm-hmm.

Charlie: -you gotta try different things. That's the th-- that's-that's the gig, right? We're just trying different things with these characters. And, um, hopefully, most of the time it works. And sometimes, uh-

Glenn: But we've tried them all.

Charlie: -you know, really, it's not as strong as the next one. But, uh, that's the beauty of television, you got the steps, uh, to go improve. Uh, why are you shaking your head? Rob's shaking his head.

Rob: Uh, 'cause Gl-- No. Gl-- Sorry, 'cause Glenn said we tried them all, but we haven't. We haven't-- we have- we have-- We're only halfway through the run, bud.

[music]

Glenn: Halfway through, yeah.

[End Credits]