On the pod, the guys revisit The Gang Gives Back from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 2, Episode 6.
Rob: Hi, guys.
Charlie: Hey, yo.
Rob: It's so good to see you.
Charlie: Yeah, sure.
Rob: No, I just saw you this morning on screen.
Charlie: Right.
Rob: Yep. I watched [crosstalk]--
Charlie: As-As did I, I-I watched it this morning.
Rob: Every time I'm-I'm astonished by the same things. Number one, Charlie looks exactly the same to me. I mean, sure, if you did a side-by-side [inaudible 00:00:19] [crosstalk]-
Charlie: Yeah, that's a generous [crosstalk]--
Rob: -but in my mind, that's what you look like.
Charlie: Sure.
Rob: And, Glenn is incredibly funny, like, in-in-in ways that I forget about and then I'm reminded of and then I'm reminded of it-- of being in the editing room and watching both of you guys and just being like, "What the fuck? How-How am I gonna catch up with these guys?"
Glenn: He's-He's unintentionally insulted both of us. Did you notice that? He said you look young but I'm funny.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: So, in other words, you look young but you weren't that funny.
Charlie: Yeah and [crosstalk]--
Glenn: And, I'm funny but I look like shit.
Charlie: But, you're looking old. Yeah.
Glenn: I'm starting to look old.
Rob: But, you know what it is.
[laughter]
Rob: That's a-- That's such a pessimistic way of looking at things.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. [inaudible 00:00:58] [crosstalk] I picked up on it too.
Rob: Did you? [laughs]
Glenn: I saw your face.
Charlie: I was like, "I'm pretty fucking funny in the episode, man."
Rob: You're unbelievably funny. My God. This is what it's like-- Listeners, this is what it's like working with these guys.
Glenn: No, it isn't.
Charlie: Uh, Rob.
Rob: They take no compliments, they turn them into-
Glenn: Insults.
Rob: -insults.
Charlie: But, in my mind, you guys are both those guys as well. So, even though we're much older and many, many years have passed, decades actually, um, uh, you guys-- that's-- those are the-- when I look at you, I see those two younger guys.
Rob: Yeah. That's interesting. I-I [crosstalk]--
Charlie: If I look closely, I-I-I see [laughs] there's a difference but [crosstalk]--
Glenn: You don't have to look that close.
[music]
Rob: I love this episode.
Charlie: Me too.
Glenn: Yeah, I-I-I really enjoyed it.
Charlie: You know what I really like? Just the beginning scene of us just sitting at the table and it feels loose and real in a way and conversational where-where we're just not going for any jokes too hard but it's also really funny but it's very natural.
Glenn: Well, and in that first scene, it was not written in the script that you couldn't read.
Rob: Yup.
Charlie: That's right.
Glenn: Uh, that document, that was something that you just wanted to do-- you were like, "Let me do-- I'm gonna try something."
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: And, you just like [crosstalk]--
Rob: And, I distinctly remember you-you Glenn, being like, "This is so dumb." And then, me being like, "I think it's dumb too, but it's also funny." And, you're like, "Wait, are we literally saying--" We were on set and you're like, "Are we literally saying that Charlie can't read?"
Glenn: Right.
Rob: And, we were like, "I--" and Charlie was like, "Yeah, I guess so." [inaudible 00:02:35] [crosstalk]. [laughs]
Charlie: And, me being like, "You guys, let me get you-- let me-- I got you guys covered on this one. [crosstalk] This is-this is gonna play, this is gonna play."
Rob: You were right.
Glenn: I don't remember having objections to it, but-- so I don't know why I would object to him doing one take-
Rob: No. We-we [crosstalk]--
Glenn: -or one or two takes.
Rob: No, it wasn't certainly like, "Hey, don't do that." It was more like, "Wait, are we making a massive character choice right now on the fly in the middle of a scene?"
Charlie: Sure.
Glenn: But, this is a funny thing about-about Charlie Day, not Charlie Kelly but Charlie Day, is that he is both constantly making his own character dumber and dumber-
Charlie: [laughs]
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: -and also complaining about how dumb his character is getting.
Charlie: To us as we're writing things. [crosstalk]--
Rob: That's the clown baby, that's the clown baby conversation.
Charlie: This is true. This is a very true thing that you're pointing out.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Well, I mean, you yourself just to me, you're like-you're like, "Trust me, this is gonna play," you know, and-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -you know, sort of implying that [laughs] you had to talk us into, you know, giving your character, like, an incredibly, uh, you know, stupid, uh, character trait. I mean, a funny one but a stupid one. A-A-A character trait that makes him stupid, uh, but yeah, as we're writing it, you're-you're-you're always upset that your-- you feel like your character's getting too clownish and too dumb. [chuckles]
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: I guess we did talk about that in the last one, didn't we?
Rob: Yeah, clown baby.
Glenn: Yeah, the clown baby.
Charlie: Yeah. Or-Or-Or now, like, in the later years, not-not clownish enough or something.
Glenn: Right, right.
Charlie: No, I'm constantly doubting my things. I'm just very sure of my opinions that I-I then later doubt. [laughs]
Glenn: Well, yeah, yeah, well, yes, that [crosstalk]--
Charlie: In the moment I'm crystal clear, and then, you know, weeks after the fact, I'm just like, "I don't know, I don't know."
Rob: That's a good quality though. Keeps things moving forward.
Glenn: Yeah, because I think, you know, you-you-you-you have both things in your head at the same time. You recognize how funny it is when your character sometimes is really, uh, or maybe even stupider than it even makes sense for the character to be given what we've shown the character to be like in the past or whatever, um, that it's super duper funny, but you're afraid of losing, like, the grounded quality and, like, the real-the real, uh, feelings and intentions that the character, like, really needs stuff, and that he, you know, really exists as a real person in this world.
And, yet, when we go too far in that direction, you're like-- [sighs] You-- You're-You're-- you-you get upset that you're not-- you don't-- you're not getting enough funny shit to do. Like, you-- you know, like, you're making too-- like we're making him too real, too [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Or, he's just the voice of reason sometimes.
Glenn: Voice of reasoning, yeah, yeah. Exactly, yeah. I don't know, it's funny, it's a-it's a kind of a push-pull in that way. I-I weirdly feel like [crosstalk]--
Charlie: We all have that. You have that with, like, how evil your character might get, right? Where you're like-
Glenn: I do, yes. I-- That is true.
Rob: Arch.
Charlie: Oh, this is too arch, too evil.
Glenn: Totally.
Charlie: You know.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, and yet-and yet I also push it in arch and evil directions myself. So, I do the exact same things 'cause I'm-I'm always like, "Is it getting too, like, too serial killery, too, like, too creepy?"
Charlie: This is-This is the creative process, right? It's, uh, you know, [crosstalk]--
Rob: Am I a serial killer, am I not?
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: That's the process.
Charlie: This is the process.
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: You kill one person, and you're like, "Not-Not for me."
Glenn: Well, I'm a murderer but I'm not serial.
Charlie: "Not for me." I didn't get the satisfaction out of that.
Rob: So you stop.
Charlie: Then you stop, right?
Rob: So, you're a murderer but you're not a serial murderer. It's the second one that's [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Then, you try it-you try it again, you're like, "Okay, maybe I'm starting to see the-the-- something to this," right?
Glenn: Okay.
Charlie: And then [crosstalk]--
Glenn: It's definitely easier the second time.
Charlie: By the third and fourth, you're like, "You know it would be cool if I could taunt the cops a little bit," so you start with, like, messaging, right?
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: You know, like, and then next thing you know, you look back on it and you've got a great body of work.
Glenn: You're like, "Can I-can I make a whole sentence, like, can I make a whole sentence or only one word out of this guy's teeth?"
Charlie: Yeah. [laughs]
Glenn: You know what I mean? You start thinking [crosstalk]--
Charlie: [laughs] I'm gonna need more-- I'm gonna need more guys to get the sentence.
Glenn: I'm gonna need more teeth.
Charlie: So, I'll start with the word and a phrase at a time, then the cops will put it together, and then-
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: -by the time I've collected on the [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Like, each victim, you-you can make one word out of their teeth and then you put it all together and there's a message in there.
Charlie: That's the creative process. And, I'm sure [crosstalk]--
[laughter]
Rob: That's the creative process to potential murderers out there.
Charlie: Yeah, and I'm sure a lot of the murderers are like, "You know, am I going to far with the messaging here, you know, like, am I too psychotic?"
[laughter]
Charlie: And then, they complain, they're like, "Oh, this other guy's way more psychotic than me, I just like, you know, [crosstalk]--"
Glenn: Yeah, that's right. Wait. They don't wanna be looked down on as just simply crazy. It's like,-
Charlie: [chuckles]
Glenn: -"you-- don't call me crazy. I'm a genius. I'm an artist." You know what I mean?
Charlie: Right.
Glenn: They're almost upset, but then some other serial killer does something that's way crazier than what you did and you're like, "Well, that-- don't show me up." I mean, I-I [crosstalk]--
Rob: Also, are they changing with the times as well? Are they looking that the-- are they looking at their body of work and saying, "You know what? I need to be more inclusive." Right?
Glenn: Oh, I see.
Rob: So, they're-they're changing with the culture as well.
Glenn: In other words, they're-- they feel like, "I've killed too many white ladies, I need to [crosstalk]--"
Rob: Exactly. Yeah. We need to open it up.
Glenn: We need to expand.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: Sure, I'm sure they feel those pressures.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah. Well, everyone does. They don't wanna get-they don't wanna get canceled for that.
Charlie: Sure.
Rob: Um, they're-- I would-I would actually say that there's-there's an argument to be made that, like, making [unintelligible 00:07:05] as a serial killer or, like, like, we're suggesting that maybe he is, is less-- potentially less evil than what we're kind of doing in these episodes because-because once you go to that place, we're like, "Oh, this is like a cartoon." It's very clearly satire. Whereas this one, like, Charlie is-is, like, in this woman's apartment.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: And, just, like, casually she saying no over and over and over again and Charlie is, like,-
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: -being like, "I'm not leaving." And, like, [crosstalk]--
Glenn: But, he's so likable that [crosstalk]--
Rob: I know he's still lovable. When he gets away, he gets away with it, but when you look at it and you're like, "Well, we're not really commenting on that aspect of it." So, we were, like, blind to that 'cause we were like, "Oh, everybody loves Charlie."
Charlie: No, not at all. We weren't remotely blind to that, like, I came in, like, completely aware that that was inappropriate for the character to be doing and that's where the humor was coming from which is, like, this poor girl has to deal with this guy's terrible behavior.
Glenn: Woman.
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: She was only 11 when we shot that.
[laughter]
Rob: By the way, we also then in this episode, uh, suggest that she's a terrible person as well, which is the first time we really-- Well, [crosstalk]--
Charlie: No.
Rob: Well, okay then. Okay, now that actually brings up an interesting thing because there's a very massive inconsistency in this episode that makes no sense.
Glenn: What is that?
Rob: And, the reason it makes no sense is because we aired this episode after an episode that was previous to this.
Glenn: Oh, the Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom episode.
Rob: Yeah, yes. So-so, it's-- they're talking-- We're talking about the waitress as if Frank didn't sleep with her which he does in the episode, right?
Glenn: Oh, Jesus, right.
Rob: So, I remember what happened was they loved, [unintelligible 00:08:51] loved that episode so much, and we did [inaudible 00:08:53] [crosstalk]--
Glenn: That one and the welfare-welfare one, which they-they pushed both of them up and Hundred Dollar Baby.
Rob: And, they were like, "We wanna put these in the front and kick this one to the later part of the season." And, we were like, "That doesn't really make any sense because it doesn't really track."
Glenn: Yeah. Right.
Rob: We know that Dennis slept with her.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: It happened [crosstalk]--
Glenn: In season one.
Rob: Yes. But, we don't know that-- But, then Frank says what's with-- Franks with the-- Charlie's with the waitress girl. It doesn't make any sense and the network was like, "We don't care." And the end of the day, it doesn't seem like the audience cared.
Charlie: I don't-I don't think it [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Yeah, it was supposed to be the-it was supposed to be the third episode. It was supposed to come right after The Gang Goes Jihad. I mean, that's what we were talking about in the beginning, like, we burned a building down.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: I think you could easily miss that if you're not tracking the arc of it. You'd just be like, "I guess they burned a building down, I don't know."
Charlie: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Rob: Or, they finally went to court [unintelligible 00:09:36].
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: Yeah, but I think it just plays, like, Dennis slept with her in the past, but it didn't bump me so much with the-with the Frank thing.
Rob: It's the-- It's the conversation with Frank where he's just like, "What's the deal with this waitress, and who is she?" Like,-
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: -he-he had sex with her.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: But, all he says [crosstalk]--
Rob: And then, she freaked out and then he cried.
Charlie: No, all he says-all he says is that, "Charlie is with that waitress girl."
Rob: Which was a fake tear I remember.
Charlie: Was it? Well, no, it wasn't-- No. You know, what it was, though, is that just [crosstalk]--
Glenn: You held your eyes open.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, that's a good [inaudible 00:10:06] [crosstalk].
Charlie: My eyes [inaudible 00:10:06] [crosstalk]--
Rob: No, that's a real tear though. I was being funny 'cause I remember how you worked hard to get that out and it worked so well with the timing of it, so I was just giving you shit.
Charlie: The timing was good, but, like, no, no, the trick and the technique for young aspiring actors at home is sometimes you do a few takes, you can really get it. Sometimes you're like, "Oh, we need one more." And you're like, "Well, I can't fucking get a tear out."
Rob: Right.
Charlie: And, if you just don't blink for a while, those eyes get nice and dry.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: Or they come and blow those, uh, crystals into your eye, but I don't remember [inaudible 00:10:31] [crosstalk].
Charlie: We didn't-We didn't have a crystal budget. [laughs]
Glenn: What are those? It's like [crosstalk]--
Rob: Menthol.
Glenn: Menthol crystals, so yeah, this is [crosstalk]--
Rob: It's probably great for your eyes.
Glenn: A lot of people don't realize this, but yeah, there are a lot of-a lot of crying actors, uh, you know, people who probably won Oscars, uh, you know, off of a crying scene where really all that happened was the makeup artist came and they have this-this thing where they blow air through, um, what-what it is, oh yeah, menthol crystals.
Rob: Menthol crystals.
Glenn: And so, it's literally blowing minty menthol air directly into your eyes right before you shoot something so you're just crying like a motherfucker 'cause it really stings. [laughs]
Rob: No, this is amazing, that's how they sometimes get kids to cry.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Now, think about this, listeners.
Glenn: Right, right.
Rob: They're literally taking children and blowing menthol crystal into their eye to get them to cry.
Glenn: People already don't like us out here in Hollywood, don't-don't-don't tell them that.
Charlie: Speaking of, uh, abusing the children, the kids in this episode are fantastic.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: Their little performances, little 'cause they're little, but, like, the kid who gets spiked on the back with the pen.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: He nails, like, the- [laughs]
Glenn: That feeling.
Charlie: The realness of, like, getting nailed with that pen. It's great.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Flip-flop kid, man.
Glenn: Flip-flop kid is amazing.
Rob: Yeah, flip-flop.
Charlie: The kid in his socks who raises his hand.
Rob: Thanks, dad.
Charlie: Thanks, dad, yeah.
Glenn: Oh, that part makes me laugh so hard, it, like, [crosstalk]--
Charlie: I've forgotten, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, basically, like, implying that this kid is the one father figure this kid has ever had and it's [crosstalk]--
Rob: And, you quickly crush his dreams.
Glenn: I [unintelligible 00:11:53], yeah.
Charlie: I remember that we chucked that basketball-- By the way, I think the direction of this episode is really good.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Dan Attias again.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Like, the coverage is good, and we shot that basketball sequence first up in the morning.
Rob: Mm.
Charlie: And, you know, I'd gotten to set and I had my breakfast burrito and a full, like, cup of coffee, and got out and started running around. Remember being like, "I am gonna throw up all over these kids."
Glenn: And yet you did some pretty extraordinary physical feats in that episode.
Rob: Oh, that one shot is so great. The one shot I remember it was just continuous-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -where he throws the ball as hard as he can and then continuously come back [crosstalk]--
Charlie: [unintelligible 00:12:28] stuffed that kid so hard, it was great.
Rob: That felt good.
Charlie: Oh, of course, yeah.
Rob: It always feels good to stuff somebody even if they're a kid.
Glenn: And, that was-- it's not like that was planned. It's not like this was a-a well-well-
Rob: It was a free for all.
Glenn: -choreographed sequence.
Charlie: No, it was a total free for all, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: I think we thought it was so funny that we went and got an extra spiking shot where we're like [crosstalk]--
Glenn: We did.
Charlie: There's another shot where I spike a kid, we're like, "Let's just get a close-up, like, from low of me stuffing some kid."
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: This is the first time I think, maybe I'm incorrect, I think this is the first time we referred to Dee as a bird 'cause I remember, later on, you guys were talking about her as Larry Bird, but I say that he looks like Big Bird.
Glenn: Yeah, and this wasn't even the first-- like, this wasn't the beginning of us calling her a bird. The beginning of us calling her a bird was the Larry Bird joke in the serial killer episode in season three. This just-- It just happens to be a joke that happened a year before we sort of discovered that joke.
Rob: Yes, 'cause she did.
Glenn: 'Cause she did look like Big Bird, but that was based on we-- [chuckles] I remember us looking up-- talking to costumes and, like, being like-- We had a very specific idea in our head of, like, what this pantsuit should look like.
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: And finding pictures on the Internet to show-
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: -the wardrobe department to be like, "This-this is the kind of pantsuit that we're-- you know, want her to wear."
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: I love the-the [crosstalk]--
Glenn: There was a-- Was there a specific coach-- Wasn't there a specific coach that used to wear pantsuits like that or something? A female basketball coach?
Rob: There was a woman I know who's one of the most successful female coaches of all time, her name is Pat, we'll have to look up-- Meg, can you do a little research? I think she-- Her name was Pat, her first name was Pat.
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: She used to wear a good-- a nice solid pantsuit.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: I think we used her as a reference.
Glenn: One color just top to bottom pantsuit.
Charlie: I feel like I remember there being some discussion about that outfit being like, "Is this too cartoony?"
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: I don't remember-- Yeah, maybe.
Meg: Pat Summitt?
Rob: Pat Summitt.
Glenn: Pat Summitt.
Charlie: Pat Summitt.
Glenn: Uh, and are you finding pictures of Pat Summitt, and is she wearing a uni-colored pantsuit? Let's have a look. Oh, yeah, there it is.
Rob: And, there she is, I believe, yeah, there's Pat.
Glenn: There it is. Good for her.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Does it upset you guys to think about the fact that the kids there in that episode are probably 35 years old now.
Rob: Yeah, yeah, that's disturbing.
Charlie: Yeah. [chuckles]
Glenn: They're maybe not that old, but they're probably-- I mean, how old are they? They're definitely in their mid to late 20s.
Rob: Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, definitely, right, 'cause they were 11. They're in their late 20s.
Glenn: Let's say they were 11 years old in 2006, so yeah, they're like 26, 27 years old now.
Rob: Oh, shit. [whistles]
Glenn: Wow.
Charlie: And maybe this is interesting. Basketball, huh? Rob, you used to play a lot of basketball. You used to go to the Y.
Glenn: Oh, yeah, Rob [crosstalk]--
Rob: That's actually true.
Glenn: Rob's a big basketball player.
Charlie: You did play by the way.
Rob: I was not a good basketball player.
Charlie: Glenn, you played basketball too, right?
Rob: We played every Saturday.
Glenn: We played every Saturday, yeah, with Chris Backus.
Rob: Chris Backus has come up a number of times.
Glenn: We're gonna-We're gonna make sure we find a way to mention Chris Backus every single episode.
Rob: We gotta bring him on the show.
Charlie: Do you miss it? Do you miss your basketball playing days? Uh, do you have regrets? Uh, do you feel as though [chuckles] you-you could have accomplished more? Uh, walk us through your playing days and, uh--
[snoring]
[laughter]
Rob: It was fun, I mean, yeah, it was like Saturdays.
Glenn: It was great.
Rob: It was actually something to look forward to 'cause, like, all week long we have, like, no auditions or maybe we get an audition, and then there would be, like, nothing to do. You and I work at the fucking restaurant. Glenn didn't. He'd be watching movies.
Glenn: Yeah, I had a lot of That 80s Show [crosstalk]--
Charlie: If you guys are going head to head in a game of hoops, who's winning?
Glenn: Oh, I don't know, I mean, at this point, I have no- I have no clue.
Rob: If I could outlast his body 'cause he's got some back issues. Oh, you remember you fucked your ankle up. You rolled your ankle real bad one time.
Glenn: Yeah, that's why I stopped. Yeah, that's why I stopped.
Rob: Like, straight to the emergency room shit.
Glenn: Correct, yeah. Did you take me to the emergency room? Who took me to the emergency room?
Rob: God, no, I had to keep playing, man.
Glenn: No, no, no.
Rob: No, I think I did.
Glenn: I think you did take me to the emergency room. Thanks, buddy.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Um, yeah, I was the same way. I really, really enjoyed that game. It was super, super fun. We would all play and then a lot of times we'd go get brunch afterwards. Just a bunch of sweaty dudes eating waffles.
Charlie: How long did you wait in that emergency room? Quite a while [inaudible 00:16:28] [crosstalk].
Glenn: I don't remember. God, I don't even remember, I think we went to-- I don't even remember what emergency room we went to. I feel like we drove all the way to Cedars-Sinai.
Rob: I think we came back over the other side of [inaudible 00:16:38] [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Yeah, 'cause we lived in West Hollywood. I think you took me to Cedars-Sinai.
Rob: And then [unintelligible 00:16:42] met us there.
Glenn: Yeah, my girlfriend at the time.
Rob: Yeah, he probably went right in 'cause I remember we thought it was, like, broken. It was like his leg [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Yeah, but they'll let you sit in the waiting room. You could have your foot dangling off your body, they'd be like, "All right, take a seat."
Glenn: Right, yeah, I don't remember being that bad, but I do remember I came down-- What happened was I went up for a layup and I came down on someone's foot. You know, something that happens in basketball all the time, and it was audible.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Like, you could-
Rob: You could hear it [inaudible 00:17:12] [crosstalk]--
Glenn: - hear it through the gym.
Rob: You were screaming, I remember, like, it was-- we were like, "This guy fucking broke everything."
Glenn: It was-- I-I-I still shiver thinking about it. It traumatized me to the point where after that, even after it healed and was, like, totally healed, I was never the same again. And, I couldn't-- I was never that great of a basketball player, the one thing that I had going for me was that I was fast and I was aggressive. And-- Uh, but I was never that skilled 'cause I never-- And I always regretted never going to basketball camp. I had so many friends who went to basketball camp and they had the fundamentals. It was [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Got better with that left hand.
Rob: At the end of the day, it's a fucking tall men's sport and we're not tall. So, like, there were a couple of guys there, a few guys there that could literally dunk, Backus being one of them.
Glenn: Right.
Rob: The other guy who we're-- who you were friends with, he could dunk.
Glenn: Who?
Rob: And, like, you're, like, playing-- He was an actor.
Glenn: Oh, Steven?
Rob: No, not Steven. Tall guy, he was on a bunch of TV shows too. He was like one of the working [inaudible 00:18:04] [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Oh, Josh.
Rob: Josh. Yeah, right. And, these guys could dunk, and we were like, at the end of the day, it's like playing volleyball with a guy that's 6'7", like, there's no-- you got no shot.
Charlie: There's a lot of sports where height is definitely an advantage, basketball inarguably is one which is pretty much why I was like, "Fuck basketball, fuck this."
Rob: Fair.
Glenn: But I remember playing with our buddy Michael Trauder-
Rob: Trauder is awesome.
Glenn: - who was shorter than me. He's like 5'9", 5'10" maybe.
Rob: He's an extreme outlier.
Glenn: Extremely good athlete, but also, like, he went to tons of basketball camps, right? So, he-he had-he had great handles. Like, he could really dribble the ball, and I just never could do-- It's-It's really sad too because I literally-- basketball is my favorite sport, I played it every single day growing up.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: I played so much basketball well into my mid to late 20s that it really makes no sense that I was not ever very good.
Rob: I'll say, if I recall correctly, the real reason we stopped 'cause I think you came back-
Glenn: I did.
Rob: -and then we-- There-There were a couple of fights that almost broke out.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Or, like, literally holding guys back.
Charlie: It gets tense out there, yeah, [inaudible 00:19:04] [crosstalk].
Rob: And, we were like, "What are we doing?"
Charlie: Somebody elbowed somebody.
Rob: I mean, even in my-- earlier we were in our mid-20s, I was like, "I don't wanna get into fist fights anymore."
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Like, that's gone. But, guys took it very seriously, and then it just kinda fell apart.
Glenn: It was funny to see, like, the guys that rolled through too 'cause it was kinda-- they were, like, actors and managers. I remember Aaron Paul rolled through at one point. This was, like, long before Breaking Bad. We're talking 2002, 2003, I remember Aaron Paul rolling through. I remember Jared Padalecki. Is that how you pronounce his name? The guy from Supernatural.
Charlie: Oh, yeah, that's right. He's tall.
Rob: Super tall.
Glenn: Super tall.
Rob: And very goddamn handsome. This is the kind of shit-- Good basketball player, tall, handsome, and I was like, "I don't need this in my life."
Glenn: Making you feel-making you feel bad about yourself.
Rob: Making me feel bad about myself.
Glenn: Yeah, make you feel small and ugly.
Rob: Small and ugly and untalented and non-athletic.
Glenn: Right.
Rob: And then, they wanna pick a fight with me and I gotta run outta there 'cause they'll kick my fucking ass. I lose in every way.
Glenn: No, no, no. No, you were pretty-pretty scrappy.
Charlie: No, come on.
Glenn: Yeah. You were pretty scrappy when it came to fighting but remember-remember [crosstalk]--
Charlie: I-I'd put my money on you in that fight.
Glenn: Yeah, me too, yeah, all day-
Rob: No.
Glenn: -all day.
Rob: No, no, I don't know.
Glenn: That anger.
Charlie: Glenn, we'll do a-we'll do a side bet? We'll bet against him.
[laughter]
Glenn: Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Rob: We did a whole episode about that.
Glenn: Yeah.
[laughter]
Glenn: Do you remember- do you remember the Baldwin brothers showing up?
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: Daniel Baldwin.
Charlie: Which two?
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Uh, they were--
Rob: Not the-- yeah.
Glenn: Not Stephen, not Alec, uh, Daniel and Billy.
Rob: Billy. Billy is great.
Charlie: Okay, okay.
Glenn: Yeah, Billy is nice, and Billy who I did a pilot with back in 2003 called EDNY.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Um, so I kinda knew Billy a little bit.
Charlie: I've-- Uh, which one-which one is the one in, um, uh, Usual Suspects?
Rob: That's Stephen.
Glenn: That's Stephen.
Charlie: I sat next to Stephen Baldwin-
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: -on a Southwest Airline flight to Las Vegas.
Rob: Mm.
Charlie: I got a middle seat and I was jammed between, like, Stephen Baldwin and his, like, parole officer or somebody, his, like, his, like, sober coach or something.
Rob: Oh.
Glenn: Oh, you were-- You guys were all in coach?
Rob: Ouch, ouch.
Charlie: We were-- Well, that's Southwest, so I think it's all-- I don't think there is a first-class in Southwest.
Glenn: Mm, mm.
Charlie: It was a quick-- I'm not gonna waste the money, I was flying to Las Vegas-
Glenn: Yeah, of course.
Charlie: -really quick.
Rob: What year are we talking about here?
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: Uh, uh, this is recently. This was like five years ago.
Glenn: Mm.
Charlie: What? Take a private jet to Vegas just to go take [crosstalk]--
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Listen, I think-I think-I-I think that's what the fans expect, you know. I think they think that that's the lifestyle [inaudible 00:21:16] [crosstalk].
Rob: Sure, they-they watch an episode like this and they're like, "These guys got private jets."
Glenn: [unintelligible 00:21:20]. This is-This is a private jet [crosstalk]--
Rob: They own.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: That's right.
Charlie: No.
Glenn: No.
Rob: No, we don't. Guys, we don't.
Charlie: I was, uh,-
Glenn: We don't.
Charlie: I was- I-I was-- I didn't get the best seat. I didn't even get the best Baldwin.
[laughter]
[music]
Rob: Charlie, did you ever play basketball?
Charlie: Sure.
Rob: The way you- the way you, uh, stuffed those kids certainly seemed to imply that you did.
Charlie: Sure, yeah, I mean, in my neighborhood, you played every sport, right? You just [unintelligible 00:21:50]-
Rob: Right.
Charlie: -with my buddies-
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: -and we played plenty of basketball but I was never any good at it, terrible at it.
Rob: I would say that Charlie is definitely the most athletic out of the three of us which I think people-- I don't know if-if the people find that hard to believe, but they're like-- uh, the-- like when people play certain sports with you, they are surprised by how good you are at them, like, you're a natural. You can swing something.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: I like to-- I feel as though it flusters people which I enjoy.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: You know, where they're like, "Why-why can't I drive the golf ball further than this guy?"
Rob: Absolutely.
Charlie: [inaudible 00:22:22] [crosstalk].
Glenn: Oh, yeah, that is true, golf and baseball, for sure, uh, you've got the advantage.
Rob: And hockey.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: So, we've been on ice-we've been on ice on the show.
Glenn: Oh, yeah. Right.
Charlie: Sure.
Rob: And-and I had to take-- I had to, like, go out there and, like, learn how to skate and, like, I looked terrible. And, like, I'm trying to-- And then, we would just fuck around and Charlie could-- just picked it right back up.
Charlie: I was just-- I was into sports.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: I played a shit load of sports just [inaudible 00:22:43] [crosstalk]--
Rob: Well, I was into sports too, I just sucked.
Glenn: We could beat him- We could beat him at ping pong. We could beat him at ping pong, though. All day.
Charlie: You guys could beat-- That you could. I'm terrible at a-at a racket sport.
Rob: Really? [inaudible 00:22:51] [crosstalk] same hand-eye coordination.
Charlie: Something about the-- Yeah, but the angles don't make-- And, uh, I also wanna, like, hit something as hard as I can-
Rob: Right.
Charlie: -and have it go as far as it can and--
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: But [crosstalk]--
Glenn: You wanna bash something.
Charlie: I wanna bash it but [crosstalk]--
Rob: I remember watching the Boggs episode which we'll talk about at some point, but we're obviously on a-on a field there and I-- you know, you don't usually see yourself on camera throwing something. You just think, "Oh, you can-- I can throw a ball, right,-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -from-from the mound to the plate," and I remember watching it on camera and being like, "Is that the way I throw?"
Glenn: Oh.
Rob: And, you guys being like, "Yes."
Glenn: Yeah, man.
Rob: And I'm like, "Oh, that is so unathletic," and-- but then when you took a cut, like, you swung the ball. I remember, I mean, being like, "This doesn't even make any sense. He's supposed to be hammered and why would Charlie Kelly know how to hit that well?" It looked like a- like a- like a true baseball player's swing.
[laughter]
Glenn: Well, he played-
Charlie: Yeah, well, of course.
Glenn: -baseball.
Charlie: I played a little league or whatever. Were you [unintelligible 00:23:44] were you throwing with your dominant hand, or was that a camera angle thing where we're like, "Rob, you're gonna have to throw this one with your right hand because we're--?"
Rob: No, I was throwing with my dominant hand. We-we should go back. We'll talk about that when we go to Boggs 'cause [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Weren't you-- You're a little bit ambidextrous, though. Which hand do you throw with?
Glenn: I can't-- I throw with my left.
Charlie: You've made great strides in golf, I will say. When we first started playing, I was like, "[unintelligible 00:24:04], you know, it won't be his thing." And, you've gotten quite good.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: You've gotten quite good. Glenn, we-- we're-- we'll eagerly await your, uh, you know-
Glenn: I'll get there.
Charlie: -your presence out there.
Glenn: I'll get there. I'll get there, I'll get there.
Charlie: Come-Come join us.
Glenn: You know, took me a second to come around on dogs and, uh, you know, now I'll come around on golf eventually.
Charlie: All right, well,-
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: -I'm sure we're thrilling the audience here. Should we talk about something more salacious?
Rob: Ooh.
Glenn: Sure. Sure, let's, uh,-- Well, you know [crosstalk]--
Charlie: We probably could not make this episode in this day and age. We could probably not make the-the joke where you're only picking the Black kids-
Rob: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: -for your basketball team.
Rob: I don't know.
Glenn: I think we can get away with that. I think [crosstalk]--
Charlie: You think so?
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, because it's the character's stereotyping.
Charlie: Look, I agree-
Glenn: Yes.
Charlie: -but I do feel as though right now we're living in a place where like, "Well, this is just highly inappropriate," and-and [crosstalk]--
Rob: I think we would just take a look at it and say, "Well, what's the best way to make clear that this is-this the terrible characters making this choice and not the show itself?"
Glenn: Yes.
Rob: Like, the casual-- Like, that's where we get in, I think, some issues with previous episodes where it's-- we're doing it with seemingly casual, like, as a show.
Rob: Right.
Glenn: Where it was, like, you remember we're just using slurs or whatever-
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: - and not calling them out.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, there's-there's [crosstalk]--
Rob: And I think- I think this episode is okay in that, I think.
Glenn: I think so too.
Charlie: Yeah, some of the Asian stuff is dicey.
Rob: No, yeah, yeah.
Charlie: But it's not that-- You just said that he was in Vietnam and that he was a--
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: He has a gambling addiction, so these are-
Rob: Yes, these are his gambling buddies.
Charlie: - [inaudible 00:25:26] [crosstalk]--
Rob: Not saying everyone from Vietnam is that way. We're just saying that the-- his buddies are that way.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah, but I know what you mean. Yeah, you could-you-you-you could be a little-- it could be a little dicey here and there. Um, we established in this episode that, uh, that Mary-- that the waitress is an alcoholic.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: Which was another thing that we'd established in this episode. Oh, by the way, I got to do a shout-out for my buddy, uh, Patrick Callaghan-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: - who plays the, uh, AA-- What do you call the person who leads the meeting, the meeting leader? I don't even know.
Charlie: Sure.
Rob: I don't know 'cause I'm not in a-- Well [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Oh, I am.
Rob: So, what do you guys think? Are you alcoholics?
Glenn: Yes.
Charlie: I think [crosstalk]--
Rob: Oh, are you [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Look, I've taken a really good long look at it and, you know, as we all know, I'm not-- currently not drinking, but I think [crosstalk]--
Rob: Well, that's supposed to be anonymous.
Charlie: [laughs] I think I have tendencies, but I actually don't think I-I am an alcoholic.
Rob: No?
Charlie: I think an actual alcoholic literally has no control over it, like, cannot stop and I-I [crosstalk]--
Rob: We don't know that that's how AA defines it though, right?
Charlie: When I want to stop, I can just stop.
Rob: You can just stop.
Charlie: And I think that's a, like, a-- I don't fixate on it.
Rob: It's a common theme among alcoholics, "I can stop whenever I want."
Charlie: Yeah, but only-only they can't.
Glenn: Yes, if they can.
Rob: I think the depend-- that dependency is the-is the key, but I think, uh, like, AA specifically or even just [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Well, it's also obsession with it, right? Like, so-
Charlie: Yes.
Glenn: -if you're-- if every night, you're like, [sighs] "Okay, I'm not gonna have a drink tonight and you actually don't."
Rob: Yeah, just the fact you're thinking about it and, like, you're working on it.
Glenn: But if you-- The fact that you're thinking about it, yes, and that you're having to make that very-- a very conscious, you know-
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: -decision to not have a drink [inaudible 00:27:01] [crosstalk].
Rob: Well, I do a lot of rationalization around it, so it's like, yeah, like, it's, uh, it's some-something I think about, right? So, like, I have family members who drank themselves to death, I mean, literally to death.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: [unintelligible 00:27:10] sclerosis, right? But, then you'd find out like, "Oh, he would wake up every day and he would start his day in the morning with a drink-
Glenn: Right.
Rob: -and not stop until he went to sleep."
Glenn: Right.
Rob: So, I would see that and then-and then I go, "Oh, well, I'm not that. I have one Manhattan every night."
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: But if I don't, I'm like, "Mm, I gotta have that Manhattan."
Glenn: Okay, I gotta get that Manhattan.
Charlie: Yeah, but one, the fact that you can have one, that's like, I don't know, that-that-- sure that's a- that's a habit, not an addiction, I think, you know, like--
Rob: Alcoholism light.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: Alcoholism light, I think, if that's a term. I'm sure that isn't. Um [crosstalk]--
Charlie: If you're spending your entire day thinking about that Manhattan, then that's [crosstalk]--
Rob: I don't.
Charlie: Yeah, that's a different [inaudible 00:27:50] [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Yeah, 'cause you know you're gonna have it.
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: You know [crosstalk]--
Rob: If I-if-- But, sometimes-- Okay, this is-this is a bad sign. Sometimes, I'll say to myself, "Well, you know, let's just not have one tonight," and then when I-
Glenn: Right.
Rob: -get to that point, I'm like, "Well, I'll just have one."
[laughter]
Rob: Just one. Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah. Sure.
Glenn: It's just one.
Charlie: Well, you're, uh, you're addicted to one Manhattan, I don't think that's so bad.
Rob: No, it's not-not the worst thing in the world.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: You know, like, that's-that's okay.
Glenn: It's so good.
Rob: But I-- if you said you-you wanna have a Manhattan right now, I-I have no-
Glenn: No.
Charlie: -no interest.
Glenn: Well, that's-- that-- that's good.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: That means that-- I'd-I'd say [crosstalk]--
Rob: Whereas with smoking,-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: -I know some people that can just have a couple of cigarettes from time to time.
Glenn: I was always that way.
Charlie: Yeah, you were that way.
Rob: Yeah, that was incredible.
Charlie: I never could do that.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: No, no, but, like, when you were smoking and I was smoking and we were like, "You know what, let's do the podcast but let's just-- can we make this a smoking room?"
Charlie: [laughs] Yeah.
Rob: We would just be hacking butts in here.
Glenn: Yeah, I-I wouldn't be [inaudible 00:28:39] [crosstalk].
Charlie: I mean, I haven't had a cigarette in-in-
Rob: A long time.
Charlie: -almost 20 years but like--
Glenn: Wow.
Rob: I have.
Glenn: Oof.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah, uh, but I can-I can just have one on the rare occasion. I'll just have, like, one and it's great, of course.
Charlie: Yeah, I-I wish I could do that.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: I probably could, but-
Rob: You probably could do it.
Charlie: -at this point, like, why bother?
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah, yeah, no, I-
Charlie: That's the thing.
Rob: -I-I think the pandemic has probably not done a lot of us too many favors with regard to, um,-
Glenn: Alcohol abuse.
Rob: -drinking-- Yeah, alcohol abuse. Uh, uh, I [crosstalk]--
Charlie: The scamdemic is just a total scam by the alcohol companies trying to get us to drink more, man.
Glenn: It worked. It worked.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: It sure did, boy.
Charlie: Yeah, sure did.
Rob: It-It was funny because the-there was a time where I-- 'cause I never used to drink at home really, uh, which may be a surprise to people. They probably assume that I drink all the time, but I don't. Um, I used to almost never-almost never drink at home. It made no sense to me. I-I-- It made no sense to me ever. I was one of those people, like, wouldn't drink all week and then I'd go out on Friday night-
Charlie: Me too.
Rob: -and get absolutely hammered.
Charlie: Me too. That's what I would do too.
Rob: Yeah, I never-- but Monday through Friday-- Well, I mean, Monday through Thursday, or Sunday through Thursday [crosstalk]--
Charlie: No, but when you and I lived together,-
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: -we would never drink-
Rob: No.
Glenn: During the week.
Charlie: -ever at all.
Rob: I don't even know that we even kept beer in the fridge.
Charlie: No.
Rob: Maybe, I don't know.
Charlie: No, no, and then-- but then Friday night, we'd just go get blackout drunk.
Rob: Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. So, I'd make up for it over the weekend, you know, by getting absolutely hammered, but, uh-- but yeah, it wasn't-wasn't like a-- and then, you know-- and-and drinking was always like-- it was like a special--
Glenn: And social, yeah.
Rob: Yeah, it was-it was a social thing, but that's when it gets-- that's when it got weird for me. It was like, over the pandemic, I suddenly, "Let me- Let me just have a glass of whisky or whatever." You know what I mean?
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: And, it was nice. We got loose, you know, put the kids to bed, you're kinda loose, a little more giggly than usual, just whatever, and then I-I remember there being, like, almost a switch where I was like-- I would have a drink and just-- and then I'd be like-I'd be like-- just-just-just made me tired, and I'm like, "Why isn't this fun anymore?" And it was [chuckles] so many [crosstalk]--
Charlie: 'Cause I gotta have two. That had to make it fun.
Rob: I would sometimes [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Yeah, because, uh, yeah--
Rob: By the way, that is what would happen. I would have the-- I'd be like, "Well, the second one. That'll get me going," and then I'd just be-
Glenn: And that just made you angry.
Rob: -more tired and irritated.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, you're not able to get that dopamine rush because you're doing it all the time.
Rob: Well, and also-- but I think it also isn't-- Somebody had to point this out, I was like, "I don't know why. It just doesn't feel the same," and they were like, "Yeah, because you used to drink socially. Now, you're just drinking-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -not socially. You're just- [chuckles] you're just-- it's just your kids are screaming and you're drinking-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -and it-it's-- now, it's making you irritated," and I'm like, "Uh, yeah, that's-- that is what's happening."
Charlie: I just got to the point where my-my-my body and my life was like, "That's what-- I can't, like-- I'm going to have a couple of beers every night for the rest of my life? What am I doing?" It's not serving me.
Rob: 'Cause you love- you love beer.
Charlie: I love beer. Yeah, I'm a beer guy.
Rob: That's your thing, so you would drink beer, so yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Glenn: It's a high-calorie alcohol habit.
Charlie: It's a high-- sure. [chuckles] I don't really care about that so much. It's like [crosstalk]--
Rob: And it's a lot-- but it's a lot of liquid.
Charlie: Yeah, sure.
Rob: I'm not suggesting-- But it's like a-- it's more of a commitment. Like, I can drink a Manhattan in like, I-I think, like 10 minutes, but [inaudible 00:31:34] [crosstalk]--
Charlie: See, but then that would-- I would be like, "Well, I need something to be sipping on now."
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Just for the habit of it.
Glenn: That's the good thing about a beer is it lasts longer.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: 'Cause if you drink fast, you know [crosstalk]--
Charlie: That's true.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: I love alcohol. I mean, I just do.
Charlie: Well, so maybe you are an alcoholic.
Rob: Yeah. No, I said-I said yes.
Glenn: He had said it right off the bat. He said that he was. Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: All right. Well [crosstalk]--
Rob: Yeah, I said yes.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: It hasn't ruined my life. It-- I-- All signs are pointing towards things continuing.
Charlie: Not yet, not yet.
Rob: Not yet, not yet.
Charlie: Takes one, uh, one decision to get behind that wheel and then [crosstalk]--
Rob: 100%. That-- I'm very careful about that. I do not drink and drive.
Glenn: Oh, yeah.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: No-
Charlie: Don't do it.
Glenn: -that's-that's the-- that's been-- that's the best thing about Uber.
Rob: 100%.
Glenn: That is-That is like, uh, saving lives left and right.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Guys, this episode brought to you by-
[laughter]
Charlie: Alcoholism.
Glenn: Honda.
[laughter]
Charlie: Honda.
[laughter]
Glenn: Honda.
[music]
Rob: Have you guys ever done community service?
Charlie: Yes.
Glenn: I have.
Rob: Yeah, me too.
Charlie: Yup.
Glenn: Oh, boy, really?
Rob: Interesting. Okay, sure.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Interesting, yeah.
Charlie: Sure.
Glenn: What-What did you have to do community service for, Charlie? What-What did you do?
Charlie: I got busted drinking. [chuckles] So [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Oh, alcohol.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, I definitely have been an alcoholic in periods of my life for sure.
Glenn: Mm.
Charlie: Um, but I was 20-- 20. I was 20 years old, and I was with, uh, a pack of other 20-year-olds, and cops busted in this party and they were like, "All right, someone just, you know, snitch who bought the beer and we'll let you go," and we're not a bunch of fucking snitches, so nobody said shit and they arrested us all.
[laughter]
Glenn: And then?
Charlie: And, uh, you know, like, you know, we got, like, slapped on the wrist, had to do community service.
Glenn: How many hours? Do you remember?
Charlie: I don't recall.
Glenn: Mm.
Charlie: I don't even really recall what I did for the community service.
Glenn: You don't remember what you did?
Charlie: No.
Glenn: Must have not have meant that much to you to do something for the community.
Charlie: Sure didn't. Sure didn't.
Glenn: Uh, Rob, what did you-- what-what--
Rob: A couple of times, but it was all similar things, you know, like, stupid, you know, disturbing the peace, and-
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Uh-huh.
Glenn: [laughs]
Rob: -you know, like, drunkenness, and [crosstalk]-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Again, like, in high school--
Rob: -bat-- bar battery-
Glenn: In high-- like [unintelligible 00:33:36]-- no, no, no.
Rob: -assault battery.
Glenn: Like, coming out of high school [crosstalk]--
Charlie: "You've disturbed the peace. Here we are all peaceful and you've disturbed us."
Glenn: "Here we are in the peaceful city of Philadelphia, and you're disturbing it."
[laughter]
Charlie: "We've been disturbed."
Glenn: Ah, what did you have [crosstalk]--
Charlie: "Arrest that man."
Glenn: What did you have to do for community service?
Rob: Like, pick up trash on the side of the road.
Glenn: Oh, did they give you a choice? Did-- or did they assign you something?
Rob: I don't remember. I think maybe-- Yeah, was it-- Maybe if they were like, "Well, you can either do this or either do that or something." I remember at one point they-- in-in New Jersey, they gave you-- you could either pay a fine or do the service.
Glenn: Oh.
Rob: And then, there was a class action lawsuit against, uh, New Jersey, and, like, that got eradicated.
Glenn: Yeah, because people could just-- people with money could just be like, "All right, fuck it. I'll just pay."
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Right? I mean, that's not fair. You're not doing a service to the community that way.
Rob: "Let's get this guy who's disturbing the peace to do a service for the community." Maybe [crosstalk]-- Yes.
Charlie: You.
Glenn: Um, I, uh, made a extremely bad, uh, [chuckles] uh, error in judgment, uh, when I was going to college down in Miami, Florida.
Rob: Oh, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, sure.
Rob: Arguably, you out of the three of us-- what you've done-- what you did could have got you into more trouble than us.
Glenn: Oh, it's [crosstalk]--
Rob: Even though we have all-- Oh, go ahead. You tell the story.
Glenn: Well, I mean, so yeah, I tried to get a fake, uh, driver's license from the DMV down in Miami, um, and they took that very, very seriously, and, uh, I was actually charged with-- [chuckles] This is crazy to think about. I was charged with four felonies.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: So technically, I have four felonies on my record. Um, now, it got expunged because I was a first-time offender, so, um, you know, the-- they-they were-they were lenient, but I-I don't think I can join the FBI. You know what I mean? Like that-- So, uh, on a regular background check, it wouldn't come up. Um, at this point [crosstalk]--
Rob: Because we all had-- everybody's got a fake ID, or at least we all had fake IDs at one point, but they were actually fake.
Glenn: Yes, this [crosstalk]--
Rob: Or you get somebody else's documentation, but when you go in and try to pretend to be somebody else to get actual government issued, like, legal documents-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -that-that is-- Well, it's a felony. [laughs]
Glenn: It was a serious, serious offense.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Every time I signed my name, they had me sign my name three, four times, and for every signature was a felony. They-they [crosstalk]--
Rob: They threw the-They threw the book at you.
Glenn: They threw the book at me. They threw-- Yeah, they threw the book at me.
Rob: Florida does not fuck around.
Charlie: Yeah, that's-- Not really known for crime in Florida.
Glenn: Not really. No, no, there's some pretty, uh, pretty peaceful, um,-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -well-adjusted people that live in-live in Florida.
Rob: Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, Charlie said [crosstalk]--
Glenn: Hold on.
Charlie: [laughs] Oh, there's more?
Glenn: My-my community service. No, my community service. So I remember them giving me a giant list of, uh, choices, and for some reason, I don't know why I chose this. I just thought it would be interesting. I'm like, "Well if I'm gonna do it, I want it to be something interesting, not something mindless." So I was actually an assistant, uh, English teacher. Um, I-I would drive to this high school which at night became a night school, and there were, um, a bunch of, uh, Haitian immigrants that were there, uh, trying to learn English, and I was teaching them how to speak English. I don't know how.
Rob: That's actually amazing.
Charlie: They're like-They're like, "Give-Give them- Give them the felon.
Rob: What?
Meg: [laughs]
Glenn: Yes, let the felon [crosstalk]--
Charlie: I mean, [unintelligible 00:36:36]-- Florida is the craziest place.
Rob: That's-- Florida is the craziest place ever.
Glenn: Yeah, I also don't [crosstalk]--
Rob: This guy is-is stealing people's identities potentially. Let's introduce him to a room full of new immigrants.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah.
Rob: That's fucking nuts.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: And, I don't speak-- it's not like I speak French.
Rob: No.
Glenn: So, I couldn't-- You know, but most of them spoke well enough to where, um, I could communicate with them.
Rob: They didn't need it.
Glenn: Yeah, but there wasn't-- I wasn't the teacher. I was, like, the teacher's assistant. So, I was there assisting, but it was a lot. I did like 80 hours of that.
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: Yeah, yeah, you were a felon.
Glenn: It was-- yeah.
Charlie: Oh, well, there's three striking examples of white privilege.
Rob: 100%. That's literally what I was thinking about as we were talking about it.
Glenn: Absolutely.
Charlie: Yeah, same. I was like [crosstalk]--
Rob: We're talking about how fun it is to get arrested.
Charlie: Yeah, like [crosstalk]--
Rob: "It's so fun, and you just,"--
Charlie: Um, what a-what a joke.
Rob: "They slap you on the wrist, they give you community service, and then that's it."
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Oh, my-my experience was not fun, guys.
Rob: Well, you did something really serious.
Glenn: There's much more to my story. There's much more to my story where I was-- I mean, I was in jail. I was in fucking prison. It was-it was horrible.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: Mm.
Glenn: It was horrible.
Charlie: Okay.
Glenn: I did not feel privileged, um, at that particular moment in my life. Um, but, uh, but yeah, considering the-the final result, yeah, there's some-there's-there's some privilege there. Yeah, for sure.
Rob: Well, see you on the next one.
Glenn: Uh--
Charlie: Yeah, I mean, that's another good one.
Rob: That's a good one.
Charlie: I mean, you know, or is it, or a bad one? I don't know.
Glenn: Yeah, I don't know.
Charlie: And I guess this is the creative process.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: You know, we just try these podcasts, and sometimes they work sometimes they don't.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: [whispering] Hey, guys, let's go get a drink.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, let's do it.
[music]
[00:38:07] [END OF AUDIO]