On the pod, the guys revisit Charlie Gets Crippled from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 2, Episode 1.
Glenn Howerton: Just got a text from Rob McElhenney saying that he's, "walking in."
Charlie Day: Well, we--
Glenn: Well, uh, the thing is-is, uh, we-we agreed to meet at 8:30 in the morning.
Charlie: We-we did say it-it was gonna be an 8:30 start, and, uh, and, uh, it--
Glenn: We said 8:30, right?
Charlie: -it's-it's 8:33. I was here, um, I was here about five of.
Glenn: And I would have been, had I seen your cars and thought-- By the way, did you drive a different-- are you driving a different car?
Charlie: I'm still tech-- I'm still tech-- I am still parking in the garage.
Glenn: Oh. I was wondering where you were parking. Okay.
Charlie: No, no, no. I like the-- then the car's not out in the hot sun all day, and, uh--
Glenn: You don't want your car out in the hot sun?
Charlie: I don't.
Glenn: Well, you know-- I mean, buddy, you got a Tesla. You can- you can- you can, uh--
Charlie: Don't tell people what I have.
[laughter]
I have a Toyota Corolla. I am a common man-
Glenn: Yes.
Charlie: -and--
Glenn: You're keeping it real.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Keeping it real.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Oh boy.
Charlie: So anyway, we're here. We're on time. This is The Always, uh, Sunny in Philadelphia Podcast. And I gotta say, it's-- Do you-- are you picking up on this? I feel like it's going a little bit better without Rob.
Glenn: You know what?
Charlie: I, uh, I feel like it's a little bit--
Glenn: Right now, it feels a little bit like-- that, uh-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -that [unintelligible 00:01:07].
Charlie: Oh, uh, here he is.
Glenn: Oh. Well, look at that.
Charlie: Oh, here he is. He's walking in.
Glenn: Rob McElhenney just rolls in whenever he wants to.
Charlie: It's 8-
Glenn: What time is it?
Charlie: -it's 8:36.
Glenn: Is it?
Charlie: It's 8:36, yeah.
Glenn: Yeah. It seems like it would be, because we've been here-- I've been here for, uh-uh-uh, over six minutes, and, uh--
Rob McElhenney: Yeah. The first time in the history of our relationship where I was late-
Glenn: My God.
Rob: -for something.
Charlie: Well-
Glenn: Wow. Wow.
Charlie: -you know--
Glenn: We did say 8:30, did we not?
Charlie: Boy, there was a real specific, uh, text chain, like, you know, "We're gonna start at 8:30."
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: "We'll go in at 8:30, 9:30." And, uh, "Make sure you watch the episode beforehand."
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: But I--
Glenn: Uh-huh.
Rob: I watched that in the car on the way here.
Charlie: Uh, I-I-I did too. I did too.
Rob: That's-that's safe.
Charlie: And-and-and you know what? It's-
Glenn: Wait, what are you talking about?
Charlie: It's really not safe. Well, I thought--
Glenn: What? Yeah, it's not safe. What are you talking about?
Rob: I was eating my cereal and I was watching the show. And I was--
Glenn: Uh-huh.
Rob: My car was driving for me.
Charlie: No, I had it on. I-- and, uh, you know, and I was at a stop light, I would-I would, like, look down and watch-- seeing, and otherwise I was just listening to it, kinda remembering. Which is-
Glenn: Oh.
Charlie: -prob-- a little bit of a disservice, but there was no time- there was no time to watch the episode between the last one and this one.
Glenn: What about last night? You couldn't have watched it last night?
Charlie: I ca--
Rob: Today was the first day of fucking school, and I was with my kids last night.
Charlie: I got-- I'm, uh--
Glenn: I didn't say today.
Charlie: I was on-
Glenn: I said last night.
Charlie: I was-
Rob: Oh, last night. I was getting them ready for school.
Charlie: I was on dad duty last night.
Rob: Hum?
Charlie: And then, by the time I got that kid down, I was wiped.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Mm. You didn't have it in ya to watch 20 minutes if it's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
Charlie: I sure didn't, pal.
Glenn: But you're willing to do a podcast about it-
Charlie: Buddy, I gotta admit--
Glenn: -and ask other people to watch it.
Charlie: I'm not asking anyone to watch it. I'm asking them to listen to me talk about something that they've already watched. That's so years ago- years ago.
Glenn: And by the way, listener, we have already established that Charlie Day has a Tesla. Sorry, buddy-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -outed you.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Rob's also got a Tesla.
Rob: [unintelligible 00:02:47] I don't. Have what?
Glenn: Rob's also got a Tesla.
Rob: Right.
Glenn: But he didn't- he--
Rob: But now you're making s- now you're making stuff up.
Glenn: Well, he-- Ch-Charlie didn't want people to know that he has a Tesla. He wanted-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -people to think he's driving a Toyota Corolla because he's still-
Charlie: A Toyota Corolla from--
Glenn: -- because he's still Jenny from the block.
Charlie: Yeah. That's right.
Glenn: Uh--
Rob: Charlie from the block.
Charlie: No. I mean, I got a picku- I got a pickup truck. I got a--
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: An F-150. Yeah-
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: -that's what I've got.
Rob: Guys, do you know what's funny? Disabilities.
Glenn: Oh.
Rob: Yeah. Let's talk about the episode.
Glenn: I thought it was great.
Charlie: Yeah, let's talk-- Uh, you what? I--
Rob: You enjoyed it?
Glenn: Yes.
Charlie: First of all, I think the-the best way to watch our show is in a car.
[laughter]
[music]
Glenn: Do you guys remember, um-- I-- Was it-- I don't remember if this was the first time. I mean, Rob, you were the one that actually went and, uh, pitched the show to Danny. You went alone, you went to his house and you pitched him the show. Um, that might be an-- actually be an interesting story to tell. But I was going to say, do you- do you-- I-I think the first time the three of us actually sat down with him was that lunch-
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: -in Beverley Hills.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Right?
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Uh, do you remember the name of the restaurant maybe?
Rob: It was an Italian restaurant.
Glenn: It was an Italian place, yeah.
Rob: I can't remember. Uh, but it was on Beverley Boulevard there-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -right near, uh, the-- our management company's-
Glenn: Yes.
Rob: -office, because that's where we were writing the show.
Glenn: That's right. We didn't have offices yet. Uh, we hadn't figured out that we could ask for something like that. Um-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -and we sat down and we had- we had-
Rob: Strange-
Glenn: -lunch with Danny, which was a-
Rob: Very strange.
Glenn: -very strange lunch. Uh, Danny was, uh, lovely, um, but he also, uh-- I-- would po- would go in and out of character. And we just didn't know- and we didn't know when he was- we didn't know when he was--
Charlie: I think there's something I picked up. But, like, these guys that came up through that sort of '70s-
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: -Hollywood into '80s Hollywood, have a tendency to speak in non-sequiturs.
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: [laughs] Which-which I think was more accepted then because, like, everything was, like, groovier. So it was like, you--like- like--
[laughter]
Glenn: Everything was groo- everything was groovy.
Charlie: Yeah. Like, even conversations were, like, a suggestion of a conversation so it was like- it was like-
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: "Hey, man." Like, you know- like, you know- like, you know, like, "Aww, man," and all that. And then, you know, they're say-- and with the wa- "Oh, the war," and then all that. And then the other guys are, "Yeah. No, I dig it, man," and this. But, like, you know, you-you, at the time, you were hanging out with Nicholson at the Lakers game, and he was just talking jibberish to you.
Glenn: Oh, wait. What's that story? I don't know that story.
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: This is the best-- and this is-- I'll-- let me tell it for you.
Glenn: Okay. Great.
Charlie: Because this is why I love--
Glenn: Oh, good. Charlie just wants to prove that he remembers the story.
Charlie: Thi-thi-this--Uh, uh, it's true, I remembered this thing.
Glenn: No, you don't.
Charlie: Uh, this is what I love about Rob. Like, you-- I-I'm, uh, sh- I'm shy to the extent where I won't-- I don't wanna ruffle anyone's feathers.
Glenn: True.
Charlie: Right?
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: And here-here you're at a-- Was Danny at the game?
Rob: Oh, yeah. That's how I- that's how I met Jack.
Charlie: Okay, so you and Danny and Jack are at a Lakers game.
Rob: Well, I didn't go with Jack, I was with Danny.
Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. And Jack-
Rob: And-- But then Jack goes to all the games.
Glenn: No one goes with Jack.
Charlie: Yeah. Yeah. And Jack has-
Glenn: Nobody goes with Jack. Jack goes with himself.
Charlie: -Jack has a standing invitation, and so he's there, and he keeps turning to Rob and he's spitting, like, jibberish at you. Like, give me some examples of--
Rob: Yeah. Like, first of all, it's-it's Jack Nicholson, so you're like, "Oh. I-- this will be cool." But I was-- I don't wanna bother him.
Charlie: Yeah. Right. You're being polite.
Rob: But if he says something to me, I'm gonna respond in kind.
Glenn: Of course.
Rob: And he's very-- a-- cle-clearly a basketball fan.
Glenn: Oh, yeah.
Rob: And I was there to-- I don't know, enjoying the basketball game, and he-he said something, turned to me, and I was, like, "Oh. He's gonna talk to me. This is cool."
Glenn: "He's gonna talk to me. Holy shit. What's it gonna be?"
Rob: And he said something like, "45 half, and then back-back-back to the quarter, and that'll be it."
Glenn: "45 half."
Rob: Yeah, there you go.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: And I was, like, "What? Huh?"
Glenn: "What-what, man?"
Rob: And he's, like-- I-I wish I remembered the exact phrase because it was re-- In fact, I remember I texted it to you aft-
Charlie: No, man.
Rob: -right after it happened.
Glenn: Oh boy.
Rob: And I was, like, "This is what the guy said to me."
Glenn: It's in the cloud somewhere-
Rob: Yeah. It's in the-- Well-
Charlie: -and he's gotta find it.
Rob: -I think, uh, that was six phones ago.
Glenn: Sure.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah. But that's what I mean, it's- it's somewhere, it exists somewhere.
Rob: It's somewhere.
Glenn: You know, the NSA's looking at it. They've-they've got it. Gatesie's got it. Gatesie's got it.
Rob: He's all over it. "What's this text now?" Sometime, up in the, uh-- in the- in-in the at-- hal-- the half court there. And I was-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -like, "I don't--" Maybe I can't hear him correctly because it's-
Glenn: Right.
Rob: -loud, and I said, "I-I don't know what you're talking about."
Glenn: You said that to him?
Rob: Yes. And then he just laughed and, like, turned-turned away. And I was, like, "Well, Jack Nicholson, everybody."
Glenn: [laughs] "I don't know what you're talking about."
Rob: But I wanted-- but not in a-- I-I wanted to engage with him.
Glenn: Yeah. I want to know.
Charlie: No. No. No. The way you told it to me, and I respected it more in this version, was you got-- eventually, you got frustrated, and you were, like, "Look, man. I don't know what you're talking about."
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: You know, which was-- the balls on you to do that. I would just- I-
Glenn: Again, that's that Philly thing, man-
Charlie: I would be-
Glenn: -or something. I don't know.
Charlie: -so insecure around him, likely, that I'm just imagining that I would- I would respond to him. I'd be, like, "Absolutely, man."
Glenn: Yeah. "45 half."
Charlie: Then again, I would- I-- 45 half.
Glenn: "45 half? Oh, uh, ye-- and then some. 100%, and can you beleet it?" [laughs]
Rob: Right. I'm just trying to-- making something out of it. Yeah.
Charlie: [laughs] Yeah. I would take whatever I could out of it, and just go with the flow with it.
Glenn: But see, this is what I-- So-so this is--
Rob: I think I wanted to- I wanted to engage with him in a meaningful way. But I just think--
Charlie: I would engage with just the word I needed, "45? Abso-- 45, man."
Glenn: Well, thi- this is the problem with, uh, with somebody that is super, super fa-- or has been super duper famous for a very long time. It is not required of them fro- from the people that surround them to make sense. Right?
Charlie: Uh, absolutely.
Glenn: They can literally say and do whatever the fuck they want, and people would be, like, "Yeah-
Charlie: Well-
Glenn: -Yeah, Jack. Absolutely."
Charlie: -being around Danny was a good introduc- introduction for us and that, whereas, like, sometimes, he would say, like a- like a-- som-- again, a non-sequitur on the set, and then people would, like, die laughing. And we'd be, like-
Glenn: "What the- what the fuck is he talking about?"
Charlie: "What-what- what the hell's he talking about?" But, like, now, I don't know, now I'd die laughing-
Glenn: But again, it-- I think it's-- I-I-I think that is-
Rob: -at everything the guy says, but--
Glenn: -I do think that's a symptom of being surrounded for so many years by people that just laugh at whatever you say, even if it doesn't make any sense and isn't funny at all, because you're Danny DeVito and nobody wants to ruffle your feathers and everybody wants to be in your good graces, so they're just, like, "Yeah." You know, and they just laugh at your fucking nonsense. And to the point where-where you just start to go, like, "Well, I guess everybody understands what's in my head," and you just say whatever the fuck is in your head w-without-
Rob: Possibly.
Glenn: -without-- And it's like you say the middle-
Charlie: But then there's also that '70s thing, man, of, like, "Hey."
Glenn: Well, there's that.
Charlie: Like, there was a lot of partying, and, uh, life was loose, conversations were loose.
Glenn: Cocaine brain.
Charlie: And-and-and to bring it full circle back to the conversation we had, that breakfast with him or lunch, and it was conversations like, "Yeah. My daddy used to keep a box of, like, watches and teeth." And, you know, it could be like that. And, uh--
Glenn: Well, hold on a second. I just wanna clarify. That is-- you're not just making something up right now-
Rob: That is [unintelligible 00:09:36]
Glenn: -that was the conversation?
Charlie: That's word-for-word.
Glenn: He was saying that his grandfather kept a box of watches and teeth.
Rob: His father.
Glenn: Oh, his father? I thought it was his grand-- Okay. Yeah.
Rob: Either way, a man in his life.
Glenn: A man-
Rob: [laughs] With a box of watches and teeth-
Glenn: -yeah, an important man in his life-
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: -who kept a box of watches and teeth, and was-
Rob: -i-in the attic.
Glenn: -telling us some kind of story, and we were, like, "Is he telling us a story as himself, or is he being frank right now?"
Charlie: It was v-very hard for us to tell if he was in character or if he, like--
Glenn: He might have been in character that entire lunch and I just did- and we were like, I don't know.
Charlie: But if you really stopped and looked down at there-
Glenn: Can we speak with Dan- is Danny there? Can we speak with Danny?
Charlie: If-if you look at it, the show did become about a fucking lunatic who would have a bunch of watches and teeth in a box.
Glenn: And so he was right.
Charlie: He was spot on right, yeah.
Rob: It's just funny to be talking to us like we're [unintelligible 00:10:20] Foreman as opposed to three dudes making a dick and ball comedy at lunch in the middle of Beverly Hills.
Glenn: Right. Yeah. It's like, you don't have to do this shit with us, man. Like, you know, we're-we're not-we're not- we're not at the actor's studio. This is the- you don't have to be all fucking- you can just come in and kind of say your line.
Charlie: Once we got him, I went back and watched every single Danny DeVito thing that I could because I-I wanted to be like, what other ways is he funny? Like, we knew- we were like, all right, we're not gonna do like short jokes. It's lazy, you know? Uh, he doesn't want us, I mean, he didn't say that, but we didn't wanna be doing like that kind of thing. So like, what are some things? And man-
Glenn: Well, it was- it was-
Charlie: Like there some obvious ways funny.
Glenn: -it was implied because [laughs], you guys remember it was a week.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Not that though. Remember where that came from, right?
Rob: Yeah. Johnny Short Arms or?
Charlie: Frankie Short Arms.
Glenn: Frankie-Frankie Short Arms.
Rob: Right. But there was a guy named something Short Arms. It was like a teamster.
Charlie: It was a teamster in-in New York-
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: -that like, I remember I had him on the show, Third Watch and he was driving me around, so.
Rob: Yeah. And he had like short arms?
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: So we thought it'd be funny. So when we were doing the, uh, the-the-the gang or whatever, the boxing episode, whatever the fighting episode-
Rob: Right.
Glenn: -boxing episode is called, uh, $100 baby. Uh, we-we-we thought it'd be funny if, uh, Frank's nickname when he was-- b-back when he was young and he was a boxer, was Frankie Short Arms.
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: And he was- and we were pitching this to him. We were like, "You know, so you were younger and you were like a boxer, you know, when you were younger and you had like a nickname like Frankie Short Arms?" And he's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that though."
[laughter]
And ever si- ever since then, like, not that though-
Charlie: We hung on to not that though.
Glenn: -has become like a- an ongoing phrase. Like, you know, whenever somebody pitches something that we think is not that funny.
Charlie: Not that though.
Glenn: We were like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that though."
Rob: Um, having worked in a writer's room for so many years, specifically with you guys, and like, you know, only 30% of the time you're actually laughing. It's maybe something I pitch and then you're like, "Oh, okay, that's good." But like 70% of the time you guys are just like, "Nah, not that though." Or staring at me or whatever. And we all do that to one another.
Glenn: Sure.
Rob: And then, you know, like I-
Glenn: Well, it's not a good feeling. It's not a good feeling.
Rob: It's not a good feeling but it's like so important to the process, right?
Glenn: It is. Yeah.
Rob: So like 10 years the show's been on the air. And I remember being in a room- a room over at Carousel and you guys, for whatever reason weren't there that morning or something.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: And there was a room full of writers and Megan was there. And I remember I pitched something and the whole room, like, erupted in laughter. And I look over and I'm like, "Oh, okay, I guess that goes on the board." And I look over at Meg and she's not laughing.
Glenn: Uh-oh.
Rob: And I just looked at her. I said, "You didn't find that was fu- what do you think Megan? She was like, "I guess I'm just wondering what it feels like to have an entire room full of people that you pay, laugh at everything you say.".
Glenn: Oh, shit.
Charlie: Ouch.
Glenn: Damn, you said that, Megan?
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: Good for you. That was probably like her first year, right?
Charlie: By the way. She's laughing over for the- for the listener at home she's laughing and-
Glenn: Oh, my God.
Rob: But what- I just remember.
Charlie: I remember you being like, "Can we fire her? We gotta fire her. We gotta fire this girl." Like, what are you talking about? Like, I have to fire this one.
Rob: No, I imagine- I think I said girl too I was like, "Get this girl outta here."
Charlie: Right, right.
Rob: I know she's a- no girl. She's a 29-year-old, 30-year-old girl.
Glenn: Yeah. Yeah.
Rob: Uh, no, but I-I definitely remember like laughing of course, and then really thinking about that quite a bit cause it's- it's exactly what you're talking about. Which is if you continue to-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: -surround yourself with people, A, who you hire, right? Or B, who just like say yes or laugh at everything you say, then of course slowly but surely you're gonna turn it into that person that thinks that everything they say is funny.
Glenn: That's right.
Rob: If you don't surround yourself with people who check you-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -and tell you, hey man, that's not funny. It shouldn't go on the show, then your shit is gonna suffer.
Glenn: That's right.
Charlie: I will argue though with Danny specifically, everything he says is fucking funny. Like, uh, but-but-but-but like-
Glenn: You gotta learn to speak his language.
Charlie: -not necessarily what he's saying is funny, but he has an essence. Because I remember, you know, in that first season for us it was a little confusing to be like, oh, well, you know, he's jumbling some of these lines in a way that like the line doesn't make as much sense-
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: -when he does it in that order. And we can't necessarily, like- and it, you know, it wasn't so egregious that like we weren't getting through a scene. But be like, "Oh, he's kind of switching that line-up and it- it's not as funny." But like, you watch it and you watch, you go back and you watch those episodes, it doesn't matter what he's saying.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -and in what order.
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: Like his spirit, his essence, his attitude is so amusing.
Glenn: Well, sometimes the-the jumbled-up, messed-up version of the line ends up being funnier than the line itself.
Charlie: Ends up being better. Yeah. This is a moment of appreciation for Danny DeVito doing the show because that thing, that star quality thing. And Danny's not like a star, he's a superstar.
Glenn: Right.
Charlie: He's a mega, mega superstar. He's iconic. People love him. The fact that this guy came onto the show-
Glenn: I still don't know why.
Rob: It's crazy.
Charlie: Is what-
Glenn: I still dunno why he did it.
Rob: It's crazy.
Charlie: I-I was having that like experience, uh, watching and listening to the- to the episode this morning being like, he-he completely transformed this thing. And there- I don't think there is a show without him, man. Like-
Glenn: No.
Rob: No, no, no.
Glenn: Definitely not.
Charlie: My God, like-
Glenn: No, there is no show without him for sure.
Charlie: Anyway, that's my appreciation moment for that, for this guy.
[music]
Glenn: Well, so I had a question for you guys. It's kind of related to- that is related to this episode. Have you guys ever- have either of you ever, uh, pretended to be something that you are not in order to get something that you want? Like in a major way? Like these characters do?
Rob: Every day of my life.
Glenn: [chuckles] Well, I was gonna say besides pretending to be a showrunner.
Rob: Oh, okay.
Charlie: Okay. I did used to dress up my-my friend as dad had a, um, one of those airplane landing lights, like that's like that cone light.
Glenn: Cool.
Charlie: And we found in his basement and he had like a, uh, like a- like a orange like work coat too down there.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Charlie: So we-- I did used to-
Glenn: Rob's laughing. Why are you laughing?
Rob: I was just thinking about, "We went down to the airfield and we were taking planes down into the lakes, man."
Charlie: No, we didn't do that, but we did go into an intersection and direct traffic.
Glenn: Oh, that's amazing. That's really fun.
Charlie: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So my friends--
Glenn: That's a good bit.
Charlie: My friends were hiding the bush with the walkie-talkie and I- and I had the walkie-talkie, the airplane. So the car would come up and they would go on the walkie-talkie like [unintelligible 00:16:36] "Yes, yes, I'll tell them." Shit's hit the fan down there, man, you can't go down that street. I was like 14 years old.
Glenn: How old?
Charlie: 14. I'm like you can't--
Glenn: What?
Charlie: Yeah, like you can't go down that street. You're gonna have to take a left here on [unintelligible 00:16:49] and you got- wanna head down to Federin, take a right there. [unintelligible 00:16:53] Yeah, 106. And like-
Glenn: That's amazing.
Charlie: -basically, we would get like five or six cars until someone would be like, what is this? What are you doing?
Rob: Right because--
Charlie: You know, and then we would ultimately we would get chased. That's a funny thing. That's a funny thing.
Rob: The goal is to get chased.
Glenn: Do you as a driver approach someone with a walkie-talkie and one of those things?
Charlie: A vest and a light.
Glenn: And a vest and a light and the whole thing.
Charlie: It's-it's nighttime.
Glenn: And-and the guy is trying to give you, you know, tell you where to go with the light and doing the whole thing. But you're like, "But he's- he looks like he's 14 years old. This can't be right." Like that-that--
Charlie: And you know, there's no sign of work or trouble or anything, you know?
Glenn: No. But do you do it? Do you do it? Do you do what the 14-year-old says?
Rob: Um, uh, 80% of people do.
Glenn: I bet, yeah, well, you know now.
Charlie: Yeah, of course. And 20% of them chase you through the woods. [laughs] Which was the ultimate goal.
Rob: I don't know if this falls under the same category of what you ask, but it falls under the category of what Charlie just, uh, the story he told. But we, uh, I was like 16 or 17 maybe- maybe younger. Uh, and I used to play this game, uh, which was so cruel and terrible, uh, that we called dead guys. And it was- we would be at the Jersey Shore and you'd wait till like sunset. And then you knew that people were just sort of like walking down the beach. And so we would just roll in the surf as if we were dead, as if we were dead.
[laughter]
Like a dead body. And so like you'd, you know, you could breathe, but you just kind of like flop around and then the waves would like come up and crash you. And then people wouldn't know what was- was going on, but they saw and they would be watching, like what's happening.
Glenn: Did you kind of have your eyes open a little bit just so you could see?
Rob: Just a little bit just to get the reaction but then there'd be other- and then- and then they'd come running over like, "Are you okay?" And then you'd just get up and run away. And the last time we did it, I was doing it with my-my- a friend of mine, Dennis Hogan. Uh, and- and it was a group of guys- like guys like probably in their 20s.
And they- they were like, "Oh my God, are you okay?" And we were like, "Yeah" and we ran into the water and then we were like laughing and joking and then we looked and they- they were standing on the beach and they were just waiting. And we were like, "Hey." And they were like, "Come on out boys." And we were like, "Oh no. It was just a joke." And they were like, "Yeah, wasn't funny to us. We'll be here for you." And we were like, these guys are gonna kick ass.
Glenn: Yeah, they'll hammer you.
Rob: Which they absolutely should. And so we were like, "What the fuck do we do?" So we tried to swim like up and down the beach, but you can walk a lot faster than someone could swim.
Charlie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rob: So they would just walk with us. And-and they- and we just- so we just waited in the water for three hours until finally they left. And then we-we walked away in shame and never did it again.
Glenn: Oh my God. Wow. Last time I played dead guy I almost killed myself.
Rob: Well, we covered that.
Charlie: Yeah, it's true we covered that one. Yeah. I did a similar thing with my buddies. Like right when I got my driver's license, I guess I was 16 and all my friends were younger and we would drive around doing bad things. But um, I would pull up at an intersection and I would pretend to pass out on the horn so my head would be on the horn.
[laughter]
Like, eeeh, and my friends would be panicking, like trying to revive me. And the- and the people would be like- 'cause we wanted to see the reaction of the people in the car next to us.
Glenn: Yeah.
Charlie: And they'd be looking over. Most people didn't do anything. Occasionally someone rolled down the window and be like, "Are you okay?" And then we'd just like, laugh and speed out of there.
Rob: Just to be a dumb young--
Glenn: Oh, just to be a dumb young idiot.
Charlie: Just to get a little laugh. Just to get a-
Glenn: Just to get a little laugh.
Charlie: -little rise outta life, you know. That's harmless shit.
Glenn: And that-that-- That made me think of a really stupid prank that I- that I used to play. Okay, so, uh, when, uh, when I first moved to LA, um, I-- My parents had- thankfully they hang- they hung on to my high school, uh, my car that I got my senior year. It was a 1990 Acura Legend. Pretty sweet, pretty sweet. And this car, uh, had, um, a-- one of those giant brick, you know, car phones in it. Those old-school car phones from like the early 90s.
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: So I had to go pick up my car in Montgomery, Alabama, and drive it out to LA, which is like a three-day trip. I mean, you can do it in less, but I didn't wanna kill myself. Uh, so this-this-this giant-- so I never took that giant brick phone out of the car because I just thought it was so funny. Um, so, uh, I'd be driving down the freeway and jus-just in order to keep myself amused and awake, I would do this thing were, uh, [chuckles] I was dri-- I-I-I would-- I'd be driving with my knees and I would have both hands-- I would have the giant brick phone, which by the way, at that point would've been a 15-year-old phone. Like, you know, we had- we had Nokias and shit like that, but so this--
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: It looked ridiculous. So as soon-- I would pull up next to somebody on the freeway. I'd have this giant brick phone in my hand and with the other hand I'd be gesturing wildly, having a very furious conversation with someone on this giant brick phone. Not paying attention to the road at all, completely not using my hands. And I-- I still to this day don't notice-- don't know if anybody actually ever noticed that I was doing it, but I- I sure got a kick out of it. I thought it was fun.
Rob: I'm- I'm hearing three stories of young men who were desperate for attention.
Glenn: Oh, definitely.
Rob: Just desperate for anybody to pay attention.
Glenn: I was doing a bit. I was doing an acting bit.
Charlie: Yeah, same, they're all acting bits. Yeah.
Glenn: Yeah, you just want people to pay attention, man.
Rob: Yeah. Yeah. All stupid bits.
Glenn: Look at me.
Rob: Yeah, look at me.
Glenn: Mom, dad, whatever.
Charlie: Well, uh, or look at me, friends.
Rob: Friends.
Charlie: Like for me, it was with my-- It was all about my group of friends. Like, let- let me make them laugh, you know.
Glenn: I didn't even have anybody with me when I was doing these stupid fucking pranks, like this was purely for my own amusement. I stand--
Rob: Uh, hopefully, someone will watch.
Glenn: I stand by it. I stand by it. I think it was a funny- I think it was a funny bit. I think if you look over and you see some guy with a giant brick phone and he's gesturing widely with both of his hands, I-I-I think-- I think that-- That's funny to me.
Charlie: I think that's a good bit too.
Glenn: Thanks, man.
Charlie: I like that.
Glenn: I appreciate it.
Charlie: It's been approved in my book.
Glenn: Oh boy. I also listened to, uh, the first two Harry Potter books on that trip. So guys, um--
[laughter]
Oh, yeah, it was a long trip, wasn't it? Um, where were you guys? Do you remember? Where were you when season two got picked up and you found out the news and what were your feelings about it? What-what-what-- How did it make you feel? What did you think? Where were you when you got the news and how did you feel?
Charlie: I don't recall.
Rob: Well, I know where I was. I know exactly where I was when Danny signed on to do the show-
Glenn: Okay.
Rob: -because it was minutes after I left his house. He called John and John called me. And I was like almost like on his street still.
Glenn: Still.
Rob: And then I called you guys like immediately. So that-- I think that was the f-- like why we got picked up, right? So as soon as he signed on, that was sort of it. And then--
Glenn: It wasn't official yet, but you-- But at that point, you knew. It was like, that was what was required of us.
Rob: Yes.
Glenn: To get so-- Us-- A-- Somebody who could bring eyeballs to the show.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: On the show. And we got s-- Uh, someone way better than we ever in a million-
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: -years could've thought we would've got.
Rob: And he probably got maybe 15 to 25 more eyeballs on the show, season two.
Glenn: He did, yeah, exactly. Which is--
Rob: Maybe- maybe 30 more eyeballs.
Glenn: Sure.
Rob: Which is 15 people.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: That's a lot of people. [chuckles] 15 people, 30 eyeballs.
Rob: Right.
Charlie: Do- Do you guys remember how much of a hard time we had cutting that final car crash, where-
Glenn: Yes.
Charlie: -you- where you guys drive drunk?
Glenn: Oh, God. Yes, totally.
Charlie: Because we didn't have a stunt team. There was no-- There was-- But- but- but watching it-
Glenn: It's so janky.
Charlie: -I like it.
Rob: I was just so excited to feel like, oh, the- the show-- I-I can see how the show like took off from here.
Glenn: Mm-hmm.
Rob: We-- It doesn't mean we- we-we got it right every time, but it feels like, "Oh, this-this feels like sunny." And it also made me excited about this podcast. Because I think that that first season of the podcast was a little rocky. But I think this is gonna be the episode where we really find our way. Although last-- th-the first season's finale, uh, where- where Mr. Steven Spielberg came and--
Glenn: Well, that was just a huge get.
Rob: That was a huge get.
Charlie: That was a big get for us, yeah, because--
Rob: Yeah, I mean, that was a D-- Like that was a Danny De-DeVito level get.
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: And we got him in season one.
Charlie: Mm-hmm.
Rob: I mean, that's pretty cool. I have a feeling he's gonna come back. I think he-- He-he told me later he had a good time. He said he had a good time.
[music]
Glenn: Um, well, guys, what else?
Charlie: I don't know, pretty good podcast.
Rob: Pretty good podcast, yeah. Should we talk about how good the podcast was?
Glenn: No, definitely no.
Rob: Should that be a segment where we--
Glenn: No.
Rob: No?
Glenn: Oh, God, no.
Rob: Well, right now we're shoot- we're shooting season, uh, 15 of the show and, uh--
Charlie: Season 15.
Glenn: Wow. Monumental.
Charlie: But I do think there was something good about coming in and sh-- and doing a podcast before we go film-
Rob: Yeah.
Charlie: -because I will say that oftentimes, like when we go to write or whatever, this is a time where we- we joke around, we talk, we-- I-I feel like we communicate best. Nice that we're not tired yet. You know, we're not o-old and grumpy and tired.
Glenn: Right. We got our cold brew coffees.
Charlie: We got our coffee in us and-and we're looking forward to the potential of the day.
Rob: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Mmm. Yeah.
Charlie: Is that what it is?
Rob: I would say-
Speaker 1: I sense the caffeine [crosstalk]--
Glenn: -that it might be, for me, that I've now used all of my energy for the podcast and have absolutely nothing left for the filming of the show but it doesn't matter cause I get paid either way. I'm paid--
Rob: Well-- This will be fun- This will be fun for the viewer, then. After you watch-- After you listen to this podcast-
Charlie: Yeah.
Rob: -go and watch The Gang Replaces Dee With a Monkey because that's what we're watching-- That's what we're gonna-- a-about to shoot.
Charlie: And see if Glenn seems a little low energy.
Rob: See if he seems a little bit low energy.
Glenn: I-- You know what? I'll bring it. I-I'll-
Charlie: I think you'll be fine. I think you'll be fi--
Glenn: -bring-- I'll-I'll- I'll-I'll force it.
Rob: Okay.
Glenn: Yeah, yeah. I can fake it real good now. I-I've figured out how to do that. I- I honestly have not been present as an actor on this show for many, many years. Uh--
Charlie: Have you been present as a human within your body and your thoughts ever?
Glenn: You know, there was this-- There were couple times where I did mushrooms. And that's where-- I came [crosstalk]--
Charlie: Uh, and then- and then you were like okay?
Glenn: I was like, "Oh, uh, um--"
Charlie: Here it is.
Glenn: Yeah. "Okay, here it is-- Here I am."
Charlie: Yeah, mm-hmm.
Glenn: And then you get-- But the rest of the time I'm-- You know, it's like you're- you're doing whatever it is that you're doing but you're already thinking about like what's the-- what's for dinner and like how's shit [crosstalk]--
Charlie: I-I think it'd be very, very good in today's scenes because it's-- You know, it's a lot of like, uh, just us in the bar.
Glenn: Oh, boy, I've got a lot-- We've got a lot of dialogue today, guys. We got a lot of-- There's a lot of talkie talkie.
Charlie: We do, we do but-but the-- but--
Glenn: Lot of talkie talkie.
Charlie: It's not talkie and walkie, so like, you know, we'll- we'll-- It's- It's real- It's real simple stuff. We'll just be--
Glenn: No walk- no walkie and talkie?
Charlie: No, you don't have to walkie and talkie. No, not propy. You know, we're just kinda sit and talk, and it's, you know--
Rob: Well, there's gonna be an imaginary monkey in the room all day.
Glenn: No, a real monkey.
Charlie: No, a real monkey, Rob.
Rob: Oh right, sorry.
Charlie: Yeah.
Glenn: Shh, don't tell them, don't tell them. [inaudible 00:27:42]
Charlie: That's some season-one thing.
Rob: [laughs] Well, guys, this has been fun, I'll see you on set.
Charlie: Rob, did you go-- did you work out this morning?
Rob: No. I- I- I had some bad-- some crazy dreams. I was up all night from about 2:00 to about 4:30 and then I fell back asleep.
Charlie: What were you dreaming about?
Rob: I fell back asleep.
Glenn: Were you dreaming about me?
Rob: It was death-- It was- it was dark stuff.
Glenn: Mmm.
Rob: Dark stuff. Not for this podcast.
Charlie: Were you dreaming you had COVID?
Rob: No.
Glenn: Did you kill- did you kill anybody? Did you kill me?
Rob: No, I have a re-rec-recurring nightmare that's in that space. Not you.
Glenn: Hmm.
Charlie: Ah.
Glenn: But where you killed? You murdered?
Rob: Yeah. It's happened in the past.
Charlie: Mmm.
Rob: But there's no violence.
Glenn: You're living with it? You're living--
Charlie: Is that- Is that-- I-I think is that like imposter syndrome? Like, uh, you know, to the max where you're like, "Okay, I'm a fraud, and-and-and I'm getting away with something I shouldn't be getting away with-
Rob: I think so.
Charlie: -and I'm gonna get called out on it."
Rob: I think it's feeling--
Glenn: I-I-I-I-I think so.
Rob: It's definitely feeling guilty about having done something to someone in the past and, uh, you know, trying to forget about it but not being able to live with it, so.
Charlie: You think it's that?
Rob: In my re-- In my- In my own-n-n research with thera-therapists over the years it's actually been the f- the former-
Charlie: Aww. [unintelligible 00:28:54]
Rob: -where it's been the suggestion. Since there-there's no actual violence that happens-
Glenn: Yeah.
Rob: -and that there is no, uh, there is no like actual victim. It's just, uh, someone who's been-- that I've killed and the story that's being told is that the cops are after me. And there is a cop, one in particular who's like, "I know it was you and I'm gonna- I'm gonna come- I'm gonna come get you."
Glenn: Well, but that's what I'm talking about you murdered. I don't mean that you- that you actually--
Charlie: Did you say a cop woman?
Rob: No.
Charlie: Uh, I was like, "That's so interesting."
Rob: But that would- that would be- that would be-- That would make it-- Yeah.
Charlie: That would be really interesting.
Rob: Yeah.
Glenn: No, stop it. Stop it.
Charlie: [unintelligible 00:29:21] But, you know, I think it-- there's a fear of-- that you're gonna lose it all, right?
Rob: Mm.
Charlie: Like if you're gonna be arrested, you're gonna lose it all. So probably in your life, you know, you've accomplished these things. You have this wonderful family, and you-you--
Glenn: That's what you did. You- y-y-you murdered your career.
Charlie: And you have this- this great career and you have this underlying fear, "Well, I'm just, you know, who am I? I'm not a writer, I'm not an actor, I'm just- I'm just Rob. So like, I'm a big phony and-and it could all be taken away from me." I'm here as your friend to tell you that that is true. Um-
Glenn: Yeah. It's time.
Charlie: -a-and- and the sooner you accept that and just let it go, and be like, "Yeah, I'm a big fraud. But so is everyone else." Just asks Steven. Steven doesn't know what he's doing. Steven just-- Each movie is potential disaster. Steven, who just stepped in the room-
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's up guys? What- Wh- What are we talking about?
Charlie: Well, Rob has Imposter Syndrome and I say, don't fight it and say, "Oh, I'm a great creator." That's bullshit. Be like, "Yeah, I'm a fraud. So what?" So, everyone's a fraud, so-
Speaker 2: [impersonating Steven] Fake it till you make it baby, [stutter] n- n- nobody's nobody is what they are until they do what they do. And then once you do it, then you are what you are, whether you are, or aren't [stutter]. You know, basically what I'm saying i- i- is nobody, like you said, nobody really knows what they're doing. So, you just have to do it. You just have to do it.
Charlie: Yeah- Yeah, that's the thing.
Speaker 2: [impersonating Steven] And you gotta be decisive. You- That- That's the thing that you run into a lot of times with the directors, where it doesn't work, you see, you-
Charlie: You gotta be decisive.
Speaker 2: [impersonating Steven] You have to be decisive. Whether you're right or wrong, doesn't matter. You have to be decisive.
Charlie: Right, 'cause you're gonna get down to set, the shark's not gonna work, and then you gotta make choices, right?
Speaker 2: [impersonating Steven] You gotta figure it out.
Charlie: You know, like you could be planning on seeing that shark a lot. Suddenly, you're like, you know what? We're gonna have to make this where you don't see the shark a lot. And then, that's a lucky thing because suddenly you're like, this movie's better 'cause I'm not seeing the shark as much as I'm supposed to see in the first place. So shut up about your dreams, Rob.
[laughter]
Speaker 2: [impersonating Steven] I see you [unintelligible 00:31:16]
Charlie: Yeah, see you, Steve.
Glenn: This has been fun. All right. See you on set.
Charlie: Yeah, see you on set.
Glenn: See you on set.
[music]